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Blizzard Shows Off Diablo III Archivist Class, WoW Dance-Off

It's been a busy day for the folks at Blizzard, who have released major announcements for several different games. The next Diablo III class has arrived: the Archivist. Despite their frail appearance and hunched, labored movement, they are quite deft at launching Quest Bolts at nearby foes, or conjuring a whirling Lore-nado of spinning books. Loud monsters can be silenced with a devastating Shush attack. Blizzard also put Starcraft II's latest unit on display, the Terra-Tron, which is a giant, robot uber-weapon assembled from the buildings in your base. Finally, for World of Warcraft they announced two features that have been requested by players for years: a battle of dances, where you can show off your avatar's hippest moves, and the ability to 'p1mp' your mounts. (Not sure exactly what that means, since I don't speak elvish, but there's a Nightsaber with a cannon — holy crap!)

89 of 119 comments (clear)

  1. "Pimp your mounts" by Niris · · Score: 5, Funny

    I get a completely different image from "pimping a mount" than putting a cannon on a horse .

    1. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by Chris+Burke · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yeah I would think it would rather involve putting the cannon in the horse.

      --

      The enemies of Democracy are
    2. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by soren202 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Yeah, it was more like putting a cannon IN a horse.

      Except without the "se".

      Anyway, although the videos are rather impressive, Blizzard needs to put some more work in to the believability of their April Fools jokes.

      For instance, a joke about how they're abandoning SC II because of bloating development costs and numerous unforeseen delays, or that Diablo III will cost $80 instead of the normal price due to the extended re-playability worked into the game would be gold.

      This, however, will only get amusing responses from only the dimmest of readers, especially with that first announcement. It kind of ruins the point of April Fools day if everyone gets the joke right away. For it to be amusing, there has to be at least some potential change in emotion for readers once you reveal that it's a joke.

    3. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by Chlorine+Trifluoride · · Score: 1

      I accept your thanks, rather than rejecting them.

    4. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by wilgibson · · Score: 1

      Blizzard needs to put some more work in to the believability of their April Fools jokes.

      Or they could just do the same old, same old since Blizzard keeps an all in good fun attitude about April Fools rather than doing something that could potentially annoy their tremendously whiny fan base.

    5. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by Dachannien · · Score: 1

      Are you sure you're not thinking of "mounting your pimps"?

    6. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by soren202 · · Score: 1

      Well, it's fun for the rest of us.

      Besides, do you honestly think that anyone in Blizzard's fanbase is NOT going to buy whatever they put out? Seriously, I'm pretty sure that, had Diablo 3 been released the day after the controversial pics were released, it still would have sold faster than the Bible in Alabama after a terrorist attack and the introduction of a gay marriage bill in congress.

    7. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by Schemat1c · · Score: 1

      Seriously, I'm pretty sure that, had Diablo 3 been released the day after the controversial pics were released, it still would have sold faster than the Bible in Alabama after a terrorist attack and the introduction of a gay marriage bill in congress.

      But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

      --

      "Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better." - Unknown
    8. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by Chris+Burke · · Score: 1

      That's Admiral Obvious to you. I was promoted when I observed that water was still wet and shit still stunk.

      --

      The enemies of Democracy are
    9. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by Hoi+Polloi · · Score: 1

      I just want to be able to put a bunch of speakers on my mount and be able to upload some obnoxious thudding rap music so I can cruise around Orgrimmar. Kodo low-rider.

      --
      It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
    10. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by ubrgeek · · Score: 1

      > ...and shit still stunk.

      Well, I suppose that depends on the quest.

      --
      Bark less. Wag more.
    11. Re:"Pimp your mounts" by ZiakII · · Score: 1

      or shoot the horse out of the cannon...

  2. Better to 'p1mp' your mount by Evardsson · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... than to mount your pimp. Unless you are into that sort of thing.

    --
    Death looks every man in the face. All any man can do is look back and smile. - Marcus Aurelius
  3. Explains a lot by Phu5ion · · Score: 4, Funny

    No wonder Blizzard games take so long to ship. Get back to work you hippies!

    --
    Slashdot is kind of like Playboy; we aren't here to read the articles.
    1. Re:Explains a lot by MooseMuffin · · Score: 1

      Some of that stuff looks like it took a legitimate amount of work. I'm sure this delayed starcraft and diablo by a year each.

