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User: Channard

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  1. I for one.. on Two New Space Tourists Announced · · Score: 2, Funny

    .. am incensed by the lack of opportunity for 'evil overlord jokes'. Damn you Nasa, you insensitive clods!

  2. Pre-boarding conversation... on Two New Space Tourists Announced · · Score: 5, Funny
    'Here you so, sir! Your tickets. Welcome to the Space Shuttle.'

    'Thanks.. er, why does my ticket say 'ballast' on it, instead of my name?'

    'Er, merely a formality sir. Now if you just take your seat in the 'duct taped to the wing' section.'

  3. Re:More important.. on Blockbuster Chief: End DVD Region Codes · · Score: 1

    I mean the Film Four production house - I believe its full name was Film Four Limited - details of its demise are at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/film/2118 221.stm

  4. And believe me.. on City Of Austin Migrating To OpenOffice.org · · Score: 1

    .. having worked in IS Support, I know that there are some right tools in the wrong jobs.

  5. Re:More important.. on Blockbuster Chief: End DVD Region Codes · · Score: 3, Informative

    Apparently the Toshiba Progressive 5109 and the Apex do this, though I've not tried either. At least with VCR you could fast forward them. One DVD, the UK version of 'The Contenders: Series 7' even had a whole unskippable advert for the now deceased Film Four.

  6. Case in point.. on Blockbuster Chief: End DVD Region Codes · · Score: 1
    It certainly would be a good idea, IMO, in that it'd force studios to actually synchronize their movies. Take Jason X - I actually managed to buy this movie legally on Spanish DVD a full two months before it hit US cinemas, hitting UK cinemas even later. And I picked up both Ghosts of Mars and Pitch Black for the price of two cinema tickets each (again, legal versions from the US).

    The one stumbling block I can see to this is that for studios to get maximum financial benefits from this - and hence the incentive to do this - they'd have to actually have the exact same DVD hitting the world over. Not only are differing video standards a barrier to this, but also European versions of the film tend to have extra language tracks. Which doesn't leave enough room for too many commentary tracks, hence the UK Fight Club DVD lacking three of the four commentaries.

  7. Re:What Would Steve Do? on 55 Operating Systems On A PowerBook · · Score: 3, Funny
    Would he crap his pants?

    That's 'crap his pants and see a glorious business opportunity, releasing the I-Poop, the portable MP3 playing colostomy bag' you I-nsensitive clod!

  8. Oh no! Let's go! on 55 Operating Systems On A PowerBook · · Score: 4, Funny
    Now, run every single possible emulator available for each OS (from Sinclair Spectrum to CP/M to Atari 8-bit to N-64). That would multiply whatever "wow!" factor is involved here.

    And have 'Lemmings' running on every single one.

  9. Re:I don't support Zionists. on Israeli Gov't Begins Testing Mandrake Linux · · Score: 1, Funny
    Well I would vote for free bombs as in freely blowing up jews. Unfortunately blackpowder (which is required to make bombs) costs money. I haven't found a store which belives into free giving away blackpowder.

    Perhaps if you tell them you're planning on taking it to a disused warehouse, and engaging in a dangerous experiment to clean up the gene pool which will, in all likelyhood, end your own existence, but harm no-one else, they might be willing to help.

  10. Re:I don't support Zionists. on Israeli Gov't Begins Testing Mandrake Linux · · Score: 4, Funny
    What is the difference between a Zionist and a White Supremacist? Both believe that God has given them dominion over their land and right to kill anyone who resides on it that they don't like.

    Really? You must have seen the director's cut of The Matrix films. I thought the Zionists were more into have huge great rave scenes and then running about in powerloaders.

  11. Poor quality gag. on Israeli Gov't Begins Testing Mandrake Linux · · Score: 3, Funny
    I really don't understand the need to mention Bush here.

    Oh, come on - you can never have too much bush. Especially at Christmas. I mean holly of course - what did you think I meant?

  12. Boom! on Israeli Gov't Begins Testing Mandrake Linux · · Score: 0, Troll
    B) Not triggering an all-out nuclear war with anyone before the end of his term.

    And I for one will welcome our new linux-using sco-hating Gore-voting mutant cockroach overlords.

  13. Re:for everything else... on The Cost of 12 Days of Christmas · · Score: 1
    Eight minutes of a maid milking you... priceless!

    Or maybe someone just accidentally wandered into the mother and child room of the local store during a mass breastfeeding.

