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Gene Therapy Turns Slackers Into Workaholics

Posted by michael on from the water-cooler-sales-drop dept.

DrLudicrous writes "According to a recent Reuters article, scientists have been able to cause monkeys to stop procrastinating by blocking the development of a dopamine receptor in the brain. The net result- the monkeys turned into workaholics. An article has appeared in the online version of Nature. Apparently, monkeys, just like human beings, tend to slack off on tasks until the very last minute. They become quite adept at judging how long they have till they absolutely must complete these tasks. The original article appears in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. An additional blurb appears here courtesty of Science Blog." NIH has a press release.

60 of 525 comments (clear)

  1. Asked when we might see it in humans by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    The scientists said "We're working on it. We'll get it done soon. Don't worry about it."

    1. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by sita · · Score: 5, Funny

      Meanwhile, a million workaholic monkeys were making experiments in the lab next door.

    2. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by lucabrasi999 · · Score: 3, Funny
      a million workaholic monkeys were making experiments in the lab next door.

      Which begs the question, Would a million workaholic monkeys doing lab experiments be able to come up with a cure for cancer more quickly than the slacker human doctors?

      Sorry. Didn't mean to get all philosophical.

    3. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by MikeDX · · Score: 5, Funny

      Prof Strickland added this comment:

      "No Monkey every ammounted to anything in the history of Gene Therapy"..

      Oh yeah? Well history is gonna change!

    4. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by nwbvt · · Score: 4, Funny
      No, but they were able to develop aerodynamic shit.

      Ah, monkey jokes. Many a comic has made a living off those.

      --
      Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
    5. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by jcostantino · · Score: 2, Funny

      Throw in some typewriters and we may get some Shakespeare!

      --
      Reviews with a twist! http://www.sardonicbastard.com
    6. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      I, for one, welcome our workaholic monkey overlords.

    7. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
      What? No one has said it yet?

      I for one welcome our genetically modified workaholic monkey overlords...

    8. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by VivianC · · Score: 5, Funny

      Uh-oh. I think I just heard the death-knell for Slashdot!

      --
      Viv

      Gmail invites for ip
    9. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by Tackhead · · Score: 5, Funny
      > Throw in some typewriters and we may get some Shakespeare!

      No, AOL has already disproved this hypothesis.

    10. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by Psmylie · · Score: 5, Funny

      I was under the assumption that monkeys have a higher average IQ then the 12-16 year old AOL set. Besides, maybe all you need to do is translate lines like:
      "Is this a dagger which I see before me..."
      into
      "omgwtflol!!1!"
      to get the rough shakespearian equivilant.

      --

      psmylie's dictionary: Godzillion (noun) Any number large enough to destroy Tokyo

    11. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by genner · · Score: 4, Funny

      The problem with the AOL mokey's is that they where all slackers. This might help them.

    12. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      "When we set our sights a little lower, we can get some real results."
      "So how many monkeys do you have?"
      "A thousand."
      "Anything come from it?"
      "We've had two Hemingways, a Miller, and a King."
      "King?"
      "Um, yes, uh, Stephen King. 'The Tommyknockers'. In Dutch."

  2. Imagine this.... by Mz6 · · Score: 3, Funny
    Imagine when it gets offered to humans:

    "Billy, go take your medicine...."

    "Ahh... I'll do it tomorrow..."

    --
    Hmmm.
    1. Re:Imagine this.... by straybullets · · Score: 2, Funny

      yeah and here on slashdot it's always : "bahh, i'll RTFA tomorow ... "

      --
      With that aggravating beauty, Lulu Walls.
  3. What now??!??! by trp642 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Do we start outsourcing more jobs to monkeys instead of India?


    Liar... Liar...

    1. Re:What now??!??! by Patik · · Score: 3, Funny

      ...and what will become of us when they start hiring Indian monkeys!?

    2. Re:What now??!??! by swordboy · · Score: 2, Funny

      A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey.

      --

      Life is the leading cause of death in America.
  4. J.R. "Bob" Dobbs would not approve. by plover · · Score: 5, Funny
    I'm not sure that proving the existance of a "slack" gene is such a good idea. For example, the Church of the Subgenius teaches us that we can all be slackers; now, with the advent of a slack (or anti-slack) gene, there may be a genetic reason I will be rejected by their church.

    Or, maybe, the members who don't have enough slack will have to undergo gene therapy in order to participate.

    Sure, I can see it now: the High Priests of Slack will have a doping scandal.

