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Realistic Portrayals of Software Programmers?

lwbecker2 asks: "Warren Harrison has written a thought-provoking editorial piece on The Software Developer as Movie Icon. He explores the fact that new entrants to Computer Science curriculum are typically clueless about what 'real' developers actually do. While researching the issue of why this is the case, he determined that some potential CS degree seekers are forming opinions from portrayals in movies and cinema. He describes what he asserts to be inaccurate portrayals of developers in War Games, TRON, and The Net, and asks for input and opinions on 'the impact of the cinema and television on new software developers' expectations, as well as learn of any films that do a better job of portraying our profession...' I am sure Slashdot readers have some input on this, and I am curious if people believe _any_ movie has acurately portrayed software developers?"

68 of 866 comments (clear)

  1. office space jokes... by jpsst34 · · Score: 4, Funny

    ... are so obvious here that no one needs to make any. If you do, I might set the building on fire.

    --
    How are you going to keep them down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus?
    1. Re:office space jokes... by mrtroy · · Score: 3, Funny

      First off...office space is SOOO unrealistic.
      *Cough*Swordfish*Cough*
      The average computer programmer does all of his programming at night, while drinking lots of wine??? (ewww hit the hard stuff already) and while hallie barry is naked in the room with you.
      Oh and you have like 50 computer screens in front of you all showing rotating 3d objects. No...not for 3d development...for straight programming silly. Dont you have that C++ addon?

      If you can get all the pretty shapes to align then you are done!
      *cough*Office Space*cough* But you must keep all this a secret, last time I told my boss that he asked what real work I had got done in the last month and then fired me...but then i stayed and they kept moving my desk...but i kept my stapler.

      --
      [I can picture a world without war, without hate. I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it]
    2. Re:office space jokes... by pyite · · Score: 3, Funny

      Really? I thought that was the new 3D environment for emacs. =P

      --

      "Nature doesn't care how smart you are. You can still be wrong." - Richard Feynman

    3. Re:office space jokes... by jpsst34 · · Score: 3, Funny

      Now why would it run on an eMac but not a power mac?

      Sorry, couldn't resist.

      Would an eMac explode if you used VI to edit on it?

      --
      How are you going to keep them down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus?
    4. Re:office space jokes... by Ooblek · · Score: 4, Funny
      I resent that!

      I got my interest in pursuing a CS degree when Tron came out. I wanted to make the MCP so it could kick everyone's ass.

      I still can't figure out why no one likes the glow-in-the-dark frisbee I wear on my back every day. Its an icon of personal expression! I would be nothing more than a simple VB programmer without it!

      OK, next question....if the MCP and HAL went head to head, who would win?

    5. Re:office space jokes... by faqBastard · · Score: 3, Interesting

      OK, next question....if the MCP and HAL went head to head, who would win?

      That's a highly irregular question, Dave. :-)

      MCP wins for more spectacular death, HAL wins for more memorable death. Though I guess the Daisy bit wasn't really his death, that came with the whole Jupiter ignition thing...

    6. Re:office space jokes... by Sabalon · · Score: 3, Funny

      I remember programming in BASIC and was all excited that there was a TRON (TRace ON) command.

      It just blew my mind.

  2. Office Space by dubbayu_d_40 · · Score: 4, Funny

    was pretty accurate.

    1. Re:Office Space by the+gnat · · Score: 3, Funny

      Especially any scene involving the all-purpose appliance. Before I leave my current job, I swear I'm going to take an axe to our Xerox laser printer.

    2. Re:Office Space by syle · · Score: 5, Funny

      I don't know about you, but I've never dated Jennifer Aniston.

      --

      /syle

    3. Re:Office Space by TopShelf · · Score: 4, Funny

      It was also, perhaps, an accurate portrayal of the hell of modern family restaurants. Got enough flair???

      --
      Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
    4. Re:Office Space by slaker · · Score: 3, Funny

      The utter tragedy of my life is that I might as well be Wayne Knight's twin.

      Thanks for being the 10th person today to remind me that I'm just like "the fat guy in Jurassic Park".

