Slashdot Mirror


Ask Slashdot: Remote Support For Disconnected, Computer-Illiterate Relatives

An anonymous reader writes I use email to communicate with my folks overseas. Their ISP only allows dial-up access to their email account (there is no option of changing ISP), that can receive messages no larger than 1MB nor hold more than 15MB (no hope of changing that either). They are computer-illiterate, click on everything they receive, and take delight on sending their information to any Nigerian prince that contacts them, "just in case this one is true". Needless to say, their PC is always full of viruses and spyware. In my next yearly visit, instead of just cleaning it up, I'd like to gift them with some "hardened" PC to use for email only that would hopefully last the year before someone has to fix it. So far, these are the things I have in mind:
  • Some kind of linux distro, or maybe even mac. Most viruses over there are windows only and propagate via Autorun.inf or by email attachments, not having Windows could prevent both.
  • Some desktop environment that hides anything unrelated to connecting to the net and accessing their account (dial-up software, email client, web browser, exchanging files between their hard disk/email attachments and USB drives). By "hide", I just want the rest to be out of the way, but not entirely removed, so that if necessary, I can guide them over the phone. For this, Ubuntu's Unity seems like a particularly bad solution, but a Gnome desktop with non-removable desktop shortcuts (is this possible?) for the file manager, browser, email client and dial-up program could work. An android system is unlikely to work (they have no wifi, and they were utterly confused with Android's UI).
  • This could be a life saver: some kind of extension to the email client that executes commands on specially formatted emails (e.g., signed with my private key), so that I can do some basic diagnostics or install extra software if I have to. This las point is important: they currently rely on acquaintances who may not be competent (they can't evaluate that) if something happens between my visits. They, most likely, wont know how to deal with anything non-windows, so all tech support would fall on me. (This is the reason I haven't moved them from windows yet.)
  • Another very useful extension would be something to automatically re-assemble attachments split into several emails, to overcome the 1MB message limit.

Does any of that exist? If I have to build that system myself (or parts of it), do you have other suggestions? For the inevitable and completely reasonable suggestion of getting someone competent for tech support: I've tried that too. The competent ones don't last beyond the third visit.

334 comments

  1. Dial up can still access gmail by VTBlue · · Score: 2, Interesting

    What is the issue with using a web mail provider? Gmail optimizes for low bandwidth links.

    1. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Daniel_Staal · · Score: 5, Insightful

      You are making the assumption that Gmail isn't blocked, and that the users in question would be open to changing their email addresses.

      Also, webmail over dialup has the distinct disadvantage of requiring you to be online to read your email. This ties up your phone line, and may cost money. Batch-download is normally a better solution over intermittent links: Connect to get your email, disconnect, read it, write replies, connect to send. Total time online: usually less than a minute.

      --
      'Sensible' is a curse word.
    2. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by peragrin · · Score: 0

      True but a chrome book, is all they need. can one install a third party email client on a chrome book? I haven't looked.

      Bonus it is already locked down and they can't screw things up.

      My really question is this. How do they get viruses? most viruses require a constant high speed connection. without it the virus itself can't do much.

      --
      i thought once I was found, but it was only a dream.
    3. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by isilrion · · Score: 2

      Original poster here... apparently I clicked "Post anonymously". Oops.

      Their "ISP" (note the quotes) wont allow web access other than to the web interface (running Horde/IMP) of their email server. They are stuck with SMTP/POP3.

      Gmail optimizes for low bandwidth links.

      I didn't know that! Is it something I need to configure? When I visit and manage to access the internet for a few minutes, gmail has been unusable (even google's search page takes over a minute to load. Uggh). So hints on how to optimize gmail for very slow links are helpful, not for my folks, but for me.

      Thanks!

    4. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by stoborrobots · · Score: 5, Informative

      ... most viruses require a constant high speed connection...

      You must be new here - I'm young in internet years, but even I remember the number of viruses flying around in the days of floppy disks and dial-up modems, long before constant high speed connections...

    5. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by corsec67 · · Score: 1

      Or use Gmail with an email client and IMAP.

      And, an ISP that blocks email?

      --
      If I have nothing to hide, don't search me
    6. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You are making the assumption that Gmail isn't blocked, and that the users in question would be open to changing their email addresses.

      Also, webmail over dialup has the distinct disadvantage of requiring you to be online to read your email. This ties up your phone line, and may cost money. Batch-download is normally a better solution over intermittent links: Connect to get your email, disconnect, read it, write replies, connect to send. Total time online: usually less than a minute.

      Gmail allows you to collect email from your other accounts and when sending you can choose the default address to be their current email. Works perfectly for my mother. Of course your relative would have to upgrade from dial-up ISP to mobile wireless ISP using a MiFi.

    7. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by isilrion · · Score: 2

      My really question is this. How do they get viruses? most viruses require a constant high speed connection. without it the virus itself can't do much.

      There are two main ways: email attachments and USB drives. Almost every USB drive in that I've seen in that country has an Autorun.inf that installs one virus or another (sneakernet: usb drives are the main form of data transmission over there). I disable autorun every visit... but either I'm doing it wrong, or the "techs" they hire enable it again.

    8. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Daniel_Staal · · Score: 1

      Or use Gmail with an email client and IMAP.

      Might work, but doesn't solve any of this guy's problems.

      And, an ISP that blocks email?

      Sure. If the Internet service is that bad, I’m guessing it's some developing country that's nationalized the Internet. Therefore, they want you using their servers and services, because half the point is to make spying on you easier. Not particularly uncommon... (Often they'll only block it if it's encrypted or something like that.)

      --
      'Sensible' is a curse word.
    9. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      When I feel particularly grouchy toward the web, I run elinks (either in Linux or Cygwin). It'll run gmail, and forces you do to so not only in their "basic" mode but it also prevents any images, anywhere, from downloading. Might be perfect for your purposes while you're there.

    10. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Lally+Singh · · Score: 4, Interesting

      There's an offline gmail chrome app that lets you work that way. Also, turn on two-factor for them. They can receive the number via SMS, and it'll help prevent them from being phished. Once set up, it's easy to understand how to do it, and they only need do it every month. (There are a few email providers that provide 2-factor).

      gmail can check a pop3 account on your behalf, and you can set your 'from' address (I haven't checked the constraints on what you can set it to...). So there's not necessarily a need to change email addresses to use gmail.

      if gmail is blocked, then you're in an unusual situation where nobody here can give you good advice without knowing more about what's going on.

      I'm advocating gmail here for three reasons:
      (1) Really good spam filters and phishing warnings that can help keep out scams
      (2) Two-factor authentication
      (3) Easy setup with a chromebook.

      With the last, they can keep all their stuff on drive (and you can just log into drive to help them), and you can chromote in to see their desktop and help. Even video-chat while chromoting.

      --
      Care about electronic freedom? Consider donating to the EFF!
    11. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by postbigbang · · Score: 1, Insightful

      For other reasons, I'd recommend against.

      1) why raise a red flag (sorry for the pun)

      2) gmail reads all your stuff and sells the keywords to the highest/best bidder, so your privacy is zippo

      3) yes, a good POP3 provider can also reel-in mail from other accounts and become a personal email center.

      4) most of the spam I get desiring replies uses gmail, so training them not to respond to gmail users might be tough; they need training in general and you need to do that first and foremost before making decisions about what method you want to use.

      5) two-factor authentication is likely beyond their capacity to understand. I'd make this one really simple. Use an auto-updating Linux (like Mint), then setup a menu with few choices. Nothing Windows, and if you send a Mac, be sure it can be supported in their locale.

      --
      ---- Teach Peace. It's Cheaper Than War.
    12. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by canadiannomad · · Score: 1

      FYI Gmail has SMTP/POP service, and has the added bonus of excellent virus/spam filtering and no rational size limits.

      I would suggest a linux system with the main system being on a readonly partition. Then use unionfs/aufs to give them readwrite access. Worst case scenario you can blow away the RW partition and it will be restored to your defaults.

      As for Window Manager, I'd give'm IceWM locked down with a Windows Style Start Menu. Put anything they can have access to there. (Maybe even a "Restore To Defaults" script.)

      If you need remote access setup SSH to autostart on dialup connection, maybe with a No-IP client. If you set a decent password there is little risk for a mostly offline computer, and it would give you access. If ssh port is not an option you could setup some type of reverse ssh proxy connection.. but that might take up valuable bandwidth unless you give them a button they have to push to initiate the connection.

      --
      Hmm, the humour and sarcasm seem to have been be lost on you.
    13. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Centurix · · Score: 1

      This is a fair statement. Although I must chip in to state that the off-line gmail app for Chrome does a really nice job to cover that gap.

      --
      Task Mangler
    14. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If they only use it for email you could use a time locked drive that basically resets every time you restart it. Then they can get all the infections they want without destroying the computer. I tinker with malware in virtual environments all the time as a hobby to troll the makers and that machine is still going strong. This is not what I did since I'm close so I set up my grandmas email to highlight everything she should stay away from in red including attachments. If she wants to open attachments she just forwards it to me first to make sure.
      I set keywords like
      Coca Cola,Million,FBI,Agent,Dr,Doctor,Money,Funds,Recovered,Prince,Lotto,Secret,Shopper,Infect,Malware,Euro,Pounds,Urgent,Bill,Overdue,Payment,Christian..
      A bunch of crap like that and over time she's wised up to their cons. I said gram if you see shit in red and there is a link/download/contact request and you don't know them email me first and she said watch your mouth then I said my bad.

      I'd setup the locked system in your case.

    15. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by AvitarX · · Score: 1

      Do chromebooks have modems? Does Chrome OS even support dial-up?

      --
      Wow, sent an e-mail as suggested when clicking on "use classic" banner, and got a fast response that addressed my msg
    16. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by msauve · · Score: 1

      "a chrome book, is all they need"

      Which Chromebook has a dialup modem port?

      --
      "National Security is the chief cause of national insecurity." - Celine's First Law
    17. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by viperidaenz · · Score: 1

      A virus with access to a dialup modem can make lots of expensive calls.
      That's how they made their money back in the 90's.

    18. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by viperidaenz · · Score: 2

      Disable it via group policy then. gpedit.msc

    19. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by AmiMoJo · · Score: 1

      Get a Chromebook. Gmail integration, virus proof, cheap and low maintenance.

      --
      const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
      SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
    20. Re: Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Gmail + iPad and a Wi-Fi to dial-up bridge. Just no software updates.

    21. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      what part of dial up did you not understand?

    22. Re: Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Sweet !

      Oh wait, where is the phone line port ?

      I see, so a chrome book, plus a wifi router that does dial up.

      Doesn't seem like a solution to me.

    23. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by unrtst · · Score: 1

      Or use Gmail with an email client and IMAP.

      Might work, but doesn't solve any of this guy's problems.

      It doesn't solve *ALL* his problems, but it goes a long way to solving several parts of it:

      * that can receive messages no larger than 1MB nor hold more than 15MB
      * They are computer-illiterate, click on everything they receive, and take delight on sending their information to any Nigerian prince that contacts them, "just in case this one is true"

      The former - they'll have more space.
      The latter - gmail has, IMO, one of the best spam filters. I imagine it also does well with viruses, but I've never really worried about them (not on windows; don't execute attachments; keep my system more-or-less up to date).

    24. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by grcumb · · Score: 1

      Gmail optimizes for low bandwidth links.

      I didn't know that! Is it something I need to configure?

      Good News: No, you don't need to configure anything.

      Bad News: Yeah, it's as bad as you remember. The biggest difference is this really condescending message at the top of your screen, saying, "Hi! You're a second-class citizen, so we're sending you to a second-class interface using second-class bytes! NOM NOM!!"

      ... Or something - I can't remember the exact text; I just remember promising myself I'd find the developer who wrote that and emasculate him with rusted baling wire.

      A decent mail client with GMail over IMAP is probably best. Only downloads headers unless you actually load the message.

      --
      Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.
    25. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by unrtst · · Score: 3, Informative

      I'd make this one really simple. Use an auto-updating Linux (like Mint), then setup a menu with few choices. Nothing Windows, and if you send a Mac, be sure it can be supported in their locale.

      Updates, IMO, will be one of the biggest issues. I ran into this with a local (almost/soon-to-be) relative who was stuck on dial up. I just didn't do anything about their VERY slow computer until I got them onto something with some more speed (they were on dial up aol!!!). How in the world do you update/fix windows XP if someone is on dialup? I'm sure it's possible - I downloaded CD's back when I was on 33.6 - but I don't have weeks to spend doing that. I'm not sure exactly what the answer to that should be.

      With that in mind, and with the stories of many virus infections and poor support from their friends, I'd probably try some sort of VM arrangement. Maybe something like:

      * boot to something minimal and hardened (vmware ESX, linux + kvm, whatever you're most comfortable with really)
      * set it up to automatically boot the VM, so that's really (almost) all they see
      * VM install should have multiple disks
      * disk1: OS, fully updated before you send it there, and take a snapshot
      * disk2: data, copy there stuff here or plug in an external drive of theirs or whatever

      If something goes really wrong, just go back to the snapshot.

      Consider putting another VM on there that can do offline virus scan of those other disks (maybe clamav), and possibly integrity checks.

      Could also put another on there that does a call home to you (dialup, wait for connection, ssh somewhere and setup a tunnel - go over 443 or 80 for a better chance of it working, and maybe use dyndns for the hostname).

      Others above recommended gmail. Some other provider should be chosen if at all possible. I like gmail, and am also a fan of fastmail.fm, but pick whatever you want. Pick one that can pull mail from other providers, offers OK amounts of storage, imap (and/or pop3, but imap would be preferable so the data stays on the server and you can wipe their machine easier), and virus and spam protection should be decent too. Having webmail available would also be good, because then you can jump into their mail and clean it up if needed :-)

      For remote access, forget about proxying commands through email. That's a bit crazy.
      Just setup ssh on it and have it run on a variety of ports (22, 80, 443, 65000, whatever), and bookmark something like "whatismyip.com" for them to go to and tell you their IP.
      If you MUST have some other proxied command method, there are some for various IM clients, and there's stuff like logmein. It's trivial to have pidgin run stuff in the shell via a plugin, for example. At least this could be part of something they don't use every day.

    26. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by isilrion · · Score: 2

      Oh, I remember that. I thought they had implemented something better. Yep, over there, you give up long before the "Hi! You're a second class citizen" message. I recall that I used some python module that crawled gmail when it was really bad, and that there was some 3rd party "gmail lite" website that creeped me out but people used it nonetheless.

      Apparently /. doesn't let me post too frequently. I've got pretty interesting suggestions in this thread, I won't be able to thank them all or clarify their questions. In case I can't and they come back and read /this/ response: Gmail is not an option. It would be ideal (imap or pop3), but everything beyond their local email servers is firewalled. They can browse a handful of sites via a squid proxy server in their network, but gmail (or any other competing "open" email provider) isn't among them.

    27. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by thieh · · Score: 1

      if gmail is blocked, then you're in an unusual situation where nobody here can give you good advice without knowing more about what's going on.

      Get everything through Tor with bridge? That of course assumes that you can install tor with bridge list somewhere else, and at some point update tor on site.

      Speaking of which, OpenBSD/illumos might be a good idea comparatively because of their less popularity compare to linux (so even less malwares target those given what they do on a regular basis.)

    28. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ozmanjusri · · Score: 3, Informative

      Does Chrome OS even support dial-up?

      It could, with an ethernet dial-up modem.

      Having said that, I think the best solution would be Debian with Eldy installed, and a few scripts for parent-specific needs (like a revert-to-default/familiar setting) linked to big, clear buttons.

      --
      "I've got more toys than Teruhisa Kitahara."
    29. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by flyneye · · Score: 1

      Beware the Doom floppies you found "left behind" at school. GET U PWND LLAMA!

      --
      *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
    30. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by flyneye · · Score: 1

      " No need, Chrome OS is already on my phone. I got dialpad! " --dumb blonde

      --
      *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
    31. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by zippthorne · · Score: 1

      Which doesn't bode well for the continued existence of their "dial-up only" email provider continuing to stay in business and provide that email address. Submitter should migrate them over to gmail or other large, likely-to-have-plenty-of-warning-before-service-stops web mail company sooner, just to inoculate against the possibility of an unexpected cutoff (presumably they stay because they don't want to lose contact with people using that email address, but they will lose contact pretty quick if the provider goes out of business.)

      --
      Can you be Even More Awesome?!
    32. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by JMJimmy · · Score: 1

      Say it with me: Deep Freeze.

      Give them an external hdd to save their files onto. If they want to permanently install a program they have to call for instructions. It sounds like a lot more work but I'm telling you it's such a simple solution. I did it for my autistic sister-in-law - once a year I run maintenance. The only annoying part is disabling all the auto-updating crap.

    33. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by sg_oneill · · Score: 0

      Beware the Doom floppies you found "left behind" at school. GET U PWND LLAMA!

