Study: Online Dating Makes People "Picky" and "Unrealistic"

Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:01 · Score: 5, Funny

That online dating has made the average man behave like the average woman.

Re:Study shows... by bgat · 2012-02-08 02:08 · Score: 5, Insightful

That online dating has made the average man behave like the average woman.
... and both to behave like the typical adolescent.

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b.g.
Re:Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:17 · Score: 5, Insightful

I think it has less to do with online dating and more to do with a sense of entitlement, period. People date online either because they're desperate or because they have unrealistic expectations to begin with, not the other way around.
And, I've said this before, most dating sites are scams. Match.com was busted for actually sending their employees on dates with clients, and all online dating sites are are chock-full of fake profiles generated by the staff and/or spammers who will throw a bone every now and then for the sake of realism.
I am considering performing an experiment - attempting online dating again, but this time inflating my salary. How long can I bullshit being an engineer, wearing my nicest clothes out for dates? Then, when I finally get 'er home to my studio apartment, I can say, "It shouldn't matter how much money I make, you goddamn gold-digger."
-- Ethanol-fueled
Re:Study shows... by one+cup+of+coffee · 2012-02-08 02:17 · Score: 5, Insightful

This is actually very insightful, female dating behavior was based to a large part on having an abundance of potential mates to choose from, they were essentially buyers, whereas men traditionally acted as sellers trying to impress women ( I know I'm oversimplifying). Now with online dating, the market has basically evened out somewhat for men as women are openly competing for mates, thus they have become more like sellers, allowing men to start behaving somewhat more like buyers.
Re:Study shows... by elrous0 · 2012-02-08 02:25 · Score: 5, Funny

I just got a picture in my head of a man telling his girlfriend "I shouldn't NEED to tell you that I want to watch football, you should KNOW it."

--
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Re:Study shows... by Synn · 2012-02-08 02:36 · Score: 2

Not really. Online dating means a few women that photograph well are bombarded by the vast majority of men.
Re:Study shows... by andydouble07 · 2012-02-08 02:36 · Score: 2

Your shining white armor is showing.
Re:Study shows... by elrous0 · 2012-02-08 02:36 · Score: 5, Interesting

Match.com was busted for actually sending their employees on dates with clients, and all online dating sites are are chock-full of fake profiles generated by the staff and/or spammers who will throw a bone every now and then for the sake of realism.
The reality is that it's almost impossible for these sites to maintain anything like a 50/50 female/male ratio without somehow gaming the system. Go to any real world dating event and you'll find something similar. Women are recruited, offered free admission, etc. just to get enough of them to show up--while guys are lined up around the block.
It's a sad statement about a larger reality in society, there are always more desperate men than women. The good looking, rich, charismatic guys tend to juggle multiple women while the dumpy guys often get zilch. Meanwhile, the women are holding out for (and fighting over) Prince Charming (i.e. the good-looking, rich, charismatic guy) and all-too-often ignoring the nice but not-so-princely peasants.
Not saying the same thing doesn't happen the other way around sometimes too (guys will often focus way too much attention on physical attributes, to their detriment). But it still usually results in more desperate men than women.

--
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Re:Study shows... by AmiMoJo · 2012-02-08 02:52 · Score: 2, Interesting

That would be true if it were not for most dating sites having a 20:1 or worse ratio of men to women. For true equality look at the gay dating scene.

--
const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
Re:Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 03:02 · Score: 4, Insightful

The same old "Nice guys finish last" cop out. If you're older than 30 and still believing that crap, I feel sorry for you.
Re:Study shows... by ShavedOrangutan · 2012-02-08 03:04 · Score: 4, Informative

1. eHarmony is more than 50% female. A lot more, from my observation. (I married one of my eHarmony matches!)

2. It changes a lot when you're over 30. Women realize there's no such thing as Prince Charming and it's time to settle for someone who treats them well and isn't going to leave.

3. It depends a lot on where you live. I lived in a small farming town for a while and most of the young women moved to the larger cities to pursue careers and never came back. Most of the men stayed. The ratio was awful.

--
Godaddy is a scam and a ripoff.
Re:Study shows... by vlm · 2012-02-08 03:05 · Score: 4, Funny

I am considering performing an experiment - attempting online dating again, but this time inflating my salary. How long can I bullshit being an engineer, wearing my nicest clothes out for dates? Then, when I finally get 'er home to my studio apartment, I can say, "It shouldn't matter how much money I make, you goddamn gold-digger."
Thats why you don't do the engineer thing but instead the hipster trust fund baby thing. "I'm too rich and cool to wear a suit". Better buy an iphone first.

--
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
Re:Study shows... by Yvan256 · 2012-02-08 03:07 · Score: 2

Can we make an exception and give this guy "Score: +infinity, Funny and Insightful"?
Re:Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 03:13 · Score: 5, Interesting

2. It changes a lot when you're over 30. Women realize there's no such thing as Prince Charming and it's time to settle for someone who treats them well and isn't going to leave.
Unfortunate what also happens is that those men become bitter. When you get spurned for so long you become used to being on your own, and you also see 'women settling' for what it really is.
Re:Study shows... by Slashdot+Parent · 2012-02-08 03:24 · Score: 2

Not really. Online dating means a few women that photograph well are bombarded by the vast majority of men.
This is really no different from real life. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that the top 30% of women (by attractiveness) get 85% of the male attention, the next 20% get 10%, and the bottom 50% get 5%.
For women, being ugly or over age 45 means you're essentially invisible.

--
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock
Re:Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 03:31 · Score: 2, Informative
I have my doubts about #1.
#2 and #3 are true. Here's a couple more:
1. Pursuant to point #2. Yes there are more women over 30yrs old looking and easy. But they usually come with baggage, divorces and kids.
2. When you're over 30 you might have expected your dating range to move up with you +/- a few years. I found it hasn't. The top bracket moves up, but strangely enough, the lower age bracket stays where it's always been. In fact, I now have many more 19-23yr olds hitting on me than when I was in that age bracket. It can be a lot of fun but honestly the illusion is shattered when they open their mouths. For the most part you quickly realize that they're just dumb kids and it's unnatractive.
On a rare occasion though, you do meet that girl in the younger age bracket that's gorgeous and doesn't immediately turn you off with stupidity and those are dating material.
Re:Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 03:44 · Score: 5, Interesting

I did just the opposite on dating sites (one of which gave me a free membership, so might as well use it.)
I had my occupation IT related, and I kept getting gold diggers.
So, I changed it to "actor at a renaissance faire", something I do for a hobby as it gets me outdoors.
The result: More interesting bites on the line. The ones looking for a sugar daddy go elsewhere.
Re:Study shows... by elrous0 · 2012-02-08 03:53 · Score: 3, Interesting

Yes there are more women over 30yrs old looking and easy. But they usually come with baggage, divorces and kids.
I would like to *strongly* echo that point--OH MY GOD, DO THEY COME WITH BAGGAGE! Expect to spend years listening to her complain about every disastrous relationship in her past, each of which she will unfairly take out on you. You get to deal with her kids (who hate you), her ex-husband (who is jealous of you, doesn't want you around his kids, doesn't pay his child support on time, and shows up drunk/high to randomly cause trouble), her old boyfriends (who all seem to be drug dealers and ex-cons, and all of whom want to hook up with her again), that one batshit-crazy girl she dated during her lesbian phase (who's even crazier than her old boyfriends), her family (none of whom she gets along with, and all of whom seem to hate you), the ghost of every guy who she WISHES she had married but didn't/couldn't, and about a metric ton of other unresolved shit (including some uncle touching her hoo-ha in 5th grade, which she blames for every subsequent problem in her life).

--
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Re:Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 04:05 · Score: 5, Interesting

It changes a lot when you're over 30. Women realize there's no such thing as Prince Charming and it's time to settle for someone who treats them well and isn't going to leave.
Unfortunate what also happens is that those men become bitter. When you get spurned for so long you become used to being on your own, and you also see 'women settling' for what it really is.
This.
I last had a date in the 90s. I was lonely for the first year or two after, bitter for the next four or five years, and finally got over it.
Now that I'm in my 40s, I've actually been asked out on a date once or twice, and I've turned them down. There's no bitterness; it's simply no longer something I want to do. I've got a reasonably-fulfilling career in tech; I get up, play with computers for a few hours, come home, and flip a coin deciding whether to (a) cook something (and crack open a bottle of something) nice and spend the rest of the evening evening vegging out reading Slashdot, Reddit, and Fark, (b) tinker on programming and/or modding projects, or (c) play Skyrim. Sex? If the urge for sex strikes, there's an entire Internet full of pr0n out there, and then I can get back to whatever it was I was doing. I'm content in my lifestyle, and when every waking hour is filled spending something I do want to do, and I realized that when push comes to shove, there's simply no room in my life for a relationship.
In the same way as the woman who settled for a good guy who'd be content to take care of her and help her raise the family, men can "settle" too. Sour grapes? Sure, there's a little bit of that. But on a risk-reward basis, I'm grateful that the human palate adjusts.
Re:Study shows... by Gilmoure · 2012-02-08 04:37 · Score: 4, Insightful

Or find someone who's also avoided the long term relationship pitfalls during their 20's as well. Both the wife and I had never lived with a partner or dated anyone long term (6+ months) before we met; no kids (except for our daughter, born a year after we got married), no ex's, no money problems, etc. Biggest problem; she had a dog and I had a cat.

