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Gizmondo Tilts At Windmills
The always excellent Game Over feature on CNN reports on the upcoming launch of the Gizmondo portable console, and what a colossally bad idea it is. From the article: "Assuming you do want to play one of those games, it's going to be a frustrating affair. The system's D-pad controller doesn't lend itself to accurate aiming, particularly in fast-paced games. Of course, you have to turn on the Gizmondo to play games or take advantage of any of its offerings. This is not a quick task. In fact, it takes 48 seconds. (Compare that to less than five seconds on the Nintendo DS.) "
Wow, $400* for a portable game console? Normally I would recommend buying a Nintendo DS and a portable DVD player, but for that price you could buy a Sony Freaking PSP and a portable DVD player.
Note that a portable DVD player is still strongly recommended if you want to watch movies on the go.
* Or $230 if you're willing to accept ads three times a day. I am not, though it's tempting to buy a $230 Gizmondo and hack it to remove the ads.
I'm not Seth Finkelstein. I still speak the truth.
#2 - To launch a device with a title like 'Sticky Balls'
#3 - To do "all that" for more money that the PSP
Oh and 'no retail space' should fit in there somewhere too.
I'm seeing... It's coming... A repeat of the NGage... That's it... Yes, it is.
"...will feature an advertising service that sends commercials up to 40 seconds long to your unit as many as three times a day."
This is only for the "cheaper" model, at $229, but... holy shit. Why would anyone want to put up with that?! This system was on it's way out before they even announced the pricing and bullshit you had to go through for it.
In case you're a philistine like me, and have no fscking clue what "Gizmondo Tilts At Windmills" means, you'll be pleased to learn that it means "Gizmondo prepares for a battle".
Comes from Don Quixote , apparently. I'd be pleased to learn from some of our more learned slashdotters why it means that.
Registering accounts later than some other chrisb since 1997
This is spectacular. I've never seen such a dismal product pitch. It's just fascinating how much that sucks.
There's only one way I'll ever buy one of those esoteric 3rd-party handhelds (I'm happy with my DS, thanks) - full x86 compatibility, to the point that I can load PC-DOS onto the sucker and play old Liero, X-Com and Descent on the damn thing. Until then, keep dreaming.
...as soon as I can trade saved Duke Nukem Forever games between it and my Phantom.
OMG! I must have one of these!!
This Gizmondo thing is a joke, right? They're not actually going to sell this handheld thing for $400, right? Right?
Modern copyright is theft of culture from everyone and it retards the progress of the useful arts and sciences.
#4 - Clunky controls.
#5 - GPS capability (maybe).
My favorite part of the article:
"The less expensive system, at $229, will feature an advertising service that sends commercials up to 40 seconds long to your unit as many as three times a day. It won't interrupt your game, movie or music, but you'll have to watch them before the unit will allow you to power down. (Well, unless you rip the battery out, I suppose.) A bundle, priced at a staggering $399, will allow you to turn off the ads and comes with extra GPS software.
Let me repeat that price: $399. That's the same price as the high-end Xbox 360."
When I first heard about the Gizmondo, I had hopes that it would be a good platform for homebrew and emulation. Hell no! They are using bios lockout just like on the PSP to prevent development.
The now deceased Tapwave Zodiac was a pretty good little emulation handheld, although the processor was too slow and it had a weird mutant palm OS on it.
I would really love a comfortable pocket pc designed for gaming. I have an Asus one which does the job ok, particularly for 8 bit games like NES and Segas Master System, but no Power PC handhelds have good button layouts for gaming, and most have terrible dpads. There is however, a ton of good emulation software for the platform.
Sometimes my arms bend back.
no good games, $399 and it has ADs!!! what are they smoking!
The war with islam is a war on the beast
The war on terror is a war for peace
The $229 version forces you to watch them.
The $179 version randomly spews profanity and flatulence sounds at high volumes.
The $149 version kicks your shins and sheds asbestos.
The $99 version calls your girlfriend and tells her you never loved her, then puts out a mafia hit on you.
The $49 version only shows episodes of 'Caroline in the City', and is glued permanently to your face.
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WARNING:Slashdot karma not redeemable in the afterlife.
Did anyone else read that headline as "Gizmondo Tits At Windmills".
Let us all lean back from our keyboards for just a second and take a quiet second for reflection for what is soon to be the next in a string of extinct handhelds. The dang thing hasn't even been released stateside yet and unless it comes up with a "Halo" or other prime mover it'll arrive here stillborn. I think too many of us nerds got burnt by Tapwave to go out on a limb again... our rotund dork bodies are way too much weight for the limbs to hold.