      There used to be a series of commands you could send to a C64 to get the motor to do some fairly unnatural moves(such as slam down the write head and then eject, if I remember rightly. Its been a *long* time).

      We used to leave "game" floppies around the classroom (This was back in the 80s) and then wait for the high pitch whine , and if we where lucky , even a whiff of blue smoke.

      Kids are little terrorists, and I wasn't much better lol.

      --
      Excuse the Unicode crap in my posts. That's an apostrophe, and slashdot is busted.
    34. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by snsh · · Score: 1

      A few years ago, Microsoft released a Windows security update that changed the default autorun/autoplay behavior, prompting the user to select either browse/execute when media is inserted instead of executing automatically.

    35. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ArmoredDragon · · Score: 1

      There used to be a series of commands you could send to a C64 to get the motor to do some fairly unnatural moves(such as slam down the write head and then eject, if I remember rightly. Its been a *long* time).

      I don't think any of the C64 disk drives had a soft eject function. They either had the little spinny lever or the lip that you'd push in and up.

    36. Re: Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Informative

      First, take a big step back... and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!

      The answer to every technical problem is not a chromebook an ipad or a fucking wristwatch or whatever doohickey that you can get android on. Every device youre thinking of is a failure for the given situation. Mostly because none of them have dial up hardware. Secondly, those are all disposable first world toys that are as reliable as the length of their warranty.
      And lastly, they are all based on having broadband connections to push ads at the user which is the last thing these luddites need.

      There are probably about 100 devices designed for " linux you can give to grandma to check her email and she'll never know" that are specifically targeted at this purpose and youre babbling like some best buy employee who just got done watching his first training video.

      Go back to engadget, please.

    37. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ls671 · · Score: 1

      It could, with an ethernet dial-up modem.

      Sorry to ask, what the heck is an ethernet dial-up modem??

      ISDN? Does ppp over a voice line modem qualifies also? pppoe + dsl ??

      I am puzzled...

      --
      Everything I write is lies, read between the lines.
    38. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      if gmail is blocked, then you're in an unusual situation where nobody here can give you good advice without knowing more about what's going on.

      Get everything through Tor with bridge? That of course assumes that you can install tor with bridge list somewhere else, and at some point update tor on site.

      Speaking of which, OpenBSD/illumos might be a good idea comparatively because of their less popularity compare to linux (so even less malwares target those given what they do on a regular basis.)

      Have you given any thought to what Tor would be like on dial-up? You've gone off into a pretty goofy solution simply to justify getting his parents to use gmail instead of a local mail client. Why not use Occam's Razor here before we fill up the cart at best buy with all the latest stuff and build some Rube Goldberg type monstrosity that needs a killowatt more power than their hut can provide.

      Just let them stick to their email provider for now and buy them a linux computer for old people

      You can convert them to the google/apple/microsoft cult later on.

    39. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by SeaFox · · Score: 1

      I actually have one somewhere in my junk in storage. It was an analog modem mated with a hub pretty much. You would connect your devices with Ethernet and the modem would hold it's own dialer setup. When something wanted to connect the modem would call in the provider and it (and any other devices) were online.

      In practice it didn't work that good, because once a computer thinks it has an always-on network connection it tends to try making remote connections for all sorts of things unless you lock it down. So the modem was always connected pretty much. This isn't practical when you don't have a dedicated phone line for it and even then many ISPs had systems set up to not allow you to keep connections on constantly like that.

    40. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Linux computer for senior citizens
      or roll your own. There are some incredibly lower power linux compatible boxes around. Like a mint box or those atom boxes that people use for HTPC builds. Throw a light distro on there with some windows theme to camouflage it. get a modem and be done with it.

      maybe you could ssh/ vpn in to fix stuff, maybe you cant. But for sending large files I don't know why you wouldn't just ship them flash drives with whatever you wanted to show them. it would cost very little to send them back and forth.

      Maybe you could attach them to carrier pigeons or something.

    41. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ls671 · · Score: 1

      Thanks, I see what you mean. It is pretty much like typical cable/dsl modems look nowadays.

      I don't recall encountering those although I would replicate the functionality by connecting the modem with a serial cable to a linux router. I pretty much always used a linux router from the start. Even nowadays, I always have the "ethernet" cable/dsl whatever modem in pass-trough mode to the Linux router through an RJ45 connector.

      I remember setting rules on linux routers for the following use case you described, those were on coaxial ethernet :-)
      " because once a computer thinks it has an always-on network connection it tends to try making remote connections for all sorts of things unless you lock it down. So the modem was always connected pretty much. This isn't practical when you don't have a dedicated phone line for it and even then many ISPs had systems set up to not allow you to keep connections on constantly like that"

      --
      Everything I write is lies, read between the lines.
    42. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      not a fan of chrome, but google has you covered here for offline gmail https://support.google.com/mai... (for chrome only)

    43. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ls671 · · Score: 2

      This isn't practical when you don't have a dedicated phone line for it and even then many ISPs had systems set up to not allow you to keep connections on constantly like that.

      Also, I remember signing up with a big telco where I live that advertised unlimited access. I phoned them and told them up front that I was going to be on 24/24 and they said; no problems, so I signed.

      I quickly discovered that they would hang up after 6 hours. We had to dial-in again and they seemed to purposely change the IP address everytime, anyway, I never got the same IP twice in a row.

      God what fun I had using dyndns short DNS records TTL and all kinds of "adjustments" to have something relatively stable. User knew the network would go down for 10 minutes everyday during a business day and they got used it.

      OK, I have to stop. I am laughing my heart out.
       

      --
      Everything I write is lies, read between the lines.
    44. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by mwvdlee · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Some stupid student had pictures of himself naked with his gay friend in his University home folder! ;-)

      Some normal student with a sexlife had private pictures in his private University home directory.

      although I was tempted to post the gay guys pictures somewhere public.

      Why would you do that? What exactly tempted you?

      --
      Slashdot social media options: AIM, ICQ, Yahoo, Jabber and Mobile Text. Why no MySpace?
    45. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Buchenskjoll · · Score: 3, Insightful

      If you where tempted to post intimate pictures you found on someones account publicly, you're no whitehat, you're an asshat.

      --
      -- Make America hate again!
    46. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ls671 · · Score: 1

      Some stupid student had pictures of himself naked with his gay friend in his University home folder! ;-)

      Some normal student with a sexlife had private pictures in his private University home directory.

      There is a difference between common sense and privacy. University conditions specifically forbid private use anyways. It has to be for University related activities, like conducting research on security vulnerabilities for instance ;-))

      although I was tempted to post the gay guys pictures somewhere public.

      Why would you do that? What exactly tempted you?

      Puberty, stereotypes, society ??? Important thing is I didn't.

      --
      Everything I write is lies, read between the lines.
    47. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      What Chrome book model has a dial up modem and dial up software? Yep, none of them. That is ancient tech; nothing really comes with a modem anymore and dialers aren't common. Best bet is to get them some pencils, paper, envelopes, and stamps since they live in a place with no technology.

    48. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Culture20 · · Score: 1

      You can also make the system forget that \autorun.inf files exist (no method of interacting with them works). I've used this method before because the "new" default for autorun still has social holes (programs can choose their icon and run text).

    49. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by tehcyder · · Score: 1

      But if this was at University, you were presumably 18, not 12. There's a big difference between what's reasonable behaviour for an 18 year old as opposed to a 12 year old.

      --
      To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
    50. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by vtcodger · · Score: 2

      All I know about Chromebooks is what I just read at Wikipedia. But they seem to have USB ports. There certainly are USB fax modems out there and they are cheap. I just set one up on a netbook so we can ditch the ancient fax machine pushed back in a corner of the bedroom. I don't know for sure that the Trendnet USB modem we bought works with Linux/ChromeOS, but it certainly runs well enough with Windows XP to get a login prompt from a local Netzero node.

      --
      You can't see ANYTHING from a car, You've got to get out of the goddamned contraption and walk...Edward Abbey
    51. Re: Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There is a difference between gay and straight. One is socially acceptable and would only cause minor embarrassment. The other could lead to severe bullying and hate crimes. Just because we like to think sexual orientation doesn't matter, in a case like this it makes a HUGE difference.

    52. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by vtcodger · · Score: 1

      However, I should probably add that using a web oriented computer like Chromebook in a place with only dialup might encounter a few problems.

      --
      You can't see ANYTHING from a car, You've got to get out of the goddamned contraption and walk...Edward Abbey
    53. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Gmail does allow pop3 and smtp use, so you don't have to be online to read your mail. So, you can perform batch downloading and uploading.

    54. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by NoImNotNineVolt · · Score: 0

      With the last, they can keep all their stuff on drive (and you can just log into drive to help them), and you can chromote in to see their desktop and help. Even video-chat while chromoting.

      Did dialup get that much faster since I last used it? I remember 56K, but I didn't know it'd gotten all the way to megabit connections now. Impressive!

      --
      Chuuch. Preach. Tabernacle.
    55. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Some stupid student had pictures of himself naked with his gay friend in his University home folder! ;-)

      Some normal student with a sexlife had private pictures in his private University home directory.

      although I was tempted to post the gay guys pictures somewhere public.

      Why would you do that? What exactly tempted you?

      I am suspecting that he was jealous someone was getting more intimate time than him or was comfortable with their body ;)

    56. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by AvitarX · · Score: 1

      We had one of them where I work (in the late 90s, maybe into early 2000s). One of our locations didn't have access to DSL, and cable didn't exist yet. Eventually, when the internet was more important, they got ISDN there, and then a T-1 when they got cheap (when factoring in all of the phone lines included). I actually think the location closed just before cable was available.

      --
      Wow, sent an e-mail as suggested when clicking on "use classic" banner, and got a fast response that addressed my msg
    57. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      In the "me too" catagory.

      One of the small community comptuer labs I helped at had something like that. The particular one we had was a "Webramp M3" (3 RS-232 ports (up to 3 modems), 4 port 10 Mb/s hub). The local School district (who this lab was partnerted with) also used them for their schools before the fractional T-1 got installed (1999-2000 ish)(Not sure what they had between the schools, but they had a 768K down at the school where the connection terminated from the State).

      The modem drop down, when you told it you had that partular model modem for some reason initilized the modem to a max connection speed of 33.3Kb/s.Doing a custom initilization string (AT&F IIRC), I could get the 56Kb/s.
      (Personally I didn't like it. Stuck a Linux box in with a proxy and a dial on demand setup and it worked much better. That Linux box outlived at least 2 modems. Ended up with a 14.4K modem they found in the box of stuff after the second 56K died before they got a high speed connection)

    58. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by michrech · · Score: 1

      Google Mail supports IMAP. Assuming they didn't mind changing addresses, they could set up an IMAP capable client, connect / sync, then disconnect.

      --
      bork bork bork!
    59. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by serviscope_minor · · Score: 1

      Gmail optimizes for low bandwidth links.

      Not really, it doesn't. I mean it seems to optimize for what googlers consider to be low bandwidth (anything under about 150mbit/s or so), but for actual modem speeds it makes me yearn for 1996 era hotmail. Now that really was optimized for low bandwidth links.

      --
      SJW n. One who posts facts.
    60. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Daniel_Staal · · Score: 1

      Assuming POP/IMAP and SMTP aren't blocked - which is even more likely to be the case than that the Gmail page is blocked.

      --
      'Sensible' is a curse word.
    61. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by disposable60 · · Score: 1

      Details, please?

      --
      You're looking for quotes? See my journal.
    62. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by newslash.formatblows · · Score: 1

      "Stopping to think a moment; who loses the urge to reproduce? "

      Your parents?

    63. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Not just nonstandard ports. Set up a basic script that connects to two or three hosts (a records) in domains you name and establishes a reverse tunnel, falling through to different hosts if the first fails (and the box is online). You can have them launch/double click it manually, and/or schedule it to run once a day and look for a timestamped shellscript to exec locally.

      Rig up their box to authorize as a user without a shell, chrooted down on your host(s). Then either bind the key to a fixed command that sets up a netcat tunnel, or just use standard reverseproxy functionality (-R or -L as you need) it.

      I mean, you're basically reinventing a firewall bypassing rootkit, but ...it's not difficult, and you don't have to hide from anything since you're legit.

      This way you learn quickly
      A) The box connected to the /second/ host, somebody blocked the first. Time to engage in evasive fast flux.
      B) You probably determine if they're compromised if anything connects to your ssh skip host/proxy on a nonstandard port

      You can also run your skiphosts/bouncer/proxy SSHD on a few services -- in addition to 22, I recommend 53/80/443 ... almost nothing blocks those, although some proxies might crash hard.

      No need to reinvent things... ssh or a VPN does all of this pretty easily.

      If you're really worried about running this when they're offline -- find a domain you own and trust, install a key on their machine with your pubkey, and publish daily shell scripts or hashes of shell scripts with gpg signed by you. Download, validate, exec. Hell, you could even have it /just/ download them, and them call you before running it. Or have it run it, save the log file, email it to you...

      curl http://my.domain.com/theirfolder/`date --date="next-day" +"%H-%m-%d"` | (gpg --verify && exec script, save log, add log to outbound email...)

      You could even send over signed zipfiles with manifests of scripts and files...

      This isn't brain science or rocket surgery.

    64. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Frosty+Piss · · Score: 1

      So... Are you still behaving like a 14 year old? or have you matured any? Apparently not.

      --
      If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
    65. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Culture20 · · Score: 1
    66. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ls671 · · Score: 1

      I was 16, you insensitive clod.

      --
      Everything I write is lies, read between the lines.
    67. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by ls671 · · Score: 1

      Wisdom and Temptation:

      http://www.ascentmagazine.com/...

      --
      Everything I write is lies, read between the lines.
    68. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by sg_oneill · · Score: 1

      Yeah I think your right actually. Its nearly 30 years ago, so in my defence my memory is somewhat hazy on the exact details of how the "poke of doom" worked.

      --
      Excuse the Unicode crap in my posts. That's an apostrophe, and slashdot is busted.
    69. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Zordak · · Score: 1

      but everything beyond their local email servers is firewalled

      How are your parents enjoying their stay in North Korea? Have they made it to Baekdu Mountain yet?

      --

      Today's Sesame Street was brought to you by the number e.
    70. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by isilrion · · Score: 1

      Wow, thanks. Saving that page now. I'm feeling tempted to send them an autorun.reg attachment. I'll try it in my computer first, though. (Also, I didn't realize how braindead window's autorun "feature" is. I really hope gnome/kde devs don't want to imitate that).

      Actually, if I can send them a .reg file by email, I could try to add a few more things (like showing extensions). I wonder if I can also send them some kind of group policy update to prevent their do-gooder friends from re-enabling the extension hiding "feature". In any case, thanks!

    71. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by isilrion · · Score: 1

      We've never been to Asia. I've been thinking about going on vacation abroad with them. In your opinion, is Baekdu Mountain worth the trip? They always go to Florida, I would expect them to be bored by now. Maybe I can convince them to go elsewhere... but I don't think they are big fans of mountains.

    72. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Reads my mail! and sells it ? Guess I will have to learn to speak Navaho.

    73. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Puppy or Fatdog ? booting from a CD. I use a Dell 630 laptop for checking email with Puppy. It is not much use for any thing else. The hard drive does not have to be NTFS. There are plenty of them around for sale for $200.

    74. Re:Dial up can still access gmail by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      The US communications services industry basic training film part 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e3dTOJi0o

  2. Masochist by sinij · · Score: 1

    Clearly, anonymous reader is a masochist.

    To increase your pleasure, I suggest Damn Vulnerable Linux.

    1. Re:Masochist by penguinoid · · Score: 1

      Might I suggest a Chromebook? In this case, being partly crippled is a feature.

      Clearly, anonymous reader is a masochist.

      Indeed. Remote tech support for people who will regularly need it is bad enough, when they're your relatives it can be worse (and you can't bail).

      --
      Don't waste your vote! Vote for whoever you want, unless you live in a swing state it won't matter anyways
    2. Re:Masochist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Your solution for a situation where the only internet access is via dialup is a machine that barely does anything without an internet connection?

    3. Re:Masochist by sinij · · Score: 1

      Absolutely perfect if you enjoy pain. Safe word "banana".

  3. Sorry by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I think you are asking for the impossible. Maybe you need to give them ipads, tell them to ditch the old emailaaccountsand have a happy life?

    No is an appropriate answer you know.

    1. Re:Sorry by Daniel_Staal · · Score: 3, Informative

      Actually, an iPad sounds like exactly what he's looking for: Locked-down, with specific functions accessible. There's even some provisions for remote maintenance by authorized personnel. (He'd have to get OS X server and configure things first, I think, but it should be possible.) Main problem is dealing with connecting it to a dial-up link.

      --
      'Sensible' is a curse word.
    2. Re:Sorry by peragrin · · Score: 1

      Not really. Install a wifi router, with a modem. I haven't tried plugging a usb modem into a usb port on a dd-wrt box with a custom config might just do it too.

      http://www.greatarbor.com/prod... google search, SFW, no idea on reliability, read all fine print)

      Even a macbook won't last long with now a days without care.

