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Google Plans To Destroy Unindexed Information

Posted by Zonk on from the bow-before-the-google-rays-pitiful-mortals dept.

linolium writes "Executives at Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to 'organize the world's information,' announced Monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index. 'Book burning is just the beginning," said Google co-founder Larry Page. 'This fall, we'll unveil Google Sound, which will record and index all the noise on Earth. Is your baby sleeping soundly? Does your high-school sweetheart still talk about you? Google will have the answers.'" FYI; it's The Onion, so yes, it's a joke.

13 of 319 comments (clear)

  1. The Onion is now 'Stuff That Matters'? by Shayde · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Is this really worth a top post on Slashdot, that The Onion wrote a funny piece? It's sort of their standard fare - in fact, I'm beginning to feel like The Onion is doing a better job at putting togethe rinteresting articles than slashdot is.

    Planet-Geek

    --
    Event Management Solutions : http://www.stonekeep.com/
    1. Re:The Onion is now 'Stuff That Matters'? by Antique+Geekmeister · · Score: 1, Insightful

      If the Onion actually wrote something funny, it would be worth it for the surprise value alone. The Onion hasn't written anything funny since the Volkswagen Beetle ad with the Beetle floating on a pond (the orignal Beetle design floated quite well). It had the caption: "If Teddy Kennedy drove a VW, he would be President".

  2. Plonk Zonk! by nuntius · · Score: 5, Insightful
    Consider a few of Zonk's messages for today:
    • Buy Antivirus for your cell phone
    • Why we should all love corporate Linux
    • MS supports good guys!
    • Why you need a new digital camera... and its not about picture quality.
    • Breaking story from America's Finest News Source.
    What do these have in common? Corporate cheer-leading, perhaps?

    I want news, not ads for nerds.

    1. Re:Plonk Zonk! by NanoGator · · Score: 2, Insightful

      The comment I'm bitching about is at +5. Pity the mods don't put their points to better use. As if Slashdot's staff is reading +5 Insightful posts and saying "Oh, hey, he's right. Let's fire Zonk." In their place, I'd be saying "Hey, when Zonk posts, he generates a lot of comments! That's a lot of ads served!"

      --
      "Derp de derp."
  3. Re:As if dupes weren't enough... by Evro · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Come on, the best way to ruin a joke completely is to say "HEY GUYS, THIS IS FUNNY! HAHAHA!" A tongue-in-cheek like this needs to be presented deadpan as Zonk did. The actual comic value of the joke itself is another matter, of course.

    --
    rooooar
  4. Lighten UP! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    Wow, guys! Take it easy. You are taking all of this way too seriously. The amount of time you've spent whining about Zonk wasting your time is a bit ironic. You all sound like a bunch of pseudointellectual numbnutses. Seriously. . . Lighten UP!

  5. Re:So you all... by Gil-galad55 · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I agree... I don't think I've ever seen a joke go whizzing past so many heads. As if slashdot is a reputable news source... MY GOD, THE CHILDREN!

    --

    To follow knowledge like a sinking star, / Beyond the utmost bound of human thought. ("Ulysses", Tennyson)

  6. Re:In other news by PsychicX · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Good news everybody! I've just discovered an infinite source of articles for slashdot!

  7. This isn't even funny anymore by DrIdiot · · Score: 2, Insightful
    This isn't even funny anymore.

    I come to Slashdot for news. Not parody. I read the Onion regularly, and I read the Onion for laughs. I do not read Slashdot for laughs (except the occasionally funny comment).

    How did this get past the editors? "Stuff that matters." Yeah, we're living up to that real well. Fake news - that really does matter.

  8. why this is an appropriate article for /. by blonde+rser · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I'm really not being a devil's advocate here; I am genuinely glad to see this article on slashdot.

    People seem to be complaining that /. is posting a humour story from the onion when we are all already aware that the onion post humour stories. Although the onion always posts humour stories they don't always post humour stories about tech and links to tech stories is something we expect on /..

    But secondly I think this belongs here because it is actually a really funny story: much funnier than that which I've usually read in the onion. I'm not much of an onion fan personally but I have several friends who like to email me links from the onion from time to time. So I've seen a few stories and when I received this one I thought it was hilarious.

  9. You forgot one: by cp.tar · · Score: 2, Insightful

    8,230,000 for Elvis.

    --
    Ignore this signature. By order.
  10. At least label it!! by ShadowBot · · Score: 1, Insightful
    When someone opens a trusted news source, they tend to belive that every article is actually NEWS!!

    The problem isn't that jokes shouldn't be made but that they should be clear as such!

    I have never been to the onion before and had no wayof knowing the article is a complete fabrication.

    I assumed it was a real Press conference where a Google exec had been using a stupid joke to introduce a new google project (even though no realistic project is described in the article). So, my end impression was that Google had wasted my time. And only after reading a few dozen low rated comments did I find out that it was slashdot doing the time wasting.

    A single line like "The Onion has written an amusing little piece..." or something equally small would have been sufficient.

    Even if the humour icon had been on the front page it won't have been enough as 'Funny' doesn't mean totally baseless and untrue!

    Someone suggested blocking all Zonk articles. All today's front page stories are by Zonk!! Does that mean there is really no news on Slashdot today? or only that Zonk can't tell (or can't communicate) the difference!

    --
    Quantum Physics a.k.a. sub-molecular statistics
  11. Re:I, for one... by bcattwoo · · Score: 2, Insightful
    I am confused about one thing: while I'm used to Slashdot reporting non-news as news, and incorrect news as news, outside of April Fool's I don't think I've ever seen them report satire as if it were real news.

    Ah, but any story even tangentially related to Google must be reported on the front page, even if it is fake.