I think it is much more important to port softly, and carry a big satchel, within which one may store and transport nuts. Many people do not have a large nutsack. Certainly not one that's acceptably large enough.
I believe their instruments may be experiencing interference from what scientists have come to call Die Nüsse Effekt.
You see, I have on my person a rather large satchel, within which I store and transport nuts. The mass of the nuts within this satchel, or "nutsack" is so great, that it interferes with Mr. Charbonneau's equipment. My nutsack is responsible for other astronomical anomalies as well, such as the color of the universe being mistaken as being beige. That particular one is less complicated. You see, I actually just had my nutsack draped over the telescope.
As a leading expert on sacks and satchels, specifically those used in the transport and storage of nuts, I wholeheartedly agree that using SOAP is a must in this day and age, especially in light of all this news about Open Sores. As we've seen on Slashdot, those who use Unices are at a dreadful risk of falling prey to infestations by African stinging beetles. The most apparent sign of such an infestation is Open Sores covering a large portion of your nutsack.
However, there are other signs as well. Has your nutsack changed color, recently? Victims of this sort of infestation often report that their nutsack becomes a deep, ruby red color. Following that, the nutsack loses any remaining hair, and becomes as smooth as a baby's scalp. Usually, around this time, the nuts in the nutsack are consumed by the ravaging hordes of beetles and beetle larvae.
It is immediately after this occurs that Open Sores become visible. At this point, you may as well kiss your nutsack goodbye, as it's too far gone to be saved, even with modern medicine. What's even worse, is that if anyone else exposes themselves or their nutsack to your Open Sores, the infestation will spread.
It is due to this incredibly virulent nature of the infestation, that I urge every one of you to prevent Open Sores. Unless you possess a self-cleaning nutsack, it is absolutely imperative that you use SOAP, and gently clean and massage your nutsack three times daily. You all know the drill: wash, rinse, repeat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
For the love of the good lord in Heaven, if you don't to it for yourself, do it for the Children. I do, because I expose my nutsack to innumerable amounts of children daily, and were I to develop a beetle infestation in my nutsack, it could affect half the state's pre-teen population.
And that doesn't even scratch the surface of the number of senior citizens and zoo animals that may be affected.
I'm sorry to say, once the Open Sores start to appear, your nutsack is most likely too far gone to recover. There's nothing you can do to save it, so you must come to terms with the fact that using Unix has caused you lose your nutsack, and move on.
However, your recent loss does free you up to try one of our newer models here at Nüsse(tm) Satchels. Perhaps you would be interested in a newer nutsack? Our most popular models this year are the Gentool(tm) "Total Package", and the Christian Dior monogrammed nutsack.
Due to its Graphical User Interface, Windows 2000 Server is less demanding of the sack or satchel user, especially when said sack or satchel is used for the transportation and/or storage of nuts. The user can hold the nutsack in his or her left hand, and manipulate the mouse pointing device with his or her right hand. Most modern nutsacks can be comfortably held in this manner, facilitating system administration.
Unix systems are quite different in this regard. Because Unix systems are typically administrated through a command-line, both hands are required at the keyboard. Because both hands are occupied thusly, a specialized "hands-free" nutsack is required in order to provide full dexter and sinister availability on the part of the machine operator. Many users with older models typically wear them like jewelry, by piercing the nutsack near the top, allowing the bearer to wear his or her nutsack around the neck. Alternatively, many users enjoy wearing their nutsack around their waist, like a belt. The upside of this, is that it prevents the careless user from losing his nutsack. However, this configuration is not recommended, as those with heavier, denser nuts in their nutsack may experience excess stretching of the nutsack's leathery exterior. In addition, the process of puncturing the outer protective surface of the nutsack increases the likelihood of a stinging beetle infestation. It is mainly for this reason that the "hands free" nutsack is not the preferred solution.
To put it simply, many users do not run Windows, because they just do not have the nutsack for it.
Gentool(tm) 1.0 is a recently-released accessory for our popular Nüsse(tm) Satchels. Each Gentool(tm) is lovingly hand-crafted to exacting specifications, to provide an exquisite ornament for any satchel that we sell. The Gentool(tm) arrives in a protective sheath (hence the name, after the jewish word "gentile"), ready and waiting for your enjoyment, though you may cut it to suit your taste and/or religion.
No longer do you have to go without, for we have the perfect Gentool(tm) for any occasion. We even ship them bundled with our stylish line of nut transportation satchels (nutsacks, to the layman). We call this the "total package". In this way, your Gentool(tm) will never be too large for your nutsack, and your nutsack will never hang too far below your Gentool(tm), or scrape along the ground. With your purchase of a "total package", you can e assured of a perfect fit every time.
As a bonus, each Gentool(tm) doubles as a handy nozzle, should you have the need or desire to rapidly eject the contents of your nutsack.
Why would you need this functionality?