      --
      i thought once I was found, but it was only a dream.
    3. Re:Sorry by peragrin · · Score: 2

      google is your friend.
      http://www.dd-wrt.com/wiki/ind...

      --
      i thought once I was found, but it was only a dream.
    4. Re:Sorry by isilrion · · Score: 1

      Is there a way to plug a dial-up modem to an ipad? I've thought about getting them a wifi router connected to a usb modem (is that even possible?) and somehow giving them a way to dial out, but that seems even harder. Still, if you know of a system for that (e.g., if openwrt has usb modem + ppp support), I'll look into it. At this point, no idea is a bad idea!

    5. Re:Sorry by bswarm · · Score: 1

      There's a dial-up modem/router called wiflyer... http://www.amazon.com/Always-O...

    6. Re:Sorry by PipsqueakOnAP133 · · Score: 3, Informative

      The original Apple Airport base station had a built in modem which would dial on demand, NAT the dialup connection, and share it with both wifi and ethernet.

      Pairing that with an iPad means that all the effort Apple put into banishing jailbreakers from the platform would do wonders for the trojan problem.

  4. There's actually a robust solution available. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    You don't need an exotic hardware or software configuration. You just need new folks.

    1. Re:There's actually a robust solution available. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Not that funny. I would cut ties and insulate my own financially from people this gullible. Grow up or get left behind.

      As a last resort, find something non-windows that provides the basics like email (WITHOUT html support, TYVM) and train one or two locals to do the tech support (and the installing). If that doesn't work, no support for you. This really is a people problem and so you approach it from a people perspective with a careful selection of tech to back that up. The OP is asking for the other way around: Magic tech instantly teachable to the gullible. No can do that, no.

    2. Re:There's actually a robust solution available. by LWATCDR · · Score: 1

      Those are hard to come by. Might I suggest a computer running OpenBSD?
      Lock it down so they do not have access to root and you should be pretty secure as far as malware. OpenBSD is very secure and frankly desktop malware does not target the 6 people using OpenBSD for desktops.
      The odds of them getting exploited is very low.

      --
      See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
    3. Re:There's actually a robust solution available. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If they're giving their information to Nigerian Prince scams, there is no hope.

      Or, alternately, buy them a tablet. But still - they'll type their information to Nigerian Princes, but more slowly.

  5. Standard remote access by Dwedit · · Score: 2

    Use a SSH or VNC server, and also use a dynamic DNS client so you have a hostname instead of some random IP address, Then you can control the machine directly when it's online. VNC might be really slow over dialup though, you'd need to use Tight encoding with JPEG quality cranked all the way down to make it usable at all.

    I usually end up tunneling VNC over SSH, and the VNC server only allows connections through the tunnel.

    1. Re:Standard remote access by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ideally, you can arrange with your relatives to be online at a specified time via email and use ssh (with X forwarding if you want GUI) to do diagnostics.

      Failing that, maybe have a look at setting up a cronjob to
      1) check if it's already run today, if it has then exit
      2) scan emails with something like the mail program and run your scripts
      3) mail back to you the results

      You can also make it check if certain shortcuts are on the desktop, and if not then just restore them.

      I'm an Ubuntu user myself but Linux Mint's MATE interface looks quite friendly for those used to windows

    2. Re:Standard remote access by westlake · · Score: 1

      Use a SSH or VNC server, and also use a dynamic DNS client so you have a hostname instead of some random IP address, Then you can control the machine directly when it's online....

      His parents live overseas and he visits them only once a year.

      To me that suggests that they are living in time zones at least six to eight hours apart, perhaps more.

    3. Re:Standard remote access by isilrion · · Score: 3, Informative

      Unfortunately, SSH or VNC require a direct TCP connection. They are firewalled (I should have called them "ESP: email service provider" rather than ISP), except for that mail server. We can't even jabber/irc/anything.

    4. Re:Standard remote access by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There's no other service provider? Is this some crazy governmental restriction or are your parents stuck in the old dog old tricks category...? You haven't really told us the real problem you are addressing but instead jumped to a solution that sounds absurd to most of us...

    5. Re:Standard remote access by BringsApples · · Score: 1

      If that's true, then your only problem is that they're answering emails to nigerian princes. During your next visit, just tell them in great detail that those types of emails are never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever going to be real. Maybe check into their email interface and see if there's a way to filter keywords related to those types of emails so that they're never tempted.

      --
      Politics; n. : A religion whereby man is god.
    6. Re:Standard remote access by isilrion · · Score: 1

      There's no other service provider?

      Kind of. That's the only service provider they have access to. Over there, there are no ISPs offering services to the public. Your employer is your ISP (if you have one at all): they buy a bunch of modems and phone lines to give access to their employees. They typically had so little bandwidth that they are forced to restrict access. There are some "cybercafes" with high prices, long lines, and that I doubt will offer better service than dial-up (for what I've read, you are not even allowed to download your messages to a usb drive). Their employer is considered to be one of the "best" providers, go figure.

    7. Re:Standard remote access by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Just let them die in peace and don't stress yourself out.

    8. Re:Standard remote access by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Sounds like a job for the A-Team! (If you can find them)

    9. Re:Standard remote access by Phreakiture · · Score: 1

      VNC might be really slow over dialup though, you'd need to use Tight encoding with JPEG quality cranked all the way down to make it usable at all.

      I will admit to trying such stupidity and confirm that this is true. Watching a screen refresh, even when using -compresslevel 9 and -bgr233 is very painful over dialup. Try to avoid it if at all possible.

      SSH, OTOH, is fairly usable by dialup.

      --
      www.wavefront-av.com
    10. Re:Standard remote access by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      could be north-to-south - the word 'overseas' is often misused..

    11. Re:Standard remote access by jedidiah · · Score: 1

      Yes. SSH has it's difficulties in this use case but it's the best of a bad lot. ALL of the other options simply require FAR too many resources. SSH is the only feasible remote support option here.

      --
      A Pirate and a Puritan look the same on a balance sheet.
    12. Re:Standard remote access by aix+tom · · Score: 1

      That is all somewhat very bad.

      When I consider what I had when I myself was "pretty in the neckiest woods there are" for a while, then I assume they HAVE the possibility to:

      1) Receive e-mails in an email-client that allows them to "click on things", e.g. start a HTTP download from somewhere, however proxied that might be
      2) Receive attachments in that mail client that they can run.

      Then I would suggest a Linux distro with a lightweight Window manger. I have put about a dozen of "Mail-And-Web" clicker-people on LXDE (I did it with Debian, but Lubuntu might be simpler to set up). Pretty simple desktop, with task bar at the bottom where you can put a start menu or quick launchers or other widgets.
      I did this setup for a few relatives when they ditched XP (or even Win95) in the last years. Basically just removed the start menu, just put a "Mail" and "Web" button on one side, and the clock and the logout button on the other side of the task bar. Nothing else.

      Then you could write a script that you put on the machine (in bash, perl, python, whatever you fancy), which executes scripts you send them with a special extension, and configure those scripts to be executed with your master-script when they click on the attachment. (You could add a key/hash in the comments of the scripts you send them, and check that with the master script you put on their box), and then mail the output of the script back to you.

      You could also put all kinds of helper functions in the pre-installed master script, like download files from http sources, or restore the last backup, or create a system report and mail it to you, etc......

  6. Chrome by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Chrome OS is the perfect solution, no?

    1. Re:Chrome by stevez67 · · Score: 2

      No.

  7. Wtf??! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Interesting

    So... Like.... Get them a fax machine instead

    1. Re:Wtf??! by SydShamino · · Score: 1

      Funny enough, my suggestion was going to be:

      1. A PC with no hard drive, that boots from a CD drive taped shut and buried in the case.
      2. A printer.
      3. Software that automatically prints emails from you or others on your white list.

      There ya go.

      --
      It doesn't hurt to be nice.
  8. goddamit by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    every time someone suggests a mac i scoff at the stupidity of it, but actually, shit, they sound perfect specimens.

    1. Re:goddamit by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Fuckwit.

  9. May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch? by SJester · · Score: 5, Funny

    No malware is written for it, it is impervious to network attacks, and it can be restored to the original system image just by shaking.

    1. Re:May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch? by BringsApples · · Score: 1

      May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch?

      I was just thinking "Why the hell are these people using a computer when all they're doing is email? Why not just send letters to friends and family?" when I read that, drink out the nose. Thanks a lot.

      --
      Politics; n. : A religion whereby man is god.
    2. Re:May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch? by smallfries · · Score: 1

      The original didn't come with network access, but you can buy DHL for it.

      --
      Slashdot: where don knuth is an idiot because he cant grasp the awesome power of php
    3. Re:May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I was thinking a surface RT instead

    4. Re:May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch? by alexhs · · Score: 1

      You mean, like that?

      --
      I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of killer sig, which this margin is too narrow to contain.
    5. Re:May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch? by zazzel · · Score: 1

      For people like these, even letters are a dangerous form of communication. A tenant of mine died recently - his apartment is overflowing with letters, pictures, cheap amulets from dubious astrologists, his mail box is still overflowing every time I check. And I was wondering why he was in debt despite his quite comfortable retirement pay.

    6. Re:May I suggest an Etch-A-Sketch? by SJester · · Score: 1

      That is epic; I love Scott Adams. Not sure if I was just lucky to have the same idea as a master of cynicism, or if I'd read that and forgotten. (I was still trying to find my assigned locker when that strip was published.)

  10. Get them a console by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Get them a console (as in a game console) with an internet browser app built in. Something like a Wii or a PS3 or something. Set it up so the home page is the webmail interface.

    Safe as you're ever going to get I reckon.

    1. Re:Get them a console by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I'd love to hear the explanation from the guy who modded this flamebait. It was an entirely serious suggestion made in a good faith effort to meet the criteria.

    2. Re:Get them a console by CaptainDork · · Score: 4, Informative

      I didn't mod it, but did you read the part about they are on dial-up and not allowed to do email by browser?

      --
      It little behooves the best of us to comment on the rest of us.
    3. Re:Get them a console by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      if they can click links and get spyware they can dang well use email by browser

  11. Use force by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Make them run ProxMox. Then if they get infected you just reload the Windows VM from an ISO on a read only DVD.

  12. Make them pay a professional by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    I'm sure they'll wise up quickly when they're having to actually pay for support. Ultimately, it sounds like they're not just illiterate, they're purposefully ignorant and the only way that they'll learn is if there are consequences attached with needing somebody to fix what they ought to know better than to do.

    1. Re:Make them pay a professional by CaptainDork · · Score: 2

      Bulldust.

      How in the Sam Hill does your post make any sense?

      Did you read that the OP only gets to visit them once a year? You still think they will wise up quickly? Then you disrespect them?

      I disrespect you, for them, by proxy. I proxyspect you.

      --

      OK, so you're out. I have to do everything.

      To the OP:

      Modify their user account to make them a standard user (not admin) and set certain restrictions. Because their are several versions of Windows, I respectfully refer you to Google.

      That was easy.

      --
      It little behooves the best of us to comment on the rest of us.
    2. Re:Make them pay a professional by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Because when it's costing them $50-100 or more every time they need to bring in a consultant to fix the problem, they'll start to make a connection between the behavior and the cost. If you come and fix my computer every time I screw it up, then where's my incentive to fix it? I don't have use of my computer for a bit, but beyond that there is no consequence.

    3. Re:Make them pay a professional by kaatochacha · · Score: 1

      Just stop it.
      He's dealing with Family. When you deal with family,especially older family members, you just roll with the punches. They have a limited ability to change, and a limited ability to learn completely new information. You have to realize that and work within the boundaries. Their naivety and ignorance of the system becomes a requirement, just as setting up a network onsite at a business may have requirements.
      I used to think my father was difficult when teaching him things on the computer. Then I tried teaching my mother how to use a tablet to look at Google street views of various places. Sweet Jesus I thought I was going to kill myself. But I sat there, smiled, and hammered away at it.
      Because....She's my Mother.

  13. no options? really? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I really don't believe you when you say there are no options. There are always options.

    If it were me, I would buy them an iPad with 3G/LTE if they can get 3G/LTE in their area. if not I would buy a router with WiFi that can use a dial up connection and buy them an iPad with WiFi only.

    And set them up with a gmail account instead. They need decent spama filtering and it would get rid of the size limit.

    1. Re:no options? really? by queazocotal · · Score: 1

      ...
      3g/LTE is very, very far from universally available.
      An Ipad?
      On dialup?
      Certainly, you can as a competent user probably use it that way.
      Good luck training people in the OPs relatives position to use it.

      As others have raised, dialup often costs per-minute.
      Webmail may be a terribly expensive option.

    2. Re:no options? really? by Noah+Haders · · Score: 1

      another benefit of ipads is assuming you have an apple product you can send imessages back and forth, which are like SMS but work over wifi too on a data channel that is not related to the SMS protocol.

  14. Chromebook by schweini · · Score: 2

    I can whole-heartedly recommend any cheap chromebook. They are basically completely support free, and can be reflashed in an instant.
    I'm not sure how well they work with dial-up, but can't really see why they'd perform worse than any other modern browser.

    I dont know how to hook them up to POTS line, though. But i guess there is some kind of solution for that.

    On another note: where do they live that they don't have access to slightly higher-speed 3G internet? I've travelled through third world countries, and cell-phone-internet seems to be almost omnipresent in some form or another.

    1. Re:Chromebook by isilrion · · Score: 1

      On another note: where do they live that they don't have access to slightly higher-speed 3G internet? I've travelled through third world countries, and cell-phone-internet seems to be almost omnipresent in some form or another.

      The cellphone provider there (only one, uggh) just recently began selling email access (just to their own pop servers), over 2G, I think, at about $1/Mb. No mobile internet. Roaming from another provider can cost up to $20/Mb. That's why I'm focusing on working with what they have.

    2. Re:Chromebook by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I dont know how to hook them up to POTS line, though. But i guess there is some kind of solution for that.

      Freesco and an external 56k modem.

    3. Re:Chromebook by nine-times · · Score: 4, Informative

      I think you're going to run into a general problem here, in that modern computers are generally not built to work off of such slow Internet connections. They're constantly getting big updates and patches.

      Some people have pointed you in the direction of Chromebooks, which to my knowledge doesn't have a POP3 client available because Google assumes you'll have web access. There may be other reasons why it won't work.

      I think your first instinct might be best. Install Linux. Figure out exactly what applications they need, and install only those apps. You can probably hack something together to run a script when they receive an email from you, but I think you'll be better off just having them run a script manually (tell them 'click on this button') that will collect diagnostic information and email it to you, if you want to do that.

      Pick a relatively stable distro (Debian?), strip it down to the bare necessities and use a lightweight desktop environment. Set it to only download security patches. For any updates more than that, bring a disk when you visit.

      I'm afraid none of this will keep them from responding to Nigerian scammers. Maybe set up their email to only accept messages from whitelisted addresses? Or maybe your parents just can't have the Internet.

    4. Re:Chromebook by isilrion · · Score: 2

      Absurdly enough, I hadn't even thought about trying to teach them to run a script manually. Even for that I needed a fresh perspective :D. One problem down (I think). Thanks!

    5. Re:Chromebook by gnasher719 · · Score: 1

      Some people have pointed you in the direction of Chromebooks, which to my knowledge doesn't have a POP3 client available because Google assumes you'll have web access. There may be other reasons why it won't work.

      These people's setup seems to be so outdated. I wouldn't have the slightest clue how to connect an iPad to a dial up network, and I wouldn't be surprised if you can't do that with a Chromebook either.

    6. Re:Chromebook by Malc · · Score: 1

      Yeah, exactly. Have you seen how many hundreds of MB that WindowsUpdate tries to deliver once a month? OS X can be pretty chatty in the background too

    7. Re:Chromebook by serviscope_minor · · Score: 1

      Egads. You're making this too complicated. Just buy them a Chromebook or an iPad with a keyboard and be done with it.

      That's it! Simple?

      Out of interest do chromebooks and/or iPads support dialup? If not, your simple suggestion is suddenly not so simple as you like to believe.

      --
      SJW n. One who posts facts.
    8. Re:Chromebook by Phreakiture · · Score: 1

      Where is "there", incidentally? I think it might be helpful to have some idea of how far out in which set of sticks we're talking about.

      --
      www.wavefront-av.com
    9. Re:Chromebook by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      if you can afford the phone bill, you could also have a script that sets up their modem in dial-in mode, and buy your own modem to call them up for remote support.

      if the job is fixable on unix, it should be fixable via command line, and fixable over 9600bps.

      (which the same speed as a local serial terminal, which were used almost exclusively for local fixes on server machines until the mid 90s or later .. and still are)

      if you use voip locally, be sure to check with your voip provider that their voip compression protocol is modem compatible -
      I'm not sure about this myself, having not done voip-modeming, I just know it's a 'gotcha'.