    2. Re:Explains a lot by Phu5ion · · Score: 1

      Oh, I agree, and it is quite funny. I would rather be playing the Diablo III though.

      --
      Slashdot is kind of like Playboy; we aren't here to read the articles.
    3. Re:Explains a lot by Swizec · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Some of it sure looks like it took a legitimate amount of work, but why the fuck can't they spend the 20 minutes to make scrollwheels work with the dropdown selects on their website?

      Seriously, I thought this was supposed to be a decent bunch of programmers.

    4. Re:Explains a lot by Enderandrew · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Doesn't Diablo III play itself? Diablo I and Diablo II are technically the best selling computer RPGs of all time, though I use that term loosely. You just click, hope for random loot drops, and click some more. And now Diablo III, you don't drink potions because that is too complicated. So you just click, while mana and life basically auto-replenish. Clearly this was a game that needed to be even simpler.

      --
      http://blindscribblings.com - Tasty pop-culture in conceptual fashion.
    5. Re:Explains a lot by WaXHeLL · · Score: 1

      But then, Blizzard's super secret backdoor contract with the mouse industry might be broken. /me has broken countless mice playing D1/D2.

      --
      The troll with karma.
    6. Re:Explains a lot by rpillala · · Score: 1

      I hope there's some way to access these things to mess with once the games ship, like the Tauren Marine from last year's april 1.

      --
      When the axe came to the forest, the trees said, "Look out - the handle was once one of us."
    7. Re:Explains a lot by geekoid · · Score: 5, Insightful

      DO you think they give the real programming to web 'developers'?

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    8. Re:Explains a lot by Late+Adopter · · Score: 1

      It could still be simpler. Gauntlet: Legends was, and it was well received.

      Sometimes you just want to button mash and explore.

    9. Re:Explains a lot by hesaigo999ca · · Score: 1

      Those that couldn't program in school ended up creating websites....maybe has something to do with this!

    10. Re:Explains a lot by andi75 · · Score: 1

      If you don't want to think for yourself, check out this cool new entertainment device.

    11. Re:Explains a lot by SlowMovingTarget · · Score: 1

      So basically this is the Dennie's of computer games. Dennie's menus have pictures of everything, so even if you're too drunk to speak, you can still point at the picture of your food, then to your mouth.

  4. An interesting class indeed by Ron_Fitzgerald · · Score: 4, Funny

    The Archivist seems to be a slow but powerful character. From the video his spells are devastating to the individual character but he himself is weak. It looks as though he may be able to use different canes to perhaps make him faster, unsure.
    I also took note of the new HUD and how delicious it looks. Look at the Mana graphic!

    --
    ~ Ron Fitzgerald
    1. Re:An interesting class indeed by teko_teko · · Score: 1

      Temp fix: putting flame decals on his cane to make him appear faster.

    2. Re:An interesting class indeed by Eberlin · · Score: 4, Funny

      Working at a library's local history room, I always fancied myself a necromancer because we symbolically re-animate the dead. I think, though, that this archivist class would be so much more awesome! Yes, no blood golem, bone spear, iron maiden, decrepify, bone spirit, and a cool shrunken head, but c'mon, you get Lore-nado and Shush!!! I can't wait to ask each monster their birthdate, line them up in descending order by age, then proceed to systematically lore-nado each one, writing down the exact time and location of each kill to be filed later in the Zakarum archives. Mmmmm, paperwork!

    3. Re:An interesting class indeed by rts008 · · Score: 1

      Or he could 'kick in the afterburner' by lighting his farts?

      --
      Down With Slashdot BETA!!! I've been around the corner and seen the oliphant; you can only abuse me from your perspecti
    4. Re:An interesting class indeed by rootofevil · · Score: 1

      or a red S sticker

      --
      turn up the jukebox and tell me a lie
    5. Re:An interesting class indeed by bughunter · · Score: 1

      The first thing I thought of when I read about the archivist was the NetHack Tourist class, and how I always thought that there should be a "Librarian" class, as well, considering how many books and scrolls are in the game.

      The Librarian would be able to identify all scrolls and books, but unable to discern b/c/u status. However, the Librarian could improve NO weapon skills except one - Thrown weapon. And of course, books would be quiverable. The Librarian also would have a very restricted encumbrance limit, discouraging the use of heavy armor.