Say you're walking down the street, nutsack in hand, heavy with nuts. All of a sudden, you are accosted, and the scoundrel is demanding that you hand over all of your valuable possessions. With our Gentool(tm), you could simply point your Gentool(tm) at the robber's face, and empty the contents of your nutsack right into his eye, blinding him, and allowing you to escape unharmed!
So you see, not only is the Gentool(tm) a high-fashion accessory, guaranteed to win you friends and business associates, it also doubles as a personal protection device. It's also great fun at parties. Women all over the world love a nice, hard Gentool(tm)!
Perhaps you would be interested in my "cybernetic nut transportation device". It is a simple device, really, though the way it accomplishes its end goal is really quite elegant. The newer models even feature integrated GPS function.
With such a device, one would be able to locate one's "nut sack" globally, were it ever lost or stolen. I am confident such a device would be popular amongst those who read Slashdot, as many users seem to be living without a nutsack.
While the loss or misplacement of one's nutsack may not be a problem for certain individuals, I for one would be devestated if I were to forego its presence for even one minute.
For, you see, as you may have previously read on slashdot, my nutsack is the messiah. The physical manifestation of the one true god. No danger may befall the progeny of our lord, and the leader of all mankind. All will one day bask in the glorious white holiness which emenates from my nutsack. For white is the color of the lord; white is the color of all that is pure and holy. It shall cover the face of the earth, and spread across the underbelly of those who do not repent.
Some say victory is sweet; I say nay, for this victory will be salty.
Re:Needed: affordable self-cleaning public toilets
on
Best High-Tech Toilet?
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· Score: -1
I'm not sure of what you speak. However, I have recently come into posession of a new satchel, within which I store and transport nuts. It's quite a remarkable design, and in addition to it being self-cleaning, it's public!
Previous models required tremendous amounts of care and diligent maintenance. As such, prior to acquiring my new nutsack, I would often be found holding my nutsack in my left palm, as I performed daily tasks. This allowed me to properly maintain my nutsack; it required constant massaging to maintain its supple outer texture. Due to its inferior design, I had to disinfect it on a daily basis, to prevent insect and vermin infestations.
I know of one such individual who failed to properly maintain and care for his nutsack, and developed quite a nasty infestation of African stinging beetles, who had created a nest within his nutsack. Believe you me, he was just as surprised as I when I took hold of his nutsack and a swarm of stinging beetles streamed forth!
But lo, what an age we live in.
My new nutsack, primed with the glorious cream of the technological crop, requires no such manual maintenance. For it is self-cleaning. And you can believe me, I make sure it is quite public. Small children are always welcome around my nutsack, though it is also quite popular with the ladies, due to the intoxicating odor which emenates from its leathery folds.
As usually, the article comes to the conclusion that it's mostly lack of applications that hampers Linux
That's quite an interesting theory. However, I'm not so sure if I can vouch for its validity. You see, I have much the same problem when preaching the virtues of nut transportation satchels.
My satchel, or "nutsack" as I refer to it, certainly has no shortage of applications. I mainly use it to transport my nuts, but as I've elaborated previously, my nutsack may be used as anything from a hat, to a hand puppet. Occasionally, I'll walk up behind people sitting at a bus stop, and drape my nutsack over their head. Yet this has done nothing to increase its popularity.
I often approach people at formal gatherings, and as I reach to shake their hand, I deftly place my nutsack into their palm, so they may experience its leathery texture; so they may briefly glimpse the joy my nutsack brings to women and children around the world.
Most often, they drop my nutsack, and turn away. More than once my nutsack has been dropped on the ground, and trampled beneath the feet of those who are not careful, as I try in vain to retrieve it. Every time my nutsack is crushed beneath the feet of strangers, I wince. I cringe. Nobody's nutsack should take such abuse, and yet I put up with such abuse with mine.
I do it for the benefit of mankind. You must do the same with this "Linux". Just as I am relentless in exposing my nutsack to the public, you must expose this "Linux" to the public. I will help. I will write "Linux" on my nutsack with a magic marker, so that when I am place my nutsack into a child's hands for the first time, not only will he feel the leathery glory of my nutsack, but he will also experience this "Linux" of yours. Hopefully he will ask "what is this 'Linux', which is written across your nutsack, oh great one?". I will respond "Linux, like my nutsack, is the way things will be, upon the reckoning, oh child."
After all, children are our future, and my nutsack is the bridge between generations.
I agree, dear chum. I often encounter the same closed-mindedness when extolling the virtues of nut transportation satchels. Sure, to some, it's just a sack within which one may store and/or transport nuts. They say "I don't need a nutsack", or "I already have a nutsack, and it works fine", or "get your nutsack away from my child", or "put that nutsack away, I don't care if you drew a face on it, and can wiggle it around so it looks like the face is talking".
