Slashdot Mirror
Thought Recognition
Hap Nesbitt writes "Microsoft has a nine year old boy named Rupert working 13 hour days to develop their next breakthrough OS interface --
thought recognition
" Apparently Microsoft
already has some competition (thanks to pluteus_larva for this one).
BTW: read the small print.
Even a dumbass as malda knew that these weren't serious. He posted them with the foot icon next to them which indicates humour!!
But the town in the middle of Washington doesn't exist, and too many other things just don't wash.
Uhm, Soap Lake, WA, exists. It's right on Soap Lake (which is so nasty full of minerals that nothing lives in it, you can float really easily, and you get alkaline "soap" deposits on you when you swim in it). It's got a lot of rednecks, snakes, and Cambrian fossils. Most Washintonians know about it, which is why the whole redneckspeak bit was so funny. I love the local weeklies around here come April 1 -- The Stranger printed theirs with the fold on the right. It was really weird reading it from the back!
Wow, what an amazing coincidence!
dont be a frickin moron, why the hell are you flaming rob for posting this? pay attention dimwit, it wasnt rob, it was sengan.
never mind that, its an amusing story, you said so yourself. so shut yer yap, and chuckle. look, ya made me go and miss judge judy!
fuck you
But its a good one. Lots of nice details such as how to pronounce Barcelona (with a th).
But the town in the middle of Washington doesn't exist, and too many other things just don't wash.
But it was a funny read. I like the fictional part where bill the borg acknowledges linux will win over the next few years, and micros~1 will then bounce back with the next big thing. Bwahahahahahaha.
We all know Linux will win and micros~1 will disappear from the face of the earth. Even billyG knows this.
that Rupert was the kid on the X-Files that could read minds. Obviously where they got the idea for the prank.
Rev. Randy.
Netscape went public in 1995. I don't remember if Navigator was released that year or earlier. They had their commerce server out in '95 as well.
How come an AltaVista search for "Rupert Tollefsen" turns up
http://www.geocities.com/A thens/Agora/7256/mindread.html
when that page doesn't even mention him?
I think we should be told.
Hold on, there's a knock at the door...
Red Robin is on the corner of 148th Ave and NE 20th Street in Bellevue, Bright Boy.
I don't remember any made-up building names.
Wouldn't it be cool if you could have an appliance that refrigerated yer food, heated yer meals, made the bed, put the dishes in the dishwasher and folder the laundry for you, IN ADDITION to running Quake V: Trinity?
:D
Hell, if they can make appliances do that, who would need a computer?
this is a *joke* ppl.
geesh. you wouldve thought computer nerds would have more brains to fall for something like this.
hmm, there doesn't seem to be any Dr. Rabelli :)
or the cs fingerd is hosed
Plus, Carnegie-Mellon Institute of Technology?
Where's that? (I go to either Carnegie No Dash Mellon No Newline University or Carnegie Institute of Technology)
Dear old tech indeed!
keryan@ece
Lots of Microsoft hirelings are posting to Slashdot that the whole thing is a hoax to lull us into thinking that it isnt really real!
Just watch, by next week you'll all have forgotten about the whole thing, and then Gates can continue with his plans...
bob
Are we going to endure April fools news for the next 6 month or what ? Isn't one day enough ? Are there no REAL news to talk about ?
I'd just like to add that to measure the actual
radio discharge of the brain cells at a resolution
that approaches the sum discharge of hundreds or more neurons(impossible to measure a single discharge), a machine the size of a two-stall
garage, lots of liquid helium and a nearly 100%
EMF free environment is required. And even then,
what can be disciminated disciminated from the noise(lots of it) is a long..LONG..LONG!! way from being a "thought".
The article is a joke, regardless of whether it was intended to be or not.
... and he's crying all the way to the bank. Give him some credit for succeeding where thousands upon thousands of entrepenuers have failed.
You only wish you were that smart!
Why doesn't someone post the newspaper clipping that showed the old lady using this contraption?
Then, and only then would we only have a little doubt, apposed to a lot of doubt!!!!
...A M$ operating system that knows what I think of it.
Maybe they should hire Reece K. Sellin? :)
--ac
Hahahaha !!
.. endlessly .. :)
.. what is that called again? :)
God knows I wouldn't mind something to fill my head with all the school work I take part in, rather then study it
I still wonder though, if such a technology can work on everybody. Keeping in mind that everybody is different, and everybody houses a different brain-wave pattern
-- "Where one step from becoming more Alien then Alien" said I, after finding out the possibilities of head-transplates....
It's already being worked on.n ted/us/st/sc0114_1.htm
http://www.newsweek.com/nw-srv/issue/14_99a/pri
from the april-one-nineteen-ninety-nine dept...
Just wondering
Exactly.
;)
:)
Even a genius with years of training and access to the best equipment would take a while to come up with TR. How could little Rupert have done it at home for his gran?
Maybe he just upped an built himself a CAT scanner or something
I wouldnt be surprised if M$ is working on it's Linux crushing killer app though. They'll fail of course. Whatever it is, we can just reverse engineer it's protocols and open source the bastard to death
Uh, april fool's is over...
