IT Calls of Shame

poor analogy by vlm · 2012-04-09 04:53 · Score: 4, Insightful

Working in tech support is a bit like teaching preschool: (blah blah removed)

Rather than the blah blah, from memory it seemed more like changing diapers, over and over and over and occasionally breaking up inter-sibling rivalry. It was excellent training for parenthood.

--
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger

Re:poor analogy by blue_teeth · 2012-04-09 05:45 · Score: 4, Funny

Training for parenthood? That's low hanging food Sir. IT has taught me Psychology, Politics, Business, Meanness, Stealth, Intrigue, Black Humor and Survival. I think I am ready for Sainthood :)

For more please see... by Galestar · 2012-04-09 04:54 · Score: 4, Informative

http://thedailywtf.com/

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AccountKiller

Re:For more please see... by interval1066 · 2012-04-09 05:29 · Score: 3, Funny

(from the above link)
I call this the 'big brother check';

function index()
{
if ($this->ion_auto->logged_in() || 2+2==4)
{
$this->load->view('upload');
}

... snip ...
}

Because in Oceania sometimes 2 + 2 == 5.

--
Python: 'And then suddenly you have a language which says "we're all stuck with whatever the whiniest coder wants".'
Re:For more please see... by Elite+Override · 2012-04-09 05:55 · Score: 2

Not directly related to tech support, but www.notalwaysright.com is also pretty amusing.

"User Error" by PolygamousRanchKid+ · 2012-04-09 05:00 · Score: 4, Funny

"Please replace user, and try again."

--
Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!

Re:"User Error" by mcgrew · 2012-04-09 08:35 · Score: 4, Interesting

IMO the PEBKAC problem indicates a design flaw. Most interface designs are badly flawed.
For example, the classic stories about people losing the data because wifey put it on the fridge with a magnet could easily be sidestepped by a simple "warning: keep away from magnets". Thinking a user knows how a floppy holds data is incredibly stupid. It isn't the ignorant who are stupid, it's the fool who thinks everyone knows what he knows. Everyone is ignorant of something, and to not realize and respect this simple fact is idiotic.
One of my pet peeves is web forms. You have to fill out street address, city, pull down the state with a dropdown list (stupid design in itself, considering any state is only two keystrokes), and zip code. Why?? If you have the zip code you already have the city and state. Twenty years ago I was designing database screens where after typing in address, the cursor went to the zip code field, and when the cursor left the field the city and state were filled in by a lookup table and could be changed by the user if incorrect. IMO to do otherwise is incredibly bad design, and lazy to boot.
Wht is it with you kids, anyway?

--
Free Martian Whores!

Obligatory by Moheeheeko · 2012-04-09 05:01 · Score: 4, Funny

"Hello IT......Have you tried turning it off and on again? Yeah....no problem."

Re:Obligatory by ArhcAngel · 2012-04-09 06:07 · Score: 2

I must perform Seppuku before the grammar Nazis arrive!

--
"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it." - K

If your customers aren't always right... by rodrigoandrade · 2012-04-09 05:01 · Score: 5, Insightful

Please send them my way. My compay will thrive with the new business. I treat customers right, which usually results in new transactions from the same customers. Whuch, in turn, recommend my business to their friends/family/co-workers.

But hey, it's much easier to blame tough times on stupid customers and Obama (obviously).

Re:If your customers aren't always right... by SJHillman · 2012-04-09 05:08 · Score: 4, Insightful

What about the customers who insist a faulty cable is the reason their computer keeps getting infected and refuses to let you do anything but change the cable? Or the manager who asks why she can't print to the printer that was recycled years ago (and her specific words were "Why can't I print to the printer we got rid of?" - so she knew it was gone)? There's some customers that no amount of treating them right can help with. And both of the above happened to me within the past year.
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Trilkin · 2012-04-09 05:09 · Score: 4, Funny

You know how I know you've never worked as a help desk monkey?

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Nobody cares what the CAPTCHA for your post was.
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Sarten-X · 2012-04-09 05:36 · Score: 2

Sounds about right to me. I dealt with a similar user (a nice old guy, about 85, but inept as far as technology's concerned) who had once been told "viruses can come through the cable", which I assume was part of a sales pitch somewhere. He insisted that I "disinfect" the cable before hooking up his new computer to his home router. Fine. I took the cable out the door, went to my car, opened the back, and stood there laughing for a few minutes. Then I came back in, finished the job, and left. Probably not the nicest thing to do, but for as little as he knows or needs to know about computers, it's enough.

