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The Science of The Moist Towelette

Posted by michael on from the there's-always-someone dept.

BoomZilla writes "Just when you thought that things couldn't get any stranger, may I present for you delectation the enchantment of the Modern Moist Towelette Collection. Pictures, interactive demos (I kid you not) and the ever-popular MMTC theme song are presented in their resplendent glory. I was particularly excited to learn that Edvard Munch's The Scream was not, in fact, a representation of stress, but rather a depiction of a gentleman who has soiled his hands and is using an early form of moist towelette to clean himself. Decide for yourself."

65 of 116 comments (clear)

  1. Just when I thought Slashdot was starting to suck. by poor_boi · · Score: 1, Funny

    Everyone knows that moist towelettes are the true path to world peace and prosperity. Just ask Scott Grantham and Greg Gerou.

  2. Don't underestimate the power of the towel by bangzilla · · Score: 5, Funny

    I think Douglas Adams' (RIP) words regarding "lemon soaked paper napkins" - or lack thereof, on the derelict spaceship close to the 13 mile high statue of Arthur Dent throwing the nutrimatic cup is justification enough for collecting these things. Remember - you always need to know where your (moist) towel(ette) is!

    --
    Rich people are eccentric. Poor people are strange. Me, I'd be happy with odd.
    1. Re:Don't underestimate the power of the towel by rf0 · · Score: 1

      Soaked in vitamins it can provider a number of days of nutrition, apparently

      Rus

      --
      Cheap UK and US VPS
  3. Not that Strange! by bamberg29 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    This is really not that strange. Back in elementary school, (I'm in college now) the school used to have a sealed plastic bag that contained a napkin, a spork, a knife, and a wet nap. Of course, my friends and I never used the wet naps and instead collected them. Throughout the year, I collected quite a variety of them and just a few years ago, I was cleaning out some stuff and a found a box of wet naps. Of course, they were all dried up.

    This just shows what we'll collect. Then again, I wouldn't collect wet naps now. :)

    David

    1. Re:Not that Strange! by soloport · · Score: 2, Funny

      So what you're saying is, your real name is Jack Handy.

    2. Re:Not that Strange! by CvD · · Score: 1

      What the hell is a spork? Spoonfork? Okay, never mind... Google to the rescue:

      Since we're talking about weird websites, might as well mention this one dedicated to ... sporks.

      Amazing...

      --
      The Official Steve Ballmer Webpage
    3. Re:Not that Strange! by racermd · · Score: 1

      On a (somewhat) related note: Has anybody really inspected the packaging of wet-naps and seriously pondered *why* some things are printed there? Specifically, why there are *instructions* on some wet-naps? "Open packet and use." I mean, what happened that propted the requirement of instructions on a wet-nap!?

      Every time I start feeling that I don't know enough about anything, I just remind myself that someone really does need instructions on wet-naps. Suddenly, I'll feel better about my place in the universe knowing that I'm not really the target for those instructions...

      --
      My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
    4. Re:Not that Strange! by Kong+the+Medium · · Score: 1

      [...]His house was called The Outside of the Asylum. His name was simply John Watson, though he preferred to be called - and some of his friends had now reluctantly agreed to this - Wonko the Sane. [..] "Yes. They are the words that finally turned me into the hermit I have now become. It was quite sudden. I saw them, and I knew what I had to do." The sign said: Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion. "It seemed to me," said Wonko the sane, "that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane." These are the words of Douglas Adams to this piece of cake,

      --
      ... whenever a text is transmitted, variation occurs. This is because human beings are careless, fallible, and occasiona
    5. Re:Not that Strange! by Alphtoo · · Score: 1

      No, it's really not too strange. About 40 years ago, an elderly lady on my newspaper route collected matchbooks, and her collection was so interesting that I decided to do it too. She had done quite a bit of traveling in her younger days, though had slacked off a bit on that, but she had darn matchbooks from all over the world. I thought that was pretty cool. I have no idea what became of my collection, but I've wondered if those old matchbooks would be worth anything today.

