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Swedish Carbon-Fiber Stealth Ship Runs NT
tiled_rainbows writes "The Guardian has an article today about the Swedish navy's new stealth warship, which they claim is the largest carbon-fiber vessel ever built. Slashdotters will be interested to learn that the ship runs Windows NT. The article says 'While the point-and-click system is popular with conscripts, the ship was fitted with a wooden ship's wheel at the insistence of senior officers. If Windows goes down, they will still be able to steer.' Which raises the question: where can I get a USB-compatible wooden ship's wheel for my computer?"
US Navy develops new Sasser Torpedo to protect us from Swedish terrorists. Bush feels they are hiding WMD's. Swedish Chef is quoted as saying "We no heeden dur Weaponden den Massen destructnueden. bork! bork! bork!".
Where can I get a USB-compatible wooden ship's wheel for my computer
I doubt it's USB since NT4 doesn't support USB.. :P Probably PS2 or a Serial connector :)
Simon
If not, they should really work on their compatibility.
...
THe bluescreen sunk my battleship!
All sailors do all day is participate in a giant bog hog
Not very stealthy.. all those loud bleeps every time they reboot each hour.
This gives me a great idea for a movie: "Speed 3: Dead in the water".
I think you'll find that the next M$ version of the wooden ship steering wheel will actually require FireWire bandwidth to run...
The stealth effect is kind of ruined, however, when this Swedish ship tries to sneak through the fog at night, but the cook is happily cooking tomorrow's pastries exclaiming "Bork Bork Bork!", which echoes over the waves.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
Who knew--a ship that could crash twice.
that the ship runs Windows NT
And really bad eggs.
<insert witty linux comment here>
We require 20 million dollars or we will sink a series of oil ships .....
Steal This Sig
You're old school? I beta tested the motherf***ing abacus!
How about USB-controlled torpedo/missile tubes?
That'll _really_ make a WinNuke.
Striking fear in the authors of godawful fanfiction, I am here, appearing in darkness, Tuxedo Jack!
"Captain, everything is in order; the heads-up display shows nothing but blue seas ahead."
Clippy: It looks like you're trying to kill someone. Are you aware of the Geneva convention? Capt'n: Duh! Bork Bork !@#! Bork Americans !?
"There is no teacher but the enemy."-Mazer Rackham
Next up, homemade bridge for seafaring game, complete with a computer controlled salt water sprayer. I can't wait.......
And if you thought that was boring you obviously havn't read my Journal ;-)
The first thing I'd do is wipe it and install Linux.
I'm in the hole of the broadband donut.
Nope, it'll be bluetooth. Which means it won't work, and people will be able to steal its address book entries... ;-)
"Ah'm sorry, Cap'n, for some reason the ship's wheel has paired itself with my mobile phone instead of the ship."
PocketGamer.org - For the gamer on the go!
Just look for the ship running in circles in the middle of the North Sea. "Ensign Chef, I said CTRL-ALT-DELETE, now!" "Bork bork bork!"
You missed the other definition: A $60,000 fiberglass and aluminium penis extension that gets 8 miles to the gallon.
Shortly after they installed nt, all the rats on the ship disappeared.
The difference between Canada and the USA is that in Canada healthcare is a right and gun ownership is a privilege.
Stealth ship, my ass. I'll believe it when I see it.
Oh, wait...
Wenn ist das Nunstueck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
Excuse my lack of Nautical Terms, but you get the idea.
Navigator: Captain, radar is picking up an iceberg 2 Nautical miles ahead, just off the port bow.
Captain: No problem, that's plenty of time to steer clear.
Captain clicks the navigation display on NT
Clippy: It seems you are trying to steer, what would you like to do?
Navigator: Captain, Icberg 1 mile ahead
Captain: (showing frustration) clicks Steer Starboard
Captain: This should handle it!
Clippy: How many degrees starboard would you liek to steer?
Captain uttering swedish curse words, clicks 10 degrees
Navigator Captain, Iceberg at 400 meters
Clippy: You clicked Turn Starboard and 15 degrees, it seems you are trying to evade an Iceberg. Windows NE (Nautical Edition) has several new features, just for this.
Clippy: Would you like to enable the "Evade Iceburg" Wizard?
Captain: $^@#$#%*, runs up to the wooden ships wheel
Captain: See, this is why the tried and true method works! turns the wheel
Windows NE has detected a new device and is unable to find a driver for it.
Captain: Aha! my son warned me about this, I have the driver right here!
Windows NE: Windows NE has finished installing drivers for the device "Ships Wheel", in order to use this device you must restart windows. Click here to restart, or if you wish to restart later click cancel.
Sharks: Break out the hotsauce fellas, here comes dinner
The problem with stealth ships on the sea is that they leave a blank spot on the radar where there should be echos for the waves.
More than enough BS
Captain: Fire control, engage hostile target 1004 range 2000 yds with 5 inch main battery.
Fire Control: Sir, unable to engage target 1004 the system has encountered a VB runtime error 91 object variable not set.
Captain: Engine room ahead all full make turns for
30 knots.
Engine Room: Sir we keep getting a RPC failure in the gas turbine controller.
Captain: All hands abandon ship!
Got Code?
During combat it becomes necessary to increase your rate of fire to ensure the destruction of enemy vessels. Microsoft does not endorse the use of this software on fishing boats, pleasure craft, or walruses.
