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Knuth Plans 'Earthshaking Announcement' Wednesday

Posted by kdawson on from the perhaps-metafont-ported-to dept.

I Don't Believe in Imaginary Property writes "Donald Knuth is planning to make an 'earthshaking announcement' on Wednesday, at TeX's 32nd Anniversary Celebration, on the final day of the TUG 2010 Conference. Unfortunately, nobody seems to know what it is. So far speculation ranges from proving P!=NP, to a new volume of The Art of Computer Programming, to his retirement. Maybe Duke Nukem Forever has been ported to MMIX?" Let the speculation begin.

60 of 701 comments (clear)

  1. Who? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    Who is Knuth?

    1. Re:Who? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Get out.

    2. Re:Who? by Snarf+You · · Score: 5, Funny

      You must be Knuth here.

    3. Re:Who? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      No, seriously - I've been working as a software engineer (...)

      Ah, you are forgiven, then. You don't actually need to know anything about programming.

    4. Re:Who? by theshowmecanuck · · Score: 5, Funny

      I talked to a guy in Saint Louis once who was a genetic engineer for Monsanto. He didn't believe in evolution.

      --
      -- I ignore anonymous replies to my comments and postings.
    5. Re:Who? by Philip+K+Dickhead · · Score: 2, Funny

      You know. The Feivel guy...

      --
      "Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act." -- George Orwell
    6. Re:Who? by lgw · · Score: 4, Funny

      really? i'm a delivery driver and i know who all the people listed in this post are. i don't think i've heard of donald knuth though.

      He invented the "shift" key. You might want to look it up.

      --
      Socialism: a lie told by totalitarians and believed by fools.
    7. Re:Who? by muckracer · · Score: 5, Funny

      > Who is Knuth?

      Some polar bear in a german zoo. People already go crazy when he doesn't speak, so yeah...imagine the earth-shakiness when he finally does!

    8. Re:Who? by JustOK · · Score: 2, Funny

      he probably has pills to help with sleeping.

      --
      rewriting history since 2109
    9. Re:Who? by JustOK · · Score: 5, Funny

      u can't handle the Knuth.

      --
      rewriting history since 2109
    10. Re:Who? by StuartHankins · · Score: 4, Funny

      Or, for an analogy that most Slashdotters will understand... It's like being in porn and not knowing who Ron Jeremy or Jenna Jameson is.

    11. Re:Who? by shutdown+-p+now · · Score: 5, Funny

      I talked to a guy in Saint Louis once who was a genetic engineer for Monsanto. He didn't believe in evolution.

      Well, duh. You ask a guy who does "intelligent design" for a living whether he believes in evolution. ~

    12. Re:Who? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      It might also be a case of Microsoftism, the horrible decease which makes it impossible to having ever touched an Unix system. The symptoms include thinking in terms of Powerpoint slides, writing crude mathematical formulae, suffering from CLI night terrors and considering the web as something to get late into.

    13. Re:Who? by bronney · · Score: 4, Funny

      I'd finish half the distance of the previous step with each new step to avoid the end.

    14. Re:Who? by Dystopian+Rebel · · Score: 4, Funny

      Knuth doesn't stand out amongst his peers in his field as much as those examples you've mentioned. Peers such as Siffredi, North, Holmes (etc) are all more important.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornographic_actor

      (Disclaimer: I know who Knuth is but I'm just not bothered by those that don't when there's so much porn to watch.)

      --
      Rich And Stupid is not so bad as Working For Rich And Stupid.
    15. Re:Who? by Chrisq · · Score: 4, Funny

      Pope and the Catholic church has no problem with evolution

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_and_evolution

      Well they do call him the primate.

    16. Re:Who? by eclectro · · Score: 2, Funny

      Your ignorance is appalling. Please just smash your computer with a sledgehammer and go for a long walk on a short pier.

      On slashdot the standard procedure is to have them turn in their nerd card first. Then we smash their computer for them and tell them to buy an apple. In the end, it's better for everyone that way.

      --
      Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
    17. Re:Who? by obarthelemy · · Score: 3, Funny

      Don't tell anyone, but I'm a SALES REP for a consultancy that does mainly web dev, and even I know his name... You should be ashamed of yourself.. Leave your geek card at the door on your way out...

      --
      The Cloud - because you don't care if your apps and data are up in the air.
    18. Re:Who? by tehcyder · · Score: 2, Funny

      It's more like being in Jenna Jameson and not knowing what porn is.

