Speaking of Jesus, this is what you do if you're a sailor: Get a big huge tattoo of Jesus on your back. Since nobody would dare strike a picture of Christ, you won't have to endure corporal punishment if you piss off the officers.
Oh, they outlawed that years ago... Whoops, I had my time machine dailed into the wrong century.
As NASA sets course for the moon and Mars, the space agency's finances are in disarray, with significant errors in its last financial statements and inadequate documentation for $565 billion posted to its accounts, its former auditor reported.
All that money that "disappeared" went towards funding research on the frozen alien bodies they found in Roswell. I know this for a fact and I have undeniable proof: First, there was a made-for-television movie about aliens crash-landing in Roswell. Second, I was told about the frozen bodies and the research by two different people, both with tattoos stating "I've been abducted by aliens!!!" on the backs of their necks, and neither of them know each other (or so they claim).
...but instead the company should allow their employees to dedicate 1% of paid time to volunteer projects in the community
1% of paid time, eh? Suppose you work 8 hours per day. There are 60 minutes in an hour, correct? So you work, say, 480 minutes per day. If you spend 1% of your time working on volunteer projects in the community, that would be a whole whopping 4.8 minutes per day. People spend more time than that sneaking a smoke or shooting the shit by the coffee machine than that!
Conclusion: Bullshit made to sound good but mean nothing.
eBay is not a merchandising company. They simply provide the forum where buyers and sellers can come together. It's just like going to a "real" auction, except that as someone who used to buy and sell in "real" auctions, I can tell you that eBay is far more convenient, for both the buyers and the sellers.
No authentication? Just as though you were buying anywhere else, you should check the seller's feedback rating, and only buy from sellers you feel comfortable buying from. Some sellers have successfully carried out thousands of auctions on eBay, and it's not in their best interest to piss off their buyers. True, there are some jerks out there, but being careful will help you avoid them.
This is an incredibly good idea. I think every bar needs to use these. Quick response and low latency is of critical importance when you're trying to get drunk.
Now all we need is method and apparatus, er, that is, a solenoid-operated tap controlled through a command line utility that works in most UNIX shells, so we can refill our pitchers or glasses from our keyboard. It might look something like this:
refill -v=pint -b=guinness
(It would be similar to the Pizza Party utility advertised in another of/.'s stories posted tonight, except it would refill beer instead of ordering pizzas. The -b option would use a flat text file to map beer names to tap numbers for maximum convenience.)
Then, we could create a beer glass or pitcher monitoring daemon, beerd, which would invoke refill every time the pitcher empties, sending as the -b argument the name of the beer with which beerd was originally invoked.
I can see it already: U.S. Patent #287542384328092840234, Method and Apparatus for Refilling a Beer Pitcher or Glass Through a UNIX Command Line Utility, and U.S. Patent #234823084932842843492, Method and Apparatus for Providing a GUI Frontend to the Beer Refilling Command Line Utility. (The GNOME version would be called Geer, the KDE version would be called Keer, RMS would insist that names of beer should be changed to GNU/Guinness, etc.) And, needless to say, U.S. Patent #234823084932842843493, Method and Apparatus for Automatically Invoking the Beer Refilling Command Line Utility, After Optionally Displaying a Dialog Box that Reads, "Are You Sure You Want Another Pitcher, You've Already Had Ten Beers Tonight?" With The Yes And No Buttons Moving Around So The Drunk Can't Click On Them.
Then, we'll sue Darl for infringing on our patents when he's drinking his depression away after SCO crashes and burns. (What a waste of perfectly good beer.)
And as if this isn't enough, we'll invent Pay Per Drink, a system whereby you get a keg of Guinness and a tap installed in your home for free, and when you activate the tap, a charge will be made to your credit card through the Internet. Brings new meaning to DRM. But to make IRC conversations with your friends across the globe more interesting, you could download ebeerd, the Extended Beer Daemon, which would allow your friends to "buy you a beer" through the Internet, which would be dispensed through the tap at your house. Then, you can buy all your friends a round, from the comfort of everybody's home, with a single click. (GUI frontends for GNOME and KDE should be forthcoming for this one, as should a Jabber plug-in.)
Hmmmmmmmm... All this talk about beer, I need to get me a drink. Lucky I have some Guinness around.:-)
Guinness. Because friends don't let friends drink Lite Beer.