Hey, it's only an April's Fool joke, but note how well the whole article captures the "Spirit of Microsoft". With all of the recent hoopla about Microsoft, and its PR disasters, isn't this about what everyone has come to expect?
What would be really funny, is if everyone would pretend to take the story seriously, talk it up to all their friends, and get the story to snowball to the point that Microsoft would actually have to issue a denial!
Check the posting department - april-first etc....
:)
Surely that's enough to flag that it's a spoof?
I'm amused by how many people can't tell these things are April Fools and take them seriously - far more fun than the actual posts
When I read that he wired up a remote to grandmas brain, i thoguht gee what crap!!
ahahhahahahah
rm that
Just think how much you would have to pay for computer therapy after Bill adds thought recognition to windoze. I sit and curse my computer all day.
MS wants to be able to recognize thoughts to know if they ever had an original one. hahhahahaha.
Check it: http://www.dejanews.com/[ST_rn=qs]/qs.xp?QRY=Tolle fsen&OP=dnquery.xp&ST=QS&DB S=2 21 articles on usenet that have the name "Tollefsen" in it. 9 of which are PRE-April Fools day. One such, the earliest of the bunch, feb 25th, ( http://x16.dejanews.com/[ST_rn=qs]/getdoc.xp?AN=45 0055640&CONTEXT=923453248.4 13859955&hitnum=18)) comes from some guy (eh? grrl meybe) named Kai-Rune Tollefsen. and the title? "Citroen C15 - I OSLO". posted to no.marked.bil which COULD be interpeted as some kind of anti-bill gates bit at the farthest extreme. of course it's not. and it's in er.. that Norweigan(sp) ? Catch it? OSLO. go read the article again if u have to. now, who reads norweigan? perfect base for some kind of joke. something written in some unknown language with a couple key words in it to spark it all. nifty stuff, nO? anyone read norweigan? wanna tell us wtf it's all about?
I only knew it was a joke when I saw that ridiculous newsgroup name in the end. People that do not have a clue wouldn't have noticed that. No hidden notices in the source, either.
When you make that kind of sick joke, you _must be sure_ that everybody is able to find out it's not for real.
> wtf it's all about?
Let me tell you then...
It's a used car ad - this guy wants to sell his
Citroen C15. I OSLO means it's in Oslo so if you
live in USA you're gonna have to pay a lot to
get it home.
NOE SKADET - Somewhat damaged
KJØRT KUN 90.000 - only driven 90.000 kilometers
SELGES HØYESTBYDENDE OVER KR. 2000 - He'll sell
it to whoever bids the most provided it's over
2000 norwegian crowns.
SOMMER- OG VINTERHJUL - Wheels for use in summer
and wheels for use in winter included. Yes you do
need that in Norway.
Wise up guys. This TR stuff is just a front. Want little Rupert is really up to in thier with all that hardware is a project to build a computer that can run NT5
April 06, @04:05PM EDT
from the
april-one-nineteen-ninety-nine dept.
Need I say more?
It's an April Fools joke. Now come on, don't be obtuse... if the fact that it's the April 1-7th edition of the paper doesn't mean anything to you, the general tone of the article should make you think twice before you discount the suggestion that it's a joke just because today doesn't happen to be April 1st. Have a sense of humor.
Like someone else said, check out "from the april-one-nineteen-ninety-nine dept". And I can't believe that no one is noticing that this was posted under humor, with the big foot icon. If it were posted under a serious icon (like the Microsoft one), then it would be an April Fool's joke, but now it's just another humor article.
With respect to buying out geniuses at a young age: Sure they do. But with respect to thought recognition: Ha!
And what of reciprocity? Ever picked up your phone while you're on-line? Now, imagine feeling that in your head.
We haven't even come close to natural language recognition. (Incidentaly, that's the one that Microsoft is working feverisly on.)
Besides, do you honestly think we have something to fear from the people that brought us Windows?
Think again.
Actually, I thought the "Carnegie-Mellon Institute of Technology" was the best in-joke.
The history of Carnegie Mellon University is that the old Carnegie Institute of Technology (Carnegie Tech) merged with Mellon Institute to form Carnegie-Mellon (originally they used the dash, but officially dropped it years after the merger).
This, and other similar just-slightly-wrong details, were what made this April Fools article so much better than any of the others I saw this year.
Folks - take it easy. It's an April fools joke. Of course, it IS 5 days late, but oh well. It's still quite funny. I especially like the parts about naming individual buildings and the "Red Robin" restaurant.
> anyone read norweigan? wanna tell us wtf it's
> all about?
Sure...
It's a used car ad - this guy wants to sell his
Citroen C15. I OSLO means it's in Oslo so if you
live in USA you're gonna have to pay a lot to
get it home.
NOE SKADET - Somewhat damaged
KJØRT KUN 90.000 - only driven 90.000 kilometers
SELGES HØYESTBYDENDE OVER KR. 2000 - He'll sell
it to whoever bids the most provided it's over
2000 norwegian crowns.
