Slashdot Mirror
SCO Nigerian Spam
An anonymous reader writes "This Nigerian/SCO spam email (courtesy of Ars Technica) has been doing the rounds recently." With all the SCO news lately, it's nice to see something with a bit of humor in it.
← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)
How much do you want to bet *some* people will fall for it and sue SCO? I can just hear some linux hackers laughing about the matter in the background.
SCO's e-mail neglects to mention that since they have the e-mail itself copyrighted, and you're now using it on one of your computers by opening it, you already owe them a sum they will "conveniently supply"...
I amazed crafty Darl would miss this obvious profit opportunity!
~ Whence do you come, slayer of men, or where are you going, conqueror of space?
Then I have some swamp land in Florida to sell them.
The worst thing is that many people will ACTUALLY fall for it (as for the other nigerian Scam) ... people that still believe that there's some "good" people around there ...
I really loved the "AND WITH THE AMOUNT LEFT BLANK FOR US TO CONVENIENTLY SUPPLY" part... hehehe...
Seriously..... would be someone there SO stupid to answer to this??!
SCO is just upset because the average Linux user gets laid more than them.
-If God wanted people to be better than me, he would have made them that way.
Surely this one is:
URGENT ASSISTANCE - FROM USA
IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED: HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL
FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH 202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111 FAX: 202.456.2461
DEAR SIR / MADAM,
I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE
YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I
CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO
HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE
TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM
CONFIDENCE.
I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR
ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE
REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN
COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY
ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN THE UNITED STATES OF
AMERICA,AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES
CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY
FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO
WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO
REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF
IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A FALLING-OUT WITH
HIS IRAQI PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL REVENUE SOURCES
IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH
SUBSIDIARY.
MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF
SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT
COST,THIRTY-SIX BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS
PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF
MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY GERMAN AND
JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER
REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.
MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL
OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM
ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM
FROM POWER. UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO
SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE MAY
COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000
-$200,000,000,000), BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM
MANAGEMENT. WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE
ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS WHY MY
FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS
ASSISTANCE. OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION
INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
RICHARD CHENEY,WHO IS AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND FORMER
HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE
PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING OF
A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER. I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM
EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO
OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE
SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED
INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH
(15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL. I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS
MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING
YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL
NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS
TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS
TRANSACTION,PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER
DISCUSS
We've had the George W. Bush Nigerian spam, and now this.
As any controversial issue continues, the probability of receiving a satirical Nigerian spam e-mail approaches 1.
the SCO shares I bought 7 months ago have jumped almost 500%.
I'm still waiting for the $23m that the son of the Nigerian oil baron promised me though. I'll keep you posted.
Like this one
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
SCO Group to Shoot Babies. This one's courtesy osnews.com
Here is my suggestion:
MY ASSOCIATES HAVE RECENTLY MADE CLAIM TO COMPUTER SOFTWARES WORTH AN ESTIMATED $1 BILLION U.S. DOLLARS.
Could be improved by:
MY ASSOCIATES HAVE RECENTLY MADE CLAIM TO COMPUTER SOFTWARES WORTH AN ESTIMATED $1 BILLION ($1,000,000,000.00) U.S. DOLLARS.
And to make things a bit more interesting:
OUR ENGINEERS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT NO FEWER THAN SEVENTY (70) LINES OF OUR VALUABLE AND PROPRIETARY SOURCE CODES HAVE APPEARED IN THE UPSTART OPERATING SYSTEM LINUX.
could be changed to:
OUR ENGINEERS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT
- UP TO
- SEVEN IN TEN (70%)
OF OUR VALUABLE AND PROPRIETARY SOURCE CODES HAVE APPEARED IN THE UPSTART OPERATING SYSTEM LINUX.To the author: the more dramatic and consistent in the apperence of the spam, the more automated response for the viewers to hit that block and delete key. Keep up the great work, you are getting there.
i helped him out and i made a bundle! with the money, i bought a great house with a fantastic mortgage. then i married a beautiful russian bride, and i pleasure her with my surgically enlarged, viagra driven member.
the only problem i am having is finding toner....
Then there is also this one...
Subject: URGENT special arrangement
FROM: GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE
DUNLAND
Dear sir and/or madame,
Salutations, I am GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE, The son of late Counsellor Grima Wormtongue of the Kingdom of Rohan.
My father was Chief Counsellor [equivalent to Prime Minister] to late lamented king Theoden of Rohan. In his position my father altogether legally and correctly acquired significant assets throughout Rohan in order to protect the Kingdom from enemy forces within and without.
In the course of lamentable events succeeding, my father was illegally deprived of office and expelled from the Kingdom. Before this he had with foresight already entirely legally deposited the sum of M.500,000,000,000 in gold with the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith).
While in exile in the north he was assaulted and murdered by a band of northern pigmies. His family was obliged to seek refuge in northern Dunland among some of our sympathisers.
My father left to me all documents necessary to retrieve the sum of gold aforesaid from the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). However, in the current political circumstances my solicitor believes it unwise for me to attempt to make the trip from Dunland to Minas Tirith, and has recommended that I seek a trustworthy foreign business partner into whose account this money could be tranferred. This appears to be the best option as we are unable to open an account in Dunland. Therefore we are seeking your trustworthy assistance and cooperation.
You will provide information about your account that will enable a deposit to be made in your name. I will contact the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith) and inform them that the money is to be placed into your account. Upon completion of the transaction your share of the proceeds will be 15% net following deduction of all transfer fees, that is M.75,000,000,000. If the transaction goes well we also look forward to maintaining you as a profitable business partner for future ventures.
It goes without saying that I can expect your complete confidence and secrecy in keeping this matter under wraps prefatory to completion.
