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Buy Vista or Else

Posted by Zonk on from the make-you-an-offer dept.

theodp writes "Upgrade or keep crashing was the tagline when Windows XP was introduced. So how will Windows Vista be marketed? 'I'd hate to see something bad happen to your PC,' seems to be one pitch. Even if new features won't get you to upgrade to Vista, you should buy Vista for the security, urged Windows Chief Jim Allchin. Are commercials featuring Tony Soprano next? Bada Bing!"

25 of 539 comments (clear)

  1. quote? by Prong_Thunder · · Score: 5, Funny

    "nice computer you got here... be a shame if it crashed...."

  2. People actually pay for articles like this by heinousjay · · Score: 5, Funny

    This is all about anti-Microsoft masturbatory geekspasms, right? Let the games begin:

    Yeah, Winblows security? They haven't reimplemented enough of Unix to be secure yet.
      - or -
    Sure, it's secure - it can't be pwned when the new RSOD feature is active.

    Well, I've shot my wad.

    --
    Slashdot - where whining about luck is the new way to make the world you want.
    1. Re:People actually pay for articles like this by ScrewMaster · · Score: 2, Funny

      One of the quality assurance guys at work claims to receive "bugasms" when he finds a particularly juicy one.

      --
      The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
  3. Or we will shoot this dog by HeavyMS · · Score: 5, Funny

    The link to rule them all :
    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:Windowsvistamar keting.jpg

  4. Upgrade! by Jane_Dozey · · Score: 4, Funny

    Or we'll send Balmer around with this chair...

    --
    Silly rabbit
  5. It could get worse? by kamikaze2112 · · Score: 5, Funny

    'I'd hate to see something bad happen to your PC'

    Jeez, if it's alredy got windows on it, how much worse can it possibly get?? *ducks*

    1. Re:It could get worse? by pvt_medic · · Score: 2, Funny

      you guys are all so critical Microsoft products dont suck, they are now making vacuum cleaners.

      --
      30% Troll, 50% Underrated, 10% Interesting
      Score:5, Troll
  6. The jokes keep on coming. by TubeSteak · · Score: 4, Funny

    Buy Vista... or someone might throw a chair at you.

    In Soviet Russa, Windows Vista pays you protection money

    Take your pick folks, I'll be here till Sunday.

    --
    [Fuck Beta]
    o0t!
    1. Re:The jokes keep on coming. by jcupitt65 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Upgrade to Windows Vista because, thanks to XP product activation, we know where you live.

  7. I knew it! by Ardeocalidus · · Score: 4, Funny

    As long as I don't find my computer's monitor in my bed, I'm not upgrading.

    1. Re:I knew it! by Galt_Drakor · · Score: 2, Funny

      Then just install a unix variant. They don't mind running headless!

  8. Re:Shiny shiny! by Anonymous+Poodle · · Score: 2, Funny

    They sold me--I can't wait to install it on my new MacBook . . . . .

  9. Also comes to mind is... by Vorondil28 · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...Ballmer.

    "Fucking XP users are fucking pussies. I'm going to fucking bury them, I have done it before, and I will do it again...I'm going to fucking kill anybody that doesn't upgrade."

    --
    This sig rocks the casbah.
  10. Or else what... by panth0r · · Score: 2, Funny

    You'll send the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths that shoot bees when the bark?

    --
    I like suggestions, but I don't like contributing towards them.
  11. Windows Vista tagline: by mrobin604 · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Windows Vista: Now you can let someone else tell you what you can do with your data."

  12. Re:linux? OS X? by dangitman · · Score: 2, Funny
    Just find the projector and route PowerPoint through it.

    But wouldn't someone then stab you to death for using Powerpoint? I don't see the advantage in being dead.

    --
    ... and then they built the supercollider.
  13. Re:linux? OS X? by Insensitive_Claudio · · Score: 2, Funny

    Little in features??? Did you see the screenshots???? Dude, they have frosted glass with semi-transparent drop-shadows!!! Are you out of your mind!!!! Geez!!!

  14. Re:Seamless switch? by sd_diamond · · Score: 5, Funny

    We labelled the OpenOffice Writer icon as "Microsoft Word", for instance, and people didn't know the difference.

    We need to talk.

    --Sincerely,
    Microsoft Legal Dept.

  15. Re:Security by Jezza · · Score: 2, Funny

    Blakey Rat said: "And it only takes 4 days to get your video capture card working, that is, if you can manage it at all!"

    Sure, but at least it won't get a Virus and send a picture of you in your undercrackers to Paris Hilton's cell phone. :-)

  16. Buy this OS or we shoot the dog by scotty1024 · · Score: 2, Funny

    I installed a fresh copy (no pun intended) of Windows XP SP2 from MSDN on VIrtual PC 7 (after trying Vista and learning you can't install Vista on VIrtual PC on a Mac either...) and did my usual defrag after instal. Only 9,000 files. Can you believe it? I hadn't remembered how little one actually gets from MS for $199.

    So yeah, they need to do something like the old magazine cover and print the picture of a dog on the front of the box with a Dirty Harry gun pointed at it. They certainly don't put much inside the box to get you to buy it...

  17. Re:Security by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
    1. Windows 3.1: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    2. Windows 95: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    3. Windows 98: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    4. Windows 2000: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    5. Windows XP: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    6. Windows 2003: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    7. Windows Vista: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    8. Windows 2009: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    9. Windows 2012: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    10. Windows 2015: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    11. Windows 2018: SELL it, CRASH it, and FORGET it.
    12. ...
    Microsoft will have a problem, it cann't solve the exhaustive list of problems: Microsoft is a problem for the National Security.
  18. ahh not thanks I gave at the office by wap911 · · Score: 2, Funny

    I have already switched in Oct 2005 to SimplyMEPIS and it's simply...

    As for LongNose / Vista or whatever I let me get my last word in before emoticons are patented into uselessness > ,,!,,

    'nuf said

    Hear that Billy G. ,,!,, ,,!,, ,,!,,

  19. Re:Security by m.lp.ql.m · · Score: 2, Funny

    > 12. ...
    13. Profit!

  20. Re:Security by ClamIAm · · Score: 2, Funny
    The best output I ever got from the cat

    Dude people are running Linux on cats now?

  21. Or, by The+Cisco+Kid · · Score: 2, Funny

    Gee, I wouldnt want anything bad to happen to your PC. You know, you really shouldnt be running Windows on that, or anything from Microsoft - you're just asked for one of around a million or so various trojan horses or other exploits that turn your PC into a spam or porn relay, steal your private data, or at best just severely cripple its performance.