SOMMER- OG VINTERHJUL - Wheels for use in summer
and wheels for use in winter included. Yes you do
need that in Norway.
no.marked.bil - Norway.market.car
April Fools bring May stools?
if proof were needed that it was an april fools joke, it says that this is microsoft's *next?* interface breakthrough. What was they're first one?
not revenge, but they are really being duped.
just like the daily sun believes that elvis was spotted walking out of a ufo.
come on...
Why do you keep disks of old crappy software around?
Is it just to try and show off to your friends?
If so, are they really impressed? Really?
Maybe you're going to start a museum of old crappy software?
Is so, how much will admission be? Will you have refeshments? Please have fresh roasted peanuts!
Just a vondering...
BTW: We have chandeliers (sp?) made of 3-4 year old AOL CDROM's around the office -- do you want them?
Isn't that the psychic kid that was on the X-Files? I wondered what happened to him.......
Hmm, interesting to note how much bigger April Fool's Day has become. It figures: when you live in an "Information Society" a day of misinformation is bound to get more popular.
yeah, in stacks of newspaper all over the city--maybe I'll get out today. :)
Email from central washington came back. Your kind description of the place shall stand as the better one. :-)
Sorry to all those wonderful, witty, charming residents of Soap Lake who I dissed.
Yeah!
/'. *horror*
And what if it did work? - It would only mean
wintendo could do nothing useful faster.
Imagine it on *nix though - You're loged in as
root when your evil younger sister comes by and
thinks 'rm -rf
Just goes to show how eager slashdot is to believe the worst and most fantastic about Microsoft.
The is a blatent April Fools joke. Perhaps a month or two off X-Files would do you some good?
"slashdot: microsoft bashing, linux and nerd news" (in that order of importance)
3 points.
Unfortunately, someone will figure it out. But here is the problem. If it isn't open no one knows what it is doing to your brain. Can MS issue a patch to your cerebellum? I think not. If it is open then many people can misuse it. I would hate to think of all the ways the military and gov could use it. Got a problem? Just reprogram them. Total Recall at its finest.
Anybody else have a problem with leaving this kind of technology in the wrong hands? Greedy corps ot Blood thirsty military? And given how the net is going to crap and loosing privacy do you think the idiots in the gov. will use self regulation to avoid misuse? Quite laughable.
Given windows users inability to do anything other than point and click wouldn't this product be better for Linux users?
I guess the Bill Borg pic is correct.
www.seattleweekly.com is running Apache/1.3.4 (Unix) PHP/3.0.6 on FreeBSD (from netcraft.com)
...
... go figure
"A prodigy's Redmond isolation lab faces 'outing' over life secrets."
Take the first letter of each word and...
April fools...
-kingfrog
> Microsoft has a nine year old boy named Rupert
> working 13 hour days to develop their next > breakthrough OS interface --
> thought recognition "
Rupert? I though his first name was Bill! But at least the age matches.
I also did a faculty/staff check, and there is no faculty by the name they mentioned (I also haven't heard of Carnegie Mellon Institute of Technology (Carnegie Tech, yes, Mellon Institute, yes, Carnegie Mellon University, yes, but no CMIT.. but then again, I am in CMU's college of fine arts ;-)
(a) It's a weekly magazine, issue April 1-7
(b) That's a photo of Bill Gates up top. Hellloooo, people!
afarrell@maths.tcd.ie
Maybe 'cause here in Catalunya we are paying to see Microsoft's products in our own language (català)? :)
I actually believed that one.
This scares me. This makes Stephen King fiction and X-Files look like your average 4th-grade ghost story. A nine-year-old genius, being trained to be the next Bill Gates. Someone who is being formed to dominate a multibillion dollar company. Microsoft all but admitting that they have given up until 2005 and let Linux have its moment. Thought Recognition software. I think that someone is going to read this, load up their rifle, and blow Gates and the kid away.... This has an X-Files plotline, but MS in the role of the government. There's someone crazy enough out there. Myself, I'll not be sleeping tonight or the rest of the month either. The government training monkeys to fly jets, I can believe. This terrifies me. Even the brief interview with the kid sounds like accounts of Gates. This kid is teaching Warren Buffet things? I am stunned and frightened. I don't know what to say... I'm thinking of a voluntary frontal lobomoty if MS ever materializes with this stuff.
... it wouldnt surprise me if Microsoft violated all known child labor laws.
Its in their nature
only 10 minutes and its already /.'ed.
any mirrors?
-Z
I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Have you seen the people that work there.. They whine like little kids.
I ate my tag line.
-=Ellis (D)25=-
Mine came on punch-cards..hahaha..
I ate my tag line.
-=Ellis (D)25=-
My cat's ass just isn't as good as the old dog's one, man, what a rump that was.
(My 1st post from LINUX, yeaa, me!!!)
+&x
My toys are sticky.
They seem to have gotten the MS details right, like building 8 and vanstar, but the spelled Carnegie Mellon with a dash. Amateurs :)
I loved the photo of the granny with the remote hastily fastened to her head. Great stuff.
.
I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!
Thought recognition. Obviously the necessary prelude to their ultimate goal:
THOUGHT CONTROL
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
:)
Posted by A.W.O.L.:
I think we're all pretty much sci-fi fans here. I myself really like near future sci-fi.
