Slashdot Mirror
Class Teaches Nerds Social Skills
PeterAitch writes "According to Reuters, Potsdam University in Germany is now teaching social skills as part of their IT courses. This is intended to 'ease entry into the world of work'. The 440 students enrolled in the master's degree course will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and emails, impress people at parties and cope with rejection(s)." The class is taught by a superficial model, who will fall in love with the nerdiest student at the end of the semester after realizing that he is beautiful on the inside.
"According to Reuters, Potsdam University in Germany is now teaching social skills as part of their IT courses. This is intended to 'ease entry into ..... a superficial model, who will fall in love with the nerdiest student at the end of the semester after realizing that he is beautiful on the inside.
I flirt with that hot female blood elf on WoW, you insensitive clod!
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits" - Albert Einstein
Don't start conversations by shouting "first post" after someone mentions a subject.
Each week the nerds will be tested on a combination of technical ability and geek trivia to win immunity to the social challenge. The loser of the challenge will have to leave the show to the bellow of Ogre from "Revenge of the Nerds."
According to Reuters, Potsdam University in Germany is now teaching social skills as part of their IT courses. This is intended to 'ease entry into ... a superficial model, who will ... love ... the end ... after realizing that he is ... inside.
It must suck if/when you fail it though....
I have left slashdot and am now on Soylent News. FUCK YOU DICE.
Where was this course when I went to college.
Social Intelligence is a skill that can be taught and learned. That is how most people get it although somewhat unconsciously. Inherent personality does play a role which is why "Nerds" have to work harder at learning it.
Because the majority of the world runs on Social IQ more than we like to admit.
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." -Thomas Szasz
Remember, Kevin Mitnick was a computer hacker, but an even better social engineer.
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, START
he is beautiful on the inside.
... And he has the X-Rays to prove it.
When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
Back when I went to MIT, the normal class load was four classes per semester and one of those classes was required to be a humanities class (strictly speaking, you didn't actually have to take exactly one per semester but you had to end up with equivalent totals).
I suppose that there were a variety of justifications for that requirement. At a pragmatic level, a lot of the HR and management types would probably resent someone who didn't take any humanities classes in college. The official justification for the policy, though, was that it would somehow help with social skills.
In retrospect, idea that studying ancient literature, for example, will actually help a student's social skills is questionable at best. My attitude these days is that if MIT had really wanted to improve their student's social skills then they should have had them take such classes directly.
While much of the classical Freudian psychology is of dubious value, there are aspects of modern psychology that take a pragmatic approach to interpersonal relationships, and managing emotions generally, and these modern approaches can actually be quite successful.
So, while I'm skeptical that science and technology students should be required to take humanities classes at all, if humanities classes are going to be required then they might as well actually be useful - like how to get a date (and deal with the rejection).
> ...how to write flirtatious text messages and emails...
And get arrested for sexual harrassment.
> ...impress people at parties...
"Impressive! I bet he took courses in being a boor!"
> ...and cope with rejection(s)...
Sulking works fine. Go away and leave me alone.
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
Many of the "nerds" I know are not socially inept because of lack of training. It's because they have a disorder or disease. Not bathing, incredibly wierd behaivoir, etc... The "hot chick" is not going to date you because you are...
1 - dressed like a wierdo. Sorry Emo/Goth is not cool.. It's as bad as dressing in a star trek shirt.
2 - Social tact, you have to actually have some.
3 - Hygene.. good god, take a bath, discover toothpaste, and deodorant, cheap cologne is not a substitute.
4 - There are no good pick up lines. Stop trying, stop reading the speed seduction books, they do not work if you do not understand human psychology and look like a "hunk" or at least semi cute to a woman.
5 - Nerdy = dorky and repellant. the second you mention you're a top notch national MTG player they will ask to go to the bathroom and never come back. Magic the Gathering is NOT COOL, nor any of your really nerdy activities.
Now all bets are off if you find a nerdy girl. I strongly suggest never even trying for the hotties and look only for nerdy girls. Librarians tend to be nerdy and incredibly sexually creative. Honestly a HOT CHICK is not worth the pain of their upkeep, and maintenance.