  4. I had no idea.... by mao+che+minh · · Score: 4, Informative
    I had no idea that the moist towelette was such a very popular topic:

    The Online Museum

    Vintage Moist Towelette

    The Moist Towlettel page

    1. Re:I had no idea.... by grunthos · · Score: 1
      Dang! My chance to get Slashdotted and the database was down.

      Anyways, the database is up again; check out those pics at bolis.com

      --

      My son's 5th grade teacher actually assigned them "write a limerick about a planet". I'm not kidding.
  5. Hrmm by acehole · · Score: 4, Funny

    One of the most precious recources for any geek is a moist towelette that can be substituted for that unnecessary showering...

    as long as you've got a steady supply, no need to leave the keyboard.

    --
    Be you Admins? nay, we are but lusers!
    1. Re:Hrmm by fatcat1111 · · Score: 2, Informative

      This used to be an option, back before they started includin alcohol in the solution. Now, it dries out your skin terribly after just a few "baths."

      --
      How Politicians Lie: http://www.factcheck.org/
    2. Re:Hrmm by jpetts · · Score: 1

      One of the most precious recources for any geek is a moist towelette that can be substituted for that unnecessary showering...

      Just got back for LinuuxFest NW, in Bellingham. Jon "maddog" Hall gave a talk about how to get the Linux message across to unbelievers. One of the things he said is that you with some people at least, you need to put on fairly respectable, clothes, or at least change the ones you do wear.

      --
      Call me old fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating - Bender
  6. Those things. by inertia187 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I hate the moist towelette. It's terrible on a newborn's skin. The hospital recommended just cotton towlettes. The non-moist kind, and even gave us a supply that barely lasted a week.

    See, you wet them from this thing called a faucet. That way, there's nothing added that will adversely effect baby.

    When we ran out, I tried to find some at the store, but all they had were moist towelettes. Rows and rows of them. Eventually we tried them, making sure we picked the water only type.

    No good. Baby's skin was getting red. So we switched to cotton balls (now that's fun, let me tell you).

    Now he's six weeks old, and we've been using the moist towelettes again with no adverse side effects. But why can't I find dry towlettes at the store? Why call them moist when that's the only kind they sell?

    --
    A programmer is a machine for converting coffee into code.
    1. Re:Those things. by Enrico+Pulatzo · · Score: 4, Insightful

      You should do what my friends do: make your own from paper towels. Just cut the roll in half and store it in a tupperware container to keep it moist. Not sure what brand paper towel they use though, a cheap one might be pretty rough.

    2. Re:Those things. by awx · · Score: 4, Funny

      Can you not use just normal toilet paper on baby?
      What is it with saying "on Baby?" You wouldn't say "Can you not use just normal toilet paper on wife?", would you? You'd say "on your wife".

      Same with baby. With ^your^ baby.

      --
      Feel that power? That's mah MOUSING FINGER
    3. Re:Those things. by sco08y · · Score: 1

      Do you normally compare your wife to your baby as though they're equally deserving of respect?

    4. Re:Those things. by jez9999 · · Score: 1

      If that isn't the norm in your home, you must have had a rather unhappy upbringing.

      --
      == Jez ==
      Do you miss Firefox? Try Pale Moon.
    5. Re:Those things. by Chief+Crazy+Chicken · · Score: 2, Informative

      baby come, language go.

      Someday, you know this.

      (leaving words out also beats the alternative... "wipey pipey baby wabey" )

    6. Re:Those things. by brundlefly · · Score: 2, Informative

      A hypo-allergenic moist towelette designed for babies is *not* what is making baby's skin red. That would be the urine and fecal residue from incomplete cleanings.

      To clear up the redness problem, I highly highly recommend Weleda baby diaper cream. Use it after some/most cleaning where you just didn't have time for a proper washing. Redness gone, guaranteed. Also hypo-allergenic, and baby actually likes it.

