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Man Tries to Patent His "Godly Powers"
KWInt1601 writes "A man who believes he is Christ files a patent application — and the formal dance of responding to office actions from the USPTO begins. Invoking the 1998 State Street decision, the applicant argues, 'like software, godly powers is a method, and affects a machine. Like business methods, godly powers produces a useful, concrete, and tangible result, and that should be all that's needed for statutory material.'"
It would be freaking hilarious if they granted it, and he went around suing all the Churches...
Please, please, please...
Sorry, but we have prior art. See also Respawn.
Also, your system has a respawn lag time of about 3 days. Not very efficient. Especially for someone who claims his boss/dad created an entire universe in less than a week.
I wonder how he'll deal with all the prior art... I mean, we're talking tens of thousands of years here.
If he says that he is Christ, then he's clearly publicly disclosed his "invention" 2000 years ago. The one year statutory bar prevents him from receiving a patent on this. Thus, the powers of Christ is in the public domain.
My postings are informational and does not constitute legal advice. Act on it at your risk.
No sillier than all the recent gesture / software patent applications :)
when working models are no longer required. This and patent trolls.
.. still not quite sure, reading the article. :p
The New Testament is 2000 year old prior art. Jesus's powers are not patentable under (at least) 35 USC 102.
This is not the USPTO's first trip to the crazypants rodeo.
dooms day predictions for the next 30 years. The real Christ won't be able to use his Godly powers until the patent runs out or until he pays a license fee. So unless he's planning a rapture sometime soon, I guess we can relax until the end of epoch time.
It's clearly a cunning move to discourage competing second comings of other Jesuses Christs.
What's next some guy tries to patent his sexual technique so he can troll porn companies by sueing them when they use it?
I'm thinking there's lots of prior art on this one. How else would there be terms such as "godly powers?"
I permit the sun to rise every morning but you don't see me trying to patent it, jerk.
I don't know the meaning of the word 'don't' - J
Screw prior art, finally a "useful, concrete, and tangible result" demonstration
The whole point of a patent is disclosure in exchange for a monopoly of limited term. Since it has been repeatedly emphasized that God works in mysterious ways to which mortals are not privy, clearly the apparatus and method in question have not been adequately disclosed to the copyright office.
Arguably, since God has retained these powers as a closely held Mystery, licenced only on a limited basis to his fertilitity and translation services provider subsidiary, Holy Spirit LLC, and a number of middle-eastern contractors to which he has outsourced prophetic work over the years, Godly power would be better served by Trade Secret, rather than Patent, protection...
Good for him. I wouldn't want anyone else using godly powers if I came up with them. They better grant the patent too or they might get smitted!
I'm patenting satanic powers right now!
Jeremiah 14:14
Then the LORD said unto me, The prophets prophesy lies in my name: I sent them not, neither have I commanded them, neither spake unto them: they prophesy
unto you a false vision and divination, and a thing of nought, and the deceit of their heart.
Mark 13:5-6
5 And Jesus answering them began to say, Take heed lest any man deceive you:
6 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
Luke 21:8
And he said, Take heed that ye be not deceived: for many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and the time draweth near: go ye not therefore after them.
Matthew 24:5
For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
Excuse me, I'm off to patent my Method and Apparatus for making Cowardly comments appear Anonymously -- via computer -- on the Internet! -- or Claims 1. and 3. by way of "smart" phone!
If the claimant truly possessed the powers which he claimed, there would be no need for him to delegate protection of his rights to those Powers to the Patent Office. Combined with omniscience which would allow the claimant to know when his rights were being infringed, a large thunderbolt would be an effective enforcement method, and much quicker than the courts of then Eastern District of Texas,
Donte Alistair Anderson Roberts - hi son!
Karma: Chameleon
"How do you know you're God?" - "Because when I pray I find I'm talking to myself."
Care killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
I wouldn't even be surprised if the patent was awarded.
That's all hearsay, show me some real evidence.
"Urrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! Auuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........"
+8 dork points, if you get the reference.
Captcha: bunk mate
What does a person with godly powers need a government-granted monopoly?
As copyright owner of this comment, I authorize everyone to defeat any technological measure which limits access to it.
am I the only one who sees irony/humor in this being the story right below Steve's plans for Applantis?
also, does Larry Ellison count as prior art?
Fucking system admins.
As part of the patent application, doesn't he need to disclose how others can acquire godly powers?
William of Ockham had no beard. The most likely explanation is that it was chewed off by squirrels every morning.
Have someone patent the process by which you protest at the funeral of U.S. soldiers, and trademark phrases like "God hates fags". Then when it's all granted, sue the living fuck out of WBT.
I'm only half kidding, and I'm sure as hell not trolling. It would be completely outrageous, but it would also be so chock full 'o WIN that I think I would just burst.
Are YOU using the TOOL, or is the TOOL using YOU? Think about it!
For him to successfully sue the churches, he'd have to first _prove_ that they were infringing on his patent! Poof! The patent troll promptly disappears in a puff of logic.
Just a tool....
I'm all for it! Basically, he's arguing that if software patents are valid, then his patents must also be valid. It probably won't be granted (but who knows these days?), but anything that highlights exactly how idiotic software patents really are. Think of his as the Flying Spaghetti Monster of Bilski. Go, crazy dude! Rock on, useful idiot!
Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?
Maybe even older
Doubt that the originators of the prior art will oppose the patent in person, but if I was this dude, I would not be messing about with the originators of the Godly Powers.
From TFA, it seems like he is patenting the business model used to exploit such powers almost as much as the powers itself.
