"I expect my computers to be used for work only. I expect my phones to be used for work only. Should you receive a personal call, keep it short. Should you receive a personal e-mail, I expect the e-mail either not answered, or a brief note telling whoever is sending you e-mails at work to stop immediately. Should I go through machines, which I assure you, I will be doing, and I find anything to the contrary, you will be terminated immediately. For those who think I am kidding, and do not get with this program, I will promise you that by Christmas eve 8:00 you will be gone."
Sure thing, Admiral. Tell you what, you can take your job, your computers, your phones and your bullshit policy and park 'em, up left and sideways.
If I worked where a policy like this was issued, I would quit instantly.
Suppose one of my kids gets hurt at school? Suppose my wife wants to meet for lunch? What if I have to talk with the bank, real estate agent, phone company, gardener, car mechanic? Guess what? I'm talking the call, and if you don't like it, TOUGH SHIT.
Anime. Say what you will about burying studio ghibli films. They bought them and brought them to the US and played a big part in popularizing anime to the general public.
Bzzzt. No.
Cartoon Network, ADV, Pioneer, Suncoast, etc. popularized anime to the general public. The only reason Disney became involved was because revenues were growing 1500% a year.
There are few things disney puts out that are *worse* than watching another episode of pokemon.
There are few things Disney puts out that make as much money as another episode of Pokemon. Anime did over $4 billion last year without $35 billion in capital, access to 4000 theaters, hundreds of retail stores, cable networks, radio stations, several Newsweek covers and the front page of the Wall Street Journal.
people whos PCs are infested with dialers, trojans, browser-infecting gremlims.
...endless sewers of blackened, soot-encrusted filth, seeping down into the corners of a stinking festering catacomb of disease-ridden, maggot-infested swill, bubbling through the rusted, cracked pipes and valves of a twisted disgusting maze of dripping, greasy rot.
Any moron who works at a company and opens said attachment should be fired anyway.
So remember folks: all those years of school, training, reading, getting up at 5:30AM, working your ass off, overtime, weekends, holidays, sitting in meetings, telling your asshole boss how smart he is...
...all reverse vacuumed into the shitpipe because you made one mistake. There's no excuse for being human in an inhuman workplace. Take your parting gifts, pack up your shit and get the fuck out. Time to watch your career get destroyed.
$300 a month for car payment, insurance and gas. $50 a month for clothes. $50 a month washing the clothes at a laundromat. $25 a month for telephone service
$4500 in month three after the layoffs. Car gone in month four. Credit and apartment gone in month five.
if your budget is keeping you from snapping up a larger player
Any article that uses the phrase "snapping up" triggers the hip-trendy bullshit alarm so loud that it cracks the sidewalk. The same goes for hyphenated phrases like "consumer-savvy" and "memory-hungry."
People "snap up" Tic-Tacs. Not $400 music players.
I can see it now. The G5s, after getting a college education, pick and choose their new jobs.
"I'm very sorry, Mr. G5, but your education is simply not relevant to the job you are applying for. It says here you are running Mac OS X 10.2.6, but we need someone with Mac OS X 10.2.5 experience.
I'd be asked to fill out an application when I got in the office. And all they would do with it was staple it to my resume. Why not just use the resume? I've never understood this.
It's so they can mash your face into the shallow pool of wet shit that is just part of the job. It's sort of a preview of the work environment.
And here people actually thought it was our qualifications that were at issue. Some of us knew better. Some of us have known better for years. Here are the reasons people are disqualified, as written:
1) Spacing before and after punctuation. (the #3 reason to disqualify job applicants).
2) How the cover letter is attached to the e-mail.
3) The cover letter is written too well. (One would presume that using 100% perfect puncutation would also spam-filter the cover letter)
4) Capitalization of pronouns.
5) The e-mail address domain.
6) Which company advertises in the e-mails, and whether they compete with the company advertising for employees.
7) The structure of the salutation.
Note that there is not a single mention of qualifications, education or experience. Not one. In fact, none of the three words EVEN APPEARS IN THE ARTICLE.
Proofread everything a hundred times and have one other person proofread it. Someone who got really good grades in English.
Just don't let them edit it or modify any grammar or sentence structure or it will go into the "fake cover letter" spam folder.
Write a personal cover letter that is customized for the job you are applying for. Try to sound like a human in the cover letter. You want people to think of you as a human being.
In other words, dramatically reduce your chances of finding a good job by only giving yourself enough time to send out perhaps 10 resumes for every 10 hours of work.
Study the directions that are given for how to apply. They are there for a reason... which we go through to find good candidates. If you think for some reason that your resume will get more attention if you print it out and send it through the mail,
In other words, to show more effort and dedication...
