Have a Nice Steaming Cup of Java 5

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Have a Nice Steaming Cup of Java 5

Posted by michael on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:47AM from the milk-and-sugar dept.

wap writes "The language/VM/religion that everyone loves to hate is now serving another cup: Java 1.5 is ready for download. The new features of 1.5 have been discussed here before. I, for one, welcome our new virtual machine overlord. I have been using the release candidate, and startup times are noticeably faster, as is overall performance, and the new features like typesafe collections and static imports are great to have. Let the Java flames begin!"

24 of 859 comments (clear)

Thanks to our supporters by NoInfo · 2004-09-30 00:49 · Score: 5, Funny

"This release was made possible by our world-wide development community.

Oh, yeah, and ridiculously large settlement payments by Microsoft."

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1. Re:Thanks to our supporters by Anonymous Coward · 2004-09-30 02:00 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  You forgot to add "Netcraft confirms it - Java is dying" onto the end. But not a bad effort for a beginner troll.
Comment removed by account_deleted · 2004-09-30 00:50 · Score: 2, Funny

Comment removed based on user account deletion
Passe... by gowen · 2004-09-30 00:53 · Score: 5, Funny

Don't you know, we don't hate Java anymore. These days we all love Java due to its major new feature -- its not C#

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Athletic Scholarships to universities make as much sense as academic scholarships to sports teams.
1. Re:Passe... by FriedTurkey · 2004-09-30 02:36 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Yes, it's not C#, but it is getting closer and closer to being C/C++ (or something very very close). For instance, Java 5 borrows features heavily from C. Just take a look at some of the new features: - Generic Types (AKA templates) - Enumerated Types - Static Import (usage of this looks quite similar to the #define method) - Formatted Output / Input (printf/scanf style) - Varargs
  
  Crap. As a Java programmer, some show off programmer is going to use that crap unnecessarily and I am going to figure what all this stuff means.
2. Re:Passe... by BorgCopyeditor · 2004-09-30 05:05 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Very effective productivity tool. Though he tended to use CAT 5 cable.
  Ah, yes. The old "CAT-5-o'-nine-tails."
  
  --
  Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.
Well for us Apple elitist bastards by antifoidulus · 2004-09-30 00:56 · Score: 3, Funny

we still gotta wait....come on Steve, get out of the hospital and give us our static imports and generics!

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Monstar L
I just got my copy... by melted+keyboard · 2004-09-30 00:56 · Score: 5, Funny

Now let the slashdotting commence!
Stealing my tongue by mukund · 2004-09-30 00:58 · Score: 4, Funny

I, for one, welcome our new virtual machine overlord.

Dude you know you are not supposed to say these things in the story itself.

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Banu
1. Re:Stealing my tongue by Anonymous Coward · 2004-09-30 01:30 · Score: 0, Funny
  
  Actually, I think the story submission page should have: [ ] Imagine a Beowulf cluster of these! [ ] In Soviet Russia, [______________] you! [x] I for one welcome our new [______________] overlords [x] Automatic insert of AC fp It would save so much time, and prevent redundancy.
Re:How long will the MacOS X release take? by adavies42 · 2004-09-30 01:03 · Score: 2, Funny

I don't know when it will be out, but I can tell you what the Apple headline will be: "Tiger on Tiger".

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Man, that's not really fair by mcc · 2004-09-30 01:13 · Score: 3, Funny

Considering that nearly 100% of the justification I've heard from people who like C# is along the lines of "It's not Java".

...

Come to think of it, this entire situation is sort of starting to sound like, um, something else...

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Irritable, left-wing and possibly humorous bumper stickers and t-shirts
Naming by melanarchy · 2004-09-30 01:18 · Score: 1, Funny

If they're giving up and renaming it, they may as well go all the way. I say "Visual Java .NET" would be the perfect new name.
Ad seen on Monster today by phyruxus · 2004-09-30 01:34 · Score: 4, Funny

Java Developer needed. Must have 3+ years experience with Java 1.5, to start immediately.

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"A witty saying proves nothing." ~Voltaire
"d'Oh!" ~Homer
Re:My question is... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-09-30 01:38 · Score: 1, Funny

When is the selv-aware Java version due?

Right when it becomes aware of its spelling errors!

Thanks, I'll be here all week.
Re:How long will the MacOS X release take? by Anonymous Coward · 2004-09-30 01:45 · Score: 2, Funny

So I had the opportunity to talk to some Sun employees a few weeks ago.

And I asked them, "do you know, will Java 1.5 be in Tiger?"

And they just looked at me really funny and were like "well, obviously."

Later I found out apparently "Tiger" is also Sun's codename for their version of the Java 1.5 release.

Oops.
Just adjust the GMT offset in your resume by Anonymous Coward · 2004-09-30 02:06 · Score: 2, Funny

for the dates of experience with Java 1.5. It should be something like

Start: Sept 1999 -2628000
End: ... ...

If they ask who your employer was at the time, just tell them you haven't yet notified that employer that you intend to resign yet. It'd be all true. No need to lie. Oh and if they ask what that -2628000 is, tell them it's just a MS Word revisionist code.
Re:I wait! -- you mean... by scovetta · 2004-09-30 02:45 · Score: 4, Funny

You mean 1.5.1_03.1

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Wer mit Ungeheuern kämpft, mag zusehn, dass er nicht dabei zum Ungeheuer wird. --Nietzsche
Re:Java is to C as ... by MarkGriz · 2004-09-30 02:45 · Score: 3, Funny

"If Java is a cup of coffee, C#/VS is a cup of sweet sweet chocolate."

Too bad you can only drink "sweet sweet chocolate" in a dark, virus infested alley, while coffee can be enjoyed by everyone, everywhere.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Re:Dear Sun by shaka · 2004-09-30 02:53 · Score: 2, Funny

Go to the consumer-branded website: http://java.com

Um... I've been a Java developer for about 5 years, and I've never seen that website. Now, can someone please tell me why Sun has put fscking RINGTONES on their Java site!?

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:wq!
Re:I wait! by Surt · 2004-09-30 02:59 · Score: 2, Funny

whew! shift-f6 that was hard.

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"Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
Re:Java is to C as ... by rishistar · 2004-09-30 04:14 · Score: 3, Funny

I'm English dammit! I want a cup of tea!!!!

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Professor Karmadillo Songs of Science
Re:How long will the MacOS X release take? by BorgCopyeditor · 2004-09-30 05:02 · Score: 4, Funny

Shouldn't that be: "Hot Tiger-on-Tiger Action"? The spokesmen will of course be Siegfried and Roy.

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Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.
Re:Write once, run anywhere by Anonymous Coward · 2004-09-30 06:38 · Score: 1, Funny

JBuilder, I knew it! That explains why it takes 35 freakin minutes to START UP. Java really, really sucks bad. Defend it to the end, but it is slow as hell, and a total pain in the ass. If the whole java world dried up and died tomorrow, the world would be a better place.

Puzzle pirates, lots of fun, except for the FREAKIN waiting between screens. God.

If you are a project manager out there, and you are reading this, please, please, please promise that at the next project kick off, if ANYONE says "lets use java", fire their asses, and burn their bodies in a barrel.

The sooner we all admit that Java is painfully slow, doesn't "run on anything", and is not elegant, the better off we will all be.