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Man Patents Self-Burying Coffin
disco_tracy writes "A California inventor has filed a patent for a coffin that screws into the ground vertically. The reason? It greatly reduces excavation labor and burial costs, decreases land use, and opens up more space for burials in unused areas of a cemetery. Writer Clark Boyd also lists 5 other unconventional burial options, including lye, ecopods, GPS devices that track bodies buried without headstones, cryogenics and — my favorite — getting buried in the sky."
Spinning in your grave. Hur hur.
Sig: I stole this sig.
In a Ray Bradbury story called 'The Coffin.' Although Bradbury's was fictional, it had the benefit of being a lot cooler, with little arms that dug the hole and a portable record player that did a eulogy. It even covered itself in earth once it was done.
You're screwed
Nullius in verba
Puts someone else out of work while increasing cost to the family
That's just screwed up. Bet this guy's dying to sue anyone who implements these devices without his permission...
how deep does this go? you may hit pipes / power lines?
"A California inventor has filed a patent...
Note to Submitter and Editor - you don't "file a patent" in this country, you file a patent application, which was done four years ago. The patent has now been granted, so you could say "A California inventor has been awarded a patent..."
With how often patents come up on Slashdot, we should at least make an effort to get the basics correct.
make a structure OUT OF dead people, not over them. not necessarily mausoleums and cenotaphs, but houses for the living too, or town squares: you become, literally, part of the community you helped to build/ that you loved
ok, it's a little creepy
"dad, where's grandpa?"
"in the third load bearing column by the kitchen"
at the very least, it would be a good backstory for a horror movie, or ghostbusters iii
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Don't know why the Discovery article links to the published application, but here is a link to the actual issued patent: 7,631,404
There couldn't be a better audience for this product announcement than slashdot. This is perfect for all of us who will die alone in our basements, with nobody to attend the funeral. Just flick a switch and it's done.
... and then they built the supercollider.
typically they don't put graveyards in areas that are covered in pipes and power lines...
I immediately thought of the "Braling Economy Casket" from the Ray Bradbury story.
James
Independent minded?
Can't rely on others for important things?
Then do it yourself. It is the only way to make sure it gets done right.
Why go to all that negative bother? A good old fashioned gator pit suits me. Not only is burial not even an issue but the hides from the happy, and well fed gators make lovely luggage. The rest of the gators harvested could be used as hog feed.
Now maybe if the civilized human race were finally able to get past the rather strange tradition of putting their loved ones' preserved physical remains into (usually rather expensive) boxes in the ground, in order to last as long as possible, filling up acres and acres of land with these, increasing on a daily basis with every new death -- then that might be some REAL progress. At some point this whole "burying" thing needs to go. It is not an infinitely sustainable model to follow.
"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such do-it-yourself videos as "Dig Your Own Grave - and Save"
"Dead on my feet"
I can't help but be reminded of when my niece (who was 3) used my grandfather's homemade wooden urn as a stool so she could reach the sink to wash her hands. At least my grandfather was being useful.
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. " -Voltaire
While I agree with the absurdities of burials, it has been working for tens of thousands of years with little trouble.
A work that expires before its copyright never enters the public domain and thus enjoys eternal copyright protection.
Facebook and Twitter should automatically send this to the home of their dead users and then -maybe- people would stop complaining that the social networks aren't doing enough on death? But I guess people would just complain when they get a coffin a few years too late, so how about a coffin on sign-up? "Sign up today and get this brand new self-burying coffin!"
unless it's an ancient indian burial ground.
---
Is this the MPAA? Is this the RIAA? Is this the DMCA? I thought it was the USA!
Rather gives new meaning the the phrases "You're digging your own grave" and "Oh, go screw yourself" doesn't it?
It'd be a lot more fun if they did... imagine the hilarity that would ensue when the recently deceased bursts out of their coffin after hitting a high voltage line.
Imagine this in a somewhat futuristic mafia movie, in a carefully planned gangland killing scene...
That's Get Perpendicular(TM), but with dead people:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xPvD0Z9kz8
And if you think the screwing up part is new, think again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E26jsDf7TlE
It's OK, the occupant won't care.
I'm space bound. I want my body shot in to space.
Can I bum a sig?
That's how I want to be disposed of.
It greatly reduce excavation labor and burial costs, decreases land use, and opens up more space for burials in unused areas of a cemetery.
Cremation does the same thing. So does a burlap sack and a roadside ditch. Seriously people, you're dead. Get over it.
"He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing." --Paul Atreides, Dune
This means that the cemetery security guards now have to keep on alert for shady characters with really large screwdrivers.
These coffins are actually big, evil drilling machines designed to penetrate the walls of Zion, allowing swarms upon swarms of robotic killers loose on what remains of the human race!