--
I drank what? -- Socrates
Re:Study shows... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 06:22 · Score: 3, Interesting

That hardly makes what I wrote a load of crap. I agree with you actually. Show me a woman in her 30s who'd accept me and I'd see not her but the woman she was when she was in her 20s...and when I was in my 20s too. Then I'd realise that same person who is being nice to you *now*...well...I'd remember how they would have behaved to me in the past. It's called being bitter and I'm sure I'm not the only man who feels this way.
It would be like ripping your boss a new one in an exit interview when you leave your job, but then having to ask him for your job back three months later. Guess what? He's not going to take you back. He'll remember what you said. It's not going to be "Remember when I said your company sucked? Well I think you guys are just awesome now! Now will you give me a job please?". Same thing with women. They shouldn't be surprised when the guys they scorned aren't JUST THRILLED when they try and come back once the best years of their life are gone.
Re:Study shows... by hazah · 2012-02-08 06:24 · Score: 2

There is something to be said for a real human touch tho, no?
Re:Study shows... by yurtinus · 2012-02-08 06:42 · Score: 2

Don't hold back man, tell us how you really feel.

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+1 Disagree
Re:Study shows... by Slashdot+Parent · 2012-02-08 06:55 · Score: 2

God but you youngsters make me laugh! Over 45? I'll be 60 in a couple of months, anything under 40 and I'd feel like a child molester.
Kids... sheesh...
Well, I'm neither female nor over 45, so I have to go with what women tell me.
What I think might be at play here is that women in their 20s and early 30s grew accustomed to being able to attract hoards of men without any effort. Attracting someone their own age was pretty much a given. But how many 45 year old men do you see pursuing 45 year old women? I'd hazard a guess that you don't see this very often. If I were 45 and single, I wouldn't even look at a women over 35. Just not happening.
Anyway, based on the experience that they had in their prime, it doesn't really enter their consciousness that their target age range is now 55+. So they feel invisible to men their own age. And with good reason. They are.

--
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock
Re:Study shows... by gknoy · 2012-02-08 07:36 · Score: 4, Insightful

And, the people who do find you are probably likely to share similar interests with you (history, drama, general nerdiness) or at least appreciate that side of you. Win-win all around, it sounds like.
Re:Study shows... by AdamWill · 2012-02-08 08:13 · Score: 3, Insightful

Note: good-looking and charismatic are, mostly, both qualities you can cultivate, not god-given attributes you must bemoan your lack of.
One thing in particular: go to any mid-range restaurant and look around at the straight dating couples. There's quite a lot who follow the same, depressing pattern: woman in a clearly carefully-selected and maintained outfit, good hair, nice shoes, decent perfume, matched accessories etc, guy in cargo pants two sizes too large, unironed $20 shirt and sneakers, with 5 o' clock shadow.
For Pete's sake, if you're going to go on a date, make a freaking effort. Buy a good suit, that fits, and wear it. If you're not going to do that, at least get some decent pants and a shirt that fits. And iron it. Shave. Get your hair cut more than once a year (and pay more than $10 for it). You know that stereotype that men look at appearance and women look at character? I wouldn't rely on it if I were you. If women go for good-looking, charismatic guys then maybe you could take a shot at being good-looking and charismatic, rather than wondering why no-one seems to see your wonderful personality past your mysteriously-stained sweatpants...
Re:Study shows... by Slashdot+Parent · 2012-02-08 09:05 · Score: 3, Funny

Supermarket? How in the hell do you pick up a woman in a supermarket?
If you use a shopping cart, at least you won't have to carry her far.

--
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock

Quick Whinning and get on with life by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:03 · Score: 3, Interesting

Life is series of compromises. Online or not, there is certain group out there who thinks they
need (worse, deserve) "soul mate". Good thing with physical world is, these people will be
notorious in the town, friends circle and lose any chance of meeting decent folks.
But in Online world, they have luxury of keeping going through profiles and waste their
money, time and other peoples time. How else these "dating sites" make money ?

Re:Quick Whinning and get on with life by eternaldoctorwho · 2012-02-08 02:11 · Score: 4, Funny

Well, I'm glad you don't feel like you are entitled to words like "the", "a", or "do". Just think, the arrogance of some people!
Re:Quick Whinning and get on with life by Tsingi · 2012-02-08 02:22 · Score: 3, Insightful

Well, I'm glad you don't feel like you are entitled to words like "the", "a", or "do". Just think, the arrogance of some people!
I predict that he's Russian.

Good grammar is unrealistic too by ISpeakfortheProles · 2012-02-08 02:04 · Score: 5, Funny

FFS. There are /.ers who are capable of rewriting the entire Linux kernel in three lines of Perl, and yet cannot differentiate between "it's" and "its".

Back in the old days... by madhatter256 · 2012-02-08 02:08 · Score: 5, Funny

If you wanted a hook-up, you went to a bar.

If you wanted a girl you could marry and bring to your parents, you went to church.

Now it's like this....

If you want a hook-up, go to match or similar (free) websites

If you want to find a girl you might marry go to eharmony

If you just want a hooker you go craigslist...

--
Previewing comments are for sissies!

Re:Back in the old days... by DigiShaman · 2012-02-08 02:17 · Score: 5, Interesting

Hah! So true.
On a serious note, I know several people in real life that have used eHarmony before. Most of them ended up getting married after their first or second date using the service and shortly after a year or so of meeting each other for the first time. That tells me two things. First, eHarmony has got the system down to a science with regards to their list of questions they ask members to take. Second, (and most important) members of eHarmony are already taking a serious and mature attitude with regards to finding a mate for life. When two people make it a serious effort to make a relationship work, I'm not surprised that eHarmony has what I think is the best success rate of them all.

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Life is not for the lazy.
Re:Back in the old days... by Ihmhi · 2012-02-08 02:24 · Score: 4, Funny

eHarmony and certain people have a difference in opinion as to what's really important in a relationship.

--
Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
Re:Back in the old days... by bryanp · 2012-02-08 02:28 · Score: 4, Interesting

If you want a hook-up, go to match or similar (free) websites
If you want to find a girl you might marry go to eharmony
YMMV. I met my wife on a free site after getting diddly for results on a pay site.
We did get a pretty good laugh when after meeting online we discovered out that we have the same employer and I'm her network administrator. Coincidence is a bizarre thing. (It's a big employer - we work in different buildings a couple of blocks apart, so we'd never met)

--
"An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Col. Jeff Cooper
Re:Back in the old days... by holmedog · 2012-02-08 02:34 · Score: 4, Interesting

I realize you're joking, but let me throw some anecdotal evidence around.
I got divorced 2 years ago. A few months after that I decided I would try the dating scene. Hooked up a few times at the bar, went on some dates with friends-of-friends, the works. Decided to try online dating, because my life is busy and I thought it would increase my chances of finding someone who had free time similar to mine (weekdays, not weekends):
eHarmony: Too expensive. I can go to the bar for what I would spend to meet someone on there. I did fill out the free profile.
eVow: 3 dates from here, 2 ended in sex on the first night. "Long-term" my ass
plentyoffish: 4 dates from here - 2 ended in sex on the first night. 2 lasted 6+months (including my current girlfriend)
facebook: 3 dates - all ended in sex within the first week
I'm hardly a "playboy" at 215lbs 6'1 and an average build. But, I have to think you are right that the people on the "cheap" sites are looking for hookups and not investing in long term.
Re:Back in the old days... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:56 · Score: 2, Insightful

So you think having sex early is a sign of someone you shouldn't take seriously? Funny, I"m of the exact opposite point of view.
Re:Back in the old days... by chuckugly · 2012-02-08 02:57 · Score: 2

I'm not surprised that eHarmony has what I think is the best success rate of them all.
Depends on what the customers are after; marriage != success for everyone .....
Re:Back in the old days... by Cruciform · 2012-02-08 03:04 · Score: 2

This could also be interpreted to mean that these are people with unrealistic expectations of what relationships are, and they happen to rush into marriage because that is what tradition demands of them.
There are lots of sexually repressed religious folk just champing at the bit to get married so they can actually start having sex. Or just continue doing so without the fear of eternal torture.
Re:Back in the old days... by vlm · 2012-02-08 03:09 · Score: 2

If you want a hook-up, go to match or similar (free) websites
So, the free online dating services are more like a cloud service

If you want to find a girl you might marry go to eharmony
The paid services are more like traditional colocation plans

If you just want a hooker you go craigslist...
OK and thats the "shared hosting" plan.
So, whats my Beowulf Cluster then?
I'm sure theres a joke in here somewhere about every guy knows a chick just like "IIS and frontpage" but I'm not quite seeing it.