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You do not have a moral or legal right to do absolutely anything you want.
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Terrasque · 2012-04-09 06:21 · Score: 2

You have no idea...
I once had a user that the internet didn't work for (DSL, with router), and he had DISABLED the network card in the settings.
He also insisted that it couldn't possibly had anything to do with the problem, and expected me to fix things on my end of the phone call..
No, he didn't get any internet that day.

--
It's The Golden Rule: "He who has the gold makes the rules."
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Cazekiel · 2012-04-09 06:42 · Score: 2

No, he didn't get any internet that day.
He should get a life sentence from the 'net, never mind a day, lol. Daaaamn.

--
You want to know how to help your kids? LEAVE THEM THE F*&K ALONE. --George Carlin
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Cazekiel · 2012-04-09 06:47 · Score: 2

To me, the problem with IT-abuse becomes more about the tech-know-nothings insisting that they know what the problem is and refuse the explanation of someone who's professionally trained. As I said, I'm not the most well-versed when it comes to super-techy stuff. I'm also not a mechanic, so I don't tell my main-man (who I've been going to since I got my license, the most trustworthy I've ever met) "It's NOT the brake-pads making that noise, it's my stereo making feedback! FIX MY STEREO!!"

--
You want to know how to help your kids? LEAVE THEM THE F*&K ALONE. --George Carlin
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by arth1 · 2012-04-09 07:23 · Score: 3, Interesting

I've been at the other end of that call, as a customer. One without an enabled network card on the PC. Because first, I wanted a connection from my router to their router working, and my connection to my router was through a serial port.
The Fine Person on the other side of the line kept on insisting it was a problem with my PC, and refused to listen to any reasoning that since I wasn't connecting a PC to the network, this could be ruled out.
I had to escalate twice before I got in touch with someone who could cut through the script reading idiocy. And yes, it was a problem on their end.
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Terrasque · 2012-04-09 07:43 · Score: 2

Well, I had already checked that we had connection to his router, and tried rebooting the router.
But, there were no active connections on the LAN part of the router. After checking cables, and even trying to force the connected port up and half duplex 10mbit (in case of problematic autonegotiation or bad cable) there was no life sign from his PC. So I guided him into the settings to see if the network card reported cable out or in, and maybe see if I could force it on that end too... And maybe if he had multiple cards.
And found out the only network card there.. was grayed out. And right clicking on it did pop up an "Enable" option.. That he absolutely refused to click on, because it couldn't possibly be that.
For that matter, I've also had a customer that insisted hackers stole some of his emails from his internet connection (never mind that he had 5 different antivirus, all set up to scan email), one that accused us of following him around on poker tables and made him lose the games, one that still had his modem in the car when calling to complain about it not working, one that have had the modem turned off and wondered why it made a difference turning it on...
You have about one batshit crazy call per 2 weeks on average, in my estimate. And about 50% of the other calls are "Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? There you go, have a nice day!"
And about every 3-5 days you get an actual real technical problem (yes, that does mean the crazies are only about twice as rare as a user with an actual issue - please keep that in mind the next time you need to contact support). I'm so glad I'm done with that job, worst year of my life. I tell you, you can really lose faith in humanity in that kind of job. Sometimes, after some of worse days, I genuinely wondered if a large meteor impact might be a good thing overall.

--
It's The Golden Rule: "He who has the gold makes the rules."
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Zero__Kelvin · 2012-04-09 08:45 · Score: 2

... and then the person tells all of his friends: "Yep. That IT guy tried to pull one over on me, but all I needed was a cable, and that fixed it, so you guys go out and get yourself one too.Your solution may well cause a dozen or more old people on fixed incomes to purchases items unnecessarily. As a rule of thumb, feeding ignorance is a Bad_Idea(tm)

--
Guns don't kill people; Physics kills people! - John Lithgow as Dick Solomon on Third Rock From The Sun
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by Man+Eating+Duck · 2012-04-09 10:19 · Score: 2

