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The Onion in 2056
agonist writes "Has anyone seen The Onion in 2056? I accidentally ran across it after clicking on one of the hyperlinks in my weekly Onion email." It's been awhile since we link The Onion. Always good for numerous laughs.
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if that's what awaits me in 2056, I'll think I'll stay here thanks
There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
The Onion is my Wendesday morning coffee break reading. . . and you slashdotted it. That's just plain old wrong.
You better watch out, there may be dogs about . .
Satire.... meant to be funny.... not to predict future accurately....????
The Crimson Dragon
Ever wonder what Slashdot will look like in 2056? My guess is that it will look pretty much like it does today. In fact, given the increase in the number of reposts, it will probably look exactly like it does today :)
That is part of the page's joke; that is the future: web pages riddled with popups, ActiveX errors, and other glitches. Totally unlike what we have now. Oh wait....
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
In 50 years I plan to take my news in some sort of pill form. All the benifits of an RSS feed with a fruit(possibly onion) aftertaste.
You make fun of France once and your Karma is never the same...
I hit the link and saw a veritible wallpaper of Flash click-to-play icons. I laughed for a moment, and then realized that *wasn't* the joke.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
No headlines on Duke Nukem Forever's planned release in 2057 either... /me ducks
They are still making crappy Flash site in HTML 4.01 Transitional in 2056? Well that's still better than the HTML 3.2 of Slashdot in 2187.
If Microsoft was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
I think they need to upgrade their TiFi connection. It could be a lot faster, if those time cops did not restrict bandwidth in the name of "safety". Too much chroniton particle contentration, and next thing you know it's velociraptors popping up in your shower.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
These Onion people will never gain credibility as a news organisation if they cannot do more credible forecasting. Perhaps they should recruit that Dvorak gentleman.
(Above irony aside, if you read one of the Onion books, they have an issue from 2000, post election. The have a humorous forecast of the what the Bush presidency will bring which is eerily prophetic - "atleast one Desert Storm sized war", recessione etc.)
${YEAR+1} is going to be the year of Linux on the desktop!
50 years from now it's going to be pretty much like it is now with a few more conveniences, but we aren't going to see a wholesale change in the world as is frequently supposed by so-called futurists.
Global warming, pollution, shifting global powerbalance (china and India establishing as major world powers!), massmigration, falling birth numbers in the western world,...
I'd say, in fifty years I'll still be working to get some money on the table while our asian overlords decide which kind of rice we should eat the day after that. What I am saying: the western world is already over it's top. We shouldn't be surprised to wake up one day and notice that we aren't the center of the world (anymore).
It's been awhile since we link The Onion.
The Onion's ad revenue love you long time.
Sure, since 50 years ago (1955), it was pretty much like it is today...well, except for the Internet, the Cold War and Globalization
Globalization has been happening for several hundred years. Start with China's and Spain's silver trade for one. Nothing new, just no one noticed it until recently.
Fly me to the moon Let me sing among those stars Let me see what spring is like On jupiter and mars
The Globalisation was already happening then. Had been for centuries, actually. The difference being that back then, it was called colonisation (or Imperialism, if you may). The Cold War? Yeah, is if the world today is much different. The Internet? That might be the biggest news of these three. But it hasn't made the world that much different (neither will hovercars). Mutants? World peace? No change of this scale is ever going to take place in just 50 years.
Man is a slave because freedom is difficult, whereas slavery is easy.
In the future, you will not be able to go outside without Flash-enabled glasses. All of the road signs, billboards, books, and even pavement markings will be in Flash. You just won't see a thing unless you pay for properly licensed flash-specs.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
Because history is speeding up rapidly. Because the US and Russia have only been superpowers since the end of World War II (61 years ago), and since then, one of the superpowers has fallen. Because in the past 150 years, Japan has gone from complete and utter isolation to having nuclear weapons dropped on them to becoming a primary supplier or advanced electronics and automobiles and is now losing marketshare to India, China, and South Korea. Shit changes fast.
Since I'm running Debian and Flash is not installed I was refreshing the page for like 5 minutes (while reading slashdot in the other tab) before I realized that the top of the page was simply made out of interlaced flash animations which would not load. I had to scroll down 3/4 of the page to actually see anything remotely readable.
So let me guess - in 50 years everyone will be having a T3 line or some fiberoptic monstrocity so people wont even bother with HTML and make pages entirely in flash? You know - so that you can't adblock or greasemonkey out the advertisments? Yeah, right...