(Astute readers might notice that a long time ago, I didn't like Guinness and made a lot of posts where I said so. In fact, for a while, my sig even said something to the effect of, "George Killian's Irish Red. Because friends don't let friends drink Guinness." So what's changed? I discovered the difference between Guinness Stout and Guinness Draught. I stopped drinking Stout, started drinking Draught, and that fixed the problem. Now I drink at least a pint every night. Oh, and by the way, Irish Red is really, really good!!!)
I suppose the best thing to do, with constantly reducing prices for hard drives, is to build a RAID machine with about a terabyte of space available and store all the movies there. Then, they can be served to devices around your house.
In fact, I think a set-top style box (though still a rather big one, at least now) could be built to do exactly what consumers need. And with increasing Internet bandwidths, it would be really cool if you could buy a movie with your remote control and have it delivered and stored on your system at home. If only the big few could get past their DRM-inducing fears and offer a reasonable way for consumers to do this. I believe that if this were offered with music, back when the whole Napster thing started, downloading stuff for free might have been a fringe weird geek sort of activity, because most reasonable people would have an easy way to get perfect recordings every time for a small payment. Hopefully the movie industry won't be so blind to this gaping wide business opportunity as to cause themselves the same problem, and eventually ruin technology for everyone by making it decide what we are and aren't allowed to do.
Hmmm... This cable box sounds like a REALLY good deal! Oh, I know! Toyota should make a car that sends detailed information of its whereabouts back to Toyota headquarters, where they would have the capability to shut down your car and strand you at the side of the road if they choose. So, if you want to drive down some road that they don't like, or if you try to take it more than, say, 25 miles from your home, bam, you're stuck.
Oh, and only towtrucks from Toyota would be able to re-enable the car, after a nominal fee, of course.
For those of you too young to know/remember, there was a marvelous miniseries on television back in the 70's about Kunta Kinte, showing his life in Africa, how he got caught and brought to America to be a slave, etc. That was the show that started Levar Burton's success as an actor.
Er, what does the abbreviation "TV" mean? I am so sick and tired of stories being posted all over/.'s front page with abbreviations that they don't bother to explain. How hard is it to say, "TV, a new storage technology..."
If I were the king of my own country, I would set things up as follows:
First of all, my government's power would not be the product of my people, but rather would be the product of myself. Freedom would be a priveledge extended by the state, not by the Almighty Creator. In fact, if any religious propaganda, such as a plaque of the Ten Commandments, be found anywhere, said propaganda would immediately be removed.
Second, everybody would be my slave. Nobody would be allowed to do anything without government approval in the form of licenses (from driver licenses to business permits to rental unit occupation permits), because otherwise they would be considered terrorists and would have all of their property seized for my use.
Third, a tax system would be put into effect to steal half of everybody's income, from a numeric standpoint. I would pass legislation to make it extremely difficult to purchase and own property, and renters would be affected by high prices because their landlords would similarly have to make ends meet. Thus, with this tax system and property ownership legislation, both parents would have to work very hard to feed their children, and would be so concerned with making ends meet that they would ignore the above, because there are more pressing matters (food) to worry about. (The same tax system would further benefit me by providing detailed information, down to the finest detail, of everybody's business, because they would need to detail the source of every penny of income, and back it up with evidence. Failure to do this would constitute a felony, and would be selectively enforced to strike fear into peoples' hearts.) To steal the other half of everybody's money, the money itself would not be backed by anything of value. Thus it would be easy to continuously print money, thereby constantly increasing the total amount in circulation. This way, my government would steal the peoples' money, without reducing the amount they have from a numeric standpoint, by stealing the value of their money.
Fourth, the educational system would basically turn out people who can barely read, so they won't be smart enough to figure out what I'm doing to them.
Fifth, there would be propaganda all over the place telling people how free they are, etc.
That's how I'd run a government, if I were the king of my own country.
I don't know about ya'll/. news posters. This story (or at least very similar ones) has (or have) been posted so many times in the past few years that I'm getting really sick of hearing about it.
I'm not going to bother searching for the links to prove what I'm saying here, but rest assured it's true. I've read about fungus eating away the recorded surface, impurities in the manufacturing of the CDs, and many other weird problems that will cause CDs to rot ten days after purchase.
What I'd like is the re-release of all episodes from all three of the Mission Impossible series, on DVD, in the order they were released on television. I'd easily pay $200 for such a boxed set.
The truth is beginning to come out. The only pirates are the RIAA, who force artists to sign over their copyrights, and then pay them about 2 cents for every 100 $19.95 CD that sells. And then they go crying about how the poor starving artists are, er, poor and starving.
