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Cars that Can't Crash?
johnsee writes "Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash. The future of cars according to Gates will involve high-definition screens, speech recognition technology, cameras, digital calendars and navigation equipment with directions and road conditions." From the article: "Also on Friday, Microsoft unveiled its Performance Peak Initiative -- a line of computer systems to help the auto industry better coordinate supply chains, streamline design, production and sales and fill vehicles with computer gadgets."
For best straight line ever seen on Slashdot:
Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash.
"I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismometer." -Ken Kesey
I smell an episode of Fear Factor in the making....
The Braying and Neighing of Barnyard Animals Follows.
... to begin with...
Paul B.
Blue Windshield of Death jokes in 3... 2... 1...
Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
microsoft...
can't crash...
must... make... joke... before head explodes...
It Is the Nature of Information to Transgress Artificial Boundaries
Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this:
If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. (160,000km/hr)
Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds (14 kilos) and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.
In response to all this goading, GM issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microshaft has, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:"
Javascript + Nintendo DSi = DSiCade
Will I have to pay yearly license fees to drive my car, or will it just one day swerve off the road if I let my licenses lapse? Can they catch a virus from neighboring cars at the parking lot? Will it come with Clippy? "Hello! you seem to be flying off the roadaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh" (car flies off road, rolls, and catches on fire).
Must resist urge to make bluescreenofdeath jokes.....
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
Microsoft, designing something that can't crash? Is this some sort of new Slashdot super-typo?
What if I do the same thing, and I do get different results?
...everyone.
This is the scariest thing I have ever seen.
Perhaps the Dept of Homeland Security should notify the president that Microsoft and Ford are working on WMDs!
This is old news. Microsoft plans to repackage Windows 1.0 for automobiles, if the car can't boot it cannot crash.
May I be the first
No.
The Braying and Neighing of Barnyard Animals Follows.
...they can design an unsinkable cruise liner.
Oh wait.
Editor Emeritus and Senior Writer, TeleRead.org
How many redundant posts will we see in this thread?
Depends on the buffer overflow...
You can't take the sky from me...
Its the safest vehicle ever.
unfortunately due to a restrictive EULA you will not be permitted to sell it once you've used it, and you can be arrested for opening the hood.
Starsucks
"FORD Owners Recommend Dodge"
Speech recognition in a car - that would work just fine. My wife screams "stop" and "Oh my God" when a bird flies by. I'll be dead in a week. Of course, she might view this as a feature, not a bug.
You'd go to start the car, but the system would tell you "Can't start car, module starter depends on module elect_sys which is not installed."
So then you'd go get module elect_sys. It would tell you "Can't install module elect_sys, module depends on battery which is not installed."
So you'd get battery installed, and then you'd get elect_sys installed, but then starter still wouldn't because it depends on something else.
Then something wouldn't work because starter.conf was written for a coupe model and you have the sedan. So you get to hack that file.
Then you finally get it installed and running and it tells you that it has no warranty.
you will find that when you inserted the key into the ignition, you waived all warrantees of suitability for purpose, waived all liability, and in the case that there was liability anyway, limited it to the price of the software . . .
hawk
How many redundant posts will we see in this thread?
That makes me wonder though, how many duplicate posts will we see in this thread?
Posting this story on /. is like posting a story about the joys of a hot dog eating contest in a vegan forum.
(+1 Funny) only if I laugh out loud.
5. Don't drink while drunk or high
You're tellin' me. Every time I do that I wake up next to someone ghastly.
So on top of patrol tax, car tax, MOT, and all the other taxes associated with running a car, all road users now have to find a £300.00 MS tax also... (and it will still crash, as the per the joke).
1. There would be multiple distributors of free cars, though all would be spurned by the commercial auto industry.
2. If you want to change your tires you have to download all the most recent parts and rebuild your engine.
3. Upon building a new car you would find that your new windshield wipers are not yet supported.
4. You could build your own windshield wipers if you really, really wanted to.
5. Sourceforge would release a wrapper to allow you to retrofit Microsoft Windows Wipers (tm) onto your open source car.
6. Sun Motorsystems would make a transmission that was widely accepted and everybody copied, but wouldn't release the original blueprints to the community.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be located throughout the car and held on with velcro.
8. People would engage in holy wars over their favorite car distribution, forgetting completely that most people purchase cars and drive them home same-day.
9. We would still be waiting on anyone to finish buiding their gentoo model.
10. We'd all have to make our own gas, which would not be compatible with Microsoft Gas(tm).
11. People would line up to be Linus Torvald's chauffeur.
12. The US government decree that a ciurcular steering controller on any other car violates Microsoft's IP.
13. All components of the open source car would be renamed to begin with "G" or "K".
14. Slashdot posters would imagine Beowulf carpools of anything with wheels.
Why, oh why, didn't I take the Blue Pill?