    10. Re:Chromebook by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      openbsd installs are particularly minimal and well suited for 'simple industrial strength' systems, especially if you don't need shiny multimedia and flash..
      regular media based updates via site.tgz would be pretty easy to do as well..

    11. Re: Chromebook by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Cuba?

  15. Forget their computer by eric31415927 · · Score: 1

    You could pay about $100 per year to use Skype to call their telephone whenever you want.
    Alternatives to Skype exist.
    Calling cards are possible (I've had success buying from Nobelcom.com).

    You wouldn't be able to attach any photos, but they're not fun with dial up anyway.
    You would have to call your parents when you are all awake, but calls are more personable than email.

    1. Re:Forget their computer by chipschap · · Score: 1

      I think this is as much about training as it is about a technical solution, but here goes.

      My wife clicks on anything, so I set her up a Linux Mint machine. I removed everything from the Desktop, and I took the "menu" button off the bottom bar. She could restore it but she doesn't know how and doesn't care about it.

      Then I put one, and only one, icon on the Desktop --- for Firefox. I made sure everything was set up, installed AdBlock and Ghostery, and that's it. Done. She can do one thing, which is launch the browser.

      In the Poster's case, I would have three icons: Google Chrome (fixed up with AdBlock and Ghostery), Thunderbird (so mail can be read offline), and one icon tied to a script to launch the dialup. (Or even better, use that old dialup-on-demand software; I don't remember the name but back in the day it worked perfectly.) I wouldn't necessarily put a file manager on the Desktop. Too much chance of messing something up.

      Set up Thunderbird to automatically fetch mail when started. Definitely switch to a gmail account to get around all the size issues.

      I think this would give what was requested, except for remote troubleshooting. Someone suggested dynamic DNS and ssh, and that might work well enough.

      For the most part I would also want the machine locked down enough so that an incompetent but well-meaning do-gooder can't make a hash of things.

    2. Re:Forget their computer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      For your wife, why bother with the desktop? Just have Firefox auto-launch on startup and anytime it's closed.

    3. Re:Forget their computer by chipschap · · Score: 2

      Believe it or not, I did have Firefox autolaunch on startup and she didn't like it, she wants to feel like she's actually using the computer by clicking the icon herself!

    4. Re: Forget their computer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I would also set this all up to run off usb thumb drive. Next make 3 or 4 copies should one start having problems they can unplug it plug in one of the others. Then they can snail mail you the problem system if they need something restored and such. Storing the thunderbird data files on the local he or a second usb thumb drive might also be useful.

  16. System updates over dialup are painful/impossible by swillden · · Score: 4, Informative

    Though even an out-of-date Linux distro is going to be safer against malware than Windows, keep in mind that it's almost impossible to keep one of the major distros updated with security patches via dialup. I tried that with my father in law's computer for a couple of years, setting up a cron job to dial up automatically late at night, every night, and chip away at the downloads. It fell further and further behind.

    Other than the fact that I don't know if any of them even support dialup, a Chromebook seems ideal for this application. Updates are smaller and less frequent, and ChromeOS is strongly hardened as compared to a standard distro, so it's less worrisome if they miss some. Chrome Remote Desktop would enable you to take control of the machine when needed (that actually works on any platform) and while it's painful at dialup speeds I have used it successfully.

    --
    Note to ACs: I usually delete AC replies without reading them. If you want to talk to me, log in.
  17. Seriously by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Cut them off, kill them, or swap their PC for a P-p-p-p-powerbook.

    It ain't worth it.

    1. Re:Seriously by Noah+Haders · · Score: 1

      w-w-w-w-what's a powerbook. you mean a macbook? cuz the last powerbook was in 2006. true story: in 2009 I sold my 2004 powerbook for $500. talk about retaining value!

    2. Re:Seriously by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      lurk moar.

  18. Fetchmail, dovecot and sieve by frooddude · · Score: 4, Informative

    Use fetchmail to pull from their account, drop it in their "inbox" managed by dovecot and create a whitelist via sieve (mail filter). You might even be able to get sieve to do that whole 'exec by email' thing if you want.

    The real key here is that what they see in their 'inbox' is only what you allow them to see since you're dropping everything except your approved From addresses (or similar criteria).

    Option 2: switch to snail mail and cancel their ISP account.

  19. Linux and SSH by cowtamer · · Score: 1

    Look, just give them Linux (if they will tolerate this -- computer illiterate people still don't like their environment to be changed), and put something in /etc/init.d/rc.local to e-mail you their IP address every time they dial in.

    Alternately, you can just give them a shortcut that displays the IP in a window for them to read to you.

    This way, you can just get them to dial in and troubleshoot their problems via ssh. You may want to have a fresh OS image in a different partition that you can restore from the command line if needed.

    I use a disposable gmail account and a Python based mail client to do the e-mail sending for this purpose.

    Alternately, something like GotoMeeting might work -- albeit slowly.

    1. Re:Linux and SSH by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      First. their "IP" is probably behind a NAT at their local ISP, so the "IP" is very, very unlikely to be reachable remotely. Remember, the IPv4 address space is almost depleted, and exposed address spaces cost serious *money*, and ISP's don't like to support remote access for customers, because they tend to run servers that.... you guessed it! USE BANDWIDTH! And since the bandwidth isn't cached by the ISP's proxy servers, and may be warez or copyrighted material or just plain old porn, well, it's using bandwidth to other ISP's that the ISP's have to handle and pay for. So finding a public facing IP address on a modern ISP is like money for groceries in the sofa cushions. It's happened, but cannot be relied upon.

      Maybe if you weren't doing all your gaming from your school's networks with public facing IP's that predate your birth, you'd know this. But hey, it's Eternal September, and I get to see such "d00dz!!! Just do this!!" advice all the time.

      And "instlal Linux" isn't an answer, it's a faddish war chant with no specifics. The Linux default distributions are also getting p0wned. Nowhere near as often, but still p0wned by subtle Trojans. Keeping it up to date, and compatible with their latest bank's web requirements or the latest standards violating FaceBook GUI, means getting updates. And that's fine, but for anything RPM based, the bandwidth sucked down by that butt-stupid, twinkie-sniffing, trailer park corn-dog stuffed couch blob known as yum "repodata" will eat their entire bandwidth budget without even blinking. It's *horrid* to maintain anything RPM based on a thin bandwidth line, for just this reason.

      So if you have to go Linux based, and there are good reasons to want this, be prepared to be the 24x7 support line for the folks, and use a distribution with a *sensible* packaging system. Debian and Ubuntu based systems are pretty good about this. RHEL, CentOS, SuSE, and Mandrake all will all suck your bandwidth bill from your veins with the default constant yum repository syncing.

      And lordie, don't even get me *started* on the "secret sauce" the Gentoo maintainers use to get their components to stick together. This is a family website.....

  20. It doesn't make sense by Ecuador · · Score: 1

    Do you time travel to 1995 to visit your parents? In any case, the overall scenario and questions don't make sense. Do they have some sort of dial up service that only allows them to access their email (with a 15MB inbox no less!) and nothing else? If so, not having web access how do they get all these viruses and spam email? If they do have web access, why do they have to use that "blast-from-the-past" email account for which you are trying to find crazy workarounds instead of anything else? It doesn't have to be webmail, you can set them up with a POP or IMAP service. Also, why the talk about running commands from email, can't you use one of the dial-up friendly remote management software? TeamViewer works over 56k. I doubt the "anonymous poster" is describing a real situation, it sounds more like an attempt at trolling.

    --
    Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Polar Scope Align for iOS
    1. Re:It doesn't make sense by mythosaz · · Score: 1

      Clearly something is afoul, yes?

      If they can get malicious links and viruses, they can hit the web.

      If they can't hit the web, and they only get port-25 email, and they can only open the attachments they're sent -- why not just give them a mail client that drops the attachments?

    2. Re:It doesn't make sense by tepples · · Score: 1

      Do you time travel to 1995 to visit your parents?

      There's a reason that the trope page for Decade Dissonance has a real life section.

    3. Re:It doesn't make sense by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You can be in any backwards place with the slowest/crappiest ISP, yet you don't have to use that ISP's email service. That's the point. You can't be limited to 15MB email, unless you live somewhere in the past. Unless you don't actually have "internet", but some sort of proprietary dial-up email service.

    4. Re:It doesn't make sense by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If you don't have web, so you only use your email to communicate with family, there is usually no way for your address to end up in the lists that are used by spammers/fraudsters etc. So you won't even get "strange" attachments.

    5. Re:It doesn't make sense by isilrion · · Score: 1

      Sigh. Original poster here. I'm not trolling. There are many viruses that transmit via email attachment (click_here_for_a_pretty_photo.exe) and USB drives. I am not the only person they comunicate with. As to where the nigerian/spammers got their email, it has leaked over the years.

    6. Re:It doesn't make sense by Ecuador · · Score: 1

      Hmm, so you are saying it is not really an ISP. It is only an email provider. And so we are not really talking about something like a 3rd world country, it is not so much a matter of infrastructure but of control (Cuba perhaps?). Have you looked at getting them satellite internet perhaps? I haven't looked at it recently, but I remember apart from expensive "regular" services there were some inexpensive ones where you would put a file in a queue and it would be broadcast to you. If something like that is available, you could be putting big files with your messages, videos, or whatever else you wanted up for them and set it so that it was downloaded on their end.

      --
      Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Polar Scope Align for iOS
    7. Re:It doesn't make sense by isilrion · · Score: 2

      Hmm, so you are saying it is not really an ISP. It is only an email provider. And so we are not really talking about something like a 3rd world country, it is not so much a matter of infrastructure but of control (Cuba perhaps?).

      Correct (with some nuances irrelevant for the situation being discussed). I'd rather avoid satellite solutions, just to ensure that I (and my family) stay entirely within the law. I used that email service for years and that ISP was pretty decent (given the restrictions). If you are savvy enough, you can do with those 15Mb much more than what one would expect. The breakdown is just the combination of my family being "not savvy" with the restrictions. If they had TCP conectivity but were illiterate, I could try to leave the some "backdoor" (vnc, ssh, remote desktop, whatever) and coordinate with them to "fix" their issues. Most of the issues, btw, are "the [ISP name] went away", meaning "I deleted or moved the desktop icon". I have done that with relatives not in Cuba. Or, if they lacked a TCP connection but were savvy, I could just communicate with them and tell them what to fix.

      This slashdot topic was a long shot. I had some ideas in mind, most too complex / brittle to be worth implementing and I wanted a opinions from a savvy crowd. I should have asked years ago! There was a suggestion of a Wifi-dial-up modem combo device + a tablet that I hadn't thought of, and while it doesn't cover all my "requirements", it may be a sufficient improvement over the current situation to be worth trying. In any case... I have almost a year to think about it and prepare, and now that I was given some ideas worthy of consideration, I'm grateful. I hope at least one comes to fruition.

    8. Re:It doesn't make sense by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      So satellite dishes are illegal? Or sort of grayish area?

    9. Re:It doesn't make sense by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      When I was an expat ten years ago in a developing country, I could enjoy a nearly 24x7 GPRS link for my Internet. However, it was slow and lossy enough that I switched to a work mode much like you are seeking. The difference is that I was sitting on the poorly connected end of the path, able to diagnose when things went sideways. I evolved the solution as I gained experience with it.

      I set up my machine using fetchmail and procmail to suck mail out of my IMAP hosted service and deliver into a Maildir folder, deleting from the IMAP server after delivery to avoid filling the provider's quota. I also configured a little sendmail replacement script for my mail user agent to use when sending mail. It just enqueued messages on the filesystem and I had a separate daemon script to monitor this queue and attempt to deliver via my hosted email provider using an authenticated SMTP utility such as msmtp or esmtp. I made my scripts test for presence of the PPP dial-up link (that's how GPRS modems look on Linux) and skip their periodic polling tasks if the link was down at the time. This way, I controlled the GPRS link manually and nothing dramatic happened when I left it offline for a long weekend etc. Once I brought it online for at least one polling interval, everything started playing catch-up automatically. My most common failure mode was forgetting that I had somehow disabled the outbound delivery agent, so I was writing mail that got enqueued locally and forgotten until I started to wonder why nobody was replying! This is an inherent risk of an asynchronous delivery model and too much faith in the mail always getting through...

      If you have scripted an environment like this where messages are being dropped into Maildir with procmail, you could also add an extra procmail recipe to analyze the incoming messages, match on header criteria, and route certain messages to dispatcher for your active payload. Assuming you would use GPG for safety of this active stuff, you probably want your little mail hook to: verify signature, decrypt, unpack, execute with tracing, repack results, sign-and-encrypt, return mail to you. Even then, you have a new problem of trying to design fault-tolerant scripts for remote management. You need to think in terms of idempotent sub-tasks and fail-safe intermediate states in case your script fails or is interrupted before completing. Also, you probably would want your own VM replicating their machine (with snapshots for repeated experiments/rollback) so you could attempt to test your jobs before sending them out for real.

      If they can get a separate email account for this new experiment, you could provide them a Linux appliance that can be field-tested in parallel with their existing methods, so Linux won't drain their regular POP account and vice versa. Assuming they have to share the same phone line, you can either leave it to them to activate one (but not both!) dial up systems or try to find a LAN to dial-up bridging router to share a single connection.

    10. Re:It doesn't make sense by WarlockD · · Score: 2

      Here is another food for thought. Allot of people are talking about fancy "chrome books" or "iPads". Hell, someone even dug up UUCP from the grave as a remote communication solution, baring ssh connections might be scrubbed from the state. The big problem is that, while I can make an educated guess where your family is, I can honestly say it doesn't matter. Whatever solution your going to implement:

      YOUR FAMILY IS GOING TO HAAAATTTTEEE IT.

      Oh they won't say it to your face, they will just ask if they can keep the old computer "as a backup" and just use that once your gone. I know this. I know this from 10 years of experience of helping my grandma, her friends, her friends friends, and working at Unisys as a drive around tech for both enterprise and consumers. My american born Korean friend knows this as well and has tried hard to find similar solutions. At the end of the day, all people want to surf the web, go to links friends and family talk about, and emal/text. Computer literacy ONLY helps the safety of said activity's. When my grandma discovered her grand-kids were all on Facebook, she didn't care that she set up 3 accounts with different passwords, but I was able to strengthen that out by having chrome force sign her in one. My friends mom would constantly complain about the linux install because it wouldn't play flash properly, so he had to switch her back to XP. These are just a few examples I can mention, and you WILL get these calls.

      Just remember, any "teaching" you do must be "with" them. Not "to" them. From their perspective, everything is working on their end. Their computer might be selling their information to the highest bidder and telling everyone how their penis can grow larger with one payment to the Nigerian, but they can still get pictures from family, they can still get messages. They can still see the latest football game scores.

      Do the wifi idea. Hell do one better. Set up a small embedded system with a built in modem. They sell embedded boxes, but an old p4 with a modem should work. PFSense is something I would suggest. I forgot the package but there is a way to set it up to act as an email proxy. Have it drop all attachments that aren't images. It can even unpack zip files and check if its just images in those. Have it dial in daily keeping the email box clear. Just say it just checks your mail every day at 1am or such. Its like 4 am and I am half out of fuel and I am sure you have looked at some of these products. They will still get viruses as I don't think it will have the bandwidth to keep the updates up, but at-least you can have it track their surfing habitats and can block country's they have no reason to go to. Talking to you Russia and most of Africa:P

      I hate to say it, but this is the best way for someone who is computer illiterate and doesn't use the computer much to care. You come in saying "just plug this between the computer and the modem to make the internet faster/safer" They don't feel alienated on the limited computer knowledge they learned and you can, they keep the computer/interface they are used too, and at the very least, have some control over the data going in and out.

      Whatever you decide just ask yourself, "Does this improve their experience? If not, what would happen if they just chunk it and not tell you?"

      As a side note, if it wasn't to much of an extreme luxury for the country its going to, I would recommend also an iPad for the interface. That single thing has introduced text messages, Facebook and god help me gaming to my grandma. If it wasn't for the large constant patches it needs and the very high chance it would get stolen, I would recommend it too.

    11. Re:It doesn't make sense by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "Come on, baby, I'll pull out before I cum!!!" Yeah, that's about as effective at preventing AIDS.

      As soon as _anyone_ uses your email address in a publicly viewable document, such as a contact list or a reference in a resume or other legitimate use, it's very likely to be harvested. Also, ISP employees have been known to sell customer lists to spammers, and spammers do brute force attacks on ISP email servers to collect valid email addresses.

      The threshold of effort to discover enormous numbers of email addresses is so low, and propagation so fast, that relying on "I don't advertise my email address" to protect you is not reliable. And the spammers have an ongoing traffic in email address lists, so the address will spread even if it's only discovered once, by accident.

