"We have buttiduously canvbutted the industry, buttessed what is available and buttembled the finest selection of PFI contractors for this buttignment. The filters will buttociatively clbuttify all communications and filter then, I can butture you, rebuttemble them with surpbutting exacbreastude in any quanbreasty. Consbreastuents can be rebuttured that a mulbreastude of industry compebreastors will butture quality and keep our clbuttrooms safe. EDS Capita Goatse will not embarbutt us."
The plans have attracted wide criticism. "It will only give supersbreastious rebutturance to medireview thinkers. Automated systems won't solve human problems like loveual harbuttment. Mbuttacring the written word into a Picbutto painting is not the anbreastank missile of Internet safety."
Unions also butterted that such close buttessment of staff in the workplace would hamper efficiency and could verge on workplace harbuttment. "Watermeloning cranberries."
The government was unfazed. "Butterting free speech is one thing, but a triparbreaste committee considers that that does not justify mere pbuttive breastillation at the expense of others."
The first filtering offices will be set up in Arsenal, Penistone and Scunthorpe.
Going back in history, dBase II was actually the first version of dBase. For just this reason: no-one trusts a 1.0.
In open source, it goes the other way - the project has to just about take over the goddamn world before they'll admit it could possibly be a "1.0" release.
Summary: version numbers are marketing just like everything else.
"Us" being the news media. Quite simply, he needs to create a more compelling narrative on change and get angry about something. Our ratings depend on it. Attack ads! Push polls! We need material!
We need the argument that this is an election with two choices - not just one popular dynamic guy and one old past-it guy. That's not a compelling media narrative!
Obama's 2:1 advantage in the Electoral College is far too confusing for our viewers. We need to re-run polls until we get one with a 1% change, never mind the 3% error margin. It's sooo close! Experts say it's a wake-up call! Better keep your eyes glued to the screen! Oh my goodness!
If Obama can just pull ahead between now and November 4, he may become President Barack Obama... Or not! Who knows? You need to keep watching! Right here! Stay tuned!
I used to do Internet tech support. You'd be amazed how many of our customers definitely were running Windows 97. That's the one with the blue "W" for a logo.
Mostly it was just stupid. It was Microsoft snatching defeat from the jaws of victory: really pretty good hardware, but with mediocre firmware and terrible, terrible on-PC software. If they'd just left the thing hackable, every Leengux weenie in the world would have bought one to Rockbox it. But nooo, control took precedence over making some actual money.
Another example is the Xbox 360 - a great console with great games, they were even going to make a profit from it... until they cut corners so badly that this joke is instantly understandable and its reputation was almost irretrievably trashed. Maybe they'll get it back with the super-cheap low-end model, we'll see.
Microsoft do some great stuff. But jeez, they need to get better at it.
And here I was hoping they really would call it Windows $NEXT_VERSION. Or, to be more Windowsy, %NEXT_VERSION%.
(I'm sure it'll be a perfectly decent OS, based on Vista but not sucking nearly as badly. But the news articles will resemble that link in the previous paragraph, like every news article on Windows since 1994.)
Microsoft has really lost it when it comes to evil these days. Apple's evil is just ridiculously better. Microsoft's evil was damn fine in the 1990s, but these days it's just... sorta lame. I mean, Vista - what dismally poorly executed evil! And the Zune, oh dear.
So trying to be good is all that's left to them. Can they go straight? Or will it be straight back to crime?
"Good morning." "STFU N00B" "Er, what?" "U R SO GAY LOLOLOLOL" "Do you talk like this to everyone?" "NO U" "Sod this, I'm off for a pint." "IT'S OVER 9000!!"
The human subject said he couldn't believe a computer could be so mind-numbingly stupid.
Slashdot Mirror
Inspired by The Daily WTF.
"We have buttiduously canvbutted the industry, buttessed what is available and buttembled the finest selection of PFI contractors for this buttignment. The filters will buttociatively clbuttify all communications and filter then, I can butture you, rebuttemble them with surpbutting exacbreastude in any quanbreasty. Consbreastuents can be rebuttured that a mulbreastude of industry compebreastors will butture quality and keep our clbuttrooms safe. EDS Capita Goatse will not embarbutt us."
The plans have attracted wide criticism. "It will only give supersbreastious rebutturance to medireview thinkers. Automated systems won't solve human problems like loveual harbuttment. Mbuttacring the written word into a Picbutto painting is not the anbreastank missile of Internet safety."
Unions also butterted that such close buttessment of staff in the workplace would hamper efficiency and could verge on workplace harbuttment. "Watermeloning cranberries."