Indeed, people can be stupid. However, the best solution is to be tenacious. When someone tells me to get my nutsack out of their face, I just push it closer, hoping maybe they'll see the beauty of it. Perhaps they'll realize that a nutsack isn't just a convenient tool for transporting one's nuts; it's a masterpiece of engineering. Every nutsack is a testament to god's greatness as the creator of this great Earth we call home.
And my nutsack in particular is the messiah. One day you will see. You will bow before its greatness, and caress its wrinkled, leathery glory.
Paradigm? The current paradigm of fashion involves a stylish new nutsack, within which one can store and transport nuts. Some have even gone so far as to adorn theirs with jewelry.
I like to keep mine plain, save for the Christian Dior logo that is imprinted on the left-hand side, near the bottom. I keep mine nice and smooth, and occasionally paint it with festive designs, much like one would adorn an easter egg. Swirls, stripes, polka-dots, you name it.
I'm not sure if Blade II is that suitable for small children. However, I am quite sure that my satchel, within which I store and transport my collection of nuts, is quite suitable for children.
On my sabbaticals, I volunteer at a local child daycare service. The children there are all quite fond of my satchel, or "nut sack", and all the fun things contained within. They certainly enjoy playing with my nutsack; some of them will wear it on their head as a fanciful hat, or drape it over their shoulder as part of some childish game. I often catch the younger toddlers with it in their mouth, using it for teething. It is the perfect size and texture, after all, and as we all know, children will put anything in their mouth!
Perhaps one day, I may share my nutsack with all the children of the world; to spread the joy it brings to those whom it has touched. I feel that if I were able to share my nutsack with everyone, of every race, so they may feel its wrinkly warmth against their face, that then, and only then, may we ever see an end to the war, famine, and strife in the world.
The bible predicts such an event, though the messiah that will bring such a world-changing event is personified in the figure of Jesus Christ. I postulate that the figure of Jesus Christ is merely the personification of an object, of the ultimate religious icon. That icon is the nutsack that I possess. My nutsack. As prophesized in the bible, my nutsack is the coming messiah, and all will revel and rejoice in its holy glory. All will bask in that which springs forth from my nutsack, and it is my wish that the children of the world be the first to experience the glory which signifies the start of a new holy epoch in mankind's history.
Internet radio is nice to have in places where a stereo system would be overkill. It allows you to *gasp* multi-task!
I'm multitasking as we speak. You see, I've recently acquired a new satchel, within which I store and transport nuts. However, the level of care required for this item is tremendous. As such, while I browse the internet, I hold my new nut transport satchel, or "nutsack" in my left hand, and control the mouse with my right hand.
In this way, I can properly maintain my nutsack; it requires that I constantly massage it to maintain its supple outer texture. I also must disinfect it on a daily basis, to prevent insect and vermin infestations.
I know of one such individual who failed to properly maintain and care for his nutsack, and developed quite a nasty infestation of African stinging beetles, who had created a nest within his nutsack. Believe you me, he was just as surprised as I when I took hold of his nutsack and a swarm of stinging beetles streamed forth!
To eradicate the infestation required an interesting solution originally proposed by a colleague of mine at Oxford. The process basically involves dipping the infested nutsack in a bleach/peroxide solution, then scrubbing it vigorously with steel wool. Following that, a nice thick coat of shellac is optional, though it imbues a quite healthy lustre, and highlights the scarlet red color which is brought out by the steel wool.
Not everyone is aware that such a treatment is required for their nutsack, but then, many people are unaware that they have fallen victim to a nutsack infestation until well after it's too late.
I would have to say, a much better survival tool, were one planning a safari to the heart of darkness would be this item on ebay, one of which I have recently acquired for myself.
The auction vendor describes this particular model as follows:
Yes. This is really made from a bull's nut sack. Call it what you will; bull ball bag -- scrotum sack. It is still the same. This is really a fascinating item. I showed it to my 16 yr old niece and she took it to the movie with her last night when she went to see 'Blade II.' She and the bag both enjoyed the movie.
This must have come from a quite large bull. It is 9 inches tall and over 6 inches in diameter. Yes. It is sanitary. Apparently treated, but still has plenty of hair. A great place to keep your family jewels, or just a few things like lipstick, cell phone, or money to carry to school, the mall, or work. One thing for sure, you will alway get questions from strangers "Nice bag. What is it made of?"
I always get similar comments when sporting mine, though I must say, I prefer my Christian Dior model, simply because it has a much more supple, silky texture.
Massively Multiuser Online Satchel Project (MMOSP)
on
The Future of MMORPGs
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· Score: 0
I'm engaged in an ace project which proposes to create a system by which our Nüsse(tm) brand 'nut transportation satchel' users may engage seamlessly with other users.
The basic idea is that users attach our patented device to retrofit their nutsack, enabling wireless 802.11a communication via not just wireless LAN, but also via the existing network of cellular communications towers through the use of our award-winning transparent signal translation layer.