Paper resumes can't get into the email folder we're using to keep track of applicants unless we scan them in, and, you know what? The scanner is right next to the shredder in my office and the shredder is easier to use.
No comment.
Don't apply for too many jobs. I don't think there's ever a reason to apply for more than three or four jobs at a time.
That's because you have a job.
Resumespam, or any sign that you're applying for 100 jobs, just makes you look desperate which makes you look unqualified.
In other words, if you are starving, make sure to wear a tuxedo and order the lite salad.
You want to look like you are good enough to be in heavy demand.
...but only just "look like it."
You're going to decide where you want to work, because you're smart enough to have a choice in the matter, so you only need to apply for one or two jobs.
...at two companies where the shredder is easier to use.
A personalized cover letter that shows that you understand what the company does goes a long way to proving that you care enough to deserve a chance.
So does taking the time to send an actual letter.
Some of this stuff may sound pretty superficial.
It is superficial.
Indeed, what we're really looking for when we look at resumes is someone who is passionate and successful at whatever they try to do.
Wow, we're 80% in and the word "experience" hasn't appeared once.
Writing a shareware app when you're a teenager is just as good a qualification to us as getting into MIT.
This statement is beyond all reality.
Much as I'd love to be able to consider everyone on their merits instead of on superficial resume stuff, it's just not realistic, and there's just no reason a college graduate can't get this right.
Irrefutable proof that experience, education and competence are ABSOLUTELY IRRELEVANT in the contemporary workplace. Period. The argument is over.
I'm one of the few remaining dipshits who believe that there is such a thing as a career offered by lying, cheat fucks in middle management.
So, I'm including a copy of my resume in the tragic and somewhat pathetic expectation of adding to my world-record collection of "fuck you" letters.
I have written the resume to the contemporary "I don't give a shit(tm)" standard. I made sure to underemphasize my education, even though I invested five years and $75,000 to earn it. I made sure to include my "experience" even though I know for a fact that those details will make it even easier to disqualify my experience on the basis of a different build version.
I have also included an enormous list of accomplishments, which I am fully aware will also disqualify me because you fuckers don't want anyone to know there are people who actually produce something at work.
I have also included my salary history at your request, so you will have just one more reason to chuckle and toss this resume into the trash can so fast it leaves a dent.
So, in closing, I'd like to be considered for the "Entry-level shit-shoveler B" position, even though I have ten years of senior-level experience on two dozen software platforms.
I'd also like to say "Thanks a lot asshole. Take your job and park it," in advance, just so I can save you the time which I'm sure you consider better invested in a meeting or signing up for this week's donut list.
Are a pain in the ass. I noticed this the day a colleague tried to install Windows 1900 on a "Made for XP" notebook. OEM drivers were nowhere to be found, and all the new drivers refused to install because they were "optimized for XP." The CDs that came with the machine were only "disk image restore" CDs. so re-installing the OS was impossible.
Linux (Red Hat 9), of course, installed without so much as an extra line feed, and supported each and every device perfectly. This was a fairly new notebook as well. It was amazing.
Can't figure out why manufacturers go out of their way to make it difficult for people to work with their own computers the way they want. Centrino should be supported, especially with notebooks being as expensive as they are.
Money-motivated? Do you mean the employees trying to make a living or the middle managers stuffing their pockets with bonuses and options earned by firing people?
Amazing, isn't it? Writing comments correctly debugging an $800 million spacecraft on another planet without even looking at it, and most programmers still can't rent a fuckin' job.
Slashdot Mirror
"I expect my computers to be used for work only. I expect my phones to be used for work only. Should you receive a personal call, keep it short. Should you receive a personal e-mail, I expect the e-mail either not answered, or a brief note telling whoever is sending you e-mails at work to stop immediately. Should I go through machines, which I assure you, I will be doing, and I find anything to the contrary, you will be terminated immediately. For those who think I am kidding, and do not get with this program, I will promise you that by Christmas eve 8:00 you will be gone."
Sure thing, Admiral. Tell you what, you can take your job, your computers, your phones and your bullshit policy and park 'em, up left and sideways.
If I worked where a policy like this was issued, I would quit instantly.
Suppose one of my kids gets hurt at school? Suppose my wife wants to meet for lunch? What if I have to talk with the bank, real estate agent, phone company, gardener, car mechanic? Guess what? I'm talking the call, and if you don't like it, TOUGH SHIT.
Or I am totally missing something here?
People don't like being shoved up against a wall.
but without that 3D edge it just doesn't generate mass appeal.