I just read the story and I think it's a great fiction in the guise of an April 1st article. It's great how it's based in the current day and how the author used the name Microsoft... I'd count it among the best sci-fi I've read (not that I have time for books anymore).
Of course it's scary contemplating such a reality...
Posted by NJViking:
Heh.. yeah, if you aren't careful.
It'll blow up into a giant blueberry just like in Willy Wonka.
NJV
Posted by The Mongolian Barbecue:
or at least, he has yet to prove that he is anything other than a lucky market drone. where is any code that he's hacked? I'll tell you where- hidden from everyone because he is too embaressed.
As is normal, this "Microsoft" innovation is old-hat everywhere outside of Redmond. The DWIM instruction set was rumored to have been in several 1960's era mainframes, and the technology was even built into Soviet Fighters which the US, um, "appropriated" back in the mid-80's.
This technology is, in fact, so easy a child of nine could do. It's good to see that Microsoft has finally hired a child of nine. What they hey- he's got to be more computer savvy than that herd of PhD's they've hired.
I saw a game at Tower Records a while back that was supposed to use thought recognition. It was a skiing game, and I guess you were supposed to think "left", "right" or "jump" ...
... And, the thought-recognition just recognizes format C:
I think thought-recognition may be fun at the OS level.. For instance, while using windows, you think "I ougtta just format C:"
At least if M$ gets any tech support calls about that, they can honestly say "that's not a bug, it's a feature, dammit!"
Yeah, it's a joke, but it's a well written joke. If only the real stories about MS & Linux were as well written. The author worked hard on this one.
--
Grant Chair, Linux Int.
VP, SVLUG
Co-Editor, Open Sources
Open Source Program Manager, Google, Inc.
``No thought detected, switching to point and drool interface. Think of the word OK to continue''.
MS Kid v 1.0
Now THAT was a classic April Fool's joke.
The revolution will NOT be televised.
I've noticed over the past couple of days that Slashdot seems to be getting fooled into thinking that these stories are serious. Nick Petreley's APril fools Infoworld column was listed on Slashdot for about 10 mins before being pulled, and now this one comes up.
I think that the Slashdot contributors are engaging in some post-April Fools Day revenge for collaborating with Segfault, UserFriendly, and BeDope.
-Dean
Didn't realize that Slashdot filed it under "humor." After being fooled by the guy who submitted the Petreley article, I thought Slashdot got fooled again.
There is a mentioning of the Netscape Navigator debuting in '96. I've been an avid internet user since mid.'95. I even have my first internet software installation discs floppies. What I have there among other interesting things is Netscape Navigator! (ver. 1.0 or 2.0).
We'll "Think Different" for you.
--mere mortal--
No, that kid was named Gibson (or at least that was his first name; don't remember his surname).
Publish the details, under an open-source licence. That way we can all hack on brainwave-driven computing.
Why is it that whenever people want to express something coming out of nowhere, they always name a small town in Wisconsin?
Why not name some backwaters place in western Michigan? Nothing good ever comes from there.... :-)
dinner: it's what's for beer
Well I'm always finding the opportunity to bask redhat.com and here's another reason:
The front page articles on www.redhat.com don't have the icons to tell you what a story is about. Therefore you won't see the foot icon saying this is humour and some people (OK perhaps they have a braincell loose) may take the article seriously particularly as it's NOT April 1st any more.
Bad for RedHat's image more than Microsoft's as some people may consider it slander against Microsoft.
--
I find some of the implications for that boy very disturbing. It reads as though he has had his childhood robbed from his at 9. As for his mother agreeing to that because of the stock options, sickning.
Fail, Fail again, Fail better
Why would anyone want to disable me?
Just because a guy was born on April 1st and his initials happen to be BS, y'all pick me to death! Jeez, give a guy a break!
(Yes, I was born april first and yes, my initials are BS. Funny how things work out, eh?)
Pretty sure this was a april fools trick, when I read the paper version of this.
"Think of it as evolution in action."
Pay particular attention to the first letters...
-- Old Man Kensey
Maybe we all need to get out more and stop bashing micros~1 so much. I've even torn down the Bill Gates-as-Hitler poster with the "I want to believe - the Truth is out there" caption from my kitchen wall.
KILL MICROS~1!!!
MICROS~1MUST DIE!!!
DIE!
DIE!!!!!
support gun control: take guns from cops
Read the article. The tone is way to jocular for it to be real. If you doubt, read the bit about rewiring the old Zenith with nothing but some hair clippers and a hunk of wire. Please.
Oh, by the way, I was just listening to the radio and Orson Welles says that the martians are coming. I'm out of here.
Yeah, I'm as old as my UID would suggest.
Now, I'll give Microsoft some credit -
:>
The Human Resources department in ANY company is likely to be imbued with Satanic power.
Their neither human, nor terribly resourceful.
Then again, given that Microsoft in general is the way it is, it seems to me that their HR department may have won over the entire company.
- Darchmare
- Axis Mutatis, http://www.axismutatis.net
- Jeff
Red Robin rocks. We have 2 in this area (Tri-cities WA).
