Slashdot Mirror
Steve Jobs Personally Resolves Customer Complaint
An anonymous reader writes "The Consumerist recently published a story about an Apple customer who went through support hell with a broken Macbook. After escalating the issue up the support chain, and a month wait for his Macbook, the guy gave up and simply wrote Steve Jobs a blistering flame-mail. So, was he surprised when Jobs' executive assistant responded back the next day! He got both a brand new Macbook, as well as his old one to copy the hard drive. The guy also responded in a comment, and he turns out to be a slashdotter! He even wrote a journal entry here about the story."
How cool would it have been if Steve came to that guys house and rang the doorbell and said "I didn't appreciate the tone of your letter, it was very hurtful." and then just left.
In a world of acronyms, the words are the real victims.
summarized email complaint:
... Maynard", "ripped music', and "TOOL"
"My name is
...and now has an asshole that's about 3 bore sizes larger than it was last week. Yikes.
The only thing more pathetic than a PC user is a PC user trying to be a Mac user. We have a name for you people: switcheurs.
There's a good reason for your vexation at the Mac community's recognition of Apple Inc. as an indivisible entity unto itself: You don't speak its language. Remember that the Mac was designed by artists, for artists, be they poets, musicians, or avant-garde mathematicians. A shiny new Mac can introduce your frathouse hovel to a modicum of good taste, but it can't make Mac users out of dweebs and squares like you.
So don't force what doesn't come naturally. You'll be much happier if you stick to an OS that suits your personality. And you'll be doing the rest of us a favor, too; you leave Macs to Mac users, and we'll leave beige to you.
Steve Jobs is a deity, He came, he was killed (removed from the company) and returned again with salvation for Apple (iPod, iMac, generally making Apple cool)
In a world of acronyms, the words are the real victims.
"So, I installed the WGA update and it mistakenly identified my OS as pirated....after two months of trying to resolve the issue through technical support where I was repeatedly assured that, '...we understand problem...send you SUPER DELUXE answer....next day....you betcha!', I finally contacted Steve Ballmer himself. Amazingly, he showed up at my house the very next day!.....and threw a folding chair at me.....so I bought a MacBook"
[DISCLAIMER: every word of this is BS (duh)]
A goal is a dream with a deadline
BOB SLYDELL: So what you do is you take the specifications from the customers and you bring them down to the software engineers?
TOM: That, that's right.
BOB PORTER: Well, then I gotta ask, then why can't the customers just take the specifications directly to the software people, huh?
TOM: Well, uh, uh, uh, because, uh, engineers are not good at dealing with customers.
BOB SLYDELL: You physically take the specs from the customer?
TOM: Well, no, my, my secretary does that, or, or the fax.
BOB SLYDELL: Ah.
BOB PORTER: Then you must physically bring them to the software people.
TOM: Well...no. Yeah, I mean, sometimes.
BOB SLYDELL: Well, what would you say... you do here?
TOM: Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to!! I have people skills!! I am good at dealing with people!!! Can't you understand that?!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!!!!!!!
u-bend
You start using foreign phrases and shit like that and it just oozes class.
A goal is a dream with a deadline
Oh, goddamnit, foot-on-mouth... I mixed Charles Bronson and Chuck Norris. Fuck.
Circumcision is child abuse.
Well I think the confusion here is over the concept that the assistant came to help.
You see there is more than one Steve Jobs and thus his "assistants" are in fact copies of himself. Thought Apple was outsourcing manufacturing to China or somewhere else? Nope, just a cover ploy to hide the fact that they have a manufacturing plant filled with Jobses.
The reports that XP offers to send to Microsoft, when an application crashes, do not count.
Bill Gates did the same thing once. The guy was found dead, strangled with his own Ethernet cable. I TOLD Uncle Chuck to get wireless, but would he listen...? Now it's too late...
That can't be Steve Jobs! I heard Steve Jobs is 12 feet tall and shoots lightnings with his eyes, and if he were here, he would fix all your laptops with firebolts coming out of his arse!
The saddest poem
People do that to make their tech support issue seem like a bigger deal than it really is. I've heard people say they haven't been able to use their computer for weeks when the only thing that was wrong was the printer cartridge was dry.
-- I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist. It's not my fault that life sucks so much. --
Steve Jobs didn't give birth to the iPod, it sprang from his skull fully grown.
Steve Jobs doesn't code software or fabricate hardware, he sensually caresses raw silicon until it wants to please him.
Steve Jobs' turtleneck is actually his own sleek yet soft and downy coat of fur.
Chuck Norris almost fought Steve Jobs this one time when Chuck's iPod died on him halfway through the kickass guitar solo in "Freebird," but Steve used his powers to not only repair Chuck's iPod, but also did a reality-restore point back to before the crash. Chuck Norris and Steve Jobs have been allies ever since.
Steve Jobs doesn't actually sleep, he astral-projects into other people's dreams. It's how he comes up with new products.
Did I ever tell you about the time Jobs took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Jobs takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half -- until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Jobs yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Jobs: Hello. Apple customer support. This is Steve, how may I help you?
Customer: Hello Steve, my Macbook doesn't recognize the external harddisk.
Jobs: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
filled with Jobses.
All dressed in identical black turtleneck sweaterses, my precious.
Linux, you magnificent bastard, I read the fucking manual!
But what if they all have reality distortion fields!?! Too many Steves and the space-time continuum as we know it could be rent asunder by the BS! Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
I vote for a pre-emptive nuclear strike on Apple's main campus, just to be on the safe side.
Try not to take me more seriously than I take myself.
So Apple has outsourced Jobs to China?
My situation was extreme. I do NOT recommend emailing Mr. Jobs until fully exhausting the Apple support chain. If you have a problem, ask for a supervisor. If the supervisor can't fix it, ask for "customer relations". Call your local Apple store before sending that email (I did). And finally, after a month of hell, if all else fails, well... do a google search and find his current email address...
...
Sorry guys
I wish I would have read this post before I emailed him about getting a new case for my ipod
"You see there is more than one Steve Jobs and thus his "assistants" are in fact copies of himself."
That could explain the $1 salary... Is there just a main Jobs who's underpaying the hell out of his clones and hording the rest for himself?
From: mediakit@brandvia.com
To: "'byte me'"
CC: Susan.Ryan@sun.com, detlef.matthies@brandvia.com
Subject: RE: solaris 10 dvd
Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2007 15:46:42 -0700
Dear BYTEME,
Thank you for your inquiry regarding the Solaris 10 and Sun Studio 11
DVD
Media kit. The overwhelming response to this free software program has
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steadily to meet your needs. Upon reviewing our database, we were
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find an order that matched the information you have provided. Did you
receive a confirmation e-mail? If so, please forward the e-mail to
this
address, and we will send a kit to you as soon as possible. We
apologize for
any inconvenience this may cause and thank you for your patience.
Regards,
Renée
________________________________
Customer Service Office 408.955.1742 Fax 408.955.0506 BrandVia
Alliance, Inc. 2200 Zanker Road Suite B San Jose, CA 95131
It's payback time.
Dream on, Ballmer.
-jcr
The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."