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Tech Headlines You Won't Read in 2005

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the read-all-about-it dept.

prostoalex writes "Folks at Silicon.com posted a list of tech headlines that you won't see in 2005. Read about spam volume decreasing, Sun revenues soaring, Longhorn operating system delivered on time and bug-free and other news you're unlikely to see in the papers."

48 of 171 comments (clear)

  1. Hmmm... by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Whatever happen to the (past) predictions for 2004? I don't want to know what's going to happen, I want to know what will happen. Merry Xmas!

    1. Re:Hmmm... by Frymaster · · Score: 4, Interesting
      Whatever happen to the (past) predictions for 2004?

      well, the cnn tech predictions for 2004 is right here.

      ultimately last year's predictions were a bust: voip didn't take off, outsourcing didn't become an election issue, the nasdaq didn't rally like crazy. in fact, the only prediction hellwig got right was that digital music did continue to be popular and record labels did continue to be pissed off about it. really just a "more of the same" prediction.

      bottom line: if you really know what's going to happen next year, you're probably a multimillionaire stock broker instead of some hack journalist.

      --

      2 1337 4 u!

    2. Re:Hmmm... by Darren+Foong · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well...hard to see, the future is.

    3. Re:Hmmm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I want people to just READ what they already have in front of them. Headlines be damned, they don't read what's there anyway.

      OK so I'm still bitter from an eBay auction debacle early this year. I sold a mac laptop, the title was NON WORKING POWERBOOK G3. In the auction text I had
      THIS POWERBOOK HAS NO CPU
      THIS POWERBOOK HAS NO HARD DRIVE.
      THIS POWERBOOK HAS NO LOGIC BOARD.
      THIS POWERBOOK HAS NO BATTERY.
      THIS POWERBOOK IS NON WORKING

      just to make sure people know it's not working. Hey, it'd suffered a lightning strike and I'd dumped the parts that didn't work, kept the ones that did, and was attempting to sell on the remainder that wasn't any use to me. The screen worked, but that's all. Maybe the keyboard. I clearly marked it as being useful for SPARE PARTS ONLY.

      So what does the dipshit that buys it for $70 do? email me the day it arrives to them asking complaining that it doesn't power up.

      People do not read. They see pictures and go "I WANT!" and slap down their cash hoping for the best. Reading is too complicated. It wouldn't matter if the headlines WERE "Linux is really the best OS for you" or "Using Linux makes your dick bigger" few would take notice, they'd just look at the pictures.

    4. Re:Hmmm... by Saven+Marek · · Score: 2, Funny

      just to make sure people know it's not working. Hey, it'd suffered a lightning strike and I'd dumped the parts that didn't work, kept the ones that did, and was attempting to sell on the remainder that wasn't any use to me. The screen worked, but that's all. Maybe the keyboard. I clearly marked it as being useful for SPARE PARTS ONLY.

      Yes but did you say specifically that it cannot BOOT. What about people who dont know computers and dont know the importance of any of those parts?? maybe to them it might still be expected to boot.

      I hope you gave a refund.

      Best Mac Anime Gallery's Online

    5. Re:Hmmm... by fafaforza · · Score: 4, Funny

      I suppose he should also specify all the software packages that do not run on the non running powerbook.

      THIS POWERBOOK DOES NOT RUN OFFICE
      THIS POWERBOOK DOES NOT RUN OS 9
      THIS POWERBOOK DOES NOT RUN MARATHON
      THIS POWERBOOK DOES NOT RUN ...

    6. Re:Hmmm... by Nasarius · · Score: 2, Informative
      outsourcing didn't become an election issue

      Which election were you watching? Does the phrase "Benedict Arnold CEOs" ring any bells?

      --
      LOAD "SIG",8,1
  2. Slashdot added a spellchecker? by Cyberax · · Score: 5, Funny

    Well, its obvious.

    1. Re:Slashdot added a spellchecker? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well, it's obvious they haven't added a grammar checker yet.

