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Gadgets for the Lazy
theodp writes "The Pentagon has found the perfect way to demonstrate it's purely the thought that counts - 700 bugle emulators which sit in real bugles and play 'Taps' at military funerals. The Ceremonial Bugle is just one item in Wired's collection of Gadgets for the Lazy."
are diapers with an IP address, so I can log in to them. Not for my kid, for me.
No need to read the article! The entire article is in the summary!
The editor's are getting the idea now!
Didn't read TFA, so I don't know if it mentions this, but the Taps-playing device is not for the lazy, but rather because there is a shortage of actual trumpet players for military funerals. A lot of burials are having to resort to using CD players; at least with these gadgets some of the ceremony is retained.
As an unemployed bugle player, I find this disappointing. :)
Seriously though, trumpet is one of the most common instruments taught in High School, and bugles are super easy to play (for a brass player). I'm positive they could find people to do this, they just don't care enough to even look.
I'd rather have a bad bugle player at a funeral of a friend, then some stupid souless gadget..
Not nearly as tacky as someone who can't play the bugle.
Don't blame me, I didn't vote for either of them!
...I wonder if they'll get an orchestra to play the theme to the Empirial March or just pop the sound track in the nearest car stereo?
:-\
Tom Caudron
http://tom.digitalelite.com/politics.html
P.S. Attended a military funeral a couple of years ago. They played taps on a tape player. This device is a step UP not down from that experience.
-Tom
"The Pentagon has found the perfect way to demonstrate it's purely the thought that counts - 700 bugle emulators which sit in real bugles and play 'Taps' at military funerals. The Ceremonial Bugle is just one item in Wired's collection of Gadgets for the Lazy."
How about a Gadget that you can insert into singers that plays the national anthem correctly at sports events?
TFA:
It's not clear how else you would dry your shoes, but this smacks of laziness.Personally I think not riding your bike to work because you might get your shoes wet in the rain smacks of laziness but maybe thats just me.
http://michaelsmith.id.au
As a trumpet player, who has played taps many times, I can tell you taps is *not* the easiest thing to play. While you may be able to get a freshman to hack it out, it requires quite a bit of work to actually sound good. You're also playing very exposed- if you make a mistake, you can't cover it up. And lastly, you're usually playing cold- you haven't played a note for the past half-hour or more. My trumpet teacher thinks taps is the *hardest* thing to play on trumpet, not the easiest.
From the article: "Due to a shortage of actual bugle players, the Pentagon had already ordered 700 of these to be used at military funerals in 2003." To be used in 2003? Are we a bit late on this story?
Right! They could wake the dead! Waaaait a minute...
I was thinking to myself "how lazy can people be?" when I realized that I was actively using one of the devices in the article:
http://www.theemptyroom.com/ST_14.jpg
: /
I hate to prove their point, but i find it annoying to have to scroll down under the text to read about the device. I wish there was a gadget to do it for me.
I played trumpet. The bugle is pretty much the same thing, minus the valves. You are thus restricted to a limited set of notes, and must choose your notes by mouth alone.
The restriction isn't anything like "one octave". It's more like "two notes per octave". To get enough notes to make a decent tune out of that, you'll need some extreme range. Building that range can take a long time. Mouth strength doesn't arrive in a matter of days.
There would also be something wrong if the bugle player hadn't gone through basic training. He wouldn't be a real soldier without that gas chamber.
Because of the shortage of available buglers, a group was formed to help aid the military in properly honoring our veterans. If you need their services, or wish to volunteer, go to the website.
I played trombone in high school, and "Taps" is easily played without any valving (or slide, in the case of the trombone) changes. If the mouthpieces are the same, a bugle is just a simple trumpet.
I read somewhere that prior to the invention of the trumpet valves, similar versatility would be achieved by owning multiple bugles or having multiple bugle players, each with a different bugle. Different length of tubing = different notes you can play.
It's my guess that there isn't a shortage of competent players in the country (any high school with a band program should have several) but a shortage of MILITARY bugle players. You don't send the 16-year-old kid with long hair to play taps at the funeral; you want the adult, with short hair and military uniform. This device lets any military-type person play taps.
The preferred solution is to not have a problem.
Damned bugle emulator was playing a pirated mp3 of "Taps".
I scream. You scream. I assume that means we're both acquainted with the problem. We proceed.
You know what? I grew up in a music store, and played at most all instruments. Fifty grand won't help --- even fifty grand a year won't help. There are only so many people with the "lip".
We're burying a couple thousand WWII vets a month now....
I have to chime in as this is something near to my heart. In fact, a Navy buddy of mine taught himself to play the Bugle a few years back for exactly this reason. Anyway, I begin my list.
1. To the smart ass that stated that they "can't be looking too hard if they can't find a trumpet player"...it's a bugle, not a trumpet. While I play neither, it is my understanding that a trumpeter cannot simply pick up a bugle and play it (especially well enough to do funeral detail).