    --
    John
    1. Re:J.R. "Bob" Dobbs would not approve. by w3weasel · · Score: 4, Funny

      Tisk, tisk....

      As with most 'normals' you severely mis-understand what is meant by "slack".

      I would tell about what it really means, but that would mean a host of /.'ers crowding up the spaceships when the venutian sex-goddesses come to rescue us sub-geneii.

      --

      Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals. -- Jack Handy

  5. Worker Monkey by Launch · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yes! Finally science has found a cure for my procrastination, now where can I get one of these worker monkeys?

    --
    Your mammas flamebait.
  6. I was going to have the first post by Patik · · Score: 4, Funny

    But it can wait.

  7. Netcraft confirms it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Slacking Is Dead!!!

  8. No, not that gene... by sita · · Score: 2, Funny

    I'm looking for something quite the opposite...

  9. Anti-procrastinating pill? by Jearil · · Score: 1, Funny

    "This project needs to get done! You better take your pill so you don't slack it off"

    *while readin /.*

    "Yeah yeah... I'll take it in a minute..."

  10. Half-Life ships! by joseph+schmo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Apparently, Valve got their hands on some of this stuff...

  11. Irony by liquidsin · · Score: 4, Funny

    So here I am reading /. at work to find out about how to stop slacking off. Good thing I'm too lazy to read the article.

    --
    do not read this line twice.
  12. Re:Am I a monkey..... by sita · · Score: 5, Funny

    Since when do monkeys understand what a timeline or due date is?

    They don't need to properly understand it. They can be your boss anyway.

  13. Oh, wait... by FatTux · · Score: 2, Funny

    Im sure Pat Volkerding already works a lot!...

  14. Re:Oh the audacity by famebait · · Score: 2, Funny

    Well, evidently evolution can run backwards sometimes:

    They become quite adept at judging how long they have till they absolutely must complete these tasks.

    The monkeys actually have one up on us!
    Me, I'm still holding out for a monkey with four asses.

    --
    sudo ergo sum
  15. Re:Mental Disorder. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny
    Essentially, they became unable to estimate how long the work would take to complete.
    So you're saying they turned into software developers?
  16. Maybe now... by JJ22 · · Score: 1, Funny

    Maybe now those 1000 monkeys with their 1000 typewriters will get to work and start cranking out some Shakespeare.

  17. This Just In... by SnapShot · · Score: 5, Funny

    From the Financial Desk...

    Dateline 2004.08.12...

    Shares of the popular slacker/hacker website Slashdot fell 97% this morning on news that gene therapy can cure procrastination.

    (c) 2004 Reuters

    --
    Waltz, nymph, for quick jigs vex Bud.
  18. Re:Schizophrenics by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    Those damn lazy schizophrenics. They sit around chain smoking and yelling at strangers instead of getting out there and finding hidden messages in street signs and listening to the voices coming from their fillings!

  19. Monkeys by hcetSJ · · Score: 4, Funny

    After the study, the monkeys proceeded to work out not only their script for Hamlet, but also the complete works of Francis Bacon, and the source to SCO Unix.

    --

    This side up.
  20. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 4, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  21. Re:Mental Disorder. by tomhudson · · Score: 4, Funny
    Essentially, they became unable to estimate how long the work would take to complete.
    So you're saying they turned into software developers?
    I would have thought "Marketing Department" or "Government Contractors." myself.
  22. Re:Oh Great by Ancil · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...we'd have a nation of mindless, workaholic zombies with few differences between one person and another.

    John Ashcroft called. He wants to know when we can start putting this stuff in the water supply.

  23. Now that Bangles song is stuck in my head... by Throtex · · Score: 4, Funny

    It's just another manic monkey... whoa whoa

  24. I can't wait... by phyruxus · · Score: 2, Funny
    ..to eat that monkey.

    mmmmmmmmm.

    --
    "A witty saying proves nothing." ~Voltaire
    "d'Oh!" ~Homer
    1. Re:I can't wait... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny
      ..to eat that monkey.
      There's no wrong way, to eat a rhesus.
  25. And in the meantime... by sixteenraisins · · Score: 2, Funny

    Apparently, monkeys, just like human beings, tend to slack off on tasks until the very last minute. They become quite adept at judging how long they have till they absolutely must complete these tasks.

    And in the meantime, we read /.