I really love those Bacon Burgers, and those fries.... Mmmm...
Oh yeah, and the kid is right - Ephrata does suck. then again, so does Soap Lake.
- Darchmare
- Axis Mutatis, http://www.axismutatis.net
- Jeff
Seems to me that they've accomplished that already, to some degree.
- Darchmare
- Axis Mutatis, http://www.axismutatis.net
- Jeff
Geez, let's not go giving Bill any ideas, OK?
"How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?" --BMcC-->
Humor-challenged, I see...
"How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?" --BMcC-->
:: What in HELL has Gates done that is so brilliant?
A backup unit for the MS Borg Queen *must* be available.
Wow, I'd have never seen that. Cool.
Now I'm going to be looking at subheadings like
that for weeks...crap.
:-)
--Kit
Former Inmate, VA Linux Sanitarium
Think of it. The increasing number of missing children, the increasing rise in share price of Microsoft, the increasing desparation of Bill Gates as Microsoft works itself into the W2K corner....
:-)
I think you're on to something (or *on* comething
--
Infuriate left and right
So this evening, like a lot of evenings, I turn on my computer, fire up the web browser and /. comes up because I choose it from my link list.
/. has declined to the point that I'm bellyaching about it for the better part of seven paragraphs, I'll grab the source code and set up my own.
Then I see this article, one of a dozen, and decide that it's not worth my time to view.
Simple as that, I decide not to look at it.
Problem solved. A dozen articles a day, view a third to a half of them, sometimes enjoy them and sometimes close 'em before I give up even thirty more seconds to them.
And should I ever decide that
"FFFishDot -- News for Five Fresh Fish. Stuff That Matters to Him."
And the flocks will gather, just as they have for Rob. Of course, eventually some hardcase will fall in love with it, and then fall out of love with it because, hey, it's not "HardDot -- News for HardCase. Stuff That Matters to Him."
Ce la vie.
--
Don't like it? Respond with words, not karma.
Oh. My. God.
We've got a live one here, folks! Someone who *ACTUALLY BELIEVES* what he reads on the news sites. Apparently swallows it all verbatim.
Please, Lotek. It's the Internet. As the old saying goes -- "Believe half of what you see, a quarter of what you read and none of what you hear."
Consider the Internet to be between "hearing" and "reading."
--
Don't like it? Respond with words, not karma.
(Okay, that was slightly unfair. But, geez, it's not like people are being *forced* to read the news links!)
--
Don't like it? Respond with words, not karma.
Yes, April and all... but an MS thought-control interface would be next to useless anyway, due to flooding by frustration and disappointment, wouldn't it?
Got time? Spend some of it coding or testing
Perl isn't exactly CPU-lite as a webserver. I'd say Mr Malda just runs nice hardware with a decent OS and webserver on it. But if the slashdotting of slashdot ever worries you, send him an Alpha or two. Then all you'll have to worry about is his uplink getting slashdotted...
Got time? Spend some of it coding or testing
'Nuff said.
Time flies like an arrow;
Time flies like an arrow;
Fruit flies like a bananna
They're prob'ly running NT and IIS. Two PalmPilots and a Nokia cellphone can /. it.
-- Spring: Forces, coiled again!
Oh, you're one of those people...
*grin*
Seriously, some of us don't load images, especially since adfu seems to be the major slashdot bottleneck now.
Nuff said!
"It's like polishing a turd." -FZ
When I read this I felt a small memory in the dim recesses of my literary background twitch...then it hit me (Which hurt. Memories aren't supposed to do that sort of thing, but it happens to other people so it must not be terribly unusual).
:-) together with the "trained from birth for a specific job" power of...say either _Enders Game_ or _Brave New World_, this scenario is likely to be entirely possible in...20? 30 years?
Has anyone read the excellent book _Enders Game_ by Orson Scott Card? See any parallels?
The scary thing is that if you throw the massive corperate power from Gibson books and _Shadowrun_ (oh, there's a difference?
Mycroft-X
micros~1 --- HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! gotta love
lfn converted to 8.3!!
' god damn this is one wacky game show ' ~ jay in mallrats
Microsoft staff assigned to Barcelona have but one task: Find the next Bill Gates.
What in HELL has Gates done that is so brilliant?
This HAS to be a joke!
How embarassing! I missed the "from the ... department" line and read it thinking it was news. Of course, I suppose the fact that M$ was doing actual ground-breaking research should have been an immediate giveaway that something was amiss with this story. Not that M$ doesn't have a great track record for innovation or anything ;-)
The Doctor is in.
It's possible to add 'thought' macros to the computer w/ some cheap (under $100) hardware and a short program that can be programed to recognize occurances. Sure it takes some practice and a weird thing on your head and isn't always accurate but it still is really fun to use. My desire is to make a wireless unit that I can mouse around with and freak people out at work. *grins* I spend to much time working w/ devices for my handicapped sister, I have some really weird gadgets. :) Anyone think this beats a scroll mouse for web browsing? Might sell well off porn sites, hands free browsing.
At what price learning? At what cost wisdom? The price is a man's peace of mind, and the cost is his life.
It's against child labor laws.
/.ed already... ???
