Slashdot Mirror
U.S. Air Force Plans for War In Space
arhca writes "Wired has an article about the U.S. Air Force's plans to put military weapons in outer space. Plans include firing hypervelocity rods from space to targets on the ground, space-based lasers and large mirrors to reflect the beams at targets on the ground, and a space-based radio frequency energy weapon to destroy or disable foreign satellites. The Air Force's PDF can be found here."
Of course all this high powered weaponry will NOT MAKE A SOUND IN SPACE (not even cool 'zap' sounds). Perhaps they should put that into the article scifi movie writers will take note.
:-P
Note: This is a joke. Everytime I attempt humor on slashdot, the mods get it, but I get about 50 replies explaining why what I wrote is wrong. If you have no sense of humor, get off the net and go find some
Good quote, too many chars. Seriously, the slashdot 120 char limit sucks!
hypervelocity n : excessive velocity; "the meteorites struck the earth with hypervelocity impacts"
Are these rods the size of VWs or something? That's pretty ambitious, if you ask me.
A programmer is a machine for converting coffee into code.
The Alan Parsons Project!
long live star wars.
"There's no defense like a good offense."
Now what about the popcorn...
I invented this business plan:
1. Place giant LASER on moon/giant dridgible.
2. Hold citizens of earth hostage for 1 BILLION dollars.
3. ????
4. PROFIT!
- Dr. Evil
Free your ecomony and enact the FairTax
" More space junk. It's getting pretty crowded up there already."
Yeah really man! Me an a couple friends were up in space last weekend and I was all like, "dude, space has become soooooo crowded" and he was like "dude totally".
-m
#
# Modus Ponens
#
Its a bird
Its a plane
No Wait
OH SH#T
The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots.
God, I read too much Sci-Fi.
Final proof, if proof were needed, that George W really does believe Star Trek is real. He's no doubt drafted the orders for this from behind his sofa, trembling in his ST pyjamas at the thought of Klingons coming for him and stealing his oil.
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." Earl Wilson
watching this....
I am NaN
[obscure]
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
I think you're mistaken. My ancestral parent was the one that kicked your weak-ass ancestral parent.
loser.
Heating a giant Jiffy-Pop bag of course. (Joke lost on anyone who hasn't seen the movie)
Trolls lurk everywhere. Mod them down.
Great, something else to breakup and rain down on us in 30 years
Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed "nucular" accelerator on his back.
Sig changed for readability by G.W.
And in other news, the United States Air force came under attack today from a group of hackers known as Slashdot. For over five hours, a "denial of service" attack was conducted against an Air Force webserver. Tom Ridge, head of the Department of Homeland Security, said he is looking into the matter, and that he is expects arrests will be made shortly.
Hoist Number One and Number Six.
They'll put a bunch of quirky geniuses to work on the project, but they won't really understand what they're woring on. They'll build a super-laser and pass their class!
And then... they'll figure out that they've been duped into building a weapon and redirect the laser test to pop and shitload of popcorn in the prof's house. The house will overflow with popcorn and children will play in it without getting cut by glass and nails and stuff from the torn apart house.
And then Laslo will win lots of cool prizes.
Alright, imagine you're a radical terrorist. You and your terrorist friend are walking down the street, both with dynamite strapped to your chests, or a can of nerve gas, whatever.
Scenario 1: Someone snipes your friend from a nearby window. He bleeds to death in your arms. Your reaction? Anger. Damn them! Revenge! Death to the imperialists. After all, you have bullets too. They're fighting on your terms.
Scenarion 2: A big motherfucking bomb drops out of the sky, blows your friend into tiny kibbles-n-bits sized chunks, and sends you ass over elbows into a crumpled heap some 20 yards away. Your reaction? "HOLY FLURKING SHNIT!" What ya gonna do about it? You'd instantly realize you're way the hell out of your league.
Shock and awe.
No matter what your politics are, you cant deny that the iraqi republican guard must have shit their pants when within a half hour, the whole friggin cities infrastructure, and most of their heavy weapons, were cinders.
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
I wonder if "Sarge" Will operate the space-based hypervelocity rod gun.
"Obviously, I'm not an IBM computer any more than I'm an ashtray" (Bob Dylan)
Goes back further than you think. Remember the computer game SPACE WAR? It was training for this moment.
Warm up your photon torpedoes and go get em.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
"Hold on... Wait a second, they have laser weapons and mass drivers sure enough, but they're pointed _toward_ the planet."
"No way! That doesn't make a lot of sense. They're vulnerable to meteor strikes, comets, ... attack from unfriendly aliens."
"Hmm. Maybe it's a prison planet, and the satellites prevent escape."
"That could be. We saw that moon base, and those could be the jailers."
"Yeah, and have you seen their entertainment? Only hardcore prisoners would like that stuff."
-- Fratz, human
Yeah and we went into Iraq for humanitarian reasons.
Tru dat!
It's prolly just easier to build a base on the moon and then lob your rocks at your enemies from there.
Oh wait...didn't Bush II propose a moon base?
Heh.
had already planned defenses against this.
;)
Didn't George Bush say they had attempted to buy significant amounts of mirrors from African Nations, with which they were planning to coat important buildings
Gamers Europe - Gaming News. Reviews.
