I read The Practical SQL Handbook: Using SQL Variants, and I didn't find it to be very helpful. My best recommendation would be O'Reilly's book, as well as a couple of others.
I was making a milk shake when some uranium I had brought home from the lab fell into the blender. I had used the last of my milk, sugar and icecream on that milkshake, and all the stores were closed. So I drank it anyway. Damn, it was good.
When I awoke the next morning, my body was covered in green scales, even my pee pee. It looked pretty cool, so I jacked off a couple of times. The semen was a flourescent green that even glowed in the dark!
So anyway, as the day progressed, I noticed that I was growing. By sundown I was 20 feet tall, and by dawn I was 50 feet tall. All that growing made me hungry, so I ate the barrel-shaped Lucky Burger restaurant near my house. That was tasty, too.
Then I realized that with my new-found great powers come great responsibilities. So one by one, I tracked down and blasted the rogue LINUX programmers with my fire-breath. Then I ate them. They were okay, they needed a little pepper.
In retrospect, I'm glad this happened to me because now the world is free from those open-source, communist terrorists. Now decent, law-abiding Americans like the good people at Newsmax.com can continue the only way of life, the American way. God bless America! Remember 9-11!
The thing about crack is that the way it's prepared, smoking it delivers all of the cocaine effects in one fell swoop of a rush--crack users describe their first time as being the most intensely pleasurable experience possible. However, the high only lasts for a very short while, which makes crackheads pretty strung out until they get some more.
So calling someone a crackhead is to comment on their being either 1) completely and utterly out of their mind 2) in a strung-out stupor.
Hope this helps!
It sure as fuck helped me! I smoked some crack - in my buttcrack - and went completely crazy. I don't remember much, I think I ate some dog turds and attacked a tree. But then I had a second round of crack and managed to smoke myself full-circle. Now I'm not crazy any more!
I got really bored and horny while reading through the EULA for the interactive software that came on the "Girls Gone Wild" DVD the other day, and some guys were mixing cement out on the street. So I went over to the cement mixer and fucked it! Oooohh!
But then my dick got caught in the gears. It kinda hurt, but in a good way. Plus all the cement made for a very comfortable sort of abrasive, gushy feeling. Anyway, to make a long story short, I eventually managed to pull my bloody, cement-spattered, mangled member out of the cement mixer. So then I went home and finished jacking off to the EULA. God bless America!
What about Intel's previous entry into the novelty denture market? One can hardly forget the "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT" canine dentures for 'ol Rover. For a few weeks after that, you couldn't walk into a Walgreen's without seeing miles of displays of that. Why not?
I am dead by boredom.
Killed by being beat over the head
with the Terrible Stick of Stagnation.
Wish I could go to bed.
Wish I could get some head.
Where is sex?
Why my butt?
Have I gone to shoe?
I don't understand,
my ass.
Oh, ass.
Bill Clinton has ass.
John Ashcroft is ass. Wesley Willis kicks ass.
A fifth line that says, "ass".
Can I get a witness?
All your base are detonated by my dick.
GG Allin is your savior,
play in his skat.
Skat or Die was a cool game for the Nintendo,
and no, I don't mean "Skate or Die."
I mean skat.
Skat, cat.
Green eggs and skat.
"No, I will not fuck you in the green ass,
I will not with a shard of glass,
On this I will pass,
Give me instead a cute lass.
I will not lick green eggs and skat!"
Re:This is NOT really great
on
GNOME 2.0 Beta
·
· Score: -1
I've always thought that GNOME looked nicer than the windows or mac desktops (almost as nice as BeOS), and it's really cool to see that it's getting even prettier.
I'm going to save you from your own ultra-stupidity by ripping open your hard drive and taking a shit right on the platters. Eat my ass, you cum-sucking bottom-feeder.
I can't believe you fuck-faces don't believe having Microsoft on your cell phone is a good idea. If any of you whackers ever come near me with some unholy LinuxPhone or PDA running Linux, I'll rip off the cover and make you watch while I take a shit inside your gadget. Fuck all of you. Who wants to eat it? Do you? You do, don't you! Come get some, bitch!