From the Control Panel select "Forward Cannon." Right click on the cannon and select "Properties." From the "Firing Rate" tab make sure the "Fire at will" option, and click the apply button. If the ship does not begin firing type "Regedit" at the command prompt. Under "HKEY_CLASSES_LOCAL_MACHINE" search for "Fire Control" and make sure the is a "Fire Control" entry in the registry. If necessary, load the Forward Cannon 1.3 install CD and double click the fcannon.reg file.
Once the cannon is installed, you may choose to test-fire a round. You will be prompted with a dialog asking if the target was hit. Clicking on No will take you to a web page with possible reasons (non of which will actually apply) as to why the target was missed. Some targets are not compatible with Windows and cannot be hit with the forward Gun.
Leave the gun, take the cannoli -- Clemenza, The Godfather
From the article:
And if it is detected, the Visby should be quick enough to escape as it is only half as light as a conventional corvette.
In other words, its great weight makes it _more_ likely to avoid attacks -- perhaps by escaping downhill.
Whence? Hence. Whither? Thither.
It might be the one pointed out by the Guinness book cited in the article, hence the various James Bond jokes as well as the Taiwan interest ; indeed, the french stealth frigate appears at the beginning of the last (or before-last) 007 movie, and it was sold to Taiwan by Thomoson , giving rise to a huge financial crisis. The frigate is however not made of carbon.
I hope the frigate has a lower radar signature than a 1970s Volvo...
Google passes Turing test : see my journal
since they know NT will crash, they have already planned ahead. good job. now, send us your bikini team.
My problem? I was perfectly gruntled, until some numbnuts came by and dissed me.
does it have minesweeper?
It's a mine sweeper. I'm sure there's a joke here somewhere..
I know I'm going to karma hell for this joke, but....
In Soviet Russia(socialist Sweden?), Minesweeper runs Windows!
-1, "1337" speak
Hi, I noticed you're attempting to open fire. Would you like to:
A: Declare war!
B: Send a bouquet of flowers?
C: Trigger the ship's self destruct?
D: Open the e-mail attachment titled "HotPix.pif"?
Just because you can mod me down, doesn't mean you're right. Shoes for industry!
Military use of Windows NT will likely bring new meaning to the old phrase "blue screen of death".
-I like my women like I like my tea: green-
Here's a signature that I used for a while for this very ship:
In days long gone, the captain used to go down with his ship. Now that Windows NT is running Navy warships, the ships go down all by themselves.
"I never get lost because everybody tells me where to go"
Voilà!
Here we go again!
I hope it works better than that single dial thingy that BMW has.
"I said thirty degrees port, not turn on the music!"
If you really want to keep people away from it, run NT 3.51.
Stealth is a waste of money for the Swedish Navy anyhow; it seems this ship's mission, like all other seagoing Swedish vessels, is to sail back and forth between Stockholm and Helsinki in order to give Swedish people a place to buy cheaper booze than System Bolaget.
-Isaac
I am not a lawyer, and this is not legal advice. For Entertainment Purposes Only.
It should be fine, as long as the memory stays good.
Just imagine a group of very nervous looking sailors waiting while one of them is mixing up a large batch of 5-minute epoxy.
Vote in November. You won't regret it.
how is it possible for something that broadcasts NBT all of the place to be considered "stealth"? :P
~/ssh slashdot.org ssh: connect to host slashdot.org port 22: too many beers
....if this ever becomes a remotely controlled "spam zombie".
MS: Microsoft Technical Support, how may I help you?
Navy: This is the USS Ronald Reagan, we've had a critical malfunction in our navigation systems. It says something about "0X0000A000AB" or something... we need help!
MS: OK, we'll need a PO or credit card to charge the call to.
Navy: Umm. It's after hours and there's nobody who can cut a PO?
MS: Can you use a credit card?
Navy: Mine are maxed out, and the OOD just finished filing for banruptcy after a nasty divorce, so his credit is screwed.
MS: Thanks for calling Microsoft, have a good day! [click]
Take the British and German fleets from the battle of Jutland... Put them on one side. Take the HMS Ark Royal... Put that on the other side. Which side wins?
They both lose, as they take on massive amounts of water from being on their sides.
someone woke up with their mullet in a twist this morning...
Dear Sweden,
After a lot of careful consideration, we, the people of the United States of America have decided to propose a collaboration of sorts.
For every swedish woman we are sent in good health and of legal age we will send one well-trained High School computer dork to assist with your new warfare projects. Our computer nerds are by far the most experienced in dealing with BSODs and downloading new drivers for your ships. They are also content with being paid in meatballs, as it is rumored that yours are of top quality. Send all inquiries as to where to send women to Wasuremon0.
We look forward to making the world a better place with you,
-The USA
i gotta find the ip to this thing. wonder if they have AV installed or if i could slip BO2K or netbus in. that would be 1 hell of a remote control boat.
It doesn't? I'm running Windows NT v5.1.2600 and it supports my USB devices fine, as does Windows NT v5.0. I've never used a machine running Windows NT v4 or lower, so I do not know anything about its USB support.
Centralization breaks the internet.
with Windows NT's swap file usage.
... or do they just use it in safe mode all the time?
And another thing, does that mean they now require admin rights to access advanced features of the ship
m.mmm..myyy