:)
It's
How doesn't slashdot ever get slashdotted??? Is it a secret illuminati or masonic conspiracy, or does Rob just have better hardware then everyone else? Or is it Perl?
-- What you do today will cost you a day of your life.
I love this stuff. It keeps me on my toes when reading "real" news articles.
Critical thinking is a habit and like all habits, benefits from periodic reinforcement.
Tidal Wave Communications
--
Wage Slave Journal
Hi! I've got a slightly used life that you can have for a mere $.25! I haven't used it much lately, and it's apparent that you need it more than I do.
/. should only post true things is ludicrous. They post untrue things (in a sense) every day. Maybe there should just be a standing policy of marking everything with an exaggerated, satirical bent: "ATTENTION ALL MORONS: THE FOLLOWING ITEM IS *NOT* *TRUE*".
It might surprise you to know that April fools jokes are run not only by news *sites*, but by the people that put out physical, dead news trees, too. It does back a wayz.
To say that
^-^justanotheryellowfevervictim
-k. ^-^ ^D
FYI - Red Robin is a real chain of restaurants. I ate at one the other night in the San Fran bay area. :)
So this evening, like a lot of evenings, I turn on my computer, fire up the web browser and /. comes up because it's my default home page. And I take a look at the little graphic that comes with the web page. It goes something like this: Slashdot: News for Nerds. Stuff that matters.
/.? This used to be a pretty hip place that collected a lot of good news that was really interesting, but lately it's turning into a place for tired old news to get a fresh spin before it goes back into the boneyard. It's a site to look over one more April Fool's joke page, a week into the month. It's where we can debate such important topics as how to moderate messages.
/.. Maybe it's that sad sort of decline that comes to an organization when it becomes so self absorbed that it forgets what its original purpose was. Or maybe it's that Rob is too busy doing other important things to keep an eye on the quality of the site. Whatever it is, I'm disappointed to see the road that we're traveling here.
/. serves a good purpose...it's like a giant distributed nerd made up of lots of little nerds. Let's make sure that the nerd doesn't get too wrapped up in himself and forget why he's here.
Then I see this article...obviously it's a joke, and it's a pretty clever one.
Then my brain engages. How is this "News for Nerds"? Exactly why is this "Stuff that matters"? The answer is...drum roll please...it's not.
What's going on with
In the meantime, I'm having a hard time seeing the news for all the noise. If I want to see junk on a web page, I can go over to CNN.
Something's wrong with
Maybe things will change. I hope so, because
=d=
That is odd, but cool. Maybe you should auction them off on EBay. You never know what people tastes are. I mean people buy those tastless designer clothes.
I would take one, but I live in a dorm. Ah hell, I would take one any way.
And people keep old crappy software for nostalgia (video game emulation) or for the fact that they can't buy the new version, which isn't the reason for the Netscape thing.
But think about it. They have old airplanes, cars, and other things. Why not old computer firsts?
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" - F. Voltaire.
Well, with mod_perl and stuff like FastCGI, it can get pretty fast. Something like a shell-script webserver with shell-script CGI would be slow.
Actually, it is possible to write a webserver in bash, with netcat.
Why does the family dies? Do you care why?
--
"Basically the message is: Steal It!
If it were, it wouldn't surprise me one bit that Microsoft is so blatantly lacking in vision. No matter how big a commercial success a TR Windows-like system might turn out to be, it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't be anywhere near revolutionary. I mean, come on. For starters, this is just an input modification, which is relatively easy to implement. They hardly need a child genius to do it - give the usual bunch of programmers a 2005 average home-control computer (I'm betting on something along the lines of a SMP system with 64 4-GHz RISC chips, linked to every other electronic thing on the house through inconspicuous digital lines with 2 Tb bandwidth) and _very_strong_, _very_small_ electric impulse detectors and they'll have this thing ready in a matter of months. Only problem is, we're not in 2005 yet. And again, this won't change anything.
Now picture the situation another five years later, in say 2010. This is the optimistic estimate for the arrival of the early first-generation assemblers (probably built by protein-based machines). Once we have assemblers, we can have anything - nanobots for all, nanogrown materials, and eventually, artificial dry-carbon brains for the more liberal of us to get into. Now _this_ will be truly revolutionary... and the one who comes up with the first one will get it all - maybe not money, but certainly the gratitude of the human species.
To the editors: your English is as bad as your Perl. Please go back to grade school.
I don't find it difficult to believe that Gates would hedge his bets. After all, who can predict what happened to the Gates genes when they were intermingled with another to produce his offspring?
Ha!! Poor little (fictional) Rupert would get the boot if Gates could just clone himself without arousing suspicion...
~~b
Wasn't this an april fools day joke? I saw it at linuxtoday a few days ago..
>
>Even Sengen knows it's a joke, see the "april-one-nineteen-ninety-nine dept" line...
of COURSE! so THAT'S why he gave it tthe humor icon! where would i be without the quick-witted analysis of slashdot commenters?
--neil
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm alpha :)
oh come on...like everyone else wasn't thinking the same thing.