Find a nerdy chick that is a bit of a sex freak and you got a incredible relationship.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
Though on the other hand I've never got myself a carrier since I've been looking for love & friendship instead but never found any...
It sounds like a modem problem to me.
A lot of homeschooled kids end up socially disfunctional because they aren't put into extra curricular activities where most socializing happens even in public schools.
You could probably learn just as much as the class teaches by joining clubs and sports teams. You learn how to interact with people by being around people.
A lot of it is just getting past your fears and putting yourself out there. The more you do it the more your fear lessens or at least your ability to deal with it improves.
Work Safe Porn
As children (4th thru 6th grade) my wife and I attended a once-a-week school for the gifted in Okaloosa County, Florida (think Destin-area) as the gifted program. Not only was it like college, where you signed up for classes in things like Chemistry, Children's Theatre, or Visual Arts - but they had an amazing class called "Looking Good". Dr. Christensen taught one class for girls, and one for boys on etiquette, dating, ballroom dancing, hygiene, etc. At the end of the year, they held a dance at which the two classes would interact. I have to say it left a huge impression on me over the years - and I feel my life, particularly in social situations, was greatly enriched by her program and teaching.
meh
I also wonder if this should really be teached in class...
Like English? ;)
Developers: We can use your help.
Alternatively take a leaf out of the parent's book and piss your life away being an internet troll.
Says the person who is feeding him......
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
nom nom nom nom
Being a nerd implies a lack of social grace. Being a nerd also implies a thirst for knowledge. It's hard to "learn" behavior if you've already been socially (and mentally) stamped into a box. I personally think this is a cool idea for a class. Just think how YOU would respond if they brought in Jeri Ryan as a guest speaker!
I also wonder if this should really be teached in class...
Like English? ;)
Shut up, kidspeak is a legitimate dialect, just like ebonics and legalese. /satire
VLC FOR MAC IS DYING! IF YOU DEVELOP, PLEASE SAVE IT!!
Aspergers is the psychiatry honeypot of the next decade. It's a measure of the confusion when you get an economy that screams "specialize" with a guy too busy specializing to talk to babes and catch bass off the coral reef.
But since all four of the major economic industries just melted, specialization will be the way to survive, in weird little eddy current niches.
My first Journal Entry ever, in 8 years! http://slashdot.org/journal/365947/aphelion-scifi-fantasy-horror-poetry-webzine
The reason why nerds have that weird behavior is because they can get away with it. This is because they essentially have nothing to lose, and the capital that I'm referring to here is acceptance and validation by his peers. Since he knows he would never "get anywhere" with them anyway, he has no incentive to have the hygiene or tact that you mention.
If his self-esteem is even lower, then he claims those "outsider" social trappings (emo/goth) as part of his identity. This is a way for outsiders to gain companionship, but, inside, many of them want out.
The only way for an individual to gain self-esteem is to earn it. It can't be given to him by teachers who hand out "Good Job!" stickers to all students regardless of effort. An individual has to meet people, make friends, take chances, stand up for himself, refuse to be abused, be positive, and be funny. If he's rewarded for that behavior with more friends, then he gains self-esteem.
High school teaches us nerds all the wrong things about human interaction. Being punished for our choices drives us farther into seclusion and "nerdy" behavior.
Teaching "social skills" won't fix anything. Instead, send people to therapy and help them find ways to rebuild their destroyed self-esteem. Telling a nerd, "Bathe every once in a while!" is not going to do him any good if, inside, he says to himself: "I'm not worth the effort."
My self-esteem was destroyed when I was 12. It took me until I was 34 to earn it back.
I don't make the rules. I just make fun of them.
Surely the point of the training is that some nerds don't know the point at which ordinary human interaction becomes harassment, and because of this either fail to communicate or get into trouble. I didn't know this and then ended up in what was nearly a single sex university (Cambridge at the end of the 60s) - it took several years in the world of work to recover.