    7. Re:Those things. by sco08y · · Score: 1

      Let's see: one is a poop factory, the other is a beautiful woman.

      As a matter of fact, yes, I do expect people to earn respect. Show me some punk ass kid vs. a Vietnam veteran, guess who's going to get my respect.

    8. Re:Those things. by sco08y · · Score: 1

      Babies are invaluable because of their potential as human beings, but potential isn't achievement.

      I think a mother is due special respect, if only because she went through more pain than I'm ever likely to experience to bring me into this world.

  7. Towellete Concentration by absurdhero · · Score: 1

    I just can't stop playing it! It is just so exciting to be able to match up all of those wonderful towelletes that I recognize! I think these Moist Towellete collectors are on to something. They really have found a special art.

  8. Re:Nice collection, except... by bangzilla · · Score: 1

    The do have them at the Big Bang Burger Bar though.....

    --
    Rich people are eccentric. Poor people are strange. Me, I'd be happy with odd.
  9. Yuck by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Informative

    I remember having to clean the head of my penis with a moist towelette before an STD test.

    NOT KIDDING!

  10. This is actually true by mao+che+minh · · Score: 1
    I routinely took STD tests from ages 16 to 20 (after that I got into CS, and well, the sex life sorta took a nose dive). Burns like a son of a bitch if it "gets in there".

    Death to the moist towelette infindels.

  11. Re:Nice collection, except... by switched4OSX · · Score: 4, Funny

    They come in handy if you need to clean up before visiting Eccentrica Gallumbits.

  12. Hmmph by TwistedSpring · · Score: 4, Funny

    This page has clearly been created by a solitary person who wants to create the impression that there are indeed many Moist Towelette collectors out there by pretending that there is some kind of Moist Towelette community.

    A quick look at his Q & A indicates that there are in fact only two questions, and both are probably faked by him.

    My immediate suggestion therefore is to all swiftly contact this gentleman and enthuse on our sudden interest in moist towelettes. His faith in the Internet as a medium for populating his ideas will be boosted 2000 fold, at least until AOL starts charging for the bandwidth.

    This should probably not be on slashdot, it should be on somethingawful.com. If slashdot were to cover every crackpot website out there there'd be no space for any real news. If there was any evidence of a community of moist towelette collectors at this site, it'd be news. But since it's clearly just one poor sod on his own and maybe a handful of friends laughing behind his back, it really doesnt qualify as news and is on par with "Exceedingly dull person found on Internet" which wouldnt be much of a surprise.

    But I'm beeing a bit of a killjoy here, the song was at least amusing, and wow does it beat the hell out of the OpenBSD songs!...

    1. Re:Hmmph by buffer-overflowed · · Score: 1

      There's real news on here now?

      Come on now, it's amusing, you felt the need to comment, you felt the need to RTFA, you found at least one aspect of it amusing.

      --
      The key to the enjoyment of pop music is to replace any instance of "love" with "C.H.U.D."
    2. Re:Hmmph by rizzo420 · · Score: 1

      AOL already took down his page for the day because he used up his allotted bandwidth already. guess his ideas won't spread as quickly as he thought. stupid slashdot effect. my guess is only a few hundred people (maybe not even that many) will get to see the page each day before the allowed bandwidth is used.

      --
      please me, have no regrets.
  13. I don't know which is more pathetic by Stubtify · · Score: 4, Funny
    The fact that this guy is so dedicated to towelettes

    Or

    The fact that a good majority of those towelettes look familiar to me.

  14. poor guy by Funky+Jester · · Score: 2, Funny


    Poor guy....something as innocuous as moist towelettes, and he's about to get slashdotted..oh well. There's no helping that now.

    1. Re:poor guy by PrinceAshitaka · · Score: 1

      Poor guy probably has no clue why he can't acces his own web page. He will be even more stunned when he realizes how many people visited his web page.