    12. Re:It doesn't make sense by isilrion · · Score: 1

      That is an enlightened reply. I appreciate the time you took in writing it. You made me realize a few issues I had forgotten in the original post that makes part of this unworkable (they wont accept having to be at home to check the email, they usually dial-up from other places, I had forgotten about that). You are correct that from their perspective, everything is working (when something fails, e.g., they manage to erase a password or delete/reorder an icon, they blame it to the "computer being old"). I readily forget that... I must not.

  21. UUCP by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    The environment you describe (minus the viruses) is one where UUCP was designed. Dial up, retrieve some information, log back off. Now today they would dial up to an IP ISP and make a TCP connection and run UUCP over that, not the raw modem, but the basic principals still apply.

    Plus, if you use this method you will have to route them through your server / domain. You can do your own aggressive spam filtering while white listing yourself (and other relatives) before they retrieve the e-mail. You'll also need to configure their machine to queue the outbound e-mail locally.

    You can then use your favorite Linux distro, I won't recommend one in particular. They can read and reply to e-mail locally with a variety of clients. You'll want to get them a good web browser and configure it properly for them, of course.

    Other options include webmail (may be slow over dial up). Or the old school solution of something like "fetchmail" which would grab your e-mail on demand from a POP3 server and copy it to your local mail spool. Dial up, run it, log off, read and reply to e-mail locally. ISP's mail limits wouldn't apply.

    Just for trip down memory lane, 1 Megabyte at 38400 bits/sec is over 3 minutes not counting overhead. A 1MB attachment is probably a 5 minute download in the real world. Are you sure you want to enable them getting larger images?

  22. Lock down the Windows desktop by C0L0PH0N · · Score: 5, Informative

    I support a Windows 7 PC in our community center (retirement community). I simply installed Drive Vaccine (http://www.drivevaccine.com/), which is cheap and allows you to either lock the PC down entirely (no virus infection possible :)), or keep say a "documents" folder writable, but locks the rest of the PC down. This PC has run for several years, and is restored to a "baseline" after each restart. Never an infection, as it can't survive the reboot. Users can surf the Internet all they want, and write and receive emails etc, etc. Occasionally, I unlock it to do updates of various sorts, but then I lock it down again. Sounds perfect for your parents.

    1. Re:Lock down the Windows desktop by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      I've worked in a schools and a library doing IT support and having a method to lock down your windows pcs is a great solution. A product like drivevaccine, deep freeze, or rebootrestorerx is a good solution. make sure you set up an area that is safe from the restore process for saving files and email. with this solution you don't even need antivirus and you can turn off automatic updates. I would also suggest gmail using a POP3 client so that only the transmitting and receiving of the emails is done online, plus gmail has excellent spam filters which should eliminate the nigerian problem. use firefox and thunderbird and hide every instance of internet exploder.

      Otherwise I would suggest something like Linux Mint with the MATE desktop. Linux is impervious to windows viruse, adware, and malware. In the Mate desktop you can set up a "Favorites" menu with only the most needed apps visible and set the menu priority so the favorites menu is always the first menu displayed. The Mate desktop is very windows-like so should be familiar to your parents and it allows adding shortcuts to the desktop. only problem i foresee is Linux support of the internal modem... you may have to pop for an external real modem (not a winmodem). same recommendations about gmail, firefox and thunderbird as above.

      For remote desktop you can try teamviewer, which has a windows and Linux client. I'm curious what part of the world has such primitive internet access?

    2. Re:Lock down the Windows desktop by Selur · · Score: 1

      A Kiosk-like system sounds like the best solution. (no matter if it's based on linux/windows/mac/...)

    3. Re:Lock down the Windows desktop by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I'm curious what part of the world has such primitive internet access?

      Idaho.

    4. Re:Lock down the Windows desktop by bugs2squash · · Score: 1

      I use deep freeze too, it gives the kids lessons in backing up their data from time to time (you can back up minecraft etc.) so it's educational too !

      --
      Nullius in verba
  23. Cuba? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Sounds like your family lives in Cuba, I heard they can only use email over there, and is heavily monitored and restricted to a few people only.

    1. Re:Cuba? by jodido · · Score: 1

      Email in Cuba is no more "heavily monitored" than anywhere else (can you spell NSA?) and it's available to everyone. However, there is only 1 ISP and there is only dialup (from home) so it could be the OP's family is there.

    2. Re:Cuba? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Sounds plausible. I only wonder why the submitter feels that he can't reveal this snippet of information, which would obviously tone back the number of uninformed responses. Actually, fuck it. I call bullshit on the whole topic.

    3. Re:Cuba? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I didn't want to say where they lived because it tends to derail the discussion towards politics. But yes, you guessed right.

    4. Re:Cuba? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      In your situation I would set up a server with a 56K modem, with automatic answer (ATS0=1), mgetty, pppd, etc. This can also be their mail server, so you can use clamav, spamassassin, etc.
      Install a modem on their computer, and create a shortcut so that they can double-click to connect.
      The only problem will be the cost of all those international calls, that is why I wouldn't recommend on-demand dialing.

      Actually, I should do the same thing for my relatives in Venezuela. They still have "broadband" Internet at 1Mbps (same as 10 years ago), but the government keeps restricting it more and more. Eventually it will become a second Cuba in this regard too.

    5. Re:Cuba? by Antique+Geekmeister · · Score: 1

      If it's Cuba, I suspect that the KGB also left behind a lot of monitoring assets. The military and espionage history of Cuba is fascinating material, and I'd bet it would be a fascinating junk yard visit to see what the Soviets left behind, even if they mostly withdrew in the early 1990's. With Cuba's shortage of international cash, and excellent location for monitoring US and Latin American radio and satellite communications, I'd suspect the KGB maintains some significant monitoring assets.

      Personally, I'd _love_ to see how Cuban technical people see the open source and freeware software movements, and how they manage network operations on a shoe string, especially with the security issues they face.

    6. Re:Cuba? by LWATCDR · · Score: 1

      If your in Cuba odds are the NSA is not your real worry.

      --
      See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
    7. Re:Cuba? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Personally, I'd _love_ to see how Cuban technical people see the open source and freeware software movements, and how they manage network operations on a shoe string, especially with the security issues they face.

      For the general population, and for many technical people, being "freeware" is irrelevant. There is nearly no copyright enforcement, ever, so even the military runs pirated versions of Windows (or used to, fortunately I haven't had contact with Cuban military for over a decade). There is (or used to be) a thriving open-source-users-group(s), within the constraints (e.g., sneakerneting linux distros due to the lack of conectivity). At some point between 2005 and 2007, they began to realize the huge risk that was to run everything on a proprietary american technology, but there was widespread opposition to any change. I was part of a team in charge of the migration to open source solutions in one of the institutions, and we saw things like people refusing to use a computer at all because it had "linux" installed (read: we had installed openoffice alongside MSWord).

      FOSS is used a lot in network operations, though. One of the first and largest networks in the country (my folk's IPS) was linux only from the beginning, they practically introduced the technology and started the user groups. This meant that there was a lot of support for linux distros in the server side, while very little for windows. The ideology behind free software (gnu) is (was?) very strong in these groups, which helps explain the lack of all-encompasing monitoring programs a la NSA.

      Hardware is always hard to come by. My network served several thousand local users plus dialup with a few servers and a missmatch of interconecting technologies (ethernet, fibre, phone lines even for some local users, radio, whatever we could scrap together and get authorization for).

      If you can parse spanish, they have a group website over here. The website is (or used to be) largely irrelevant for the comunity due to the lack of web access, but the mailing list was very active. Many of the members can read and write english. That list is not the original one: the first one created by the that ISP was... nuked from orbit by the authorities. They probably disliked the more "ideological" discussions that used to take place on it. The new one probably limits itself to more technical matters to avoid the same fate.

  24. 2 Solutions... by Gription · · Score: 1

    - First solution would be to use a Windows thin client. Set it up, write the configuration to flash and then lock it. If it goes BOOM just turn it off and turn it back on and it will be exactly the same as it was. Mail will have to be on the web because nothing will be saved locally.

    - Second idea would be to use a terminal server / remote desktop. Give them just enough to log into a system that you maintain at your location. Make sure there are no visible links to a web browser (or anything else) on their local computer.

    ----------
    One thing people should tell their parents/grandparents/non-techie friends, "Anything fun, cool, and/or free on the web is inherently dangerous. If you can't tell how they are making money then you should suspect everything you see."

    1. Re:2 Solutions... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      agree on the thin client. although i've not seen a thin client with a modem.
      alternate solution - a windows RT based tablet - you can't install any software that isn't from the windows store, so no malware. still haven't seen a modem for these as all are wifi.

  25. Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by wisnoskij · · Score: 5, Insightful

    They ... click on everything they receive, and take delight on sending their information to any Nigerian prince that contacts them, "just in case this one is true".

    Your Relatives should not be on the Internet. Not only will they be scammed out of possibly every cent they have, but they are probably sending spam and viruses to all of us.

    --
    Troll is not a replacement for I disagree.
    1. Re:Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If they are that gullible with Nigerian princes, they must be that gullible IRL. I'm getting an image of the Beverly Hillbillies. My sister's a bit like that: "but this is one from the government!"

    2. Re:Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I'm glad you said it and happy to see you're being rewarded with karma. Accepting ignorance is not a solution.

    3. Re:Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      To be fair, they're probably only sending spam and viruses to one or two of us per day... dialup sucks. :)

    4. Re:Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Pretty much. They are too stupid to surf. They would already have lost every cent they have if someone came by the door selling swampland in Florida or bridges.

    5. Re:Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I had the same thought about that "just in case this one is true" ... I doubt there is anything you could do to make a computer safe if it is operated by people THAT hopelessly naive and careless.

    6. Re:Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by brrant · · Score: 1

      You're right, but given the isolation this imposes on them it's really difficult to tell people you love, "You just can't be in communication with the rest of us this way."

    7. Re:Your Relatives should not be on the Internet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      They ... click on everything they receive, and take delight on sending their information to any Nigerian prince that contacts them, "just in case this one is true".

      Your Relatives should not be on the Internet. Not only will they be scammed out of possibly every cent they have, but they are probably sending spam and viruses to all of us.

      I am going to whole heartedly agree with you on this. From everything the OP said there are some very bad behaviors going on that either need to be stopped completely or educated out of the parents. It sounds like OP needs to spend a couple of weeks with the parents and a real Internet connection to show them why their behavior is bad and how it affects others. These are people that don't need to be on the Internet anyway. I chose the word "need" very carefully so take that into consideration. If they want to be on the Internet then they really need to learn how to use it, just like anything else they've encountered in their lives. Needing somethng and wanting something are two completely different states of being.

      OP, please do the right thing and do not enable bad Internet behavior. Sit down with your parents somewhere with a freshly imaged machine that you care nothing about and show them what happens when they click on every link or every email. Point them at examples and news articles about security and other breaches and the real damage that is caused. I know they get a lot of social pressure to be on the Internet, but some people aren't ready and some just don't get it at all. This is not play time and there are real, very damaging consequences to more than just them and they need to understand this or they are just a danger to themselves and others.

      Having said all that, Deep Freeze, would be an option I would suggest. It won't necessarily keep them from infecting others but they can be clear of anything bad that gets on their system with a simple restart. I use it in student labs all the time. They keep their dirty files on an external device and my systems stay clean with a daily schduled reboot. You can setup a desktop that has everything they need to see and use shortcutted on it. The email code execution plugin idea is about as dumb as can be. You do not want an email plugin to execute code ... ever! The file merging thing is a bit of an odd request. If you use WinRAR or just about any free compression application you can have it segment large files and then it will reassemble them when you double click the lead (number "1" or "0") file. Problem solved.

  26. You want a ChromeBook by BitZtream · · Score: 4, Informative

    Thats about the easiest solution to your problems. Pretty much every other solution you see in this thread is going to require more maintenance than a windows machine. You can't expect a bunch of armchair admins to provide you sensible answers, 90% of the response you get here are going to be custom solutions that aren't completely thought out and require 100 times more effort than the person giving them to you realizes. You're just getting spew from a bunch of guys who think they are super clever.

    The solution is to make it so you don't need to support them, and if all they do is browse the web, a Chrome Book is the answer. The down side is that they become Google's bitch, but its probably worth it for your needs.

    --
    Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
    1. Re:You want a ChromeBook by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      > a Chrome Book is the answer

      Several people suggested Chromebooks. I can understand why, they are easy and locked down. But, as far as I know, a Chromebook cannot do dialup, which, as the original post says, is a requirement. So, unless your Chromebook is very different from mine, that's not such good advice.

    2. Re:You want a ChromeBook by apraetor · · Score: 1

      If there is no ability to change ISPs so this won't work; they specifically need to use dial-up to access the email account.

    3. Re:You want a ChromeBook by steveha · · Score: 4, Informative

      Agreed on the ChromeBook.

      I'm not sure about making a ChromeBook use dial-up, so the solution is to somehow get a WiFi router on dialup.

      I think there used to be WiFi routers that could manage a modem directly, but there isn't much call for them these days so I doubt you can find one.

      You could set up a computer with Linux just to manage the dialup, and plug that into the router's WAN port. But maybe you can just customize a router to do what you need:

      Buy a router that is well supported by open firmware and has USB ports. Install the open firmware, login as root, then customize the router to do the dialup with a USB modem.

      In the past, I have used TomatoUSB with an Asus RT-N16 router (costs about $80 new). It was a pleasure to work with. The router gives you about 24 MB of usable storage using onboard flash memory, but you can trivially plug in a USB flash drive and have gigabytes of storage if you need it. But you can probably set up the needed scripts to manage the modem in the 24 MB space.

      There are newer routers with bigger onboard flash if you prefer. I only mention the Asus RT-N16 because I have actually worked with one, and it's very inexpensive. And it has plenty of CPU speed and RAM for this application.

      The above solution is cheaper than using a computer to manage the dialup, and should be bulletproof. Also your relatives are unlikely to mess with it.

      P.S. Hmm, I did a quick Google search and there are still routers with dialup support. Here's one for about $150... I've never used one so I don't know how well it works.
      http://www.greatarbor.com/products.html#GAC-252

      --
      lf(1): it's like ls(1) but sorts filenames by extension, tersely
    4. Re:You want a ChromeBook by nine-times · · Score: 1

      Are there any POP3 clients for ChromeOS? That seems to be one of his requirements.

    5. Re:You want a ChromeBook by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Sign up for Gmail & have Gmail send & receive emails from your pop3 account.

    6. Re:You want a ChromeBook by Deathlizard · · Score: 1

      Second the Chromebook, Although keep in mind about printing (I recommend Epson Here. Must be Google Cloud Print ready but probably won't like Dial up) and Dial up to Ethernet is hard to find and expensive.

      What they really need is something like the Landel Mailbug A simple one purpose device just for mailing, but it seems like all of these devices either are very proprietary with expensive service plans, Don't service outside the US, or the company that made the device is out of business and the device is derelict.

    7. Re:You want a ChromeBook by surd1618 · · Score: 1

      ...getting spew from a bunch of guys who think they are super clever.

      ... is 90% of /.

    8. Re:You want a ChromeBook by Chrisq · · Score: 1

      > a Chrome Book is the answer

      Several people suggested Chromebooks. I can understand why, they are easy and locked down. But, as far as I know, a Chromebook cannot do dialup, which, as the original post says, is a requirement. So, unless your Chromebook is very different from mine, that's not such good advice.

      They could use either a wireless or Ethernet (most models) dial-up router/modem

    9. Re:You want a ChromeBook by Antique+Geekmeister · · Score: 1

      I don't have one in hand. Can a Chromebook use a USB/modem device? I've had good success on Linux laptops with those, when people broke their modem jacks.

    10. Re:You want a ChromeBook by Antique+Geekmeister · · Score: 1

      GMail supports POP3 and IMAP. IMAP can be vastly, vastly more efficient, especially because it can pre-filter the email into usable folders that are visible from multiple email clients, and only download mail when you want to read it.

    11. Re:You want a ChromeBook by strikethree · · Score: 1

      Wait a second. Let me get this straight because it seems too unbelievable that so many of you are advocating it:

      You are recommending a device that is useless without an always-on internet connection to people who use dial-up? Really?

      I do not have one but I expect 30-40 megabyte updates would be common for that device. I am unsure you could download that much over dial-up, much less do anything useful on top of that.

      It seems pretty clear that many people here were not around for the "good 'ol" dial-up days.

      --
      "Someone needs to talk to the tree of liberty about its ghoulish drinking problem." by ohnocitizen
  27. Kiss by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Automated System Restore disk of a Windows image with everything preinstalled, Or make a custom linux distro and do the same thing.
    I suggest making it as easy as 1) put disk in drive before going to bed,2) restart computer,3) sleep,4) wake up in morning and remove the disk from the drive (that you left open before turning the computer off) 5) turn of fresh computer.
    On reboot you can delete the contents of the desktop and copy the shortcuts from a backup that is in an other directory restoring them would keep the desktop free of clutter.
    are you any good with scripting languages, If you installed the program and made its associations only be something you know/use. This could also get around the multi-part issue as you could embed something like wget commands to download files and that would allow for bigger file sizes.
    You would have to look at some of the old multi-part mail programs I know it is something that used to be done.