      --
      -- I wanna decide who lives and who dies - Crow T. Robot, MST3K
    5. Re:Office Space by Root+Down · · Score: 4, Insightful

      The whole issue of 'flair' and the office issues are really one and the same: it's all about being ra-ra-ra for a company that is much less ra-ra-ra in return. It's all 'smile pretty and join the team or you're outta here' - no matter how much you detest its inanity.

      Did you get the memo about the TPS report?

    6. Re:Office Space by scovetta · · Score: 3, Funny

      I think morale would sky-rocket if finance, marketing, advertising, etc girls were mixed along with development.

      --
      Wer mit Ungeheuern kämpft, mag zusehn, dass er nicht dabei zum Ungeheuer wird. --Nietzsche
  3. Pretty accurate by govtcheez · · Score: 3, Funny

    Most of the software people I know look just like Hugh Jackman, get to hook up with Halle Berry, and routinely do neat secret agent stuff.

    Or at least I wish they did. Office Space has the most accurate portrayal of programmers I've ever seen in a movie.

  4. Yes there is one... by KDan · · Score: 5, Funny

    But it was so boring it never got published.

    Daniel

    --
    Carpe Diem
    1. Re:Yes there is one... by Teach · · Score: 4, Interesting

      This pretty much nails it, here. Signal 11 said something on Slashdot a couple of years ago regarding this that I saved:

      "Let's face it: the life of a geek is boring. We spend all day in front of our computers checking our e-mail, coding, and sitting on our duff doing 'nothing'. At least to the untrained eye. On the molecular level, however, we are quite busy."

      Couldn't have said it better myself. It's just hard to make this profession look interesting on the big screen.

      --
      Graham "Teach" Mitchell, computer science teacher, Leander HS
  5. got one... by igottheloot · · Score: 5, Funny

    revenge of the nerds.

  6. duh. by Telastyn · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Has the film industry portrayed any normal person accurately? No. Normal people are boring.

    1. Re:duh. by mike_mgo · · Score: 5, Insightful
      Exactly.

      Most cops aren't out there chasing down serial killers, most lawyers aren't fighting some evil corporation, and I doubt many spies blow up a whole lot of stuff. But movies about writing traffic tickets, filing divorce papers and staring at satellite photos aren't that exciting.

      You've really got to get out a little more if you're basing career decisions on the movies.

    2. Re:duh. by DaveAtFraud · · Score: 4, Insightful

      The *first rule* for viewing anything that comes out of Hollywood is SUSPEND DISBELIEF. Why stop at complaining that Hollywood doesn't portray "normal people" accurately? Hell, these are the same people whose guns never run out of ammunition (unless its needed for the plot), people firing pistols can hit their target from a car going 90 mph down a bumpy residential street while the driver swerves to avoid obstacles and someone else shooting back at them, explosions in space make noise, tires squeal on dirt roads, etc. Why take Hollywood to task for not accurately portraying some "normal people" when they can't even accurately portray physical reality?

      This may explain why my taste in movies from Hollywood tends towards commedies (they're supposed to not represent reality) or fantasy (what reality?).

      --
      They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither safety nor liberty.
      Ben
  7. What? by cybermace5 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Computer guys are the ones that hack into computers in a minimum of keystrokes, and say "We're in." And they always develop some evil artificial intelligence that threatens the world, and they can get incredible detail from a blurry photo simply by saying "Enhancing." Everybody knows this stuff.

    I don't think the portrayal is inaccurate at all. But then I'm an EE.

    --
    ...
  8. Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by $$$$$exyGal · · Score: 5, Funny
    The most accurate portrayal of a computer has to be when the little girl says: "I know this, this is UNIX" - Jurassic Park.

    --sex

    --
    Very popular slashdot journal for adul
    1. Re:Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by tmhsiao · · Score: 4, Interesting

      Of course you're being sarcastic, but that silly looking 3D system was actually an SGI product called fsn, pronounced "fusion," and it ran on IRIX 4.0.1+ machines...

      --
      "My God...It's full of ads!" -Fry, about the Internet, Futurama
    2. Re:Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by SirSlud · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Am I the only guy who gets pissed when mission critical systems are portrayed in movies as over-the-top guis that take for ever to do something .. and that the complete lack of sane interface design is used to build tension?