By this, users will connect to a massively distributed nutsack to nutsack (N2N) network, allowing our users, for the first time, the ability to truly make a mark on this world with their nutsack.
I've found that maximum uptime is easily attained when I'm holding my satchel (within which I store and transport nuts). When my satchel, or "nutsack" is firmly in my left hand, my uptime is tremendous. In fact, I've been known to have uptime of days or weeks.
This is easily measurable, as I've set up an snmp-based physical uptime monitoring system, to monitor my equipment. I have numerous charts and graphs for your perusal, if there's interest.
Perhaps you would be interested in a Nüsse(tm) transportation satchel with integrated GPS function?
With such a device, one would be able to locate one's "nut sack" globally, were it ever lost or stolen.
I am confident such a device would be popular amongst those who read Slashdot, as many users seem to be living without a nutsack.
If interest were high enough, such a fuction could be easily incorporated at minimal end user cost, were initial production yields acceptable.
Re:Kill?! Can't they find a peaceful way?!
on
Killing Rats with GPS
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· Score: 0, Insightful
Perhaps these farmers would be interested in an offshoot of our quite popular line of nut transportation satchels.
They're mainly used to transport grain, and are specifically designed in order that when shipping grain, the designated recipient is assured that the entire shipment will arrive intact.
We call it the CornWhole system, and once put in place, it's extremely difficult for the target to be penetrated by any agent (animal or chemical) except those specifically authorized.
We hope that it will expand in practical use, as it provides for particularly efficient transport, especially when coupled with the RNTP protocol we've established.
Re:Double the fun
on
Dior iPod case
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· Score: 0, Informative
If I wanted to read about tech fashion accessories that are overpriced, I'd read Wired.
That's quite a shame, dear chap. Perhaps you would be interested in Christian Dior's line of designer nut transportation satchels ("nutsacks" for the layman) They come in premium grade leather, and have the Christian Dior logo monogrammed in the textured surface. I was completely stunned when I first witnessed my executive assistant, Hans, trolloping down the street sporting his. I'd never seen such a fabulous nutsack. Anyone who is anyone transports their nuts in style with this high-fashion accessory.
They're also manufactured right here in America. As we all know, the nut transportation satchel industry welcomes all the help it can get.
My firm, Nüsse(tm) has recently gone ahead with their decision to incorporate both Apache, as well as support for the recently released RNTP protocol into our next generation product (discussed here).
The fact that so many security improvements have been made in the new release of Apache is great news for our consumer base, which includes United States Government.
The Nüsse(tm) super satchel has been tested in all environments. As stated in the primary post in which its existence was revealed, it was originally used following the tragic accident of astronaut Steve Austin.
As such, the initial environment in which it was tested was a vacuum. It was subsequently tested in various aquatic and desert environments, and was given the highest rating by the National Steering Committee on Transportation. It's one of the most functionally efficient nut transportation satchels ever built, with a 600 meter depth rating (for aquatic environments, much like the locale in which "teabagging" takes place, I'm sure) as well as a durable outer casing constructed from an advanced Kevlar-type material.
It is just too hard to get users to get their execution environment 'right' to use.
Perhaps they're not using the correct tools? My firm has just developed an elegant solution for a problem very similar to this. It's called RNTP.
RNTP is being developed by Nüsse(tm) Satchels as a Reliable Nut Transport Protocol for the expedient delivery and routing of nuts, as well as the sacks within which they are contained. RNTP provides sequenced, lossless delivery of nuts from one sender to a group of receivers. RNTP is based on a multi-level hierarchical approach, in which the receivers are grouped into a hierarchy of local regions, with a Designated Receiver (DR) in each local region. DRs cache received nuts and respond to re-transport requests of the receivers in their corresponding local regions, thereby decreasing end-to-end latency. RNTP uses a packet-based selective repeat re-transport scheme for faster overall satchel delivery speed.
RNTP has been implemented on a large scale, and its performance measurements are very encouraging. A version of RNTP implementation is operational in the central UPS delivery hub.
The most recent version of RNTP includes support for "asynchronous nutsack delivery" meaning that RNTP enables reliable delivery of nut components from various locales with stringent end-to-end latency requirements per component. This feature is tailormade for distributing live nuts to an arbitrarily large number of recipients without knowing their exact location or time zone.
You, my friend, are a perfect candidate to be supplied with not just one, but multiple hospital-grade Nüsse(tm) satchels. Please visit my website (listed above) for further information or inquiries about the fine products provided by my firm.
As you seem to be in a similar industry as myself, perhaps we may cross paths at a trade show or convention in the future. Please, don't forget the slogan:
Slashdot Mirror
It's a large satchel, within which I store and transport nuts.
Maybe you've heard of such a device? I know of one person who hasn't, but they're on the far end of the Bell Curve.