On the other hand, with the way things are going now it's not so far fetched as it might sound. By that I of course mean the abandonment of HTML for something flash like - not the T3 in every house. Imagine this this - in 50 years we will have to watch a full screen, un-skipable comercial in order to get to slashdot - and then another one to read the comments. That's what I call progress!
I'm teminally incoherent
One story they missed, though, is that even in 2056, some slashdot geeks still don't have a sense of humor.
Fer chrissakes... so it's in Flash... turn off flashblocker for 5 friggin' minutes and read some of the stories... they're quite good.
You'd think that by 2056, we'd have come up with a real name for ununhexium :)
51 years or technological advances and you can still kill a website.
I can literally hear my computer huffing and puffing to keep up with this page, because the temperature-controlled fan turned on as they rendered.
Maybe it's time for them to link engrish.com, for enriching time, make you happy shine adequate fun?
Go easy on him, guys. I read in the Onion that Dancin Santa doesn't learn the concept of satire until 2033.
Modern copyright is theft of culture from everyone and it retards the progress of the useful arts and sciences.
"This will be the year of the Linux breakthrough on the desktop"
Ahhh, I remember the good old days of...
:(
"Russian Scientists aboard Mir conduct experiment on effects of terror in space."
and
"Area man confused by buffet procedure."
Sure a little politics is humorous, and the American Civil War (Bush/Gore 2000) and Holy Fucking Shit: America at War was really really great. But now every single time it's: "Bush is an idiot, hee hee, Iraq whatever, blah blah blah." Yeah, we get it already.
Haven't read it in over a year... just died out of my rotation naturally...
"Semi-People" Magazine features "50 Hottest Mutant Bachelors"... ...classic.
Those wacky humanoids.
I might know what I'm talkin' about, but then again, this is Slashdot...
you'd think the million robot march would have had 1,048,576 robots, not 1,000,000
"We are not tolerant people. We prefer drastically effective solutions"
Well they wouldn't have to use so much flash if browsers would universally just start supporting the blink tag again... ;) At least we can see that it's not returned by 2056
God is it ever funny to see geeks fume about the existence of animation on the internet. If it's not static 9pt courier, it's wasting our time! blah blah blah.
digital artist, 3D animator, web designer, and otherwise technological creative type....
They must be running a quantum webserver - one way to beat the /. effect, post stories 50 years early, by the time anyone needs to read it, there is a torrent available, a coral cache, and 250 karma-whores pasting the content/mirror on the posts :-)
:-)
Preemtpive slashdot cacheing?
On the front of the actual article, I laughed, the use of flash actually gave is a 2002 look, but lets pretend it was futuristic!
My fav by a hair was:
Menstruation cured!
At last...
#hostfile 0.0.0.0 primidi.com 0.0.0.0 www.primidi.com 0.0.0.0 radio.weblogs.com
It's been awhile since we link The Onion.
Perhaps that word simply doesn't mean what I think it means.
"We need a fourth law of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife"
Classic.
"We need a fourth law of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife"
Any time they quote a price, it's given in Yuan - which is not a bad bet. :-)
The era of a dollar-dominated world is ending.
"The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern." - Lord Acton
An archived copy. I don't see why it's so offensive. God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule is particularly good.
SEATTLE--Seattle Mayor Frances Bean Cobain-Osment issued a call for the emergency deforestation of the Pacific Northwest Monday. "Please, major logging companies, I beg you, send any spare sawmilling, pulping, or chipping equipment you have as soon as possible," said Cobain-Osment, invisible within the branches and overgrowth on the steps of City Hall. "We cannot fight off the encroaching trees and spotted owls any longer." The mayor's message concluded with a spirited condemnation of 2001's controversial Healthy Forests Initiative.
For one thing, while it is true that Seattle, Portland, Vancouver BC, and San Francisco will secede and form Ecotopia (which is why the rest of the USA will be defenseless to the Middle East (related Onion story), since we have most of the military assets), she won't be elected mayor.
To be elected Mayor in Seattle you have to be comfortable wearing plaid, and I'm afraid her mother spoiled her too much on that account, so Guchi doesn't work here.
Unless she hires an Aura Consultant and redoes her colors.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
If you read the ads, you might notice some things never change:
* 5X Faster Dial-Up- only $7.95/month
* Get 12 CDs for the price of 1 - from BMG!
Which leads me to think that the Onion is perfectly well aware of the issue...
I stole this sig from someone cleverer than me.
I suggested this to them (as a companion piece to The Onion in History) like two years ago, but am I seeing any royalty checks? Noooooo...