With the Internet age, it should be no problem for the artists to sell their music by themselves on their own website or whatever. They could charge, per song, 50 times as much as they'd get from the RIAA for that song, and still be way cheaper for the consumer than by going through the RIAA. What do you think will happen then? When you can buy a perfect digital copy of a song you want directly from a band, know that you are supporting that band (some smart businesslike marketing techniques will inform all the kids out there that this is the best thing to do so the band can afford to make more music for them), and the music will serve as advertising for concerts, merchandise, and other business opportunities.
And how will this all happen? There's only one way: All the artists refuse to work with the RIAA, and demand their copyrights back. Civil disobedience: The artists can sell new copies of the work signed over to the RIAA, without paying the RIAA for it, and when the RIAA sues, all the information will come out in court and on television. That will put the last nail in the RIAA's coffin. Those sons of bitches.
I love how Microsoft (with ads all over/. for this information), says that running Windows a Xeon-based box is cheaper than a running Linux on a mainframe. Isn't that a little like comparing apples and dildos? Yeah, like:
NEWSFLASH! Running Windows XP on $500 eMachines to check your email is way cheaper than running Linux on a 5,188-processor supercluster based on 164 IBM p690 servers, that takes 4 Boeing 747s to transport, to simulate every molecule in the universe since the big bang, said a Gartner spokesperson on Monday.
Yup. That was news to me! I'm throwing this cluster in the garbage and switching to Windows immediately. Upper management will be proud.
Rambus believes that RDRAM was not the success it should have been because chip makers did not want to pay their royalties.
So? When I made my invention (Patent #349,991,444,910,487,238,329,219, "Method and Apparatus for Simulating a Blow Job"), it wasn't the success it should have been because companies didn't want to pay royalties. But did I sue? No, because I should have either lowered the royalty amounts, or I should have tried other marketing approaches.
Besides, can they read the future? Do they have proof that their technology should have been more successful? Only the market can decide if something should be successful or not. And more often than not, those companies that succeed do so because they made smart business moves.
I *HATE* companies that want to profit through litigation instead of through innovation, business sense, and smart marketing. The way I see it, a good businessman uses lawsuits only as a last resort. Those who immediately run to a lawyer for every little thing are either sleazeballs, or they expect the state to be their nanny.
Not to mention that litigation is expensive and wasteful, because I'm sure that given more time, the courts could improve the quality of their decisions, rather than the quantity thereof.
Oh, and finally, I didn't really invent that blow job machine I mentioned above.
"d00d" = vocative singular. "que"=??? but "qu..." words are usually question words like which/what/who/where.
"significa" = an instruction to show (present active indicitive 2nd person singular.)
"su" = ?? Do you mean 'tu'?
Your analysis is pretty close... I was speaking what might be considered "vulgar Latin," or Spanish, a direct descendant of the Latin language. "Que" should have an accent mark on the 'e', signifying "what" in question form; "significa" means "signifies", and "su" means "your" in polite conversation. In other words, what does your.sig mean?:-)
The.sig means: "Four things in this world are sacred: books, children, freedom and generosity."
Oh, you mean, "Cuatro cosas en este mundo son consagrados: libros, ninos, libertad, y generosidad." Now that makes sense!:-) (The second 'n' in Ninos should have a tilde. I don't type the special characters because from experience,/. messes them up.)
Seriously though, thanks for taking the time to answer. I'll take a gander at your journal...
The most powerful search yet for the Universe's missing matter has come up empty handed...
Then Broderbund needs to make a new game: "Where in the Universe is Carmen Sandiego?" Good morning crime stopper. Your current rank is gumshoe.... 60% of the universe's matter was discovered missing yesterday, along with the St. Louis Gateway Arch and Riverfront, and the campus of Microsoft. Authorities have tracked Carmen to the Horsehead Nebula, but lost her trail there. Fortunately, we have some leads.... These cases need solving. Good luck Gumshoe.
Ah, the good ol' days of the late 80's, when I used to play my kids' videogames. Oooooooh well.
First, I would decide what your target audience is. Joe Lusers? 1337 h4x0rz? Veteran Linux users? Admins? Businesses?
Then, you can find out what factors might be important to that target group. Say, you're reviewing distros for Joe Noobie. Using this, you might concentrate on things that might be important to that class of user. (How to get up and running. Such as, where can the distro be obtained? Is it downloaded, purchased, or does it come on a computer you can order? What's your prior experience with this distro, if any?) Then, you would concentrate on things that your class of user might want to accomplish. (Email, text messaging, browsing, watching movies, downloading and properly installing spyware, to make their computer suck, making them feel right at home, Windows-style, etc.)