      Its how you can almost bet that any car you need to make a getaway in, in a movie, is bound to need 3 minutes of engine turning to start ...

      Can we ditch that cliche already, hollywood? Both of them?

      --
      "Old man yells at systemd"
    3. Re:Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by iabervon · · Score: 3, Funny

      The scary thing is that that was actually UNIX running one of the weird SGI window managers. Somewhat unsurprisingly, the makers of a movie featuring special effects knew about more IRIX than the geeks in the audience... (what you didn't see was that she navigated through all of that stuff to get to an xterm, and then she typed a command with 6 pipes and more punctuation than letters, but that wasn't on camera)

    4. Re:Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by Havokmon · · Score: 4, Funny
      (what you didn't see was that she navigated through all of that stuff to get to an xterm, and then she typed a command with 6 pipes and more punctuation than letters, but that wasn't on camera)

      Everyone who's anyone knows that's the VI macro for 'turn on the power'

      --
      "I can't give you a brain, so I'll give you a diploma" - The Great Oz (blatently stolen sig)
    5. Re:Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by scott1853 · · Score: 3, Funny

      guis that take for ever to do something

      And what part of that statement are you saying is fiction?

    6. Re:Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by nojomofo · · Score: 3, Funny

      I'm getting a bit OT here, but did anybody else notice in "Face Off" (why did I see that movie??), when he (whichever person it is) is busy breaking out of the super-top-security prison, he gets to the computer and (I swear that I'm not making this up) chooses the "Short out electrical system" option that is on the GUI? Because, of course, people often want to intentionally short out their electrical systems, especially when it's going to result in cascades of sparks and the disarmament of the security system of a prison....

    7. Re:Most Accurate Portrayal of a Computer Award... by irix · · Score: 4, Informative

      fsn stands for "file system navigator" - you can still get it from SGI here.

      You need an old version of IRIX to run it (5.3) and I remember doing so back in the day. Basically you can "fly" through the filesystem hierarchy, and the vertical bars are the sizes of the files, colors are for age and the height of the base is the size of the directory.

      Nothing you can't accomplish with du and ls, but great for impressing people in a movie :-)

      --

      Do you even know anything about perl? -- AC Replying to Tom Christiansen post.
  9. Sadly, by SplendidIsolatn · · Score: 4, Informative

    Office Space is much closer to reality than fiction for programmers, even though they are a sidebar in the story. Most people in programming are not going to be sitting in their own world, and will have to be interactive in an office environment. In most cases, you better get used to the drugery of TPS reports and interacting with people from a wide variety of departments rather than slamming out code.

    --
    sig--we don't need no goddamn sig
  10. Office Space by Fished · · Score: 4, Informative
    Office Space accurately portrayed the pit of hell that is corporate software development:
    http://us.imdb.com/Title?0151804
    --
    "He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1
  11. I know a movie that accurately portrays me. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    I feel that the movie "Pi" is an accurate portrayal of software developers. After the first couple days of each week, listening to the sales manager tell every potential customer that we can do absolutely anything virtually for free and yesterday, I wish I could drill a hole in my skull too.

  12. so what's new? by mgs1000 · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Do cop shows accurately depict cops?
    Do westerns accurately depict cowboys?
    Do war movies accurately depict soldiers?
    Does pr0n accurately depict sex?
    The list goes on...

    1. Re:so what's new? by jpsst34 · · Score: 4, Funny

      "Does pr0n accurately depict sex?"

      Yes. Duh. For me sex always involves at least 9 people, wives who don't care, and lots of toys, preferably of the mechanically driven kind. Oh, and people shaving one another. Gotta have that.

      --
      How are you going to keep them down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus?
    2. Re:so what's new? by hondo77 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Does pr0n accurately depict sex?

      Are you kidding? For most people here, pr0n is sex.

      --
      I live ze unknown. I love ze unknown. I am ze unknown.
  13. Problem is story-telling, not stereotype by CommieLib · · Score: 3, Interesting

    The basic problem is that simple stories require simple characters, and generally, we're not talking Jane Austen where computers are involved.