  28. Android Tablet? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    As long as they're just doing email you could get them an android tablet.

  29. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  30. a good FreeBSD system properly configured is best by kesuki · · Score: 1

    i don't know where to go with Linux recommendations but pppd on freebsd will allow dialup on demand, but if you don't want that a manual link can be put on the desktop. chflags run as root (chattr if you don't like bsd and insist on linux) can make files immutable then not even root can delete, or move without running the chflags program first. if you want parts of the os to be protected feel free to make immutable files anywhere you feel like it to 'harden' the system the freebsd handbook has a walkthrough on compiling the kernel which is highly recommended for removing features and making the system harder to hack. disable or remove everything you or they don't need to further harden the system, and use a customizable WM and edit it so that only the functions you or they need are present i don't know what the people use these days, though.
    freebsd is easily configured to run on slow computers. keep in mind software modems may be a real pain to configure and there are usb modems that might work good, further research is required. i don't know what hardware you're running for them, but if you've got them on an arm board there are way more people working on linux based ARM support while FreeBSD warns they aren't end user ready... however a basic browser and email virtually anything x86 is usable for a modern browser which may not work right on dialup requires at least 256MB of ram with 1GB or better recommended by me.

  31. CGNAT by tepples · · Score: 1

    If they even get a globally routable IP. ISPs in some countries put customers who don't pay extra for a static IP behind carrier grade network address translation (CGNAT) on 100.64.0.0/10 (RFC 6598) or 10.0.0.0/8 (RFC 1918, older practice).

    1. Re:CGNAT by xvan · · Score: 1

      You can bypass that by reverse SSH, but it doesn't seem like a valid option in this case.

  32. It.s not about you. by westlake · · Score: 1

    Some desktop environment that hides anything unrelated to connecting to the net and accessing their account (dial-up software, email client, web browser, exchanging files between their hard disk/email attachments and USB drives). By "hide", I just want the rest to be out of the way, but not entirely removed, so that if necessary, I can guide them over the phone.

    I don't see enough thought being given here to how his parents use their computer besides sending and receiving their emails.

    Technical support by telephone across multiple time zones does not appeal.

    1. Re:It.s not about you. by kesuki · · Score: 1

      the best way to do this is to make a basic user account for normal mode, and an administrator account for accessing everything. all the settings for WM can be made so that admin can see everything wile basic user sees only a custom menubar and desktop and can't actually do anything. if their desktop icons are made immutable they won't be able to remove them, and if you find cheap hardware to run it all on they won't be a target anymore except to spammers/con artists.

      http://linuxgizmos.com/fanless-x86-mini-pc-runs-debian-on-2-3-watts/

      is a $100 device you could work with and just tell them it's their new pc. since it has a serial port many hardware modems will work, and need no drivers, usb modems may or may not work i don't know...

  33. iPad + pfSense by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Not that I'm an Apple fan boy, but there are no known viruses for iPads. You're still vulnerable to web-based javascript attacks, phishing, etc, but if the primary function is email, Gmail filters out 99.9% of spam these days. As far as taking care of the dial up requirement, use their existing box to run pfSense or something (https://www.pfsense.org/), which double as a dns-based ad blocker or even an IDS if you want to get *really* fancy.

    Note: I've never configured pfSense to work with dial up connection. If they share this connection with their phone line (ie have to disconnect / reconnect from the internet often), then I would suggest a MacBook Air with full security settings (only apps from the app store, stealth mode, etc) and a USB RJ-45 phone connector.

  34. Wifi routers with dial-up by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    There are wifi routers with built-in dial-up modems you could use to enable the use of a Chromebook.

    I'd move them to gmail (use forwarding for their old e-mail address if they are attached to it) and if they need offline access to the e-mail just use Google's IMAP.

  35. You could lock down Windows by enjar · · Score: 4, Informative

    My first instinct is to recommend iPad -- I got my parents one and they haven't booted the Windows machine in years, the dial-up aspect of that could be tricky (you would need a router that dials out via modem -- it's doable, but might be more complex and assumes the presence of a mail client on the iPad that talks to the ISP ... hopefully it's POP or IMAP, but without specifics it's hard to know. But if you must use Windows, it's not an impossible situation. You just need to know where the knobs and switches are, and enable them.

    A lot of other modern stuff is going to not work well with the dialup option.

    For the purposes of the discussion, I'm assuming they are on Windows 7. If they aren't on Windows 7, they need to get there, at least. If they are still on XP that just sucks because a lot of the below stuff isn't there.

    Parental controls:
    I have children and have done a fair bit with the parental controls. In this case, instead of the parental controls being used for kids you would be using them for your parents, which also works. To enable the parental controls, you create a username for your parents as a regular (limited) user. This will prevent them from doing a lot of stuff right off the bat, like installing software. You also should make sure that UAC is enabled. You can create a Admin user for yourself. Once you have set that up, you can download the remainder of the controls from https://familysafety.microsoft... , and then control the user account for your parents. You can control what is accessed on the Internet, if they can download stuff, programs they can run, etc.

    You can also do a LOT with Group Policy. Type gpedit.msc at the Run Window and lock down everything you don't want them to change. You can lock down the Desktop, among other things.

    Windows also has the ability to send a Remote Assistance request via email or as a file attachment, which uses Remote Desktop to allow screen access and control. Given that you are going to be doing this over dialup to some other part of the world, you can set your client appropriately to minimize bandwidth utilization by dropping the amount of colors being shipped back, not showing the desktop, etc -- it's all under the "Experience" tab of the Remote Desktop client, and I've successfully used it over some pretty slow connections with decent results -- it will outperform VNC in many areas, especially screen refresh time since you can cut out a lot of the unnecessary stuff.

    If you are going to do the above, get it sorted out on the beginning of your next visit since when you lock stuff down it's not hard to be too tight and stop stuff from working that should actually be working.

    1. Re:You could lock down Windows by dnavid · · Score: 1

      For the purposes of the discussion, I'm assuming they are on Windows 7. If they aren't on Windows 7, they need to get there, at least. If they are still on XP that just sucks because a lot of the below stuff isn't there.

      Something to look at which works for both Windows XP and Windows 7 are software restriction policies, which are a form of whitelisting build into Windows. With Windows 7 Enterprise or Ultimate editions, you can also use Applocker which is a more sophisticated version of software restriction policies. I'm not an expert on SRP or Applocker, but I believe both can be used to lock down a desktop and prevent users from running or somehow causing to run any executables except for the ones you whitelist. That won't prevent all possible malware from infecting the system, but between that and malwarebytes I think that would provide significant protection for this specific use case, and you wouldn't have to retrain the users to switch from Windows to a Linux desktop.

  36. Buy them some stamps and envelopes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    And take the power cable with you the next time you visit.

  37. hopefully your parents had more than 1 kid by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Ask your sister, she might be able to help.

  38. Mac is easiest by redback · · Score: 1

    My suggestion is to go with a Mac, if something goes wrong, there is at least a chance that someone else can fix it.

    If you go with the linux or locked down windows options, they are going to be in trouble if it goes wrong.

  39. Wifi-Dialup Router and Chromebook by captjc · · Score: 4, Informative

    Apparently there are Wireless routers that are designed to connect via dialup (for instance This Router.) With that, I would go with a Chromebook / Chromebox or an iPad.

    Given the constraints, that is probably the best you can get. However, you could probably experiment with an old Win CE Thin Client or an old WebTV and try to get either to work, but neither are particularly great solutions.

    --
    Slow Down Cowboy! It's been 1 hour, 47 minutes since you last successfully posted a comment
    1. Re:Wifi-Dialup Router and Chromebook by Master+Moose · · Score: 1

      Wow, don't know that. It makes my other post potentially redundant.

      --
      . . .gone when the morning comes
  40. Bootable Disc or USB Stick by h4ck7h3p14n37 · · Score: 2

    Send them a bootable disc or USB stick with a Linux or BSD distro on it. They can use a second USB stick for any data they want to retain.

  41. Know your customers by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    My 60 year old mother uses Lubuntu made to resemble windows xp. She is perfectly content and unable to do any damage virus-wise. If she needs something Windows-related, she uses my dad's machine.

    My father insists on Windows and running his user account with admin privileges. He also likes surfing around, clicking on god knows what and carelessly opening every attachment...while refusing anti-virus updates...etc. I use iptable rules on the router to segment the LAN into 2 networks...one network just for him with only WAN/internet access...and then another normal LAN for my mom's linux box and the rest of the house including the WLAN stuff.

    TLDR; Don't try to change the behavior of old farts, just work around them. As for remote support. Give them a linux cd and tell them how to use it when their virus-laden Windows boxes grind to a halt.

  42. Re:Missing Information by isilrion · · Score: 4, Informative

    Oh, good point. I wish I could edit the original post. They use POP3 + SMTP. The ISP runs a Horde+IMP webmail server, but it is a used only as a last resort (too complicated/slow/expensive over dialup). They do need persistent storage, those 15 Mb fill up very quickly. CDs/CD drives last long enough, I'll look into that live-cd solution. I hadn't thought of it. And unfortunately... yes, I'm serious.

  43. Vidalia+TorBrowser by awilden · · Score: 1

    I know it seems off topic but if you had them run Vidalia (autostart on)+TorBrowser, that'd stop a lot of the crap toolbar/plugin stuff that a "normal" browser would allow and I think it also blocks some classes of dangerous downloads.

  44. Argh. by westlake · · Score: 1

    New keyboard. New Problems.

    I think it is a safe bet that the folks back home are running Windows and that is all their local dial-up ISP can reasonably be expected to support.

    Local support is the only answer here.

    Not the once-a-year parachute drop --- and not the trans-oceanic telephone call that has to be scheduled across five or six time zones, perhaps more. There is no joy in that even when it is IT Pro to IT Pro.

  45. Easiest solution... by QuietLagoon · · Score: 1

    You access their email inbox. Anytime your parents receive an email, you print it out and snail-mail the printout to your parents. They then send their reply to you, and you type it in.

    1. Re:Easiest solution... by wisnoskij · · Score: 1

      There should be a service like this!

      --
      Troll is not a replacement for I disagree.
  46. Internal Win Modem by Master+Moose · · Score: 1

    If they are using an internal WinModem, drivers and the ability to access this over linux may be severely limited. I would suggest if their only access point is a good old fashioned screeching modem that they get brought an external one (assuming that they don't already have one)

    --
    . . .gone when the morning comes
  47. Deep Freeze by apraetor · · Score: 3, Informative

    Set the computer up with all the software they'll need, disable any admin access by them, install something akin to Deep Freeze. Every time they reboot things will revert automagically. You can create a small partition for the email app's data folders to serve as a persistant store, or you could just migrate them to simple webmail. GMail can check pop3/imap accounts for you.

    1. Re:Deep Freeze by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      i put Deep Freeze on my Niece's computer when she you a tween because she clicked on everything, and I got tired of re-installing windows.
      make sure you have two drives, the OS which is frozen and the data drive which is not frozen. Every reboot, back to your settings

    2. Re:Deep Freeze by apraetor · · Score: 1

      I used to work for Apple as a Genius, and Deep Freeze was on every demo computer in the store (probably still is). It's a great way to provide instantly-clean systems, and to guarantee that users can try just about anything they want without causing any real damage.

  48. What is the real question you are asking? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    From your description of them.... they really shouldn't be on the internet. What you are describing is a means to allow them to receive messages, but otherwise protect them from themselves. What you want to give them is a restricted terminal.

    Email: Gmail. Have the old ISP forward emails to the Gmail account or have Gmail pull in email. You can also setup fetchmail to serve as an email bridge.

    Firewall: Use a firewall to restrict outbound connections. You can do this by having the machine route all traffic through a proxy you control. Then you can whitelist/blacklist sites/domains to your heart's content.

    Self Re-imaging box: have the machine they use re-image itself periodically to ensure it is virus/trojan/malware free. Have their personal files stored on another device(mounted filesystem/etc.) On box reboot, everything on the OS drive is wiped and brought back to a clean state. A cloud device would be better, but if they have dialup speeds, a local implementation of a reimaging is the best way to go. Maybe a local "cloud storage" and "net-reimage" solution.

  49. Reboot Restore by JEGSYDAU · · Score: 1

    Have you looked into reboot restore, or any of the other tools that re-image the drive on each boot? Someone that works at a School or University could suggest a good one. That way almost all tech support can be solved with "Have you tried turning it off and on again?". I'd also look into a better email service. Using a fairly cheap service such as Fastmail comes with much better Spam protection.

    --
    JEG / SYD / AU
  50. How about by Zanadou · · Score: 2

    How about a Macintosh SE/30 and Cyberdog?

    I'm only half serious.

  51. um... by Charliemopps · · Score: 4, Interesting

    You don't need any of that.
    Get a LiveCD of any os you want. Burn it, you're done.
    You boot to the CD/DVD and its a clean OS every boot. They can't break it because they can't write to it.

    To be really safe, tape the DVD drive shut.

    1. Re:um... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If they're anything like my relatives, they'll remove the tape when it's convenient. A much better solution is to have no drive to begin with and boot from a thumb drive with a read-only switch that you plug straight into the mobo.

    2. Re:um... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Don't tape it shut - you'll need it so you can send an "update OS" when the next rev comes out, or when they want some extra function you hadn't thought of.

      To be REALLY safe, reformat the C drive as a non-bootable storage partition so that the machine CAN NOT boot from anything EXCEPT the CD/DVD. And put NOTHING on it. You then have plenty of local storage (that you can remote into to examine, if you so wish) with as little danger as is feasibly possible.

    3. Re:um... by bobf0648 · · Score: 1

      You don't need any of that. Get a LiveCD of any os you want. Burn it, you're done. You boot to the CD/DVD and its a clean OS every boot. They can't break it because they can't write to it.

      To be really safe, tape the DVD drive shut.

      Exactly what I was thinking. Puppy Linux is easily modified to be just sort a system. Provides dial-up support and is small and fast on older equipment.

  52. Puppy Linux by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I suggest a Puppy Linux booting from Read-Only media. Put the mailstore on a separate, writeable disk.

    http://puppylinux.org/main/Overview%20and%20Getting%20Started.htm

    Every time you boot, it resets the Operating System to a known state.

    I expect other suggestions will be along soon.

  53. Etcha-sketch by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Internet browsing is a bit slow, but it's pretty resilient to viruses and malware.

  54. Re:System updates over dialup are painful/impossib by Nimey · · Score: 1

    Chromebooks don't support dialup to the best of my knowledge. Some models have cellular modems, however, and that might be an option here.

    --
    Hail Eris, full of mischief...

    E pluribus sanguinem
  55. File splitting by drfreak · · Score: 1

    I can't speak to your other questions except the last one. You can get around email size limitations by uuencoding the attachment and splitting it into multiple files and the uudecoding them to merge them back into a single file. Software such as 7-zip will do this too. Back in the modem days it was a very useful tool to break up a file so a couple of failed deliveries wouldn't screw up the whole download. Just request the part you didn't get. I think Usenet still uses it for posting a file in multiple messages. As for email plugins that do this automatically, I don't know but it wouldn't surprise me if they exist.

  56. Setup a machine for instant re-installation by Marrow · · Score: 1

    Setup a hard drive or usb key with a re-installation image so that if they do experience trouble, they can just re-image their machine. All updates and software they need already installed.

    Or you could have the system dual boot. Normal windows boot, but you can have them grub boot into linux and that will give you a pristine platform to log-in and save files/re-image their machine remotely via partition image. You have them boot into linux, and then you can operate on a comatose window partition without interference via ssh.

  57. Deep Freeze by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Seems like a good use case for deep freeze. And you get to stay on windows, though I'm not sure if that's a pro or con.

  58. Re:Missing Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    okay,
    That's what we do to (for?) everyone we're sending to east Africa. Live CD with driver for the GSM modem (we don't do dial-up, but close enough), an "uh oh, the spare CD drive also broke" thumb drive, spare CD drive, and half a dozen CD's with a live image, and if they've been out for more than a few months, mail them new CD's. mail file is on the local drive, and when it boots, if it sees a wideband connection, it barfs a backup back home.

  59. Give them Chrome by 140Mandak262Jamuna · · Score: 1
    Simple. Don't mess with linux. Not for them.

    Also consider the ancient wisdom about giving one a fish or teaching them catch a fish... and spend six months training them to masquerade as Nigerian princes.

    --
    sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
  60. UVNC single click by Karmashock · · Score: 1

    Google it. Takes a bit to set up but its great. Smaller then 1 mb.

    --
    I've decided to stop wasting my time responding to AC trolls/sockpuppets... so if you want a response from me... login.
  61. Re:Missing Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Where is "over there"? I'm having a hard time understanding how they could be so disconnected and yet you can make an annual visit. Does your trip include several weeks of walking through enchanted forests?