"Hey, Dr. Bobkowicz. Did you want to talk about that new human-computer interaction experiment now?"
"Actually, yes."
"Hey, why do you have that aluminum bat?"
Blackness. Then sharp pain on my forehead. I awoke to find myself naked and chained to a wall in a room that while it was similarly decorated (plain white walls, no windows, cheap, gray carpet and gray, rubber molding) to the lab, it wasn't a room I recognized. Dr. Bobkowicz returned with another person whose face I couldn't quite recognize. She was carrying a large object in her hands, although my vision was still too blurry to make out what it was.
"Ah, I see you're awake now. Now I would like to talk about that new study. This time, my faithful assisstant, you are the subject."
"I'm the subject? But I didn't sign any consent form for your BDSM fantasy! I -"
"Ah, but I don't need your consent."
"But, the IRB! And what are you holding?"
"This? Oh, it's an electric shrub pruner, which brings us to the first phase of the experiment. I'm going to make you into a cyborg... running Windows XP!"
"What?!? Fuck off, you horrible monster! This body bleeds seven colors!"
By this point my vision was beginning to come back into focus and I really didn't like how she was brandishing that electric pruner, especially since I could now see all of its shiny, metallic, sharp teeth in perfect detail.
"Yes, and I'm going to make some Windows in you so I can take a peek at all those processes occupying your CPU time! Ha ha! You're supposed to laugh at my little joke, flunky."
At this point, her new assisstant, a large, balding 40's-ish man, erupted in forced laughter.
"That's enough, Steve. Now then, first thing's first. You won't be needing that anymore..."
Zzsst! Just like that, my dick was gone.
"You bitch! I needed that to jack off with!"
"Well, no more. Connect the serial port now!"
"Serial port? But that's obsolete technology!"
"Hmmph! Next you'll be trying to tell me that floppy drives are obsolete, too. Install the serial port, Steve."
"No, no! The IRB will make you pay for this, bitch!"
I couldn't bear to watch, so I blacked out.
I had a great stiffy when I woke up this morning. I jumped out of bed and was all ready to run to the bathroom and jack off right before my shower. So I threw on some shorts and a shirt and made a bee line for the bathroom.
Then my mom intercepted me in the hallway to tell me about how her irises are blooming in the backyard. What a way to kill an erection.
More Hazards of Research
on
Inside Intel
·
· Score: -1
"Hey, Dr. Bobkowicz. Did you want to talk about that new human-computer interaction experiment now?"
"Actually, yes."
"Hey, why do you have that aluminum bat?"
Blackness. Then sharp pain on my forehead. I awoke to find myself naked and chained to a wall in a room that while it was similarly decorated (plain white walls, no windows, cheap, gray carpet and gray, rubber molding) to the lab, it wasn't a room I recognized. Dr. Bobkowicz returned with another person whose face I couldn't quite recognize. She was carrying a large object in her hands, although my vision was still too blurry to make out what it was.
"Ah, I see you're awake now. Now I would like to talk about that new study. This time, my faithful assisstant, you are the subject."
"I'm the subject? But I didn't sign any consent form for your BDSM fantasy! I -"
"Ah, but I don't need your consent."
"But, the IRB! And what are you holding?"
"This? Oh, it's an electric shrub pruner, which brings us to the first phase of the experiment. I'm going to make you into a cyborg... running Windows XP!"
"What?!? Fuck off, you horrible monster! This body bleeds seven colors!"
By this point my vision was beginning to come back into focus and I really didn't like how she was brandishing that electric pruner, especially since I could now see all of its shiny, metallic, sharp teeth in perfect detail.
"Yes, and I'm going to make some Windows in you so I can take a peek at all those processes occupying your CPU time! Ha ha! You're supposed to laugh at my little joke, flunky."
At this point, her new assisstant, a large, balding 40's-ish man, erupted in forced laughter.
