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"Buffalo Spammer" Gets 3.5 to 7 Years
jfruhlinger writes "Howard Carmak, aka the 'Buffalo spammer,' has been sentenced to jail time for his spamming activities. Interestingly, the conviction was not for spamming per se, but rather stealing someone's identity, which he then used to launch his spam messages."
It serves him right for stealing identities. I am still in counseling for getting that email from my grandma telling me to enlarge my penis.
Evolution or ID?
He also announced he planned to spam his appeal to every court in the country.
..."enlarge your ... today", 'cause he's not gonna like it.
Here's hoping that his cellmate took a steady supply of penis enlargement pills and herbal viagra.
Shouldn't they have executed him like they do virus writers?
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Why don't we just inplant a chip in spammers heads that shock them every time they try to use modern technology? Microwave a TV dinner? shock. Send an email? shock. Try to hijack my computer to send out spam? shock. I think there is a sci-bi book (or twelve) with that premise.
Anytime, anywhere, when a spammer gets jail time, a death sentence, raped, shot, stabbed, beaten, pursued by goblins, eaten by robot men or robot dogs, burned, molested by snakes, bitten by wolves, dipped in acid, exsanguinated, trampled by cattle, or lost at sea...
I would think he should get longer... I mean.. if for nothing else, just for principle!
There was all kinds of mean, nasty and ugly-lookin' people on the bench there
--there was mother rapers--father-stabbers, father-rapers! FATHER-RAPERS
Sittin' right there on the bench next to me!
And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible and crime fightin' guys were
Sittin' there on the bench, and the meaniest, ugliest, nastiest one--the
Meanest father-raper of them all--was comin' over to me.
And he was mean and nasty and horrible and all kinds of things, and he sat
Down next to me. He said, "Kid, what'd you get?"
I said, "I didn't get nothin'. I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the
Garbage." He said, "What were you arrested FOR, kid?" and I said,
"Litterin'."
And they all moved away from me on the bench there, with the hairy eyeball and
All kinds of mean, nasty things, till I said, "And sending hundreds of thousands of unwanted email message...."
And they all came back, shook my hand and we had a great time on the bench
Talkin' about crime, mother-stabbin', father-rapin', --all kinds of groovy
Things that we was talkin' about on the bench, and everything was fine.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos
Carmak, in his jail cell for the first night of his long sentence, with "Tyree," or "Bubba," or whoever; specifics are not important, just that the individual is large, mean, and notoriously maladjusted. It is now lights-out, and quiet falls over the prison.
As Carmak cowers under the covers of the lower bunk...
"I bet you don't want ME to have a bigger penis now, do you, boy?"
For your security, this post has been encrypted with ROT-13, twice.
Meanwhile in Jail, inmates have added him to their "My new Bitch" list. Carmak has complained repeatedly that their unsubscribe feature is both inhumane and doesn't work, which has led to arthritis in his right hand.
...like getting the mob with tax fraud, right?
including charges that he stole the identity of two Buffalo-area residents, which he then used to send out more than 800 million spam messages
Who would've thought there were two Buffalo-area residents with the names "Big R. Schlong" and "Haute Yung Bebes"
Is he serving time in the Heisenberg Uncertainty Corrections Center?
If you post it, they will read.
...his cellmates introduce the "Buffalo Spammer" to the "Cleveland Steamer".
Hope he likes his call mate's "spam" in the ass.
Bend over spam bitch.
Remember this the next time someone tells you MySQL is a stable database system.
A nerdy overweight white guy in his thirties going to the can? He should tatoo tits on his back now and get it over with.
-B
Why, yes.
People say I'm crazy, I got diamonds on the soles of my shoes...
Think of it as a deterrent. "Not only are murder, theft, and rape wrong, but if you're caught, you might have to share a cell with a spammer!"
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>7 years is the maximum for identity theft? That actually seems a little light.
How about seven years and the victims get to pick his cellmate?Some mornings it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed.
Just commit massive credit card fraud! Your cellmate will do the rest. :)
+5:offtopic,but anti-American
IMHO, castration (the old fashioned kind) would serve as a much better detterent than life in prison. "Life in prison" probably sounds pretty vague to some junkie or sloping-brow thug, but threaten to cut off their plumbing...
I just put in "Howard Carmack"
And it came up with this...
"Ass Cunt"
It's all over for him...
That's funny....
Judge: "I hereby sentence you to no credit. From now on you can only use cash."
Criminal: "But judge, I already have no credit except for yours and I can steal somethin' if I want cash."
--
As a matter of fact, I am a lawyer. But I play an actor on TV.
His only human contact should be via electronic messages with each message sent to him being among 10,000 unfiltered spam messages. Let him waste his life sorting through messages just as he's done to so many others.
>
> Hmmm.
"Hmmm", indeed.
How the fuck would a prosecutor find a jury that would convict?
Are you people seriously telling me, that a suitable punishment for spamming is being fucked up the arse?
He can always tell his cellmate that he wants to "opt out".
The price of freedom is eternal litigation.
Now he can get some hands-on experience helping men enlarge their penises.