Really? Dragonball Z doesn't generate mass appeal?
To the US audience, 2D is a cartoon but 3D is acceptable for mass appeal.
Nice generalization. Been to Suncoast lately? Best Buy?
They have very large animation studios in both France and Japan;
had
Anime. Say what you will about burying studio ghibli films. They bought them and brought them to the US and played a big part in popularizing anime to the general public.
Bzzzt. No.
Cartoon Network, ADV, Pioneer, Suncoast, etc. popularized anime to the general public. The only reason Disney became involved was because revenues were growing 1500% a year.
There are few things disney puts out that are *worse* than watching another episode of pokemon.
There are few things Disney puts out that make as much money as another episode of Pokemon. Anime did over $4 billion last year without $35 billion in capital, access to 4000 theaters, hundreds of retail stores, cable networks, radio stations, several Newsweek covers and the front page of the Wall Street Journal.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
The new motto of corporate middle management.
people whos PCs are infested with dialers, trojans, browser-infecting gremlims.
...endless sewers of blackened, soot-encrusted filth, seeping down into the corners of a stinking festering catacomb of disease-ridden, maggot-infested swill, bubbling through the rusted, cracked pipes and valves of a twisted disgusting maze of dripping, greasy rot.
:)
Sounds great.
Any moron who works at a company and opens said attachment should be fired anyway.
...all reverse vacuumed into the shitpipe because you made one mistake. There's no excuse for being human in an inhuman workplace. Take your parting gifts, pack up your shit and get the fuck out. Time to watch your career get destroyed.
So remember folks: all those years of school, training, reading, getting up at 5:30AM, working your ass off, overtime, weekends, holidays, sitting in meetings, telling your asshole boss how smart he is...
OS X rules. Should just get a Mac and ignore the argument. Think about it: all the apps, all the CPU speed, 8GB RAM, and a *nix operating system.
Offtopic, Flamebait and Troll, and the little grey duck took all the karma home.
$ 9 868 000 000 000 USD
Wow. $9.8 trillion. Now that's a lot of banner ads.
Bullshit.
One word: SPAM.
'nuff said.
Why? The companies can't make much money at it. The value just isn't there to the consumer.
Explains the $17 billion in annual revenues.
"Oh, we just can't make any money!!"
"Sure thing boss. You could sell that fuckin' chair and put four people through college."
A one bedroom apartment for $500 a month.
lol double it.
$50 a month for electric.
triple it.
$150 a month for food.
triple it
$300 a month for car payment, insurance and gas. $50 a month for clothes. $50 a month washing the clothes at a laundromat. $25 a month for telephone service
$4500 in month three after the layoffs. Car gone in month four. Credit and apartment gone in month five.
People will think this is hyperbole. It isn't.
if your budget is keeping you from snapping up a larger player
Any article that uses the phrase "snapping up" triggers the hip-trendy bullshit alarm so loud that it cracks the sidewalk. The same goes for hyphenated phrases like "consumer-savvy" and "memory-hungry."
People "snap up" Tic-Tacs. Not $400 music players.
No anime in the best animated picture category. Nemo will win, allowing Disney another "me too" moment at the Oscars.
Meanwhile, anime yawns and breaks the $4 billion mark.
Disney's response? Brother Bear.
That about wraps it up.
I can see it now. The G5s, after getting a college education, pick and choose their new jobs.
"I'm very sorry, Mr. G5, but your education is simply not relevant to the job you are applying for. It says here you are running Mac OS X 10.2.6, but we need someone with Mac OS X 10.2.5 experience.
Thanks for stopping by."
What would be a better question?
...and every person I work with is a bona-fide all-star.
"Can you do the job?"
"Yes."
"You're hired."
I'd rather spend time building the business than horseshitting around with 45-minute job interviews.
I'd be asked to fill out an application when I got in the office. And all they would do with it was staple it to my resume. Why not just use the resume? I've never understood this.
It's so they can mash your face into the shallow pool of wet shit that is just part of the job. It's sort of a preview of the work environment.
And here people actually thought it was our qualifications that were at issue. Some of us knew better. Some of us have known better for years. Here are the reasons people are disqualified, as written:
... which we go through to find good candidates. If you think for some reason that your resume will get more attention if you print it out and send it through the mail,
...but only just "look like it."
...at two companies where the shredder is easier to use.
1) Spacing before and after punctuation. (the #3 reason to disqualify job applicants).
2) How the cover letter is attached to the e-mail.
3) The cover letter is written too well. (One would presume that using 100% perfect puncutation would also spam-filter the cover letter)
4) Capitalization of pronouns.
5) The e-mail address domain.