Finally, to make the review interesting, different, and thought provoking, I would detail the steps I took to get form point A to point B in the review (special commands you might have had to type, or insights you have on how to get something done), and explain it in such a way that will encourage feedback, further experimentation, other reviews, and maybe even (hopefully) improvements in the product.
Ooops, I must be getting retarded or something, because I thought that said BitKeeper, as in Linus' controversial choice of version control program, not BitTorrent... You know, kind of like there's CVSup, among other CVS clients?
I'm told the eyesight goes first, and then the mind... Well, I already wear glasses.:-(
800K? That's nothing. I think they need to invent a new kind of legal remedy. Some of you know about the separate existance of punitive damages and treble damages.
They need to invent treble punitive damages. In other words, the court figures out what amount of damage award will hurt the defendant (punitive), and then triple that amount (treble) to come up with the final answer.
Oh, and did I mention that all treble punitive damages would be paid directly to the free software foundation?
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"Doek okewn uoenie oiile suienvg vaig asosovi veiinga vrine mnehigue", which is Cayepet for:
"In otin ihuan in tonaltin nican tzonquica", which is Nahuatl for:
"Aqui terminan los caminos y los dias", which is Spanish for:
Here end the roads and the days.
All they had to do was ask me. Experts my butt.
Homo sum. Nihil humanum a me alienum puto. [I am a man: nothing human is alien to me. -- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)] (And don't call me a puto.)
Oh, they outlawed that years ago... Whoops, I had my time machine dailed into the wrong century.
All that money that "disappeared" went towards funding research on the frozen alien bodies they found in Roswell. I know this for a fact and I have undeniable proof: First, there was a made-for-television movie about aliens crash-landing in Roswell. Second, I was told about the frozen bodies and the research by two different people, both with tattoos stating "I've been abducted by aliens!!!" on the backs of their necks, and neither of them know each other (or so they claim).
1% of paid time, eh? Suppose you work 8 hours per day. There are 60 minutes in an hour, correct? So you work, say, 480 minutes per day. If you spend 1% of your time working on volunteer projects in the community, that would be a whole whopping 4.8 minutes per day. People spend more time than that sneaking a smoke or shooting the shit by the coffee machine than that!
Conclusion: Bullshit made to sound good but mean nothing.
No authentication? Just as though you were buying anywhere else, you should check the seller's feedback rating, and only buy from sellers you feel comfortable buying from. Some sellers have successfully carried out thousands of auctions on eBay, and it's not in their best interest to piss off their buyers. True, there are some jerks out there, but being careful will help you avoid them.
Now all we need is method and apparatus, er, that is, a solenoid-operated tap controlled through a command line utility that works in most UNIX shells, so we can refill our pitchers or glasses from our keyboard. It might look something like this:
(It would be similar to the Pizza Party utility advertised in another of /.'s stories posted tonight, except it would refill beer instead of ordering pizzas. The -b option would use a flat text file to map beer names to tap numbers for maximum convenience.)
Then, we could create a beer glass or pitcher monitoring daemon, beerd, which would invoke refill every time the pitcher empties, sending as the -b argument the name of the beer with which beerd was originally invoked.
I can see it already: U.S. Patent #287542384328092840234, Method and Apparatus for Refilling a Beer Pitcher or Glass Through a UNIX Command Line Utility, and U.S. Patent #234823084932842843492, Method and Apparatus for Providing a GUI Frontend to the Beer Refilling Command Line Utility. (The GNOME version would be called Geer, the KDE version would be called Keer, RMS would insist that names of beer should be changed to GNU/Guinness, etc.) And, needless to say, U.S. Patent #234823084932842843493, Method and Apparatus for Automatically Invoking the Beer Refilling Command Line Utility, After Optionally Displaying a Dialog Box that Reads, "Are You Sure You Want Another Pitcher, You've Already Had Ten Beers Tonight?" With The Yes And No Buttons Moving Around So The Drunk Can't Click On Them.
Then, we'll sue Darl for infringing on our patents when he's drinking his depression away after SCO crashes and burns. (What a waste of perfectly good beer.)