It's also worth pointing out that when nerds do get married, which they usually do, it often turns out very well. Low divorce rates, successful children. The application of intelligence to human relationships is not a bad idea.
From scarped cliff or quarried stone she cries "A thousand types are gone, I care for nothing, no not one."
At very bottom rung of the self-esteem ladder is furries. No matter who you are or what you are into, you will be accepted into a furry community. It's a great big love-fest over there. It's no surprise that there are so many gay guys and nerdy guys among furries: both of them have traditionally had their self-esteem utterly ruined by the time they graduate high school. The furry community provides them with a perfect escape from the hell world they've grown up in -- this escape is a fantasy world where everyone loves them.
I don't make the rules. I just make fun of them.
This will be about as good for them as "Change Your Underwear, Change Your Life," and similar self-help books. Most of what people call "social skills" problems really boils down to self-esteem. I've been to more than a few support groups, talked to a lot of people about their childhood and adolescent learning experiences, coached people on interviewing skills... I don't have a degree as a therapist, but at least in my social circle I'm the go-to girl (for better and for worse!). That said, don't take what I have to say as the gospel -- it's just my own point of view.
First, there's nothing wrong with so-called "nerds", "geeks", or many other classes of people that are bright, insightful, but often shy and hard to approach. They are rarely rude, they don't insult people, they respect another's boundaries if told directly. About the only thing "wrong" with them is that they miss subtlety and sometimes lack tact. Frankly, there's a lot more wrong with people who consider themselves to have "great social skills" than those who don't -- those people are often manipulative, petty, morally underdeveloped, and often destroy group harmony to further their own ambitions. For the girls, I have two words: Queen bee. Guys who have these "great social skills" are often egotistical, inconsiderate, etc. My friends call it the "napoleon complex", after a certain short guy in history who had a real problem with the word "no."
I guess what I'm saying to the people who think their social skills have the suck... Stop beating yourself up. Contary to popular belief, none of us start out equal. And throughout life we never become equal. Trying to move towards normality is like trying to... Well, it's like the Kobashi Maru, you just can't win. So stop trying. Normal doesn't even exist. If you want these mythical social skills--Go someplace where you think there are others like you (or others who you'd like to be like if your self-concept isn't that developed) and listen to them. Watch, learn, interact. What movies do they watch? What phrases do they say? What little gestures do they make? Reason out what it all means and then practice it on your friends and anyone else you can. And don't judge yourself for awhile -- just go out and try things for a bit. The judging part everyone else will do for you (*trust me on this*), so focus on doing it instead of reviewing it. This isn't a question to be answered, but one to be lived. Someday you will find yourself experiencing the answer.
#fuckbeta #iamslashdot #dicemustdie
You know what I want?
Logic skills taught to those people who have "social skills"
While I can understand the desire to teach social skills, I wish people would stop thumping on people with strong technical abilities.
For example, say you are a born classical musician, and are quite good. They would say you are cultured and have everything life needs. YET, if the same happened to a mathematician, well then they are not balanced.
Really? Not knowing how to calculate yourself out of a wet paper bag is balanced?
So sure I will take social skills, so long as the others take logic skills.
MAYBE THEN we have rational discussions....
"You can't make a race horse of a pig"
"No," said Samuel, "but you can make very fast pig"
I personally think this is a cool idea for a class. Just think how YOU would respond if they brought in Jeri Ryan [imdb.com] as a guest speaker!
I would have asked her why she kept playing a role that sucked and how she feels about being the final nail in the coffin of the last Star Trek series (Enterprise doesn't count) ;)
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Have you been around kids?!? My experience (YMMV) is that yes, kids DO have to be taught to take a bath, speak clearly, and say please/thank you. It's hard for parents to get them to do that, and many of today's parents don't bother (perhaps because they incorrectly think that all kids will figure it out without being taught). The result is kids who are absolutely not ready for "real life". Forget the flirting; a class in the "basics of living in a society" (to raise your social IQ) is a really, really useful course. Stuff like bathing, having a brief conversation with someone you don't know, etc. Historically, the people who were getting ready to lead society went to finishing schools, took etiquette classes, etc. Some of it was bunk, but the basic idea that you need TRAINING to be able to work in a society is true enough. Self-taught can work, if you work at it... but too many people don't realize it's something that needs to be learned.