It's also good news that I have a satchel, within which I may store and transport nuts. Perhaps you've heard of such a device?
I think it is much more important to port softly, and carry a big satchel, within which one may store and transport nuts. Many people do not have a large nutsack. Certainly not one that's acceptably large enough.
I believe their instruments may be experiencing interference from what scientists have come to call Die Nüsse Effekt.
You see, I have on my person a rather large satchel, within which I store and transport nuts. The mass of the nuts within this satchel, or "nutsack" is so great, that it interferes with Mr. Charbonneau's equipment. My nutsack is responsible for other astronomical anomalies as well, such as the color of the universe being mistaken as being beige. That particular one is less complicated. You see, I actually just had my nutsack draped over the telescope.
Many phenomena may be explained by my nutsack, but soon, explanation will be unnecessary. All will see.
Greetings, fellow Slashdottians!
As a leading expert on sacks and satchels, specifically those used in the transport and storage of nuts, I wholeheartedly agree that using SOAP is a must in this day and age, especially in light of all this news about Open Sores. As we've seen on Slashdot, those who use Unices are at a dreadful risk of falling prey to infestations by African stinging beetles. The most apparent sign of such an infestation is Open Sores covering a large portion of your nutsack.
However, there are other signs as well. Has your nutsack changed color, recently? Victims of this sort of infestation often report that their nutsack becomes a deep, ruby red color. Following that, the nutsack loses any remaining hair, and becomes as smooth as a baby's scalp. Usually, around this time, the nuts in the nutsack are consumed by the ravaging hordes of beetles and beetle larvae.
It is immediately after this occurs that Open Sores become visible. At this point, you may as well kiss your nutsack goodbye, as it's too far gone to be saved, even with modern medicine. What's even worse, is that if anyone else exposes themselves or their nutsack to your Open Sores, the infestation will spread.
It is due to this incredibly virulent nature of the infestation, that I urge every one of you to prevent Open Sores. Unless you possess a self-cleaning nutsack, it is absolutely imperative that you use SOAP, and gently clean and massage your nutsack three times daily. You all know the drill: wash, rinse, repeat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
For the love of the good lord in Heaven, if you don't to it for yourself, do it for the Children. I do, because I expose my nutsack to innumerable amounts of children daily, and were I to develop a beetle infestation in my nutsack, it could affect half the state's pre-teen population.
And that doesn't even scratch the surface of the number of senior citizens and zoo animals that may be affected.
Ah, dear chum, I see you must be one of those Unix-users, because once again, the topic of Open Sores comes up. No worry, for I am here to help.
As I've explained previously on Slashdot, these Open Sores may be a symptom of an African stinging beetle infestation, which typically plagues anyone who uses a command-line interface.
I'm sorry to say, once the Open Sores start to appear, your nutsack is most likely too far gone to recover. There's nothing you can do to save it, so you must come to terms with the fact that using Unix has caused you lose your nutsack, and move on.
However, your recent loss does free you up to try one of our newer models here at Nüsse(tm) Satchels. Perhaps you would be interested in a newer nutsack? Our most popular models this year are the Gentool(tm) "Total Package", and the Christian Dior monogrammed nutsack.
Due to its Graphical User Interface, Windows 2000 Server is less demanding of the sack or satchel user, especially when said sack or satchel is used for the transportation and/or storage of nuts. The user can hold the nutsack in his or her left hand, and manipulate the mouse pointing device with his or her right hand. Most modern nutsacks can be comfortably held in this manner, facilitating system administration.
Unix systems are quite different in this regard. Because Unix systems are typically administrated through a command-line, both hands are required at the keyboard. Because both hands are occupied thusly, a specialized "hands-free" nutsack is required in order to provide full dexter and sinister availability on the part of the machine operator. Many users with older models typically wear them like jewelry, by piercing the nutsack near the top, allowing the bearer to wear his or her nutsack around the neck. Alternatively, many users enjoy wearing their nutsack around their waist, like a belt. The upside of this, is that it prevents the careless user from losing his nutsack. However, this configuration is not recommended, as those with heavier, denser nuts in their nutsack may experience excess stretching of the nutsack's leathery exterior. In addition, the process of puncturing the outer protective surface of the nutsack increases the likelihood of a stinging beetle infestation. It is mainly for this reason that the "hands free" nutsack is not the preferred solution.
To put it simply, many users do not run Windows, because they just do not have the nutsack for it.
Gentool(tm) 1.0 is a recently-released accessory for our popular Nüsse(tm) Satchels. Each Gentool(tm) is lovingly hand-crafted to exacting specifications, to provide an exquisite ornament for any satchel that we sell. The Gentool(tm) arrives in a protective sheath (hence the name, after the jewish word "gentile"), ready and waiting for your enjoyment, though you may cut it to suit your taste and/or religion.