  14. They've ignored the reuse/return opportunities.. on The Cost of 12 Days of Christmas · · Score: 2, Funny
    .. after all, there after Christmas, there are plenty of reuse opportunities for the items, after the recipient of the items has got bored or overwhelmed by the gifts. For example:

    The 'gold' rings could be put in special presentation cases and sold on E-Bay as the official Lord of the Rings One True Ring (five available).

    The Two Turtle Doves could be fitted with Bandanas and sold as Ninja Turtle Doves to kids.

    The French Hens could be resold as 'Freedom Hens', packaged with the slogan 'Laying Eggs for our boys in the Gulf.'

    The Swans could be rented out to high class celebrity weddings - the Swans no doubt lasting longer than the marriage.

    The geese could be fed the leftovers and used to produce a delicious foie-de-gras pate, far preferable to the leftover turkey traditionally eaten from December 25th to November.

    I'm sure there are more opportunities for reuse - anyone else got any ideas?

  15. Re:Umm... on Multiplayer Linux Games · · Score: 2, Funny
    Unless she works, you should set up a deal that you can spend as much on the computer (or TV) yearly that she spends on shoes/jewelery (or starbucks) did that with my wife

    Damn his wife's insensitive clogs!

  16. Adverts? No problem... on Free IBM Computers For UK Households · · Score: 1

    What's the fuss about the adverts? Don't these people have Tivo? Oh, PC adverts... er... duct tape across the screen, maybe?

  17. What about... on U.N. Delays Debate on Cloning · · Score: 2, Funny
    More of a comparison, who is more bigotted, the scientist or the Christian zelot? kjorn

    Hey, what about the bigotted christian scientists, you insensitive clod?

  18. Bingo! on U.N. Delays Debate on Cloning · · Score: 1

    Who needs more than one Linus? Why not just clone McBride, and have Linus duke it out with them. The fight could take place in a rainy street, and maybe Linus could beat the McBrides off with an iron pole or maybe just fight the chief McBride and.. oh, wait a minute. Been done.

  19. Ignoring the most important issue. on Heads-Up Displays for Motorcyclists · · Score: 1

    This is all very well and good, but clearly funding needs to be reserved to address the most important hi-tech biking question. If the bike in Streethawk was bullet-proof, as was the bike, how come none of the bad guys thought of just shooting the rider off the bike? And then maybe we can move onto investigating why no-one thought of putting a bomb in Kit's exhaust pipe.

  20. It's-a-me, Mario! Or Kirby. on Motion Controlled Smartphone Previewed · · Score: 1

    The technology itself isn't new - I'm just surprised it took this long for someone to integrate it in this manner. A Kirby Pinball game on the GBA put this to practical use, having the motion of the GBA - or rather the motion of a sensor in the cart - determine how Kirby rolled around. Cue Super Monkey Ball 3 on the Origo..

  21. Free energy! on Scientists Freeze Pulse Of Light · · Score: 4, Funny
    According to the Slashdot summary, it is apparently possible to destroy energy!!! Issac Newton may turn in his grave...

    And if we can hook him up to a dynamo and a generator, we've got free energy sorted. Truly, this is an age of wonders.

  22. Let there be light, baby. on Scientists Freeze Pulse Of Light · · Score: 5, Funny
    Is that going to be your pickup line at said bar?

    What's wrong with 'Does this smell like chloroform to you?'

    As for the frozen light, I'm thinking this will herald a new line in novelty items of the type sold at Spencer Gifts, only to be shoved in a cupboard two days later and never seen again.

  23. Re:Why not on Building A Low-Budget TiVo Substitute? · · Score: 1
    bECAUSE wE aRE tOO bUSY hAVING hETEROSEXUAL sEX, sOMETHING yOU rEFUSE tO tRY dUE tO uNCONTROLABLE fEELINGS oF fAGGOTRY!

    Man, the standard of script writers on 'Friends' has really dropped.

  24. Nope, but.. on Building A Low-Budget TiVo Substitute? · · Score: 1
    A VCR is not nonlinear, and it's not hackable like a TiVo is.

    But tapes are portable - a Tivo style device with a DVDR in it with the ability to move recording to DVD would be the best of both worlds.

  25. I just hope someone remembers... on Australian Pilot Stranded In Antarctica · · Score: 1

    .. to have the petri dish, scalpel, hot wire and associated blood test kit for when he comes back.. just in case.