    Display a computer programmer that works out, or has a family, etc., that takes time out from the CG and explosions. It also confuses the stupid audience that flocks to the picture...

    Having said that, I thought Hugh Jackman's programmer in Swordfish was presented as pretty cool, even the rest of the movie was totally goat.

    --
    If your bitterest enemies are people who hack the heads off civilians, then I would say you're doing something right.
  14. "Antitrust" is the only one that's even come close by RichardtheSmith · · Score: 3, Informative

    It shows programmers working their asses off on some new communications system...

  15. It's not just programmers by marsvin · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Hollywood doesn't portray anything or anyone accurately, not just programmers, but secret agents, scientists (the most dangerous profession, according to the movies), police officers, psychiatrists, airline pilots, women, and vegetarians as well... even "normal" people are somehow made extra-normal on the screen.

    If you look to films and television for career guidance, chances are you wouldn't make a good programmer anyway.

  16. Life of a Software Programmer by Nept · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Bob Slydell: If you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?

    Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

    Bob Slydell: Great.

    Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh--after that I sorta space out for an hour.

    Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?

    Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

    --
    "Teachers leave us kids alone ..." - Roger Waters, Pink Floyd
  17. RevolutionOS by ForsakenRegex · · Score: 3, Insightful

    It doesn't get anymore accurate.

    http://us.imdb.com/Title?0308808

    --
    "A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself."
  18. Too Late to Change Perception by duck_prime · · Score: 4, Funny

    If the mass media has a silly view of programmers, it is too late to change it. When I first saw Jurassic Park, and they had that scene in the outdoor cafe where they start zooming in on the greasy fat unpleasant guy, one phrase was zooming through my mind over and over: "Please God don't let him be the evil computer guy."

    Me and God have to have a little talk.

    1. Re:Too Late to Change Perception by Cruciform · · Score: 3, Funny

      Maybe because we form a lot of our opinions about people in childhood? After all, when you're 6 years old, and every kid on the playground is kinda scruffy at the end of lunch hour, the game of tag ends with the sweaty fat kid with the ice cream bar residue on his hands and shirt sits on you... well, that's pretty god damn traumatic.

      So from then on, in your minds eye, every overweight person is just an extension of that fat bastard who dripped butterscotch ripple and sweat on you in grade one and left you emotionally scarred till the end of your days...

      just a guess... :)

  19. startup.com by gosand · · Score: 5, Informative
    Yep. startup.com was a pretty accurate portrayal. IMDB Link

    It was a documentary, and it was real people, but what do you want, another Office Space comment?

    Actually, a pretty accurate portrayal of a programmer in a movie was in Pump Up the Volume, even though he ran a pirate radio station and wasn't a programmer. He worked out of his parent's basement, was a loner, and had a different on-air personality than in real life.

    --

    My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.

  20. Alot of misrepresentation in movies by aridhol · · Score: 4, Insightful
    Nothing in the movies is ever represented properly. Face it. Who would watch a cop show if 95% of it was patrolling the streets issuing parking tickets?

    Most people have some idea of what a cop is. They know what the army does. They can identify a firefighter in uniform nine times out of ten.

    Outside of the computer industry, nobody knows what a programmer is. They don't know that there's more to computers than Windows, so why should they know about computers?

    One portrayal that annoys my wife and me is the portrayal of people in chemical/microbiological suits. The suits always look good on the actors. My wife works in one (she studies ebola). It's a big blue vinyl bag. Not form-fitting. It tends to make you look like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man. It's uncomfortable. You have to shout to be heard in them.

    So remember, programmers are not the only groups misrepresented. We're probably not the most misrepresented group. Next time you watch a show that includes any real-life profession, ask yourself how close they are to reality. Then complain about programmers being misrepresented.

    --
    I can't say that I don't give a fuck. I've just run out of fuck to give.
    1. Re:Alot of misrepresentation in movies by mshomphe · · Score: 3, Funny
      Who would watch a cop show if 95% of it was patrolling the streets issuing parking tickets?