No longer do you have to go without, for we have the perfect Gentool(tm) for any occasion. We even ship them bundled with our stylish line of nut transportation satchels (nutsacks, to the layman). We call this the "total package". In this way, your Gentool(tm) will never be too large for your nutsack, and your nutsack will never hang too far below your Gentool(tm), or scrape along the ground. With your purchase of a "total package", you can e assured of a perfect fit every time.
As a bonus, each Gentool(tm) doubles as a handy nozzle, should you have the need or desire to rapidly eject the contents of your nutsack.
Why would you need this functionality?
Say you're walking down the street, nutsack in hand, heavy with nuts. All of a sudden, you are accosted, and the scoundrel is demanding that you hand over all of your valuable possessions. With our Gentool(tm), you could simply point your Gentool(tm) at the robber's face, and empty the contents of your nutsack right into his eye, blinding him, and allowing you to escape unharmed!
So you see, not only is the Gentool(tm) a high-fashion accessory, guaranteed to win you friends and business associates, it also doubles as a personal protection device. It's also great fun at parties. Women all over the world love a nice, hard Gentool(tm)!
Perhaps you would be interested in my "cybernetic nut transportation device". It is a simple device, really, though the way it accomplishes its end goal is really quite elegant. The newer models even feature integrated GPS function.
With such a device, one would be able to locate one's "nut sack" globally, were it ever lost or stolen. I am confident such a device would be popular amongst those who read Slashdot, as many users seem to be living without a nutsack.
While the loss or misplacement of one's nutsack may not be a problem for certain individuals, I for one would be devestated if I were to forego its presence for even one minute.
For, you see, as you may have previously read on slashdot, my nutsack is the messiah. The physical manifestation of the one true god. No danger may befall the progeny of our lord, and the leader of all mankind. All will one day bask in the glorious white holiness which emenates from my nutsack. For white is the color of the lord; white is the color of all that is pure and holy. It shall cover the face of the earth, and spread across the underbelly of those who do not repent.
Some say victory is sweet; I say nay, for this victory will be salty.
I'm not sure of what you speak. However, I have recently come into posession of a new satchel, within which I store and transport nuts. It's quite a remarkable design, and in addition to it being self-cleaning, it's public!
Previous models required tremendous amounts of care and diligent maintenance. As such, prior to acquiring my new nutsack, I would often be found holding my nutsack in my left palm, as I performed daily tasks. This allowed me to properly maintain my nutsack; it required constant massaging to maintain its supple outer texture. Due to its inferior design, I had to disinfect it on a daily basis, to prevent insect and vermin infestations.
I know of one such individual who failed to properly maintain and care for his nutsack, and developed quite a nasty infestation of African stinging beetles, who had created a nest within his nutsack. Believe you me, he was just as surprised as I when I took hold of his nutsack and a swarm of stinging beetles streamed forth!
But lo, what an age we live in.
My new nutsack, primed with the glorious cream of the technological crop, requires no such manual maintenance. For it is self-cleaning. And you can believe me, I make sure it is quite public. Small children are always welcome around my nutsack, though it is also quite popular with the ladies, due to the intoxicating odor which emenates from its leathery folds.
As usually, the article comes to the conclusion that it's mostly lack of applications that hampers Linux
That's quite an interesting theory. However, I'm not so sure if I can vouch for its validity. You see, I have much the same problem when preaching the virtues of nut transportation satchels.
My satchel, or "nutsack" as I refer to it, certainly has no shortage of applications. I mainly use it to transport my nuts, but as I've elaborated previously, my nutsack may be used as anything from a hat, to a hand puppet. Occasionally, I'll walk up behind people sitting at a bus stop, and drape my nutsack over their head. Yet this has done nothing to increase its popularity.
I often approach people at formal gatherings, and as I reach to shake their hand, I deftly place my nutsack into their palm, so they may experience its leathery texture; so they may briefly glimpse the joy my nutsack brings to women and children around the world.
Most often, they drop my nutsack, and turn away. More than once my nutsack has been dropped on the ground, and trampled beneath the feet of those who are not careful, as I try in vain to retrieve it. Every time my nutsack is crushed beneath the feet of strangers, I wince. I cringe. Nobody's nutsack should take such abuse, and yet I put up with such abuse with mine.
I do it for the benefit of mankind. You must do the same with this "Linux". Just as I am relentless in exposing my nutsack to the public, you must expose this "Linux" to the public. I will help. I will write "Linux" on my nutsack with a magic marker, so that when I am place my nutsack into a child's hands for the first time, not only will he feel the leathery glory of my nutsack, but he will also experience this "Linux" of yours. Hopefully he will ask "what is this 'Linux', which is written across your nutsack, oh great one?". I will respond "Linux, like my nutsack, is the way things will be, upon the reckoning, oh child."
After all, children are our future, and my nutsack is the bridge between generations.
People are stupid.
