The Onion in 2056

agonist writes "Has anyone seen The Onion in 2056? I accidentally ran across it after clicking on one of the hyperlinks in my weekly Onion email." It's been awhile since we link The Onion. Always good for numerous laughs.

Comments

Click here to download plugin

[DrSkwid]

if that's what awaits me in 2056, I'll think I'll stay here thanks

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Trigun]

Well, that just means Jeb Bush doesn't get voted as president. The fact that there's still a middle east in 2056 proves that.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[popeyethesailor]

That may be, I'm afraid you are still in 1994. Its June 2005, please adjust your clock.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[bsgk]

That'll be about $2.00 for the Swear Jar.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[PeterPumpkin]

You can always hit up the text version.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[tomstdenis]

The question is whether they need the tool and is it appropriate?

If all it was, was static images and the sort then simple PNG and text would have sufficed and they would hit a larger audience.

Now because I can't see the joke and their site bothers me I'll never come back. No ad revenue from this visitor.

Tom

Re:Click here to download plugin

[tomhudson]

Did you even COUNT the number of flash thingees (easy to do when you've got them blocked)?

22 flash items. 22 . fucking . flash . items.

The article should have come with a warning:

if (FLASH_BLOCKED)
printf("nothing to see here ... move along\n");

Besides, I seriously doubt people will be running Flash 7 (or ANY version of flash) in 2056.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[SlamMan]

When IE handles PNGs properly, maybe people'll start to use it more (alpha channel, what alpha channel?)

Re:Click here to download plugin

[encyclo]

For those entirely missing the point, the problem is the old maxim that over time the usefulness of proprietary software (and also proprietary plugins) drops inexorably to zero.

A simple example - I'm running a 64-bit version of Firefox on Linux. There is no Flash plugin available for this platform, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it because only Macromedia make the plugins (yes, I know you could reverse-engineer the thing...)

So, I can't see the content, now in 2005. What will it be like in 2056? What are the chances of Macromedia still producing a plugin or supporting a 60 year-old technology? Flash content has an unknown lifespan completely out of your control.

HTML is an open standard. There are free programs available now which can parse it. When you use HTML you can be sure that in the future there is a very good chance of it still being accessible because even if the standard falls into disuse you can still go back and read the open spec and recompile / reuse the free code out there.

Flash in 2056? It's true irony...

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Matey-O]

Take heart. They're really only upsetting you and about four other Sleshdot viewers. Everybody else doesn't care.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[trick-knee]

> Flash in 2056? It's true irony...

I actually took this to be part of the joke. web content out of control, contributing to the hellishness of dystopia.

more accurately, I didn't take it as a direct slam on Flash, but rather a statement on how we seem to move toward complexity instead of simplicity. (cell phones are a good example.)

gadgets gone wild, you know.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Le Marteau]

Pipe Wrench?

Re:Click here to download plugin

[potHead42]

The nice thing about reverse-engineering is that only one person has to do it: http://www.schleef.org/swfdec/

Re:Click here to download plugin

[chrisnewbie]

You wont need a plugin

it's going to be a jack behind your ear!
Everybody knows that!

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Stick_Fig]

Dude, Flash has over 90% of the audience. It's as heavily-used as PDF and comes standard with most web browsers. If you can't view a page with Flash on it, that's your fault for not spending five minutes to download it.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Stick_Fig]

Exactly. SOMEONE gets it.

Why do we need some voice telling us the name of the article when we can read it ourselves?

But instead of being willing to understand it, we have a few lonely holdouts who don't want to touch Flash with a 5-meg pole, which is all it takes to download it.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[martalli]

Even most linux users can install flash if they take the time, however you might take heart that the site might end up getting slashdotted from the interest...

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Noaccess0]

Finally a practical use of D-Wave's Quantum Computer.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[XPisthenewNT]

"Click to Play" It puts a little play button where the flashy is. If you don't want to view the flash, you don't clicky the play button.

Don't know where to get it off hand, quick google search yielded some kids blog which may or may not help.

Click to View

Re:Click here to download plugin

[tomhudson]

Installing the plugin for firefox/linux is just a matter of clicking on the icon that says "install flash plugin" when you go to a site with flash content.

Most of us also install flashblock because most flash content sucks.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[VivianC]

Dude, Flash has over 90% of the audience. It's as heavily-used as PDF and comes standard with most web browsers. If you can't view a page with Flash on it, that's your fault for not spending five minutes to download it.

Unless, of course, you are running a 64-bit version of the browser on SuSE 9.3 or Windows XP-64. Of course, I don't really miss the flash that much except for the games.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[twoshortplanks]

Um, last time I checked Flash (the SWF format) was an open standard.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[BeerCur]

It's called flashblock
http://flashblock.mozdev.org/

Very handy program for Firefox

~Matthew

Re:Click here to download plugin

[podperson]

Flash is proprietary but the file format is open and well-documented and last time I checked there was an open source clone under development...

Given the truly staggering amount of Flash content out there, the idea that some kind of support for it won't exist in 2056 is daft. It may be running under 15 layers of emulation ... but who cares?

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Frit Mock]

You mean 90% of all usages of flash is ads ... that's why I didn't bother downloading that fucking plugin.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[SamSim]

If you're using FlashBlock for Firefox like I am, it's possible to whitelist sites if you go in your Extensions settings.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[tylernt]

"I'm running a 64-bit version of Firefox on Linux. There is no Flash plugin available for this platform"

I thought the whole point of AMD's x86_64 platform was that it was totally backwards compatible with 32-bit code. Is this not the case?

Re:Click here to download plugin

[Tojo-Mojo]

Any libraries the binary links with need to be in 32 bit format. Essentially, you need to maintain two installs of your distro, a 64 bit install, and a 32 bit install. It can get a bit complicated, or you can just do stuff like install a whole 32 bit distro to a big chroot and run stuff there.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[tylernt]

What a pain! In that case I think I'll stick to 32-bit CPUs unless I'm doing something that really, really needs 64-bit. Which I'm not.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[cp.tar]

You wont need a plugin

it's going to be a jack behind your ear!

Well, if a jack behind your ear isn't a plug-in, I really don't know what is.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[drsquare]

Unfortuanately, Flash often crashes Firefox. It just freezes up.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[joer4]

I lay awake at night worrying that Daewoo will stop making bags for my vacuum cleaner

Re:Click here to download plugin

[chrisnewbie]

plug-in for software and plugin behind your ear is totally different.....read the full dialog before posting comment that gets us nowhere.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[rastachops]

It does handle PNGs properly, they just chose not to implement the optional alpha channel stuff.

Re:Click here to download plugin

[cp.tar]

Your sarcasm detector may be broken!!!
Your brain may be at risk of bloody literal-mindedness!!!

Click here to check your brain online!!!

What.

[dankasfuk]

..no headlines on how Slashdot is now solely responsible for generating tech revenue?

Re:What.

[Zone-MR]

No headlines on Duke Nukem Forever's planned release in 2057 either... /me ducks

Thanks a lot, jerks

[BitterAndDrunk]

The Onion is my Wendesday morning coffee break reading. . . and you slashdotted it. That's just plain old wrong.

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[Seumas]

The Onion is kind of like Saturday Night Live. Hilarious for the first season and crap ever since.

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[tehshen]

Not to mention this'll be duped in 51 years' time

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[Threni]

Once you've read it a while you sort of understand and memorize the formula. You see the headline and it's like a seed, and grows into the full story in your head. Seeing someone elses realization becomes progressively less rewarding. Now I go there once a year to remind myself why I don't go there more often.

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[uttaddmb]

You can tell that the Onion's editors agree, since they have all those "News in Brief" stories and loose headlines. That's why sites like the Ironic Times just post headlines.

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[SuperBigGulp]

Have you even seen the current edition? Fair to say it is a bit of a departure from their standard format, and IMHO is hilarious on so many levels. In many ways a biting sarcasm of where we are (okay, might be) headed given policies of the current US administration.

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[Anonymous Coward]

So you've been reading The Onion since the "first season" then? You realize that was in 1988, right? You're from Madison, you went to the UW and have been around since the beginning, huh? And that's when they reached their peak?

Or maybe you meant 1996, when the website launched? And your contention is that everything from '97 on is shit, huh? Maybe you should read through their archives and think about that.

The Onion can be uneven, sure, but that's what happens when you take chances with your comedy. Sometimes things fall flat or perhaps more accurately, not everything connects on a comedic level with everyone. It's possible being from the midwest or having grown up in Wisconsin would help you connect with some of the comedy. Or, ever since they've moved to NYC, I've noticed some of their jokes are more directed at people there, so it'd help if you lived there.

Just because you don't find a particular joke hilarious, doesn't mean that there isn't a group of people out there who do. Never underestimate the hilarity of The Onion, even if you aren't in on the joke. /grew up in WI, moved to NYC, thinks the Onion is hilarious.

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[BeeShoo]

The original creators/writers of the Onion sold it off a long time ago. The guy who started it all is now the publisher of The Stranger ( http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Home/ ), a highly regarded, alternative newspaper for the Seattle area. (He's the brother of a very good friend of mine)

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[acereraser]

I live here in Madison currently, and to me, the Onion, like chocolate chip cookies and Margaritas on the rocks with fresh lime juice, is a pure good. They are the best at what they do; if it was different, it would be something else, and it would of course be criticized for being derivative. Sure, sometimes the phone rings and the cookies get a little overdone, and likewise, sometimes the Onion reruns articles and just isn't jampacked with comedy gold like those issues you remember. But taking broad general shots at it is pretty ineffective, and does nothing for you personal appearance. I have encountered people here in Madison that, when the Onion comes up in conversation, like to tell you they don't think it is teh awsum, because I guess it makes them feel cooler-than-thou. The best is when those comments are immediately followed by dropping the names of various friends that work for the Onion.