      I'd watch it so I'd know when a @#$)(^@ cop was about to ticket my car!
      --
      She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue.
    2. Re:Alot of misrepresentation in movies by Cruciform · · Score: 4, Funny

      Man, if my girlfriend worked on ebola I'd be very careful to let her win *any* arguments we had. And if she ever sneezed while we were snuggled up, it would be very expensive to fix the whole I would leave in the wall as I ran through it.

  21. my personal hacker movie list by collin.m · · Score: 4, Informative

    just yesterday I did compile a list with all movies on this subject that I know of, with a short rating and a feature list.

  22. Re:Sweet Mother of crap by govtcheez · · Score: 3, Funny

    >think that shooting nerf guns in the office makes them "cool."

    I don't understand. Are you saying that nerf guns aren't cool?

    Alright, boys - take away his geek license.

  23. this is ridiculous. by fjordboy · · Score: 3, Funny

    I'm not trying to be redundant or anything here...but the second I saw the newspost, I thought of Officespace and how incredibly clever I was coming up with that name. I was thinking of my +5 "Insightful" score and how after people saw how clever I was and how knowledgable with movies I was, my self-confidence would be boosted and I'd be certain to find a woman. However, after clicking "read more" and discovering that 99.9% of all the posts refer to Officespace in one way or another, I was horribly dissappointed. But..I still wanted to post just to show that I'm still clever even if I wasn't the first one.

  24. here's a day in my life... by tx_mgm · · Score: 5, Funny

    so you're looking for accurate depictions of software programmers in movies? i hope this helps!
    i usually roll out of bed around 11 or noon (up all night clubbin wit da ladies!) and drive to work in my brand new hummer, completely disregarding traffic signals, speed limits and roads in general. assuming there arent any high speed chases with the bad guys on the way, i make it in to work in time for the boss to yell at me again for "violating protocol" again! im such an eXtreme programmer and i do things my way! thats about when the terrorists show up to the building to take my girlfriend hostage, forcing me to have to fight them all with my bare hands and the occasional uzi taken from fallen enemies (everyone else is taken hostage too, so im the only one that can fight). since im so ripped, i can streetfight anyone and win easily! at around 4 or 5 pm i manage to get to the leader and fight him to the death at the top of the building, throwing him off in the process. once i get my woman back, we get it on and then im off to the clubs for the night! but trouble arises at the club......

    oh wait, you want honesty? well heres honesty: unless its a comedy, dont make movies about software developers!

    --
    Gentlemen...BEHOLD!
    -Dr. Weird
  25. Well... by iamdrscience · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Tron wasn't that far off for its day, at that time there were a lot fewer large programming projects and as such a lot fewer teams of developers. It was much more common for a programmer to work by himself or herself than it is today.

    Also, while War Games obviously wasn't 100% accurate, it was definitely more realistic than the Net, Hackers and a lot of other movies featuring programmers.

    Movies aren't even meant to be 100% accurate, they're meant to be entertaining, it just happens that Firefighting and law enforcement are professions that are more entertaining than computer programming so they have to be changed less. Even those professions aren't portrayed accurately though like the article claimed, firemen spend most of their time waiting for fires, not putting them out and when they do put out fires more often than not they don't actually have to save people. Cops are the same way, they're not usually doing drug busts, catching robbers, using their keen investigative wit, going on high speed car chases, getting in shootouts or anything, most police work is driving around and filing papers.

  26. Archaeology has the same problem. by Dolemite_the_Wiz · · Score: 4, Insightful

    In every intro level Archaelolgy course I've taken, there is always a comment in the text books on how Archaeology is nothing like the world of Indiana Jones.

    Then again, the intro level courses are to weed out people who aren't ready for the rigors of a given dicipline.

    Dolemite

    --
    Save the World! Use a Quote!
    1. Re:Archaeology has the same problem. by murphj · · Score: 3, Funny
      In every intro level Archaelolgy course I've taken

      Dude, you're only supposed to take the intro once!
      --
      SONY. Because caucasians are just too damn tall.
  27. Thanks Hollywood.. by Dragonshed · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Hollywood glammorizes ANY professional field, not just software developers, etc. I remember the first time I learned that Court cases took longer than a few weeks (I was 15y/o, mind you), because I followed the OJ murder trial. My intake of movie drama had preconditioned me to think all Lawyers were as thoughtful and explosive as Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men, wailing at Nicholson, "I want the truth!" And then Nicholson responds, "You can't handle the truth!" It's practically never the case.

