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Living Without a Pulse
SteamyMobile writes "Can you live without a pulse? Yes, now you can. The reason why we have a pulse is because it's hard for evolution to result in turbines or continuously spinning things. The next generation of artificial hearts may have no pulse. They also have no bearings, so they should last much longer than previous attempts. In fact, engineers don't give a predicted lifespan on these models. How would your life be different without a pulse?"
How would your life be different without a pulse?
I would have had much more in common with my ex-wife.
Trolling is a art,
FTA: "The pump also has a curious side effect: people implanted with the device have no pulse."
/dies
They had better put an obvious port on it so paramedics know it's there before sending voltage through.
I can see the first really drunk guy with one of these taking a nap on the beach:
"ZZzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzZZ"
"Sir!"
"Oh my GOD! He's Dead, Jim!!!"
"He's got no pulse! Call an ambulance!"
(ambulance arrives, 10min later)
"This man has no pulse! I've been giving him CPR since I called you guys and I can't get a signal!"
"CLEAR!!!!!!!!!!!" "ZZZZAPP!!!!"
The dangers of knowledge trigger emotional distress in human beings.
I couldn't listen to pulse pumping techno, that is for sure, though that is probably not a bad thing....
We can't be sure what the pulse controls, plus I would like to be able to tell if I'm still alive.
... at the Doctors office without being able to take our pulse while they stall until there is a doctor available to see us?
I wonder how many goth vampire wannabes will elect to have these implanted, just to improve their authenticity?
Will this artificial heart have an automatic flow regulator, or will there be a nob on the pacemaker allowing the recipient to regulate the flow?
Basically, the body needs to pump varying amounts of oxygen through the body at different times (i.e. running) and would need some method of varying the flow rate.
Or would they perhaps replace one of the patient's nipples with a regulator dial?
You may treat all information submitted above as wild speculation.
Then I'd not only lack rhythm, I'd have no beat, either!
Semi-seriously, though, would this eliminate the possibility of things, uh, throbbing?
Ceci n'est pas un post.
With no pulse, I'd be afraid to take a nap in the park. "God damn it! I'm in the morgue again!"
What would be worse though...I imagine most of the people getting these will be rather up in years. And, as old people and dads do, they will inevitably fall asleep in front of the TV.
The first 6 or 7 times they do this, their family will think they're dead and will start going through his pockets. But then it becomes a "boy who cried wolf" scenario, and they think he's just sleeping when he's actually dead. Next thing you know, ol' grandpa has funked up the Lazy Boy, and they have to take him out in a bucket.
- First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then ???, then profit.
He has no pulse sir.
He's the undead! SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!!!!!!
"Must have a pulse" is no longer a requirement. :-)
dinner: it's what's for beer
Too bad this came in too late for Slashdot's previous poll regarding putting yourself on a robot body. Having these means we're one sep closer to becoming Borgs.
Take-off every
I would totally mess with people. I'd hang around in busy public areas claiming to be undead (or dead, not sure which is creepier) and then when people questioned me i'd be able to prove, by traditional metrics that i am dead (no pulse). then i would try to avoid the police, because, c'mon, people get creeped out pretty easily.
sigSEGV - doy!
The golf course hasn't put in WiFi yet.
Stephen
"Don't write down to your readers, the only people less intelligent than you can't read" - Sign on Newspaper Office Wall
Yes- and you could easily amortize the cost of this device and its implant by taking that $35 a month and multiplying it by 71.4 years. (MSRP by my estimate 40K with a 30K street price. :-) )
Hmm, this could be bad for any male porn star that needs a replacement heart. Aren't the male porn stars supposed to be able to hold a throbbing erection? Now it's gonna have the distinct hum of a turbine.
Could be good, could be bad. Hmm.
Presently here, but not there.
Well, that and the guy you just checked screaming "OW! You just pinched me fucking ear!" will probably help as well.
..it's time to throw out your organ donar card.
UNIX/Linux Consulting
Darl McBride is living proof you can survive with no pulse.
Linux with kernel panic...
MadPenguin.org
"almost all"?
He's Dead Jim. No wait wait he's alive.
This
Show off ;-) But at least I know what atlantoaxial sublaxation and genu valgus are!
So basically most Americans effectively have no pulse already? I swear, we're always ahead of the curve.
You better watch out, there may be dogs about . .
I can generally tell how hard I'm exercising by how much it hurts.
The thing about a pulse is the blood vessel valves need only open at the peak pressure of the pulse. The rest of the time the blood pressure can be quite low. On average the blood will still flow the right way.
:).
Whereas for a pulseless heart the blood pressure has to be at the peak continuously.
There are also other issues to do with general plumbing - I read somewhere that heart surgeons have found putting a slight twist in a bypass vein makes it less likely to clog up. Theory is that it causes the blood to swirl and that could help keep the vessels clear and healthy. I can't find the original article (New Scientist) but you can read about it here.
Quote: "They discovered that the smooth shear stress caused three genes to become more active (New Scientist, Science, 5 October 1996, p 17). Two of these code for enzymes that reduce blood clotting and protect cells from damage. The third gene produces a protein vital for the synthesis of nitric oxide, which inhibits the development of thrombi--blood clots--and prevents the surrounding layer of smooth muscle cells from overgrowing the endothelial layer. But the activities of these genes were barely detectable in cells that felt turbulent shear stress or no stress at all. Some stress, it seems, is a good thing. "
So without a pulse it is likely that the cells may not behave correctly.
Well at least you might have some fun with the old-style lie detector tests
I just got a nifty heart monitor for running. Guess I should just go eBay it now...
Alas, some poor soul might not meet the primary requirement for our nation's great vocational colleges.
The angel in the oatmeal.
You don't have to spell it out, we're all familiar with that acronym.
^^vv<><>BA
I'd be dead.
> (IMAD) I am a doctor.
;-)
Good thing your patients' lives don't depend on your ability to create acronyms.
I can see it all now. Two lovers holding each other close. One says to the other: "I love to listen to the whirring of your heart!"
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!" -- Dr. Strangelove
mdiarmspafpothama (My dad is a retired medical school professor and former president of the heart association midwest affiliate)
You don't have to spell it out, we're all familiar with that acronym.
Well now I feel like an idiot for going "em-dia-rmspaf-pothama... what the hell is that?" *click shortcut to open dictionary.com in new tab*
Blessed be he who reads this post, Cursed be he who tells my boss.
So, who do you think will be the first to overclock one of these. I can see it now:
Yeah my heart runs at 100 RPMs, but you see this button. If i'm ever in danger I just push this button, and wham up to 7200 for 20 seconds.
And then they armed me with moderator points and the world mourned.
A mousetrap has five essential pieces - and if any one of them is missing (i.e., the spring, the hammer, the catch, the platform or the holding bar), the trap will not function.
And yet we have the Venus Flytrap.
No more of that pounding thunder in my head!
"The bigger the lie, the more they believe." - Det. Bunk
Well I'm not an internist, or a researcher, and my dad was definitely not a heart surgeon.... ... but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
So I think I'm qualified to say this is bad, and that you should initialize the hydrogen recombiners before even attempting this procedure.
Tattoo on chest: Do not use defib, subject has no pulse, subject may not be dead, please call 1-888-heartless for more information.
Or call On-Star!
I killed da wabbit -Elmer Fudd