The AV Club interviews are predictably fascinating and informative, the media reviews are cynically truthful, and I'd wager that most everyone can find at least one thing on the front page alone that will make them chuckle (I just wondered if maybe it comes across as more funny if you read the paper version like I do?).

Anyway, so what do you want for nothin'? Rubber Biscuit!

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[Council]

And check out A Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man; one of the authors is Kent Robterts, an Onion contributor and editor of this online magazine called Kent which I haven't checked out.

This is honestly the funniest book I've ever seen, and I love dry humor, clever humor, The Onion, Dan Hertzfeldt, and I grew up on Calvin and Hobbes. If you like all that stuff, check out this book. Seriously.

There's no way to describe the humor, but it's very Onion-like. Self-aware and never quite hitting where you expect (unlike, in many cases, the onion itself).

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[T-Ranger]

SNL is a lot like /. ... You seem to remember that it once diddnt suck, but after careful reflection you realise it has always sucked. But yet, we come back for more. And more.

Re:Thanks a lot, jerks

[jc42]

So you've been reading The Onion since the "first season" then? You realize that was in 1988, right? You're from Madison, you went to the UW and have been around since the beginning, huh?

There are a number of us here who have read it from the beginning. In my case, I did go to the UW. But I left town in 1978. The reason that I read the Onion from the start was that my daughter was at the UW in 1988, and she was a staff photographer for the Onion. She sent me a free subscription. Everyone I knew loved it, and was duly impressed by my having a kid on the Onion staff.

One of her main jobs was the Drunk of the Week, which sadly didn't make it to the web site. She and a few others would tour State Street on Friday and Saturday nights, looking for the most disgusting drunk they could find. They'd take pictures, give the drunk a free Onion t-shirt, and publish the best picture in the next issue. "It's a nasty job, but someone's gotta do it." "What I do for a bit of comedy!" And so on.

I think anyone with half a brain understands that such an operation can't always be 100% on. But they hit the target often enough to qualify as a major training ground for our future comedy writers.

It is too bad that not all of their earlier stuff is online. I've often wished I'd saved several articles. For example, the one after the big New Guinea tsunami some years back. They interviewed God, who told them that He had His reasons for all those innocent deaths; humans would never understand; we shouldn't presume to question Him. They also quoted believers, who were sure that God had His reasons, though we don't understand them. I keep running across things so similar to this that it no longer seems like parody to me. Sure wish I could find a copy ...

At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Dancin_Santa]

But why do people think that 50 years from now is going to be so significantly different from now? The Middle East is now a peaceful group of countries? Hovercars? Actors are now mutants and considered attractive?

50 years from now it's going to be pretty much like it is now with a few more conveniences, but we aren't going to see a wholesale change in the world as is frequently supposed by so-called futurists.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Crimson Dragon]

Satire.... meant to be funny.... not to predict future accurately....????

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[smittyoneeach]

Anchower is #2 for me.
Herbert Kornfeld is teh d00d.
Now, wouldn't they make a great presidential ticket?
Can't devolve much from where we are now...

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[myukew]

how was the world 50 years ago? much the same, yet completely different.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[dukerobillard]

Sure, since 50 years ago (1955), it was pretty much like it is today...well, except for the Internet, the Cold War and Globalization.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Netsensei]

50 years from now it's going to be pretty much like it is now with a few more conveniences, but we aren't going to see a wholesale change in the world as is frequently supposed by so-called futurists.

Global warming, pollution, shifting global powerbalance (china and India establishing as major world powers!), massmigration, falling birth numbers in the western world,...

I'd say, in fifty years I'll still be working to get some money on the table while our asian overlords decide which kind of rice we should eat the day after that. What I am saying: the western world is already over it's top. We shouldn't be surprised to wake up one day and notice that we aren't the center of the world (anymore).

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Ironsides]

Sure, since 50 years ago (1955), it was pretty much like it is today...well, except for the Internet, the Cold War and Globalization

Globalization has been happening for several hundred years. Start with China's and Spain's silver trade for one. Nothing new, just no one noticed it until recently.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[kaleco]

Cut them some loose, it's a light-hearted joke, not a prediction.

I agree with you that in 50 years, things will probably be quite similar to how they are today, but it cannot be taken for granted, as many who tried to predict the future in 1905 discovered.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[daniil]

The Globalisation was already happening then. Had been for centuries, actually. The difference being that back then, it was called colonisation (or Imperialism, if you may). The Cold War? Yeah, is if the world today is much different. The Internet? That might be the biggest news of these three. But it hasn't made the world that much different (neither will hovercars). Mutants? World peace? No change of this scale is ever going to take place in just 50 years.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[interiot]

Because history is speeding up rapidly. Because the US and Russia have only been superpowers since the end of World War II (61 years ago), and since then, one of the superpowers has fallen. Because in the past 150 years, Japan has gone from complete and utter isolation to having nuclear weapons dropped on them to becoming a primary supplier or advanced electronics and automobiles and is now losing marketshare to India, China, and South Korea. Shit changes fast.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[KillQuentin]

Jeez man, lighten up.
"Onion appears to contain non-truthful statements, my fellow droids. Do not trust it as a data source".

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[ivano]

me don't think so. in 50 years time robots will create a slave(-like) economy (cheap labor for those that can afford it). With a good dose of super-high unemployment (think 50%), possible severe climate change and the fact that we might not have any cheap power generation. me thinks it might not be pretty. OR. Governments suddenly become people empowered. Wealth is redistrubuted. Medical advances make us live as though we're 20 years of age for 200 years.

Or all of the above aith lots that we haven't thought of...or none of them

Ciao

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[rbarreira]

Have you ever heard of exponential technological evolution?

Well, our amazement factor with new technology could be logarithmic too in order to compensate, but I don't think so :)

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Dasher42]

Dude. Don't jinx it!

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[tobe]

Mid-state accounts receevable in da house..

But I kinda like Smoove too.. and then I will fuck you like a wildebeast.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[ivano]

correct and here is the link

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[southpolesammy]

Hell, in 50 years, I'll be 84. I seriously doubt I'll really be caring much about The Onion, Slashdot, HTML/Flash rendering, or other highly technical issues like those.

At that point, if I can remember not to piss in my pants, that'll be a good day.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[daniil]

Things have most certainly changed. For one, the world's no longer black and white -- we can all see everything in colour now :p

Seriously, though, changes don't happen at as fast a pace as you may believe that they do. Especially when they concern the whole society (or the whole bloody world). The English still don't get along with the French too well, just like they haven't gotten along ever since when. Not even the Channel Tunnel has changed that. They will still not be getting along 50 years from now -- and neither will there be peace in the Middle East (unless the whole place is levelled).

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[unitron]

Apparently being humorous and accurately predicting the future aren't the least bit mutually exclusive. :-(

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[smittyoneeach]

Well, Smoove B. is an obvious Secretary of State.
And I think Jean Teasdale would do for Attorney General.
Really gotta resurrect ol' T. Herman Zwiebel himself for Secretary of Defense, though.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[LnxAddct]

That was satire over at the Onion and meant to exaggerate, but regardless, please go back 50 years from now and tell people that we'll regularyl be visiting space, infact building core communication infastructures orbiting earth. Tell them that the entire world would be connected instantaneously and that machines are going to start interacting with humans and are in the early stages of understanding speech and visual recognition (ASIMO). Tell them that just by pressing a few keys on a little box that you'll be able to search for just about anything you want in the world and get that information returned to you in a second. Or how about my favorite, tell them they'll be able to fit tens of thousands of songs in their pocket and be able to listen to them anywhere they want. The world is changing and very rapidly, your just a part of it so you don't necessarily realize it. Step back and take an objective view of it all. It might not be as futuristci and glamorous as many in the past have predicted, but its damn cool. Now we're on the verge of being able to grow people replacement organs and using nanobots to do everything from cure diseases to building structures. The really cool part is that intelligence and technology tend to grow exponentially with a civilization. Ideally, we've achieved as much in the past 100 years, as we did in the previous 1000, and ideally over the next few decades we'll have more then doubled the great acheivements of the 20th century.
Regarding,
Steve

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[cashman73]

I don't know about you, but that cover photo from Semi-People magazine with the 50 hottest mutant bachelors,... It doesn't look very futuristic at all! To me, it just looks like Michael Jackson! ;-)

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[geoffspear]

You regularly visit space?

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Jose-S]

It's bound to be as different as today compared to 1956, more or less. Pretty interesting changes have occurred, although not ridiculous nor predictable.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[borawjm]

Globalization has been happening for several hundred years. Start with China's and Spain's silver trade for one. Nothing new, just no one noticed it until recently

Perhaps he means Glocalization?

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[smallguy78]

I wouldn't 1600s silver trade in the same league as taylorism,fordism and mcdonaldization (which have relied upon electricity and the petrol engine). Silver trade is hardly homogenization, what most people would describe as the main pitfall of globalization.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[HooliganIntellectual]

Globalization has NOT been happening for hundreds of years. Globalization is part of neoliberalism, which is a recent process of international capitalism whereby free trade agreements and development aid are used to make the transfer of resources and wealth from poor countries to rich one easier.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[dominion]

and neither will there be peace in the Middle East (unless the whole place is levelled).

Funny, because my parents told me people said the same thing about Europe during World War II: "There will never be peace in Europe, these people have been fueding for a thousand years."