"That's enough, Steve. Now then, first thing's first. You won't be needing that anymore..."
Zzsst! Just like that, my dick was gone.
"You bitch! I needed that to jack off with!"
"Well, no more. Connect the serial port now!"
"Serial port? But that's obsolete technology!"
"Hmmph! Next you'll be trying to tell me that floppy drives are obsolete, too. Install the serial port, Steve."
"No, no! The IRB will make you pay for this, bitch!"
I couldn't bear to watch, so I blacked out.
To be continued...
I work as a research assisstant for a Psychology lab
at a major university. Part of my duties includes
running experiments on undergrads. I had just finished
running this one experiment on a very attractive young
lady. Just when I was moving to thank her for her
participation and show her to the door, she
interrupts.
"Look, I hate to beg, but I really need some extra
credit for psyc 101. If my final grade stinks as much
as my current grade, my parents will cut off my
allowance. Could you spot me a few extra participation
points?"
"I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to do that." What a
pathetic grade-grubber.
That's when the brat began sobbing and blubbering.
"But I can't fail this class! I got straight A's in
highschool! I'll be a disgrace! I -"
"Well, I'm sorry but I can only award credit
commensurate with the amount of time you give us. I -"
"What if I give you a blow job?"
Did she just say that? I'd better come up with a
generic response if I didn't want to come off
soundling like a big pervert in case she hadn't just
tried to bribe me with oral pleasure.
"Sure, okay."
"Ten credits, I'll even swallow."
"Deal."
My remaining disbelief disappeared the minute \ she
unzipped my trousers and opened wide. My Jimmy was
having a thoroughly good time, at first. But then I
got a little nibble, and then another.
"Um, could you please stop biting me?"
" I can't help it, my braces only allow
me to open my mouth so far."
Braces!?! This chick had braces? I guess The Castle
Dental Center's advertised "invisible braces" really
held true to their claim. Normally I would have
avoided a metal-mouth right off the bat, but I'd been
duped by The Castle. Common sense told me, begged me
to abort immediately, but I've never been one to pull
the pancakes off the griddle before they were done
just because a cockroach had fallen into the batter. I
was going to complete this transaction.
"ooh! ow! ooooh! ow-OW! oooh! ow!"
Five minutes later, the pancakes were done. My
participant attempted to dismount, but something was
wrong. My flesh was caught in her braces! I tried to
work my pee-pee's way carefully and slowly out of her
mouth, but she wouldn't hold still! Suddenly she
jerked her head back and a flap of skin tore off. I
screamed. She picked her teeth with her pinky nail,
said, "Thanks for the credits!" cheerily and walked
out.
I lay on the floor in a fetal position, my member
bleeding, for an hour or so until a scab had formed. I
get my dick cut up on Miss Piranha's maw of death and
she gets ten credits?!? But she didn't have the
credits yet - I had to award them! I still had control
of the situation! Oh sweet revenge! Negative
one-hundred for you, bitch!
Apparently pr0n can act as an effective study tool for things like SAT vocabulary. Here's a brief excerpt: "He caressed Malcolm's lingam with his maw and masticated vociferously."
Apparently there's so much space-junk floating around in orbit now (wrenches that get away from space-walking astronauts, old satellites, bodies of space-walking astronauts who never quite made it back, etc) that it's all beginning to rain back down to earth. Here's a story about that.
"Slashdot reader since 1997 "
OOOooohhh!! Aren't you a 1337 little h2>0r? God, I can't believe how truly FUCKING STUPID you are. Why don't you eat some baked beans out of my asshole, asshole?
Slashdot Mirror
That shit can eat of my belch gas!
I read The Practical SQL Handbook: Using SQL Variants, and I didn't find it to be very helpful. My best recommendation would be O'Reilly's book, as well as a couple of others.
I was making a milk shake when some uranium I had brought home from the lab fell into the blender. I had used the last of my milk, sugar and icecream on that milkshake, and all the stores were closed. So I drank it anyway. Damn, it was good.