In Neal Stephenson's "The Diamond Age", a key part of the book was "A Young Lady's Illustrated Primer". Being able to work with others - instead of offending them before you meet them - is a good idea.
- David A. Wheeler (see my Secure Programming HOWTO)
I am sure I am going to maybe offend some of the men on here. I have mostly dated nerds or a variation of a nerd, like the art nerd, etc. I also dated two people that didn't even like computers. We went out clubbing, out to the movies, restaurants or a play, out hiking, biking, etc. We had many more conversations about a wide range of subjects. I liked the non nerd men in certain ways, but they weren't as caring as the nerdy ones though.
:) My last boyfriend was a hopeless nerd, god love him, but I can't be with someone that is socially awkward, a weeper to boot and spends his life playing games online.
I am not much of a gamer, and that was a big big problem in my nerd relationships. I mean I work predominately in IT, do you think I would want to spend my remaining free time on a computer? Hell no, I like living life.
I think the problem with nerdy men is that they feel comfy in their little boxed in life, which I think is a tad bit sad. I would rather experience life than be afraid of it. I am not saying that the nerdy ones are all like this, but nerds take a loooong time to grow into themselves. I am a notorious reformer. I have stopped that at this point, I gave up on nerds. Just my two cents.
In short: Go to the gym, get a good job, spend a lot of money on them. Given two nice guys the one with the bigger paycheck or better looks, or both... wins.
It's been that way for the last 8000 years, why would it change now?
Fact: Nice Guys Finish Last because people are complacent by nature. If you are nice all the time, it becomes expected and undervalued. That's why the jerks win, our rare "Love you babe" outweights your pathetic daily adorations.
Fact: The more money, the more women. Provider instincts haven't change in the last 8k years, ain't gonna change in the next 8k years. If you don't have money, get some weed.
Fact: Good looks get you laid, good portfolio gets you laid. You need to advertise, no one likes a bum, a cheapskate, or an anorexic that can't move the bookcase or change the tire.
Fact:
Good Looks + Money = Easier
Average Looks + Average Money = Door Mat easily replaced by the line above.
Ugly + Broke = Alone
You can always be replaced. Sad fact. So get yourself as high on the list as possible will buy you more time before they find an upgrade. If your lucky they'll die of old age before finding an upgrade.
It's a shallow material world and wishing it was better, teaching 'social' skills, will never replace a fast car, nice suit, and a good tan.
-=[ Who Is John Galt? ]=-
For example, say you are a born classical musician, and are quite good. They would say you are cultured and have everything life needs. YET, if the same happened to a mathematician, well then they are not balanced.
Really? Not knowing how to calculate yourself out of a wet paper bag is balanced?
Not all humans are mathematically-inclined, or even intelligent enough to understand basic math concepts.
All humans are social creatures, from you all the way down the world's stupidest. "Cultured" is the term that people use to describe those who are best at winning approval from others. I understand why you resent it and hold those people in contempt. They didn't have to work nearly as hard as you had to work, and yet they have more than you do. It hurts.
I don't make the rules. I just make fun of them.
Only those with mental retardation or other conditions keeping them from having a fully functioning brain fall under the category of "unable to understand basic math or logic". Those people are not expected to understand these concepts because we realize that due to crap circumstances beyond their control, they're physically incapable of it. However, all the idiots in Hollywood, at the jock table, the cheerleaders, etc ARE capable of learning basic math and logic, they CHOOSE not to because "it's not cool" and since for so many people (at least in the Western world) their goal is to be cool, they choose to be morons....and we all see where that's leading our society....