  62. Chromebook or "freeze" windows changes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    If it is a separate machine and you can find some way to make it work a chromebook seems perfect. Pretty much immune to viruses because it's a hardened Linux distro booting to a browser basically. They are typically pretty cheap too. Much better option than trying to roll your own version using some customized linux distro.

    If that isn't an option then "freezing" windows seems like the next best option. You can use something commercial like Deep Freeze http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Freeze_%28software%29 or if they are going to be using a new enough version of windows you can get most of the way their with http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/library/gg176676%28WS.10%29.aspx. If you have to use windows you are looking to lock it down enough that it doesn't matter what they do because nothing will be persistent.

  63. An unsolvable problem. by hduff · · Score: 1

    Your parents, their character as you describe it and their unique, unchangeable circumstances present an unsolvable problem given your goals.

    You must let them go and allow them to deal with their own problems on their own time and spending (or wasting) their own money.

    You cannot save, much less help, your parents because their circumstances and behaviors offers you no alternative.

    --
    "I believe in Karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and I assume they deserve it." : Dogbert
    1. Re:An unsolvable problem. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      classic forum reaction:

      you do not have problem X, you have problem Y. Ah, and btw, change parents!

    2. Re:An unsolvable problem. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      classic forum reaction:

      you do not have problem X, you have problem Y or Z. Ah, and btw, change parents!

    3. Re:An unsolvable problem. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I tried to understand why you would even take the time to write that. I failed.

  64. Class? by jodido · · Score: 1

    Can you get them to take a computer class?

  65. Pine by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Linux, lightweight window manager, and pine/alpine. Assuming you can get modem to work.
    If you feel evil, mutt with vi or telnet to mail server.

  66. Where are they from? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Where are they from? Where is only E-Mail access possible nowadays?

  67. Re:Missing Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    It sounds to me like a made up scenario, just to be a pain in the ass on /.

  68. Another Important Thought! by flyneye · · Score: 1

    If you buy it here, and ship it there. Do be careful to either provide an appropriate electrical plug for the country you are shipping to. Good ol' 60 cycle 110 isn't spoken everywhere. Further, the poles and holes may not line up for comfortable penetration to interface this power.
    Maybe E-Bay an appropriate power supply for a box or provide an adapter for a laptop....carry on.

    --
    *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
    1. Re:Another Important Thought! by flyneye · · Score: 1

      Bad form to reply to my own post, but it also occurred to me that the phone plugs may differ as well, Think about that when picking up a modem.

      --
      *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
    2. Re:Another Important Thought! by Noah+Haders · · Score: 1

      Further, the poles and holes may not line up for comfortable penetration

      it's like a bad orgy

    3. Re:Another Important Thought! by tehcyder · · Score: 1
      Q: What was the worst orgy you ever went to like?

      A: Fantastic.

      --
      To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
    4. Re: Another Important Thought! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Did it occur to you also that this guy goes there YEARLY. I'm pretty sure he knows these things about that country in question by now. :)

    5. Re: Another Important Thought! by flyneye · · Score: 1

      And can forget them just as easily.

      --
      *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
  69. DIY Solutions To Each Question by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    What happened to Slashdot? Most of the replies are saying to buy something new and completely screw with the illiterate's UI, That's a complete no-no. No wonder the UI/UX of the past decade has completely failed. Stop forcing your view of the [computer] world on everyone else. Most people don't like relearning a different way to do the same task when the current way already works, no matter if the newer way is better or not. Most progress happens at generational boundaries, not by teaching 'older' people new tricks. Here are better solutions. If you can't code up the small utilities yourself, find one of the 'hire a programmer' websites and get someone to build them for you.

    1) Linux, Mac, or Windows. It doesn't matter that much. If Linux, install a Windows based theme and don't give them admin access. If Windows, buy some software that resets their PC on every restart (there's Linux software too) and make sure the computer is set to shutdown and not simply sleep or hibernate. I don't have enough Mac experience to advise you on any Mac solutions. On both OSes, turn off auto-run. Do they play DVDs? If so, make a script that launches the DVD player software and teach them to click that.

    2) Remove their write permissions to their Desktop folder. Put the shortcuts where you want them, then remove permissions to delete them and remove write permissions to the file that says where they're located. That way your users won't be able to accidentally move them and get confused. It's easier to do this on Linux than Windows. Create a few folders for them to access (or use the default Pictures, Documents, Music, etc...) and remove write and view permissions for the users from everything else. Now they will only be able to save files in a few locations and won't be able to see anything else. You will control the user account that can modify these files.

    3) Most desktop email clients have plug-in/addons/extensions and most of them have rule based filters. Create a filter that moves any of your special emails to a specific folder. Have a background task/service/cron job/etc... watching the location on the file system where those emails get stored. Once it detects a change, it runs some program that scans the emails and does whatever the email wants it to do. If they have to access the email from a website, create a GreaseMonkey script or similar and download then check the data that way.

    4) Send attachments as broken up zip/7z/rar files. Use your special email filter and program to recombine them. zip/7z/rar all natively support split archives. Alternatively you could mail them CDs, DVDs, USB sticks, etc... with whatever updates and new software you want them to install. Since auto-play is turned off, you can have an "Update from Danny's Disk" that runs whatever installation script you have and stores that the update was run (The illiterate users will probably try to run one of the updates multiple times and out of order, so prevent that if it could case problems). Another way to get around the 15MB limit is to use an online filehosting servers (there are tons of them) and only email them the link to the files. In that case, you might want to set them up with a download accelerator (remember those?) as you don't want them to have to restart larger downloads when the connection goes down or if the ISP hiccups on the larder than normal file.

    Instead of emailing them commands, you can contact them and agree to both be online at the same time. Then you can remote in and do whatever you need to do in terms of modifying their system files. Command line access works fine over dial-up (even faster than email).

    Finally, create everything in a virtual machine first. That way you can test any changes/scripts prior to sending it to them. You don't want to accidentally mess something up.

  70. Live CD? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Since they are on dial-up, speed is probably not an issue. I would get a good linux distribution that supports a "live CD". I believe there is software out there that can create a "live CD" out of Windows XP as well.

    Running the OS off of a CD is quite a bit slower than a hard drive but is virtually impervious to most viruses as the virus can not write itself to read-only media. They can still get viruses on the hard drive and resident memory by downloading and running stuff, but the virus can not make itself permanent by changing anything on the OS CD. The next time they turn the computer off or reboot, the virus goes away (until they run the downloaded infected program again). However, it could encrypt/ransomware the hard drive if there are any family pictures on it that they want (I would keep such things on a thumb drive).

  71. Chromebook by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    /thread

  72. Android tablet by flyingfsck · · Score: 1

    I have given an Android tablet to my mother in law (an old farmer in a remote region). It works like a charm. No problems.

    --
    Excuse me, but please get off my Pennisetum Clandestinum, eh!
  73. I am a toilet bowl by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Fuck me with a spoon.

  74. Sorry, but... by hyades1 · · Score: 1

    Your problem is one of social engineering, not hardware or software. It's almost impossible to "idiot-proof" any kind of technology if the people using it absolutely refuse to learn. Sadly, this seems to be your problem.

    Until your relatives can be persuaded that the device in their house can take their identities, their life savings and perhaps even their children, they'll just keep going merrily along, trusting other people to clean up after them.

    --
    I've calculated my velocity with such exquisite precision that I have no idea where I am.
    1. Re:Sorry, but... by Antique+Geekmeister · · Score: 1

      It's often difficult to solve the "social engineering" problem if they're overwhelmed by immediate issues. Reducing the first problem to manageable levels helps establish confidence in your advice, and helps provide time for the retraining. And there's often a lot of "low hanging fruit", relatively simple changes that will help a great deal.

      The "we can't fix the whole problem, so we'll just ignore you" approach is one that's all too common among frustrated support personnel. Their frustration is understandable, but doesn't actually help the people who pay their salaries. I've spent quite a lot of time with such personnel helping them get those "low hanging fruit" in place so that they can concentrate better on the remaining issues.

  75. Technology not the only problem by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The OP had stated that his parents are just as likely to send off their details to a nigerian prince as they were to click on things they shouldn't. The solution here isn't just about getting them a more secured device, you need to somehow get between their mail and their computer and do some filtering. If they don't get the spam in the first place, they can't send their personal details all over the world (or shouldn't in any case).

  76. Did you say dialup? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You can only teach a person how to use a computer if they are willing to learn. If they just want everything to be extremely simple, then treat them like children.
    Personally, you may want to seek getting them a chromebook, it will just be a slight learning curve for them, but should allow them to do pretty much everything they need to do.
    a good 90% of the time average people spend on the computer is spent within a browser window. the other 10% is games, or desktop software.

    I suspect they are the type of people that are afraid of breaking something.

    Get them off of their ISP's crappy e-mail. Get them some Gmail Goodness. Those file restrictions are limited to that provider.
    Maybe Dropbox?

    Did you say dialup?..... *flips a table* I give up. 28.8K - 56K isn't internet, it's a crime against humanity. A T1 isn't even sufficient for modern computer bandwidth needs.

    Stick to Snail-Mail.

  77. Use txt and mm messaging on a mobile phone. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The user scenario you describe is hopeless. Don't waste your time. Get them a mobile phone and use txt and multimedia messaging

  78. Or You know... DOS. by CrashNBrn · · Score: 1

    Or if all they can actually do is email. DOS.
    Until 1998 I ran DOS 6.2, DOSPPP (for dialup) and I don't remember what program I had for email. Along with NCSA Telnet. I think I used a TSR ("terminate and stay resident") - may of been required to launch DOSPPP.

    Those "windows.exe viruses" wont get very far in a 16 bit environment.

    1. Re:Or You know... DOS. by uncle+slacky · · Score: 1

      They could also run Arachne as a graphical browser: http://www.glennmcc.org/

      --
      Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it.
  79. Addenum: also DOS SLIP. by CrashNBrn · · Score: 1

    There was also DOS SLIP. One of those should be able to connect to a dial-up account.

  80. The obvious solution by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They are computer-illiterate, click on everything they receive, and take delight on sending their information to any Nigerian prince that contacts them, "just in case this one is true".

    I'm sorry to say this, but you seem to be oblivious to the facts. They are too ignorant to have a computer. Pack it up and take it away from them OR insist that they learn how to use it. That they send information to 419 scammers suggests to me that they may just be too dumb or senile to function - to a degree so severe that it may not be safe to leave them alone. Perhaps they need an assisted living facility?

  81. What year is it? by dimethylxanthine · · Score: 1

    Thought it was 1997 for a minute...

  82. Ubuntu + Gnome2 by Shompol · · Score: 1
    Ubuntu with Gnome2 worked for my computer-challenged familty members for years.

    - No annoying pop-ups that normally plague Windows.

    - No trojans and self-installing crap to speak of

    - Adblock? (or his stricter brother Noscript)

    - I still grant admin access because there are some cases where a simple command needs to be run

    - Remote SSH admin access can be routed through any unblocked port

  83. Chromebook with Chrome Remote Desktop by jeek · · Score: 1

    The meaningful content is entirely in the subject.

    --
    If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be respected, sit down and shut up.
  84. Windows Option? by lionchild · · Score: 1

    I know you're very keen on the idea of moving away from Windows. However, it seems like your family may at least be used to that version or installation of it. As a result, you may be causing more trouble than you want by giving them a new interface that's more foreign than what they have now.

    Therefore, I might suggest a $45 option to "harden" a Windows installation: Faronics: Deep Freeze. (http://www.faronics.com/products/deep-freeze/standard/)

    This program will let you get their existing PC setup in that perfect state you want it in, then 'freeze' it in place. If they get a virus, spyware, malware, etc.. The solution is simple: Reboot. Upon rebooting, the PC -always- reverts to the state you froze it in. Their document storage space they can read/write and things stay there, but if a program is installed, *poof* it's gone.

    While it might not be a perfect solution for you, you'll be able to make a yearly trip to do updates, or use 'normal' PC remote control methods to run updates and re-Freeze the system.

    At any rate, something to consider.

    Good luck, either way!

    --
    Awk! Pieces of eight. Pieces of eight. Pieces of seven... ERROR: General Protection Fault. [Paroty Error.]
  85. I'm sure it's been said before.... by felixrising · · Score: 1

    1. Install Ubuntu 2. Setup only the applications they need in the task bar. 3. Install teamviewer host and or just enable openssh with dyndns for location. 4. ??? 5. Profit!!! I've had this set-up for my mother for 4 years now. She had Windows beforehand, but it kept committing suicide and was a much easier target for would-be malicious agents (yeah, she gets her fair share of "Microsoft support" calls offering to fix her computer - she knows how to respond these days). It's just rock solid, runs a web browser (gmail, facebook, google searches) and it runs skype too.. she doesn't need anything more than that.... and it keeps her support requirements very low. I just do a system check whenever I see her and it's always just happy as larry.

  86. Get a Raspberry pi by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    A Raspberry pi is an inexpensive solution to most of what you suggest.
    Run the Raspbian distro of linux (or Pidora).
    You could give them a noobs SD card and allow them to have an XBMC style media player as an added extra.

  87. To some extent by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    I tried exactly what you describe at home with PcLinuxOs

    It works to some extent, however some settings (like static ip network settings) will not save to the live cd...
    then you find some website that wont work with your version of firefox, or skype decides it must be updated, and you have to do the whole thing again

    Wioski is another windows based option.

  88. Oh I know where they live by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    in the 90s

  89. tunnel TCP/IP in mails by xming · · Score: 1

    Use some livecCD or Alpine Linux to create your own CD, and tunnel IP in mails for the fun :D If the latency is less than the TCP time-out you might even get a decent ssh connection.

    http://packetstormsecurity.com...

  90. What do they need a computer for? by m.alessandrini · · Score: 1

    Really, from what you say they're so "illiterate" that putting them in front of a computer can only get damages. If their only need is e-mail, maybe they should use other forms of messaging, even SMS could be better. Otherwise, give them a computer with a very limited interface, email only, like e.g. those kiosks in the shops that allow you to print your photos.

  91. LiveCD by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Your best bet might be to use a LiveCD (or a LiveCD distribution on a SD card with the read-only tab set - if you're concerned about them removing it, attach a card reader internally). Set up a hard drive partition for their data. Then whatever they do to your config or whatever spyware crap they manage to install disappears next boot. As for the DE you might want to look at KDE as you could use the Kiosk functionality to lock their desktop down. For troubleshooting, not sure if their ISP would block outgoing ports but if not you could run ssh, firewall everything else and have an icon on their desktop that puts up a big window containing their IP address. Then you can talk to them on the phone, get the IP address and ssh in. But to be honest if you're running a LiveCD type setup there shouldn't be much troubleshooting except for "switch off and on again".

  92. Why not use another medium by ma11achy · · Score: 1

    I see this as an issue with the environment they're using. Currently - the way they are trying to communicate has *way* too many barriers and risks.
    In my opinion, the risks outweigh the limited benefits that their "ISP" provides.

    So....write a letter. Communicate over snail mail. No viruses, no Nigerian princes trying to dupe your relations out of their posessions.
    This of course, is assuming that regular snail mail is not also blocked.

    --
    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
  93. Chromebook. Problem solved. by Qbertino · · Score: 1

    That's easy: Chromebook.

    Looks flashy, neat little apps, apple style all around but without the premium costs, impervious to any malware not sanctioned by Google, starts in seconds and they'd have to put in a real expert effort to screw things up. And no hard feelings about having Google take care of them, since all Princes of Nigeria allready have their contacts, so this Problem can't get any worse anyway.

    Set up their account and put the access data in an envelope for them and keep them handy for your self, so you can log on their account and clean up if things get messy or they want something deleted and are to overwelmed to handle it.

    Unless, of course, their connection is too flaky for Chrome OS to be useful. Then you're screwed. Fiddling with custom Linux and all that stuff you mentioned would be to much of a hassle IMHO.

    --
    We suffer more in our imagination than in reality. - Seneca
  94. fetchmail + procmail by fisted · · Score: 1

    A good solution to the remote-admin by email are fetchmail and procmail. Plus, i know it's out of fashion, but a working MTA, if you care about the box replying.

  95. Re:Missing Information by OolimPhon · · Score: 1

    Not such a funny idea. It could be somewhere like this place. This is truly remote, with only a ship every three months or so to bring supplies. NO airstrip, not on the slopes of a dormant volcano.

  96. Fugedaboutit by GrantRobertson · · Score: 0

    Get yourself a box. In it place a couple reams of notebook paper, a bunch of pens, envelopes, and stamps. Then ship that to them. Tell these people that if they can't learn to be responsible then you are not going to jump through hoops to make up the difference. Just because you know computers does NOT mean you are responsible for lazy-dipshit-proofing every computer owned by a lazy, irresponsible family member.

  97. Webconverger by JamieKitson · · Score: 1

    Webconverger sounds like exactly what you are looking for. An OS the boots straight into the browser. It has the added benefit of the option of either a hard drive install or a live CD, meaning that nothing would remain on the system after a reboot.