--
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
Re:Back in the old days... by ShavedOrangutan · 2012-02-08 03:14 · Score: 3, Interesting

If I looked at 10 profiles sent to me by Match/Yahoo/Whatever, one or two seemed like someone I'd actually enjoy talking to. That's probably about average out in the real world. If I looked at 10 profiles on eHarmony, 7 or 8 seemed like someone I'd actually enjoy talking to. So their survey does a pretty good job of increasing the odds.

--
Godaddy is a scam and a ripoff.
Re:Back in the old days... by Yvan256 · 2012-02-08 03:15 · Score: 3, Funny

You've also just told everyone that you're still using a 40-characters-wide monitor.
Re:Back in the old days... by ShavedOrangutan · 2012-02-08 03:23 · Score: 2, Insightful

Direct observation: Having sex early is a sign of low self esteem. I wish I knew that before spending 15 years in horrible relationships.

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Godaddy is a scam and a ripoff.
Re:Back in the old days... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 03:41 · Score: 5, Insightful

Direct observation. Having sex early is often a sign of liking sex.
Re:Back in the old days... by TheABomb · 2012-02-08 03:43 · Score: 5, Funny

I know one person in real life who tried to use eHarmony. He spent an hour and a half filling out that fscking personality test, only to be told that I — I mean, "he" — wasn't even worthy trying to match up. And he actually WANTED to give them money!

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MSIE: The world's most standards-complaint web browser.
Re:Back in the old days... by isopropanol · 2012-02-08 03:53 · Score: 2

Have they changed it, or does anyone with an INTP personality type still get automatically rejected?
Re:Back in the old days... by SleazyRidr · 2012-02-08 04:35 · Score: 3, Interesting

OKCupid did a page about that a little while ago ( I can't find it to link to right now...) Basically, because there are so many fake profiles, guys end up sending a lot of messages that will never get answered. Since so few of them get answered they end up sending more and more messages, and putting less and less thought into each one. Girls on the site then login in to find 100 messages all saying "hey, you're pretty", and decide to quit the site, leading to even more profiles that will never answer your messages.

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Is 1563649 a prime number?
Re:Back in the old days... by SleazyRidr · 2012-02-08 04:44 · Score: 2

Someone else did however manage to find it for me: http://science.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=2660507&cid=38966283

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Is 1563649 a prime number?
Re:Back in the old days... by TheSpoom · 2012-02-08 05:44 · Score: 2

Curious: Are you atheist / agnostic? I got into the site way back when after filing out their gigantic questionnaire, but it does seem like the site tends toward a certain type of person.

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It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
- E. Debs
Re:Back in the old days... by tompaulco · 2012-02-08 09:22 · Score: 2

There are lots of sexually repressed religious folk just champing at the bit to get married so they can actually start having sex.
Yes, being a Christian male really sucks. Christians aren't supposed to have sex before marriage, and women universally shun sex AFTER marriage.

--
If you are not allowed to question your government then the government has answered your question.

It's unrealistic by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:10 · Score: 3, Interesting

I can think of a couple reasons why this happens. As a male who spent a few years online dating myself, and seeing both sides of the fence.

Guys terribly outnumber women on these sites. Women get many many many requests, and it's pretty much pick of the litter for them. Even if they don't get picky, they get jaded due to the idiots trying anything to get a woman interested. It's akin to trying to find an email from your family while sifting through endless penis enlargement emails.

There's always someone better looking or more interesting out there and dating sites make these people known to you .Be it through contact with them or the mere presence of their profile online. It's almost a carrot and stick game. It's so much easier to stop seeing someone who doesn't completely interest you when there are other potential mates out there.

Re:It's unrealistic by Gaygirlie · 2012-02-08 02:31 · Score: 2

Even if they don't get picky, they get jaded due to the idiots trying anything to get a woman interested.
You're forgetting the most annoying thing: you get endless amounts of penis pictures and "u want sexx?!" - messages in your messagebox. Well gee, OF COURSE you get jaded after a while when you keep getting stupid crap like that and then you sort of get accustomed to the idea that more-or-less all guys are like that. The only way to get over that is for guys to appear well above the average, which is easier said than done.
In other words, guys themselves -- atleast the annoying, horribly irritating and horny ones -- are only making the whole thing even worse for themselves and other guys.
As an aside, me being nerdy, only wanting to stay at home playing games together or separately, watching movies/anime, not liking shopping or going to bars, and being just generally a lazy, fat f*ck I don't really seem to be what people are looking for anyways... ;)
Re:It's unrealistic by Yvan256 · 2012-02-08 03:31 · Score: 3, Funny

It's not that kind of packages, dumbass.
He probably means the UPS and FedEx kind of packages, you know, like when you order stuff from eBay?
Re:It's unrealistic by Gaygirlie · 2012-02-08 03:55 · Score: 2

You missed the word "fat", it's like a magical invisible condom surrounding the whole you, protecting you, except that it protects you from having any kind of physical contact whatsoever instead of only genital contact!

Why is this a problem? by LikwidCirkel · 2012-02-08 02:10 · Score: 5, Insightful

The ability to be picky with online dating is the whole point! You can put all of your cards on the table before ever even meeting someone. In this busybody world, people don't want to have to go through traditional dating, only to find out months into a relationship about some strong deal breaker like wanting kids. That's just a disappointing waste of time and people are starting to realize it.

If you're looking for someone to spend your life with, you damned well should be picky. For the record, I met my partner online many years ago on a niche dating site, so maybe I'm a little biased.

Re:Why is this a problem? by JoeMerchant · 2012-02-08 02:21 · Score: 5, Interesting

And yet, there is no evidence that people are any happier.
Happiness is a differential function, it doesn't matter what you have in absolute terms, only relative.
So, if everybody is suddenly 1000% better off, happiness returns to baseline within a year or so, even while the improvement remains.
I think this, more than anything, explains Moore's law. Technological progress is often made in quantum leaps, but rather than delivering these leaps to the world, companies choose a slow steady increase - the engineering departments say it's safer that way, but marketing knows that they can sell far more widgets if they improve them a little at a time, making customers happy every time they get an improvement, instead of delivering all the improvements at once, making customers a little more happy once, but then complacent or even dissatisfied with the apparent lack of improvement.
Re:Why is this a problem? by elrous0 · 2012-02-08 02:42 · Score: 5, Funny

Happiness is a differential function
You, sir, hereby win slashdot.

--
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Re:Why is this a problem? by JoeMerchant · 2012-02-08 06:38 · Score: 4, Interesting

"Happiness is a differential function."
Wow, that may be the most plainly wrong statement I've ever read about such a nebulous and subjective concept.
Take a working couple with 2 kids, living in a 1600 square foot house in a modest neighborhood.
Give the man a 100K/year raise, no additional hours at the office required - wait 5 years.
Wife becomes stay at home mom, free to pursue her interests. Move to a 4500 sqft McMansion in that better subdivision across the street. New cars, no debt, free to travel and purchase whatever they desire (within reason) at will.
How long before the wife is actually less happy because she has time to contemplate all that is wrong with life, her life in particular?
I lived in this "Stay at home mom land" outside Houston, TX for a couple of years. Sure, they look happier than slum dwellers, they certainly have no right to complain, and yet, complain they do - often more than their less fortunate counterparts. And, it's not just surface problems, they really, genuinely lack happiness - some of them give lots of money to psychologists to try to figure it out, the ones that get SSRIs generally do improve their mood, if not their actual circumstances.
YMMV, these types of general statements do not apply to 100% of any population, but in my observation, the trend is there and clear.
Also interesting is the bathtub curve relating wealth to suicide, suicide rates increase significantly at both ends of the wealth spectrum - what do both ends of the wealth spectrum have in common? A lot of free time on their hands, for one.

Theory by TheSpoom · 2012-02-08 02:11 · Score: 5, Interesting

My theory is that since online dating has a lower barrier to entry, it attracts people who wouldn't otherwise be "ready" to find their soulmate. It's like PHP; it can be a powerful tool, but because it's easy there's a lot of crap code out there.

Disclaimer: Met my wife and soulmate on OkCupid. :^)

--
It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
- E. Debs

Re:Theory by stanlyb · 2012-02-08 02:19 · Score: 2

was she good with....PHP?
Re:Theory by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:38 · Score: 3, Funny

Wow, you met both your wife, AND your soulmate through OkCupid? Do they know about each other?
Re:Theory by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:40 · Score: 4, Funny

was she good with....PHP?
No, but she's down with OPP.
Re:Theory by vlm · 2012-02-08 03:00 · Score: 2

Wow, you met both your wife, AND your soulmate through OkCupid? Do they know about each other?
Its that old joke where the wife thinks I'm with the soulmate, and the soulmate thinks I'm with the wife, so they both leave me alone so I can get the time to post here on /.