When I awoke the next morning, my body was covered in green scales, even my pee pee. It looked pretty cool, so I jacked off a couple of times. The semen was a flourescent green that even glowed in the dark!
So anyway, as the day progressed, I noticed that I was growing. By sundown I was 20 feet tall, and by dawn I was 50 feet tall. All that growing made me hungry, so I ate the barrel-shaped Lucky Burger restaurant near my house. That was tasty, too.
Then I realized that with my new-found great powers come great responsibilities. So one by one, I tracked down and blasted the rogue LINUX programmers with my fire-breath. Then I ate them. They were okay, they needed a little pepper.
In retrospect, I'm glad this happened to me because now the world is free from those open-source, communist terrorists. Now decent, law-abiding Americans like the good people at Newsmax.com can continue the only way of life, the American way. God bless America! Remember 9-11!
Oh jesus! That's so good that it makes me jack off into my own face!
The thing about crack is that the way it's prepared, smoking it delivers all of the cocaine effects in one fell swoop of a rush--crack users describe their first time as being the most intensely pleasurable experience possible. However, the high only lasts for a very short while, which makes crackheads pretty strung out until they get some more.
So calling someone a crackhead is to comment on their being either 1) completely and utterly out of their mind 2) in a strung-out stupor.
Hope this helps!
It sure as fuck helped me! I smoked some crack - in my buttcrack - and went completely crazy. I don't remember much, I think I ate some dog turds and attacked a tree. But then I had a second round of crack and managed to smoke myself full-circle. Now I'm not crazy any more!
I got really bored and horny while reading through the EULA for the interactive software that came on the "Girls Gone Wild" DVD the other day, and some guys were mixing cement out on the street. So I went over to the cement mixer and fucked it! Oooohh!
But then my dick got caught in the gears. It kinda hurt, but in a good way. Plus all the cement made for a very comfortable sort of abrasive, gushy feeling. Anyway, to make a long story short, I eventually managed to pull my bloody, cement-spattered, mangled member out of the cement mixer. So then I went home and finished jacking off to the EULA. God bless America!
I had anal sex with Melissa Joan Hart. But this was back in her Clarissa days, back when she was cool. Then I gave her a Dirty Sanchez (#23). She liked it.
THIS!
God I'm so fucking horny because of Red Hat that I forgot what this story was even about! Somebody get me a towel!!! Linux root maturbate ugh!!!!!:@:KJ@#F:LEKFJWE ## wfiwje
What about Intel's previous entry into the novelty denture market? One can hardly forget the "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT" canine dentures for 'ol Rover. For a few weeks after that, you couldn't walk into a Walgreen's without seeing miles of displays of that. Why not?
I am dead by boredom.
Killed by being beat over the head
with the Terrible Stick of Stagnation.
Wish I could go to bed.
Wish I could get some head.
Where is sex?
Why my butt?
Have I gone to shoe?
I don't understand,
my ass.
Oh, ass.
Bill Clinton has ass.
John Ashcroft is ass.
Wesley Willis kicks ass.
A fifth line that says, "ass".
Can I get a witness?
All your base are detonated by my dick.
GG Allin is your savior,
play in his skat.
Skat or Die was a cool game for the Nintendo,
and no, I don't mean "Skate or Die."
I mean skat.
Skat, cat.
Green eggs and skat.
"No, I will not fuck you in the green ass,
I will not with a shard of glass,
On this I will pass,
Give me instead a cute lass.
I will not lick green eggs and skat!"
I'll mod up any karma whore who gives me a blowjob (no braces!)
An article by Michael J. DeMaria over at networkcomputing.com.
I've always thought that GNOME looked nicer than the windows or mac desktops (almost as nice as BeOS), and it's really cool to see that it's getting even prettier.
I'm going to save you from your own ultra-stupidity by ripping open your hard drive and taking a shit right on the platters. Eat my ass, you cum-sucking bottom-feeder.
I just farted, and sweet jebus it smells so bad!