  98. Find another external service, dont be cheap? by danknight48 · · Score: 1

    there is no option of changing ISP. messages no larger than 1MB nor hold more than 15MB (no hope of changing that either)

    Why? For whatever service they provide overseas, find someone else and pay them more for a "professional service".
    Clearly there is no "proper" solution for your listed issues, its an internal problem that your trying to fix on the cheap. It wont happen.

    Some kind of linux distro, or maybe even mac. Most viruses over there are windows only and propagate via Autorun.inf or by email attachments, not having Windows could prevent both.

    Debian

    Some desktop environment that hides anything unrelated to connecting to the net and accessing their account

    LXDE, and, you'll need to create user accounts to your own specs.

    some kind of extension to the email client that executes commands on specially formatted emails (e.g., signed with my private key), so that I can do some basic diagnostics or install extra software if I have to.

    Teach them how to copy and paste into the terminal

    Another very useful extension would be something to automatically re-assemble attachments split into several emails, to overcome the 1MB message limit.

    Winrar, 7Zip.

    If you want to play it cheap and to your own specs, you'll need to research, plan and implement everything yourself. If not, pay for better staff or get a professional to do it.

    1. Re:Find another external service, dont be cheap? by Blaskowicz · · Score: 1

      Yay for LXDE, and debian has similar qualities for being relatively simple, well known and understood.
      Comes with Firefox ESR by default (iceweasel) which is better suited as a less often updated browser than the regular one.. though the situation might be so dire you should maybe use lynx and dillo.

      I don't use mail clients but I would think of trying claws-mail first (hell my main webmail, a very major and well known one always had doing that as a pay option I believe, though there are wrappers/plugins/scripts for mail clients to download the mail anyway)

    2. Re:Find another external service, dont be cheap? by Blaskowicz · · Score: 1

      Also with a "real OS" the PC would not be necessarily wasted as a mail-only device. Have vlc and xpdf at least (need to install alsa-base alsa-utils and alsamixergui too) so now the PC can at least play CD, DVD, video and music from USB without jack all a chance of infection. I like the deadbeef audio player too if people can be assed to use it and make playlists.

  99. Old Mac by Richard+Kirk · · Score: 2

    I gave my mum (95) an old PowerPC laptop I got for the price of buying a replacement power supply. It is running a version of OS that probably is no longer updated, but turning off automatic updates doesn't hurt.. I have also stuck on an Applesript that e-mails me when the machine powers up, which she does every morning to let me know she is OK. She is probably a bit less click-happy then your users.

  100. It doesn't look like it by Chrisq · · Score: 1

    looking on google some people have reported success with 3g/4g USB dongles (mobile internet) bit not with a dial-up phone modem. If you have one to try it might work, but it is so unusual now that there is a big chance drivers won't be included.

  101. Linux and Team Viewer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I recommend you give them a Linux box and then support them using Team Viewer. Works for me with elderly people I support.

  102. Corkscrew for SSH by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Use Corkscrew to get a reverse-SSH connection tunneled over HTTP/HTTPS. It's ugly, but it gest round almost all firewall issues.

  103. FreeBSD Terminal by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    On another note: where do they live that they don't have access to slightly higher-speed 3G internet? I've travelled through third world countries, and cell-phone-internet seems to be almost omnipresent in some form or another.

    The cellphone provider there (only one, uggh) just recently began selling email access (just to their own pop servers), over 2G, I think, at about $1/Mb. No mobile internet. Roaming from another provider can cost up to $20/Mb. That's why I'm focusing on working with what they have.

    In your situation it might be easier to set-up a locked down FreeBSD terminal which automatically, on a schedule, connects to their email provider to retrieve any new messages. Keep the FreeBSD terminal in text-only mode and give your relatives access to mutt (email) and if their provider allows web browsing, give them access to elinks. You could install FreeBSD on one of those silent-running small-footprint devices with a serial port and use their existing monitor and keyboard; attach the "computer" to the monitor...this works best with a flat panel monitor.

  104. FreeBSD Terminal by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Oh, I forgot about remote support. Install OpenSSH server and enable public-private keypair with passphrase so you can easily connect to their computer when it is on-line. A service to update their dynamic IP address to a host name for ease of use would complete the requirements for remote support.

  105. Live Boot by BlackHawk-666 · · Score: 1

    Give them a live boot disk of Ubuntu or whatever Linux you prefer - wipe their hard drive clean and leave it that way. Lock it down and switch off updates. Give them one or more USB keys to save their data (if they have any). You could I suppose give them a locked USB key that is read only. Put your customised desktop stuff on there for them - you know, a home directory, icons, etc. If they ever mess up bad get them to boot from the Live CD with the read-only key in the drive - step them through copying that onto their trashed key. Go from there.

    People like this will never learn, best you can do is lock them down to a given distribution and plan for the day they somehow mess it up.

    --
    All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
  106. Wrong place to ask. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    People over here will suggest your relatives learn Lisp.

    The Linux desktop is a reality and has been at work at my home since '99. I provide support and so things work reasonably well.

    But the ideal solution would be to have GUIs tuned to the user. Windows manages to achieve such things by using the Least Common Denominator: non-technical simpletons... Macs OTOH have a better polished interface and actually can make non-technical people more productive. Linux does a similar error to the Windows one, by catering only to users with greater technical prowess.

    At home, I have been forced to:

    a) provide simplified apps for general users: RPN calculator for me, conventional for most;
    b) simplifying user interface: many desktop icons for me, only Firefox and Chrome to my son (he was moving icons from desktop to panel!);
    c) blocking the notebook keyboard (xinput) because of the cat which loves to sleep on it (mine fell once taking many keys with it, so I finally closed the lid);
    d) tuning apps according to age for some users, like GCompris.

    I'm also considering a computer for my elders (~ 80 years old) for use with Skype or Hangouts or whatever... but they're not only illiterate: they hate computers!
    Thus I am at loss about what to do... they could use some serious "information hiding" even in apps, so it's not just a desktop problem.

    Maybe it's time we have simplified versions of Libre/Openoffice -- which more or less Android provides with the thousands of available apps. Actually, considering what Linus said about Subsurface at his last Q&A, maybe we are past the distribution phase...

    Maybe it's time to start having application stores available themselves to the main distributions, like Google's Play Store or F-Droid.

  107. Kiosk? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Well you might waste your time re-inventing the hot water, but if you prefer simple out of the box solution for me it sounds like you need some kiosk targeted Linux distro. There are many and all of them work fine. Here is a quick example: http://www.linutop.com/software.en.html

  108. Linux + VM? by jandersen · · Score: 1

    I would recommend Linux- perhaps Ubuntu - certainly if they have no previous experience that has clouded their minds to believe that Windows is the only possible choice. If they must have Windows, I would suggest that you install Linux + a VM with Windows in it, and configure it to log in and start the VM automatically. The reason being that you can then create a backup copy of the Windows disk and leave it somewhere on the Linux disk. This is for when Windows inevitably gets so infected that it doesn't work, at which point you shut the VM down and restore it to its original, freshly installed state.

    (hmm, come to think of it - would it work? I have never actually done it; there may be problems with the activation code or something)

  109. Don't Even Bother.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Unless they're going to change their habits (LOL, Yeah righ!) anything you do is pretty much a waste of time.

    I have extensive family and stopped giving free tech support decades ago. Unless they pay for the support and the cost puts VALUE in their head over a computer being clean, they're not going to be willing to change their personal habits.

  110. I have the same scenario. Solved with ssh server. by Erikderzweite · · Score: 1

    Having computer illiterate relatives myself, I have created a few simple scripts and use SSH port forwarding.

    Each relative's computer gets a unique port (yes, the system is not really scalable) and connects on network start to my server. This is done via a script in Networkmanager's dispatcher.d. I simply have to connect to my server using SSH with a specific port to get into the relative's PC. Also there is port forwarding for VNC for the cases where a console isn't enough. Should work with any kind of firewall. The system relies on keys, not passwords so it should be relatively safe. There is single point of failure though, but all the keys are backed up and setting a new SSH server in case the old one is broken is a trivial task.

    And for the cases when something is really broken, there's a LiveCD created for the sole purpose of connecting to my server and giving me a reverse port so I can chroot into a broken system or simply try and safe what's left on the hard disk. The LiveCD starts without asking the user *anything* and has all the Wi-Fi keys. Every relative gets a copy.

    The relatives in question live in other towns and even in other countries. So it's crucial that nothing gets broken. Therefore the relatives use LTS versions only. Have switched from Ubuntu to Mint some time ago because of a more familiar interface. Other reason for LTS is that I won't risk upgrading the whole system when I am some thousands kilometres away.

    The relatives must be willing to use Linux and to accept that I have full control over their PCs. In my case the choice I gave was "Linux or do it yourself". And they appreciate that I can solve their problems without having them to do anything.

  111. Re:System updates over dialup are painful/impossib by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Chromebooks assume you'll be using the web for everything and have no native apps, even if some work in "offline mode." A distro like openSUSE supports old school software installation out of the box (i.e. off a DVD or even a very large stack of floppies). This ability has saved my butt from time to time. It is possible to maintain an update list and just always have a copy of the latest on your disk that you burn and bring. You could do something like this with Debian, mirror the repos at home and bring a burned disc or external hard disk every time you visit to keep things up to date. But honestly, any Linux distro will be pretty safe from viruses and such. A good email filtering daemon or native email client ruleset will prevent most scams from getting through.

  112. Re:Missing Information by azander · · Score: 1

    I live in a State that has a lot of dialup still. Yes, in the good ol' US of A there are places that still only have dialup.

    My solution was a linux box, running gnome (you could use unity) and claws-mail. Then in claws-mail I set up a Filter that would execute an external script based on certain criteria. This would do what you want. With your yearly visits, you could do the system upgrades and other maintenance. Just turn off any auto-updates the distribution may have.

  113. Wait.. by ThatsDrDangerToYou · · Score: 1

    The Nigerian thing is fake? Damn, I've been waiting on those funds!!!

  114. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  115. iPad by evanthx · · Score: 1

    Change your thinking. I got my mom an apple wireless router and an iPad. All my tech support issues went away, and she loves it. Its easier for her to use and with a keyboard does email just fine. These days if you just want email a PC is no longer the best solution.

  116. LiveBoot CD? by azander · · Score: 1

    Why not make a live boot CD that will reinstall the system for them.

    I have used SuSeStudio to do that for remote managed server installs. First you create what you need in the studio, then make a installer disk from it, and then when they boot with that CD/USB it re-installs the OS for them, to exactly what you created. That way if they really, really, make a mess of things you can take them back to a clean slate. Also if you partition the drives properly, the same re-installer can leave their data intact (not wise in this case) while repairing any other damage. I would have it dump the homedir, but not the mailstore in this particular case. That way any damage will be gone, any infections will be neutralized and they will still have their old email (again maybe not so wise in this case).

    You can use Studio to pre-install the modem drivers too. The only downside is that you will lose any updates each time they step back. You cuold get around this by creating a new version each year before you visit and just change it out each time. It might actually be easier if the choices for faster internet are not available, to reinstall from that new CD/USB each year when you get there. Show up, quick fix w/built in upgrades, enjoy the rest of the visit.
    Az

  117. medium tech and low tech solutions by swschrad · · Score: 1

    medium tech: an Etch-A-Sketch.

    low tech: a legal pad.

    if they're clicking everything that crawls over the door or chews through the wall, they should not have a computer at all. before long, they won't have a space left under the nearby bridge either, weasels will take that also.

    --
    if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
  118. LUbuntu by dkman · · Score: 1

    Take a look a LUbuntu. Load it into a VM and play around with it. It's familiar enough that Windows users can function well enough. It's based on Ubuntu (obviously) so it runs .deb files. You can harden it to suit your needs. You can google for what you don't know. If you do go the LiveCD route that works as well. If you choose not to have it do updates due to the slow connection, you could just wait until the next release and send a new disc.

    --
    I refuse to sign
    1. Re:LUbuntu by vandamme · · Score: 1

      Zorin has the Windows look. Just be sure to use their old wallpaper and put the icons in the "right" spot, and change the menu icon to a windows one. Tell them that you're "upgrading their Windows".

  119. Windows 7 + user-level access? by axl917 · · Score: 1

    They won't be able to install a thing with a non-admin account.

  120. E-Mail size limits not an issue by jraff2 · · Score: 1

    Use Whale Mail or something similar. http://www.sharefile.com/ Or one can sign up with ANY hosting provider, They all proide GigaBytes of storage. Just send a link to the file and let them download it at their leisure, and it won't clog up their E-Mail box with huge files.

  121. Re:Missing Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I tried running from a live CD for over a year.

    I found that the CD stopped wroking reliably after several months.

    The problem is that the CD-drive operates above the maximum storage temperature of the media (about 32C)

  122. Plain old DOS by grahamwest · · Score: 1

    Build them a small form factor PC. Don't connect the USB ports and don't provide an optical drive. Install FreeDOS, a basic dialup TCP/IP stack, an email client and a web browser. I'd also set it up to decompress and restore everything from a read-only partition every single time they boot, ideally before processing config files. If there isn't already a way to do this, FreeDOS does have source available, so you could modify that.

    Notes on DOS email and web clients:
    http://www.tokyopc.org/newslet...
    http://www.compmiscellanea.com...

    --
    Graham
  123. Virtual Box's by JohNNy1+4 · · Score: 1

    Virtual PC's, Take a snapshot, then restore when everything goes to hell, 1. Terminal for illiterate 'Puter User 2. Server\Workstation Hosting Virtual PC's 3. Firewall-ed internal NAT 3. Admin Access only to Hosting PC 4. Snapshots created 5. Snapshots restored after virus Optional Options 6. Nigerian Prince Moves In with relatives 7. 30 day eviction notice to the Prince 8. Cry after Nigerian Prince Claims Squatters Rights 9. Move to Nigeria with hopes of interweb clicks 10. Become Lord of the Nigerian Prince Gang Ring 11. Restore to snap shot and get rid of mouse.

  124. Re:Missing Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Dude, it could be a cabin in the Rocky Mountains in the US based on that description, or any similarly remote location a few miles from a highway. It's possible that satellite or point-to-point ISPs are available, but they are horridly expensive especially for someone whose usage doesn't warrant an always on connection.

  125. WebTV by mattack2 · · Score: 1

    Geez, sounds like they'd be perfect for WebTV!

  126. Knoppix Linux on an old Dell PC worked for me by paj1234 · · Score: 1

    This is what I did for my customer who wanted to use only email with no attachments via dial-up.

    1. I started with a Knoppix 3.3 Live CD and an old Dell Dimension PC. I installed an Intel 536EP PCI dial-up modem card.
    2. In Knoppix, I ran the script to install Knoppix to the hard disk. I chose KDE as the desktop environment.
    3. Running Knoppix from hard disk, I downloaded, compiled and installed the Intel536-4.68 kernel driver.
    4. Set up KPPP to access the dial-up Internet Service Provider.
    5. Set up KMail to access the ISP's POP3 mail server and SMTP outgoing mail server.
    6. Checked that the Konqueror web browser/file manager was able to access basic websites.
    7. Installed an Epson C62 printer in the CUPS printer manager, which is accessed with Konqueror, using the URL http://localhost:631/
    8. In CUPS printer manager, for the Epson C62 I chose Set Printer Options and Color Model: Greyscale.

    An alternative to the Intel 536EP PCI card is a standard 56k serial modem, nice to have lights to look at while it is working. This lasted for 7 years with no problems, until replaced because the customer decided to do something else.

  127. Re: Missing Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Maybe Cuba?

  128. Re:System updates over dialup are painful/impossib by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    We've recently added a Chromebook to our family and this has revealed to us how flaky our internet connection is, something we never noticed with half a dozen other computers/tablets/etc in the house. The Chromebook really depends on being connected to reliable broadband, even for features which are supposed to work "offline" - our connection is fine for surfing and streaming but it seems it momentarily drops out every so often, for some reason (I'm still investigating) and that keeps the Chromebook pretty much grinding to a halt when you're trying to use Docs or anything beyond the basics.

    So yeah, I'd strongly recommend Chromebooks for situations like this, but not with dialup...

  129. These machines may do the trick! by KMSROX · · Score: 1

    Telikin
    http://www.telikin.com/

    A Plus Senior Computer
    http://aplusseniorcomputer.com...

    They are worth checking out.

    --
    My goal is to learn at least one new thing before going to sleep and to wake up after each sleep cycle.
  130. Pop mail by trigggl · · Score: 1

    So the size of messages using pop mail is limited?

    --
    Ops, I shuld have usd the prevuwe but in.
  131. I might try freezing their OS by FreedomFirstThenPeac · · Score: 1

    Bootable, non-writable CD, schedule computer to shut off every night at 2AM, forcing a daily reboot from said hardened safe CD OS. Leave one or two copies outside the computer where you can tell them to look if they phone and say they had to throw out the one they had been using.

    --
    "There is no god but allah" - well, they got it half right.