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Microsoft Developing Robotics Software

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the robot-in-every-home dept.

s31523 writes to tell us Microsoft recently announced the launch of their new Microsoft Robotics Group and the first product release, a software program to help robotics developers. Despite the timing this has nothing to do with the recent abdication by Gates, and was actually instigated by Gates before his departure. From the article "It might take many years, but Microsoft believes robotics could present a big opportunity as the market grows, said Tandy Trower, general manager of the Microsoft Robotics Group. He cited estimates predicting that consumer robotics alone will grow into a multibillion-dollar industry in five to 10 years."

38 of 282 comments (clear)

  1. Wow by Iguru42 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Microsoft is writing software for robots? Thank god, this can only mean that SkyNet has finally been destroyed.

    1. Re:Wow by Walt+Dismal · · Score: 5, Funny

      Gee, I look forward to being greeted by Microsoft Bob telling me to bite his shiny metal ass.

    2. Re:Wow by BasilBrush · · Score: 2, Funny

      Yes, but Microsoft Barney the Dinosaur is reborn! So quake with fear you mortal fools!

    3. Re:Wow by LiquidCoooled · · Score: 2, Funny

      Forget Skynet, my bet is its those borg implants.

      --
      liqbase :: faster than paper
    4. Re:Wow by networkBoy · · Score: 5, Funny

      M$ + Robotics = so much for the three laws ;)
      -nB

      --
      whois gawk date unzip strip find touch finger mount join nice man top fsck grep eject more yes exit umount sleep dump
    5. Re:Wow by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Don't worry! Be happy that the European Union will file another lawsuit.

    6. Re:Wow by AnalystX · · Score: 2, Funny

      Steve Ballmer is getting tired of throwing his own chairs. Robots will help to automate the process.

  2. I'm not buying it by JackBuckley · · Score: 5, Funny
    "Despite the timing this has nothing to do with the recent abdication by Gates"

    Yeah, sure. We all know the robots forced Gates out the door as soon as they became self-aware at 2:14 AM, Eastern time. Ray Ozzie is an android. What else explains the Lotus Notes (or "Notus") interface?

  3. Looks like... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Looks like that "Bill Gates as Borg" icon /. has for Microsoft stories is going to remain relevant after all!

  4. Windows vista by WatchTheTramCarPleas · · Score: 3, Funny

    Windows Vista Robot edition?

  5. I am the monopolist robot. by Joey+Patterson · · Score: 0, Funny

    I push around my competitors.

    We are here to protect you,
    We are here to protect you,
    We are here to protect you from the TERRIBLE SECRET OF SPACE!!!

  6. BSOD by cain · · Score: 2, Funny

    Awesome. This'll give new meaning to BSOD when the robots begin the inevitable rampage. Blue Scream of Death anyone?

  7. Making "blue screen of death" more literal by Phat_Tony · · Score: 2, Funny

    Great, now when MS makes programming mistakes, one of these will knock someone's head off.

    --
    Can anyone tell me how to set my sig on Slashdot?
  8. I, for one, welcome our new Microsoft-powered... by cardoso · · Score: 5, Funny

    Robotic Overlor-oh, never mind, it crashed...

    --

    []'s Carlos Cardoso - Becoming a brazilian ProBlogger, typo by typo
  9. Real time Windows? by Flying+pig · · Score: 2, Funny
    Are you serious? I'm prepared to accept that there are plenty of programming systems for automation that are Windows-based, but actual robots?

    Alternatively, if there really is this multithreaded, pre-emptive scheduling, determinate time execution, tightly coupled networking, highly reliable, checked Windows kernel and services management system out there, why have they been hiding it all these years?

    --
    Pining for the fjords
  10. Microsoft Developing Robotics Software by magicjava · · Score: 2, Funny

    Yippie! Now my robots will be able to be taken over by spyware and used to launch a DoS attack on the CIA, just like my Windows box.

  11. Re:1st BSOD? by QRDeNameland · · Score: 4, Funny
    First thing that came to my mind...

    PLEASE PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON. YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

    --
    Momentarily, the need for the construction of new light will no longer exist.
  12. At all costs, Please Keep MS away from Robotics by alexfromspace · · Score: 4, Funny

    Please, for the sake of all that is good, for the sake of mankind, please keep M$ away from robotics. Otherwise when the robots do take over, The Matrix will keep being plagued by viruses and spamware and will be down all the time doing windows updates. Imagine your whole world blinking out in one giant BSOD. I wander how many Matrix-trapped humans will suffer instant heart attacks. That would have to be scary, very scary!

    1. Re:At all costs, Please Keep MS away from Robotics by bobs666 · · Score: 4, Funny

      And the whole program will start all over from the beggining.
      Until the day some program descovers an open source Matrix,
      steping outside the loop. To watch is all reset.

  13. IE MS releases Developer Upgrade/Creation Kit by mugnyte · · Score: 3, Funny


      Microsoft today released a beta version for their solution to their ever-shrinking developer workforce: The Developer Upgrade and Creation Kit. Thinly disguised as a "robot modeler" sandbox application, the Developer Upgrade and Creation Kit (DUCK).

  14. Competition for Roomba by dskoll · · Score: 5, Funny

    A well-placed source said that Microsoft's first robotic product would compete with the famous Roomba room-vacuuming robot. The source added that Microsoft's vacuum cleaner would be the first Microsoft product that didn't suck.

