User: Snufu

The alternative to Apple's Walled Garden

On: Amazon Announces 'Fire Phone'

Bezos' Walled Flea Market with Free Spyware

This is the year of

On: Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer Buys the LA Clippers For $2 Billion

Linux basketball.

BSOD

On: Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer Buys the LA Clippers For $2 Billion

Blue Screen-and-roll of Death

Good.

On: US Officials Cut Estimate of Recoverable Monterey Shale Oil By 96%

Maybe we'll have to start paying the actual, non-subsidized price for petroleum.

Not impressed.

On: Even In the Wild Mice Run In Wheels

I got a squirrel that does stomach crunches and works the speedbag.

Re:Slug

On: Even In the Wild Mice Run In Wheels

Slugs apprently frequent this thing (hard to call it a running wheel when's a slug).

This is the drive mechanism for my wall clock. No batteries, just feed it some slime when the clock gets behind.

What could possibly go...

On: Researchers Experiment With Explosives To Fight Wildfires

right?

"Open the door, it's the F.B.I."

On: FBI Need Potheads To Fight Cybercrime

"The F.B.I.?"

"Yes. The F.B.I."

"...F.B.I.'s not here, man."

FBI

On: FBI Need Potheads To Fight Cybercrime

Fraternal Brotherhood of Inhalers.

This robot debunking article was brought to you by

On: The Sci-Fi Myth of Robotic Competence

Skynet Cycberdyne Systems. "For a better tomorrow."

Embrace. Extend.

On: Report: YouTube Buying Twitch.tv For $1 Billion

Extinguish.

SkyNOT?

On: US Navy Wants Smart Robots With Morals, Ethics

The Vacillator.

Do not feed the trolls.

On: Data Mining Shows How Down-Voting Leads To Vicious Circle of Negative Feedback

The behavior described in the study is expected. We've all seen the effects of giving trolls the attention they crave.

A more interesting study would be into the coupled nature of troller and trollee. Why are some incapable of ignoring negative provocateurs? We are told "Do not feed the trolls." But some cannot resist. Why are some incapable of letting the troll starve and vanish?

Re:Who the fuck cares?

On: Should Tesla Make Batteries Instead of Electric Cars?

Dear Mr. Musk,

I have graciously decided to bestow upon you my brilliant advice gleaned from years of research in the area of banking:

"If you make yourself big enough, the government will bail out any bankruptcy regardless of the level of fraud, malfeasance, or incompetence."

No need to thank me. But if you want to name one of your car lines after me, that'd be cool.

Sincerely,

Jeffrey Gundlach.

Wall street opinions

On: Should Tesla Make Batteries Instead of Electric Cars?

News for no one. Stuff that doesn't matter.
 

The Clippy version

On: Game of Thrones Author George R R Martin Writes with WordStar on DOS

"It looks like you're trying to write a newsletter about incestuous elves. Would you like assistance?"

Re:As a Sr. Analytics Manager...

On: Ask Slashdot: Minimum Programming Competence In Order To Get a Job?

Get into Analytics IMO, the pay is great and the work is pretty fun.

Send resume and cover letter to:

Big Brother
Every Street and Number
XXX, XXXX, XXXXX

Click here if you have forgotten your password.

On: It's World Password Day: Change Your Passwords

A new holiday will be sent to your email address.

You don't have to dig up E.T.

On: E.T. Found In New Mexico Landfill

He's self-resurecting.

More Google innovations:

On: Google's New Camera App Simulates Shallow Depth of Field

Digital TV with artificial interference.
Digital audio player that simulates permanent scratches in vinyl records.
Automobile interior that smells like horseshit.
Digital camera that 'exposes' (erases) your photos if you open the battery compartment incorrectly.

"With the magic of electronic computation..."

On: Vintage 1960s Era Film Shows IRS Defending Its Use of Computers

"This room filled with mainframes can process as many as ten tax returns for every kilowatt hour. The future is today!"

Didn't Cthulhu already solve this problem?

On: Algorithm Challenge: Burning Man Vehicle Exodus

http://www.southparkstudios.co...

10:50.

"This is the year..."

On: Michael Abrash Joins Oculus, Calls Facebook 'Final Piece of the Puzzle'

"This is the year that virtual reality becomes mainstream" [1-25]

[1] Some guy, (1964.)
[2] Some guy, (1974.)
[3] Some guy, (1979.)
[4] Some guy, (1981.)
[5] Some guy, (1982.)
[6] Some guy, (1983.)
[7] Some guy, (1984.)
[8] Some guy, (1986.)
[9] Some guy, (1989.)
[10] Some guy, (1994.)
[11] Some guy, (1995.)
[12] Some guy, (1996.)
[13] Some guy, (1997.)
[14] Some guy, (1999.)
[15] Some guy, (2000.)
[16] Some guy, (2002.)
[17] Some guy, (2003.)
[18] Some guy, (2006.)
[19] Some guy, (2007.)
[20] Some guy, (2009.)
[21] Some guy, (2010.)
[22] Some guy, (2011.)
[23] Some guy, (2012.)
[24] Some guy, (2013.)
[25] Some guy at Facebook, (2014.)

Fortunately for Jobs

On: St. Patrick's Day, March Madness, and Steve Jobs' Liver

Organ donation was open source.

National Do Not Spam registry.

On: Gmail's 'Unsubscribe' Tool Comes Out of the Weeds

We can dream, can't we?