  3. Stephenson Humor by zmilo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Sun revenues soaring Looks like a BLACK sun to me...

  4. Tech Headlines You WILL Read in 2005 by deglr6328 · · Score: 5, Funny

    ........."2005 is definitely the year for linux on the desktop!!"

    --
    - "Hear that?! The percolations are imminent! Cease your ingress!"
    1. Re:Tech Headlines You WILL Read in 2005 by kuzb · · Score: 2, Informative

      they said that in 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001 ... are we seeing a trend here?

      --
      BeauHD. Worst editor since kdawson.
    2. Re:Tech Headlines You WILL Read in 2005 by IO+ERROR · · Score: 2

      Linux is already on millions of desktops, just waiting to be taken advantage of.

      --
      How am I supposed to fit a pithy, relevant quote into 120 characters?
  5. More headlines you won't see... by telekon · · Score: 5, Funny
    "Study shows FP makes people want to have sex with you"

    "Slashdot karma key indicator of future financial success"

    "Microsoft to release a real operating system"

    "89% of Americans think we need a C with more pluses"

    --

    To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

    1. Re:More headlines you won't see... by littleRedFriend · · Score: 4, Funny


      - slashdot finally fixes HTML to be standard compliant and restores old karma system with points.
      - emacs and vi decide on the same set of keyboard shortcuts and start merging their codebase
      - A poll recently showed that the french do take a shower every day

      --
      IANAL, but imagine a beowulf cluster of in Soviet Russia all your belong are base to us welcoming the new SCO overlords.
  6. They missed the obvious... by Canberra+Bob · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Linux making huge inroads into the desktop market"

  7. Mobile giants: 3G spend worth every penny by BZoltan · · Score: 5, Interesting

    OK, 3G was overhyped few years back... but so the whole internet buzz was overestimated. During the last 5 years the so called 1G seriously evolved... now in some countries the 2-2.5G _is_ happening already. GPRS and bigger color display on mobile devices is out and it is usefull. Even commercial handheld devices with linux are available on the market... only the bandwidth is missing and that is called 3G and it is coming. Maybe not with stupid hype as the net boomed 5 years ago but smarter. :) and anyway.. it is way more realistic then a bugfree Longhorn on time :)

    1. Re:Mobile giants: 3G spend worth every penny by Caine · · Score: 4, Informative
      now in some countries the 2-2.5G _is_ happening already.

      Eh, all my friends have 3G mobile phones, with free video calls within their net and for a small fee to other nets. They've also got several tv-channels (such as news, music, etc) to choose from for a flat fee, not to mention full internet connectivity. But then I live in a civilized country like Sweden.

    2. Re:Mobile giants: 3G spend worth every penny by Idarubicin · · Score: 2, Funny
      But then I live in a civilized country like Sweden.

      Denmark?

      --
      ~Idarubicin
  8. Missing: by yellowstone · · Score: 4, Funny
    • Simple patch to Windows eliminates 99% of all risk of virus infection now and in future.
    • Gates admits "plenty of room in marketplace" for Linux, Apple
    • Slashdot posts a story that admits that RIAA, MPAA might have some legitimate reasons to be concerned about filesharing apps
    • Usenet becomes the model of internet peace, harmony, and goodwill
    • Revenge Of The Sith doesn't suck!
    • RMS admits he "may have been a little overzealous" regarding the FSF/GNU.
    • Natalie Portman announces involvement in performance art piece featuring petrification and hot grits.
    --
    150 Opening BINARY mode data connection for slashdot.sig (129323052 bytes).
  9. How about... by karniv0re · · Score: 4, Funny

    More Software Patents Filed; SCO continues Litigation to Keep Company Afloat; Microsoft CEO Attacks Linux While Jumping Up and Down and Screaming Unintelligibly ...

    Oh, wait. This was supposed to be about stories we won't hear... Nevermind.