    I was (and still am) quite disappointed. My first assumptions about Law were based on movies, which, if you ask any Lawyer, are dramatized to the point of fiction.

    Much is the same with Technology. Anyone who's sat through Hackers will tell you how much of a (bad) joke it really is. The other great example is Swordfish, when Hugh Jackman hacks into a computer system in 60 seconds, at gunpoint, with a woman giving him head. Come on :p

    The point is this: Anyone who wishes to join any professional field should realize that work takes effort. If a movie gives you inspiration and/or a desire to look further into something you find interesting, fantastic. Seek out what you dream and live it. But be prepared to find something a little less idealized, something a bit more down to earth.

  28. Independance Day! by iocat · · Score: 5, Funny

    All aliens use AppleTalk...

    --

    Dude, I think I can see my house from here.

  29. Doctors, Lawyers, and Cops by Chazmati · · Score: 5, Funny

    My friends (mostly engineers) and I were discussing the success of shows like ER, Law and Order, Ally McBeal, Scrubs, etc. It seems like the popular shows are based on doctors, lawyers, or police work.

    "Why not a show about engineers?" someone asked.

    "Yeah, we could call it 'CR' - Conference Room! They could show us sitting around at boring meetings, eating doughnuts, writing emails and stuff..."

    That's when we realized why there are no shows about engineers.

    1. Re:Doctors, Lawyers, and Cops by biobogonics · · Score: 4, Insightful

      "Why not a show about engineers?"

      Go out and rent Apollo 13. It has some of the best engineers as hero scenes on film - complete with computers & slide rules.

      Remember the scenes where they have to power up the frozen command module without going over budget on amperage? Yes, software development is sometimes like that - with severe constraints, painstaking work and testing - and rewarding results.

    2. Re:Doctors, Lawyers, and Cops by BollocksToThis · · Score: 3, Funny

      why do we have "Magnum, PI" but not "Anderson, PE"?

      "But Anderson, that bridge can't handle the load it's under!"
      (Anderson pulls out duct tape and a slide rule)
      "It will if *I* have anything to do with it"
      (cue MacGyver style music)

      --
      This sig is part of your complete breakfast.
  30. Documentary by redragon · · Score: 3, Insightful

    http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/bridge/

    This is about engineers, but might be a good taste.

    I was also thinking that perhaps placing some web-cams in a computer lab around the deadline for large projects would be interesting. In my software engineering courses, the groups of students working together going back and forth is a great example of what software development ends up being like.

    Seriously, people in STS programs should be taking this as a hint, more studies please! :)

    --
    - Sighuh?
  31. What would you prefer? by Lethyos · · Score: 4, Funny

    Would you rather have the masses read /. to form their stereo types of CS people?

    "Computer science is clearly a field for people with enormous anuses, way too much time on their hands, hot grits down their pants, and a homosexual lust for cowboys."

    Of course, this isn't too far off the mark from CMU.

    --
    Why bother.
  32. Speaking as a Jedi.... by SuiteSisterMary · · Score: 5, Funny

    Speaking as a Jedi, I have to say, the movie portrayals are quite unrealistic, but frankly, it's the only way to get new members.

    I mean, for every trade negotiation that turns into an assassination attempt and daring escape from a battle fortress, there are thousands that are just plain boring; you sit around, listen to proposal and counter-proposal repeated verbatium for hours, until somebody changes something a whit, repeat, for a few weeks, then you break up for consultations.

    For every five minutes you get to duel with a Sith Lord, you spend YEARS doing the sword-technique equivalent of sitting at a keyboard, typing 'jjj[space]fff[space]jjj[space]fff[space]'

    Anywho, I don't mean to get off on a rant here, but the life of your typical Jedi is NOTHING like those flashy bastards you see in the movies.

    --
    Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
  33. Do you really want them to know? by Bowie+J.+Poag · · Score: 3, Funny

    I don't.

