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Monkeys Pay for Monkey Porn
An anonymous reader writes "Give a monkey some spending money, and he'll blow it on pictures of women monkeys. He'll also pay to see dominant monkeys. But you'll have to pay him to look at inferior monkeys. That's the upshot of a study out of Duke that was designed to explore the 'social machinery of the brain with an eye toward helping autism patients.' Next up -- seriously -- the researchers want to run the same test on Joe Sixpack (sans the monkey business)."
Do they spank the monkey as part of the experiment?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
....the next time you get caught looking at porn, you can point to this article and say, "Hey it's not me, it's evolution, baby."
Grunt, grunt, grunt ...Screeeeeeeeeeech!
Where can I download this monkey porn?
Anyone else get a completely different meaning out of that then they intended?
Don't Tread on Me
Crack.
Oh, wait, this wasn't a poll?
paintball
What, no 'fermented banana juice' to go with that fresh monkey pr0n?
i stopped paying for porn the day i discovered a web browser!
Insert witty comment here
What did the monkeys DO with the photos? If you could say, get Bush photos on a roll of Charmin, I'd be inclined to buy them.
paintball
Would there be anything wrong with this sentence: give a human some spending money and he'll blow it on pictures of female humans?
I guess I'm objecting to the notion that being male is the norm.
Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.
Peel a banana for a monkey, and he'll be fed for a day.
Teach a monkey to surf the Internet, and he'll find his own peelers.
Why don't the monkeys have filesharing? Then they could spank themselves to death. Maybe they were humans before the MPAA got them or something.
C|N>K
This is Ig Noble Prize material! Last years Psychology Ig Nobel Prize winner won for "Gorilla's In Our Midst", showing that "when people pay close attention to something, it's all too easy to overlook anything else -- even a woman in a gorilla suit." Clearly, monkey butts is important follow-up research that also deserves a prize.
Give a monkey some spending money, and he'll blow it on pictures of women monkeys.
I wish they would stop referring to the students at Duke like that.
The ______ Agenda
My boss doesn't like it when I call him "baby".
Well you can get naked chicks on the internet for free. Why pay for another cable channel? ;)
I for one welcome our new female monkey porn dealing researcher overlords!
Watching sports is not a sexual behaviour, but rather a herd behaviour. It strengthens the bond to the "herd", in this case the followers of the same team. It also appeals to the competitive side of humans, since sports (usually? always?) are a competition. It's hardly a display of gay sexuality.
Or perhaps the change will raise the overall level of discourse. Hard to say.
It's perfectly normal for a grown man to share his bed with juvenile monkeys. hee heeeee
Nah, I lump rabid sports fans in the same catagory of Star Trek fans.
Let's look at this.
1. Both fans get dressed up as their favorite character/player.
2. They both will buy lots of memorabilia.
3. Both are always glued to the TV to watch their show/game.
4. Both talk non-stop with other people about their show/game...even with people that couldn't give a shit.
5. Both know minute trivia about their favorite show/game.
But one is generally accepted and welcomed in pursuing their passion while the other is shunned and joked and beat-up by the other.
"Leo Fender was in a 'state of grace' when he designed the Stratocaster." -- Paul Reed Smith
A lot of guys already do this - they pay to see ESPN -it's considered dominant males by those who watch it.
Personally, I think most sports fans are a little "gay". They'd rather watch a bunch of sweaty guys jumping all over eachother, than, say fashion TV - where hot models walk down the runway.
Insightfull start but why did you flush it down the toilet with nimwit remark. It even counters your starts.
1 Earth is warming, 2 It's us, 3 it's royally bad, 4 we need to take action NOW
That we'd get anything other than a stream of 'spank the monkey' jokes, I suppose.
I mean, I'll grant you that they're easy... But for all that the circumstances of the study make for plenty of nice crass jokes, it does raise some very interesting questions - hands up who else thought watching sports, and porn, were singularly human proclivities?
Apart from the mild fascination attatched to what this tells us about our extra-fuzzy relatives, it gives an interesting perspective on what it is to be human, how divorced are we from our fellow animals? From those things we like to refer to as 'animal instincts'?
But, since it's all too easy.. I'll let you construct a joke based on dominant monkeys, and American politics, as an exercise for the reader.
fortune -o
... and what do they have to be paid to do?
>Give a monkey some spending money, and he'll blow it on pictures of women monkeys
Give researchers some money, and they'll spend it on monkey porn
Ok, silly question...
If a male monkey gets off on looking at pictures of naked (human) women, is that considered bestiality?
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It would be interesting to know if they really only tried it with a male watcher / female picture combination. If so that would give an interesting insight into the researcher's minds...
Another question then would arise: were the researchers male or female...
Seems just like a nice allegory to the evolution of man: Monkeys -> pr0n -> IQ Test
There's a subtle sexualisation of contact
The sexualisation happens in your head, dude. Physical contact is not inherently sexual, it's just christianity's fucked up relationship with sexuality that makes it so.
In many cultures it is perfectly natural to take someone by the hand to show them the way somewhere, even if both parties are adult males. Most americans would consider it "gay". Now what sort of mental condition and view of sexuality does that require?
Not that many other cultures don't have their own serious hangups, of course.
sudo ergo sum
In other news, women monkeys were said to be disgusted at the results of this survey.
A spokes woman for MWEF (Monkey womens' emanicipation front) said "As always, research on males are considered more important than research on women." When asked to comment, the human researchers mumbled something about women monkeys having a more complex hormonal system.
A team of Russian researchers gabe the monkey couples a remote control as part of the experiment, the women monkeys immediately monopolized it and choose to give all their money to see "Friends", because Marcel is so cute.