This is tangential to your situation, obviously, but I cringe when I read about "IT support" workers telling stories about how clueless their users are, especially in complex corporate settings. I work with IT projects in a setting where most of my co-workers are academics, graphic artists, marketing people and the like. As part of a larger organisation we have a central helpdesk, but as I am also someone who "knows about computers" my colleagues use me as zeroth-level support line. Most of them have no clue about computers, and that's fine, because *that's not their job*. They are employed because they're brilliant editors, language experts or whatever, and their computer is nothing but a tool, albeit an essential one which must just work. I can often help them out in less than a minute, and I can always refer them to helpdesk if I don't have the time, but no-one expects them to be able to handle whichever trifling issue which might occur themselves.
So, to the sniggering nerds who laugh about their co-workers not being able to tell the difference between a "hard disk", a cpu and a computer case: try to rewrite an abstract of an academic article for publication, try to do accounting which requires intimate knowledge of *all* the relevant laws, interview applicants for social services, or perform whatever tasks your "clueless" co-workers are actually *paid* to do. Come back to me when you can do all of their tasks better than they can do yours. Of course help desk anecdotes can be amusing to people who know better, but the manner of superiority with which they are often told leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

--
Are you a grammar Nazi? I'm trying to improve my English; please correct my errors! :)
Re:If your customers aren't always right... by JosKarith · 2012-04-09 20:42 · Score: 2

Our 1st line service desk are a bunch of monkeys working from scripts. I've heard many, many stories of their lack of ability or even common sense from customers - I'm 3rd line support so I'm usually visiting the customer's PC after the helldesk have messed it up. Such gems as insisting that rebooting the PC will somehow magically resolve a jammed tray on a printer and not understanding that if you uninstall the Remote Access Manager on a homeworker's laptop it will disconnect and you won't be able to reinstall it are all too common.
Still their existence means I don't end up having to field 20 password reset requests a day...

--
'Don't worry' said the trees when they saw the axe coming, 'The handle is one of us.'

Deaf by SJHillman · 2012-04-09 05:02 · Score: 4, Interesting

As far as #2 goes, I've been partially deaf since my toddler years and it really does help a lot if women are able to lower their voices. Most people just try to talk louder, but if you have a higher pitch (like most women), then deepening your voice will be a much more significant improvement over talking louder.

Single-page version by bassman998 · 2012-04-09 05:07 · Score: 4, Informative

http://www.infoworld.com/print/190061

Watch out for the old ladies! by na1led · 2012-04-09 05:08 · Score: 2

Ma'am, can you put your 10 year old grandson on the phone, thank you!

--
-- By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Customer once demanded I go on location by WillAdams · 2012-04-09 05:10 · Score: 2

to diagnose why an IBM PS/2 wouldn't boot after they'd moved it --- I tried to get them to diagnose the problem over the phone / read off what was on the screen, but they refused, so I drove over, walked up to the door of the office in question, saw the error message (I think it was 101) on the screen, announced, ``You've switched the plugs for the mouse and keyboard. Do you want to pay the 1 hr. minimum for me to swap the connections for you?''

--
Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.

Re:Customer once demanded I go on location by Anonymous Coward · 2012-04-09 05:25 · Score: 5, Insightful

Why insult them by asking? Just do the job, fix the issue, leave, and bill them. Not every tech support issue difficult, in fact most are quite simple troubleshooting. The smartest people miss simple things sometimes.

Re:"Any Key" phone call really happened ... by na1led · 2012-04-09 05:12 · Score: 2

Those same people don't know the difference between Left and Right mouse button.

--
-- By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Communication, Interrupted by Cazekiel · 2012-04-09 05:13 · Score: 3, Interesting

In most ways, this is true. Too many stories have come out about people screeeeaming at tech support, only to realize the computer isn't plugged in.

However, I had a recent experience with Verizon support when I wanted to ban an IP address from emailing me; I'm not the most tech-savvy in the universe, and everyone here could've probably done it themselves in seconds, but I knew the basics, anyway. I went to every forum, yahoo! help section, whatever else to find a way to stop getting these awful emails from someone using an IP-masking/dummy-email service; most used MY email as the 'sender'. The content of the messages, ones I'd get literally hundreds of in one day at some points, would make me physically ill. When I'd had enough, I hit 'full header', got the IP and zeroed in on where it was coming from. I called Verizon and started a help session, where the guy helping me took control of my computer.