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." ~Thomas Jefferson
This whole thing is insulting to women on so many levels. 1. It imples all technically adept people are men. Why about the women in that class? What will they care about some superficial model? 2. It implies social ineptness in technical people. This is a ridiculious stereotype that has little bases in reality. Intelligent people are no more likely to be socially inept than unintelligent people. 3. It implies that the only women worth knowing are beautiful ones. Yes it's true, get an average roomfull of average people split down the middle male/female, 95% of the guys will all go for the one hot girl no matter what their own "package" is worth. Nobody cares about an intelligent girl unless she is hot. You wonder why women go to so much trouble.. that's why. 4. And why can't a technically adept woman be hot? Oh they can be. But nobody cares, except that she's hot.
I believe the existence of this article kind of proves that not all people are socially-inclined either.
It took me 10 years to learn to shut up at corporate meetings.
Higher management does not want to hear why their ideas won't work. Even when confronted with reality, they will quickly forget that you WERE CORRECT. You only will be remembered for being argumentative, for rocking the boat, and when layoffs come you will be first, or when promotions come you will be last.
When upper management comes up with an idea, however stupid, ALWAYS EMBRACE it. Remember -- they spent a bunch of time coming up with this idea, so it MUST be great?!? Corporate ideas are subject to the effects of evolution, good ideas thrive and survive, bad ideas quickly go extinct.
No one will remember the ideas that go extinct, they are quickly forgotten. But they will remember that you were (or were not) a "team player". (Whatever that means.)
If you are always positive and never point out management's inadequacies, you will promote faster, earn more money, and retire earlier.
- I live the greatest adventure anyone could possibly desire. - Tosk the Hunted
However, all the idiots in Hollywood, at the jock table, the cheerleaders, etc ARE capable of learning basic math and logic, they CHOOSE not to because "it's not cool" and since for so many people (at least in the Western world) their goal is to be cool, they choose to be morons....and we all see where that's leading our society....
I was only talking about math, not logic. (Speaking of which, I don't think people need a class to understand cause and effect.)
True, some people avoid math because of it's uncoolness, which is justified since math is often a refuge of acceptance for those who don't win social approval but still require companionship (as all humans do). The real reason why those people you despise choose to eschew math is because math is not required for them to succeed. Furthermore, your approval is also not required for them to succeed. They can safely ignore both you and all of your hard work and suffer no ill effects to their quality of life whatsoever. I completely understand why you hate them.
A book which you might find interesting is called "The Chosen: The Hidden History of Admission and Exclusion at Harvard, Yale, and Princeton" by Jerome Karabel.
I don't make the rules. I just make fun of them.
There is a subset of humans who are both mathematically and socially inclined.
They become "Managers" or "Agents" and bilk the "musicians" and "actors" out of millions of dollars.
That's all social power. Managers and agents don't need to understand limits and recursion to exploit the bugs in the human mind.
A book which you might find interesting is "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert Cialdini. Click, whirr...
I don't make the rules. I just make fun of them.
I find that age gives me the edge. There may be some biografic details to that, but being a end-30ties geek and nerd I find the big stars among my peers dimishing and me rising to new heights. It is only last year that I had my second and third sex & love-affair ever, and all three (including my first) know about each other and accept it. I remember nearly killing myself over not having ever had a girl at the age of 23 back in the early nineties. Now I find myself growing cooler by the year.
My geekishness and passion for the things I liked doing still burns and reflects back on me and has early twen PYT students at currently hip CS flat-sharing parties judge me about late 20ish and brake into heavy flirting. ... That 22 yr. old nurse at the last party was particularly cute. *sigh*
I was the typical nerd that didn't consume great amounts of alcohol back then and stopped drinking 20 years ago, which starts to give me an brainpower edge over my former-jock-now-fat-ass springbreaking peers. Instead I stayed up late on Fidonet, RPG and Tabletop sessions, pimping my social skills, my typign, wording, debating skills and my literacy. On top of that, everything awkward and geeky back then is super hip now. Comics (now Mangas), Fantasy, IT and computers, programming (gives you the status of some high priest at some occasions nowadays) and gaming.
Now I work at a game dev company with a current growth rate so bizar you wouldn't believe it, and am one of the oldest and most experienced amoung a team of currently 180 people. The 'young' guys come to me every odd day with a question, and when I give them an advice they listen and are gratefull.