--
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
Re:Theory by TheSpoom · 2012-02-08 03:18 · Score: 2

Coming from Ontario, I am in fact the one who is down with the OPP. Well, not really, I've never interacted with them. It helps that in Canada, speeding is usually accepted up to around 20kph over the limit on highways.

--
It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
- E. Debs
Re:Theory by TheVelvetFlamebait · 2012-02-08 03:31 · Score: 2

Disclaimer: Met my wife and soulmate on OkCupid. :^)
They didn't find out about each other, did they? That would have been awkward...

--
You know, there is a difference between trolling and pointing out the flaws in your reasoning. Just saying.

Picky by Aladrin · 2012-02-08 02:12 · Score: 5, Insightful

Why not be picky? Have you seen the stats for divorce lately? Anything is better if it helps people have good relationships instead settling for whatever came along when got fed up.

True love is unrealistic. That doesn't mean it's a bad goal.

I'm currently dating a wonderful girl I met online after many years of not finding anyone I would spend my life with. Had I not been 'picky' I could have settled for any number of other women that wouldn't make me happy. Why would I do that to myself?

--
"If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you." - DM

Re:Picky by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 02:15 · Score: 3, Insightful

The problem is that marriage is viewed as a commodity by most people. That's why the divorce rate is so high.
You should never get married to someone unless you spend the time to get to know them fully and really commit to marriage, which, you know, should be for the rest of your lives (til death do you part and all that).
Re:Picky by CMYKjunkie · 2012-02-08 02:30 · Score: 4, Insightful

True love is unrealistic. That doesn't mean it's a bad goal.
With respect: you, sir, have not then met the proper woman! I'm 33 and have been with that "unrealistic" true love woman since I was 18. It isn't a "bad goal," it's THE goal.
Re:Picky by ShieldW0lf · 2012-02-08 02:41 · Score: 5, Interesting

Human brains lose plasticity as they age. The longer we wait to pair off, the less we are able to adapt to our mate, and them to us.
Human lives have chapters in them, like a story, and everything has to happen in its proper time. If you fuck with that timing, like we have by driving people to stay single till later in life so they can pursue education and career, you fuck the person up. Forever.
It's just like all those studies that show teenagers are much more vulnerable to drug addiction than mature adults. Pheremones are the drugs kids are supposed to get addicted to.

--
-1 Uncomfortable Truth
Re:Picky by flirno · 2012-02-08 02:54 · Score: 5, Insightful

The present culture is not synchronized to our biological realities. I am sure someone will try to fix it with synthetic pheremones when it becomes enough of a problem.
Re:Picky by brainzach · 2012-02-08 03:03 · Score: 4, Insightful

True love isn't unrealistic, but the expectation that it will solve all your relationship problems is. Relationships require compromise if they are going to be successful long term.
Re:Picky by SemperUbi · 2012-02-08 03:19 · Score: 3, Informative

I disagree. It takes a while for people to learn their own nature, what works best for them, and what they really want. 'Adapting to' a mate means knowing how to take the measure of a person, knowing how to tell when the 'fit' is right -- whether for a life together, or just for coffee. You're not born knowing that; you have to learn from experience. And it gets much easier with age. Neuroplasticity is a lifelong phenomenon.
Re:Picky by timeOday · 2012-02-08 03:24 · Score: 2

Why not be picky? Have you seen the stats for divorce lately?
Wait, you think the divorce rate went up because people got less picky?
Having a good relationship does not result from finding the perfect person. There aren't any. (Including yourself, no offense). Does that mean you just pick somebody at random? No, of course not. But if you've dated a few dozen people and the same patterns keep occurring, it's not them, it's you. Trying to have a good relationship by being picky upfront is like trying to drive a good car by buying the right make and model. There are better and worse choices, but when you see a nice older car driving around it says more about the owner than the manufacturer.
Re:Picky by LunaticTippy · 2012-02-08 05:43 · Score: 2

I would caution you against hubris. A number of relationships founder on hazards you are approaching: middle age and the kids moving out.

Losing your partner without much single adult life can be difficult. It's harder when people remind you of your smug pronouncements and overconfidence.

--
Man, you really need that seminar!

It's not online dating that's caused it... by TWX · 2012-02-08 02:13 · Score: 5, Insightful

...it's television, movies, glamour magazines, and many other forms of "art" and "culture" that are very heavily pushed upon a market.

It's been my experience that many women that met the physical/appearance standards that are promoted to us were at minimum highly narcissistic, and at worst bat-shit-fucking-crazy. It took me awhile to understand this, and on a techie note, to understand how damaged the former-BBSer women of the early to mid nineties at the tail end of the craze were. Generally damaged, each and every one, and we're not talking scratch-and-dent here either.

People, the dating pool is the pool of people who like to do the same things that you like to do. If there are no eligible people in your social circles, then you need to expand your social circles somewhat. That doesn't mean doing masculine or effeminate things if you don't want to, but you have to do something that you like to do that those you seek also like to do.

In my case it was swing and ballroom dance. It worked so well that I married and MIT graduate.

--
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.

Re:It's not online dating that's caused it... by vlm · 2012-02-08 02:36 · Score: 3, Interesting

then you need to expand your social circles somewhat. That doesn't mean doing masculine or effeminate things if you don't want to
Why the heck not? That is so wrong advice. You die when you stop learning. If you're not comfortable with your own orientation such that you can try the "wrong thing" once in awhile, get that all figured that out before trying to add another person to the mix.
I used to troll scrapbooking stores and fabric stores and crafty stores and ask hot chicks without wedding rings for help picking out a gift for my mom (or sister, or aunt, or grannie, you get the idea). Supermarkets and "gift stores" too. I'd get teased by some coworkers about being seen going to "chick stores" because they were not sure of their own masculinity (I was sure, so I had no problem doing this kind of stuff), to which I'd respond with something brilliantly witty like "F you I'm getting some" (ah the intelligence and wit of youth...). Married over ten years to a scrapbooker chick now.
Also, aside from getting any, its interesting to try new stuff. I have no interest in using a sewing machine as a lifestyle or hobby, but I'm glad I tried it once. Those things are amazing little mechanical precision jewels. Sewing two pieces of fabric together didn't make my nads fall off, anymore than a chick playing a video game automatically grows chest hair.

--
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger

Giant virtual bar by crowemojo · 2012-02-08 02:17 · Score: 3, Interesting

In my experience, the most popular dating sites (listed as type 1 in the article, like OKCupid and Match) are like giant bars. The women are hounded from all directions by men, and the men seem to have to fight to distinguish themselves. Every good friend I know that is female and on one of these sites is constantly bombarded and things quickly devolve into shallow initial impressions. I'm willing to bet most relationships started at bars are often shaky when things get real as well.

Re:Need amazon reviews on people by Sneeka2 · 2012-02-08 02:17 · Score: 5, Funny

Just look at the guy's /. profile. Do you want the +5 Funny guy, the +4 Insightful/1 Interesting or the wild -3 Flamebait?

--
Bitten Apples are still better than dirty Windows...

Reality slap... by Lumpy · 2012-02-08 02:17 · Score: 4, Insightful

Regular dating makes people "picky" and "unrealistic"

I have friends that ,"I can only date a HOTTIE" and they are too freaking ugly, fat, etc to even get the attention of a normal girl. One friend is nearly 400 pounds and looks like the dough boy and thinks he will get a hot chick.

The REALITY is that many people are not only unrealistic, but they are shallow and have a twisted sense of the world.

Also remember, All Hot chicks are insane, but not all insane chicks are hot.

--
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.

Re:Reality slap... by Maximum+Prophet · 2012-02-08 02:28 · Score: 4, Insightful

Watch just about any sitcom from a few years ago. Fat guy with hot chick. (King of Queens, Family Guy, The Flintstones, The Honeymooners)

It's actually getting better. Ray Romano and Tim Allen seem to be matched with an actresses of equal "hotness".

--
All ideas^H^H^H^H^Hprocesses in this post are Patent Pending. (as well as the process of patenting all postings)
Re:Reality slap... by Kjella · 2012-02-08 03:13 · Score: 2

Also remember, All Hot chicks are insane, but not all insane chicks are hot.
No, but all single hot chicks who'll take an average flirt from an average to poor looking guy are probably bat shit insane, that's why they're single. Of course there's a match of personalities too, but a great looking body doesn't come any easier to them than it does to us, if they're willing to invest a lot in diet and exercise to look fit and you're not at all interested, that's a huge clash of interests already. Of course they say opposites attracts but that goes for interests that fill each other out rather than overlap, not being dead opposite to each other.