TS: Okay, what we will do is block the email address sending these to you--
Me: No, no, I want the IP blocked. This one. *mouses around to show IP*
TS: Okay. *pause* So, you want these emails to stop.
Me: Yes, I want the IP blocked. I read a forum saying to contact your internet service provider to find ways to block the IP.
TS: Okay. *pause* But we can block the email address, which will--
Me: No. No, okay... look... *takes control again* THIS is the website this person sending me these abusive emails is using. THIS is the website's IP address. When I get the emails, each one has the same IP, because they're USING this service's IP to harass me. Look, they're using MY email address as a 'dummy'; blocking the email address means I'm blocking MY email address. *clicks full header from two different emails* See? These are alllll being sent from the same IP. This is a site people use when they want to abuse someone without being found out. Watch. *demonstrates by sending an email to herself from the service being used (probably not the best idea in the universe, but he was NOT. GETTING. IT.)* See?
TS: Ohhhhhhhhhh. Yes. It's not the email you want blocked, but the IP.
Me: *looks to husband and shakes her head very slowly*

There I am, a total amateur, telling a guy being paid to NOT be an idiot what I wanted done. No matter how many times I told him that forums and tech-guides all suggested getting your internet provider to help block IPs, he couldn't grasp the idea. I don't know if that IS possible, so I'm giving up on some aspects of tech support and just going to my brother, who, at eight-years old, outdid the instructor at the 'Computer Camp' he was enrolled in. Kinda sick of being so newbish when it comes to this stuff. I told him yesterday at my parent's Easter dinner he was going to teach me everything he knew. We're both kinda psyched.

--
You want to know how to help your kids? LEAVE THEM THE F*&K ALONE. --George Carlin

Re:Communication, Interrupted by ciggieposeur · 2012-04-09 05:50 · Score: 2

The path of the original email is (a-hole's web server) ==> (your ISP's email system) ==> (your client, or web browser, whatever).
What you're asking for is for them to block the first bit of communication, from the world to your ISP's email system.
But what if there is another ISP user who expects to receive mail that originated from a-hole's web server? It isn't fair for your wishes to trump theirs, i.e. the ISP's email system is a shared resource, not yours alone.
The right solution for you here is a mailbox rule of some kind, either running on the ISP's server or in your own POP or IMAP client.
Re:Communication, Interrupted by Cazekiel · 2012-04-09 06:36 · Score: 2

It isn't fair for your wishes to trump theirs, i.e. the ISP's email system is a shared resource, not yours alone.
No, it's not mine alone, I understand that. However, the problem I have with that philosophy is the service they provide is to use a generic IP in order to hide their own from whoever they're sending mail to, and while there are perhaps real, honest uses for that, it seems obvious to me (and others) that in a good majority of cases, that service is created to abuse the person you're targeting. No, not in EVERY case, and in going to the site myself there IS a 'disclaimer' one has to agree to, stating that you are not there to abuse someone and agree to it. But what a-hole wanting to use it to abuse someone is going to say, "Aw, darn it," click "I do not accept" and go on with their daily lives? Not a one. They will hit 'I Accept' then use it to abuse someone, period.
I cannot show you the actual messages to bring my argument home, as they're disgusting enough to probably get me kicked outta here for copy/pasting in a post or comment. But some of the words/phrases used are 'your retarded child', 'dead babies', 'rape', 'up the ass', 'lick', etc. Perhaps that wouldn't bother some people, but when I have a special needs child, I consider it not just disgusting, but a threat. I know what you're saying, but to make an analogy: convenience stores are being penalized for selling 'glass-tubed roses' (and in some cases, even 'Chore-Boy Copper Scrubbers'), because the sole reason the trinkets are produced and sold is to provide the tools to make a crack-pipe. There are people that don't know this, like my neighbor, who would walk down to the corner-store for a newspaper and buy her wife the roses. She was shocked when I told her what they were sold for. Every time someone would come in and buy ten of the roses plus a few scrubbers, I knew what they were for. Does your argument apply to this, saying, "Banning the tubed-roses is unfair to those who want to buy them for their boyfriend or girlfriend" while people are overdosing and/or dying as a result of their having convenient, disguised access to the tools for their drug abuse? Yes, they could find other ways to support and maintain their drug habit, but for a company to hone in on the drug-abuser-market, to me, is unethical.
I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just stating my case.

