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Silly Product Instructions?
canfirman asks: "Not exactly a serious question, but maybe good for a laugh: Our company is bringing in new printers into the office, and I noticed that the on-screen instructions state, 'Do not pull pages until after the printer has finished its job'. I thought this would be a redundant instruction (kinda like, 'Don't run with scissors'), but it got me thinking - what are some of the dumbest instructions you have ever seen on a piece of software, hardware, or appliance?"
OH! Look!
*grabs plastic bag*
Look this is fun!
hrmm... what does this say?
Not a toy!
*falls over due to lack of oxygen*
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Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
It's a sticker with a picture of a hand putting a cup in the CD-ROM tray. Warning: Not intended as cup holder.
I see people ripping the pages out of laser printers before the printer has pushed it all the way out. Probly does them no end of damage but since the page is already completely pritned by the point the person has enough grip on the page to pull it all out people keep doing it :-(
Slashdot - The one stop shop for procrastination
"Don't run with scissors" is not an example of redundant instructions.
"Don't run with scissors while running", on the other hand, is.
"By clicking 'I Agree' below, you agree to the following terms..."
Seriously, does anyone read the full text of EULAs? They're a complete joke. I've heard there's a website that has a whole bunch of strange EULAs on display..
When you open a new iPod, it has a sticker that says "Don't Steal Music."
We have one of these types of printers (HP LJ 4600DN) in my classroom, and when the kids pull pages of duplex jobs early (before they actually get spit into the finished tray), then Bad Things Happen(tm).
"Sometimes the only thing left to say is 'Oops'" -- debbers
Some interesting prescription instructions:
Inhale 1 tablet vaginally at bedtime"
And an interesting warning on a kids toy:
It can be happy and gay not good hearing if product is with mark"
One time I was borrowing a neighbor's summer home, and the guy plastered the whole place with postit notes -- one the fridge he had one that said "Put food in me," on his kids' piggy banks he wrote "Please don't steal from me" and on the damn ice tray he even double layered them -- on the top it said "Fill me" and below it said "With water." Man that got old.
"He actually wrote diddly!"
"Not to be used for the other use."
(On a package of nuts) "May contain nuts."
(Butcher knife)"Keep out of children."
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
HSJ$$*&#^!#+++ATH0
NO CARRIER
(in troubleshooting section)
Problem: Sparks fly from commutator
Cause: Groceries in commutator.
Solution: Remove groceries from commutator.
Spray paint can: "Do not spray in eyes."
Cotton Balls: "Do not insert in rectum"
Aluminum foil box: "Do not microwave"
FIRE EXTINGUISHER
On the back, oddly enough, were the following words:
Do not use near heat or open flame
This sig no verb.
"For best results, please remove cap."
Really? I was just going to bang it on the table until it exploded, then lick all the 'cheese' up!
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing.
My favourite is still those little preservative packets that come in shoes labelled "DO NOT EAT". I wonder if I would have a case if I choked scarfing down the laces.
"I thought it was candy"
Over a decade ago, there used to be a brand of skateboarding apparrel made by World Industries called Ghetto Wear. I didn't notice till some years later after buying a pair of their pants about the washing instructions printed on the tag.
1) Pile dirty clothes on floor
2) When you run out of clean clothes, gather them up and ask your Mom how to use the washer
3) When she says she'll do it so you don't break her washer and ruin your clothes, come back in an hour and they'll be done.
I also had a FUCT jacket that's washing instructions were:
Washing Instructions: Steal this garment.
I like that kind of thing, making the blatently obvious and unnessary become fun.
My friend had a candle sitting on the table at his house a few years ago that had a sticker on the bottom which read, and I shit you not, "To extinguish, blow out."
Need Free Juniper/NetScreen Support? JuniperForum
Does some great stuff with their lables. I have one of their t-shirts which includes "wash cold, dry low, use no bleach or chemical weapons, question authority" and "100% cotton mouth, made in the united states of the eu."
Cue The Sun...
Non-Linux Penguins ?
do not reuse....
its on every condom....
--meh--
has killed several programmers, is /. sigs are to be beleived.
However a personal favourite of mine is on an old can of chocolate drink powder, the recipe for making it up includes the follwing instruction:
Add 2 heaped tablesppons of milk.
A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
Do not expose Apple Laserwriter to open flame.
=Brian
There is nothing so good that someone, somewhere, will not hate it.
Not realy an instruction but a lot of OEM microsoft products used to have a seal over the CD box which needed to be broken to open the case, the seal said somthing along the lines of 'breaking this seal shows that you have agreed to the licencing conditions contained within' Also unplug your keyboard and see what the message says. Odds are it says no keyboard or keyboard error, press f1 to continue.
1) They actually print blow job instructions nowadays?
2) Tooth space? Sounds like someone's girlfriend needs braces.
3) ???
4) Profit!
(Sorry, couldn't resist.)
--
vi ~/.emacs
vi ~/.emacs
I always read that as:
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Dumbest warnings I ever saw were on a laptop's power supply:
And no, I'm not making this up.Of course, there's no word on whether the lead in the power cord is transmuted to gold when I cross the border into Nevada, or whether or not residents of other states need to wash their hands after plugging things in or not.
(The background is that a bunch of twits fell for the junk science on PVC softened with lead phthalates. Consider that if studies on intravenous bags with the stuff are questionable, it's Not Bloody Likely that failing to wash your hands after you plug in your laptop is going to kill you. But since when did science matter to the granola-crunchin' hypesters of the People's Republic of California? It's to protect the chilllllldren and the enviiiiiiirunmennnnnt!
At the grocery store I recently found a package of Taramisiu and it said DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN, on the bottom (bit late isn't it?).
On a hair blow dryer. A little research found that a company was sued when a guy used his hair dryer to keep himself warm by turning it on and throwing it in his blankets. He fell asleep and became crispy after the fire that started. Amazing, the moron won.
I say warnings like this should be omitted on purpose so that people without this common sense are weeded out of the gene pool.
"Do not taunt happy-fun ball."
Words to live by, kids.
It's still not stealing.
And copying entire songs is only illegal if the applicable laws say so.
I'm not sure how things are in the Land of the Free and the Home of the DMCA, but in my country it's not illegal if you copy it for private or domestic use. In NZ they're thinking of making it legal if you're copying it for your own use, amidst protests by the corporates.
"It's taking away people's rights to earn a living, and that's horrendous," Sony NZ managing director Michael Glading is quoted as saying.
Let's cut the BS: If I make a copy the owners of the original copy still have FULL ACCESS to the original. So it's unlike stealing which deprives the owners of access.
In contrast: The corporates have lobbyed (successfully in many countries) to remove and reduce the public's access to copyrighted material AND copyrighted material that would have entered PUBLIC DOMAIN.
Now you tell me who are the real thieves? Who are the real thieves?
Don't be deceived by the lies - the brainwashing and bullshit terms like "Intellectual Property" and "Piracy".