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Dating Design Patterns
Why design patterns are needed Many will attest that the API to the WOMEN platform is somewhat obscure, contradictory and poorly documented. However, if you talk to any randomly selected groups of men, you will discover that the problems they face (whether in Pickup or Relationship states) are fundamentally the same. If there's a common set of problems, shouldn't there be a common set of solutions? Moreover, doesn't it bother you that programming geeks, who advocate code reusability and open-sourcing have not come up with reusable successful solutions for commonly occurring problems and have not documented them?
This book is the attempt to change that and unite all design patterns in a single documentation project. You can read the conversation that led to writing DDP (caution: those of you in love with Design Patterns' concept might have a hard time reading how it was all a hoax by the Gang of Four). Hopefully you will understand the danger of letting this knowledge out (hint: geeks who talk to attractive girls, date and get laid spend less time writing code, which could jeopardize some projects) and not recommend the book to everyone you know. The table of contents is available online as well (in PDF format), and you can see that the book is subdivided into two large sections - introduction and pattern catalog.
Introduction to dating design patterns In the first part, the authors introduce the concepts of design patterns with several superfluous definitions in an attempt to outdo the academic titles types on Design Patterns in number of formal references and quoted italic text. They also provide the set of anti-patterns, which can be collected by surveying poor implementations of dating patterns. For example, the Iterator anti-pattern is described as "The nag. One of the most taxing on system resources. Also an anti-pattern when used to repeatedly ask the same woman for a date." Many developers fall into fallacy of thinking anti-pattern would do the job when a pattern does not work.
The chapter on refactoring talks about all the issues that must be taken care of before implementing any of the patterns. Each refactoring unit includes sub-sections on Motivation, Mechanics and Example. The motivation part explains how this refactoring unit can help publish an attractive public interface for FEMALE platform. The mechanics part usually includes a bulleted list of what needs to be done for the implementation. The example brings us into more practical world, where we can visualize how the refactoring units "Get a makeover", "Display yourself in a new context through third parties", "Publish a more restricted interface" and "Fake a phone call from an ex-girlfriend" can help interested geek attract female companions.
Pattern Catalog
The second part is nothing more but a collection of 22 existing dating patterns. This part of the book will be even more familiar to those who read the original Design Patterns, as the headings, bulleted lists, sidebar notes and sub-chapter titles are all there. Each pattern is presented in the following format:
- Pattern name
- Problem statement (the authors acknowledge that for most of developers the problems reside in attempting to implement getLaid method successfully on FEMALE platform)
- Forces (why this pattern might lead to successful implementation)
- Solution (overview of what's required for successful implementation)
- Strategies (step-by-step guide with copious notes)
- Benefits and Drawbacks (analysis of when this design pattern makes sense and when it's not appropriate)
- Related patterns
Anyone who's ever been through UML or Design Patterns class will not have a problem with reading the pattern catalog. The pseudocode sometimes used to describe the pattern is somewhat close to Java and uses Camel notation for method calls, state and interface definitions. Luckily the book is void of any humor that design pattern writers usually try to sneak in, and is just plain formal scientific boring writing with SAT-level vocabulary that we all grew to love while reading the Gang of Four series.
The problem statements use clear language, allowing the reader to figure out whether he has the same problem (and thus should read the pattern to find out the solution) or move on to the next pattern. For example, the Jini Singles Bar pattern describes the following problem:
You're a great catch, of course, and you're looking for someone smart, funny, beautiful, who can talk about rock-climbing, Slashdot, politics and 19th century Serbo-Croatian playrights. It would also be nice if she were 24, between 5'6'' and 5'8'', of French extraction, interested in the songs of Owen Margolis, with dark long brown hair. However, you have not yet found this woman.
Conclusion The point that authors try to emphasize is that Dating Design Patterns is a collection of researched, verified, formalized and proven to work patterns. Of course, there are numerous pages of already available documentation with questionable applicability, as well as HOWTO's from open-source luminaries, but they provide neither the variety of patterns that this book has, nor the exact step-by-step implementations.
