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Silly Product Instructions?
canfirman asks: "Not exactly a serious question, but maybe good for a laugh: Our company is bringing in new printers into the office, and I noticed that the on-screen instructions state, 'Do not pull pages until after the printer has finished its job'. I thought this would be a redundant instruction (kinda like, 'Don't run with scissors'), but it got me thinking - what are some of the dumbest instructions you have ever seen on a piece of software, hardware, or appliance?"
OH! Look!
*grabs plastic bag*
Look this is fun!
hrmm... what does this say?
Not a toy!
*falls over due to lack of oxygen*
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Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
It's a sticker with a picture of a hand putting a cup in the CD-ROM tray. Warning: Not intended as cup holder.
"Don't run with scissors" is not an example of redundant instructions.
"Don't run with scissors while running", on the other hand, is.
When you open a new iPod, it has a sticker that says "Don't Steal Music."
Some interesting prescription instructions:
Inhale 1 tablet vaginally at bedtime"
And an interesting warning on a kids toy:
It can be happy and gay not good hearing if product is with mark"
One time I was borrowing a neighbor's summer home, and the guy plastered the whole place with postit notes -- one the fridge he had one that said "Put food in me," on his kids' piggy banks he wrote "Please don't steal from me" and on the damn ice tray he even double layered them -- on the top it said "Fill me" and below it said "With water." Man that got old.
"He actually wrote diddly!"
"Not to be used for the other use."
(On a package of nuts) "May contain nuts."
(Butcher knife)"Keep out of children."
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
HSJ$$*&#^!#+++ATH0
NO CARRIER
(in troubleshooting section)
Problem: Sparks fly from commutator
Cause: Groceries in commutator.
Solution: Remove groceries from commutator.
Spray paint can: "Do not spray in eyes."
Cotton Balls: "Do not insert in rectum"
Aluminum foil box: "Do not microwave"
FIRE EXTINGUISHER
On the back, oddly enough, were the following words:
Do not use near heat or open flame
This sig no verb.
"For best results, please remove cap."
Really? I was just going to bang it on the table until it exploded, then lick all the 'cheese' up!
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing.
My favourite is still those little preservative packets that come in shoes labelled "DO NOT EAT". I wonder if I would have a case if I choked scarfing down the laces.
"I thought it was candy"
Over a decade ago, there used to be a brand of skateboarding apparrel made by World Industries called Ghetto Wear. I didn't notice till some years later after buying a pair of their pants about the washing instructions printed on the tag.
1) Pile dirty clothes on floor
2) When you run out of clean clothes, gather them up and ask your Mom how to use the washer
3) When she says she'll do it so you don't break her washer and ruin your clothes, come back in an hour and they'll be done.
I also had a FUCT jacket that's washing instructions were:
Washing Instructions: Steal this garment.
I like that kind of thing, making the blatently obvious and unnessary become fun.
My friend had a candle sitting on the table at his house a few years ago that had a sticker on the bottom which read, and I shit you not, "To extinguish, blow out."
Need Free Juniper/NetScreen Support? JuniperForum
Does some great stuff with their lables. I have one of their t-shirts which includes "wash cold, dry low, use no bleach or chemical weapons, question authority" and "100% cotton mouth, made in the united states of the eu."
Cue The Sun...
Non-Linux Penguins ?
do not reuse....
its on every condom....
--meh--
has killed several programmers, is /. sigs are to be beleived.
However a personal favourite of mine is on an old can of chocolate drink powder, the recipe for making it up includes the follwing instruction:
Add 2 heaped tablesppons of milk.
A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
Do not expose Apple Laserwriter to open flame.
=Brian
There is nothing so good that someone, somewhere, will not hate it.
Not realy an instruction but a lot of OEM microsoft products used to have a seal over the CD box which needed to be broken to open the case, the seal said somthing along the lines of 'breaking this seal shows that you have agreed to the licencing conditions contained within' Also unplug your keyboard and see what the message says. Odds are it says no keyboard or keyboard error, press f1 to continue.
1) They actually print blow job instructions nowadays?
2) Tooth space? Sounds like someone's girlfriend needs braces.
3) ???
4) Profit!
(Sorry, couldn't resist.)
--
vi ~/.emacs
vi ~/.emacs
I always read that as:
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Dumbest warnings I ever saw were on a laptop's power supply:
And no, I'm not making this up.Of course, there's no word on whether the lead in the power cord is transmuted to gold when I cross the border into Nevada, or whether or not residents of other states need to wash their hands after plugging things in or not.
(The background is that a bunch of twits fell for the junk science on PVC softened with lead phthalates. Consider that if studies on intravenous bags with the stuff are questionable, it's Not Bloody Likely that failing to wash your hands after you plug in your laptop is going to kill you. But since when did science matter to the granola-crunchin' hypesters of the People's Republic of California? It's to protect the chilllllldren and the enviiiiiiirunmennnnnt!
At the grocery store I recently found a package of Taramisiu and it said DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN, on the bottom (bit late isn't it?).
"Do not taunt happy-fun ball."
Words to live by, kids.