    I enjoy getting paid more because people are a little scared and a little bit intimidated by us. Letting them peek behind the curtain isn't a healthy career move.

    --
    Bowie J. Poag

  34. Inaccurate? I don't think so! by oakbox · · Score: 4, Funny
    He describes what he asserts to be inaccurate portrayals of developers in War Games, TRON, and The Net

    These movies PRECISELY describe what I do all day. Why, right this minute, I'm typing on one of my 8 totally custom made keyboards suspended in the air around me by a complex system of racks and harnesses, while glancing from side to side at the 21 monitors hanging around my control chair (with power swivel), and protecting my neon-lit plexiglass-cased server from being attacked by rogue agents and crackers going after the kernel! I'm regularly stopped by agents in expensive suits and 400 dollar Ray-Bans on the street and threatened about my attempts to bring down the national infrastructure with my super password cracking program that, if released, would allow instant access to every system on the planet. And don't even get me started with my super intense VR room in the back that let's me have hyper-realistic "intimate encounters" with my computer-generated love slave(s).

    I think we need to lift the veil of secrecy surrounding our profession and let the world know that we absolutely have the best fucking jobs on the planet.

    -Oakbox

    --
    Not just answers, the correct questions.
  35. Re:ID4? by ahrenritter · · Score: 3, Funny

    Actually, McAfee helped him out with instructions on how to bypass the old version the aliens were using. The next day, the homeworld got a call from their McAfee sales rep who said, "You see what can happen if you don't keep up to date with your service and upgrade subscription!?"

    --

    All I wanted was a rock to wind a piece of string around, and I ended up with the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
  36. Make it like Star Trek by GuyMannDude · · Score: 5, Funny

    The Hollywood portrayal could be worse, you know. Just imagine if they portrayed debugging like a ST:TNG episode, complete with flashing red alert lights and lots of noises:

    Picard: What's our status?

    Data: The process is attempting to completely allocate all available memory and CPU cycles.

    Worf: Available memory is down to 50%. 40%...

    Picard: Suggestions?

    Riker: Perform a break. Try to find out what happened.

    Picard: Make it so.

    Data: Ctrl-C was not successful. Process is still consuming resources.

    Worf: 30%, 20%...

    Wesley: Captain, this may be due to an incorrect check in the while loop...

    Picard: Shut up, Wesley!

    Geordi: Captain, we're losing segmentation containment. We've got to dump the core!

    Worf: ...10%...

    Picard: All hands, this is the Captain! All hands, log out! Repeat, all hands log out!

    Kaboom! Blue screen of death.

    GMD

  37. SHHHHHH! by gnovos · · Score: 4, Funny

    PLEASE don't tell the the truth... the more people think that I'm capable of breaking into top secret databases, alter credit cars statements, revoke driver's licenses, reroute spy satelites to take ultra high-res pictures or Natalie Portman sunbathing, etc. all from a public phone booth with a paperclip, the more likely I'll be able to look cool and suave to the ladies... Don't blow my cover man!

    --
    "Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!"
  38. Accurate Portrayal by JWSmythe · · Score: 4, Funny

    Office space was a good representation of the office working environment. Stupid bosses who don't do anything. Idiotic tasks specifically designed to waste time. Policies enforced just to annoy you (You forgot the cover sheet on the TPS report). "Friendly" staff evaluations to randomly lay off good staff..

    Been there, lived through it..

    A portrayal of my life would be pretty .. well .. boring. I do a lot of nothing, and don't get what I want to do accomplished. Oddly enough, what I want to do, and the company projects, are one in the same.. Read on...

    Follow me through Sunday evening and Monday..

    ---- Sunday Evening.
    Sunday, 6pm.. Coding new authentication module for Apache..

    20 minutes reading (from my personal O'Reilly library, dejanews, and the very few sites that may have clues to what I'm doing).
    30 minutes writing.
    5 minutes reading work
    2 seconds deciding I didn't like parts of it, and deleting 90%
    drink a beer.

    [lather;rinse;repeat] for the next 8 hours. On the weekend. Like, when I'm not even supppose to be working.