I can't believe you fuck-faces don't believe having Microsoft on your cell phone is a good idea. If any of you whackers ever come near me with some unholy LinuxPhone or PDA running Linux, I'll rip off the cover and make you watch while I take a shit inside your gadget. Fuck all of you. Who wants to eat it? Do you? You do, don't you! Come get some, bitch!
I.
"Hey, Dr. Bobkowicz. Did you want to talk about that new human-computer interaction experiment now?"
"Actually, yes."
"Hey, why do you have that aluminum bat?"
Blackness. Then sharp pain on my forehead. I awoke to find myself naked and chained to a wall in a room that while it was similarly decorated (plain white walls, no windows, cheap, gray carpet and gray, rubber molding) to the lab, it wasn't a room I recognized. Dr. Bobkowicz returned with another person whose face I couldn't quite recognize. She was carrying a large object in her hands, although my vision was still too blurry to make out what it was.
"Ah, I see you're awake now. Now I would like to talk about that new study. This time, my faithful assisstant, you are the subject."
"I'm the subject? But I didn't sign any consent form for your BDSM fantasy! I -"
"Ah, but I don't need your consent."
"But, the IRB! And what are you holding?"
"This? Oh, it's an electric shrub pruner, which brings us to the first phase of the experiment. I'm going to make you into a cyborg... running Windows XP!"
"What?!? Fuck off, you horrible monster! This body bleeds seven colors!"
By this point my vision was beginning to come back into focus and I really didn't like how she was brandishing that electric pruner, especially since I could now see all of its shiny, metallic, sharp teeth in perfect detail.
"Yes, and I'm going to make some Windows in you so I can take a peek at all those processes occupying your CPU time! Ha ha! You're supposed to laugh at my little joke, flunky."
At this point, her new assisstant, a large, balding 40's-ish man, erupted in forced laughter.
"That's enough, Steve. Now then, first thing's first. You won't be needing that anymore..."
Zzsst! Just like that, my dick was gone.
"You bitch! I needed that to jack off with!"
"Well, no more. Connect the serial port now!"
"Serial port? But that's obsolete technology!"
"Hmmph! Next you'll be trying to tell me that floppy drives are obsolete, too. Install the serial port, Steve."
"No, no! The IRB will make you pay for this, bitch!"
I couldn't bear to watch, so I blacked out.
I had a great stiffy when I woke up this morning. I jumped out of bed and was all ready to run to the bathroom and jack off right before my shower. So I threw on some shorts and a shirt and made a bee line for the bathroom. Then my mom intercepted me in the hallway to tell me about how her irises are blooming in the backyard. What a way to kill an erection.
"Hey, Dr. Bobkowicz. Did you want to talk about that new human-computer interaction experiment now?" "Actually, yes." "Hey, why do you have that aluminum bat?" Blackness. Then sharp pain on my forehead. I awoke to find myself naked and chained to a wall in a room that while it was similarly decorated (plain white walls, no windows, cheap, gray carpet and gray, rubber molding) to the lab, it wasn't a room I recognized. Dr. Bobkowicz returned with another person whose face I couldn't quite recognize. She was carrying a large object in her hands, although my vision was still too blurry to make out what it was. "Ah, I see you're awake now. Now I would like to talk about that new study. This time, my faithful assisstant, you are the subject." "I'm the subject? But I didn't sign any consent form for your BDSM fantasy! I -" "Ah, but I don't need your consent." "But, the IRB! And what are you holding?" "This? Oh, it's an electric shrub pruner, which brings us to the first phase of the experiment. I'm going to make you into a cyborg... running Windows XP!" "What?!? Fuck off, you horrible monster! This body bleeds seven colors!" By this point my vision was beginning to come back into focus and I really didn't like how she was brandishing that electric pruner, especially since I could now see all of its shiny, metallic, sharp teeth in perfect detail. "Yes, and I'm going to make some Windows in you so I can take a peek at all those processes occupying your CPU time! Ha ha! You're supposed to laugh at my little joke, flunky." At this point, her new assisstant, a large, balding 40's-ish man, erupted in forced laughter. "That's enough, Steve. Now then, first thing's first. You won't be needing that anymore..." Zzsst! Just like that, my dick was gone. "You bitch! I needed that to jack off with!" "Well, no more. Connect the serial port now!" "Serial port? But that's obsolete technology!" "Hmmph! Next you'll be trying to tell me that floppy drives are obsolete, too. Install the serial port, Steve." "No, no! The IRB will make you pay for this, bitch!" I couldn't bear to watch, so I blacked out. To be continued...