--
You want to know how to help your kids? LEAVE THEM THE F*&K ALONE. --George Carlin
Re:Communication, Interrupted by HeckRuler · 2012-04-09 07:23 · Score: 2

a guy being paid to NOT be an idiot
Sorry kiddo, most of the people you can reach on a phone are not specifically being paid to be smart. They deal with the unwashed masses and by and far only have to do what the 3-ring binder in front of them tells them to do. Anyone that has more braincells to rub together can usually get better work. Especially when dealing with large ISP business like Mediacom or Comcast. They will hire the lowest common denominator that can deal with 80% of the traffic.

If it's above their head, go over their head and try to talk to a manager or engineer or someone with a stuffed penguin.

Teaching Pre-school? by squidflakes · 2012-04-09 05:18 · Score: 5, Interesting

I've always thought working in IT was more like being with a beautiful abusive spouse than anything else.

When times are good, they are really good. You're happy, you're content, and you want the world to know that you love this job.

But when things are bad, they are really bad. You get the shit knocked out of you for the smallest things. You learn little rituals and laundry lists of rules and behaviors that you have to engage it, because you're afraid to get hit again. Of course, some days the mood is just wrong and you're going to get it no matter what.

When you do finally decide that you've had enough, and you turn your back on IT, all you can remember is the beautiful amazing job that you suddenly don't have and it takes every ounce of willpower not to go crawling back. Oh, sure, you know that IT has a history of this sort of thing. Life will be great for a couple of weeks then suddenly it will go back to a living hell, but you think... hey, I'm older and wiser now. Maybe IT has changed. Maybe I can change IT.

But IT never changes.

Re:Teaching Pre-school? by Cazekiel · 2012-04-09 05:27 · Score: 4, Funny

They yell at you over the phone because they love you.

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You want to know how to help your kids? LEAVE THEM THE F*&K ALONE. --George Carlin
Re:Teaching Pre-school? by QuantumRiff · 2012-04-09 08:18 · Score: 2

I've always thought of it as being more like a firefighter.. without the glamour.. or the girls...
Spend all day working on preparedness, public education, prevention, etc.. then Run Like Mad when the fan gets hit by brown stuff.. then, have to figure out why it happened, and how to add it to the list of prevention matters.
And if your really doing you're job right, people will wonder why they even keep you around at all, nothing ever goes wrong.. :)

--

What are we going to do tonight Brain?

Funniest Home Videos by LazloHollyfeld · 2012-04-09 05:24 · Score: 2

None of those stories were remotely amusing.

Neighborhood IT Support by Chente · 2012-04-09 05:35 · Score: 5, Funny

I once worked on my next-door-neighbor's computer to solve a printer problem. The printer was not connected, and he didn't know what kind of cable he needed. I found a spare USB cable that would fit. I felt it was odd that his USB connections were so far down at the bottom of the back of his case, but I've seen a lot of odd cases. I downloaded the drivers and installed them, nothing unusual; the printer was soon working normally. My delighted neighbor and asked me if I could check the computer's CD drive. He told me that the last time he had tried to use it, the CDs just kept sliding right off the drawer each time he tried to load it. I was surprised to find that the CD drive was at the very bottom of the front of the case. Curious, I tried to find the maker's name. It was LLED, except the letters were written backwards.

It was a very easy fix, I can tell you. I managed to get everything set, and get out of his apartment and back into mine before I burst out laughing. I told my girlfriend about the mysterious DELL computer case I had just seen and how I had fixed my neighbor's computer simply by flipping it right side up.

She refused to believe that anyone could be that stupid, but there you have it.

'MY' computer accessible to the public? by dcsmith · 2012-04-09 05:39 · Score: 2

In story #1, why was the tech's computer powered up, logged in to the network, and not locked? That's the only way someone could walk up to it and access 'My Computer'. Sorry, I call BS.

--
This has been a test. If this had been an actual Sig, you would have been amused.

Re:'MY' computer accessible to the public? by Culture20 · 2012-04-09 07:59 · Score: 2

Windows 95/98.
Or, like many large systems, any user could probably log in to their own profile on his physical computer via active directory accounts.
Re:'MY' computer accessible to the public? by Culture20 · 2012-04-09 09:31 · Score: 2

Only if they set up printers via AD. Not everyone does that. In fact, I've only worked at one place that does that.

One long phone cord.... by Petron · 2012-04-09 05:41 · Score: 5, Funny

I'll share my own store of tech support blues...