      --
      quis custodiet ipsos custodes
  15. Re:Nice collection, except... by TaoTeCheese · · Score: 2, Funny

    I heard they can also be used to clean up TCP/IP dirty bits..... :P

  16. Re:Nice collection, except... by TaoTeCheese · · Score: 1

    Sorry, forgot, that's EVIL bit... Got confused there for a second.

  17. That Theme Song by Altima(BoB) · · Score: 5, Funny

    From the website:
    Verse 1:
    You're Soft
    You're Wet
    You Smell So Good...

    Chorus:
    I Love You Moist Towelettes
    I Love You Moist Towelettes
    I Love You Moist Towelettes

    Verse 2:
    You're Pretty
    The Way They Dress You Up
    Wanna Take You Home
    Open You Up

    (Chorus)

    Outro:
    Can't Wait To Get My Hands On You
    Can't Wait To Rub My Hands On You
    Can't Wait To Get My Hands On You
    Tear Open, Unfold, and Use
    ...
    You know, if you replace "moist towlette" with someone's name, you have a potential serial rapist on your hands.
    This is scary.

    --
    Yup...
    1. Re:That Theme Song by UrGeek · · Score: 1

      Especially scary if you could get the Doors to cover it!

    2. Re:That Theme Song by rworne · · Score: 1

      Actually, there's a "Moist Towelette" song from the group Killer Pussy on their album Bikini Wax.

      If you want to know what kind of music they play, they played the song "Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage" - and sound a lot like the B-52's.

      That should be all the info anyone needs for Limewire, Bearshare, or WinMX

      --
      I tried every decent and legal way I could think of to resolve the issue w/the business before I rented the chicken suit
  18. Collection or Catalog? by jeh0bu · · Score: 1

    Wow! I have seen this before and have actually discussed this Web site in an academic setting! A lecturer at the University of Washington Information School showed this moist towelette site to us in class a while back. We tried to decide whether it was a collection or a catalog.

  19. No news... by NotTheAntiChrist · · Score: 1, Interesting

    Okay, I realize some days are just very slow news days, but this is ridiculous. Perhaps instead of posting stories on people's unoriginal eccentricities, we could revisit cool software projects that maybe haven't been mentioned in a while? Like.. how's Plex86 doing? OSkit? That kind of thing. Or just borrow news headlines from newsforge, or osnews? Really, if everyone who had a witty little site devoted to something stupid that they thought was clever got their 15 minutes of fame, i wouldn't live long enough to hear about all of them. Same goes for pictures of gnomes.

  20. Reminds me of Inspector 34... by Joseph+Wharton · · Score: 1

    A moisty-nap always comes in handy when you're eating BBQ chicken.

    --
    Quality or Quantity, don't tell me they're the same.
  21. Bounty... by hawthorne · · Score: 1

    kitchen towels that don't disintegrate when they're wet - work a treat.

  22. Re:Two fp in one day? by SpanishInquisition · · Score: 1

    How about three ?

    --
    Je t'aime Stéphanie
  23. Re:Check out the Counter by hurtta · · Score: 1
    It's up to 69663 at the moment - lucky it's AOL we're slashdotting :-)

    AOL seems limit slashdotting:

    Web Site Not Displayed
    Sorry, We Can't Display That Page
    This member has exceeded their bandwith for the day. Please check back after 4 am EST to access this page

    Hometown Community Guidelines

    500 Unknown Host

  24. It's dead, Jim. by soccerisgod · · Score: 1

    /.'ed already :|

    --
    If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
  25. damn aol by syberdave · · Score: 1

    It got slashdotted...

    Web Site Not Displayed

    Sorry, We Can't Display That Page
    This member has exceeded their bandwith for the day. Please check back after 4 am EST to access this page

    or at least for today.
    Damn AOL

  26. Benzalkonium Chloride by jakedata · · Score: 2, Informative

    Not standard otc stuff, it is made to kill bacteria on the surface so the sample is unadultrated.