I work as a research assisstant for a Psychology lab
at a major university. Part of my duties includes
running experiments on undergrads. I had just finished
running this one experiment on a very attractive young
lady. Just when I was moving to thank her for her
participation and show her to the door, she
interrupts.
"Look, I hate to beg, but I really need some extra
credit for psyc 101. If my final grade stinks as much
as my current grade, my parents will cut off my
allowance. Could you spot me a few extra participation
points?"
"I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to do that." What a
pathetic grade-grubber.
That's when the brat began sobbing and blubbering.
"But I can't fail this class! I got straight A's in
highschool! I'll be a disgrace! I -"
"Well, I'm sorry but I can only award credit
commensurate with the amount of time you give us. I -"
"What if I give you a blow job?"
Did she just say that? I'd better come up with a
generic response if I didn't want to come off
soundling like a big pervert in case she hadn't just
tried to bribe me with oral pleasure.
"Sure, okay."
"Ten credits, I'll even swallow."
"Deal."
My remaining disbelief disappeared the minute \ she
unzipped my trousers and opened wide. My Jimmy was
having a thoroughly good time, at first. But then I
got a little nibble, and then another.
"Um, could you please stop biting me?"
" I can't help it, my braces only allow
me to open my mouth so far."
Braces!?! This chick had braces? I guess The Castle
Dental Center's advertised "invisible braces" really
held true to their claim. Normally I would have
avoided a metal-mouth right off the bat, but I'd been
duped by The Castle. Common sense told me, begged me
to abort immediately, but I've never been one to pull
the pancakes off the griddle before they were done
just because a cockroach had fallen into the batter. I
was going to complete this transaction.
"ooh! ow! ooooh! ow-OW! oooh! ow!"
Five minutes later, the pancakes were done. My
participant attempted to dismount, but something was
wrong. My flesh was caught in her braces! I tried to
work my pee-pee's way carefully and slowly out of her
mouth, but she wouldn't hold still! Suddenly she
jerked her head back and a flap of skin tore off. I
screamed. She picked her teeth with her pinky nail,
said, "Thanks for the credits!" cheerily and walked
out.
I lay on the floor in a fetal position, my member
bleeding, for an hour or so until a scab had formed. I
get my dick cut up on Miss Piranha's maw of death and
she gets ten credits?!? But she didn't have the
credits yet - I had to award them! I still had control
of the situation! Oh sweet revenge! Negative
one-hundred for you, bitch!
Apparently pr0n can act as an effective study tool for things like SAT vocabulary. Here's a brief excerpt: "He caressed Malcolm's lingam with his maw and masticated vociferously."
I stick my dick in it,
Oh, the Tivo,
The RePlay TV
has VD.
The whole lot's not worth my shit
dangling out of my asshole like streamers at a parade.
Where for the PVR?
Why use a hard drive for things other than pr0n?
Unless you have Vivid TV.
Give me your TV
You little bitcher.
Linux can suck it.
Apparently there's so much space-junk floating around in orbit now (wrenches that get away from space-walking astronauts, old satellites, bodies of space-walking astronauts who never quite made it back, etc) that it's all beginning to rain back down to earth. Here's a story about that.
P.S. I got First Post, bitch!
"Slashdot reader since 1997 " OOOooohhh!! Aren't you a 1337 little h2>0r? God, I can't believe how truly FUCKING STUPID you are. Why don't you eat some baked beans out of my asshole, asshole?