6) Which company advertises in the e-mails, and whether they compete with the company advertising for employees.
7) The structure of the salutation.
Note that there is not a single mention of qualifications, education or experience. Not one. In fact, none of the three words EVEN APPEARS IN THE ARTICLE.
Proofread everything a hundred times and have one other person proofread it. Someone who got really good grades in English.
Just don't let them edit it or modify any grammar or sentence structure or it will go into the "fake cover letter" spam folder.
Write a personal cover letter that is customized for the job you are applying for. Try to sound like a human in the cover letter. You want people to think of you as a human being.
In other words, dramatically reduce your chances of finding a good job by only giving yourself enough time to send out perhaps 10 resumes for every 10 hours of work.
Study the directions that are given for how to apply. They are there for a reason
In other words, to show more effort and dedication...
Paper resumes can't get into the email folder we're using to keep track of applicants unless we scan them in, and, you know what? The scanner is right next to the shredder in my office and the shredder is easier to use.
No comment.
Don't apply for too many jobs. I don't think there's ever a reason to apply for more than three or four jobs at a time.
That's because you have a job.
Resumespam, or any sign that you're applying for 100 jobs, just makes you look desperate which makes you look unqualified.
In other words, if you are starving, make sure to wear a tuxedo and order the lite salad.
You want to look like you are good enough to be in heavy demand.
You're going to decide where you want to work, because you're smart enough to have a choice in the matter, so you only need to apply for one or two jobs.
A personalized cover letter that shows that you understand what the company does goes a long way to proving that you care enough to deserve a chance.
So does taking the time to send an actual letter.
Some of this stuff may sound pretty superficial.
It is superficial.
Indeed, what we're really looking for when we look at resumes is someone who is passionate and successful at whatever they try to do.
Wow, we're 80% in and the word "experience" hasn't appeared once.
Writing a shareware app when you're a teenager is just as good a qualification to us as getting into MIT.
This statement is beyond all reality.
Much as I'd love to be able to consider everyone on their merits instead of on superficial resume stuff, it's just not realistic, and there's just no reason a college graduate can't get this right.
Irrefutable proof that experience, education and competence are ABSOLUTELY IRRELEVANT in the contemporary workplace. Period. The argument is over.
Dear Liar,
I'm one of the few remaining dipshits who believe that there is such a thing as a career offered by lying, cheat fucks in middle management.
So, I'm including a copy of my resume in the tragic and somewhat pathetic expectation of adding to my world-record collection of "fuck you" letters.
I have written the resume to the contemporary "I don't give a shit(tm)" standard. I made sure to underemphasize my education, even though I invested five years and $75,000 to earn it. I made sure to include my "experience" even though I know for a fact that those details will make it even easier to disqualify my experience on the basis of a different build version.
I have also included an enormous list of accomplishments, which I am fully aware will also disqualify me because you fuckers don't want anyone to know there are people who actually produce something at work.
I have also included my salary history at your request, so you will have just one more reason to chuckle and toss this resume into the trash can so fast it leaves a dent.
So, in closing, I'd like to be considered for the "Entry-level shit-shoveler B" position, even though I have ten years of senior-level experience on two dozen software platforms.
I'd also like to say "Thanks a lot asshole. Take your job and park it," in advance, just so I can save you the time which I'm sure you consider better invested in a meeting or signing up for this week's donut list.
Another fucked-over job candidate
Are a pain in the ass. I noticed this the day a colleague tried to install Windows 1900 on a "Made for XP" notebook. OEM drivers were nowhere to be found, and all the new drivers refused to install because they were "optimized for XP." The CDs that came with the machine were only "disk image restore" CDs. so re-installing the OS was impossible.
Linux (Red Hat 9), of course, installed without so much as an extra line feed, and supported each and every device perfectly. This was a fairly new notebook as well. It was amazing.
Can't figure out why manufacturers go out of their way to make it difficult for people to work with their own computers the way they want. Centrino should be supported, especially with notebooks being as expensive as they are.
Please respect that. Jobs are at stake.
Well, they were. The last of the engineers were fired last Thursday.
Hollywood is there to make money, not please you.
This sentence has probably the highest irony to words ratio ever.
For anyone who doubted that any unpaid creative work or thinking is constantly belittled and laughed at, there you go.
The money-motivated didn't want to spend the time
Money-motivated? Do you mean the employees trying to make a living or the middle managers stuffing their pockets with bonuses and options earned by firing people?
Amazing, isn't it? Writing comments correctly debugging an $800 million spacecraft on another planet without even looking at it, and most programmers still can't rent a fuckin' job.
Now let's all sing the company song...