There are no absolutes. Making a statement like that is like saying that the US Empire will exist in 50 years. It most probably will not.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[daniil]

"There will never be peace in Europe, these people have been feuding for a thousand years."

And they still are. Just because they're not flinging stones (or bombs) at each other it doesn't mean that they're one big happy family (no matter how much they pretend to be one).

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[frankvl]

Except for the depletion of affordable energy of course

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[robertjw]

Sure, since 50 years ago (1955), it was pretty much like it is today...well, except for the Internet, the Cold War and Globalization.

Not sure your examples are the greatest, except the Internet, but let's look at some comparisons.

1955 - Most people didn't have a TV, if they did it was Black & White and tiny.

Today - Most people have at LEAST a 27" color TV, many people have something bigger. I'm sure a huge flat screen would blow somebody's mind from 1955 - not to mention the 150+ channels.

1955 - Many people didn't have a phone, many of those that did had party lines. Most(if not all) calls were connected by an operator.

Today - Not only does EVERYONE have a phone, most people have cell phones. Not only can we communicate, we can talk to anyone - anytime - anywhere.

1955 - There was no such thing as an Interstate Highway (the Interstate Highway Act was passed in 1956). People didn't drive much, definitely didn't commute 50-100 miles every day.

Today - Now millions of people clog four lane or six lane highways every day. Not exactly hovercars, but our 1955 residents would have not concept.

These changes are all relatively small, but you add them up and they are significant. I could name many others, construction (go visit a house built in the 50s and compare with a new house for size, features, design), finance (credit cards didn't even exist in the 50s), government, military technology, entertainment, photography. A lot has changed in 50 years.

The most amazing thing to me is how writers from 50 years ago were so way off. I love the old pulp scifi novels, but no one (that I've read) from that era anticipated computers. All of the stories have some kind of faster than light propulsion, but it takes some kind of genius with a slide rule to plot the course, or the computers they have use punch cards, or something along those lines. It's like they could see mechanical improvments much easier than changes in electronics. Personally I wonder what will happen in the next 50 years that we have NO idea of right now.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[soft_guy]

Look at Bosnia. The main difference is they haven't been able to drag the french, british, germans, and russians into their war on different sides.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Uber Banker]

Globalization has NOT been happening for hundreds of years.

Globalisation? Would you define that as the specialism of industries/expertise in certain countries resulting in necessary trade?
So what about industrial/textile production in the US 100 years ago?
What about the importing of labor from Asia in the US 200 years ago?
What about the European colonisation and use of Africa/India 400 years ago?
What about the concentration of plate/cup production in East Asia 1000 years+ ago?
What about the spice road 2000 years ago?

I recommend you read this about golbalisation since 3500BC.

a recent process of international capitalism whereby free trade agreements and development aid are used to make the transfer of resources and wealth from poor countries to rich one easier

Eh? I think you're mixing 2 important concepts here together:

1. Truely Free Trade Where a poor country can sell something to anyone in the world, thus generating income for themselves. They have a competitive advantage (for highly labor intensive products) as they can sell cheaper than western counterparts, generating income for their country. What would you rather they do? Live a subsistence lifestyle as a farmer and die at 35, or generate a better future through economic growth?

2. Non-free Trade As long as there is trade it will be free or non-free. Non free trade includes countries imposing tariffs, corruption of import/export laws. The European and US subsidies to farmers are the greatest example to this: where an income stream (and way to develop) could be given to a 3rd world farmer, Western governments subsidise their farms and tax imports. Lets be clear, this is denial of free trade, the opposite of free trade.

I'd be interested if you could explain you arguments on why free trade is detrimental, opposed to non-free trade which results in denial of wealth to pooper countries at richer countries expense (remember in rich countries its a redistribution of income that subsidises non-free trade, if wealth was not redistributed productivity would increase as cheaper produce benefitted the 3rd world AND 1st world consumers who would have more spare money to spend/invest in other areas).

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Ironsides]

The European and US subsidies to farmers are the greatest example to this: where an income stream (and way to develop) could be given to a 3rd world farmer, Western governments subsidise their farms and tax imports.

Farming is one place where any country must be encouraged (even at the price of subsidies) to be completely elf sufficient. More from a security point of view than anything else. In times of war, you really don't want to have to worry about trade routes. In case someone else has a famine/flood/drought, you don't want your country to lost it's supply of food.

There are a few other areas countries (any and all) should be completely self sufficient in for various reasons. However, that is the main one.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[soft_guy]

I seriously doubt I'll really be caring much about The Onion, Slashdot, HTML/Flash rendering, or other highly technical issues like those.

Yeah, the Onion is real technical.

Re:At least Jim Anchower is still there

[Mr. Slippery]

Globalisation? Would you define that as the specialism of industries/expertise in certain countries resulting in necessary trade?

No, I wouldn't. I'd define it as the expansion, partly by means of political duress, of industrial corporate capitalism. It is not a free-trade phenomenon - no activity involving multi-national corporations can be, since the issuance of corporate charaters is a state intervention into the marketplace.

What would you rather they do? Live a subsistence lifestyle as a farmer and die at 35, or generate a better future through economic growth?

Economic growth would be great. But economic growth doesn't mean building a factory owned by a foreign corporation - it mean building your own locally-owned businesses.

Non-free Trade As long as there is trade it will be free or non-free. Non free trade includes countries imposing tariffs, corruption of import/export laws.

Free markets / free trade require that buyers and sellers meet in the marketplace with roughly equal power. Thanks to the legacies of imperialism, that is not the case with the current move towards "globalization", where multi-national corporations (chartered by the governments of those former colonial powers) exploit the people and resources of "third world" nations.

In that sense, I suppose you're correct that it's nothing new - just colonialism in new bottles.

Slow.

[theantipop]

For a site 50 years in the future, it sure does load slow. Good to see some things won't change. On second thought, maybe it takes some time to pipe that data in the past 50 years...

Re:Slow.

[amnesiacdotorg]

The bottleneck is here in 2005 . You should be more understanding of what it takes to pipe information from fifty years in the future !

Re:Slow.

[daniil]

Haven't you heard? The Internet only has two years left before it will collapse under its own weight. 50 years from now, they will be using pigeons to transfer packets! No wonder that it's so slow then.

Re:Slow.

[JetTredmont]

Not slow. Just inaccurate aiming of the tachyon beam.

They aimed for the exact moment you clicked, but ended up being off by several seconds. Damned unionized workforce! Can't count on them to aim a tachyon beam right!

Just count yourself lucky they were off in the future direction instead of the past! I hate it when sites beamed from the future come up on my browser hours before I ask for them! Especially the tri-boob fetish ones that come up while I'm at work!

Slashdot 2056

[eander315]

Ever wonder what Slashdot will look like in 2056? My guess is that it will look pretty much like it does today. In fact, given the increase in the number of reposts, it will probably look exactly like it does today :)

Re:Slashdot 2056

[lucabrasi999]

As long as it doesn't look like this, I'll be happy.

Re:Slashdot 2056

[RealityMogul]

In 2056, Slashdot Headlines Will Read:

* Google OS XVII Out (Still in Beta)
* Linked Content Caching System Finally Implemented
* Linux Torvalds sues Apple for Patent Infringement
* Microsoft Assets Being Auctioned
* Spam Has Decreased 0.3% since 2005

Re:Slashdot 2056

[slushbat]

This will be the year of linux on the desktop say the same pundits who have been wrong every year for the last 50

Re:Slashdot 2056

[kwatz]

Don't forget "The Onion in 2056".

Re:Slashdot 2056

[nherm]

I wonder if there will be slashdot after all

:)

Re:Slashdot 2056

[Linker3000]

* With the developments in cosmetic/vanity genetic engineering over the last 10 years, all males are now born with 9" penises and spammers have turned to advertising reduction pills and creams.

Re:Slashdot 2056

[nherm]

In A.D. 2056, slashdot was slashdotted.

CmdrTaco: What happen ?
Hemos: Somebody set up us the dupe.

Hemos: We get broken HTML.
CmdrTaco: What !
Hemos: Main page load on.
CmdrTaco: It's you !!

AC: How are you insensitive clods !!
AC: All your CowboyNeal are belong to us.
AC: You are on the way to slashdotting.
CmdrTaco: What you say !!
AC: You have no chance to mirrordot make your time.
AC: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....

Hemos: Captain !!
CmdrTaco: Take off every 'In Soviet Russia' joke!!
CmdrTaco: You know what you doing.
CmdrTaco: Move 'In Soviet Russia'.
CmdrTaco: For great +5 Funny.

(yep somebody is really bored at work...)

Re:Slashdot 2056

[jaypaulw]

*YRO:

How the Mandatory Free Hard Core Pr0n Everywhere Act(MFHCPEA) isn't going far enough.

Re:Slashdot 2056

[choas]

Dare I mention Duke Nukem Forever ?

Re:Slashdot 2056

[johnkoer]

What about:

President Jenna Bush invades Canada!

Re:Slashdot 2056

[Koiu Lpoi]

"RIAA: Not Dead Yet"

Re:Slashdot 2056

[superdan2k]

With a link over at BoingBoing to "The Onion in 2005"...highlighting the art in the ads.

Re:Slashdot 2056

[TripleE78]

And let's also not forget:

* Netcraft confirms BSD is dying.
* Mozilla Browser Now Called "Steve's Bakery" Due to Trademark Battle
* Star Wars Christmas Special UltraMega Gold Collector's Edition Released on MindDisc
* Disney/RIAA/MPAA Sue 13 Year Old for Watching Videos of the Mickey Mouse Club on archaic technology without a license

~EEE~

Re:Slashdot 2056

[Bob 4knee]

Longhorn, coming soon...