As common with design patterns, there are areas where they work perfectly and there are cases, where they are not applicable at all. The collection (full list of patterns with appropriate poster is available from the official Web site) just provides the list of accepted solutions to common problems. Perhaps reading through all 22 patterns is an onerous task and should be left to those in academic world. However, the authors assure that the benefits of successful implementation outweigh the amount of resources that need to be dedicated. Now, if you'll excuse me, that girl from Barnes and Noble with very nice public properties is getting out of the shower and her private members are even more interesting.
Tim's review: Don't buy this book. None of the ideas in it work. Absolute garbage. Haugland's "advice" will not result in flocks of appropriate-sex singles following you out of every coffee bar, bookstore or tango lesson you happen to visit. Repeat: do not buy this book.
You can search for Dating Design Patterns from bn.com, or better yet, straight from the author. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
Does anyone else find it interesting that this guy is the one giving the sex tips referenced in the article?
I mean, I was told not to judge a book by its cover but..
on a serious note, I am dating someone and she likes my geeky side. I forward her slashdot posts every week or so...it's pretty cool. yesterday we sat down and read some wikipedia together.
My father used to refer to "trolling" as going around to pick up women with your cock hanging out of your pants.
Perhaps this book should have mentioned *that* code snippet.
What problem?
Engineering is the art of compromise.
Do you want slashdot to post ANY april fool stories next year?
Yes / No / Only a digest of other AFs, a day later
Mod me up, not because I need the Karma, but to send a message. Enough is enough!
And if it's not annoying enough now, remember somebody may come across these stories in a few months. Public web content is forever (/robots.txt notwithstanding).
doesn't screw up the main page into being all italics
However, I do not think OOP is very well-suited to this sort of thing. It's bad to treat women as objects.
Also, some girls are not into the whole "Gang of Four" idea... A lot of girls demand a Singleton pattern for any courtship situation.
By AC.
1) Find a moderatly pretty woman.
2) Ask them how they are
3) Ask them if they want coffee.
4) If they say "no," start at step 1, if they say "yes," continue.
5) on the way to coffee, say the following line. "Look, Coffee and conversation is great and all, but its a pre-cursor and we both know it. Ill get right to the point and save us both the hassle. I find you incredibly attractive, moreso then any other woman around here. (hell, they are all jealous, cant you tell?) Anyways, do you just want to go to a hotel or somethnig?
6) Majority will either say "no," "fuckoff," or the equivalent thereof. A few will say "yes."
7) if they say "yes," begin humping. if they say "no," start at step 1.
Repeat 1000 times.
> god
Dating god mode on.
> impulse 101
*BOW CHICKA BOW WOW*
Yep... the ISBN number of 0974312002 checks out...
Amazon.com
Barnes & Noble (They recongize the number, but don't have it.)
CafePress.com
NerdBooks.com
Singleton... definately the Singleton pattern.
Let me tell you that the IBM developerWorks Best Practices RedBook is definitely the publication you'll need.
Design patterns are great for high level architecure but when you need to get down to the nitty-gritty low level stuff it's best if you have the counsel of the experts.
...the editors of Slashdot were seen beating a dead horse at a local Michigan farm.
'Boy, I sure wish there was an easier way to pick up women, like published API with code samples?'
Published API with code samples might be easy, but is it fun? A true geek will always go for utter randomness, complete unpredictability and total bafflement - how else will he be a geek?
http://efil.blogspot.com/
And if released under the GPL, are they GNUd/Women?
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
How NOT to tell a joke:
Step 1. Make it really really long.
Step 2. Put the punchline in the beginning.
Operator, give me the number for 911!
Finally a woman who agrees with me! HEAD FIRST, movie and a dinner later. :P
It was a complete waste of the time required to write it and the paper required to print it. 'Cause I *know* the problem doesn't reside with *me*.