  27. The moist towelette theory by Gossy · · Score: 1

    I couldn't let this opportunity go to share this link - 'The moist towelette theory' over at e2...

    http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=6409 64

    1. Re:The moist towelette theory by Gossy · · Score: 2, Informative

      Ack!

      A clickable link for the lazy: The moist towelette theory

  28. curiouser and curiouser by jpellino · · Score: 1

    again a story that gets posted while the one about the GCI characters in the Two Towers imbued with AI goes begging...

    And the moist towelettes are a godsend to cyclists - they take the place of a water bottle in my kit bag.

    --
    "Win treats sysadmins better than users. Mac treats users better than sysadmins. Linux treats everyone like sysadmins."
    1. Re:curiouser and curiouser by wayne606 · · Score: 1

      Okay, what's the URL for AI story?

    2. Re:curiouser and curiouser by bangzilla · · Score: 1

      If you're talking about "Massive Attack" -- it was done weeks ago.

      --
      Rich people are eccentric. Poor people are strange. Me, I'd be happy with odd.
  29. Maoist Towelettes.. by rubberducky · · Score: 1

    Am I the only one to first read this as MAOist?

  30. Slashdotted by Zepalesque · · Score: 2, Informative

    Google Cache:

    Towelette Gallery
    Towelette Q&A
    Towelette Awards
    Towelette Contacts

  31. Hi Teck JO's? by pipingguy · · Score: 2, Funny

    Has this replaced the single sock method?

  32. "Peter Piper spelling bee" category by kguilber · · Score: 2, Funny

    ..may I present for you delectation the enchantment..

    not only was 'you' misspelled, it took me a minute just to be able to say that damn sentence and figure out what it meant.

  33. Fewer Underwear Changes by snatchitup · · Score: 1

    I told my wife, once we got these, now I'll be able to stretch out a pair of skivvies through the entire week (Given I turn them inside out on hump day).

    The underwear Gnomes will lose their target market!

    Step 1. Collect Underwear
    Step 2. ?
    Step 3. Bankruptcy!!!

    Ha HA. Your target market now has cleaned up its act. They actually eat off their own butts they are so clean...

    Now that's Justice.

  34. This site has WAY MORE Towlettes by DarKrow · · Score: 1

    http://www.artkolective.com/moist-towelette/index. htm

    --

    It lives up to it's name: http://www.sanspoint.com
  35. Silica Gel Mystery by calyxa · · Score: 2, Funny
    haven't seen the moist towelettes, but I imagine the site can't hold a candle to the Silica Gel Mystery

    DO NOT EAT!

    -calyxa

    --
    Decay! Decay! Decay! -Helium
  36. Re:Not just for computer geeks by user+no.+590291 · · Score: 1

    Same here. No matter what the nay-sayers say, I'm grateful for the service you all perform for your country.

  37. terry-cloth wash cloths by jgifford · · Score: 1

    We bought a couple dozen cheap "terry-cloth" wash cloths. When it is time to wash my baby's bum, we soak it in warm/hot water and clean him off. Then it goes in the diaper pail with the soiled diaper to be washed, dried and used again.

    Works really well.

  38. How about a moist towel? by Frankus · · Score: 1
    It would be like a moist towelette, but large enough to bathe with. Just step into a closet, tear open the package (roughly the size of a standard sheet of paper), and use*.

    Also in the vein of ridiculously oversized consumer products, how about a "house freshener." It would be like those vile little tree-shaped car fresheners, except roughly one meter tall. You'd hang it from your ceiling and fill your house with noxious faux-pine fumes.

    *I'm paraphrasing the instructions of an actual moist towelette ("tear open package, remove towelette, and use").

  39. hmm. . . by UltimateZer0 · · Score: 1

    ...don't forget to bring an extra towel(ette).

    --

    --- I'm going to get a score of -1 for this post because the mods are fuckers.

  40. order some online! by troutsoup · · Score: 1

    you can always order your moist nap needs at MOISTNAP.COM

    --
    -- troutsoup.com