Re:Slashdot 2056

[TheoMurpse]

I think there will be a dupe entitled "The Onion in 2056" with a lot of /.ers bitching about "wtf mate this was posted in 2005! DUPE!!!"

And then someone will yell KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Re:Slashdot 2056

[TheoMurpse]

That was so funny that you literally made me cry.

Re:Slashdot 2056

[ehiris]

* Duke Nukem Forever to be released in December.

Re:Slashdot 2056

[elrous0]

Duke Nukem Forever to be released in December.

"Developers report that the game will be one of the exclusive launch titles for the new Phantom game console."

-Eric

Re:Slashdot 2056

[Raul Acevedo]

* Duke Nukem Forever in stores

Re:Slashdot 2056

[refactored]

Glad that was moderated as "Funny", the reality is more likely to be...

• Microsoft Google OS XI (Still in Beta) and buggier and slower than ever is the mono
• Effective internet baud rates are back 14.4kbaud as hostile peering practices, spam and worms ruin the 'net.
• Torvalds retires to a Finnish hunting lodge to avoid the roaming BSA droids out to get him.
• The Microsoft GM Time Warner 3M Aol Sony Amazon Google Thing is the world government.
• There is only spam, and reading it is compulsory.

Re:Slashdot 2056

[elgatozorbas]

DN Forever out soon...

Re:Slashdot 2056

[comet_11]

CmdrTaco: Take off every 'In Soviet Russia' joke!!
CmdrTaco: You know what you doing.

What you doing know you!

Re:"Stuff that matters"

[jasonmicron]

Because sometimes it is good to laugh with fellow nerds!

I on the other hand can't view the page in question as it is blocked by my company's proxy server (and virtually all online proxy sites are blocked as well). So make sure you laugh double for me.

Re:"Stuff that matters"

[bloggins02]

How is this kind of 'news' posting any better than reading forwarded emails from other nerds?

I'm thinking perhaps you've missed the purpose of Slashdot.

That is our future

[AtariAmarok]

That is part of the page's joke; that is the future: web pages riddled with popups, ActiveX errors, and other glitches. Totally unlike what we have now. Oh wait....

In the future...

[CorporateWhoremone]

In 50 years I plan to take my news in some sort of pill form. All the benifits of an RSS feed with a fruit(possibly onion) aftertaste.

Re:In the future...

[clintp]

Good news! It's a suppository!

Re:In the future...

[Noaccess0]

The way the media has been going, it will more likely be a suppository.

Re:In the future...

[Alsee]

a fruit(possibly onion)

Onion is a vegetable.

-

Hah, good one!

[BandwidthHog]

I hit the link and saw a veritible wallpaper of Flash click-to-play icons. I laughed for a moment, and then realized that *wasn't* the joke.

Re:Hah, good one!

[thm76]

Me too.

Re:Hah, good one!

[rherbert]

The most annoying thing is that I can't Ctrl-Click to open the articles I want to read in a new tab. Ahh, Mozilla, how you've gotten me addicted.

Re:Hah, good one!

[cavemanf16]

Yeah, me too, although I initially had a pretty much blank screen with TONS of "Adblock" tabs for all the flash images... which was fittingly funny for what webpages probably will look like... IN THE FUTURE!

Re:Hah, good one!

[jrumney]

What was really annoying was the ALT images that showed up in the background for a fraction of a second before the Flash icons replaced them. I'm almost tempted to send a request off to the FlashBlock authors to request that they overlay the flash icons over ALT blocks of the flash object. But then the other half of me considers that this is probably the only page I would want that, the main use of Flash being advertising.

Re:Hah, good one!

[BandwidthHog]

Something like a master click-to-play for the entire page or domain for the duration of the browsing session would be nice, though; it took about elevety six mouse clicks to show that full Onion page.

Re:Hah, good one!

[plover]

Middle-mouse-button click for me, but yeah, I'm there with you.

What was worse is that I've got flash-click-to-play, and had to click a couple dozen (f)'s to see the site in all its painful flashy glory.

But it was definitely worth it. That's one of their best efforts in a long time.

Re:Hah, good one!

[BandwidthHog]

As far as I'm concerned it's always a very good thing. Especially on my G3 iBook... displaying ads that are so CPU intensive on a battery powered machine means that I'm paying to see the site not only with my screen real estate, but with my run time as well. So if you think about it that way, FlashBlock enables me to view more ads!

Re:Hah, good one!

[mc_barron]

"Something like a master click-to-play for the entire page or domain for the duration of the browsing session would be nice..."

You probably know this, since you specifically said 'duration of browsing session', but entire domains can be added through this menu:
Tools -> Extensions -> FlashBlock -> Options

Re:Hah, good one!

[jrumney]

or even right click -> "allow flash from this domain" -> reload

Re:Hah, good one!

[AaronLawrence]

Or (with the latest flashblock) just right click on one of them, "allow flash on this site" and reload... Man, Flashblock rocks.

Flash

[RasendeRutje]

They are still making crappy Flash site in HTML 4.01 Transitional in 2056? Well that's still better than the HTML 3.2 of Slashdot in 2187.

Re:Flash

[Cheeze]

I see CryBaby 0.1 is still used, even today.

Re:Flash

[wild_berry]

Watch it, or I'll get my outsourced Indian GPL violators to write an iPod-killing Flash interface to Slashdot, beta test it on a Beowolf cluster of Soviet Russians (running Linux, of course), and then get my ancient Korean e-mail users to spam you about it.

Re:Flash

[LordEd]

Now, you may find this a bit hard to believe, but in order to show us what the future looks like using today's technology, they had to convert it to something we could actually see!

But if you want a real glimpse of the future, point your Information Resource Gathering Tool on your IPv12 network to IRGT://onion.news/index.vi (must support virtual info format; best seen with dual 3d screens).

Re:Flash

[RasendeRutje]

Goatse! You bastard! Very funny.

Re:Flash

[Captain Nitpick]

They are still making crappy Flash site in HTML 4.01 Transitional in 2056? Well that's still better than the HTML 3.2 of Slashdot in 2187.

You mean in 2187, Slashdot's HTML will actually meet a standard!?

Re:Flash

[overbom]

2005 called, they want their flamewar back. :)

I have a fix

[jasonmicron]

Remove the spyware on your machine ;)

Need up upgrade their TiFi connection.

[AtariAmarok]

"On second thought, maybe it takes some time to pipe that data in the past 50 years..."

I think they need to upgrade their TiFi connection. It could be a lot faster, if those time cops did not restrict bandwidth in the name of "safety". Too much chroniton particle contentration, and next thing you know it's velociraptors popping up in your shower.

Seems far fetched.

[dwalsh]

These Onion people will never gain credibility as a news organisation if they cannot do more credible forecasting. Perhaps they should recruit that Dvorak gentleman.

(Above irony aside, if you read one of the Onion books, they have an issue from 2000, post election. The have a humorous forecast of the what the Bush presidency will bring which is eerily prophetic - "atleast one Desert Storm sized war", recessione etc.)

Re:Seems far fetched.

[LarsWestergren]

Yeah, that one was great. Bush's inauguration speech: "Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over!"

Re:Seems far fetched.

[Gulthek]

That's not really surprising, everyone and their goats were predicting similar things. I remember being full of all kinds of dread when we elected the leader with golem eyes.

(Look back at the 2000 debates, Bush had a strange and disturbing twinkle in his eyes.)

Re:Seems far fetched.

[drew]

I think by late '99 everyone with an ounce of sense knew that a serious recession was on the way regardless of who won the next presidential election, so that one is certainly not all that 'prophetic'. The war probably wasn't that great a leap either, as the fact that Saddam still remained in power seemed to a lot of people to be a serious thorn in Bush Jr's side, even then.

Re:Seems far fetched.

[MythoBeast]

This would explain why the Nasdaq continued to rise until November of 2000, and then started its downward spiral. It took that long for those without an ounce of sense to stop investing in vaporware...

Re:Seems far fetched.

[fermion]

The only thing far fetched is that Mexico is part of Solopec. The ROT would clearly have invaded it, if for no other reason than to have easy access to the pacific, which would be critical for military action. Actually, the ROT would probably try to conquer at least oklahoma and everthing to the west, if for no other reason than to have defensible borders. Not to mention at mention most of central America. I don't think they would have the resources to reconstitute Pan Colombia.

In any case, there are few places in the world with more sunlight, and more useless land, than north texas and colorado. It is good to know that texas once again is the best hope for energy in the future.

Sometime we take this way too seriously.

Herro

[michaelhood]

It's been awhile since we link The Onion.

The Onion's ad revenue love you long time.

50 years in the future...

[mixonic]

50 years in the future we are still tortured by bad flash design?!?!

mirror -
http://mirrordot.org/stories/148d3c0453571e33c8fe6 6bd9a6e7c4f/index.html

Re:50 years in the future...

[daniil]

It's not bad design, it's early 2k-s retro look.

Re:50 years in the future...

[acb]

50 years into the future, people will be tortured by bad flesh design, in the name of transhuman fashion.

Re:"Stuff that matters"

[lucabrasi999]

How is this kind of 'news' posting any better than reading forwarded emails from other nerds?

Linking to the Onion may not be 'news', but it is better than Slashdot's daily Google update.

In the future

[AtariAmarok]

In the future, you will not be able to go outside without Flash-enabled glasses. All of the road signs, billboards, books, and even pavement markings will be in Flash. You just won't see a thing unless you pay for properly licensed flash-specs.