2. Funeral details are NOT fun. After a while, it gets a little depressing. It is constant (not on weekends for 5 minutes as someone said). You stand endlessly in either blazing sun or freezing cold. You're in full dress (the most uncomfortable uniform ever designed). If you've never been to a national cemetary, then visit. There are funerals going on all day, every day, never ending. Families are limited to about 15 minutes at the graveside to make room/time for those processions scheduled behind them. Blah blah blah.
3. There is a shortage because the bugle is not a common instrument in band these days. Few people who join the military do so to play an instrument, and fewer still that do want to play funerals. Most do a rotation on funeral honors, but more often than not, the task falls to Reservists and retirees.
It's sad, but at least having someone stand there and hold a bugle while appearing to play it is better (to the grieving families) than having someone hit play on a boom box. Unless there are plans to have compulsory bugle duty and compulsory funeral detail, I think this is about the best solution that can be reached.
Screw all of you. WW2 vets have been dieing at a rate of 1000 a day up until 2004. It dropped because there were just not as many left to die. No problem though because the 2400 killed in Iraq and 200+ in Afghanistan have picked up some of the slack and the Vietnam vets are just starting to die at significant rates. We take great pains to ensure the family never sees the "device" and Taps is "played" perfectly every time - no missed notes, no errors. This is not like playing at your local talent show. These are very emotional events even for those of us on funeral detail who likely know nothing of the person being buried. It is a solemn tradition we are all proud to participate in. Every time I do one I remind myself that some day someone will do the same for me. Amazon, Google and every other company in the world wont give a dam about you the day after you quit or retire. We take care of our own no mater how long they served. After burying one of my good friends killed in Iraq this year I will never hear Taps without tearing up.
That's great, but it ruins the whole funeral when the guy pushes the "Revellie" (morning wake-up) button by mistake.
Have you ever wondered How to Take Over
I know how you feel about the emotion. I never had to bury someone I knew, but after doing over 100 funerals, I too cannot hear taps without tearing up.
This information (about mechanical bugles) has been out there for a while, so this is NOT current news.
My father is a WWII vet, and for his birthday two years ago, I (an old brass player) bought a repro 1860 bugle and pledged to play Taps at his funeral. This promise was made specifically in view of the lack of military buglists.
He loved it. And, if I can keep from crying on that inevitable day, and can firm up the embouchour, I'll be proud to lay him to rest.
Four or five people wouldn't be enough to cover a few states, much less the whole country. What most people don't realize is that the military is required to perform every funeral they are asked to do, for all active duty and veterans. I only served four years, but I am eligible for honors. I think you have to be dishonorable discharged to lose that right. When I was on the honor guard at Scott AFB, we did over 2000 funerals in 2000. And it just keeps increasing as more funeral homes find out it's required.
As I (and others) have said before here, this is a hell of a lot better than the CD player we used to use.
Sorry, I'm suddenly pissed off.
Gah - well, I might as well mention to an above poster that said they play roughly two notes per octave, that's only true in the lowest octave. If I know what I'm talking about, a bugle is roughly equivalent to a trumpet with the first and third valves held down. Regardless of what valves are down for any combination the lowest octave can play two notes with that key combination (8 total), the next octave plays roughly 4 (I'm thinking of the open combo - you *can* play a high Bb open, it just isn't so pretty) and the higher you go the more notes you can play with a given key combo. It's actually pretty complex because some combos mean you can't accurately hit the note without "lipping" it up or down some. Again, a competent player can do so with little effort.
Thank you for your service. I can not believe the ignorance of the previous posts that think this is a job for Joe Trumpeter (I say this as never serving). I burried my grandfather (WWII Navy vet) and Taps was played from a CD player. The young sailor presented the flag to my grandmother with a tear in his eye. This is not the place for an outsider. Thank you.
I have hardly met a person who couldn't work out how to play taps in under an hour of playing.
Agreed. Taps isn't all that hard to play. What is hard, though, is to play Taps *well*. The notes are easy, but smooth, crisp transitions between them and a nice tone require practice. I once attended a military funeral with a bugler who had a nasty, buzzing tone, bobbled note changes and who had a hard time with the high notes. It would have been a better ceremony if they had used a bugling device. The bad redition of Taps was embarassing and distracting. That's okay for evening Taps at camp, but not for a funeral.
Note to ACs: I usually delete AC replies without reading them. If you want to talk to me, log in.
Years ago ( 1992-1996 ) I served with The Commandant's Own, United States Marine Drum & Bugle Corps. I'd like to address two things:
Funerals
When we talk about a bugle playing taps we are talking about a "simple funeral" ( a full honors funeral consists of a complete band ) and we are also typically talking about a field music playing taps on a Bb Trumpet because the U.S. Military only has 2 D&B corps left. One is The Commandant's Own in Washington, DC and the other is the U.S. Naval Academy Drum & Bugle Corps. I'm not sure how the USNA D&B works but the USMC D&B has a Duty Music of the Guard and an on-call rotation of upper-voice ( Soprano & Mellophone players ) musicians for funerals. Lower voices ( baritone and contra-bass baritone players ) do not do funerals for what should be an obvious reason. The means there are only several dozen musicans available for funerals and most of them are not available due to other operational committments of the organization. That said, they perform at hundreds of simple funerals per year in the Washington, DC area. The families of the fallen servicemen who receive these last honors are truely the lucky ones. I've witnessed many funerals and they are truely emotiona.