Quick thought for you to think about. What happens when Windows TR crashes. Do you die. Then Micro$oft can't take you money when they release WindowsTR 2007. Then I guess that this will never happen.
Bad Move Bill
Technology's a battle between companies producing more idiot-proof systems and nature producing bigger and better idiots
This is another example of why I really dislike April Fools' Day. Something reported on April 1st can be picked up by other media thereafter, and people take it seriously. Call me humour impaired, but I don't find lies all that funny.
Basically, I ignored everything I saw here on Slashdot on April 1st (and therefore, I may have missed some bonafide news). Now I have to be cautious about stuff I read several days thereafter...
I bent my wookie
scary sh*t...i wonder how gates intends to cheat death?
Maybe Truman Burbank wasn't the first child to be legally adopted by a corporation...
-Chris
I enjoy these jokes, it's funny. There is an option under preferences to exlude things from the It's a joke, Laugh category, which will keep the humor from getting through.
How's a computer going to understand the thought, "I want to look at my AOL stock quotes" when IT CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE ASCII STRING "I want to look at my AOL stock quotes"? Bill Gates should have stayed in college.
"Whatever happened to fair use?"
-- Duff-Man
More April fool's crap? I thought the point of having editors was to *increase* the SNR.
"Whatever happened to fair use?"
-- Duff-Man
I hear that in this one episode, Corky gets some!
Soap Lake, WA does exist, the zip code is 98851- look it up on the USPS web site if you're skeptical. Red Robin is very near the MS campus, and is very popular with MicroSerfs.
John 17:20
Isn't it a bit late for April fools jokes? Especially ones this bad? This never should've made it as a story.
Thats still to hard for today's average computer user!!
Beau C
You know...I wouldn't let this article disrupt your sleep pattern. Its a left-over April fools joke. Hey, thanksgiving gets to last for a whole week with left-over turkey...why can't April fools have left-overs? By the way, I think you're an idiot.
The toastman always rings twice.
Yeah, I'd call this one of the best short pieces of sci fi I've read in a long time.
Nice April Fool's joke, but I like this part - pretty good reason why this kind of software should be free software:
What especially concerns privacy watchdogs like Heilman is the possibility that Rupert Tollefsen's TR operating system, if such a thing can be created, might contain not only the ability to pick up signals to the brain, but to feed them to
the user's brain as well. Researchers who have worked on proto-TR projects say this capability--known alternately as "complete-loop functioning," or "reciprocity"--is the Holy Grail of 21st century information technology.
Definitely looks made up. First it talks about the kid being part of a top secret project that nobody knows about. Then it mentions the kid's office being two doors down from Bill's. Kind of a hard place to be inconspicuous, if you ask me.
What about milk, cheese, Tombstone pizza, the Violent Femmes, Garbage, Ghostview and Mesa. All from Wisconsin. Oh yeah, and Dahmer. :-)
follow up info: salon has it listed with other 4/1 tricks:9 log.html
http://www.salonmagazine.com/21st/log/1999/03/2
Despite the fact that this article was a joke, it seems to me that this kind of program could give our existing educational system a run for its money. One child at a time, geek-potential will be traded in for stock options, and the US will become a technocracy ruled by company-educated mega-geeks. The most valuable resource will be their young, highly plastic neurons. The innovators will get younger and younger, and eventually the world will be controlled by a tempermental "little brother".
...and a darned good AFJ it is!
How often to AFJ's have SHELF LIFE? =)
- quux
My
Quux26
www.crashspace.net
And I bet he's the evil genius behind this...ever since the end of his pitching career, well, I wondered what he was up to...I guess now I know
Damn funny April fools article, I thought...reminded me a lot of the Sidd Finch thing...
One rarely reads such carefully crafted, well-written humor. It was humor, wasn't it? God knows I laughed...
13 hours only?? Lucky guy...
"Two Palm Pilots and a Nokia cellphone can /. it"
ROFLMAO!
Save the whales. Feed the hungry. Free the mallocs.
*straps on headset, and prepares to use M$-TR*
I wanna check my email
ooh, an attached document, wonder what it is *Hard drive starts to grind as M$-Word is started* Noo, I didn't really want to ope-
send email to all freinds, with the following document attatched...
Calmacil
I can't seem to face up to the facts, I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax... --Talking Heads
I thought they got all their code given to them directly from HELL as part of Bill's deal with Satan. He just hires people to do evil on earth as his part of the bargain.
Damn! I knew it was warm in the HR buildings, but I had no idea quite *why*...
Coming soon - pyrogyra
It's only funny if you live around here. There's a Red Robin right by the main campus. Many of the staff frequent the joint.
Besides, they have bitchin' Buffalo Chicken Strips.
I've seen an actual attempt at this. But, the scientists could only measure the intensity of concentrated thought. They used it as a throttle controll for a small toy train. I'd like to see something like this in a more advanced form.
It was fair game on 4/1, and I suppose that since this is so obviously fake there is no harm done. My only question is when will they add a user preference for disabling BS articles?
wake up and find out that you are the eyes of the world.
Why do some people feel the need to plaster every ng with this crap as soon as they get it? Bah.