Back in the day, I worked at a dial-up ISP. I was working in tech support, and working in the PC-Repair office, and while most calls were the "Your caps lock is on" and "The power is out, wait for it to turn on" issues. There were some fun with the PC-Repair office (Coffee stains in the CD Load-tray (the stories are true!), or the "I never used antivirus! I know what I'm doing" people that tended to wind up on our "Maleware Count High Score" board.

One day I took a call from a lady that said she couldn't send and receive email. She said she was on her cell phone so I had her walk through trying to get the email and get the error message - 680: No dial tone. So I asked her to make sure the phone cord is plugged in to the computer and the wall. She said her laptop didn't need to be plugged in using a phone cord. Well now I'm thinking she had a wireless network setup and about to go through those settings, when I noticed the sound in the background.... Traffic. She and her husband was in the middle of the road. She insisted that she could unplug everything and still get her email while on the freeway before. Ends up that laptop was their only computer (no home wireless). I told her she could send/receive email when she connects to a phone line again, but she demanded to talk to my manager, who confirmed everything I said. She ended up stating she would look for other services that would know how their systems run better... I checked a couple of months later and her account was still active. Guess no other dial-up internet company offered a hundred mile long phone cord.

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if (it != oneThing) it = another;

Re:One long phone cord.... by MobileTatsu-NJG · 2012-04-09 07:17 · Score: 4, Insightful

Every time I chuckle at a story like this I can't help but wonder how much of a Grade-A Moron I look like to my mechanic or to any other service provider I use when I'm outside of my comfort zone.
We really do need to be careful about associating understanding of the blinky lights with intelligence.

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"I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)

A jelly bean in the printer by microcars · 2012-04-09 05:48 · Score: 2

"Who would have thought?"

wow

:/

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I like microcars

Designed to fail by fermion · 2012-04-09 05:56 · Score: 2

What is interesting is that two of these things are problems that, for better or worse, and maybe for good reason, were designed into the system. 'My Computer' is a stupid name for the stuff on a computer. Even more stupid then 'Trash' to eject a disk, as that can be trained to.

The telephone system sucks for older people or people with some hearing loss. I am sure there was a good reason to make the frequency range so small, but as older people are expected to do everything they same as they always did, it becomes more of a problem. Fortunately there is Skype with is a lifesaver.

As far as everything else, support, like teaching, is about asking questions and assuming nothing. It is hard because the other person thinks they are being talked down to, but then some people cannot be helped.

--
"She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black

Re:Designed to fail by mr_spatula · 2012-04-09 08:03 · Score: 2

Ah yes, "My Computer." One of the best things MS ever did for support folk was to eliminate the "My" from that.
I remember I had a habit of saying things like "now go into my computer" -- which would be followed by "How in the hell am I suppose to get into YOUR computer?"
I learned very quickly to say "Double click on the icon labeled 'My Computer'" instead.

Computer Voodoo by fwarren · 2012-04-09 06:27 · Score: 3, Insightful

Don't forget computer vo0doo.

You were the last person to work on my computer and that was 4 years ago. It has been working perfectly, I have installed no new software, I have made no changes. Ha! now it is not working and it is something that YOU did 4 years ago that is causing the problem. Fix it NOW and fix it for FREE.

Yes, you are the hoodoo with the voodoo. Magically something you did 4 years back has kept the computer running beautifully for 4 years, then all of a sudden "poof" it has broken everything. Links don't open, and the computer runs slow.

Do I even need to mention that on a computer with NO software installs in 4 years, now has 10 browser bars and Add/Remove programs shows Smiley Central was installed 2 days ago.

--
vi + /etc over regedit any day of the week.

The Word Perect call of shame... by FlyingGuy · 2012-04-09 06:50 · Score: 2, Funny

This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

".......Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

--
Hey KID! Yeah you, get the fuck off my lawn!

Re:The Word Perect call of shame... by keith_nt4 · 2012-04-09 08:20 · Score: 2

At the risk of being "that guy" this is a forwarded email that's been circulating via forward buttons for 10+ years now...who knows if it's true... sounds true... :-)

--
"UNIX is very simple, it just needs a genius to understand its simplicity." -Dennis Ritchie

My stories by smooth+wombat · 2012-04-09 06:58 · Score: 2

While no longer technically helpdesk, a vast part of my job is spent doing the job of our helpdesk and solving the world's problems. These are a few of my oddballs.