      And of course, if this were to come about, I would name all of my Librarians "Conan."

      --
      I can see the fnords!
  5. I thought "Shush" was a trademark by crazybit · · Score: 2, Funny

    owned by Cesar Millan.

    He is a very powerful magician too.

    --
    - Human knowledge belongs to the world
  6. WTF by XPeter · · Score: 2, Insightful

    All this hype around D3 is getting on my nerves. If D3 comes out before SC2 I'm boycotting Blizzard games I understand SC2 has to be sports worthy but still...10+ years?

    --
    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits" - Albert Einstein
    1. Re:WTF by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

      I will boycott Blizzard's as well..all the way up until the release SCII. mine gimme gimme.

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    2. Re:WTF by LingNoi · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yeah, 10 years is a long time. I wish they where like EA which bring out a new Madden each year. EA are truly the masters of innovative games.

    3. Re:WTF by bigstrat2003 · · Score: 1

      Oh noes! People are excited about the upcoming release of a sequel to a major Blizzard game!

      I could bitch about the SC2 hype, and it would be just as valid as what you said.

      --
      "16MB (fuck off, MiB fascists)" - The Mighty Buzzard
    4. Re:WTF by Pheonix28 · · Score: 1

      if you didn't wait 10+ years, you wouldn't want the game... right? Just like fallout3

    5. Re:WTF by mgblst · · Score: 1

      Wow, if only there was some length of time in between. No, that would be ridiculous!

    6. Re:WTF by xenolion · · Score: 1

      Madden games don't change that much from year to year just the rosters change they change the workings every 2-3 years now how hard is that?

  7. GMT? by ascari · · Score: 1

    I'm sooooo ready for April 1 to be over. Midnight in which timezone counts as the terminator for this boring ass day on slashot????????????????

  8. Re:Say it with me now... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    OK, I have to know, since when did pants become a bad thing? That's what separates us from the animals, you know. Pants, and hats.

  9. Can't wait for D3 by afidel · · Score: 1

    I was definitely getting a Diablo 1 Sorcerer vibe with the Quest bolt sounding and moving almost exactly like the D1 fire bolt spell. It'll have more action and better graphics but it certainly appears to fit with the Diablo style, much more so then the first gameplay vids. Perhaps they took the fan criticism to heart =)

    --
    There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order. Starting now.
  10. Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy by Niris · · Score: 2, Funny

    Prozac.

  11. Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy by soren202 · · Score: 1

    Ummmm.... Hitler IS a goddamn laugh riot.

    The Internet was pretty much built off of Hitler jokes.

  12. Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy by Samschnooks · · Score: 2, Funny
    Your wish is my command:It's 02-April-09 Tokyo

    Now, don't you wish you wished for a big titted blond bikini model, a private jet, and a hundred million dollars?

    Too late! Bwahahahahahahahah!

  13. Re:Please Stop by geekoid · · Score: 1, Funny

    It's still April 1st, so apparently you don't get it.
    Maybe this simple explanation is simple enough for you:
    http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh

    Now do you get it?

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  14. For are non American friends by geekoid · · Score: 1, Troll

    here is an explanation of April Fools:
    http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  15. lol-nado by SendBot · · Score: 1, Interesting

    the archivist class actually sounds pretty cool - I'm still eager to try out the witchdoctor.

    Do I get my achievement yet?

    1. Re:lol-nado by davolfman · · Score: 1

      I would totally play this. Then again I really, really liked Read Or Die.

  16. Fuck April Fools by basementman · · Score: 1, Insightful

    Fuck these terrible April Fool's day articles. Slashdot, the rule is one prank a year on April 1st. Spamming the front pages with these shitty unfunny useless articles makes me wish Conficker had actually taken down the internet today.

    1. Re:Fuck April Fools by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

      gbt/b/

    2. Re:Fuck April Fools by kongit · · Score: 1

      Screw that I want some pink ponies

  17. New Starcraft Unit by Korin43 · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Am I the only one who wishes the Terra-tron was a real unit?

    1. Re:New Starcraft Unit by Mr.+Beatdown · · Score: 1

      No.

      --
      My fellow Americans, let's restore the death penalty for child rapists. Let's do it . . . for the children.
    2. Re:New Starcraft Unit by Ihmhi · · Score: 1

      The Transformers, Beast Wars, and Power Rangers quotes shamelessly included make it all the more worthwhile.