I got my ass kicked by the pricks at school so many times, I still burn with fury sometimes just thinking about it. I've practiced performing and martial arts since the end of highschool and today I'd outrun every jock, who have all grown fat and lazy and/or have tar-lungs because they where cool back then and started smoking. And then I could still beat the living piss out of them, 5 at a time.
IMPORTANT ADVICE TO EARLY TWEEN NERDS: If you are a young male geek and nerd, rejoice. You're time is ten to fifteen years into the future, when your peers, girls included, have enough life experience to have learned what you know allready. Pratice art, take your time to learn about style, fashion and manners geek style (i.e.: learn it systematically like a new PL), stay in shape, go and take dancing lessons (I'm picking up Tango again next month), cut smoking and alcohol and live healthy and at the age of 30+ you'll be able to take your veritable pick of the litter of good-looking girls who can appreciate intelligent, reasonable men. When the pricks have burned all their karma and you'll kick their ass on every scale available and of interest to attractive women. Oh, and the sex will be awesome. Promise.
We suffer more in our imagination than in reality. - Seneca
A lot of people might laugh at something like this, but I'm not. I don't work with tons of people who might be considered "nerds" but that's mainly because my industry is a little less tech-heavy than a typical IT company. But, I have worked with tons of nerdy consultants/contractors.
There's two main types -- the first is the cultural nerd. Many people in IT have different backgrounds and come from all over. Some may not be used to American culture or know how to act in certain situations. The second is the typical native-born stereotypical basement-dweller nerd. Working with one of these tends to be very difficult just because they annoy most "normals." I'm not a social genius either, but I know what is and is not appropriate in a work setting. I show up to work in clean clothes, shower regularly and really try to take an interest in whatever topic a coworker wants to talk about. Some people I work with really don't make this effort.
Even a class on "what to do in a work environment" would be a huge plus. How many times have you had to cut off a colleague who kept interrupting in business meetings and saying "No, you're wrong, that'll never work."
Anyone left stateside in IT in the next ten years or so is going to have a really hard time finding work if they can't at least interact with people.
I'll preference this quick with my own bias. I've gone though life as an above average looking geek. I base that on the amount of relative attention I've gotten from the opposite, and sometimes the same and while thx guys-not my cup of tea, sex. And notice I said attention not necessarily action. That is because...
As someone pointed out social IQ has a lot to do with what happens 'in life'. How does this social IQ get formed? Well by in large I believe it is done naturally as people grow up. We are very social animals and so normally a lot of trial and error shapes the way that people learn to interact. However 'geeks' and other social recluses go one of, and there may be more but these are the two that I have noticed, two ways.
1. They remove themselves from socializing to an extreme degree.
2. They are involved in socializing activities but over think everything.
I personally am a bit of #1, I am a geek after all that code/PCB/story/whatever wasn't going to write/build itself. But mostly after many years of introspection, go figure, it's been #2. In most situations normal people, and I feel really dirty writing that because it could easily be a put down or myself bragging but have to express it some way so blah, don't think about what they might do or say. They instead will just act upon it. Those that actually learn by that trial and error method are those who become normal people.
Now keep in mind there are those normal people who don't even learn from that normal trial and error method. And I damn sure know that there are plenty of people out there who are socially backwards without the backup of even being smart. The damming thing about being smart and socially backwards is that you know that your being socially backwards but feel helpless do do anything about it.
So anyway back on point for those people who over think things in social settings I wonder if any course is going to help. Seems to me like it would just reinforce that mentality. Rather as a number of people have said they need to actually go out and socialize. Even at the risk of being uncomfortable and making a bit of a fool out of themselves.
Keeping in mind that that those normal people already did it and made fools out of themselves too, but just did it in the get out of being a dolt free zone of being young. And finally that being even pretty good at being a social creature never removes the chance of being a fool. Rather just reduces that risk. (Of course some of my better memories involve being rather foolish.)
Really, I know what I'm doing...Ohhhh, look at the shiny buttons!