    Pager beeps at 2am. One server with 6 months of uptime is unreachable.
    Log into server. It's running.
    Check httpd processes, they're running.
    Try browsing to server, it's unreachable.
    30 seconds scratching head.

    Kill all httpd processes. Restart web server, check error logs. Starts normally.
    Try browsing to server. It's unrecachable.

    Reboot server (for spite).
    2 minutes drinking beer.

    Server's back up, still can't browse to it.
    netstat -a -n

    Oh look, one IP has 10,000 connections from a university in Russia (212.96.201.28, for those really interested)
    verify TCP_SYNCOOKIES enabled. yup.
    Check logs. No entries for that IP.
    Drop traffic that /24's traffic at the router.
    Browse to site. It works.

    Drink more beer. Go to bed at 3am
    ---------

    Monday morning.

    Wake up late.

    9am Drag my happy ass into office.

    9:20 discussion of what happened, and what we can do to prevent it happening again. I suggest going into used car sales.

    10:00 arrive at my desk.
    10:01 users start asking for their forgotten Email or FTP passwords.

    10:20 start back on authentication module.
    10:21 phone call forwarded from support.
    10:45 hang up on support call. I hate users.

    10:50 start back on authentication module.
    10:51 "Urgent" help needed for other people's broken CGI's.
    11:45 Finish fixing really shitty CGI's.

    11:46 decision: module or smoke.. Choose smoke. Can't find cyanide cigarette, choose cloves instead.

    12:00 back to desk with sandwich in hand.
    12:00.01 Can you help this guy on line 3?
    12:15 get rid of guy on phone. Unwrap sandwidth.
    12:16 "My computer has a blue screen, can you help me". Decision: shoot user, or hit reset for them.
    12:17->12:30 listen to user cry because they had some important program open, and I lost it. I'm so evil.
    12:31 pick up sandwidth
    12:31.0001 phone rings. Boss wants to talk about last night. I remind him I sent an Email on it. He asks for his Email password.

    12:45 I reach for the sandwich. "important" customer walks in, asking for changes to his site. I point to my sandwich. He says it'll only take a minute.

    1:30 {sigh} I look longingly at my lunch. Quickly I scribble on a post it "Comitted Suicide, memorial next week", and put it on my door. Phone stays outside the door too.

    1:31 the first bite of my sandwidth.. MMmmmmm.. Almost as good as street meet, with less rodent parts.

    1:35 all gone? I'm still hungry.

    1:36 begin work on authentication module.
    1:37 boss walks in (didn't he read the note?), wants to know why I haven't finished the authentication module.. And then throws another task at me that's more urgent.
    3:30 more urgent task done. Back to authentication module.
    3:35 parts arrive for servers that we've been waiting for, for 2 weeks. Delegate work. Spend the next half hour explaining how to do 5 minutes work.
    4:15 smoke. smoke. smoke. it's oddly quiet. No phones, no users. I wonder if I can bring my laptop down here.

    4:30 authentication module. I still haven't written one line yet, but I'm trying..
    4:31 Boss comes in screaming, I think one of the networks is slow. Spend the next hour justifying the fact that nothing is slow, enforced with transfer rates and ping times.

    5:30 smoke.
    5:45 contemplate suicide. Go back to office anyways. Start working on authentication module.
    5:50 girlfriend calls. "Why don't you love me, you never spend time with me."
    6:20 finish with girlfriend. Take elevator to top floor to find out roof access is locked (smart people).
    6:30 go home.

    So, today I accomplished exactly *NOTHING*.

    That's my typical fuckin' work day.

    I've gone as far as to put the phones outside my office door (including cell), put a big note explaining that I'm on an important project and to leave me alone. I then lock and barracade the door. That'll get the boss banging on the door within 5 minutes. {sigh} After asking if I'm ok, and why I did it, he then asks if the project is done..

    I tried working from home one day, because there was a project that needed to be completed (the boss wanted it immediately).. The boss insisted that I keep my phone on, in case there were emergencies.. I took 68 calls from the office that day.

    I can't win.

    I may as well be doing TPS reports with fish flavored cover sheets.

    --
    Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.