--
Live today, because you never know what tomorrow brings
Re:Reality slap... by Lumpy · 2012-02-08 04:00 · Score: 2

1 . no not really, but what moron is trying to use Slashdot as a dating site? That is mistake #1 Kind of like trying to pick up women outside a public restroom.
2. dating is not harder as a man, it's just that men are in general really really stupid when it comes to interaction with the opposite sex. Mostly because their fathers were morons, "date the pretty ones son, they are better breeding stock" or simply because they listen to or read stupid crap in worthless rags like "mens health" that is 100% inaccurate. Finally they try to "pick up a chick" at a bar, the WORST place in the world to find anything but a STD.
Dating is actually very easy. Step 1, find someone you like. Step 2, find if they have like interests. Step 3, ask them out. Step 4, find out if they are a keeper... I.E. not a "psycho hose beast" or has values or ideas that go against yours. Step 5, learn that "love" is never love for the first few months but nothing more than infatuation. Compatibility everywhere including sexual. If one likes it 3 times a day and the other thinks sex is a necessary evil. they are doomed unless they are ok to an open relationship or other non traditional relationship.
Step 6 most never learn... Step 6 is make them your absolute best friend, Because that part will survive the Throwing shit scream fights and all the bad times that will happen.
Step 7 - communicate daily and honestly. IF you cant tell the other EVERYTHING or you are keeping something from your partner, you are doomed.
If a person is dating they should be running through steps 1 and 2 with every single person they meet, and hitting step 3 when they find someone they like.
Now covering basics like interaction.... Step 2 should not be "BOOBIES! I LIKE BOOBIES! YOU LIKE BOOBIES!!! DUHHHHHH!" that I see a lot of men pretty much devolve to.
Luckily that is a Darwinian reaction to allow the fittest of the species to mate earlier than the lesser of the species.

--
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.

slashdot personals by vlm · 2012-02-08 02:23 · Score: 2

What is the story with slashdot personals?

I "remember" this from something like a decade ago, but I don't remember much but the name and a couple anecdotes. The Mighty GOOG has failed me, or at least I'd have to wade thru more junk than I'm willing to.

I could swear we were doing something like a dating site linked to /.. I even remember a kuro5hin article flaming it for not being LGBT compatible, as if a site thats not even UTF-8 compatible is going to have that too.

I don't remember if it was serious or a joke or what. Probably because I was already married (still am, to the same chick even)

--
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger

What I learned from online "dating" by tekrat · 2012-02-08 02:26 · Score: 5, Insightful

#1) Women don't actually want to go out with you. What they want is a male "pen-pal". They want you to write long emails to them which they can read in Starbucks while sipping their lattes.

#2) Avoid any woman who's profile claims she isn't seeking anyone who plays games or has baggage. Because she's the one who's playing games and has baggage.

#3) Yes, yes, yes, we all love wine, good food, long walks on the beach. Tell me what's unique about you, not what makes you the same as everyone else!

#3) After more than a decade of online dating, I've decided I'm happier by myself anyhow. When I crave "companionship", there are services for that.

--
If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.

Re:What I learned from online "dating" by BorgDrone · 2012-02-08 02:47 · Score: 2

#3) Yes, yes, yes, we all love wine, good food, long walks on the beach. Tell me what's unique about you, not what makes you the same as everyone else!
Relevant XKCD
Re:What I learned from online "dating" by tekrat · 2012-02-08 03:14 · Score: 3, Insightful

With few exceptions, everyone I know has something about that them distinguishes themselves. If you can't name it, then maybe you don't know yourself as well as you should.
Maybe it's a hobby, maybe it's your compassion, maybe it's your love of a particular bad song from the 70's, maybe it's just the way you hold your fork while eating, but each individual is just that, and recognizing that and making that your own is what places you as the center of your own universe.
You need to define what makes you, you. Otherwise you're a social security number and that's it. And if you still haven't found out who you are by now, then maybe you're not ready for dating of any sort.
I know who am I am. Do you?

--
If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.

Why you should never pay for online dating by Mr_Silver · 2012-02-08 02:31 · Score: 5, Interesting

An interesting article originally posted by OKCupid (until they were bought and it was pulled down) explaining why you should never pay for online dating:

http://interestingreads.posterous.com/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating-ok

Worth a read.

--
Avantslash - View Slashdot cleanly on your mobile phone.

Met my wife online 9 years ago.. by Colourspace · 2012-02-08 02:32 · Score: 3, Funny

Divorce coming through this week. HTH.

i met my wife on EHarmony by BitwiseX · 2012-02-08 02:32 · Score: 2

and yeah, I was picky. Who wouldn't be? Generally, the point of marriage is to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, why wouldn't you be picky?

Comparing dozens and sometimes hundreds of possible dates may encourage a "shopping" mentality in which people become judgmental and picky, focusing exclusively on a narrow set of criteria like attractiveness or interests.

I always thought that's what dating was, shopping for your soul mate. The article continues to say that communicating over the internet creates unreal expectations. Well... yeah. I've talked to girls on the phone and gotten completely unrealistic expectations too. I'm not sure that's an effect of online dating or just not meeting face to face yet. You can't even expect this on the first date! Nobody reveals all their faults on the first date (Hell, I would never have had a date if I did!). Online dating sites are a good modern day tool, and the online equivalent of going to a singles bar, and if you've gone to a singles bar and actually gotten a date, you know it's trial and error.

You just gotta use your tools right! If you expect a computer to find your soulmate for you, then your expectation are definitely unrealistic.

It does happen though. I didn't expect it.

Re:Picky and unrealistic? You don't say by Larryish · 2012-02-08 02:33 · Score: 3, Insightful

Why online dating will never work:

Jdogg: Hey
QT-Pie: Hey
Jdogg: whats goin on
QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie: what does that mean?
Jdogg: what are you wearing?
QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg: Garter belt?
QT-Pie: Ummm...no.
Jdogg: Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your p*ssy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg: You leave everything to Jdogg.
Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

obligatory subject by Charliemopps · 2012-02-08 02:39 · Score: 2

I think it's more likely that "Picky" and "Unrealistic" people eventually gravitate towards online dating because it allows them to be "Picky" and "Unrealistic" over a much larger selection of people they can eventually reject on superficial grounds. The majority of the people I know that are using these services are Fat, over 50, have bad jobs, and they want to meet people that are slender, under 30 and make good money. The few people I've met that have gotten a relationship off of one of these sites are usually nuts, and the relationship ends up being the kind you read about in the paper eventually.

If you want to meet a romantic interest you have 2 options:
1. Pick your favorite hobby, take classes, go on retreats, workshops, do the hobby with large groups of people... you will run into someone eventually.
2. Go to a bar, get drunk, hope you wake up next to someone you find attractive. (This has the highest probability of success.)

Re:No Posts? I quit! by dna_(c)(tm)(r) · 2012-02-08 02:45 · Score: 4, Funny

Slashdot lacks readers with experience on this topic.

That hasn't stopped anyone before.

EHarmony only works if you're Christian by tekrat · 2012-02-08 02:55 · Score: 2

If you're from some other wierdo religion, you are scored down. EHarmony's dirty little secret is that their "29" personality traits that they score you on is really all about if you're the right religion.

Notice of course that they never tell you exactly how their matching algorithm works.

The 5 worst dates I ever went on were through eHarmony. They weren't just a complete waste on time and money, they were one of the reasons I gave up entirely.

I mean, OK you met your wife... Goody for you, you're one of the lucky ones, maybe you're white, christian and from the midwest. I don't know.

But, it seems to me that their matching ability isn't really all it's cracked up to be, because my experience wasn't just bad, it was beyond bad.

--
If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.

Re:In other news... by Yvan256 · 2012-02-08 03:09 · Score: 2

You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me" routine? I invented "it's not you, it's me". Nobody tells me it's them not me, if it's anybody it's me. - George

Save your money by benjfowler · 2012-02-08 03:19 · Score: 4, Informative

Save your money. Online dating is for poorly socialized basement dwellers.

Want to meet somebody nice? Try going out into the real world, and outside your comfort zone. Travel. Study something new. Change jobs. Move to another country. Then you'll meet lots of people; some may be date material, some will become lifelong friends, and a few will be special enough to share your life with. And that person, odds-on, will look nothing like what you imagined your partner to look like in your mind's eye.

Me? On a whim, I quit my job, moved to the other side of the world with nothing but the clothes on my back and my savings, and decided to start afresh. Six years later, I'm happily settled down with my lovely and very sweet, Spanish fiancee, only a few short years after I thought I'd be single forever.

It's what pickup nerds call "inner game". Work on growing as a person and being a balanced individual, and eventually everything else will fall into place.

Get out there, be bold, and have the courage to do something new and different. Don't waste your time on seedy websites.

Advice for women by gurps_npc · 2012-02-08 03:29 · Score: 5, Interesting

The simplest, best, way for a woman to use an online dating service is to NEVER respond to emails.

Instead she should initiate contact herself.

This way she:

1. Eliminates any douchebag that doesn't let a women initiate contact.

2. Ignores all the douchebags emailing everyone.

3. Is less likely to be fooled by someone customizing their email to her profile.

Note, this only works because other women are not emailing men. Everyone wants to be pursued - even the woman that call themselves dominant. But that idea simply works BADLY online. Too many men doing the pursuing.