1
A person at a field office could no log on to the Staples site. She contacted Staples who said her cookies must have been deleted which is why her information no longer auto-populated but they reset her password and sent her the information. She still couldn't log in.

I looked at the email that had been sent to her and something clicked in. I asked her if she hadn't transposed the company ID and her ID when logging in. As soon as I said this she started (nicely) cursing under her breath. Sure enough, with those two items switched, she got in with no problem. She all but begged me not to ever tell anyone about this, even when I was completing the ticket to close it. I put in some vague information about possible web site issues but did mark the ticket as 'Education Required'.

2
Whenever I tell someone to open their C: drive, I tell them to go to My Computer (similar to the one story). The only difference is I tell them it's the My Computer icon which is usually located in the upper left corner of the screen. So far, that bit of communication is all that is needed to get them on the right path.

3
I was working to streamline the process by which a visually impaired employee would receive documents from various offices. His screen reading software had issues with certain pdf documents. I finally got all involved to send him Word documents instead.

However, during this conversation, I had remoted into a different person's pc to look at where the documents were being sent from. This person asked me how I knew the documents I was looking at were pdfs. I moved the mouse to the Adobe icon in front of the document and explained this means it's a pdf. I then moved to the end of the document name and said, "See this .pdf extension at the end of the name? That also means it's a pdf document."

I then showed her what Word document icons look like for comparison.

4
A printer was no longer showing it had a high capacity, tray 4. Everything printed fine, it just wouldn't pull from tray 4.

After turning the machine off and on, hoping to reset it, someone mentioned the light for the tray no longer lit. That got me thinking.

I looked at the back of the machine and saw there were 2 power cords. One for the machine itself and one from the machine to the tray. I checked and the plug, which was only inches off the ground, was loose

Only conclusion I could reach was the cleaning crew had whacked it with the vacuum and slightly jarred it loose even though by looking at it you wouldn't have noticed it.

--
We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

More remote access dangers by mcavic · 2012-04-09 07:16 · Score: 2

I was at the office once, logged onto a production server via Remote Desktop. The boss needed to borrow the workstation I was using, so I just minimized the connection and let him have the computer. 10 minutes later he was still banging away, and it was time for me to leave, so I just left.

The next morning I got a call that the production server had gone down. Well, the owner of the workstation came in and didn't recognize the icons on her screen, so as the normal first step in troubleshooting, she rebooted.

my turn for a funny story. by BitwiseX · 2012-04-09 07:42 · Score: 3, Funny

Years ago I worked at small ISP, doing some web design, as well as phone support. Needless to say the phone support took up a majority of my time, and there were some fun conversations. Here's my favorite of all time:

An older lady called me one day extremely apologetic. She kept lamenting to me how sorry she was and how bad she felt, and keep asking me if all of my other customers were calling and complaining. It was her fault! She was adamant about that. Finally as she calmed down a bit, and I asked her why she was so upset. "I think I broke the Internet". I looked at my boss, who had wandered to my desk, (he could hear her frantic apologies through my headset), and I gave him a Spock-like eyebrow raise, covered my mic, and told him "She broke the internet." He chuckled, said "Have fun!" and went back to his desk.

So I explained to her that the Internet wasn't broke, and how it was highly unlikely that she could have broken the internet, so don't worry. She was fairly calm at this point, so I asked her "Ma'am, so what made you so concerned that you called me? What happened?" Her response was: "Well, I had an icon on my screen that said 'The Internet', and I think I accidentally deleted it. I thought I deleted the whole Internet!"

Poor lady. Remember when the IE icon actually said "The Internet"? You couldn't delete it either (not without some IT knowledge she didn't possess). So I walked her through auto-arranging her desktop icons and POOF there it was. She must have moved it off screen.

It's a tough job, but I do miss feeling like a hero.

Re:First Post! by PPH · 2012-04-09 12:22 · Score: 2

Someone probably lost their tech support job for spending time modding me down instead of answering the phones.

--
Have gnu, will travel.

Memory problem by aapold · 2012-04-09 16:16 · Score: 2

My favorite call began thus:

"I have a memory problem but can't remember what it is."

(user had seen a message regarding memory but couldn't recall the exact text, and was hoping to convey this.).

--
"Waste not one watt!" - CZ

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