_ ___
_______________________________________________
exactly. Just read it myself, thought it was pretty funny. Just sent it to my GF, and I'm sure she'll freak out about it because she doesn't know anything about computers... Seriously folks, this is obviously a joke. think about it: if you wanted to come up with something like that, would you use a dell computer? For that matter, would you use a intel-driven, or any other RISC driven, computer? And if he already had "remnants of an old biofeedback machine discarded by a local drug store" on a $0 budjet reading grandma's mind, adding a few more features on an infinate budjet wouldn't be that hard Duh
I thought they got all their code given to them directly from HELL as part of Bill's deal with Satan. He just hires people to do evil on earth as his part of the bargain.
With Microsoft, it doesn't have to be the first of April to be a day for fools :)
--
"Modern cryptography is nothing more than a mathematical framework
for debating the implications of various paranoid delusions".
Just visit http://koala.mu.ru and dumm!
Well I knew it was phoney but I thought it was well done. The part that really let them down was concering Warhammer 40,000. It isn't a role playing game. You just can't expect credibility in certain circles if you make glaring research mistakes like that.
Everyone knows it is a miniature based wargame right?
Muskie
cool - let's just start with a april fools month
--- Sigmentation Fault - Comments Dumped
Posted by F.A.N.G.:
They had a 13 year-old named Corky working 9 hour days to design the last UI.
Check the department.
I bet if it wasn't a computer company but a biomedical or something company, the kid would be banned from working by child labor activists. It just shows how little people care about some computer company, while the role of inducible nitric oxide synthase in neoplastic apoptosis is on 60 minutes every weekend.
Why are you _STILL_ posting april fools jokes?
And isn't it about time that you post retractions for the previous april fools articles?
Joseph Elwell.
They're hiring CHILDREN to do their work for them? Have these monsters no shame? If nothing else, this should show the world the obscenity that Microsoft really is.
On the bright side, this is going to ba a huge blow to their antitrust case, since I believe they're violating at least 40 different child-labor laws. With any luck this one will get them not just broken up but completely dissolved.
Very cute Kaz.. Almost wana steal it for my sig :-)
I think that if the world did come down to thought recognition we would all lose our fine motor skills and develop larger minds, therefor evolving into large headed alien type people with large eyes, and little, weak arms.. WHOA! Thats what happened to aliens!!!
Heh,
Stan "Myconid" Brinkerhoff
SB.
This old, and an April fools joke (last I checked April fools was a day not a month).
Even Sengen knows it's a joke, see the "april-one-nineteen-ninety-nine dept" line...
Come on guys, it was funny for about an hour, but even 04/01 has to end sometime.
Then again, maybe I'm just getting old and crotchety...
What, you thought MS actually does software research?
I know they won't recognize my thoughts,
(maybe one: "Damn, windows sucks", that's a very common thought)
but I would hate to bluescren my brain.
I can imagine talking to someone, and he will say "Illegal operation, I must be shut down".
And what about slowness?
That would be rather funny, to see people to see thinking "as fast as windows".
"hello" - "h.. e... llo..."
About language recognition,
ever heard the phrase "there is one computer language, the microsoft language"?
Be afraid, be very afraid.
And yes.
I'm terrified of Microsoft.
that one day i will have to use their products,
that they will steal the internet.
I want to be free, and Microsoft's goal is to take freedom from people.
(GUIDs, no choice in products, bill brother IS watching you!)
---
---
I'm going to live forever, or die in the attempt.
Think.
Microsoft has the money, and the will to pull such a thing.
Check the milk cartons...
---
---
I'm going to live forever, or die in the attempt.
Got a copy, sans fancy images http://socrates.mps.ohio- state.edu/~ccunning/seattle.html
Remember this was the April 1 edition, and it contains some pretty bogus sounding names. Not to mention the tone was very tongue in cheek. I read it yesterday and I thought it was pretty funny.
This is the kind of stuff that makes it so hard for the average person to take internet news sites seriously. April fools jokes SHOULD NOT be started by news sites. And if they are, the sites need to make it damn clear on April 2 that they were not real.
I wouldn't be surpassed if Sengan had just skimmed the article, gotten the impression that it was a real deal article, and slapped it up here, all without realizing that he was getting taken for a ride. Having run a news site on my companies infonet for a couple of years now, I would bet the farm that this is exactly what happened.
News sites, even if they are for Nerds, should only post things that are true. When fluff like this gets posted it makes it harder to take the rest of the news (which is probably real) seriously. Faking news for an April Fools joke and not posting a retraction the next day is a disservice to the entire online news community. After all, We already have one Onion.
Lotek---
I don't like MS because of its software and commercial practices. This article is not related to poor software or monopolistic practices. The article is absolutely not true. I'm very dissapointed that is got posted on /. It's simply not apropriate to post articles that don't have any proove underneath words, on any day other than April 1. It absolutely can't comply with "etiquet rules", it's just not ethical and very low class post.
I can't believe I fell for that one.
Then again, I suppose I deserve it; this year I told another messageboard I frequent that my girlfriend (who also frequents it) and I were actually the same person; several people fell for that one too. We aren't, by the way.
However, this does strike me as something Microsoft would do, given the chance...