What's needed is a dating design pattern book for women about the GEEK platform. A book like that would detail the many benefits of GEEK, and also suggest where one would go to meet and mate with a GEEK.
Once a book like that is written, opening the eyes of females everywhere, this "dating" issue will be resolved.
Now, I have to get back to writing Linux device drivers for my TRS-80.
---anactofgod---
BTW, I don't want any backlash from so-called "female geeks" on the limited scope of my suggested book. I *know* it's April's Fools, so don't try to convince me that you exist on this, of all, days.
---anactofgod---
"Equal opportunity swindling - *that* is the true test of a sustainable democracy."
Actually, I read the article's title, and thought:
.. or something like that.
"Hmm, a book describing how to efficiently timestamp the version log of your design"
The path I walk alone is endlessly long.
30 minutes by bike, 15 by bus.
1) Take care of your appearance, which means go to the gym and make sure that even if you have a gut, that it's at least obvious that you're someone who cares about your health and appearance. People are naturally wary of dating those who don't appear to take any pride in their appearance and health.
2) Don't assume that having a vagina means having no brain. Just because most girls are breeding stock, doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of girls who aren't. Some of the ones that seem to be breeding stock may in fact have a lot of intelligence and you can bring it out of them. Been there, done that.
3) Broaden your horizons. Get away from the computer and learn something that you find to be fun and that is accessible to girls who aren't computer geeks. I picked up bass and guitar for fun and found that a lot of college girls will at least give you a shot if you're good. Personally I don't care much, since my gf can beat me on guitar and hold her own on bass.
4) Don't jump right into a relationship. If you have a chance to have a casual sexual relationship with a girl, that's helpful for when you're ready to settle down. Experience is something most guys really need.
and...
5) Look for someone who is your equal, but not in your area of expertise. You don't want to risk a game of one upmanship. I'm wary of dating girls in my major (C.S.) for that reason. My current girlfriend is a musician.
Click here or a puppy gets stomped!
It will be very clear soon that the Dating Design Patterns will become "Antipatterns."
The following algorithm would suffice in any situation:
Step 1 - Shower
Step 2 - Approach female
Step 3 - Do not talk about computers/programming/design patters/Java/OO
Step 4 - Say "Hi, what's your name?"
Step 5 - If rejected GOTO Step 2, BUT first check if Step 1 happened between 24 hours. If this is the case, GOTO Step 1.
Do not forget Step 1 - This is a must for females, I've heard...Follow this algorithm, and you'll be surprised at the results...
Esta es una firma en Espanol.
You call it at the command prompt as either:
$ man woman
man: insufficent privleges
or
# man woman
Oooh, I love a man with power, who knows how to use it.
Nah, doesn't work for me either.....
You never know...
Funny that Dungeons and Dragons was mentioned, because I met my first girlfriend playing AD&D. (We were both late-teens at the time.)
Methinks it is the person, not the activity, that needs to be examined...
$> man woman
Segmentation fault (core dumped)
While thinking philosophically, we see problems in places where there are none. -Wittgenstein
GO FOR THE UGLY CHICKS ! Theyre horny, youre guarenteed to score and all you have to is cover their head with a bag.
When I was 12, my uncle came over to visit. Now my parents were bikers. (I'm not kidding, but to this day, my mother says, "no, no, no, it was a motorcycle club!") But by this time, my mother had grown out of being a biker. But my uncle was still this rough biker guy. So back to the story. So I was 12 and complaining about how I wanted to date this one girl who was very attractive, but she wasn't interested. But there was this other girl that wanted to date me who was not very attractive at all. So after complaining about this to my mother in the presence of my uncle, he inserted a few words of wisdom, "Well you know brian, even ugly girls have pussies." My mother was a little upset.
Disconnect your television. Do your own research. Draw your own conclusions. They're probably lying. Don't be a sheep.
> Ok, this is just gettin out of hand....