      "Terra-tron... TERRORIZE!"

      "More... than meets... the eye!"

      etc.

    3. Re:New Starcraft Unit by bar-agent · · Score: 4, Funny

      They should -- and could -- totally include this in the game. You'd give up your unit-building capabilities and resources, but in return, you get to

      Finish him!

      In other words, once you know you've won the match, you could break out the Terra-tron and rub it in. A battle finishing move. Of course, there'd have to be something like that for the Zerg and Protoss as well. Let's see...

      For the Protoss, some sort of chain lightning effect, culminating in a singularity; or maybe a big mothership whose shadow covers the screen warps in and starts zapping. And for the Zerg, a Cerebrate pod meteors in from orbit, or tunnels in Bugs-Bunny-style, and tentacles whip out of the ground and wreak havoc; or maybe the Creep comes alive and devours everything in its path.

      --
      i'd hit it so hard, if you pulled me out you'd be the king of britain [bash.org]
    4. Re:New Starcraft Unit by OutLawSuit · · Score: 1

      For some reason, I came into this year thinking the Tauren Space Marine would be impossible to top... I was wrong.

    5. Re:New Starcraft Unit by reidiq · · Score: 1

      What's sad is that we had that Tauren Space Marine last year..... last year! And now we have the Terra-tron this year..... WHY ANOTHER YEAR OF WAITING!!!! GIVE ME MY STARCRAFT II NOW!!!!!!!! /vent

      --
      Sig? No thanks. I don't smoke.
    6. Re:New Starcraft Unit by T.E.D. · · Score: 1

      And for the Zerg, a Cerebrate pod meteors in from orbit

      Bah, that's lame. For the Zerg, I'd settle for nothing less than ... Godzilla!

    7. Re:New Starcraft Unit by Abreu · · Score: 1

      Zillalisk!

      --
      No sig for the moment.
  18. great quote by OglinTatas · · Score: 4, Funny

    from the archivist's dialog wheel:

    "Test me and I will chronicle your pain"

    That's just begging to be my sig.

    1. Re:great quote by illumin8 · · Score: 2, Informative

      from the archivist's dialog wheel:

      Did you notice they also had two options: "Stay a while," and "Listen." This is clearly a nod to the first NPC you encounter in Diablo I, an old man that said "Stay a while and Listen," and was probably the first dialog you hear in the game. At the time Diablo I came out, it was revolutionary as a computer RPG that had actual voice acting, in a limited form. NPCs had a line of dialog they would say when you first clicked on them.

      --
      "When the president does it, that means it's not illegal." - Richard M. Nixon
    2. Re:great quote by BlackSnake112 · · Score: 1

      And that NPC said it every time. I so wanted to kill him just to shut him up. I think there was a mod where we could kill him. Been a while I forget.

      But with Diablo 1, put up the mana shield, use mana steal on hit, use life steal in hit and kill every thing in sight. What a way to unwind after a stress filled day.

      I played the game the regular way (no cheating) and the cheating way depending on my mood. I was so looking for a way to upload a picture to change the monsters to look like people I knew. Now that would be a real stress reliever. Or land me in jail one of the two.

  19. Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy by fm6 · · Score: 1

    "Badass" is one word for your shoot-from-the-lip behavior. Others more accurately describe your lack of conscious thought.

  20. Archivists==Pirates? by SunSpot505 · · Score: 1

    The most swashbuckling arthritic educated Pirate/Archivist on the high seas. The eye patch doesn't stop him from his intense studying or crabby librarian sushing, only from the stereoscopic vision necessary to evade the dungeons many perils. With his colorful garments and handcrafted cane, he is sure to be the smash hit of the collectible figurine world and our favorite new DIII character.

    1. Re:Archivists==Pirates? by FishAdmin · · Score: 1

      Reminds me of the scene from "Meaning of Life"...

      --
      Last night I played a blank tape at full volume. The mime next door went nuts.
  21. Get off my...moo? by Myrcutio · · Score: 4, Funny

    Oblig.
    The archivists bread and butter attack against creatures younger than him is a constant barrage of "Get off my lawn!", strangely effective against herds of halberd wielding bovines.

  22. Guess What? by TheVelvetFlamebait · · Score: 1

    I'm now an april fool!