Wait

[slapout]

You're saying that you got to a page on The Onion by clicking a link in a email from The Onion? Incrediable!

Re:Must be a time slow news.....

[AtariAmarok]

"Two articles on Batman and an a fake article about the future"

Hey, this will be the time when Warner's will have taken over everything. Every single movie released will be required to have Batman in it.

The future is Flash?

[Szaman2]

Since I'm running Debian and Flash is not installed I was refreshing the page for like 5 minutes (while reading slashdot in the other tab) before I realized that the top of the page was simply made out of interlaced flash animations which would not load. I had to scroll down 3/4 of the page to actually see anything remotely readable.

So let me guess - in 50 years everyone will be having a T3 line or some fiberoptic monstrocity so people wont even bother with HTML and make pages entirely in flash? You know - so that you can't adblock or greasemonkey out the advertisments? Yeah, right...

On the other hand, with the way things are going now it's not so far fetched as it might sound. By that I of course mean the abandonment of HTML for something flash like - not the T3 in every house. Imagine this this - in 50 years we will have to watch a full screen, un-skipable comercial in order to get to slashdot - and then another one to read the comments. That's what I call progress!

Re:The future is Flash?

[The Other White Boy]

Imagine this this - in 50 years we will have to watch a full screen, un-skipable comercial in order to get to slashdot - and then another one to read the comments. That's what I call progress!

you mean any IGN site for the past two years?

Re:The future is Flash?

[Jose-S]

HTML won't be around in 2056. XHTML, I doubt it. Javascript, come on? Even XAML will be gone by then I bet.

Re:The future is Flash?

[bonehead]

Actually, while it won't be what we refer to today as a T3, it's not far fetched at all to think that many homes 50 years from now will have T3 equivalent bandwidth.

Current cable and DSL gear can greatly outpace the speed of a T1 (carrier bandwidth caps and reliability issues aside for the moment). The cable company here in town allows 3Mbps download speed on their cable modems, approximately double that of a T1. I don't think it's unreasonable to think that we could have 14 times that (3Mbps) bandwidth available in the home in 50 years, especially with telcos now starting to run fiber to the home.

Just look at how much bandwidth to the home has increased since 1990.

Re:The future is Flash?

[Kent Recal]

Yup and thanks to cryo-tech decisions will still be made by the same media-f*kheads that are in charge today so it will be 1mbit/s up, 100mbit/s down for us.

Re:The future is Flash?

[bonehead]

True, and I (sort of) alluded to that when I mentioned carrier imposed bandwidth caps. For the majority of home users, though, asymmetric bandwidth isn't really a big problem, though. Those limits, though, are much more the result of decisions made by executives than they are result of any particular technological limitations.

Also, there's a good chance that the available bandwidth could end up being much more symmetric than it is now, depending on the requirements of whatever services the media fuckheads try to shove down our throats.

Still, T3 equivalent bandwidth (1.544 * 28 = 43.232 Mbps) to the home is well within reason, and probably much sooner than the 50 year timeframe being discussed.

And for those who need symmetric bandwidth, there will still be the commercial class lines available at a much higher cost, just like we can still get a T1 today when the situation calls for it.

Re:The future is Flash?

[bonehead]

Oops, I was also going to mention that there is absolutely no need for cryotech to insure that there will still be f*ckheads in charge of the media 50 years from now.

Technology will always advance fast enough that the PHB types in charge will be afraid of it and fail to recognize opportunities that are staring them in the face.

Re:The future is Flash?

[Kent Recal]

Yup, I (unfornationally) fully agree, esp. about the fear-aspect.

I'm still hoping though, that one day technology will leave the PHBs behind
and decisions will be made by people who have a clue. Companies like google
or flickr seem to indicate that we're (painfully slowly) getting there.

This whole PHB thing is getting so old, too...
When I first met one I was pretty amused. But it wears off real quick, like reading the same - initially funny - homer simpson quote over and over again.

Relax, dorks...

[Anonymous Coward]

One story they missed, though, is that even in 2056, some slashdot geeks still don't have a sense of humor.

Fer chrissakes... so it's in Flash... turn off flashblocker for 5 friggin' minutes and read some of the stories... they're quite good.

Re:Relax, dorks...

[NardofDoom]

Odds are that if it weren't in flash the site would be useable. Flash is a bandwidth hog and unnecessary for almost everything on there.

Maybe they're making the point that in 2056 web designers will still think that bandwidth is there to be exploited.

Re:Relax, dorks...

[suitepotato]

I second this sentiment. I install Flash on every Linux box I build as part of the initial work and would put Shockwave on it if Macromedia bothered porting it properly. If Microsoft ported Active X to Linux I'd install that too. Sometimes I think some people use Linux as a way of avoiding learning competent administration of Windows, where I don't have problems with any of the above or Java and Javscript. News, er, flash, people. If Linux wants to make inroads against Windows, it needs the glitzy flash and sizzle that people expect, and it is the techie's job to secure it.

I also think too that many people don't have a proper sense of humor and seem to go way out of their way to miss the point. That was fall down funny stuff.

Re:Relax, dorks...

[DeepHurtn!]

It isn't that simple for everyone -- for example, those running a 64-bit distro on top of an AMD64.

Re:Relax, dorks...

[big_groo]

I thought the obscene use of flash was part of the joke. :)

When I loaded the page all I saw was the flashblock icon all over the screen.

Re:Relax, dorks...

[m50d]

I don't mind flash for sites that actually need it. Playing nanaca crash, watching weebl and bob, fine. Doing a flashy menu that is functionally identical to an ordinary one, no. It's a significant performance hit for me (not all of us have fast boxes) so don't use it without an actual reason.

Re:Relax, dorks...

[imcleod]

One story they missed, though, is that even in 2056, some slashdot geeks still don't have a sense of humor.

I'm sorry, remind me why this would be news?

Ununhexium weapons program, eh?

[blkmage]

You'd think that by 2056, we'd have come up with a real name for ununhexium :)

Re:Ununhexium weapons program, eh?

[nomadic]

You'd think that by 2056, we'd have come up with a real name for ununhexium :)

Wouldn't ununhexium just be hexium?

Re:Ununhexium weapons program, eh?

[cashman73]

Well, they were going to name it GeorgeWBushium, in honor of the 43rd President of the United States, but after the crash and subsequent burning at the stake of members of the religious right in 2039, that plan was halted.

Re:Ununhexium weapons program, eh?

[Distinguished Hero]

Not sure whether you were just trying to be funny or not but:
Ununhexium is one one six (atomic number 116).
Hexium would be just atomic number 6 (carbon).

Re:Ununhexium weapons program, eh?

[colinrichardday]

The grandparent was thinking of "un" as "not". Hence ununhexium is not not hexium, and therefore hexium.

Re:Ununhexium weapons program, eh?

[TheoMurpse]

I remember the first time I read "ununpentium" in a science class in middle school, I thought, "What the hell? Why does Pentium get an element named after them!" It was only later did I realize that it is latin for "one one five-ium". If I had only been a little bit older and wiser to hardware, my reaction instead might have been, "What the hell? Why isn't there an AMDium? Cadmium doesn't count!

Re:Ununhexium weapons program, eh?

[Alsee]

You'd think that by 2056, we'd have come up with a real name for ununhexium

They have, but the conflict between US and EU discoverers and the two conflicting proposed names is still going on in 2056. That is the very reason for the arms build up and potential war.

-

damn you slashdot

[indy_Muad'Dib]

51 years or technological advances and you can still kill a website.

20 separate flash applets...

[argent]

I can literally hear my computer huffing and puffing to keep up with this page, because the temperature-controlled fan turned on as they rendered.

Re:20 separate flash applets...

[Anonymous Coward]

I can literally hear my computer huffing and puffing to keep up with this page, because the temperature-controlled fan turned on as they rendered.

It might be time to splurge and pick up that new 386 with 8 megs of RAM that you've had your eye on...

Re:20 separate flash applets...

[sharpestmarble]

[anal mode]Actually, it's 23.[/anal mode]

Re:20 separate flash applets...

[kwoff]

Nah, mine does that too. Sony laptop, P4 512MB RAM. I've noticed that at times when I'm running Mozilla, when I highlight text it causes the fan to rev up a little. No, I'm not hallucinating.

Re:20 separate flash applets...

[julesh]

I can literally hear my computer huffing and puffing to keep up with this page, because the temperature-controlled fan turned on as they rendered.

It might be time to splurge and pick up that new 386 with 8 megs of RAM that you've had your eye on...

I know you're trying to be funny, and all, but my P2-400 slowed to an absolute crawl trying to display it in firefox; 96Mb of RAM was not enough as firefox hit over 80 (the OS typically uses about 20-30). IE6 couldn't display it at all, just sat there with the banner at the top of the screen but no content.

It was overkill.

Re:It's been awhile since we link The Onion.

[LaserSamuraiHead]

i was going to point out that it's a humor site, but i'm just happy you didn't say one of these 1. yeah, but can it run linux? 2. in soviet russia onion links you! 3. profit!

Wake me up

[Digital Vomit]

Wake me up when Slashdot posts a link to www.powerball.com in 2056.

Or, better yet, make that 2006.

Re:Wake me up

[Daagar]

Okay... will contact you in about a year...

Re:Wake me up

[phishtrader]

Hmm, with a readership of about 500k, a $100 million jackpot would split so that each winner would recieve about $200 before taxes. I can think of better uses of predicting the future. . .

