User: Cur8or

T-101

On: Austria's 'Bionic Man' Dies In Car Crash

Was that arm perhaps a spare part from a decommissioned terminator?

Stop laughing.

On: Tapping Solar Wind's Renewable Energy

I guess it will get build when the world stops laughing. We can get it in orbit cheaply with our space elevator.

Fried egg syndrome

On: Laptop Heat May Cause 'Toasted Skin Syndrome'

Check if you have speckled eggs. Use a mirror if you find comfort in food.

Roswell

On: Morphing Metals

So there! Morphing metal was reverse engineered from a different UFO crash 16 years BEFORE Roswell.

Insert...

On: Duke Research Experiment Disrupts Internet Traffic

Insert silly Skynet/Swordfish joke here

Agnostic

On: Highly Directional Terahertz Laser Demonstrated

"All technology is neutral, including the death ray" - Prof. Farnsworth.

Compared

On: Industrial Marijuana Farming Approved In Oakland

I think they compared pot cultivation to computer chip fabrication.

99 Problems...

On: Leaving a Comment? That'll Be 99 Cents, and Your Name

and my comment ain't one.

New porn movie title

On: How the Mozilla Sniffer Backdoor Was Discovered

Ok, ok. What if the Italian pool boy's name is Mozilla and he likes sniffing "backdoors"?

Congratulations.

On: Arctic Bacteria Used To Make Cool Vaccines

Pun science has been pushed a little further.

Penetration testing

On: Canadian Arrested Over Plans to Test G20 Security

insert penetration testing joke here

Remember people

On: ICANN Likely Finally To Approve .xxx For Porn Sites

The internet is more than a global pornography network!

Re:Lol? Sif it will happen.

On: Will Australia Follow China's Google Ban?

What is the Linux-vs-MS-bound-to-be-on-/.-rule called again?

Killswitch

On: Demand For Unmanned Aircraft Outstripping Their Capabilities

As long as we can switch them off when they turn on us. Just like the internet, I mean Skynet.

StarControl 2

On: The Unsung Heroes of PC Gaming History

I can't cant even count the number of disputes this game induced and settled between my brother and I. There is something special about sharing a keyboard with your adversary.

Shipping.

On: Lord British's Lost Lunar Rover Found, After 37 Years

How much was the shipping charge?

Once again.

On: MIT Produces Electricity Using Thermopower Waves

How many times do we have to solve the energy crisis for it to really go away? Oh, and where is my jetpack? (I am happy with the progress we have made with water guns. Seems there is a group of scientists dedicated to creating more awesome super soakers)

Need for speed

On: When PC Ports of Console Games Go Wrong

You ever try to oval race a supercar with a keyboard? Damn nigh impossible. Analog input is for pussies!

"Real time"?

On: Real-Time, Movie-Quality CGI For Games

As long "real time" is not a real media - quicktime hybrid.

Mark?

On: Shuttle Makes Rare Night Landing

I thought he was retiring from Canonical?

4 in 6?

On: Owners Smash iPhones To Get Upgrades, Says Insurance Company

In my day we used to call that 2 thirds.

Don't be evil

On: Google's Experimental Fiber Network

Don't be evil, quickly!

Next up...

On: Man "Beats" World of Warcraft

Farmville! All your crops are belong to us.

What is an AUP?

On: Verizon Changes FiOS AUP, -1, Offtopic

Can someone please google AUP and tell me what it is?

New Name

On: Microsoft Investigates Windows 7 "Black Screen of Death"

We'll have to find a new name for the day the last Windows pc is shut down.