I'm not too sure if this is practical though.
Think about it, you would need quite a bit of force or leverage to screw that thing in. Having a huge, dirty, bright yellow backhoe driving in granddad while spewing diesel smoke and making lots of noise doesn't quite feel the same as the coffin gently descending in its hole with a discrete pulley system with soft music playing in the background.
~Syberz
Move along, this product is already at end of life.
I keep telling my wife that I want to be cremated, then have the remains pressed into an artificial diamond, then make the diamond into a piece of jewelry or furniture.
:)
She prefers traditional burial.
You are awash in a sea of fiercely stated opinions. Obvious exits are: 'File->Quit', 'Reply', and 'Page Down'.
There's an important story to be covered and we get ... this?
Seriously, mods. Do away with voting on the firehose, or at least override it when a story is clearly off-topic and puerile. Leave this crap for Fark.
That sounds like something out of a moive
Did anyone else read the title as "Man Patents Self"?
Why do this? Seriously? If you're not into traditional funerals, why not just be cremated and save the land for someone living? It seems like this is a series of inventive ways of mangling an unnecessary tradition. Is there someone out there saying "I want to be buried the traditional way, but inside some morbid transformer that can drill me into my final resting place"?
Drill, baby, drill?
... about Facebook, Myspace, etc... dealing with dead people. (http://tech.slashdot.org/story/10/08/12/143223/Can-Twitter-and-Facebook-Deal-With-Their-Dead) They should offer a package deal.
This reminds me of perpendicular recording but for meatspace. Cool! When do we get the option to screw them in three deep?
The article lists several great alternatives to the traditional burial, but let us not forget LifeGem
did the GPS coffin thing make no sense to anyone else? mean GPS units don't transmit. did they mean an RF transmitter like they use on wild animals (hardly global)? or do they mean that they record the GPS coordinates and give family's a unit to go find the spot?
throwing your garmin in with grandpa seems a bit silly since he doesn't care where he is and he ain't goin' nowhere
with this one: "GPS devices that track bodies buried without headstones"
Now just lie in it, and it will do the rest.
This is great! I've been looking for a new metaphor for my current software project. The "two story outhouse" metaphor wasn't quite working anymore.
"Let the dead bury the dead."
I thought SCO already got the patent on this.
You are being MICROattacked, from various angles, in a SOFT manner.
because their power lines are still working and the city energy authority plan to reuse them?
I have always wondered why the coffins need to be buried horizontally. It seems we could get two or three times as many graves in a cemetary if they were buried vertically, whether they are self-burying or not. There would still be room for flat stones and flower holders too.
How is the Riemann zeta function like Trump rallies? Both have an endless number of trivial zeros.
fuck, dump me in the east river
i doubt i will care
Anyone else think of the movie theloved one?
Sometimes, life itself is sarcasm...
You gotta get.. perpendicular.
FRA: STFU GTFO
I can't possibly be the only person around who thinks coffins are a waste of good resources. Back in the old days a pine box was all you got, and that wasn't so bad. Now they're full of steel, brass, aluminum and who knows what else.
Shouldn't those materials be used on the living?
This corkscrew coffin seems like it would require MORE of these things, not less.
Plow my carcass into a field for fertilizer, there's no reason to waste resources to build an empty shell to put my empty shell in.
The preceding post was not a Slashvertisement.
The immediately previous posting was "Can Twitter and Facebook Deal With Their Dead?" Now we know just what to do.
http://tech.slashdot.org/story/10/08/12/143223/Can-Twitter-and-Facebook-Deal-With-Their-Dead
I love it when tough questions are quickly answered... but now I fear that social media sites are bad for my health.
If the only tool you have is a self-burying coffin, then everything starts to look like a Facebook...
Somebody at Discovery News doesn't know how GPS works, much like you're uncertain as to how apostrophes or pluralization work.
Looks like that patent might be worth billions.
Well I will be when they're screwing my dead body.
But I don't care what happens after I die. I'll be dead. do what you want with my body.
I don't need a tombstone, nor do I need a grave. Maybe other people in my family want me to have that stuff, but I don't. not my problem.
Be seeing you...
For a real full-service coffin, it should be able to hunt you down and kill you.
Next, self-replication.
Do a barrel roll!
Do a barrel roll!
Do a barrel roll!
Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
I can't help but be reminded of the smiling face of Chuck Yeager in the "Chuck Yeager Flight Simulator", after planting an SR-71 into the ground in a power dive from 100,000 feet... and his words "Nice auger job!"
Seriously bury the dead is such an antiquated and wasteful tradition. Why not just give back.
Don't touch my Soylent Green !!!