It also takes a woman smart enough to realize that emailing a guy doesn't make her overly aggressive. Hell, even if you are a kinky submissive on an "adult" web site you can still email a guy in a submissive way. It's about what you say, not who wrote first.

--
excitingthingstodo.blogspot.com

It is called the switch by SmallFurryCreature · 2012-02-08 03:44 · Score: 5, Interesting

It is no doubt sexist but girls who reach puberty are very attractive to a large age range of men. Boys of the same age, only to Catholic priests. For women, it is looks that count. For men, it is success, power, confidence. Not saying that all women are gold diggers only after a wallet but confidence is something you gain overtime, with success, with power, with age. And when you couldn't get a 18yr old at 18, why would you date that girl who is now 40 when she has been used up and now desperate when with your status gain, you can get a nice young girl?

Dating sites reflect this. I have worked on two and the database clearly showed that the women tended to be more experienced (read: many failed relationships) and fed up with it and now trying to find something more longterm. Generally these women show little self-awareness of why they are this situation, 30 something with just as many boyfriends and nothing permanent.

Men are slightly more realistic but to negative. A lot of 30yr old men who now feel they have power/money to pretend to be confident are really hateful to women who they believe are now only interested because of their cash.

When these two groups meet, mis-communication is rife, a lot of men are simply not prepared to accept that a women their own age has more experience, they don't want second hand goods or even 30th hand goods. The women on the other hand don't quite get why men they turned down for years are not falling over themselves like all the guys that came before. They don't see that the guys they had before were only there for the sex and nothing else.

The men might not have much experience with relationships but neither do the women. Being used as a booty call is after all not a relationship. The only thing these women are good at is failed relationships. Think of it like this: If you try a race circuit a thousand time and crash everytime at the first corner you are NOT more experienced at racing at that circuit then someone who never even been there. It is a complex concept but an essential one if you want to understand the dating scene. A one-night stand when he never calls again does NOT teach you how to make a relationship work. In fact, if that is your history for the last decade, it seems likely you will never learn.

A lot of people approach online-dating and other dating aids with this screwed up mind set, men who hate all women because they never had the guts so ask them out, girls who been used all their life thinking it is the fault of men that none of them saw how wonderful a person she really is, people with expectation that just don't exist in this world.

Real romances? Try this, do a poll among married couples for valentine gifts and on a dating site. The results might be very different, the married couples are realistic, the dating site will have stuff that even Spielberg couldn't make up.

It is true after all, normal people don't need dating sites. That does NOT mean you will only find freaks on dating sites. It means if you are using one, you are a freak. Accept this, take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself: "What is wrong with me that I have to use this". It is not wrong to use dating sites but if you think you are perfect when you have to use one... you are in for a disappointment.

--

MMO Quests are like orgasms:

You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.

Re:It is called the switch by TheDarkMaster · 2012-02-08 04:10 · Score: 2

+6 Informative for you. And not being "sexist" but cruelly realistic, most women only wants rich and attractive men, and kick any applicant who does not fit these requirements. The "scoundrels" do not bother with the kicks, but the good guys give up.

--
Religion: The greatest weapon of mass destruction of all time
Re:It is called the switch by smellsofbikes · 2012-02-08 04:30 · Score: 3, Informative

It is no doubt sexist but girls who reach puberty are very attractive to a large age range of men. Boys of the same age, only to Catholic priests.
Not to disagree with many other excellent points in your post, but I was reading a book a while back about reproductive strategies in different animal/plant/bacterial species, and one thing it mentioned was that with humans, men are looking for 25-year-olds. Heterosexual men look for 25 year old women, homosexual men look for 25 year old men. They'll settle for stuff on either side of that point, but that's roughly the high point on the desire curve. In contrast, women look for partners who are a few years older than them, whether hetero or homosexual. This isn't the case at all with most other animals, because they generally don't experience menopause, so there's much less age selectivity towards females; whatever switch controls hetero or homosexuality appears to just change which sex you're interested in rather than your attractiveness filter for that sex.

--
Nostalgia's not what it used to be.
Re:It is called the switch by wienerschnizzel · 2012-02-08 04:40 · Score: 4, Interesting

For men, it is success, power, confidence. Not saying that all women are gold diggers only after a wallet but confidence is something you gain overtime, with success, with power, with age.
Surprised to see that many opinions of this kind modded up here.
First of all - there is a lot of traits that women find attractive besides raw confidence or power. Here's a little list of them:
humorous/ witty
creative
adventurous
artistic
mysterious
classy
original
social
entertaining
inspiring
charismatic
There is also another way to put it:
Anything but boring and predictable!
Of course, the problem is that the 'not boring and not predictable' group has a high ratio of older (successful) men and jerks in it. But that's not women's fault.
Re:It is called the switch by Anonymous Coward · 2012-02-08 05:22 · Score: 2, Insightful

Normal people don't need dating sites? Maybe I'm just not "normal", but I have no idea where I'm going to meet somebody to date. I don't go to bars (and I certainly wouldn't want to date somebody who regularly does). Ditto with church or sporting events. The workplace is off-limits. I think dating sites are the perfect place to find somebody.
dom
Re:It is called the switch by Zero__Kelvin · 2012-02-08 05:53 · Score: 2

Freak. ;-)

--
Guns don't kill people; Physics kills people! - John Lithgow as Dick Solomon on Third Rock From The Sun
Re:It is called the switch by Grishnakh · 2012-02-08 06:10 · Score: 5, Insightful

It is true after all, normal people don't need dating sites.
Why is this accepted blindly as a fact, when there's in fact no basis for it?
Where do "normal people" go to find people to date anyway? Maybe "normal people" just isn't supposed to include men who are in male-dominated professions like engineering. When I was in college, there were frequently zero women in my classes. After college, it was worse: not only were most of my coworkers male, but almost everyone (male and female) were already married. So where are you supposed to meet single women in that situation? Stumble across them at the grocery store? Meet friends of friends? That's not so easy when all your coworkers are married (married people don't socialize with single people as a general rule), and all your friends live 1000+ miles away because you moved to a new city for a job.
Every time I've brought this up, it seems like the standard answer is that you're supposed to meet your life partner at a bar or club while you're both completely drunk. No thanks.
Re:It is called the switch by RivenAleem · 2012-02-09 00:41 · Score: 2

I don't want to sound snarky, but you complain that all your class were male, all your co-workers were male and then go on to say that they were already married. So all the male workers in your male dominated work environment were married ... except you. How did they meet single women to get married to in the first place?
Working on the premise that all your co-workers are in the same situation as you, but managed to find partners regardless, seems to indicate that the situation itself is not at fault.
I agree with you regarding bar/club, it's a terrible, poorly lit environment to try to find a companion. Have you tried at the gym or other sporting events? What about hobby related conventions? It would be a good place to try find people with similar interests.

Re:shopping by Octorian · 2012-02-08 03:54 · Score: 2

And there in lies the problem with the whole online dating experience. They make it *far* too complicated to get from "identify person of interest" to "meet that person." Of course the probability of actually hitting it off once you do meet in person doesn't seen to be any better than any other method. Seriously, why should you need to be able to keep up an active online conversation for (possibly) weeks, when there will be a rejection/acceptance moment from one of you within the first 5 minutes of actually meeting in person?

bittersweet mystery of life by bzipitidoo · 2012-02-08 04:13 · Score: 2

Most times, it seems so capricious why anyone (ok, why any man) gets rejected. Stephen Hawking doesn't understand it. Everything sounds great online, you correspond for weeks, and then in the first face to face meeting she kills the relationship. She won't say why. Maybe she can't, if the real reason is something biological. He didn't smell different or musky enough. Or he's not tall enough. Or she's no gold digger, not consciously, yet the car he pulled up in was too cheap, small, and old. Or she's testing him with mind games, wants to see if he can figure out when no means no, and when no doesn't really mean no, maybe looking for persistence from him, seeing in that an indication that he is serious. What does "let's just be friends" really mean? Or despite professing a desire for a smart man, she didn't really mean that, and actually wants the big dumb infatuated ox who is easy for her to manipulate and mentally dominate.

Really baffling is seeing what some women choose. She rejects a bunch of great guys and ends up going with a total cad, the most shallow, superficial, lying, hypocritical loser and fool available, the kind of guy who abuses women and cheats even as he preaches about morality. You know, guys like Newt Gingrich except without the wealth and power. Well, maybe he has cute interns working for him as well as money, power, and fame. Maybe it's because she's selling herself short, doesn't believe she deserves better. Sometimes she comes to her senses, and can't understand herself why she ever dated or married a guy like that.

I also wonder if the larger climate makes dating even harder. There are too many people in the world. It's too hard to raise children and maintain the high standard of living people have grown to like. Women are more independent than ever, don't need any man. And employers subtly pressure women not to have children, as that would of course take them away from work. Queen Victoria found the biology of it all icky and disgusting. Didn't like the "horror" of breastfeeding. Maybe she was merely ahead of her time? What's with calling sex "the nasty"?