Thank you and ERU bless.
MR. GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE
Reply to Mr. Grimhelm Wormtongue
Subject: Re:Urgent Special Arrangement
To: Grimhelm Wormtongue, Dunland
Dear Mr. Wormtongue,
Thank you for your recent letter. I regret to inform you that your father, the late Grima Wormtongue (and our condolences to you - so sorry about the pigmy thing) had secured the services of the late Steward of Gondor, Denethor, who has recently passed on. Lord Denethor unfortunately had been ill for many months following the death of his eldest and most beloved son, Boromir (who himself met an untimely demise at the hands of brigands and murderers). During his illness, Lord Denethor sent most of the monies your father had to one Dark Lord. If you wish to contact him, you may do so at: The Dark Lord, Tower of Barad-d?r, Plains of Gorgoroth, Mordor. Unfortunately I do believe he is away on vacation and no date has been stated for his return.
All that is left in the account at the Bank of Gondor of the original M.500,000,000,000 is M.01. So sorry. If you wish, you may consider investing this small amount into a fund that has a promising future and you may find your money growing over the years to come. I suggest, if I may, the fund called "Osgiliath Rebuilders Inc." It has good solid backing from the recently crowned King of Gondor, Lord Aragorn, who, it seems, has many resources at his command, having received many gifts and treasures from Dwarves and Elves during his coronation.
If I can be of further assistance, please do not hesitate to send a courier.
Elbereth!
Faramir, Steward of Gondor
Erlang Developer and podcaster
I thought all the SCO news lately WAS the humor?
With all the SCO news lately, it's nice to see something with a bit of humor in it.
You probably don't know how hard I laughed while reading "SCO declares GPL invalid".
It needs a heavier dose of Manglish (Mangled English) for it to be proper...
DR. EVIL
Anyways, since my "death star" laser was developed by my evil minions in Santa Cruz, California, I thought we'd name it in their honor - THE SANTA CRUZ OPERATION!
SCOTT snickers again.
DR. EVIL
What now?
SCOTT
The Santa Cruz Operation is a technology company that makes money from frivolous lawsuits. Why dont you just call it the Walt Disney project? Ass.
DR. EVIL
Shhhh!
SCOTT
I'm nineteen, I don't-
DR. EVIL
Shh! Shh-Shh. Shh-Shhhhhh-Shh. Shh-shh! It's Morse code.
(reading imaginary paper)
Let me decipher...it says 'shhhhh!'
SCOTT
You are so lame..
DR. EVIL
Shhhh!
Former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
A link that actually works :) http://www.ddj.com/documents/s=7896/ddj0309m/
Just a humble suggestion: Asking for credit card numbers or blank cheques/checks or direct deposits (donations) seems just a little unprofessional and unrealistic. I suggest the following:
UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY EXTRACTING OUR FUNDS FROM THESE COMPUTER SOFTWARES. TO THIS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE MANDATE BY MY COLLEAGUES TO CONTACT YOU AND ASK FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE. WE ARE PREPARED TO SELL YOU A SHARE IN THIS ENTERPRISE "THE SCO GROUP (SCOX)" WHICH IS 100% PUBLICALLY LISTED ON THE NASDAQ STOCK EXCHANGE. OUR SHARE PRICE IS EXPECTED TO REACH UP TO ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS ($100.00) FOR EACH SHARE YOU PURCHASE THROUGH THE BROKERAGE OF YOUR CHOICE. TO HELP US GUAGE HOW YOUR SHARE PRICE WILL PERFORM, PLEASE CONTACT US AND GIVE YOUR INDICATION ON WHAT PRICE YOU EXPECT TO SELL YOUR SHARES TO MAKE INSTANT PROFIT. WE WILL PASS THIS INFORMATION TO OUR MANAGMENT TEAM AND BOARD OF DIRECTORS SO THEY CAN MAKE INFORMED DECISION REGARDING THE DIRECTION OF THE COMPANY.
KINDLY TREAT THIS REQUEST AS VERY IMPORTANT AND STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL. I HONESTLY ASSURE YOU THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL AND RISK-FREE.
You mean this whole lawsuit thing is for real?
This is SCO, and we are serving this subpoena for you to remove the "SCO Nigerian Spam" from your site. We bought the rights to said spam when we bought the rights to all of Unix System V, including Linux and all derivates. We reserve the right to publish "SCO Nigerian Spam" as we see fit. We own your spam. Cease and desist or be sued out of existance pathetic Slashdot!
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are developing something and you release it as GPL, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's useless, it's yours!
Dear Sir or Madam,
This law firm is intellectual property and litigation counsel to the Telemarketing Industry Association of Nigeria (TIAN). It has come to our attention that you are sending out e-mails offering for sale of a share in your company.
Please be advised that TIAN is the holder of the patent for "offering for sale for a part of a company," which the United States Patent and Trademark office has accepted for registration on the Principal Register. Since 1997, my client has used the "business model" and has become famous worldwide. Internet users looking for Nigerian Businesses for sale expect to find my client's businesses.
You are hereby warned and notified to CEASE AND DESIST your use of "offering for sale for a part of a company" as a business model, which you have obviously used in bad faith. If you do not immediately transfer all profits to TIAN, we will take all action necessary to protect our business model. Your failure to comply will result in my client's full and forceful prosecution of all of its rights, and you could incur liability for damages in excess of $100,000,000,000 and responsibility for our attorneys' fees.
Sincerly,
Olusegun Obasanjo
I have lost the will to live.
It'll go nicely with the section I bought on the Moon.
Forget thrust, drag, lift and weight. Airplanes fly because of money.
I think I can get her money back, but I will need her account information first.