Osama is building a Deathstar or what is the justification?
Please stop the planet so I can get off...
Ronald said nothing. He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse, and rode madly off in all directions.
Wow, President Carter, I didn't you read Slashdot!
Do you actually remember the day you started sucking satan's cock?
"fear leads to hate! hate leads to anger! anger leads to...suffering. that is the path of the dark side."
You obviously haven't seen the classified reports...
we all did - they're posted here on slashdot every friday.
#!/usr/bin/english
But if we rain death & destruction on the banks we borrowed from do we have to worry about that $1 Trillion?
As for spending money like a drunken sailor in a brothel (as I like to describe current fiscal policy), I'm more worried about debt and destruction right now that death & destruction.
Apart from that I quite like the ability to rain death & destruction at a time and place of our choosing. Guided kinetic energy rod penetrators from orbit hitting bunkers is a good thing if they're our rods.
just make fun of people who wear star trek pajamas, did you?
Kiss your karma goodbye.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
I have been wondering when the military was going to take care of that surveillance satellite operated by Major League Baseball.
[obscure]
Me too. These coat hangers just aren't working as well as they once did.
[obscure +1/2]
Someone get on the interocitor, and call Klaatu. I think we need him and Gort to pay us a visit.
I, for once, am finally glad our government is addressing this alien hegemony.
Why do you love a cowardly deserter so much?
I like Clinton for lots of reasons, mostly his curved cock. I wish I could grope women like he can without getting in trouble, guess I need to marry a power-hungry lesbian wife.
That stupid Powell, keeping Bush and Rummsfeld from developing the greatest Pentagon program ever: The Death Star. And the renaming of the Marines is also encountering some annoying gridlock... Gah! We want our Stormtroopers now!
Except, apparently, how to handle Iraq after it is conquered.
We'll wipe out all those terrorists now when we blow up their frickin planet.
-------- In Soviet Russia, "Soviet Russia" sigs hate Slashdot.
A glorious movie, very underrated and misunderstood by the critics.
Chris: I was contemplating the immortal words of Socrates who said, "I drank what?".
Chris: Kent, this is ice, this is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This is Kent,
this is what happens to people who get too sexually frustrated.
Ahhh, Osama must be peeing himself with laughter at the slow spiraling self implosion of paranoia and fear that he has brought upon the Americans.
We already put this system in place in the movie SPIES LIKE US and Chevy Chase and Dan Ackroyd showed us in great detail the disaterous effect of these weapons with out source controlled guidance. Perhaps they will find a way for us to improve upon late '80 technology, but they tried this once and the fricken laser beam missed its target.
Also in regards to huge laser beams in space. Val Kilmer showed us that putting a large laser beam in a plane to kill people would not work in the movie REAL GENIUS. People trying to profit from weapons in space will always get outsmarted by engineers with silly a sense of humor. Perhaps this foiling will result in tremendous amounts of popcorn being popped, perhaps liquify the Stay Puff Marchmallow Man, or even cook a hot dog the size of a bus.
I think they should watch some movies before they start spending billions or even trillions of dollors. I think we have gone down these roads before.
- Kill Yourself, spare us all! -
Wow! How amazingly talented the Graphic Designer was that put this together!
Now miscreants have an official vector-art image of the USAF logo, the Deputy Chief of Staff for Plans and Programs logo, and (drumroll), vector-converted signatures of both General Jumper USAF Chief of Staff, and Dr. Roche, Secretary of the Air Force.
Any manner of documents can now be forged. Someone could do something simple like faking a letter of recommendation from Dr. Roche...to...I shudder to think what could be done that would have more serious consequences.
Not that you couldn't scan these items in and recreate them, mind you, but why on earth make it that easy!
--
I'm sorry, but your opinion seems to be wrong.
Hell yeah! Fire dead penguins at em!
I know I'll receive no karma for this since it is completely original humor and not an obscure inside joke referencing BSD, HHGG, or a Kevin Smith film.
I'm not so sure I would consider this worthy news. I have been planning on taking over space for years.
"Laughable when you consider I went to a school that was 90 percent Jewish....." Which bit had been cut off?
My faith is expressed through Nihilism. Do you understand?
...we are the next Evil Empire, we are destined to rule the world, all your base is belong to us and you will all have to learn to eat at McDonald's and like it.
Wah.
Thanks for the link. I look at your data and see a nice expodential curve up to about 1945 and then a dramatic decrease. Thanks for proving my point. dumbass.
"It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance." - Thomas Sowell
We should do the same thing with terrorism in the middle east--talk to them and understand their feelings. That will make the whole world peaceful. Of course, that's what Sarah Conner should have done with the cyberborg from the future in The Terminator. Remember how Reese was saying that it has no feelings and no remorse, and that it won't stop, ever, until she's dead? Well, I don't believe that.
ROTFLMAO!
This would make a great Onion article (actually it's probably already been done), where it's the president saying this in the State of the Union Address or Colin Powell at a news conference:
NY Times: blah blah no WMD found blah blah?
Mr. Powell: I've prepared a short clip from James Cameron's The Terminator that should make our position clear...