The only way I've ever been able to make much sense of it all is through a biological view. We're even more enslaved to our hormones than we realize. Men's lot is to ask and ask and ask, and be rejected almost every time but not quite, and the reason why it's like that is the biological fact that the effort of producing offspring falls almost entirely on women.

--
Intellectual Property is a monopolistic, selfish, and defective concept. It is "tyranny over the mind of man"

Re:Only on slashdot by holmedog · 2012-02-08 04:17 · Score: 5, Insightful

Easy sex != good sex. Believe it or not, there are a lot of women (and I assume men, though I wasn't searching for those) on dating sites who really are just looking for someone to hook up with. They aren't the ones with fake pictures. I'll go ahead and explain my methodology for online dating since so many people responded with "wtf I wish that's how it worked".

1) Contact everyone within 100 miles that you think might actually be worth talking to. You don't have to "love at first sight". Women on these sites get solicited *ALL THE TIME* so remember that you aren't unique and saying "Sup" isn't enough.
2) Talk to the girls with "real" pictures and profiles.
3) Be real to yourself. Stats say you aren't the top 5%. Don't expect the top 5% of females to find you attractive.
4) Text message. Don't keep that crap on the site. Them having to come to the site to read your emails means they are reading all those other solicitations as well.
5) Talk to single moms. These sites bread-and-butter is single parents who don't have time to go out. Deal with it. If you want to go to a free site you should at least entertain the idea that the people on it will have children.
6) Ask questions. Most people can't stand to leave a question unanswered. "Sup, you look pretty" won't get a reply. "Is that a doberman in that picture?" will.
7) Deal with the fact that these are real people. You aren't shopping in a magazine. Expect the average person on these sites to look like the average person in real life. The ones that are super hot in pictures are getting 500 emails a day.

It's true... by raehl · 2012-02-08 04:27 · Score: 5, Insightful

...but not just in the original meaning.

We're ALL trained to find a mate of ultimate attractiveness/power. All the boys lust after the hot girls in high school, and all the girls like the adventurous/athletic/popular guys (all is an overstatement, but you get the idea). Somewhere in their 20's MOST girls re-arrange their expectations to marry someone who is good to them. The trick is being the first nice guy to come along after those expectations have been re-arranged. So, nice guys DO finish last... and when they finish that's one more girl off the market.

This creates the illusion that girls are not interested in nice guys, as they may date 20 assholes and one or two nice guys, but it's the one or two nice guys that they marry (and don't divorce a couple years later.... there are girls who marry the assholes and then become the single-divorced-30's women with baggage.)

That said, guys can be their own problem: There is NO shortage of women out there who would be more than happy to be with you. You probably just don't think they're attractive enough, so your own expectations are 50% of the problem.

You can't expect the girl who exercises, eats right, and puts resources into looking attractive to be interested in you if you're not doing the same things. So if you're not peak attractiveness, and you're not revamping your diet and popping in the P90X to bring up your physical appearance, time to dial down your own expectations to "normal looking people".

(As a handy side effect, getting rid of your rampant desire to associate with attractive women will also make you less creepy to attractive women.)

--
paintball

Re:Picky and unrealistic? You don't say by Deep+Esophagus · 2012-02-08 04:52 · Score: 3, Funny

That WAS part of the original, all from the same guy. A more complete archive of his legendary cybertrolling can be found here: http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html

It includes the "wizard hat" one, the kama sutra one, and many others. I have re-read it hundreds of times over the last ten years and still laugh uncontrollably at scenes like this:

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

This one actually reveals the fiction behind the scenes -- I find it difficult to believe she would stay in character, acknowledge what he was doing, and use proper punctuation even as he was wrecking the scene; she would have just left the conversation. But even if the whole thing is a work of fiction, it's the funniest damn story I have ever read in my life.

Bitter much? by raehl · 2012-02-08 04:56 · Score: 5, Informative

Most people try online dating because they have exhausted the pool of potential partners in their work/social circles and prefer the online environment over forced social situations like bars.

I've done the online dating thing, and help some friends do the online dating thing, so here's some thoughts/advice:

Most profiles on the major websites are in fact real profiles of women who would like to date. The ones that are spam are also pretty easy to detect.

Most women don't care about salary. They DO care about drive. So if you make poop for cash because you're an under-compensated social worker, no problem. If you make poop for cash because your life plan is "bartender", that might be an issue.

Approach is key. Men on online dating sites tend to be indiscriminate, sending lots of messages to lots of women. This means women tend to get lots of messages from lots of men - but lots of poor, unspecific messages. For success, less is more. Pick a FEW profiles of people you find interesting, and take the time to write them something specific and interesting. Understand that 2/3rds of the time, you're not going to get a reply even from real people for various reasons.... they never read your message because there's too much crap in their inbox from all the indiscriminate men, they procrastinate, or something about you just isn't interesting to them.

There are other tricks. Start having your friends take pictures of you when you're out doing whatever, and post pics of you doing things to your profile. Talk about what you do and why you like doing it... or what you plan to do and what you're doing to get there.

Overall, you want to come across as looking for the right person, not just looking for any person.

And, certainly, if you approach dating with the same jaded attitude you display here (women are just after money!) you're not going to have much success. Approach dating as a fun activity in-and-of-itself and you might also find someone you really like on accident.

--
paintball

You're not good at game theory then, are you? by raehl · 2012-02-08 04:58 · Score: 2

Not really. Online dating means a few women that photograph well are bombarded by the vast majority of men.

So let's say the top 10% of women by photographic attractiveness get 90% of the attention.

For men, the solution to this problem is simple:

Contact women in the 11th to 15th percentile.

--
paintball

Solution: by raehl · 2012-02-08 05:03 · Score: 2

State in your profile that you prefer to meet people sooner rather than later.

People of similar persuasion will be attracted to this, and people who want to talk for weeks on end before meeting will not.

Online dating is all about filtering. So filter!

--
paintball

If you're over 30? by King_TJ · 2012-02-08 05:09 · Score: 4, Insightful

As someone well over 30, I think I'm somewhat qualified to comment here.

The "nice guys finish last" thing is alive and well, and there's nothing about it that's a "cop out". Where you're correct is that as we get older, our priorities change (largely due to having more life experiences).

Most men AND women I know are working on "climbing that ladder" throughout their 20's and into their early 30's. They score that first "career job" after finishing school (or dropping out with it partially finished, as the case may be?) and start obtaining things such as their first new car or truck, perhaps a home of their own (or even stepping up from a small apartment unit to a rental house or townhouse apartment counts).... and sooner or later, they're considering obtaining a life partner too. Still working from the angle of "I've got nowhere to go from here but up!", they're concerned with their appearance to their peers, and with selecting a partner who has the best possible combination of looks, intelligence and personality/character.

When you're still in THAT stage of life? Yeah, dating is very competitive and you really can finish last in that area if you bring integrity and "character" to the table, but not much else. Without money and/or looks, you're short a couple of key items that help "sell" yourself vs. your competition.

Where things change, IMO, is somewhere between the mid 30's and 40's. By that time, many people already TRIED a marriage that ended badly. Others just matured a bit (or even simply let life wear them down a bit, to where they quit trying to impress -- and resigned themselves to just getting up each day, going to their 9-5 job, and keeping busy with whatever chores and tasks life demanded of them). All of a sudden, they're no longer focusing time and energy on searching for someone. They're just being themselves, and are actually in a better position to stumble across someone else like-minded who likes them for them.

BTW, I really think wealth serves as a huge barrier to one's self-awareness. Why do so many Hollywood celebs and pro sports athletes have relationship problems? Why do big-shot CEOs constantly get involved in sex scandals? When you have enough money, you're able to spend your way out of looking in the mirror and getting a true sense of who you are. Someone's always happy to stroke your ego, hoping for some sort of payoff. Doctors and surgeons will do all sorts of procedures to you, to make sure you physically appear younger than you really are. You can afford all the best/trendiest clothing items, vehicles, and everything else that distracts people from seeing who YOU are when they look at you. Every time you screw up in public, you can pay off someone to bail you back out of the situation.

Re:If you're over 30? by nolife · 2012-02-08 05:45 · Score: 3, Insightful

Why do so many Hollywood celebs and pro sports athletes have relationship problems?
My guess is they fail and cheat not much more often then the average relationship, you just hear about them more often. Your neighbor getting a divorce is not worthy of the national news.

--
Bad boys rape our young girls but Violet gives willingly.
Re:If you're over 30? by Slashdot+Parent · 2012-02-08 08:38 · Score: 2
As someone well over 30, I think I'm somewhat qualified to comment here.
Also well over 35. Married. Kids. Yadda yadda yadda.

The "nice guys finish last" thing is alive and well, and there's nothing about it that's a "cop out".

I've never found the "nice guys finish last" business to be reality.