      --
      To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
    19. Re:Who? by KovaaK · · Score: 4, Funny

      As long as your initial step takes over half the distance of the pier, we have a deal.

    20. Re:Who? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      \section{You are a lying sack of shit.}
      \begin{itemize}
      \item The only thing he really invented was a set of typefaces\ldots basically just some \textrm{\textit{fonts}}.
      \item Anything else that he did was \tiny{insignificant}.
      \item Just an old windbag who gets mentioned in schoolyard settings as an appeal to authority by the even more insignificant ``teachers'' working in them.
      \end{itemize}

      There. Fixed it for you.

      Sincerely,

      D. Knuth

  2. Likely... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    He's discovered Wu Tang and Shaolin are one and the same.

  3. Hmmm... by Jimbob+The+Mighty · · Score: 5, Funny

    Probably that Duke Nukem Forever won't be running any dedicated servers...

    1. Re:Hmmm... by should_be_linear · · Score: 4, Funny

      My guess: Travelling Salesman died.

      --
      839*929
    2. Re:Hmmm... by alexborges · · Score: 3, Funny

      A terrorist atack on the Hanoi Towers?

      --
      NO SIG
  4. What I would do... by PmanAce · · Score: 5, Funny
    Step #1: Wait for him to prove and confirm P!=NP

    Step #2: Solve for N:

    So P!=NP,

    therefore P!/P=N,

    thus the Ps cancel and we are left with N=!.

    Step #3: ???

    Step #4: Profit!

    --
    Tired of my customary (Score:1)
  5. I'll bet it's that by Xenophore · · Score: 5, Funny

    TeX has been adopted by W3 as the new HTML 6 standard.

    1. Re:I'll bet it's that by haystor · · Score: 5, Funny

      \begin{awesome}

      Awesome!

      \end{awesome}

      --
      t
    2. Re:I'll bet it's that by lahvak · · Score: 3, Funny

      I believe that should be

      \setupawesome[extra awesome]

      \startawesome

      Awesome!

      \stopawesome

      --
      AccountKiller
    3. Re:I'll bet it's that by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      As much as I like this whole "compile your text to different outputs"-thing and the results of TeX layout, the markup language is a PITA!

      <paragraph><facepalm>Of course, because XML<superscript>TM</superscript> is <font style="italicized">so</font> much <font color="red" style="boldface">better!</font></facepalm></paragraph>

  6. TeX by pwnies · · Score: 5, Funny

    TeX 3.15 will get released. Subsequently, the universe will collapse.

    1. Re:TeX by FoolishOwl · · Score: 4, Funny

      In the new universe, trigonometry will be easier, and equations will always look good in print.

    2. Re:TeX by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      No. But you'll have e fingers on each hand.

    3. Re:TeX by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Will pi = 3?

      As an electrical engineer, you mean to tell me it isn't equal to three already?

        I always thought anything within 20% was good enough...

    4. Re:TeX by GumphMaster · · Score: 2, Funny

      He will announce that during typesetting of the next TeX version number they discovered the digits repeating!

      --
      Patent litigation: A doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction... in which everyone seems willing to push the button
  7. In surprising move ... by vbraga · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... Knuth migrated to Word 2010.

    --
    English is not my first language. Corrections and suggestions are welcome.
  8. Re:I speculate... by JWSmythe · · Score: 4, Funny

        I speculate it'll be something as earth shattering as the "it" announcement was, or how every person has a Segway in their home now.

    --
    Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
  9. But he has a deal with the Laundry by JoshuaZ · · Score: 4, Funny

    He has a deal with the mysterious British agency known as the Laundry. He doesn't publish the fourth volume and they don't render him metabolically inactive. Don't any of you pay attention to what Charlie Stross has to say?

  10. Re:Final TeX by Unordained · · Score: 2, Funny

    so ... you're saying Knuth finished calculating every digit of Pi?

  11. That he is... by Yaa+101 · · Score: 3, Funny

    That he is a computer simulation fooling all of us for over 50 years...

    1. Re:That he is... by Vectormatic · · Score: 2, Funny

      or perhaps WE are a computer simulation fooling him for over 50 years, but he finally figured it out...

      --
      People, what a bunch of bastards
  12. Re:I speculate... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    TeX to ship with iPhone.

