Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her calves, then moving up to her...
[EDITOR'S NOTE: To make room for news articles about important world events such as agriculture, we're going to delete the next few square feet of the woman's skin. Thank you.]... until finally the two of you are lying there, spent, smoking your cigarettes, and suddenly it hits you: Human skin is actually made up of billions of tiny units of protoplasm, called "cells"! And what is even more interesting, the ones on the outside are all dying! This is a fact. Your skin is like an aggressive modern corporation, where the older veteran cells, who have finally worked their way to the top and obtained offices with nice views, are constantly being shoved out the window head first, without so much as a pension plan, by younger hotshot cells moving up from below.
-- Dave Barry, "Saving Face"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
I for one cannot protest the recent M.T.A. fare hike and the accompanying promises that this would in no way improve service. For the transit system, as it now operates, has hidden advantages that can't be measured in monetary terms.
Personally, I feel that it is well worth 75 cents or even $1 to have that unimpeachable excuse whenever I am late to anything: "I came by subway." Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot should someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly understand his long delay.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
There is a building with four floors. On the first floor, there is a convention of architects. On the second floor, there is a vinyl manufacturing plant. On the third floor there is a fast food stand, and on the fourth floor there is a library.
Q: What would happen if a librarian traveled down in a small
elevator with one other person from each floor? A: The elevator would be full.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity. The servant said "My master is out." Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he goes out, he should not leave his face at the window. Someone might steal it."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Everybody but Sam had signed up for a new company pension plan that called for a small employee contribution. The company was paying all the rest. Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed; otherwise the plan was off. Sam's boss and his fellow workers pleaded and cajoled, but to no avail. Sam said the plan would never pay off. Finally the company president called Sam into his office.
"Sam," he said, "here's a copy of the new pension plan and here's a pen. I want you to sign the papers. I'm sorry, but if you don't sign, you're fired. As of right now."
Sam signed the papers immediately.
"Now," said the president, "would you mind telling me why you couldn't have signed earlier?"
"Well, sir," replied Sam, "nobody explained it to me quite so clearly before."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign. My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go buy some more."
-- timw@zeb.USWest.COM
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market.
If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarries then he should not accept of the Earth that which he refuses to give of himself.
Such a man would expect a pear of a peach tree.
Such a man would expect a stone to lay an egg.
Such a man would expect Sears to assemble a lawnmower.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Lemme make sure I'm not wasting time here... bcwhite will remove
pkgs that havent been fixed that have outstanding bugs of severity
"important". True or false?
jim: "important" or higher. True.
Then we're about to lose ftp.debian.org and dpkg:) * netgod will miss dpkg -- it was occasionally useful
We still have rpm....
-- Seen on #Debian
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
> Is there any hope for me? Am I just thick? Does anyone remember the > Rubiks Cube, it was easier! I found that the Rubiks cube and Linux are alike. Looks real confusing until you read the right book.:-)
-- seen on c.o.l.misc, about the "Linux Learning Curve"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If the future navigation system [for interactive networked services on the NII] looks like something from Microsoft, it will never work.
-- Chairman of Walt Disney Television & Telecommunications
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
+#if defined(__alpha__) && defined(CONFIG_PCI) +/* + * The meaning of life, the universe, and everything. Plus + * this makes the year come out right. + */ + year -= 42; +#endif
-- From the patch for 1.3.2: (kernel/time.c), submitted by Marcus Meissner
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot to send it. But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail. And if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa [ucbarpa.berkeley.edu] is down and think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive Net Mail...
-- Casey Leedom
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes... whenever you think you've got something really great, add ten per cent more.
-- Bill Veeck
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, "Is there a God?". Lights started blinking, flashing and blinking some more. Suddenly, there was a loud crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky, struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently together. "There is now", came the reply.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson.
It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.
Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't know the answer either.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Shoot me again. Just proving that the quickest way to solve the problem is to post a whine to the newsgroups: within moments the solution presents itself to me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the Net... *sigh*...
-- Dave Phillips, dlphilp@bright.net, about problem solving via news
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
We have some absolutely irrefutable statistics to show exactly why you are so tired.
There are not as many people actually working as you may have thought.
The population of this country is 200 million. 84 million are over 60 years of age, which leaves 116 million to do the work. People under 20 years of age total 75 million, which leaves 41 million to do the work.
There are 22 million who are employed by the government, which leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Services, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Deduct 14,800,000, the number in the state and city offices, leaving 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, insane asylums, etc., so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now it may interest you to know that there are 11,998 people in jail, so that leaves just 2 people to carry the load. That is you and me, and brother, I'm getting tired of doing everything myself!
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"Yacc" owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in their endless search for "one more feature." Their irritating unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
-- S. C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to the West. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"
The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
In the middle of a wide field is a pot of gold. 100 feet to the north stands a smart manager. 100 feet to the south stands a dumb manager. 100 feet to the east is the Easter Bunny, and 100 feet to the west is Santa Claus.
Q: Who gets to the pot of gold first? A: The dumb manager. All the rest are myths.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
I will be known as Ian Black, Ean can be Ian Red, Netgod Ian Blue,
Che gets Ian Yellow, CQ is Ian Purple and Joey is Ian Indigo
-- Some #Debian channel
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.
-- R.A. Heinlein
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Slashdot Mirror
Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and ...
... until finally the two of you are lying there, spent, smoking your
it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin
very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently
tracing the slender curve of her calves, then moving up to her
[EDITOR'S NOTE: To make room for news articles about important world events
such as agriculture, we're going to delete the next few square feet of the
woman's skin. Thank you.]
cigarettes, and suddenly it hits you: Human skin is actually made up of
billions of tiny units of protoplasm, called "cells"! And what is even more
interesting, the ones on the outside are all dying! This is a fact. Your
skin is like an aggressive modern corporation, where the older veteran
cells, who have finally worked their way to the top and obtained offices
with nice views, are constantly being shoved out the window head first,
without so much as a pension plan, by younger hotshot cells moving up from
below.