And as if this isn't enough, we'll invent Pay Per Drink, a system whereby you get a keg of Guinness and a tap installed in your home for free, and when you activate the tap, a charge will be made to your credit card through the Internet. Brings new meaning to DRM. But to make IRC conversations with your friends across the globe more interesting, you could download ebeerd, the Extended Beer Daemon, which would allow your friends to "buy you a beer" through the Internet, which would be dispensed through the tap at your house. Then, you can buy all your friends a round, from the comfort of everybody's home, with a single click. (GUI frontends for GNOME and KDE should be forthcoming for this one, as should a Jabber plug-in.)
Hmmmmmmmm... All this talk about beer, I need to get me a drink. Lucky I have some Guinness around. :-)
Guinness. Because friends don't let friends drink Lite Beer.
(Astute readers might notice that a long time ago, I didn't like Guinness and made a lot of posts where I said so. In fact, for a while, my sig even said something to the effect of, "George Killian's Irish Red. Because friends don't let friends drink Guinness." So what's changed? I discovered the difference between Guinness Stout and Guinness Draught. I stopped drinking Stout, started drinking Draught, and that fixed the problem. Now I drink at least a pint every night. Oh, and by the way, Irish Red is really, really good!!!)
In fact, I think a set-top style box (though still a rather big one, at least now) could be built to do exactly what consumers need. And with increasing Internet bandwidths, it would be really cool if you could buy a movie with your remote control and have it delivered and stored on your system at home. If only the big few could get past their DRM-inducing fears and offer a reasonable way for consumers to do this. I believe that if this were offered with music, back when the whole Napster thing started, downloading stuff for free might have been a fringe weird geek sort of activity, because most reasonable people would have an easy way to get perfect recordings every time for a small payment. Hopefully the movie industry won't be so blind to this gaping wide business opportunity as to cause themselves the same problem, and eventually ruin technology for everyone by making it decide what we are and aren't allowed to do.
Oh, and only towtrucks from Toyota would be able to re-enable the car, after a nominal fee, of course.
For those of you too young to know/remember, there was a marvelous miniseries on television back in the 70's about Kunta Kinte, showing his life in Africa, how he got caught and brought to America to be a slave, etc. That was the show that started Levar Burton's success as an actor.
Funny, I was just thinking about that today.
We are Linux. You will be assimilated. Your physical and intellectual property will be added to our own. Resistance is futile.
Man, oh man... Your grammar sucks, but I have to say, this is one of the funniest posts I have ever seen on Slashdot!!!
Er, what does the abbreviation "TV" mean? I am so sick and tired of stories being posted all over /.'s front page with abbreviations that they don't bother to explain. How hard is it to say, "TV, a new storage technology..."
First of all, my government's power would not be the product of my people, but rather would be the product of myself. Freedom would be a priveledge extended by the state, not by the Almighty Creator. In fact, if any religious propaganda, such as a plaque of the Ten Commandments, be found anywhere, said propaganda would immediately be removed.
Second, everybody would be my slave. Nobody would be allowed to do anything without government approval in the form of licenses (from driver licenses to business permits to rental unit occupation permits), because otherwise they would be considered terrorists and would have all of their property seized for my use.
Third, a tax system would be put into effect to steal half of everybody's income, from a numeric standpoint. I would pass legislation to make it extremely difficult to purchase and own property, and renters would be affected by high prices because their landlords would similarly have to make ends meet. Thus, with this tax system and property ownership legislation, both parents would have to work very hard to feed their children, and would be so concerned with making ends meet that they would ignore the above, because there are more pressing matters (food) to worry about. (The same tax system would further benefit me by providing detailed information, down to the finest detail, of everybody's business, because they would need to detail the source of every penny of income, and back it up with evidence. Failure to do this would constitute a felony, and would be selectively enforced to strike fear into peoples' hearts.) To steal the other half of everybody's money, the money itself would not be backed by anything of value. Thus it would be easy to continuously print money, thereby constantly increasing the total amount in circulation. This way, my government would steal the peoples' money, without reducing the amount they have from a numeric standpoint, by stealing the value of their money.
Fourth, the educational system would basically turn out people who can barely read, so they won't be smart enough to figure out what I'm doing to them.
Fifth, there would be propaganda all over the place telling people how free they are, etc.
That's how I'd run a government, if I were the king of my own country.
I'm not going to bother searching for the links to prove what I'm saying here, but rest assured it's true. I've read about fungus eating away the recorded surface, impurities in the manufacturing of the CDs, and many other weird problems that will cause CDs to rot ten days after purchase.