Wrong. You would ask her if she fancies going out for a drink sometime.
echo -e 'global _start\n _start:\n mov eax, 2\n int 80h\n jmp _start' > a.asm; nasm a.asm -f elf; ld a.o -o a;
Your experiences may be correct, but don't let "home schooled" be a label you just put on people. I was home schooled from third grade until high school. During that time I was involved with many extracurricular activities from athletics to various clubs (both social and academic).
When I did come back to high school, I don't think I was any more awkward or disoriented than any of the other kids moving up from middle school. The biggest difference I really noticed was how far ahead I was above most of the students curriculum-wise (even compared to the "advanced" courses I took). Additionally, I earned a starting position for two varsity sports my freshman year (soccer and wrestling), began playing football my sophomore year eventually earning a starting position my junior year. I graduated with a 3.86, was named "most outgoing" and got into a top 25 university (Vanderbilt).
That said, I know exactly the type of people you are talking about. They were some of the most socially awkward people I have ever met. This was mainly due to their parents super controlling nature, and I honestly feel bad for the years it will take them to adapt to the "real world."
Still, my point is that this group in general is sensitive to stereotypes (ie. "Nerd") and the associated negative social connotations that they hold. Home schoolers are no different. Many may have social issues, but that probably has more to do with the atmosphere they grew up in.
To throw a little extra into the debate. I think that home schooling is a fantastic method for teaching when an appropriate environment is available. From the more focused curriculum , to the individual attention, to the flexibility of schedule it has many advantages. However, I think it is all to commonly used by parents who want to control all aspects of their children's lives. It is most often these people who give the overall system a bad reputation. Still even though we may or may not choose to home school our own kids I will adamantly defend it as a choice for parents.
When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins and then run around the mall looking frantic.
No-one's mentioned introversion / extroversion yet? Briefly,
75% of people are extroverts. They gain energy from social interaction.
25% of people are introverts. They lose energy from social interaction, but gain energy from solitary cogitation.
75% of intellectuals are introverts, and only 25% are extroverts. This is probably why the 'socialising for nerds' class is necessary.
Environmentalism is the new Victorianism. Everyone ties on a green corset and pretends we're virtuous.
HAI
I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER ?
KTHXBAI
For some reason it makes more sense to me than that damn txt-speak my kids use.
I really don't know where to begin with your post, I don't have time to go through all of the problems raised by your commentary. But, in general, it can be said that there is a societal expectation of social behavior. The majority of people have been born with the ability to discern clues as to other's behavior and act accordingly.
More interesting to me, is that there is an expectation hat one without social skills is necessarily an individual with strong math and science skills. I have found this to not be the case more often than not. There are more socially awkward individuals of average intelligence, than those of above average intelligence. I think they find it easier to cope with their social skills by associating themselves with the trappings of science-fiction and technology. Due to the stereotype, this gives them the perception of being "Smart". And I guess its better to be perceived as socially awkward and smart, rather than socially awkward and of average intelligence.
Well.. maybe. Or Maybe not. But Definitely not sort of.
The more interesting question would be if she feels there is any relation between playing a poorly drawn character in a poorly plotted Star Trek series and her eventualy speaking out about said Republican politician's more questionable activities, effectively putting the nail in said Republican's Senate campaign, leading to the election of his Democratic opponent, who would then use said Senate seat as a launching pad to a successful presidential run.
In other words, would she agree with the statement that Star Trek was, through a long an complicated chain of events, the ultimate cause of Obama's presidency?
words, words, words, lemur, words, words words
Did you read what that other AC wrote: "That's also why they're so easy to troll."?
He's exactly right. Furries are easy to abuse because they've already been shit on so much that they reflexively adopt the "victim stance" which only invites more abuse.
Furthermore, the internet makes consequence-free abuse merely a click away. As a gay man, I know this quite well. The singlemost effective defense against gay-bashing can be summed up in two words: concealed carry. Unfortunately, that doesn't work so well on the Internet.
Where would one put a Bersa in a fursuit anyway?
I don't make the rules. I just make fun of them.
