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Smart Mattress With Lover Detection System Will Track Your Partner's Infidelities (hothardware.com)
MojoKid quotes a report from HotHardware: Do you worry that your significant other is having mid-day romps in your bedroom while you're stuck at work banging out TPS reports? There's an app for that, and a smart mattress with built-in sensors to detect when between-the-sheet activities are taking place, with or without your participation. It's part of what a mattress company in Spain is calling its "lover detection system." You can't make this stuff up. Or maybe you can. You might seriously question whether or not the so-called Smarttress from Durmet is a real thing or an attempt at a viral marketing stunt. By all accounts, it certainly looks real. There are two dozen ultrasonic sensors embedded in the springs of the mattress. These tell-all sensors detect the speed and intensity of motion, how long the mattress has been active, and the history of encounters. That data is used to create a 3D map in real time, which you can view on your mobile device with an app for either iOS or Android devices.
Just Plain Creepy!
Are there hordes of geeks wondering if the right hand knows what the left hand is doing behind its back?
Thai chick with a dick
Hard truth known, couldn't resist
Loved those bolt on tits
Harder to detect as any "lover" can get around this by sleeping on the couch.
This is one of the dumbest products I have ever heard of, assuming it is only used to catch lovers gone astray.
It's obvious to me that any one that would even consider this is already too far gone in how far they trust their significant other to remain a viable married couple.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
And just who is "TPS reports" ?
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
I am confused, because my watch says that it is the 18th.
How would you replace the old mattress with this new one without your wife knowing (and thus moving her trysts)?
"I don't know, therefore Aliens" Wafflebox1
"...But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows " L. Cohen, "Everybody Knows"
"Honestly, honey, the kids were jumping on the bed."
Disconnect your television. Do your own research. Draw your own conclusions. They're probably lying. Don't be a sheep.
It seems like if you are resorting to something like this, you obviously do not trust your significant other. If there isn't trust, the relationship probably shouldn't (continue to) exist.
As long as it doesn't track mine..
Slashdot, fix the reply notifications... You won't get away with it...
Mod the box spring coils to harvest energy. Get a tax credit from the gov't. Wife thinks she's getting away with something by having lovers over. Laugh quietly to myself as I get paid.
Have gnu, will travel.
cheap motion activated mini camera hidden in a clock or other suitable spot. Ebay has them for US$10-20. Video quality may not be that great but it would be good enough for the task.
I wonder is this was originally developed for sleep tracking (monitoring the length and quality of your sleep), and they've just hit upon a more exciting marketing strategy.
Good luck explaining to your wife why there is an Ethernet cable running to the mattress, or (even if it's wifi) why there is a power cord running to the mattress and one of the devices on the home network is called "mattress". Planning for infidelity can be self-fulfilling.
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
Then you have serious issues with either your relationship with your lover, trust, or both.
If I hadn't seen a similar link in Hackaday yesterday, I might be more receptive to this product.
To quote Peter Gabriel, "I'll tell you straight in the eye, D.I.Y."
So you are craving about tax credit on energy? I think there is a better way to deal with taxes, so that everyone wins, guaranteed.
A meter on vagina, somewhat similar to the odometer, needs to be installed. There is a plan to tax cars per mile traveled. Beer and wine are taxed with the sin tax. There is no reason not to install a mater on vagina based on the movement. A very fair tax. Transparent and democratic.
1. Government gets much needed revenue. On Sundays, for example, meter would not be working, just like we do not pay for public parking on Sundays.
2. Meters would allow introduction of the real statistics. Currently most of the men complain that they pay too much and get too little. Women complain that they get too little appreciation and not enough dollars for a bang. Also current statistic on the average daily mileage is so crooked, that you cannot believe any of the numbers that you find on the internet. Meter would solve this issue for good.
3. Meters would bring responsibility and accountability. Currently men do not know what kind of mileage they are getting. If you buy a car, and the seller is tampering with the odometer, the seller is going to jail (if the buyer discovers). If women misrepresents real mileage, and they usually do, and the buyer is not happy and expresses frustration and anger, it is the buyer who will be arrested.
Win, win, win. 360 degree win to everyone.
Just get her a taser buttplug that goes off any time it recognizes a male voice.
They will be tracking you one day, collecting data on everything you do, and probably collecting vitals. Unfortunately, now is the time to enact privacy laws, but you will continue to loose the battle on a daily basis. It's a good thing that you were able to post your dog farting on facebook though.
I hope you at least put down a towel. That's the chair where I watch the hockey playoffs.
And while you're at it, you think you can keep her busy at least until the finals are over?
You are welcome on my lawn.
It is about an English versus Japanese clash of words:
A husband comes home and finds his wife making love with an asian.
The man shouts: "get down from her and 'go'!"
The Asian replies: "just a second I'm just about going!"
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
In no-fault divorce, the division of property is done by the judge using guidelines set by law, not by who is the worst stinker. Alimony is awarded based on how long the other partner should need to earn their own way in the world, not on how rotten a bastard you are.
"Transparent" is a shit show that trades on every stereotype going. A man in drag is NOT a transsexual.
Same reason they carry a 10-year-old condom in their wallet. "You never know ..."
"Transparent" is a shit show that trades on every stereotype going. A man in drag is NOT a transsexual.
In the age of fitbit, a mattress measuring "pounds per minute" is surely much more useful for sex optimization than detecting something so mundane as cheating.
That's how I'd market it anyway, and let people infer they could ALSO use it for monitoring if they really wanted to...
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
I'd need a tabbed ux interface that supported multiple partners.
Because you can't have sex on the sofa, on the floor - right next to the bed - or in the shower ...