What I'd like is the re-release of all episodes from all three of the Mission Impossible series, on DVD, in the order they were released on television. I'd easily pay $200 for such a boxed set.
With the Internet age, it should be no problem for the artists to sell their music by themselves on their own website or whatever. They could charge, per song, 50 times as much as they'd get from the RIAA for that song, and still be way cheaper for the consumer than by going through the RIAA. What do you think will happen then? When you can buy a perfect digital copy of a song you want directly from a band, know that you are supporting that band (some smart businesslike marketing techniques will inform all the kids out there that this is the best thing to do so the band can afford to make more music for them), and the music will serve as advertising for concerts, merchandise, and other business opportunities.
And how will this all happen? There's only one way: All the artists refuse to work with the RIAA, and demand their copyrights back. Civil disobedience: The artists can sell new copies of the work signed over to the RIAA, without paying the RIAA for it, and when the RIAA sues, all the information will come out in court and on television. That will put the last nail in the RIAA's coffin. Those sons of bitches.
So? When I made my invention (Patent #349,991,444,910,487,238,329,219, "Method and Apparatus for Simulating a Blow Job"), it wasn't the success it should have been because companies didn't want to pay royalties. But did I sue? No, because I should have either lowered the royalty amounts, or I should have tried other marketing approaches.
Besides, can they read the future? Do they have proof that their technology should have been more successful? Only the market can decide if something should be successful or not. And more often than not, those companies that succeed do so because they made smart business moves.
I * HATE * companies that want to profit through litigation instead of through innovation, business sense, and smart marketing. The way I see it, a good businessman uses lawsuits only as a last resort. Those who immediately run to a lawyer for every little thing are either sleazeballs, or they expect the state to be their nanny.
Not to mention that litigation is expensive and wasteful, because I'm sure that given more time, the courts could improve the quality of their decisions, rather than the quantity thereof.
Oh, and finally, I didn't really invent that blow job machine I mentioned above.
"que"=??? but "qu..." words are usually question words like which/what/who/where.
"significa" = an instruction to show (present active indicitive 2nd person singular.)
"su" = ?? Do you mean 'tu'?
Your analysis is pretty close... I was speaking what might be considered "vulgar Latin," or Spanish, a direct descendant of the Latin language. "Que" should have an accent mark on the 'e', signifying "what" in question form; "significa" means "signifies", and "su" means "your" in polite conversation. In other words, what does your .sig mean? :-)
The .sig means:
"Four things in this world are sacred: books, children, freedom and generosity."
Oh, you mean, "Cuatro cosas en este mundo son consagrados: libros, ninos, libertad, y generosidad." Now that makes sense! :-) (The second 'n' in Ninos should have a tilde. I don't type the special characters because from experience, /. messes them up.)
Seriously though, thanks for taking the time to answer. I'll take a gander at your journal...
Then Broderbund needs to make a new game: "Where in the Universe is Carmen Sandiego?" Good morning crime stopper. Your current rank is gumshoe. ... 60% of the universe's matter was discovered missing yesterday, along with the St. Louis Gateway Arch and Riverfront, and the campus of Microsoft. Authorities have tracked Carmen to the Horsehead Nebula, but lost her trail there. Fortunately, we have some leads. ... These cases need solving. Good luck Gumshoe.
Ah, the good ol' days of the late 80's, when I used to play my kids' videogames. Oooooooh well.
d00d, que significa su .sig?
Then, you can find out what factors might be important to that target group. Say, you're reviewing distros for Joe Noobie. Using this, you might concentrate on things that might be important to that class of user. (How to get up and running. Such as, where can the distro be obtained? Is it downloaded, purchased, or does it come on a computer you can order? What's your prior experience with this distro, if any?) Then, you would concentrate on things that your class of user might want to accomplish. (Email, text messaging, browsing, watching movies, downloading and properly installing spyware, to make their computer suck, making them feel right at home, Windows-style, etc.)
Finally, to make the review interesting, different, and thought provoking, I would detail the steps I took to get form point A to point B in the review (special commands you might have had to type, or insights you have on how to get something done), and explain it in such a way that will encourage feedback, further experimentation, other reviews, and maybe even (hopefully) improvements in the product.
I'm told the eyesight goes first, and then the mind... Well, I already wear glasses. :-(
They need to invent treble punitive damages. In other words, the court figures out what amount of damage award will hurt the defendant (punitive), and then triple that amount (treble) to come up with the final answer.
Oh, and did I mention that all treble punitive damages would be paid directly to the free software foundation?
Why do you have to do this?