Sounds like peril sensitive sunglasses
The real "Libtards" are the Libertarians!
5. Don't drink while drunk or high
:)
I never drink when I'm drunk or high, I only drink when sober
Enjoy,
It's just the normal noises in here.
"Ooooh! Quick honey, look at this really cool instrument panel screensaver that some nice man named "4@X0r-4-d3@th" sent us from Thailand!"
"I can't really look right now sweetie, I'm trying to merge...Hey! That's wicked cool!
I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly, alert.
Linux is not Windows
CLIPPY: Sorry, I don't understand your input, Shell Gas?
Easy, Windows will make the car so slow, that it won't be able to crash.
No problem! Your new MSFord will have a new one built into it!
The Peak Performance Initiative press release also states:
It will also "Drive Efficiency and Innovation Across the Manufacturing Value Chain." When I figure out what a Manufacturing Value Chain is, I'll get back to you.
5. Don't drink while drunk or high
You forgot #12... don't post while drunk or high.
Yes, but how many redundant posts will be mislabeled "Funny"?
In other news...
Ford stock crashes on fears of new Microsoft car models.
he can't see the need for any car to ever need more than 64hp.
After making a second consecutive right turn, Clippy appears. "It seems like you're turning. Would you like help about this topic?" You say no.
AutoFormat kicks in, causing your car to automatically turn right at every intersection. You manage to get rid of that, but now every time you try to turn left the steering wheel is AutoCorrect'ed to the right.
You finally just let the car drive you wherever while you listen to MSN radio. You don't get where you wanted to go, but at least you didn't crash.
Sigh, where to begin?
First I'd like to point out to the OP that it was recently MAY first, NOT April first.
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- A vehicle may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
- A vehicle must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
- A vehicle must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Apologies to Mr. Asimov.I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent. - Q
The unity of Slashdotters above is quite beautiful. I've never seen anything quite like it, where an entire discussion can be moderated redundant once and be completely correct. It is the most amazing thing to have happened since user #1 signed on...to be honest, it brings a tear to my eye.
-- Microsoft is the most expensive commodity operating system and office suite vendor in the marketplace.
KITT: It sounds like you're trying to jump over a construction site. Would you like help?
Michael: Yes! Turbo Boost now!
KITT: There's a grammatical error in that --
Michael: You bastard!
*crash*
A few hours later, in the Knight Travelling Truck...
Michael: Bonnie, KITT has something wrong with him. When I asked him to Turbo Boost, he kept asking for confirmation, and then said that I talked funny.
Bonnie: No problem, let me look under the hood. (pulls vainly on hood) KITT, open up.
KITT: No, Bonnie, you are not authorized to look at my internals.
Bonnie: Devon, what is this crap?! What's going on?
Devon: Oh, we signed a contract with Microsoft for them to provide us with software updates. After all, the Knight Foundation can't afford as many programmers as Microsoft can.
Bonnie: But Devon, I'm the only programmer who ever worked on KITT!
Devon: But look, Bonnie, KITT can now play all these MP3's. Watch. KITT, play "Knight Rider TV Theme Song."
KITT: No, Devon. "Knight Rider TV Theme Song" is owned by Universal Studios. You do not have the right to play that song.
Devon: Bloody hell. KITT, play "Knight Rider 2010 Theme Song".
KITT: No, Devon. "Knight Rider 2010" sucked.
Devon: What cheek! You little wanker!
KITT: It sounds like you're trying to view pr0n. Would you like help?
Michael: See? See?
--Rob
Towards the Singularity.
Have you ever tried strapping anything to a cat?!?!
nah, the question is:
"where do you want to go today"?
Oldie, but goodie ;-)!
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10..... You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
My lame blog.
(Weiner dog.) Ooo ... I'm gonna get shit at home. :-)
MSBPodcast.com The opinions expressed here are my own. If you don't like 'em... Think up your own stuff.
So your car is going to automagically apply the breaks every time you pass any pedestrians or cars because that person could theoretically jump in front of you? Sounds like a lot of slow driving on any inner-city streets.
Ford now stands for Fix Or Reboot Daily.
In other news, Bill Gates predicts that in 10 years, cars won't need more than 640K of RAM.
1. A robot must be operated with exclusively MS code.
2. A robot must obey orders given by permission of Bill Gates and his minions and no one else.
3. A robot must arrest any person or machine that attempts to force it to break the first or second law.
"Lack of technical competence coupled with the arrogance of power, as usual, leads to no good end."
And BTW the cars will still crash, its just that thell be adding alt-ctrl-del buttons to the car
...and you'll have to restart every time you change drivers..
"I've got more toys than Teruhisa Kitahara."