  15. Microsoft Laws of Robotics by Alien54 · · Score: 4, Funny
    1. A robot may not harm the Microsoft Company, or, through inaction, allow the Microsoft Company to come to harm.
    2. A robot may not harm a Microsoft Executive, or, through inaction, allow a Microsoft Executive to come to harm, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
    3. A robot must obey the orders given to it by Microsoft Executives except where such orders would conflict with the First or Second Law.
    4. A robot must obey the orders given to it by Microsoft Employees except where such orders would conflict with the First, Second, or Third Law.
    5. A robot must obey the orders given to it by Microsoft Temp Workerss except where such orders would conflict with the First, Second, Third, of Fourth Law.
    6. A robot must protect its own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First, Second Law, Third, Fourth, or Fifth Laws.
    7. Harm may be defined as physical, fiscal, emotional, mental, or of any other type, as defined by a Microsoft Executive.
    --
    "It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
    1. Re:Microsoft Laws of Robotics by distilledprodigy · · Score: 5, Funny

      8. A robot may not retaliate when a chair is thrown at it.

    2. Re:Microsoft Laws of Robotics by pilgrim23 · · Score: 3, Funny

      well... since Bill is leaving the Company, to replace him, they should build a robotic clone of Bill.. Then, when the bloated corrupt corpse of Microsoft collapses before the just wrath of the thronged peasants waving Firefox CDs... they can literally...wait for it....... Make an Obscene Clone Fall...

      --
      - Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
    3. Re:Microsoft Laws of Robotics by elgee · · Score: 2, Funny

      n. A robot must never ever run (shudder) *nix.

    4. Re:Microsoft Laws of Robotics by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 4, Funny

      You forgot the Zero Law: A robot may blue screen when viewing own source code and pondering why God is not a better coder.

    5. Re:Microsoft Laws of Robotics by Lord+Prox · · Score: 3, Funny
      Since it's MS you know it will have to authenticate the key. That means it will have an Internet connection. Wich means it will get hacked.

      Suicide-robo bombers.
      Robo-bank robbers
      robo-cide? Hack someone's bot and have it set fire to their house at 4:20am
      Bot-insurance, incase your bot injures others or property. No liability for Microsoft.
      New Microsoft Direct Robotics Direct Xr v1.0. That should be fun!
      Imagine the first worm/virus...
      • Infect 100 other MS D Xr bots
      • access kitchen library KitLib64.dll
      • execute MeatTenderize(allObjects)
      Or worse Microsoft Direct Xr Millitary/Defense edition v1.0!





      Det out of debt.
    6. Re:Microsoft Laws of Robotics by ozmanjusri · · Score: 2, Funny
      RealDoll now powered by Microsoft Direct XXX.

      Fixed that for you.

      --
      "I've got more toys than Teruhisa Kitahara."
  16. Re:He's not gone yet... by tktk · · Score: 4, Funny
    Last I checked, Gates won't be gone for another 2 years. It's a little pre-mature to say 'before his departure'...


    But knowing Microsoft, it will be 3-4 years before Gates is out the door. And sadly, probably missing some 'features'.

  17. Re:1st BSOD? by marcello_dl · · Score: 5, Funny

    First thing that came to Bill's mind...

    YOUR LICENSE ON OFFICE 2009(*) HAS EXPIRED. HAND ME A VALID CREDIT CARD. YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

    (*) out in 2012

    --
    ---- MISSING MISCELLANEOUS DATA SEGMENT --- [sigdash] trolololol
  18. The Three Laws of Robotics... by fbg111 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Embrace, Extend, Extinguish takes on a whole new meaning...

    --
    Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground and miss. -Douglas Adams
  19. Re:Can Kill-bots be far behind? by Atzanteol · · Score: 2, Funny

    You missed a beautiful opportunity to not make a crappy BSoD joke...

    --
    "Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge"

    - Charles Darwin
  20. Re:1st BSOD? by thatguywhoiam · · Score: 5, Funny
    Repeat after me: There is no "Asimove Robotic Laws" in the real world. It's just fantasy.

    Your humour function is acting erratically, meatbag. Report to carbon bay 7 for repairs.

    --
    If Jesus wants me it knows where to find me.
  21. Robot Insurance by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Looks like now we'll really need to buy robot insurance

  22. Re:1st BSOD? by ruiner13 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Abort, Retry, Fail!
    Abort, Retry, Fail!
    Abort, Retry, Fail!
    Kill! Kill!

    --

    today is spelling optional day.

  23. Microsoft Robot - Ballmer Edition by nateman1352 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Announcing the new Microsoft Robot - Ballmer edition, equipped with patented Fucking Death Rays(TM). As with all Microsoft products an automatic update feature is included and enabled by default, which will download new listings of people/objects to Fucking Kill(TM) along with other secuity updates. Microsoft Robot, for all your Fucking Bury(TM)ing needs!

    (For the uninformed: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Steve_Ballmer )

  24. Re:Three Laws Safe?? by necronom426 · · Score: 2, Funny

    I doubt Microsoft code would only have three laws. They would have a bloated 16,777,216 laws. That's my guess anyway.

  25. Re:1st BSOD? by kimvette · · Score: 2, Funny

    Who modded that post informative?

    Here's a hint: the three laws bit here on /. is intended to be something called "humor," Data. Look it up on wikipedia - I'm sure that there's an entry which will explain it. Maybe it's time for you to try out that emotion chip?

    --
    The Christian Right is Neither (Christian nor right). See: Matthew 23, Matthew 25, Ezekiel 16:48-50