When you're still in THAT stage of life? Yeah, dating is very competitive and you really can finish last in that area if you bring integrity and "character" to the table, but not much else. Without money and/or looks, you're short a couple of key items that help "sell" yourself vs. your competition.
I don't put a lot of stock in that. Most every girl/woman I've ever been with was better looking than me because, well, that's just easy to be. I think women are better looking than men in general, and anyway, it's not like I hit the jackpot in the good looks lottery.
FWIW, I think "integrity" and "character" are not going to help much in getting a date. Confidence and good communication will serve you much better.

BTW, I really think wealth serves as a huge barrier to one's self-awareness. Why do so many Hollywood celebs and pro sports athletes have relationship problems? Why do big-shot CEOs constantly get involved in sex scandals? When you have enough money, you're able to spend your way out of looking in the mirror and getting a true sense of who you are.

Because celebs and athletes feel entitled. They are narcissistic from their success and people constantly telling them how great they are.
The best advice I can give to someone for getting a date looks like this:
1. Know yourself as best you can.
2. Make sure you can communicate well with others. Be interested in other people (not just the chick you're hitting on) and they will be interested in you. They just might introduce you to their friend/sister/whatever.
3. Don't waste a lot of time on potential dates that you aren't certain are even into you.
4. Don't get into the friend zone if that's not what you want! Make sure they know you are interested romantically, not as friends. Be confident about this. Own it. True, you may get shot down, but that's fine. Move on to someone who is actually interested! I cannot possibly overemphasize this.
Funny story about the friend zone. There once was a girl that I met in college. I was extremely interested, and I was hitting on her mercilessly. She decided to get a bad case of willful disbelief and managed to convince herself that I was really interested in being in the friend zone (memo to the 3 ladies who read slashdot: no guy ever wants to be in the friend zone! Not unless he is way out of your league). Anyway, after a few weeks of this nonsense, I finally had had enough. I told her that I was looking for a girlfriend, not a "friend" friend. That I had enough friends, and that while I liked them very much, that was not what I was interested in with her.
Naturally, she shot my ass down, and I shouldn't have been surprised. But about a month later, a funny thing happened. I was sitting around with my "friend" friends hanging out, and this same girl literally plops herself down in my lap. And I do know what the word "literally" means: she was physically seated in my lap. Apparently, she had come around. 5 years later we were married. Still happily married today.
--
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock

Mr. Pilgrim by Tekfactory · 2012-02-08 06:00 · Score: 2

I didn't know Scott Pilgrim read slashdot.

But seriously, there are therapists out there, they can find one, choose not to live like that anymore, cut people out of their life that are part of the old life so as not continue to create the same situations and make the same bad decisions over and over again.

What can you do? Its not about being Prince Charming, most of the time its about not being an ass. If you can do that, and it still doesn't work out, its not you.

Re:It's true... by misexistentialist · 2012-02-08 06:14 · Score: 4, Insightful

The trick is being the first nice guy to come along after those expectations have been re-arranged.

Some trick: you get a woman whose looks are fading at an exponential rate, and who frolicked in her prime with sexier men, so you'll be entering into a disadvantageous contract with someone with no real loyalty or passion for you.

Re:It's true... by jbssm · 2012-02-08 06:16 · Score: 2

This creates the illusion that girls are not interested in nice guys, as they may date 20 assholes and one or two nice guys, but it's the one or two nice guys that they marry (and don't divorce a couple years later.... there are girls who marry the assholes and then become the single-divorced-30's women with baggage.)

So, if you are a nice guy, when you are in your late 20's, you will finally get a girl that was banging around with a dozen of other not-so-nice guys, while you where getting 0 and waiting for some interesting-enough-girl that finally gets tired of dating assholes, wants to start a family with a guy that takes care of the kids for her, and wants some nice-guy that doesn't complain, does her every bidding and can live with having sexual relationships only one a week.

Hum. I prefer to stay a not-so-nice guy, thanks.

Re:Only on slashdot by geminidomino · 2012-02-08 07:05 · Score: 3, Interesting

I agree with you that this can be a very bad idea, but for the exact OPPOSITE reason. The last girl I dated (for just over year) had one of the sweetest little girls I'd ever met.

They love to remind you that "when you date the mom, you date the kids." What they don't remind you is that "When the mom's drama queen bullshit leads to you breaking up with her, you're breaking up with the kid, too."

I couldn't provide an airborne copulation at a ventrally-mobile toroid whether or not I ever saw the mom again, but two years later I still miss the kid.

Re:This by HBI · 2012-02-08 07:07 · Score: 2

Who wants kids? They're an investment in nothing nowadays. Agricultural societies could justify having families. You had children to assure a possibility of retirement and also to increase your prosperity in your middle years. Now kids are just a drain.

The depressed birth rates in industrialized nations should tell you all you need to know.

--
HBI's Law: Frequency of calling others Nazis is directly correlated with the likelihood of the accuser being Communist.

Re:It's true... by Slashdot+Parent · 2012-02-08 07:17 · Score: 2

I'm not sure where in Europe you might have been, but there are plenty of fat people there. I know the stats that we're fatter here on average, but that is due to certain segments of our population eating enormous portions of nutrient-poor food-like stuff.

US urban descendants of Europeans tend to be roughly as fat as our urban European counterparts.

--
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock

Re:It's true... by Slashdot+Parent · 2012-02-08 07:28 · Score: 2

So, if you are a nice guy, when you are in your late 20's, you will finally get a girl that was banging around with a dozen of other not-so-nice guys, while you where getting 0 and waiting for some interesting-enough-girl that finally gets tired of dating assholes, wants to start a family with a guy that takes care of the kids for her, and wants some nice-guy that doesn't complain, does her every bidding and can live with having sexual relationships only one a week.

I guess it all depends on what you mean by "nice".

If "nice" means approaching women who you are interested in romantically as "friends" so that you can get an in, and then after a year of being "friends" you make a tearful confession that you've fallen for her and you just can't take being "friends" anymore, then yes, you are right, that will not work very well. I would argue that that isn't very nice either, but it's amazing how many "nice" guys who do that call guys who are honest and up-front about their intentions the "assholes".

Personally, I consider myself to be nice, but I've never been one to beat around the bush when I'm interested in someone. It's been a lot of years now, but back when I was single, I'd just lay it out on the table and either it worked or it did not, but at least then I'd have my answer so I could move in or move on.

--
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock

Well, yeah. by raehl · 2012-02-08 08:10 · Score: 2

If you're a nice guy, then having a girl who you can raise a family with is exactly what you want.

Or, if you're a nice guy who doesn't want to wait for the attractive girls to get past liking assholes, you could date women lower on the attractiveness scale. Plenty of perfectly nice girls of all ages not blessed with superb attractiveness who will date nice guys.

But if what you REALLY want is to have relationships with young attractive women, but such women are not paying attention to you, then you're really an just asshole who isn't very good at it.

--
paintball

Re:It's true... by Spugglefink · 2012-02-08 08:16 · Score: 4, Interesting

There is NO shortage of women out there who would be more than happy to be with you. You probably just don't think they're attractive enough, so your own expectations are 50% of the problem.

Truer words were never spoken. What it comes down to for me is women fall into two categories: attractive, and accessible to me.

I ended up marrying an unattractive one, who turned out to be an excellent wife and mother, but it has been difficult over the years to choke down the fact that I've never really found her appealing. I'm not sure if guys are better off to lower their expectations or not. It will get you laid, but is it worth it?

Maybe.

Re:It's true... by gorzek · 2012-02-08 08:56 · Score: 4, Insightful

A lot of guys who claim to be "nice guys" are in fact timid doormats who secretly crush on their female friends then get upset when they finally try to act upon their feelings, only to get "friend-zoned." Guys like that think they're owed something for all the time and energy they put into the friendship, which makes them pretty fucking sleazy when you get right down to it.

If you're interested in someone, be up front about it, be confident, and don't take rejection personally. Yes, I know it's easy to say that, but that's really all there is to it. Women aren't going to fall all over you just because you're there, you have to go out and do the work yourself.

--
Check out my world simulator thingy.

Re:It's true... by gorzek · 2012-02-08 10:20 · Score: 2

Sorry, but this is bullshit. I wasn't "born with [a] personalit[y] where this all comes so easily." I used to be quite shy and lacking in confidence, but I got tired of not getting what I wanted out of life and made a conscious change to behave differently. And you know what? It works.

No, it's not easy, and results don't come overnight, but the sort of change you need to make it happen can only come from yourself.

--
Check out my world simulator thingy.

Re:It's true... by HungWeiLo · 2012-02-08 12:03 · Score: 3, Funny

"It's been a lot of years now, but back when I was single, I'd just lay it out on the table and either it worked or it did not"

Nowadays, you'd get arrested for that in most states.

--
There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from the bread factory.

Re:It's true... by shutdown+-p+now · 2012-02-08 13:12 · Score: 2

Married sex is for having kids.

If there is really an implied "only" there that I think there is, that would be one sad marriage.

Slashdot Mirror

Study: Online Dating Makes People "Picky" and "Unrealistic"

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