  10. And In Other Unlikely News by character_assassin · · Score: 2, Funny

    Slashdotters Leave Mothers' Basements, Meet Women, Have Sex

    --

    If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
  11. Where is SCO in this list? by mahesh_gharat · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Guys at SCO admit that they were wrong when they claimed that Linux kernel contains the proprietory UNIX code.
    Going one step further they will start advocating Linux and the advantages of Open Source.

  12. Another.... by WMD_88 · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Apple introduces $499 desktop" ;-)
    "Intel introduces AMD64 killer"

  13. game of the year by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Duke Nuke'm Forever named Game of the Year!

  14. This COULD happen.... by Travoltus · · Score: 4, Funny

    "April 2005: RedHat buys Sun..." :)

    --
    --- Grow a pair, liberals... stop letting the Republicans bully you!
    1. Re:This COULD happen.... by telekon · · Score: 3, Funny
      No, no, I think he meant the ACTUAL sun... y'know, so they can GPL it before Microsoft patents it.

      Solar radiation wants to be free.

      --

      To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

  15. ANTI-predictions are EASY by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Insightful

    It's easy to make anti-predictions... The sun won't explode in 2005. I won't become a millionaire... blah blah blah.

    How about something challenging like predictions instead?

    1. Re:ANTI-predictions are EASY by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 3, Funny

      I predict that I will become a multi-millionaire stock broker instead of a hack journalist. :P

      Or a mortage processor. My punk nephew made $10k last month for pushing mortage loan paper work around. I sometimes wonder why I'm learning to become a network desk jockey. Sheeesh... kids these days...

  16. Another headline that won't exist..... by IInventedTheInternet · · Score: 5, Funny


    Study shows slashdoters get laid more often than Pandas.

  17. Tech Headline I WISH I could read in 2005... by Travoltus · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "June 2005: the US Supreme Court finds the DMCA unconstitutional..."

    --
    --- Grow a pair, liberals... stop letting the Republicans bully you!
  18. 3 in the UK by doodlelogic · · Score: 2, Informative

    One of the most affordable carriers in the UK is 3. All their phones are 3G. They took a while to take off because at first the phones were quite bulky but now they are making serious inroads.

    Most of the applications like watching a clip of today's news, cricket, etc are extra though... quite cheap at 50p a pop but can mount up quite easily.

  19. BSD dies by LooseChanj · · Score: 2, Funny

    Each of the three major BSD flavors halt development , endorse Linux

    --
    Mix the failings of Usenet with the shortcomings of the World Wide Web and the result is slashdot.
  20. Indian firm opens Middlesbrough call centre by fluffybacon · · Score: 3, Informative

    The HCL Call Centre in Belfast is owned by an Indian company. This headline has already happened (sort of).

    --
    It's not big, but it's clever!
    1. Re:Indian firm opens Middlesbrough call centre by sunsrin · · Score: 2, Interesting

      These days, more Indian companies want to acquire companies outside India. Of course, they will be exporting people so that they can keep the costs down to minimal. This trend is not only applicable to just IT or BPO companies - but to many other sectors. These Indian companies mostly look at European countries as they think US is a bit saturated.

      --
      >> Techflock-flock onto the best bits of technology
  21. and yet a few more headlines you won't see... by ZombyHero · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Duke Nukem Forever Release a Smashing Success!"

    "SCO wins lawsuit"

    "Microsoft bought-out by OSDN"

  22. The patch by gad_zuki! · · Score: 4, Funny

    > Simple patch to Windows eliminates 99% of all risk of virus infection now and in future.

    CHICAGO (Reuters Tech) - Computer scientists claim the patch, printed by Microsoft Press, can be applied anywhere but U of I Professor Stephen Molovich claims the best place to put it is, "Right on your forehead, so people can see it every morning in the mirror." The patch is an ordinary sticker with the words, "Use Firewall. Don't Install Crap. Turn on Auto-Update" on it.

