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Corporation Investigates Spurious Signal -- What They Found Will Shock You
Mother_01101 writes:
The Weyland-Yutani Corporation announced today one of the most fantastic discoveries in human existence: alien life! Colony LV-426 made first contact, and one of W-Y Corp's long-term research vessels, Nostromo, has gone to provide assistance and bring these life forms home to engage in peaceful learning and negotiation. Initial reports from Nostromo indicate all has gone well, though they're now under radio silence for security purposes. W-Y Corp says they will, of course, honor all quarantine procedures and do everything they can to make sure the transition goes smoothly. Their CEO reminded us: "Safety is paramount!"
Even though its April 1st... This is not funny.
There is a difference between an april fools joke and shitty fan fiction. Just FYI.
Just so very, very weak. It pains me to say this, but the ponies thing from a few years back was funnier. Ouch.
... the least funny April 1st post I've ever seen.
The "OMG Ponies!" day was the best, but I'm liking the posts so far and found this amusing. If you don't like it, go read something else. It's not an easy task to build a full day's stream of funny.
I'm too lazy to compose a creative sig.
When someone submits an article here, doesn't it have to be approved by someone? This is not news and it's pathetic.
Some things need to be said...
That is all.
--- The American Way of Life is not a birthright. Hell, it's not even sustainable.
off
Cmon slashdot, you want clicks that bad? Next one will be : Small girl makes friends with real robot ai, a talking lion and scarecrow, what she learns next will get you wet
Some year, and obviously it's not this one, these stupid wastes of time finally come to an end...
These stupid things used to just make me cringe at their lameness, now I'm actually getting annoyed
Not the post, but the clickbait title. I mean, c'mon, can't we have a proper headline anymore?! When extraterrestrials really are discovered I want to read "ALIENS DISCOVERED!," in all caps (and imagine it spoken in a 1940s-newsreel voice), not this ridiculous "click me to read the thing I could have just told you right now, but didn't" crap!
"[Regarding the 'cloud,'] ownership was what made America different than Russia." -- Woz
The key to a good April Fool's is subtlety. Nobody will laugh if it's obviously fake, or at least, not constructed with some kind of decent forethought.
this is the most accurate story on Slashdot in months. So very sad
ha ha can't fool me, I didn't click.
oh, wait...
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
They just contacted some people who still believe Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. They are really from another planet.
sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
One! Okay? You guys get one of those stupid ass non stories. Choose wisely.
And happy "The Internet is completely useless Day" everyone.
you guys saved me from posting something about getting hired by Academi or something. I'm just posting your story.
Time to grow up. You aren't a child anymore and can be charged as an adult. Enough with the childish 1 April stories.
I thought it was 20th Century Fox. *shrug*
They're here!!! *grabs tin hat*
The FBI really needs to look in to this.
Was the signal actually spurious? I can't remember the plot so clearly, but I thought the company android (John Hurt) said it appeared to be a "distress signal" but then it turned out it was actually a warning. But it wasn't spurious, was it? Hurt's character was lying, but the signal was real.
SPURIOUS: not being what it purports to be; false or fake.
"separating authentic and spurious claims"
synonyms: bogus, fake, false, counterfeit, forged, fraudulent, sham, artificial, imitation, simulated, feigned, deceptive, misleading, specious; More
antonyms: genuine
(of a line of reasoning) apparently but not actually valid.
"this spurious reasoning results in nonsense"
Very amusing. sensiblechuckle.gif
That is a sad state of affairs when they can't simply announce "ALIEN LIFE FOUND!", but instead have to go with the obnoxious "What they found will shock you."
excitingthingstodo.blogspot.com
Is it "Don't read slashdot" day already? This year is going by fast.
If you are not allowed to question your government then the government has answered your question.
Please stop with these pathetic April 1st stories, they're painfully unfunny, and just reinforce the popular notion that nerds are joyless, sexless, boring retards.
The truth is that this is not a joke. The aliens are playing an April Fools joke upon us all, by manipulating us to release the news of their existence in the least plausible [and thus least-frightening] manner.
GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!
"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different." ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jnr.
...today is the day to not bother reading Slashdot.
Dark Reflection
no article either, the link is info link not article link.
world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
If you're going to make a Star*-themed April 1st, that's fine by me, but at least try to get some sense of chronology.
I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of killer sig, which this margin is too narrow to contain.
Take off and nuke the site from orbit, its the only way to be sure
The ponies were GREAT! OMG, bring back the ponies! I bet even these lame attempts at humor (because I can't actually call them attempts at April Fools) would look much better under a ponies theme!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Polar Scope Align for iOS
Now that's funny.
Is this the one without Jones? Or with Jones?
So, sadly...no need for invasion....we'll just be giving ourselves away in the end. SO, be prepared to become an incubating unit web-wrapped to a wall nearby to your home.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
And we have the primary reason why I detest 4/1: All the web sites and bloggers who think they're funny enough to pull off April Fool's Day jokes, when they're not even close.
And the biggest sinner in this regard for years has been this site.
Serious question: Why does /. even bother? Do the people responsible for this practice think anyone finds it funny or in any way enjoys it? Is it out of some misguided attempt to establish a "weird for the sake of weird" tradition? I'm honestly puzzled as to why a site like this would expend the effort to make themselves sound like a bunch of clueless dweebs.
Oh, be nice! They poked fun at themselves with the clickbait headline, gently kidded the British about their stiff-upper-lip nature, and had some okay irony with the Star Wars story. Being funny isn't easy. If the stories got some people smiling, they're worthwhile.
It seems that the head crabs are a side effect of a discovery that Doctor Spock from the USS enterprise made late last year.
Let the OCD nerds start foaming at the mouth!
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
It's funny because it's true!
Corporate dystopias are much more fun than real life socialist dystopias which don't have exclusive rights for anyone. Although if Administration steps in, nobody wins.
Nostromo was a freighter, not a research vessel.
April 1st is the stupidest day of the year.
Nuke Slashdot from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Note to Dice: Slashdot needs to have NERD pranks, not lame science-fiction references passed as faux news. This is only funny for stupid people in your marketing department. PLEASE STOP.
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