Of course it is... Thats the whole point of point a dating story on slashdot.
Norman Cook's Ode to Sl
Your uncle is a wise man.
Hey and sometimes those ugly chichs get better looking with age. When I was 16 or so this chick wanted to screw me BAD, she wouldnt leave me alone, She was friends with some of my friends but I couldnt stand her. Never did tag her, but as time went on she got alot better looking then well turned pro One of those old friends recently sent me this, I about dies I still dont think shes good looking but lemme tell you shes a HELL of a lot better looking than she was.
Wow, that's an elaborate 1st April joke. Both a website and in the database at Amazon, B&N, etc!
Karma: Excellent (My Karma? I wish...:-( )
How many times, when playing Dungeons and Dragons by yourself... I dunno...I'm a big D&D fan, to be sure, and I like playing Dungeons and Dragons. But...by myself? Are you serious? Is it even possible to play D&D by yourself, barring playing a D&D based computer game which doesn't really count? If so, how? I'd be interested to know. It'd give me a lot (okay, one) more option on what to do on a Saturday night. And one is still a lot--it'd be a one hundred percent increase over my options otherwise.
...whining about how no women want you because you're a geek does.
To all you whiners, if you want to get laid, I highly recommend getting over yourselves already.
Just trying to help. Flame away.
tokengeekgrrl
I have no problem picking up women, in fact, I have to beat them off with a stick. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am gay?
Whoa there, partner, warn us about those links! Maybe if your writing was better we could figure out that you're linking to her "pro" pictures!
We lived together for 4 years. She steadily turned to the geekside. Now she's moving out and taking my Xbox and ST:NG collection with her!
Dialectician. Archology.
I am very suspicious that your comment is knee-jerk based on thinking of people who annoy you, and not actually going to be very helpful.. how many geeks, who whine about women not wanting them, would you want if they _just_ stopped whining about that? I think that this is rarely, if ever, the primary factor that drives women away--more likely it's just one that you mentioned because it annoys you.. not because you thought it through and decided it's actually the primary factor that made you feel a lack of attraction to any guys. (Aggravated by them, sure--but deciding "I would really be attracted to them if it weren't for the whining", I think is extremely rare.)
It surely gets on my nerves when girls whine about how ugly and unlikeable they are, just as it gets on your nerves when guys whine about being undesirable because they're geeks. However I can think of very few women (off the top of my head, only one) where this is actually her worst feature, and where other than the insecurity and whining, she isn't that bad (she's bright and very cute, for what those are worth). Most women I know who whine like that, have many other unattractive features which would continue to drive men away in the absence of their whining. Yeah, I'd feel less irritated if they stopped, so it'd make ME happier, but it wouldn't honestly do a hell of a lot for their chances of finding a mate. And from years of observation of insecure people and how they're responded to by others around them, I suspect it's similar with the guys you're thinking of. They aren't wrong in saying that women don't like them because they're a geek--you just get aggravated by the whining, like almost everyone does, and want them to shut up.
So yeah, if you whine about that kind of stuff, stop whining for the sake of everyone else's nerves.. or at least find a limited forum to restrict it to (e.g. geek communities), rather than broadcasting it without constraints to the entire world. But if anyone tells you the whining is the main reason you're not getting dates.. in my experience (where I saw people saying this to other people, so could be at least somewhat objective about interpreting it), they're usually telling you a line of BS because they're aggravated by the whining and just want you to shut up.
And being a geek, specifically, turns off a LOT of women, all the more so if you have traits of Asperger's, which are common in geeks and more or less defined as difficulty in communicating and relating to people on emotional levels. As far as I've seen from girls, throughout adolesence and into college age, geekisms turn off the majority of women, unless you have a glowing personality to make up for it, although there is a significant minority of women who don't mind so much, which I think grows quickly (the size of that minority) as women age through their 20s and beyond.
But i'm not so desperate i'd want to date design patterns.