Thoroughout the rest of the nation simple honors funerals are perfomed by musicians from various field bands of the U.S. Military, national guard bands and volunteers from Bugles across America. They do their best to meet the mission but the sad fact is that WWII veterens are dying at a rate of couple thousand per day. Many unfortunatly, do not get proper last honors.
Bugles:
I've seen many posts in this thread with misconceptions of what a bugle is. In the military context the bugles are 2 valved ( pistons ) instruments that are pitched in G. The first valve lowers the pitch by 2 semitones and the 2nd valve lowers the pitch by a semitone. This provides for a full chromatic scale in the instruments middle range. Some notes in the lower registers are missing. Music is written to the treble clef and arranged in SATB format. Typically it's Upper and Lower Lead, 2nd and 3rd Soprano. Upper/Lower Melophones. 1st, 2nd and 3rd Baritones ( 8vb ) and Contrabass Baritone ( 15vb ).
Okay, trumpet/bugle/cornet/etc players. Put your instrument where your mouth is and volunteer.
Bugles Across America needs volunteers.
Wired has a long and annoying history of making kneejerk lists that reflect an ignorance of the world around them, particularly the fact that there are a lot of people with special needs.
In this article they are clearly targeting, as forms of social criticism against people who are lazy:
1. The Motor Lounger: something for genuine lazy tards
2. Ice-cream turner: A gag gift
3. Computer in bed: Something that any geek who has ever been confined to a bed would drool over (but I guess we don't care about invalids).
4. The bird 2.0: Another gag gift (I mean, did someone with no sense of humor write this humorous article about lazy people gadgets)
5. Body dryer: Again, I guess we have never heard of invalids. Because of this article I am going to buy one of these for my grandmother who cannot lift her arm over her head to dry her back or hair (I guess ignorance and narrow minded bigotry does yield some edible fruit).
6. Bugle emulator: Since the whole thread is about this one I'm going to leave it alone
7. Shoe mops: I guess this was a candidate. I'd have put the Chopsticks fan http://www.mindbreakers.com/mb/img/invention7.jpg in its place, but I don't think the writer was trying too hard to find things that are genuinely about saving effort.
8. The Disc Pod: Well, I can't think of a useful purpose for this one
9. Lazy drinker: As a former caterer I can tell you that this would save thousands and thousands of dollars over a year. This is clearly not aimed at the home user.
10. Sushi machine: Same story. This is for people who have to feed lots of people regularly for cheap. Not for yuppies trying to live an urban lifestyle in their kitchen.
11. iPod bed: Yup. This is a gadget for the spoiled and lazy.
12. AIBO dog: I am curious what it says about the editor of the column that he thought the AIBO dog qualified for this article. It's a toy, dumbass.
13. Wireless cooking thermometer: I guess the author likes leaning into a blazing hot oven trying to read a mechanical gadget that's not accurate and only slightly cheaper than this item. I mean why not dispense with tools altogether and just eat it raw. Really, is this seriously supposed to save time somehow? I guess we could all go back to mechanical watches too since digital is just soooo lazy, natch the fact that they are more reliable, last longer, can be read in the dark and cost a fraction of the price.
14. Shoe dryer: Do people get their shoes wet often enough to need this? If they do then, yes, I think it would be genuinely useful. Last tme I got my shoes wet I put them by the radiator and they took three days to dry in winter.
15. Eyeglasses washer: Uh, I don't wear glasses, but I'm guessing that if I ran a shop that sold them that I'd have one of these in the back.
16. Electric fly swatter: Yeah, this is about the dumbest thing I've seen too.
17. Roomba: Well, I think it's neat, but I have to admit it qualifies for the article.
18. Hot dog toaster, okay, it's stupid, but jeez it would be fun to use the first day you have it before it clutters a spot on the top shelf for the next eight years till the kids are old enough to use it themselves. Hell, I used to wrap a dog up in a paper towel and put it in the microwave. Tasted just like the ball park (seats) and it was easier to use than this gadget looks.
19. How exactly is this easier than pouring it from the carton? Have you ever squeezed a whole orange? I think this falls into the dumb category along with the Subway chin rest http://www.mindbreakers.com/mb/img/invention1.jpg, but for the lazy? I don't get it.
Maybe I'm just lacking in a sense of humor, but I think the the guys who put this article together were either slammed up against a deadline or just enjoyed any excuse to be mean. Like th
As many others have pointed out, we use these (we have three of them)not because of laziness, but because no one has the skill set required to play the bugle -well-. The actual device is a small player that fits exactly inside the bell of a real bugle, so it resonates and has a far nicer tone than a tape recorder, plus looks much better. We have had numerous compliments on our "bugle player", and even those that could tell the difference feel that it is much better than a tape recorder.
I only attended one funeral where the bugle was specifically -not- requested... it was for a WWII Merchant Marine vet who was a member of a jazz band, and his buddies not only plyed taps, but did little improvisational riffs throughout hte service.