I agree, dear chum. I often encounter the same closed-mindedness when extolling the virtues of nut transportation satchels. Sure, to some, it's just a sack within which one may store and/or transport nuts. They say "I don't need a nutsack", or "I already have a nutsack, and it works fine", or "get your nutsack away from my child", or "put that nutsack away, I don't care if you drew a face on it, and can wiggle it around so it looks like the face is talking".
Indeed, people can be stupid. However, the best solution is to be tenacious. When someone tells me to get my nutsack out of their face, I just push it closer, hoping maybe they'll see the beauty of it. Perhaps they'll realize that a nutsack isn't just a convenient tool for transporting one's nuts; it's a masterpiece of engineering. Every nutsack is a testament to god's greatness as the creator of this great Earth we call home.
And my nutsack in particular is the messiah. One day you will see. You will bow before its greatness, and caress its wrinkled, leathery glory.
Paradigm? The current paradigm of fashion involves a stylish new nutsack, within which one can store and transport nuts. Some have even gone so far as to adorn theirs with jewelry.
I like to keep mine plain, save for the Christian Dior logo that is imprinted on the left-hand side, near the bottom. I keep mine nice and smooth, and occasionally paint it with festive designs, much like one would adorn an easter egg. Swirls, stripes, polka-dots, you name it.
I'm not sure if Blade II is that suitable for small children. However, I am quite sure that my satchel, within which I store and transport my collection of nuts, is quite suitable for children.
On my sabbaticals, I volunteer at a local child daycare service. The children there are all quite fond of my satchel, or "nut sack", and all the fun things contained within. They certainly enjoy playing with my nutsack; some of them will wear it on their head as a fanciful hat, or drape it over their shoulder as part of some childish game. I often catch the younger toddlers with it in their mouth, using it for teething. It is the perfect size and texture, after all, and as we all know, children will put anything in their mouth!
Perhaps one day, I may share my nutsack with all the children of the world; to spread the joy it brings to those whom it has touched. I feel that if I were able to share my nutsack with everyone, of every race, so they may feel its wrinkly warmth against their face, that then, and only then, may we ever see an end to the war, famine, and strife in the world.
The bible predicts such an event, though the messiah that will bring such a world-changing event is personified in the figure of Jesus Christ. I postulate that the figure of Jesus Christ is merely the personification of an object, of the ultimate religious icon. That icon is the nutsack that I possess. My nutsack. As prophesized in the bible, my nutsack is the coming messiah, and all will revel and rejoice in its holy glory. All will bask in that which springs forth from my nutsack, and it is my wish that the children of the world be the first to experience the glory which signifies the start of a new holy epoch in mankind's history.
Internet radio is nice to have in places where a stereo system would be overkill. It allows you to *gasp* multi-task! I'm multitasking as we speak. You see, I've recently acquired a new satchel, within which I store and transport nuts. However, the level of care required for this item is tremendous. As such, while I browse the internet, I hold my new nut transport satchel, or "nutsack" in my left hand, and control the mouse with my right hand.
In this way, I can properly maintain my nutsack; it requires that I constantly massage it to maintain its supple outer texture. I also must disinfect it on a daily basis, to prevent insect and vermin infestations.
I know of one such individual who failed to properly maintain and care for his nutsack, and developed quite a nasty infestation of African stinging beetles, who had created a nest within his nutsack. Believe you me, he was just as surprised as I when I took hold of his nutsack and a swarm of stinging beetles streamed forth!
To eradicate the infestation required an interesting solution originally proposed by a colleague of mine at Oxford. The process basically involves dipping the infested nutsack in a bleach/peroxide solution, then scrubbing it vigorously with steel wool. Following that, a nice thick coat of shellac is optional, though it imbues a quite healthy lustre, and highlights the scarlet red color which is brought out by the steel wool.
Not everyone is aware that such a treatment is required for their nutsack, but then, many people are unaware that they have fallen victim to a nutsack infestation until well after it's too late.
I would have to say, a much better survival tool, were one planning a safari to the heart of darkness would be this item on ebay, one of which I have recently acquired for myself.
The auction vendor describes this particular model as follows:
Yes. This is really made from a bull's nut sack. Call it what you will; bull ball bag -- scrotum sack. It is still the same. This is really a fascinating item. I showed it to my 16 yr old niece and she took it to the movie with her last night when she went to see 'Blade II.' She and the bag both enjoyed the movie.
This must have come from a quite large bull. It is 9 inches tall and over 6 inches in diameter. Yes. It is sanitary. Apparently treated, but still has plenty of hair. A great place to keep your family jewels, or just a few things like lipstick, cell phone, or money to carry to school, the mall, or work. One thing for sure, you will alway get questions from strangers "Nice bag. What is it made of?"
I always get similar comments when sporting mine, though I must say, I prefer my Christian Dior model, simply because it has a much more supple, silky texture.