    --
    When you're not looking, this sig is in Latin.
  26. Detrimental effect on Slashdot by raider_red · · Score: 4, Funny

    If they start rolling this out for human consumption, then Slashdot's ad revenues could take a bath. After all, this is everyone's favorite means for procrastination at the office.

    --
    It's good to use your head, but not as a battering ram.
  27. Your new employment terms. by CountBrass · · Score: 5, Funny

    Section 2 Subsection 3.1

    The employee, herein after known as the "code monkey" shall, at their own expense, take such measures as are necessary to ensure their dopamine receoptors are suppressed. Failure to take such action and to be in the office with unsuppressed receptors shall be deemed, at the company's discretion, as gross misconduct and subject to summary dismissal without notice.

    --
    Bad analogies are like waxing a monkey with a rainbow.
  28. Hey...we don't appreciate being called monkeys... by Necromancyr · · Score: 4, Funny

    You know, I'm getting really tired of this calling Graduate Students monkeys thing. It has to stop.

  29. Infinitely Better? by tarsi210 · · Score: 2, Funny

    So, would an infinite number of workaholic monkeys in a room generate Shakespeare that much faster?

    "Ford!" he said, "there's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out." -- Arthur, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    --
    Blog,Twitter
  30. Re:It's a Brave New World by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Seriously, read it

    OK... first thing tomorrow...

  31. Reading Slashdot is procrastinating by saha · · Score: 5, Funny

    I procrastinate at work by starting my morning reading Slashdot, Wired, OSNews, BBC news, NY Times, Washington Post, The Economist, Google World News, The Register, LA Times, and more ....shit its lunch time already...

  32. Humans descended... by hashwolf · · Score: 2, Funny

    from a common slacker ancestor.

    --
    - "They misunderestimated me."
  33. Slashdot is procrastinating?? by Agent+Green · · Score: 2, Funny

    I had no idea! :)

    Let's rename this website to Slackdot...if it doesn't reflect a bunch of the readership, it'll reflect at least a handful of the dupe editors. :)

    --
    // Agent Green (Ian / IU7 / KB1JQO)
    // IEEE 802.3: All 10base Are Belong To Us
  34. Monkeys slack off? by WiggyWack · · Score: 2, Funny

    How do monkeys slack off?

    "Man, I know I should be throwing this poop, but I just don't want to right now."

    --
    Macintosh humor! MacComedy.com
  35. Re:Oh the audacity by ArsenneLupin · · Score: 3, Funny
    Our most recent common ancestor (that still is around today) is the chimps (with all the chimp speciecs on the very same branch).

    Wouldn't hat branch collapse with so many jabbering apes sitting on it? Or maybe, it's just a very sturdy tree.

  36. IAAGC... by sean.peters · · Score: 2, Funny

    I am a government contractor... and I can tell you that we're WAAAY more like the monkeys BEFORE the lazy gene blocking.

    Sean

  37. I was going to moderat this post... by Wandering+Wombat · · Score: 2, Funny

    ... but I'm too lazy. I can't see any eventual reward I would see for doing something like that. Hey, I wonder if I can sell moderator points on eBay?

    --
    I like to place meaningful quotes in my sig, so people will know that I know what meaningful quotes are.
  38. Re:when will we start giving this stuff to our kid by WhoseHouse · · Score: 3, Funny

    The way I figure it, we might as well just give the kids crack. It does the same thing; you get wired, can't stop working, go to Walmart at 2:30 in the morning to get crayons, construction paper, glue and glitter to finish your latest project. Of course, only to through it away the next day and spend the rest of the next day curled up with crossword puzzles and jollyranchers. Not like I would know or anything...

  39. Will this hurt or help the NIH federal budget... by Shoten · · Score: 2, Funny

    If they consider giving it to federal workers?

    --

    For your security, this post has been encrypted with ROT-13, twice.
  40. In other news.... by MacGod · · Score: 2, Funny

    And in other news, simian use of Slashdot has dropped by over 80%!

    --
    "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one " -Albert Einstein
  41. Re:when will we start giving this stuff to our kid by the+quick+brown+fox · · Score: 2, Funny

    If the stuff could make me stop surfing /. during the work day, it would way more than offset any negative effects!

  42. The mythical monkey minute by glyph42 · · Score: 3, Funny

    You should write a book on it! "The mythical monkey minute"

    --
    Music speeds up when you yawn, but does not change pitch.
  43. Re:when will we start giving this stuff to our kid by coyote_oww · · Score: 2, Funny

    Boss: Johnson, have you taken your pill today? Johnson: er... no, I was just about to get to that!