-- Dave Barry, "Saving Face"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
I for one cannot protest the recent M.T.A. fare hike and the
accompanying promises that this would in no way improve service. For
the transit system, as it now operates, has hidden advantages that
can't be measured in monetary terms.
Personally, I feel that it is well worth 75 cents or even $1 to
have that unimpeachable excuse whenever I am late to anything: "I came
by subway." Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot
should someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly
understand his long delay.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
There is a building with four floors. On the first floor, there
is a convention of architects. On the second floor, there is a
vinyl manufacturing plant. On the third floor there is a fast food
stand, and on the fourth floor there is a library.
Q: What would happen if a librarian traveled down in a small
elevator with one other person from each floor?
A: The elevator would be full.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity. The servant said
"My master is out." Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he
goes out, he should not leave his face at the window. Someone might steal it."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is
described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an
undocumented external procedure.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Everybody but Sam had signed up for a new company pension plan that
called for a small employee contribution. The company was paying all
the rest. Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed;
otherwise the plan was off. Sam's boss and his fellow workers pleaded
and cajoled, but to no avail. Sam said the plan would never pay off.
Finally the company president called Sam into his office.
"Sam," he said, "here's a copy of the new pension plan and here's
a pen. I want you to sign the papers. I'm sorry, but if you don't sign,
you're fired. As of right now."
Sam signed the papers immediately.
"Now," said the president, "would you mind telling me why you
couldn't have signed earlier?"
"Well, sir," replied Sam, "nobody explained it to me quite so
clearly before."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder
have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products.
This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's
reign. My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go
buy some more."
-- timw@zeb.USWest.COM
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the
Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an
open market.
If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarries then he
should not accept of the Earth that which he refuses to give of
himself.
Such a man would expect a pear of a peach tree.
Such a man would expect a stone to lay an egg.
Such a man would expect Sears to assemble a lawnmower.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
| |-sshd---tcsh-+-dpkg-buildpacka---rules---sh---mak e---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh- --make---sh---make
-- While packaging XFree86 for Debian GNU/Linux
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Lemme make sure I'm not wasting time here... bcwhite will remove :)
pkgs that havent been fixed that have outstanding bugs of severity
"important". True or false?
jim: "important" or higher. True.
Then we're about to lose ftp.debian.org and dpkg
* netgod will miss dpkg -- it was occasionally useful
We still have rpm....
-- Seen on #Debian
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
> Is there any hope for me? Am I just thick? Does anyone remember the :-)
> Rubiks Cube, it was easier!
I found that the Rubiks cube and Linux are alike. Looks real confusing
until you read the right book.
-- seen on c.o.l.misc, about the "Linux Learning Curve"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If the future navigation system [for interactive networked services on
the NII] looks like something from Microsoft, it will never work.
-- Chairman of Walt Disney Television & Telecommunications
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
+#if defined(__alpha__) && defined(CONFIG_PCI) /*
+
+ * The meaning of life, the universe, and everything. Plus
+ * this makes the year come out right.
+ */
+ year -= 42;
+#endif
-- From the patch for 1.3.2: (kernel/time.c), submitted by Marcus Meissner
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot ...
to send it. But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think
the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail. And if *fifty*
pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty* pieces of mail get
lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets
lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa [ucbarpa.berkeley.edu] is down and
think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive
Net Mail
-- Casey Leedom
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to ... whenever you think
be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to
be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes
you've got something really great, add ten per cent more.
-- Bill Veeck
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was
built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked
together. They asked the question, "Is there a God?". Lights started
blinking, flashing and blinking some more. Suddenly, there was a loud
crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky, struck the
computers, and welded all the connections permanently together. "There
is now", came the reply.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical
lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your
hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you
notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This
teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never
use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson.
It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed
your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects
that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt.
The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger,
where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels
down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.
Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without
touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger
would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have
carpeting.
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't
know the answer either.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Shoot me again.
Just proving that the quickest way to solve the problem is to post a
whine to the newsgroups: within moments the solution presents itself to
me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the Net... *sigh*...
-- Dave Phillips, dlphilp@bright.net, about problem solving via news
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
We have some absolutely irrefutable statistics to show exactly why
you are so tired.
There are not as many people actually working as you may have thought.
The population of this country is 200 million. 84 million are over
60 years of age, which leaves 116 million to do the work. People under 20
years of age total 75 million, which leaves 41 million to do the work.
There are 22 million who are employed by the government, which leaves
19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Services, which
leaves 15 million to do the work. Deduct 14,800,000, the number in the state
and city offices, leaving 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in
hospitals, insane asylums, etc., so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now it may interest you to know that there are 11,998 people in jail,
so that leaves just 2 people to carry the load. That is you and me, and
brother, I'm getting tired of doing everything myself!
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"Yacc" owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have
goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
their endless search for "one more feature." Their irritating
unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
-- S. C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by
hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to the West. They
drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and
found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens
got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an
experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens
got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's
friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"
The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple
pole in a complex plane."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
In the middle of a wide field is a pot of gold. 100 feet to the north stands
a smart manager. 100 feet to the south stands a dumb manager. 100 feet to
the east is the Easter Bunny, and 100 feet to the west is Santa Claus.
Q: Who gets to the pot of gold first?
A: The dumb manager. All the rest are myths.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
I will be known as Ian Black, Ean can be Ian Red, Netgod Ian Blue,
Che gets Ian Yellow, CQ is Ian Purple and Joey is Ian Indigo
-- Some #Debian channel
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should
be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.
-- R.A. Heinlein
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...