    The patch sells for 2 cents when bought in bulk and expects to retail at 5 cents (3 Euro cents). The Open Source community has reverse-engineered their own patches using off the shelf equipment like Avery stickers and Sharpies. OSS advocate Bruce Perens was overhead saying this about the patch, "The big question right now is whether we can get people to use GNUpatch rather than the Microsoft Press patch. It doesn't matter if it's on your arm or on your cat. If we can get people to wear it, security wins in the office and at home."

  23. Here's another one they missed: by loomis · · Score: 3, Insightful

    EXTRA: Slashdot now caches webpages and links to cached versions instead of linking directly.

    --
    "The television is the retina of the mind's eye" - Videodrome
  24. Headlines from bizarro world by gad_zuki! · · Score: 4, Funny

    Adult acne considered sexy.

    $20 computer speakers deliver rich, full sound.

    Nerdfilter slashdots a site.

    Buying robot dog sane move, claim psychologists.

    VoIP company turns profit, plans to spend half of it to call ma with the good news.

    Firefox and IE usage down as people discover this seasons new sitcoms.

    MMORPG player doesn't complain about, "the grind" for once.

    Mom, dad, and little sister all understand what you mean when you say, "MP3 bitrate."

    New technology not applicable to pornography delivery claim computer scientists.

    Burt Rutan has something nice to say about NASA.

    American adults now smarter than new Treo smartphone.

    Adding bold to 'MCSE' on resume got local man a job.

    New open source app has easy to remember and pronouncable name.

  25. Long-Horn is bug free by Fussen · · Score: 2, Funny

    Of course Long-Horn is bug free, but anything can stay bug free when it's in a "Clean Room."

    But then there's the Network... the magical realm of connectivity. Longhorn will be exploited before you can type:
    "Microsoft finally got it righ-*Award Medallion BIOS v8.0, An Energy Star Ally*"

  26. Least likely headlines by Nicholas+Hill · · Score: 3, Funny

    "SCO provides evidence of IP infringement to the courts" "Bill Gates ranked sexiest man in the Americas" "Microsoft Longhorn to be released in December this year" "Software Engineers band together and form the Programmers Union" "Firefox loses market share." "Netcraft denies it" "Geeks admit C is a rediculously flawed and insecure language with little benefit and recommend Borland Delphi as an expert platform"

    1. Re:Least likely headlines by TFGeditor · · Score: 4, Funny

      Slashdot Website Awarded Pulitzer

      --
      Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
    2. Re:Least likely headlines by bedessen · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Oh baloney. Most every slashdot "story" is a blatant copy and paste from the first paragraph of an actual publication, and what meagre original content may be present in the writeup is penned by someone with no concept of proper grammar or spelling, often in broken, incomplete sentences. The Pulitzer committee would be laughed off the face of the earth for rewarding this kind of "journalism" with any sort of reward.

  27. USATODAY:Linux expands beyond the office into home by NZheretic · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Linux expands beyond the office into the home.

  28. Re:They missed the obvious...OOPS. by black+mariah · · Score: 4, Funny
    "Sex will be better in 2005."
    This is Slashdot. That should read "Sex will happen in 2005."
    --
    'Standards' in computing only impress those who are impressed by things like 'standards'.
  29. Longhorn will NOT ship on time... by Anita+Coney · · Score: 2, Interesting

    An utterly stripped version of it probably will, but without any of the four pillars remaining, it'd be like a Beatles reunion with members of Abba taking their place.

    --
    If someone says he and his monkey have nothing to hide, they almost certainly do.
  30. Identity Theft becomes a thing of the past... by stkpogo · · Score: 2, Interesting

    When credit vendors are required to reimburse the victims.

    http://www.consumer.gov/idtheft/

  31. Oooh! Oooh! I got one! by phillymjs · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Apple Announces iPod to Support Ogg; Dozens Rejoice"

    ~Philly