Riddle me this: why is it that if someone has trouble in math or something, other people who can do it will offer to help, but if someone is socially inept, the immediate reaction is to ostracize the person rather than offering to give them social coaching? I have helped people all my life in technical areas where they needed it, but not one time has anyone made any such offer to me.
My theory as to the reason people don't help socially inept people when they do help with topics like maths or history or whatever, is that it is obvious if you don't know that stuff - there is no way or reason to hide your lack of knowledge. However, when it comes to social situations (speaking from my own past experience now), sometimes while one does know the answer, one is too shy or too afraid of mocking to act correctly. Now that I am (somewhat) more socially capable (it took me a while to build up guts etc), I don't help others who are making the same mistakes, as I know that had someone come up to me and told me what to do, I would have felt patronised and even worse than I did already, because I already knew what to do.
The problem here is, of course, what if the person has no idea what to do and would really appreciate the help?
So - nice people don't like to be patronising, and not-nice people don't care. One solution could be to go up to a nice, somewhat nerdy but socially adept person and ask them to help you - they may know what you are going through but didn't want to hurt your feelings...
The social world is a biological ladder tournament. Through practice and preparation, you have to put yourself ahead of as much of the competition as possible. Just watch the animal shows on the Discovery channel. We are exactly like them but a little more complicated. We are a herd and you have to fight for your place in it. You have to form a strategy and utilize your time and effort into developing the traits and skill sets that your particular plan will need. You don't have tact? So what? I know a guy who completely lacks it and has tons of friends and get plenty of attention from the opposite sex. He just redirected his effort else where. I also know people that have had similar results completely different approaches. If you are having problems, then you either don't care or can't adapt.
First, cover the basics. Hygiene & basic manners. Get that right and you will be in the top 50% of the competition. If needed get professional help. Salon instead of great clips? Laser hair removal? Spa treatments? Do what it takes to get caught up. Read a book, take a class, or watch a make over show or two if you have to.
Second, get in reasonable shape. Depending on how far you run with it, you can put yourself leaps and bounds ahead of the competition. It just takes time. If it took money, everyone would have it. Go to the closest gym and get a personal trainer. Do whatever they tell you to and stick with it for at least 6 months to a year.
Third, appearance. Looks matter and you have to dress well. Just pic a style and go to the stores that cater to that style and wear whatever the manikins are wearing. Now do it consistently. Its that easy.
If you are half way successful at these three steps you should be ahead of at least 75% of the competition. You can of course keep adding to your social appeal through other talents. Got a little tact? Great, but if not, do something interesting that people can relate to. Preferably, non technical, non science, non school sponsored. Examples - rock climbing, music, art, motorcycles, traveling, skateboarding, gardening, camping, wine, scuba diving, photography, acting, or anything that when you talk about it, people think it sounds fun and interesting. Just pick something.
Do these things and people will come to you. Its that easy if you actually do it but it is a competition and there are always going to be people ahead of you and behind you. You just have to fight for your place. And remember, you have to adapt to the world. It won't do the same for you.
Also, there is a great segment in the movie American Psycho about fitting in.
I'm aware of furry drama. I have a friend who is a furry and he lives communally in an apartment with other furries in which the roommates rotate every three months or so. Drama city, according to him.
There's no reason to put scare quotes on self-esteem. Self-esteem is the value you place on yourself. Having none of it will make you feel worthless, good for nothing, broken, flawed, a drag. People react to that in ways that hurt other people, by either latching on to people and draining them of life, or by becoming a "radical loser" by projecting their feelings of worthlessness onto others.
A high self-esteem, which is to say happiness, is the birthright of every single* human being. If I were to truly express how strongly I felt that, it would split the Earth right in half. Sometimes I think that people with no self-esteem choose to revel in their misery (does "misery loves company" ring true to you?) and I think that's harmful. It is grossly cruel the way people treat furries (and emos).
*Except psychopaths. www.hare.org
I don't make the rules. I just make fun of them.
I'm surprised no one mentioned MIT's long-running "Charm School" designed to teach nerds table manners, basic fashion, and dating tips.