There has been much discussion related to the Gizmondo. Specifically, the posting by Threep Doat on that link.
the name for this gizmo is called "gizmondo" a name that i find simillar to quazimodo or what ever his name is. but scince i now very little of this contraption i find it funny. well i would like to see the gizmondo play my MP3's and play games like the psp but will it be better or inferior to the other portable gizmos.
This reminds me more of Tiger's GAME . COM, which tried to throw in every feature it could - and winding up overpriced as heck. Really, they tried to be everything to everyone and ended up being nothing to no one...
Waitaminute... Tiger... *slaps forehead*
TRHOnline - Staggering Towards Brilliance
With the possibly exceptions of the Palm and the old Game and Watch, virtually every other handheld device I've seen so far as been a useless gimmick, IMHO. Other people will likely respond to this by accusing me of being a Luddite...my response would be to in turn accuse them of being brainless lemmings.
A friend of mine works on game development for the GameBoy Advance. Although this device is due to be end-of-lifed soon, from what I've seen it never sold particularly well. The reason why, I suspect, is because such portable consoles are too complex for their target application. A mobile game needs to be both always on, like a mobile phone or the old Game and Watch, and extremely simple. With both the Game and Watch and mobile phone games, you typically press a single button, and literally the next second, you're playing the game. A person on a train does not want to wait a full minute for a handheld to boot up so that they can play a game. Hell, these days we complain if our desktops take that long!
If Nintendo and the other companies want to make money from handheld devices, they should remember the KISS principle, and why the Game and Watch sold well for them back in the day. It's because it was simple...which people need even more now than they did back then.
They also just announced the next Gizmondo in September. It will apparently come in 2006 and feature wide screen.
Now think about it. You could blow $399 on a model that'll last less than half a year, and doesn't have any games worth playing anyway. Or you could just wait for the frickin' widescreen one, and see if any good games will be available by then.
Makes me wonder wtf are these people smoking. It's like they're actually trying to discourage people from buying one.
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
What about non-English/USA readers? I figure I'm pretty fluent in English, but obscure archaic meanings, such as the jousting meaning for "tilt" are not stuff I run into every day. Even having read Don Quixote, but not in English, I still had to take a trip to the dictionary to understand wth that title means.
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
" hope you're not suggesting that this is a *bad* thing (and I say that as a non-native English speaker)..."
I'm saying that having to go to the dictionary to figure out an obscure archaic meaning of "tilt", that I haven't seen or used before, and likely won't need again in the next 20 years, is... well, maybe not necessarily "bad", but I could have done without that just to understand the title of an article about game consoles.
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
When I see the Gizmondo(didn't know about the advertising interruptiosn), GP32, Zodiac, and the other handheld consoles as of recent, I think of one thing: collectability. Heck, throw in the Wonderswan too.
These suckers probably will lay waste to Nintendo's handheld offerings, and not sell well at all. But I bet within several years these puppies will go for big bucks on eBay. So, to summarize:
1. Buy these handhelds the minute they are available, or go on clearance.
2.
3. eBay Profit!
Because looking at Gizmondo's game offerings(isn't there some game about mowing grass? That sounds like some penny arcade comic come to life), there isn't much enjoyment to be derived from these.
I have to ask the question. Ok, so they've spent boku $$ and they want to recoup some of the loss, but releasing a DOA device is just going to harm their company not help it.
Think of the Ngage (stop laughing I have a point)imagine if Nokia had actually LISTENED to the feedback prior to releasing it. Gone back, made the next gen version (like they did with the QD) and released that as the Ngage.
All the complaints would've disappeared, they would've had a solid product that may have been able to carve out a bit of a niche between the PSP and the GBA.
But no they had to release a POS and now every product they release is tainted by that initial one.
Plus the implicit message that Nokia doesn't understand gamers and their desires.
To Tiger I can only say:
Suck it up. Go back to the drawing board. Fix the problems, or this will be your last forray into the world of handheld gaming.
Plus having to pay 200+ extra just to get a unit that doesn't play ads? WTF??
Sadly this also soon to be extinct company also chose the name "Tiger"... apparently this tiger has nothing to do with that wonderful group of mongoloids that made the game.com
Perhaps there is some mental disorder in which people who name their company Tiger also come out with ridiculously ill-concieved handhelds...
...someone should do a study.
TRHOnline - Staggering Towards Brilliance
I bought a Gizmondo just for fun, bad choice i thought. Then i conviced one of the employees from Gizmondo Studios to give me sample of Colors... Guys, you would not believe what i have experienced on this portable device.. There is no Sony or Nintendo in the world who can achive that! I will definitely hold on to my Giz, i even sold out my PSP..
Err, the game.com was always very low cost, the reason being that its components (screen, controls, etc) were absolute shit. At launch it cost $70 (compared to $100 for Game Boy), and later dropped to $30.