It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
People wealthy enough to buy this generally spend a lot of money on getting a mattress that ideally matches their personal comfort interests. This Spanish company ought to be selling refits to existing mattress systems. That wire frame photo on the smartress site doesn't look like my favorite pocket coils.
Don't they say that "a mistress is something between a mister and a mattress"? ;)
Just cruising through this digital world at 33 1/3 rpm...
In todays new Globalist Paradise you don't need a matress with lover detection, all you need are the following:
1) A full time job, that pays at least $23 an hour
2) Consistent work at such job for at least 2 years without being laid off.
3) A Health Care Family plan.
If you have all 3, congratulations because if you are a man, you are not just a lover, you're the NEW BRAD PITT and in HIGH DEMAND.
Got Geometrodynamics? Awe, too hard to figure out? Too bad.
Obvious stunt. If you are jealous enough to consider this, you definitely do not want to see what's going on in detail. A simple yes/no would be more than enough.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
What if children are playing on the mattress !!?
Coming soon: The smart kitchen table.
Observing is easy. Observing without being observed is the hard part.
This is dumb. You don't even need a camera. Get something that records sound.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Just goes to show where Slashdot has gone. In the days where it still sported the logo "News for Nerds, Stuff that Matters" slashdotters would be quick to point out that this is neither news for nerds nor stuff that mattered.
I mean, what is a "significant other"? And what would such an object do in the mom's basement bedroom while you were at work?
Free, as in your money being freed from the confines of your account.
What a terrible post. It doesn't even matter if it's real. "News for nerds". There is a thing called hidden camera that will avoid mistakes, give visual id of the lover and be admissible in court. This doesn't matter and is stupid.
"News for Nerds, Stuff that Mattress". There, fixed that for you.
Many people in Spain are now noticing their dinner tables have an odd mess on them.
That's how it works here,and it solves a LOT of problems. Lawyers hate it because people don't waste $500 of lawyer's time arguing about who gets a half-empty bottle of dish soap, or who owes who what. The amounts are fixed by statute. You might do well to ask for a true no-fault regime in your area.
"Transparent" is a shit show that trades on every stereotype going. A man in drag is NOT a transsexual.
Because nothing says 'I trust you darling' like a mattress which informs you if they're having sex on it behind your back. I mean, seriously, if she knows (and do the gender swap in your head if you need to), what's wrong with getting banged on the sofa, or up the stairs, or over the kitchen worktop?
John_Chalisque
It's not just idealism - here it's the law. If both spouses work, there is no alimony. Both parents are supposed to contribute financially to their children, and the amount is fixed by law, and varies according to the time each parent has physical custody. If it's divided 50-50, no child support is paid - each parent is required to contribute 50% of the costs of education, clothing, day care, etc.
Both spouses keep whatever they owned before the marriage. Assets and debts acquired after the marriage are the only ones divided between them. If one spouse is not self-supporting, they are given a limited time to get a job. Staying at home with the kids is no longer an excuse because of universal cheap day-care. With costs as low as $7.55 a day (less than $4.00 for each parent), babysitting your kids is no longer considered a reason not to work.
"Transparent" is a shit show that trades on every stereotype going. A man in drag is NOT a transsexual.
If people can catch cheating partners we may need to develop the automatic, instant, violence response, device that cleans up the blood and mess when the partner returns home. Or maybe we could create a device that has automated, divorce, attorney, notifications.
This is a solution looking for a problem. A motion sensing camera would be a less expensive solution, and also capture anything happening in the room...it's not always done on the mattress, go figure. The mattress also isn't going to give you a clue as to who's ass you need to kick.
Just another day in Paradise
I'm doing data analytics on disappointment.
I have no problem with marriages working on whatever rules the couple wants, but if they have a sexually open marriage they wouldn't need to monitor one partner for cheating, because it wouldn't be cheating.
Personally, I'd never try to spy on my wife's sex life when I'm not around (and we've agreed on monogamy). It would mean not trusting her, and I'm not going to do that.
"When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
Clearly. What's your point?
That I did not hit the F key hard enough. The first word should be "If". Thank you, Anonymous Coward. IF that isn't the issue, and IF you think you need to hire a private detective to spy on your spouse, your relationship is already in serious trouble and communication should be the starting point, not setting traps. Close relationships are about trust, this thing is about mistrust. Just sayin. Heck, if you're setting traps Better Call Saul.
It's clearly intended as an automatic checkout for a brothel. Just leave your credit card on file.
Star Trek transporters are just 3d printers.
I bend your wife over the La-z-boy, I don't fuck her in your bed. But have fun wasting your money, and letting your wife know you're onto her when this mattress shows up!
What's the lazy boy doing in the house? Tell him to get back out and clean the pool like I pay him for.
Star Trek transporters are just 3d printers.
If one party is incapable of supporting themselves, they are allotted a fixed time to get a job, after which there is no alimony payable or due.
This must vary by state, in Maryland at least, it is based on the length of the marriage. I have a friend who is forced by law to pay alimony until he dies, even though she took half the retirement money, he has to support her instead of retiring. All because she wanted out, he didn't want it to end, but she did. I believe they were married for 25 years. However, I who was married for 3 years (I think, don't feel like figuring it out) got the kids, house, car, and child support, because she was pregnant and it wasn't mine.
It seems like the primary thing in divorce is how much of a crapshoot it is. There are different laws in each state, and often they are anti male.
APK likes to ask for responses to the same things over and over. Maybe he just likes the responses?
And that's why we changed the laws here, so that outcomes are easily predictable. The judge won't even hear any reason for divorce except the desire of one or both parties to end the marriage, no reason required.
"Transparent" is a shit show that trades on every stereotype going. A man in drag is NOT a transsexual.