  13. Earthshaking at TUG 2010? by coaxial · · Score: 2, Funny

    TeX version 4.0 .

  14. Re:I speculate... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    and used to generate a flash-runtime at execution time.

  15. Earthshaking? by Arancaytar · · Score: 4, Funny

    If the boobs didn't do it, a mathematical proof won't either. :P

  16. Re:P!=NP by turing_m · · Score: 1, Funny

    I don't have an Einstein. It's considered rude...

    It really depends on your frame of reference.

    --
    If I have seen further it is by stealing the Intellectual Property of giants.
  17. No, no, no . . . by DowdyGoat · · Score: 5, Funny

    He's obviously figured out an algorithm to predict earthquakes, and he's determined that one will happen during or just after his presentation! And, of course, he'll announce it.

    You need to think more literally!

  18. The announcement by kaoshin · · Score: 5, Funny

    My name is Donald Knuth. And if you study with my 8 week program, you will learn a system of self defense that I developed over two seasons of fighting in the octagon! Its called Don Kwan Do!

  19. The irony will be... by RyuuzakiTetsuya · · Score: 5, Funny

    He proves P != NP.

    Due to limitations with TeX can't be bothered to fit it into the margins

    --
    Non impediti ratione cogitationus.
  20. Re:or just by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Dude, COBOL is at *least* ten years old. Certainly not worth of a "breathtaking" announcement.

  21. He's Gay by Bitmanhome · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Amazing" Randi helped him find out.

    --
    Not that this wasn't entirely predictable.
  22. Keeping up with times! by shutdown+-p+now · · Score: 2, Funny

    A new edition of TAoCP will be announced, with all code snippets rewritten in JavaScript.

  23. He's going to grow a beard like everyone else! by tomhudson · · Score: 2, Funny
    This is what he looks like:
    http://www.codethinked.com/image.axd?picture=WindowsLiveWriter/TheProgrammerDressCode_10D17/knuth_don_2f874343-5a7b-4b33-823a-b18a84849447.jpg

    Now compare him with everyone else - they've all got face hair:
    http://www.codethinked.com/post/2007/12/06/The-Programmer-Dress-Code.aspx Edsger Dijkstra (come on ...), Alan Kay (oop), Bjarne Stroustrup (c++), Brian Kernighan (unix, c), Dennis Ritchie (c), Ken Thompson (unix), John McCarthy (lisp), Richard Stallman (gnu), Steve Wozniak (apple), Larry Wall (perl), Alan Cox (linux kernel), James Gosling (java), Grady Booch (uml), "Maddog" Jon Hall (linux intl), Manuel Blum (cryptography), Robin Milner (ml), Philip Wadler (haskell, xquery), Jaron Lanier (virtual reality), Niklaus Wirth (Euler, Algol W, Pascal, Modula, Modula-2, Oberon), C.A.R. Hoare (quicksort), Robert Tarjan (splay trees), Dan Bricklin (visicalc), Phil Katz (pkzip), Jon Postel (rfc), Larry Ellson (oracle).

  24. Re:It's highly unlikely to be P!=NP... by glwtta · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's highly unlikely to be P!=NP

    Ok, what about P=NP, then?

    --
    sic transit gloria mundi
  25. Hold on... by Roy+van+Rijn · · Score: 2, Funny

    There's a conference for TeX? That's an earth shattering thought on its own!

    --
    My blog: http://www.redcode.nl
  26. It's a new book by xiox · · Score: 5, Funny

    Here it is

  27. Re:--- Flamewar starts here by TheVelvetFlamebait · · Score: 4, Funny

    It's Claude, you insensitive claud.

    --
    You know, there is a difference between trolling and pointing out the flaws in your reasoning. Just saying.
  28. Re:John Carmack by Rockoon · · Score: 3, Funny

    Now I'm working on a IT-department: those type of women would encourage it, but I do not want those women for other reasons.

    ..because they are all pre-op?

    --
    "His name was James Damore."
  29. Re:--- Flamewar starts here by Reverend528 · · Score: 4, Funny

    around the same level of recognition as Dijkstra, I would say.

    Bah. Knuth wrote volumes of books full of algorithms. I can't think of a single algorithm that Dijkstra ever came up with.

    --
    Badass Resumes
  30. Re:P!=NP by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 3, Funny

    Given that Knuth was actually replaced by a self-aware TeX macro some years ago, there is no reason to expect an future productivity decline...