    --
    You know, there is a difference between trolling and pointing out the flaws in your reasoning. Just saying.
    1. Re:Guess What? by Patricia · · Score: 1

      Congrats. Of course I'll post just for the achievement as well.

    2. Re:Guess What? by LordofEntropy · · Score: 1

      I will reply to your achievement whoring post for my own personal achievement whoring.

      Fear the achievement pimp hand.

      --
      Entropy just isn't what it used to be.
    3. Re:Guess What? by Cozminsky · · Score: 1

      This thread is just an achievement point circle jerk.

    4. Re:Guess What? by Killjoy_NL · · Score: 1

      Gz :D

      --
      This is the sig that says NI (again)
    5. Re:Guess What? by ReiDragon · · Score: 1

      I might as well join in too

      --
      PouchPC 2.13ghz C2D, 8gb ram, 9800 GT, 1.5tb, Vista Business.
  23. New D&D class by JohnyDog · · Score: 2, Funny

    In related news, D&D is also getting new class, the Witchaloks, designed by the Penny Arcade crew.

    --
    People who like this sort of sig will find this the sort of sig they like.
    1. Re:New D&D class by Neo+Quietus · · Score: 1

      I should convince the DM to allow me to play a Witchalok character. I've been told that if I show up with a NPC class character I'd be forced to play it, so maybe. :)

  24. But, I WANT IT by dmomo · · Score: 4, Insightful

    How can you show us something awesome and then say "ha ha just kidding"? Jokes are meant for absurd things. This was just a cock tease.

    1. Re:But, I WANT IT by Impeesa · · Score: 1

      I don't think I'm the only one who typically finds Blizzard's jokes to be at least as exciting as their real news. Strip away just a little bit of the extra silliness and I would love to play a bard, or a two-headed ogre, or have a pimped-out mount.

    2. Re:But, I WANT IT by MozzleyOne · · Score: 1

      The best/worst thing about all the April Fool's I've seen from Blizz is that every one makes me laugh, then think "That would actually be crazy fun!"

      2headed ogre in WoW? Yes please!

      --
      Ayjay on Fedang
    3. Re:But, I WANT IT by Brandee07 · · Score: 1
      The Pandaran of Warcraft 3 were originally an April Fool's Joke. They were so popular that they actually put them in the final version of the expansion pack.

      Too bad they didn't make it into WoW, except for an odd reference here and there.

  25. Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy by fm6 · · Score: 1

    You need to work on your sarcasm. It lacks conviction.

  26. Re:Say it with me now... by LingNoi · · Score: 4, Informative

    It's simply different language between US and UK. In UK "pants" is like a very polite way of saying crap. Also since i'm posting this it is mobile phone, not cell phone. *shakes angry fist"

  27. The D3 dialogue wheel... by Thatmushroom · · Score: 1

    ...was the best part of my day. Of course, that's just because they said "Thatmushroom is as big as a Cadillac!"

    That's right, I was just called morbidly obese by Blizzard. And it was awesome.

    --
    You zap the moderators with a wand of humor! The moderators resist!
  28. Heavens will shake and by Carnivore24 · · Score: 1

    The Mice, Shall Click...

    1. Re:Heavens will shake and by slackbheep · · Score: 1

      and your eyes shall be strained.

  29. joke? by stealths · · Score: 1

    They put a lot of work into this April Fools joke.. Made videos and such, wow. If this isn't a joke, it's the most stupid class ever. A Librarian??? C'mon now.

    1. Re:joke? by Justus · · Score: 1

      Blizzard always does that. It's just part of their, uh, charm, I guess.

  30. Archivist by Hythlodaeus · · Score: 1

    I could really get into an archivist character, actually. Playing Diablo 1 as a wizard, nothing was more exciting than finding a library room. (New spells, yay!)

    --
    For great justice.
  31. Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy by Reality+Master+201 · · Score: 1

    Kid, I just bothered to read your other response to me; based on that, I can say pretty confidently on that basis, you're really not qualified to judge conviction, sincerity, or experience in anything.

    Sorry I picked on you; it's hard to tell the earnest kids from the pure assholes.

  32. Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy by fm6 · · Score: 1

    OK, that statement makes no sense. Or should I say even less sense than your other statements.

    I'd ask you to explain why you put me on your friends list, but I'm really afraid of the answer. Go bother somebody who cares.

    Oh wait, you don't believe anybody cares. So please kill yourself, there's a nice fellow.