Re:AYBABTU

[wwest4]

Maybe it's time for them to link engrish.com, for enriching time, make you happy shine adequate fun?

Go easy on him, guys

[Digital Vomit]

Go easy on him, guys. I read in the Onion that Dancin Santa doesn't learn the concept of satire until 2033.

Re:4th law of robotics

[SirSlud]

See if you can find "I, Rowboat" in the archives. (It might be premiumed by now.)

You forgot

[EachLennyAPenny]

"This will be the year of the Linux breakthrough on the desktop"

Re:You forgot

[m50d]

"Debian Sarge will be out "real soon now""

Oh, wait. Damn!

Re:You forgot

[Malc]

* Natalie Portman goes to Soviet Russia and pours hot grits down her own pants
* The only people left using BSD are old Koreans
* Famous author Jon Katz found dead at 56 near Steven King's house
* Signal 11 still being missed on tech web site
* New Goatse.cx website can't afford bandwidth bill due to too many prank posts on Slashdot.

Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[feepness]

Ahhh, I remember the good old days of...

"Russian Scientists aboard Mir conduct experiment on effects of terror in space."

and

"Area man confused by buffet procedure."

Sure a little politics is humorous, and the American Civil War (Bush/Gore 2000) and Holy Fucking Shit: America at War was really really great. But now every single time it's: "Bush is an idiot, hee hee, Iraq whatever, blah blah blah." Yeah, we get it already.

Haven't read it in over a year... just died out of my rotation naturally... :(

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[PaxTech]

But now every single time it's: "Bush is an idiot, hee hee, Iraq whatever, blah blah blah." Yeah, we get it already.

I thought this thread was about The Onion, not Slashdot comment threads.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[MarkPNeyer]

I totally agree with you. It used to be really really funny, but now it's become extremely over politicized. Bush is a moron. I get it now. It's not funny to read stupid political crap that I can get anywhere else. If you want a site that's funnier than the onion was in its heydey, check out www.pointlesswasteoftime.com.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[Koiu Lpoi]

You want funny? Try Zug

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[bitrott]

I call bullshit. You find it to be un-funny because you just plain can't look past your own political bias. When Clinton was in office he provided plenty of material to lampoon. Bush just seems to provide even more, and it's not like they're not concious of what an easy target he is: "VP Cheney Bursts from Bush's Chest Cavity" for example. I mean, it's rediculous, funny, but biased? Eye of the beholder man... it's like all those conservatives that BS about 'liberal media', but are convinced Fox News is without bias. You're fooling yourself.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[syrinx]

Exactly. The same thing happened to the Daily Show, sadly.

(My favorite Onion article is still "Tenth Circle Added to Rapidly Growing Hell"...)

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[Daemongar]

I belive you are right - being from Wisconsin - I remember when The Onion moved it's offices from Madison to New York http://www.uwalumni.com/onwisconsin/summer01/onion .html I have kinda slowly moved away from it - now I don't read at all.

There HAS been a change in it's humor - saying Bush is Dumb isn't funny the 3000 time they put that on a headline. They seem to have lost a lot of creativity - maybe it's the change in what's funny regionally, or a shift in editors. Making fun of what they don't like - as opposed to Making fun of EVERYTHING seems to be the change.

They seem to be using a formula for humor - and it's getting stale.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[jfengel]

It's spotty (and personal; my favories are very different from yours). It's not brilliant every week, but sometimes it's pure genius. So it stays in the rotation.

I don't mind the politics; they're a news satire and politics is news. They do have a liberal bias, but they'll take targets of opportunity as they come up. I appreciate them when they're clever, no matter who is the butt of the joke. Just like some of my favorite episodes of South Park are among the most conservative, though they too can descend to simple bashing rather than insight when they're having an off week.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[feepness]

I call bullshit. You find it to be un-funny because you just plain can't look past your own political bias. When Clinton was in office he provided plenty of material to lampoon.

I wondered if someone would say that. Please re-read my post. I never said it was biased... I just said the Onion got MORE political and it got old after awhile... you always knew what you were going to see. I went there looking for silliness... not commentary.

You are absolutely right that it started with the whole Lewinsky fiasco. But believe me, there was a time it was far more balanced... and also... I have never voted for a Republican in three decades of eligibility.

Maybe I'm not the one whose slanted?

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[Lodragandraoidh]

all those conservatives that BS about 'liberal media', but are convinced Fox News is without bias...

I find it extremely humorous that the same network that delivers Fox News also delivers 'The Simpsons', 'Family Guy', and that new show about the CIA Dad, with the Extra-Terrestrial live-in etc...

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[CrosseyedPainless]

I thought this thread was about the Onion, not about reality.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[bitrott]

Sure, it's humorous. But this doesn't disprove my point. Fox News has found a valuable ($) target for their ads: conservatives Americans. Why shouldn't they target them specifically with conservative rhetoric laced articles? They'd be stupid not to now that they have their nitch.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[bitrott]

He super-moron! Noone's making you read every issue Onion! For someone like me who is too busy or often forgets to get his laughs there, the Onion is still plenty fresh and unrepetitive. In fact, if anything it's a guaranteed source for a laugh.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[bitrott]

Didn't say I wasn't slanted.

Here's an idea: Anything read/eaten/seen too often gets boring. If you don't read the Onion too often you're more likely to get a chuckle, and less likely to get your widdle feewings hurt.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[feepness]

Here's an idea: Anything read/eaten/seen too often gets boring. If you don't read the Onion too often you're more likely to get a chuckle, and less likely to get your widdle feewings hurt.

I would also agree with this. I found it pretty amusing when I checked out the link today and read the whole thing. Reminded me of old times. It just kind of died out of the immediate memory pool getting replaced by Penny Arcade and unfortunately, informational things.

Though I never said I got my feelings hurt... except for that Area Man article. After all, I'm an Area Man.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[cosinezero]

If you watch COPS and think they're oppressing people you actually -want- in your backyard, I'm moving to a different neighborhood... I can't recall an episode where I was like "Damn, sure he beat his wife with the butt end of his AK-47, but they didn't have to confiscate his meth lab! Bastards!"

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[rzebram]

You're thinking American Dad.

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[julesh]

Yeah, but then the Simpsons did their own version, so everything was OK again. :)

Re:Stopped reading it when it got so political...

[kalinh]

I find it extremely humorous that the same network that delivers Fox News also delivers 'The Simpsons', 'Family Guy', and that new show about the CIA Dad, with the Extra-Terrestrial live-in etc...

Don't forget that HarperCollins, another subsidiary of News Corp., publishes Michael Moore. Yeah, that Murdoch is all about brainwashing a strident right-wing agenda alright. Either that or he just wants to sell books and make money as much as Moore does.

My favorite

[catdevnull]

"Semi-People" Magazine features "50 Hottest Mutant Bachelors"... ...classic.

Those wacky humanoids.

Re:My favorite

[advocate_one]

that one on the cover looks just like Michael Jackson...

Now I'm Confused!

[Zackbass]

Is the fact that the entire page is done in seperate tiny Flash boxes supposed to be some kind of joke about the way web pages will appear in the future? I nearly had a heart attack when the page came up.

Re:Now I'm Confused!

[mweier]

Well they wouldn't have to use so much flash if browsers would universally just start supporting the blink tag again... ;) At least we can see that it's not returned by 2056

God is it ever funny to see geeks fume about the existence of animation on the internet. If it's not static 9pt courier, it's wasting our time! blah blah blah.

Re:Now I'm Confused!

[kisrael]

heh...in my experience it's the "digital artist, 3D animator, web designer, and otherwise technological creative type...." who are fond of the 9pt courier...or smaller. And lock it in so you can't readily resize it.

I'm no luddite, but I do value content over presentation to a certain extent...in this case w/ the flash links I was annoyed shift-click and ctrl-click didn't do what I expected...if you're going to "roll your own" when it comes to links, it's nice to get the details right.

Re:Now I'm Confused!

[Xepherys2]

You people must not be using FireFox... the page loaded without any hulabaloo and all the links worked fine... I don't get it...

and just like every other Onion page...

[MarsBar]

... a good idea, ruined by poor implementation.

million robot march

[rhaig]

you'd think the million robot march would have had 1,048,576 robots, not 1,000,000

Re:million robot march

[rel4x]

you'd think the million robot march would have had 1,048,576 robots, not 1,000,000
psh. By then we'll all have learned the hard drive manufacturers were right all along...

Re:million robot march

[mmkkbb]

That's why it's newsworthy.

Re:million robot march

[/dev/trash]

1024

Re:million robot march

[Have Blue]

That's why it was a megabot march, not a mebibot march.

Re:million robot march

[poot_rootbeer]

you'd think the million robot march would have had 1,048,576 robots, not 1,000,000

Myself, I would have thought there would have been exactly 64 robots. 1000000 binary = 64 decimal...

Re:million robot march

[slim-t]

Are you thinking of a megarobot march? I could see 1,048,576 robots attending one of those.... or one huge, or "mega", robot. Either way, I imagine there will be plenty of alcohol on hand.

Re:million robot march

[BreadMan]

It should have been the 11110100001001000000 robot march.

A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[nutznboltz]

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/720363 3/

Re:A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[jaypaulw]

Ah yes the sense of humor

Re:A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[sandmaninator]

I didn't catch the humour in the Rolling Stone article. Seemed like run-of-the-mill paranoia. That article is ridiculously one-sided. Arghh. I wont even go into it... A couple people can live quite comfortably off of a small solar panel in a temperate climate... I'm an environmentalist, anti-Bush and all that but, the author of that RS article really does seem to have undergone some kind of liberal brainwashing!