The government was unfazed. "Butterting free speech is one thing, but a triparbreaste committee considers that that does not justify mere pbuttive breastillation at the expense of others."
The first filtering offices will be set up in Arsenal, Penistone and Scunthorpe.
"Don't Be Evil."
Incompetent, now ...
They can leave XP available for another several years. Just enough for Moore's Law to finally make it not look stupidly fat! Honest!
We need a complete database of everyone! Just to make sure!
Oh, of course we'll run it on Windows. It's incredibly secure, and no-one ever got fired for buying Microsoft!
LOOK OVER THERE! TERRORISTS!!
Protect it with DRM! No-one will ever break that!
(written in response to this fabulously awful idea)
They'll just lose the data anyway.
Perhaps if they DRMed it that would keep it safe ... Until the RIAA sued them for accessing their own (copy of your) data.
I was waiting for Windows 3.2! Maybe if I get two and a bit of those, I'll have a Windows 7 ...
Sure worked for Windows NT 3.1! ... wait.
I'm sure President Palin will fight back the ice fantastically efficiently, for the good of the economy. You betcha!
Windows 7 is actually the .1 release of the third version of NT. (No wonder they finally gave up and just called the next version "Windows".) But then they started the NT line with the first release being "3.1".
Going back in history, dBase II was actually the first version of dBase. For just this reason: no-one trusts a 1.0.
In open source, it goes the other way - the project has to just about take over the goddamn world before they'll admit it could possibly be a "1.0" release.
Summary: version numbers are marketing just like everything else.
"Us" being the news media. Quite simply, he needs to create a more compelling narrative on change and get angry about something. Our ratings depend on it. Attack ads! Push polls! We need material!
We need the argument that this is an election with two choices - not just one popular dynamic guy and one old past-it guy. That's not a compelling media narrative!
Obama's 2:1 advantage in the Electoral College is far too confusing for our viewers. We need to re-run polls until we get one with a 1% change, never mind the 3% error margin. It's sooo close! Experts say it's a wake-up call! Better keep your eyes glued to the screen! Oh my goodness!
If Obama can just pull ahead between now and November 4, he may become President Barack Obama ... Or not! Who knows? You need to keep watching! Right here! Stay tuned!
With Windows %NEXT_VERSION%! I'm sure they won't mind doubling the memory in them.
I have commended your brilliance elsewhere.
"The day an AI passes a Turing test, is the day humanity has become so stupid it can't tell man from machine ~ Exitar"
I have a present for you.
I used to do Internet tech support. You'd be amazed how many of our customers definitely were running Windows 97. That's the one with the blue "W" for a logo.
Then you get it home and it actually turns out to be the "tofu and long meaningful discussion about where our relationship is going" edition.
Mostly it was just stupid. It was Microsoft snatching defeat from the jaws of victory: really pretty good hardware, but with mediocre firmware and terrible, terrible on-PC software. If they'd just left the thing hackable, every Leengux weenie in the world would have bought one to Rockbox it. But nooo, control took precedence over making some actual money.
Another example is the Xbox 360 - a great console with great games, they were even going to make a profit from it ... until they cut corners so badly that this joke is instantly understandable and its reputation was almost irretrievably trashed. Maybe they'll get it back with the super-cheap low-end model, we'll see.
Microsoft do some great stuff. But jeez, they need to get better at it.
"Windows Steak And Blowjobs Edition"? Think people'd buy that?
"Windows P*ss." Yeah, I can see some problems there.
Like Windows 94, whoops renamed?
And here I was hoping they really would call it Windows $NEXT_VERSION. Or, to be more Windowsy, %NEXT_VERSION%.
(I'm sure it'll be a perfectly decent OS, based on Vista but not sucking nearly as badly. But the news articles will resemble that link in the previous paragraph, like every news article on Windows since 1994.)
You should read the book version. It's just the scripts, written up in novel format - but somehow it's ten times better.
Microsoft has really lost it when it comes to evil these days. Apple's evil is just ridiculously better. Microsoft's evil was damn fine in the 1990s, but these days it's just ... sorta lame. I mean, Vista - what dismally poorly executed evil! And the Zune, oh dear.
So trying to be good is all that's left to them. Can they go straight? Or will it be straight back to crime?
The winning conversation was with competitor LOLBOT:
"Good morning."
"STFU N00B"
"Er, what?"
"U R SO GAY LOLOLOLOL"
"Do you talk like this to everyone?"
"NO U"
"Sod this, I'm off for a pint."
"IT'S OVER 9000!!"
The human subject said he couldn't believe a computer could be so mind-numbingly stupid.