Of course, maybe I am misunderstanding it. The mix of law, religion, business, and plain-old-fashioned crazy is giving this a cthulu-like quality.
I'm quite convinced God found atheists incredibly funny. If he existed.
I deduce from me, being an atheist, finding the idea of a God hilarious.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
I would wager any amount of soylent green that it is approved
"I HAVE PRIOR ART"
"Prove it"
"YOU EXIST DON'T YOU?"
"Damn"
That is all.
I can read the minds of earthworms. Surely, I can make a few bucks off that.
Please do not read this sig. Thank you.
there's an app for that...
...his name's not Harold.
My understanding is that the papists have a lock on the use of P2P protocols and this art.
Prove anything by multiplying Huge Number times Tiny Number
... He isn't Christ. If he was, he wouldn't be so concerned with "patenting his powers". If he were Chris, he would be determined to share them with the world, not show that he's an idiot and try to make money off of something that obviously isn't true.
I strongly doubt he does this :-)
"My opinions are my own, and I've got *lots* of them!"
Shouldn't he be abolishing them, not promoting them?
I'm going to patent my "method of bringing a woman to orgasm." I have a wide variety of such methods. Once I patent them all, and charge royalties for their use, I will rake it in!
This will also have the interesting side effect of creating whole new dimentions of sexual experimentation among the poor.
Muhahahahahah.
Just simply demonstrate the creation of earth ex nihilo, and our dedicated bureaucracy will complete your request in an efficient and timely manner.
This went abandoned several years ago (failure to properly respond to a Final Office Action). If only God used his infinite powers to make persuasive arguments.
Frankly, I'm dissapointed that the PTO took his money. He clearly needs psychological help, and even small entity fees add up.
When I said I'm leery of doing that with the New Testament, I meant to type Old Testament. New Testament has four concurrent stories of the Gospel that can be read in parallel. Old Testament has stories and accounts that are hundreds, if not thousands, of years apart.
Here's to hot beer, cold women, and Glaswegian kisses for all.
What is claimed is: 1. Godly powers are being used on planet Earth. For example, technology (i.e. Electronic and Medical) is being assisted by godly powers throughout the planet. Godly powers could be used prior, during, and after godly product/procedure. For example; Before—in the making of a device, like a micro-processor chip. During—in the operation of a device, like an inkjet printer cartridge. Afterwards—like gradual scar removal from breast implant surgery. A magician might perform magic before, during, and after, for any given trick (“illusion”). 2. There is a plan governing our existence and actions—God's plan. 3. Christopher Anthony Roller is the godly entity powering Earth with godly powers as stated in claim 1. 4. From claim 2, God's plan (or Game of Life) puts restrictions on what can currently be done with godly powers, or even if/when. 5. From claims 2 and 4, there are restrictions on what magic (godly powers) can be in Chris Roller's presence—what Chris Roller can actually witness, which can differ from what everyone else can witness (in claim 4). Also, the magic needs to have a plausible explanation for its end product, like magicians calling their magic “illusions” or “tricks”. 6. From claim 1, godly powers can be transferred once a grantor—a grantee. A grantee can be a grantor only if granted the right, and only a subset of the rights a grantor possesses. 7. From claim 1 and 6, some grantees may be using their powers without morals. 8. Claim 1 is proved via David Copperfield, who has been using godly powers for his financial gain (MN Federal case 05-446JRT/FLN) and hiding knowledge of godly powers as stated in claim 7. 9. From claim 1, there are many phenomenons associated with godly powers—most of them discussed on www.mytrumanshow.com. 10. From claims 5 and 9, anything Chris Roller finds out is fact (information from all senses except psychic/imagination—i.e. global information via television from eyes and ears) becomes a state of reality on planet Earth. 11. In association with claims 7 and 9, will-power can be cast on another to control people's fate. 12. From claims 2, 5, and 9, reality can be restructured. Chris sometimes calls this re-ravel. Magic completely countered/reversed is called unravel. 13. From claim 12, information via psychic/imagination (not real yet) (non-eyes/ears) can be reversed/re-raveled/unraveled. 14. From claim 12, 5, and 10, unravel/re-ravel can only be done before Chris Roller gets the “real” news, and almost entirely governed by God's plan as stated in claim 2. 15. Immoral activity from claim 7 can be covered up with reality restructuring mentioned in claim 12.
So, he obviously filed this pro se, never really having seen a patent application before (his response to the Office Action uses the term "plaintiff" even, and applicants are not plaintiffs). The guy is clearly insane, and he's already spent a thousand bucks in filing fees. While we can laugh about the application (and it is pretty amusing), it's also a clearly pretty awful story.
This application was finally rejected back in August 2008 and abandoned on May 19, 2009... more than 2 years ago.
In Wolfenstein ET has to pay a licensing fee....
I am still patenting my POOP.
LOL
The patent text describes *ethnic* use here:
"The design of godly-products have no constraints, just like any other invention, but the *ethnic* consideration of it’s use will likely be based on a majority vote of a group, similar to law creation." (emphasis mine). I'd really like to see the law of unintended consequences take effect on this patent!
prior art
The Wise adapts himself to the world. The Fool adapts the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the Fool.
But if its a "godly" power, then that seems to rule out him "inventing" it.
You cannot rely on State Street friendly arguments anymore. This patent application is DOA.
I think we should write our congresspeople asking why the government is not attempting to regulate his godlike powers! Obviously they could be quite harmful if they fall into the wrong hands!
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Hes filed a lawsuit against David Copperfield for basically infringing on his "powers" http://www.stellaawards.com/cases/copperfield-response.pdf what a moron.
That insurance companies can now insure us for "acts of god" and then go after him for payment after a disaster?