Re:A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[nutznboltz]

Oil is running amok. One peek at a chart will show that.

http://www.oilnergy.com/1combo.htm/

The USA is addicted to the war in Iraq. If they pulled out they would lose 1.3 million barrels of oil a day just like that.

Re:A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[nutznboltz]

oops, http://www.oilnergy.com/1combo.htm

Re:A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[Mspangler]

good link! I don't agree with everything, (biodiesel gains 60% net energy, and GM crops could improve that further) but the points are well taken. And, as always, America will wait until the last minute and then panic.

Actually the scenario sounds similar to "UK survival in the 21st century" by John Busby. It was linked to here on /. last year. Also thought provoking. I didn't believe everything there either, but it also pointed out the changes the end of cheap energy will bring. And it explains why Blair was ready to head to Iraq too. The UK is really over a barrel energy wise.

Re:A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[Mspangler]

"A couple people can live quite comfortably off of a small solar panel in a temperate climate" Right. Wisconsin is officially a temperate climate. Try living through that winter with a small solar panel. Are you giving up hot water? Central heat? Any heat? I used to live in Winnemucca Nevada. There, I could have run the electrical loads (including the swamp cooler) of my single-wide mobilehome off of roof-mounted solar panels. I still would have needed a propane tank or a natural gas connection to keep the hot water, stove, and furnace going. If I had gone off the grid there, I also would have had to figure out how to get water up 400 feet from the bottom of the well. That was not in my solar cell budget. so add either more solar cells, or a windmill, and more batteries either way. It is doable, but a "small solar panel" will barely keep the radio and a few lights on.

Re:A Much More Accurate Look Ahead

[sandmaninator]

I was responding to a doomsday prediction based on the loss of oil reserves. Not the loss of propane (which I used extensively while spending 6 months sailing from Fl. to Duluth, MN. Also, I did not get out the encyclopedia for a definition of "temperate climate" but my intention was to describe a climate where heating is not neccesary in the winter and AC is not absolutely crucial in the summer. There are many such places on this planet.
In such an environment, I found that propane and a few small flexible solar panels (total of 56w) were all that were needed to keep the running lights going at night, run the radio during the day, charge the laptop and cell phone, and run a fan on the hot days.
I wouldn't have realized this if the engine alternator had not broke down during the trip.

Read the Rolling Stone article and you will have an idea what I was responding to. It is a silly article with lots of wild conjecture and I *might* pick it apart if someone begs me.

People got along without oil for many years. Humanity will survive the depletion of our reserves. The grid can be a good thing, IMHO.

Re:Active X Errors

[mweier]

probably all the flash that your machine is choking on. I saw no activeX errors on MacOSX ;) Tons of stuff slow to load due to /.'d

Re:"Stuff that matters"

[AtlanticGiraffe]

The best rules are the ones that get broken every once in a while. We all needed a laugh. I know I did.

And don't forget...

[aendeuryu]

Vi still better than emacs.

Re:And don't forget...

[FhnuZoag]

Don't forget Ed, man. Ed.

Re:Slashdot is being sued

[tomhudson]

If you go to merkeylaw.com (instead of www.merkeylaw.com) you get the Fedora Core "If you are seeing this, the site owner ios an idiot who forgot to add content or didn't set up his vhosts properly!" page.

I'm disappointed - the only people named on slashdot are "John Doe" 1 through 200. Shit - how do I get this loser/fucking moron/asswipe to sue *me* sometime before the year 2056?

Maybe this will work: Merkey - you're a fuckwad loser, a poser, and a total asshole. Sue me. PLEASE SUE ME!

nah it's easy

[BitterAndDrunk]

The healine is the punchline, rarely is the actual article worth reading.

The absolute best parts of the Onion are the columns by Anchower, Kornfeld, et al., the Infographic, The Onion Presents, and the What Do You Think?

That and the mini headlines at the left. Last week's was the best: Plan To Trap Boyfriend Aborted.

That's pisser.

I guessed Slashdot, how sad is that...

[C. Alan]

I came into work this morning, and though, "Hey, its been a while since I looked at the Onion." I cruised on over, and took a look, and man...It was running slow. I got to thinking, the page is acting like it has been slashdotted.... And sure enough, here is the article.

Re:I guessed Slashdot, how sad is that...

[Blakey Rat]

How interesting!

I bet this gets duped in 50 years

[tod_miller]

They must be running a quantum webserver - one way to beat the /. effect, post stories 50 years early, by the time anyone needs to read it, there is a torrent available, a coral cache, and 250 karma-whores pasting the content/mirror on the posts :-)

Preemtpive slashdot cacheing?

On the front of the actual article, I laughed, the use of flash actually gave is a 2002 look, but lets pretend it was futuristic! :-)

My fav by a hair was:

Menstruation cured!

At last...

Re:I bet this gets duped in 50 years

[Ubergrendle]

Don't forget to click the links to the lower level articles. the TV schedule is FANTASTIC.

PBS Mobil? Top show: Citibank Seasame Street Branch!
Better yet, AOLTimeWarnerTurnerABCViacom?

COMEDY GOLD!

Very Funny

[Lynnzu]

I thought it was hilarious. Nice break for middle of the week.

Favorite Onion article: MS patent 1 and 0's

[jackstack]

Obligatory list of mirrors of my favorite techy Onion article:

http://home.att.net/~jbcole/humor/Microsoft_patent s.htm

http://www.ece.villanova.edu/~thanneru/zeroesAndOn es.html

http://www.gleitsmann.com/Frame3x3long.htm

And here's a link for a shirt:
http://subscribe.theonion.com/product_info.php?cPa th=5_12&products_id=80

50 years is a LONG time

[gosand]

50 years from now it's going to be pretty much like it is now with a few more conveniences, but we aren't going to see a wholesale change in the world as is frequently supposed by so-called futurists.

OK, so you don't get the joke. BUT. Aside from that, you are quite simply wrong. Look at 1955 compared to today. Try taking someone from 1955 and explaining to them what the internet is. Email? TV was new an emerging technology then. GPS. The cold war, the Vietnam war, the farce going on in Iraq right now. The Berlin Wall, HIV and AIDS, breast implants, lasic eye surgery, reality TV, Starbucks, cellphones.... It would all seem like ... well, an edition of the Onion to them.

Now think of 1950 compared to 1900.

A lot can happen in 50 years. Things that we probably wouldn't even understand now.

Least Literate Editors Ever?

[infochuck]

It's been awhile since we link The Onion.

Perhaps that word simply doesn't mean what I think it means.

Actually

[*SECADM]

the best (or IMHO the only remaining good) part of the Onion, is the column by one Lloyd Schumner Sr., Retired Machinist and A.A.P.B.-Certified Astrologer.

Newsflash: Onion Still Only Skin Deep

[Doc Ruby]

Reassuring its readers that they won't have to work to stay just as shallowly infotained as the drone next door, _The Onion_ continues the tradition pioneered by websites like Slashdot of intriguing headlines, backed by worthless articles no one reads anyway. "What we lack in depth, we make up in shallowness", said FS Zweibel v2, clone of the newzine's founder, and CEO.

Re:Can't see a thing

[unclocked]

Ditto

Re:"Stuff that matters"

[XMyth]

Scroll down and skip it you ass. It has the fucking foot icon, you can see it's humor.

Damn what an idiot.

Wow, hadn't checked the Onion in a long time...

[otis wildflower]

... I think for me I stopped reading when I started bumping into their 'premium only' search results. For years they were part of my 'conversation', where I'd send links to classic articles as a joke (or, as the world began to actually mirror the Onion, a rebuttal). Once I couldn't fwd links from their past anymore, once they weren't part of the joke, I guess I didn't find them as useful.

Could be a function of the older stuff being better than the newer stuff, but since I haven't been reading that frequently in the past two or so years, I couldn't rightly judge.

Re:Wow, hadn't checked the Onion in a long time...

[Ph33r th3 g(O)at]

Yep -- I stopped reading after the first time that happened to me. Followed a link someone sent me once after that and being assulted by an interstital ad, I now don't visit at all.

My favorite show!!

[Datamonstar]

Amusing Befuddlement Of Rotund, Utility-Grade Human
I watch it every week.

Best quote...

[SpyPlane]

"We need a fourth law of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife"

Classic.

Re:Best quote...

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman]

I thought that was the best article, too. They guy makes such a complete and honest argument that you can't help but laugh at it. That's what I enjoy about the Onion--their stories are outrageously fake, but written like they are the solid truth.

Re:Best quote...

[clintp]

I think Asimov would have liked this article. He had a good sense of humor, didn't take offense easily, and was quite the flirt from all accounts.

Re:Best quote...

[bhsx]

I was just going to make that my .sig you insensitive clod! Hey! Stop fingering my wife!

Seems like a good site

[Rick and Roll]

...for stress-testing Firefox. I'm going to submit it to their bugzilla. I would work on it myself, except I already have an open source project.

Web in 2056?

[kyoko21]

Umm... is it just me or is the whole idea of HTTP 1.0/1.1 in 2056 seem kind of ass backwards? I would at least think there is some new protocol by then...

Shouldn't I be using something like FireDragon or PlasmaFox to view a website if the web is still even in use then?

Re:Can't see a thing

[pfafrich]

I get the same but there is absolutly nothing in the page
all I get is
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"><html><head><title></title></hea d><body></body></html>
i.e. zilch in the body. Its serving somthing as there favicon.

I have same problem with yahoo. So I guess its something to do with my browser
FireFox 1.0.4 on win 98.

Any ideas?

Rich

No, but Duke Nukem Forever will be out in 2057...