Tell your friends about xenu.net
- to see dominant male monkeys?
- to get bananas?
- to get dildos?
- to see monkey pr0n?
Privacy begins with
http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=BRG8K8H&key=EUB
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
*GG*
All rites reversed 2010
This is an attitude of what those comfortable with Autism call a "curebie". I am the parent of a wonderful boy who happens to have autsim, and I can tell you, he is no need of a "cure".
Autism is categorized as a system-wide neurological disorder. A "disorder" because the system of an autistic individual deviates from what is considered "normal". These are most likely inherited traits. To "cure" autism would pretty much be a system of eugenics. Once born with these traits, there is no cure. Just as there would be no cure for left-handedness or red hair. This is not an acquired disease, this is who these people are.
Not being comfortable with looking at someone in the face is not the end of the world. I hope to teach my son coping mechanisms to live in a world that does not make sense to him, there is no need for him to pretend to not be autistic and fit in with the Neurotypical folk.
As cool as it is that monkeys like porn as much as the average slashdotter, this research in my opinion is misguided.
There are two kinds of fool. One says, This is old, and therefore good. And one says, This is new, and therefore better.
Well, it used to be christianity - now it's mostly various under-occupied university types who seek to sexualise pretty much everything.
I'd say that rather your view of Christianity is rather fucked up. Somehow in Eastern, Orthodox Europe it is OK for males to kiss for greeting in the lips, somehow in Poland, supposedly extreme-Catholic country, it is OK for males to walk and talk hugging each other. OK, maybe walking hand in hand would be considered gay, or rather "feminine", not even gay, but many other physical contacts between males are really OK, without any homesexual undertones.
AFAIK it is the same (or even more) in Italy, Spain, Greece. I don't know...
So, have you considered, that this fuck-up happened rather in Anglosaxon culture than in "christianity"? OK, it might be something protestant in the background, but I don't know enough about Protestants to draw any conclusions.
And Christian (well, at least Catholic and Orthodox) view of sexuality, while it might seem restrictive from the outside, is coherent and based on viable basis. Of course, there are some devots who still think it is much worse to show a tit in TV than to show dead bodies of terrorist bombing victims, but I don't think it has much to do with Christianity either.
So before you rant, please do some investigation in the subject.
Raf
I'm a gay man who likes to watch sports and found the joke to be rather whimsical.
Whats halrious is that Queen, headed by the flamboyantly gay Freddy Mercury, wrote lots of the songs that you hear at football games e.g. "We Will Rock You" and "We Are the Champions..."
If religous zealots don't believe in Evolution, then why are they so worried about bird flu?
This pro-aspie attitude is no different from the pro-ana and pro-deafness mess.
People with disorders and disabilities, in some attempt of self validation, try to say their disability is not a disability but just 'different'. If a person is retarded - which is what autism is by definition - trying to pretend that they're not retarded, but just 'different', is a messed up attitude. They're tying people's worth to their physical (dis)abilities rather than how good they are as a person, and as they're doing this, they try to pretend that their personal disability isn't a disability but is just 'different' to try to self validate. We see anorexics doing this, blind people doing this, deaf people, some schizophrenics, and now autistics.
Autism is not 'different' like blue and green eyes are different. It is massive brain damage caused by chronic, global physical illness. These individuals may be disinterested in focusing on others because certain parts of their brains have been literally destroyed or are not working. They often have mental illnesses because they have some of the most radical chemical inbalances in their bodies that you'll find in anyone.
2/3rds of children with autism are not 'born' with autism, but develop normally for the first two to four years. Autism is not inherited. But rather, genetic traits are inherited that make a person more or less vulnerable to the environmental insults that cause autism. Autism is a modern disease that was very rare before recent times. This is because few people were exposed to the things that cause autism until now.
Autism can and has been induced in previously normal adults and lab animals, as well as children.
Oh, and autism can potentially be cured. Parents are now having success in curing autism with bio chemical intervention. Children have gone from quasi vegetative states to being completely normal and communicative.
I am opinionated about this subject because I used to be autistic. Note past tense.
I wouldn't say that it's Christianity that's at fault. Not that my knowledge is deep in breadth or whatever, but if you read Chaucer (14th century), who was a very devout Christian, male physical contact was pretty normal in his stories.
Male physical contact was okay until the 1950's or so (Asimov writes about men taking other men by the hand, etc.), when suddenly there was some sort of... hyper-masculinization, I'm not sure how better to describe it. And even so, it's found chiefly in North American society, to boot.
In conclusion? No idea where it comes from, but even with Christianity's idiosyncrasies, it can't possibly be the only explanation.
Why are you repeating SCO's legal arguments?
That's totally off-topic!
~X~
~X~
Larry Niven coined the word "rishathra" for sex between different species of hominids.
Since our ancestors killed off our hominid cousins, perhaps it could be used to describe sex between primates.
Of course, they'd have to be intelligent primates. So until we get some kind of Uplift program going, a monkey getting off on human porn would almost certainly find warts and hair sprouting from his palms. (And vice-versa, so don't get any ideas!)
Stefan
You know, I just happened to have read "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens. Of course he was an englishman writing in 1860, and he describes his very hetero male characters holding hands and getting emotional over each other. This was in a very christian, very protestant culture. Its not christianity, folks, that leads to homophobia!
My agenda is "keeping it real", which means that I don't get along well with far left socialist liberals and far right Bible-thumping republicans. How can all the people in the middle get along when you have both sides trying to take over the world? They're troublemakers.
Only occasionally. In large, drunken, rowdy groups. Just before some monkey nuptials usually.
Just like human women.
Lost at C:>. Found at C.
No, they're going to give the monkeys a six-pack and see how fast their standards drop.