I'm engaged in an ace project which proposes to create a system by which our Nüsse(tm) brand 'nut transportation satchel' users may engage seamlessly with other users.
The basic idea is that users attach our patented device to retrofit their nutsack, enabling wireless 802.11a communication via not just wireless LAN, but also via the existing network of cellular communications towers through the use of our award-winning transparent signal translation layer.
By this, users will connect to a massively distributed nutsack to nutsack (N2N) network, allowing our users, for the first time, the ability to truly make a mark on this world with their nutsack.
Cheerio!
Cheerio!
I've found that maximum uptime is easily attained when I'm holding my satchel (within which I store and transport nuts). When my satchel, or "nutsack" is firmly in my left hand, my uptime is tremendous. In fact, I've been known to have uptime of days or weeks.
This is easily measurable, as I've set up an snmp-based physical uptime monitoring system, to monitor my equipment. I have numerous charts and graphs for your perusal, if there's interest.
-I have nutsack
Perhaps you would be interested in a Nüsse(tm) transportation satchel with integrated GPS function?
With such a device, one would be able to locate one's "nut sack" globally, were it ever lost or stolen.
I am confident such a device would be popular amongst those who read Slashdot, as many users seem to be living without a nutsack.
If interest were high enough, such a fuction could be easily incorporated at minimal end user cost, were initial production yields acceptable.
Perhaps these farmers would be interested in an offshoot of our quite popular line of nut transportation satchels.
They're mainly used to transport grain, and are specifically designed in order that when shipping grain, the designated recipient is assured that the entire shipment will arrive intact.
We call it the CornWhole system, and once put in place, it's extremely difficult for the target to be penetrated by any agent (animal or chemical) except those specifically authorized.
We hope that it will expand in practical use, as it provides for particularly efficient transport, especially when coupled with the RNTP protocol we've established.
If I wanted to read about tech fashion accessories that are overpriced, I'd read Wired.
That's quite a shame, dear chap. Perhaps you would be interested in Christian Dior's line of designer nut transportation satchels ("nutsacks" for the layman) They come in premium grade leather, and have the Christian Dior logo monogrammed in the textured surface. I was completely stunned when I first witnessed my executive assistant, Hans, trolloping down the street sporting his. I'd never seen such a fabulous nutsack. Anyone who is anyone transports their nuts in style with this high-fashion accessory.
They're also manufactured right here in America. As we all know, the nut transportation satchel industry welcomes all the help it can get.
Great news, my good man.
My firm, Nüsse(tm) has recently gone ahead with their decision to incorporate both Apache, as well as support for the recently released RNTP protocol into our next generation product (discussed here).
The fact that so many security improvements have been made in the new release of Apache is great news for our consumer base, which includes United States Government.
The Nüsse(tm) super satchel has been tested in all environments. As stated in the primary post in which its existence was revealed, it was originally used following the tragic accident of astronaut Steve Austin.
As such, the initial environment in which it was tested was a vacuum. It was subsequently tested in various aquatic and desert environments, and was given the highest rating by the National Steering Committee on Transportation. It's one of the most functionally efficient nut transportation satchels ever built, with a 600 meter depth rating (for aquatic environments, much like the locale in which "teabagging" takes place, I'm sure) as well as a durable outer casing constructed from an advanced Kevlar-type material.
It is just too hard to get users to get their execution environment 'right' to use.
Perhaps they're not using the correct tools? My firm has just developed an elegant solution for a problem very similar to this. It's called RNTP.
RNTP is being developed by Nüsse(tm) Satchels as a Reliable Nut Transport Protocol for the expedient delivery and routing of nuts, as well as the sacks within which they are contained. RNTP provides sequenced, lossless delivery of nuts from one sender to a group of receivers. RNTP is based on a multi-level hierarchical approach, in which the receivers are grouped into a hierarchy of local regions, with a Designated Receiver (DR) in each local region. DRs cache received nuts and respond to re-transport requests of the receivers in their corresponding local regions, thereby decreasing end-to-end latency. RNTP uses a packet-based selective repeat re-transport scheme for faster overall satchel delivery speed.
RNTP has been implemented on a large scale, and its performance measurements are very encouraging. A version of RNTP implementation is operational in the central UPS delivery hub.
The most recent version of RNTP includes support for "asynchronous nutsack delivery" meaning that RNTP enables reliable delivery of nut components from various locales with stringent end-to-end latency requirements per component. This feature is tailormade for distributing live nuts to an arbitrarily large number of recipients without knowing their exact location or time zone.
You, my friend, are a perfect candidate to be supplied with not just one, but multiple hospital-grade Nüsse(tm) satchels. Please visit my website (listed above) for further information or inquiries about the fine products provided by my firm.
As you seem to be in a similar industry as myself, perhaps we may cross paths at a trade show or convention in the future. Please, don't forget the slogan:
"I saw your nutsack on Slashdot!"