[mosel-saar-ruwer]

...And in tech news this evening, 3DRealms Software announced that Duke Nukem Forever will finally ship in Q2 '57.

Back to you, Brent.

I sense much anger in this one.

[schif]

Why do they hate America?

Re:I sense much anger in this one.

[tim_bissell]

Why do they hate America?
Dude, if you have to ask you will never understand...

Oblig Futurama...

[celery stalk]

Now if they could only make it in the form of a suppository!

Good News!

[mranchovy]

It's a suppository!

I Used to Love the Onion

[ndansmith]

I respect their satirical style, but their coverage of September 11 and the Tsunami were so offensive, I find it difficult to go to their page now-a-days.

Re:I Used to Love the Onion

[raygunz]

If a satirical news site can't make fun of the September 11 terrorists, then the terrorists will have already won. Seriously, I found the September 11th coverage to be a breath of normalcy after the event. This is what we are trying to keep, and the fundamentalists are trying to stop.

Re:I Used to Love the Onion

[Anonymous Coward]

An archived copy. I don't see why it's so offensive. God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule is particularly good.

Re:I Used to Love the Onion

[ajm]

Their September 11th coverage was brilliant.

Re:I Used to Love the Onion

[ehiris]

"their coverage of September 11 and the Tsunami were so offensive"

In that case stay away from this edition. They are predicting the WTC being rebuilt for the 5th time.

Re:I Used to Love the Onion

[trongey]

I remember that article. It's probably the best writing I've ever seen on the internet.

Re:I Used to Love the Onion

[illuminatedwax]

You should probably never leave your house for fear of being offended.

Re:I Used to Love the Onion

[typical]

I respect their satirical style, but their coverage of September 11 and the Tsunami were so offensive, I find it difficult to go to their page now-a-days.

More offensive than the Onion are people who seek attention by proclaiming their own offended victimhood.

Life has down bits that you will have to deal with, and if you find a random satire website occasionally offensive, that may just be your cross to bear. Because most of the rest of us think that it's pretty funny.

Duke Nukem

[astralbat]

Another Slashdot certainty!

Duke Nukem Forever delayed until 2061

50 years from now

[Simonetta]

50 years from now it's going to be pretty much like it is now with a few more conveniences, but we aren't going to see a wholesale change in the world as is frequently supposed by so-called futurists.

This is so true. I'm always amazed that Hollywood shows wildly advanced futures in only 50 to 100 years (Blade Runner is set in 2050?).
The world in 2070 is going to look pretty much the same as it does now. Same trees, same roads, same houses, same crappy suburban mini-malls, same crappy 7-11 Quick Rip Stores.

It is important to think now about what actually will be different in 2070. There will be far less casual driving of motor vehicles. There will be much less personal identity with countries and much more identity with individuals in distant parts of the world. Much more tribal identity that transcends national identity. All the specialized advanced programmers of certain chip in the world have more in common with each other than they do with their neighbors, even though they are of completely different cultures, religions, races, and nationalities.

There will be a major split between the people who believe in a religion and the secularists, regardless of the religion. The Believers will claim that the Secularists less than civilized humans because they have no religious beliefs and the Secularists will claim that the religious experience is simply a bio-chemical reaction in the brain that occurs in some people but not others, like the ability to curl the tongue.

There will be many more people around. The population will shift northward to deal with global warming.

Horoscope

[Bullet-Dodger]

Slashdot readers in particular will probably enjoy the Horoscope. It uses the New Revised Standard Zodiac agreed on at WorldCon 2025.

So much for my lunchtime distraction!

[xzqx]

Now theonion.com won't load! Thanks for slashdotting it! Now what do I read on the internet???

Commentary From The Onion

[teflonrabbit]

First of all, I'd like to thank you all for the early wake-up call this morning. :)

The reason that the site was running rather slowly through the first hour or two of the slashdotting was that we were pegged at 100mbps through our load balancer. It appears as though we've got about five mbps of slack in the line now, so the site should be performing better than it was previously.

I suppose that this is the reason that companies such as Akamai exist. ;)

Subtle Economic Satire

[Edward Faulkner]

Any time they quote a price, it's given in Yuan - which is not a bad bet. :-)

The era of a dollar-dominated world is ending.

Re:Subtle Economic Satire

[CrosseyedPainless]

Those aren't yuan, those are ChaseMitsubishi neo-yen. /read last night //damn, not on FARK

Re:Cell phones

[robertjw]

Great points, you even brought up something I forgot - men and women working together.

In 1955 the pill hadn't hit the market yet. Women mostly stayed home and had babies - they just didn't have a choice. The idea of reliable contraception that allows women to control their own destinies didn't even exist.

We are so far removed from what like was like in the 50s most of us don't even realize how different things are. The world changes around us, we change with it and don't even notice.

A Prairie Home Companion

[Sir Pallas]

That's why I listen to Garrison Keillor on Saturday nights. As for the Onion, I did get kind of turned off when they started charging for their archive, but they already had in-your-face-annoying adverts by that time. This futurist one is kind of entertaining, though.

Re:A Prairie Home Companion

[jc42]

One problem with this issue: After reading it for a while (and chuckling a lot), I noticed that my cpu usage was pegged at 100%, mostly by mozilla-bin. I went on the usual test hunt, closing down tabs until the cpu usage dropped. It was the new Onion tab. I opened it again in a new tab, and the cpu went to 100% again. So I don't have the Onion tab open any more.

Sure wish there were some systematic way to discover quickly which web page is doing this sort of thing and why. It would be even better if all the cpu-hogging features could be turned off, and turned on briefly just for a page (or site) that needs them.

Yes, I do have things like flashblock and prefbar installed. I set images to just one loop. I keep java and javascript turned off unless I need them for one page. Those things help a lot. But there are still things that can gobble all your cpu and can't be stopped except by killing the tab (or window or browser).

its not funny though

[crabpeople]

well except for that fact that its not funny at all. The daily show is funny. They take the news and give a nice slant to it. 50% news 50% funny. I honestly dont get the onion. Ive personally never liked it. Why would you want to read completly made up news?

Life is funny enough without making up completly impossible news stories. Reuters oddly enough is plenty funny and those stories actually happen
http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/newsChannel.aspx?t ype=oddlyEnoughNews

yeah this is a COMMENT because i dont find the onion funny at all. im sure some people do, i just cant for the life of me see why completly made up fake news articles should be funny. its obviously not true.

Frances Bean Cobain-Osment won't be mayor in 2056

[WillAffleckUW]

SEATTLE--Seattle Mayor Frances Bean Cobain-Osment issued a call for the emergency deforestation of the Pacific Northwest Monday. "Please, major logging companies, I beg you, send any spare sawmilling, pulping, or chipping equipment you have as soon as possible," said Cobain-Osment, invisible within the branches and overgrowth on the steps of City Hall. "We cannot fight off the encroaching trees and spotted owls any longer." The mayor's message concluded with a spirited condemnation of 2001's controversial Healthy Forests Initiative.

For one thing, while it is true that Seattle, Portland, Vancouver BC, and San Francisco will secede and form Ecotopia (which is why the rest of the USA will be defenseless to the Middle East (related Onion story), since we have most of the military assets), she won't be elected mayor.

To be elected Mayor in Seattle you have to be comfortable wearing plaid, and I'm afraid her mother spoiled her too much on that account, so Guchi doesn't work here.

Unless she hires an Aura Consultant and redoes her colors.

Still using dial-up in 2056

[Nynaeve]

If you read the ads, you might notice some things never change:
* 5X Faster Dial-Up- only $7.95/month
* Get 12 CDs for the price of 1 - from BMG!

Re:Still using dial-up in 2056

[Xepherys2]

The best thing is, I was coming back to say this exact same thing, and it was the first topic I saw. You beat me to it, but it's still just as funny! ^_^

Ironically

[IdahoEv]

... one of the flash-based headlines you're not seeing if you don't have flash says:

Your browser does not support ambient alpha-wave memestreams. Concentrate here to upgrade.

Which leads me to think that the Onion is perfectly well aware of the issue...

Re:Must be a time slow news.....

[Noaccess0]

I'm looking forward to the remake of the Sound of Music. If there's one thing that movie needed, it was Batman. "The Hills are alive, with the sound of vengeance"

its only not true..

[rebelcool]

if you never leave or house, interact with other people or read the news.

most people have known a jim anchower or two in their lives. The "Leather clad nomads of australia" is from mad max and that ridiculous guy in skimpy leather underwear.

you forgot video cards...

[Cutting_Crew]

Nvidia to announce GeForce Xtreme ZX9900 GT Quadruple SLI with a closed of 100 Ghz and 20 GB of memory on board for each card. ATI to finally release official working drivers for linux.

Re:Must be a time slow news.....

[AtariAmarok]

"The Hills are alive, with the sound of vengeance""

You gotta love the 'bat-gasm in the restaurant scene' in "When Harry Met Sally Met Batman". Or when Dustin Hoffman recites the most obscure supervillain minutae in "Rainbatman".

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Dammit!

[emurphy42]

I suggested this to them (as a companion piece to The Onion in History) like two years ago, but am I seeing any royalty checks? Noooooo...

Better UI?

[Trinition]

Hopefully they've have progressed to a better user interface. This one is old and clunky. No DHTML collapsable threads, no AJAX, no web service exposure...

Also forgot:

[ImaLamer]

In 2056:

* Duke Nukem Released

Everyone's bitching about the Flash...

[sootman]

...and missing out on some hysterical geek content.

"We Need A Fourth Law Of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife"