Having recently had a similar experience, I must say that several things played a major role in my recovery:
Poetry - a way to let it all out. The energy piles up and you have to do something with it. My choice is to write poems.
Friends, siblings and parents - yes, they can actually help. People often underestimate these "resources", but friends, siblings and parents are a tremendous source of experience; it is most likely they've gone through such a thing and they can provide many ideas.
Understanding the cause of the break-up - I think this applies to any geek. We can't "close a case" unless we've understood it. If you don't understand a problem and try to deal with it by hardcoding "return TRUE" somewhere in your code - you're not over it. Your mind will keep returning to the problem, because such is the nature of a true geek. In plain English it means that even if you get together with another woman, some of your CPU time will be dedicated to the ex - and this is a recipe for a disaster.
But once you have it all figured out and everything makes sense - you are over it.
What didn't help me:
Spending more time at work.
Cycling and various exercises - works for a short while, but then your brain adapts and develops the ability to think about "her" while you're on your bike:-)
Yes - later it turned out that someone was indeed behind my back and I was wrong when I was trying to find the problem in myself. General advice: stick to someone who can tolerate mistakes, otherwise they will end up like the protagonist of the last poem.
Got a friend with a similar situation. The problem is that your expectations were too high, while her expectations were much lower than yours.
It is like hugging everyone when you meet them - this decreases a "value" of a hug. To a non-hugger (i.e. someone who only hugs special people) being hugged by a hyper-hugger the situation is interpreted as "wow! I am hugged by this person, it means that something is going on". Of course, you get to see the big picture when you realize they hug everyone they see.
For some people kisses are like that too.
For some people, having sex is also a "common thing" which does not necessarily involve feelings, serious intentions and plans for the future.
Therefore the only thing I can tell you is to learn not to rush things. Take your time and get to know the person. Yes, there are indeed "a lot of women like that in the world, who lack basic empathy for the pain they cause to men", but it doesn't mean that you don't have the power not to let them hurt you.
FYI, when a Russian says "no" they say "net", not "nyet".
I have no idea where this comes from, but I've seen many non-Russian speakers (even those whose native language has a word that sounds exactly like "net") write and say it that way.
I am writing a short (20..30 pages) illustrated guide for students, it is about efficient ways of taking notes in class.
Can you describe in more detail your views on what exactly makes reading difficult? Perhaps you can provide some examples of good typesetting and bad typesetting you've encountered?
How about this - in a well implemented cipher, the quality of the random data must be very high (i.e. a high level of entropy). If you compare that with "usual" random data, you will see that the levels of entropy are different - hence you have reasons to believe that parts of that are actually encrypted data.
All random bits are equally random, but some are more random than others.
One can still find traces of it, for example: - the \Windows\Prefetch directory will have a file that refers to the program's executable (thus you'll have to rename it) - programs such as Word will have files in their "recently opened" list that point to a volume that currently doesn't exist - the program's drivers (if they are used) will be found in the system, etc
Schneier wrote about it earlier, check out his site.
Can you tell me more about how the projector works in a real world environment? I am interested in these points:
Power consumption
Heat
Noise
Wear of the lamp
Picture quality
From what I understand, projectors don't like it when they work many hours in a row; besides that, they don't tolerate frequent on/off cycles well (so in most cases you'll have to wait a while until the device operates again after it was powered off).
Which model do you use, for how long was it in use? Have you owned a HDTV before it?
There is a usability issue - different people prefer different settings, as their hands have a different strength. The keyboard must be able to memorize a "user profile", otherwise folks on multi-user systems (or those who use someone else's computer) will have issues.
It is impractical for us to carry that profile around on portable media, and not every machine is connected to the Internet; perhaps the alternative is to choose your profile from a list of preset categories (ex: beginner, ex-typist, hardcore gamer, etc).
This can also be used as a form of authentication, but I doubt it will be reliable; besides, it is by definition much slower than scanning a finger.
Any piece of code running on the system can be written in such a way that it forces the CPU to enter a high power consumption mode too often.
Check out the research related to the development of powertop - it has clearly demonstrated that many user-mode programs have a negative impact on power consumption; the use of powertop allowed them to find the "offenders".
The more processes you have, the more code there is - the greater is the probability that a part of it is not written with power efficiency in mind.
Thanks for the feedback, it is greatly appreciated. What you say makes sense, but it applies only to cases in which both have successful careers before getting married (or living together). So I'd like to know your opinion about the other cases - when equality is not something the couple has from the very beginning.
Can you provide some hints to folks who get to start with an unbalanced "degree of wealth"?
My experience so far tells me that if someone has no job, or a poorly-paid one, they may not be able to pay even half of the bills, not to mention that they have no disposable income. This forces other person from the couple to turn into a "provider" - which will only emphasize the inequality.
In the end it boils down to trust. Sadly, I've seen a case in which even a well-educated and reasonable person would still end up feeling inferior ("I live in your apartment", "I have to ask money from you", etc.), in spite of the numerous attempts to explain that "this is all ours". Encouraging them to find a job is interpreted as "you make me feel even more miserable by pointing out that I am just consuming". If there was trust, they would know that their partner is being cooperative (and the "you make me feel inferior" part wouldn't happen).
It would be a pity to label such relationships as "defective by design", perhaps there is a way?
Another question in the same context - what do you do when your levels of disposable income are not the same? Why? a. to each according to their merits b. the wealthier party reduces their standards until they match those of the partner c. the wealthier party shares their income so that both are at the same level
Boot into safe mode, then use a tool such as Autoruns by Sysinternals to see what's starting when Windows loads.
On an infected system you will see a number of drivers and shell extensions that are not a part of a standard Windows installation. Some of them may be things that were installed by the user, but most of them are malicious software.
Of course, getting rid of that stuff is an entirely different question.
Re: #6, someone else commented above that money will indeed cause problems, but their solution was to have everything joined.
3 - drop the "my money" and "your money" bull. it's all your familys money. Every dollar you make is hers, and every dollar she makes is yours. You both have a 100% say in what get's spent where start hiding crap or lying and you are destroying your relationship. you both make decisions about it's use.
Both comments seem to be coming from people with experience, and both of them seem to be resolving the same problem - but the approaches are in a clear contradiction. What do you think about this?
I am asking as a genuinely interested person, not yet married, but I've had my deal of relationships + I have some input from my father on this. Can you provide a more verbose explanation of point#6?
I think the main problem is that in some cases relationships are not balanced, ex: if one has a job and the other one hasn't; or if their salaries and their demands are different. It seems to work for you, but what's your financial status? How is your career going? And how is her's?
I've seen quite a few relationships in which she makes less, thus some sort of a dependency is created; in such circumstances implementing your approach is impossible.
If you use Google's servers just as a means of getting something sent via SMTP and received via POP - you can configure your email client to use a digital certificate and encrypt all your correspondence.
Even if Google keeps everything in their archive, it is still encrypted.
Sounds like a good compromise to me. Before you say "getting a certificate from CA costs money", remember that you can set up your own CA, or get a certificate for free.
The babies will gaze and smile towards what they find attractive, and ignore what they don't find attractive.
Yes, I have recently learned smiles and attention are the things we can "measure" when dealing with babies; there is an amazing course from Yale available online: http://academicearth.org/courses/introduction-to-psychology. Check out lecture #5, that's where the professor explains in more details what you described in your message.
One question - how do we know it is beauty babies smile at? What if it is something else, and we mistakenly attribute it to the wrong feature?
If my hypothesis holds water, is it a choice thing, or is it an evolutionary thing?
It cannot be an "evolutionary thing", because your approach to life makes it extremely unlikely that you will have children, therefore from the evolutionary perspective - you will make no difference.
In fact, I am going to ask you to reconsider, because otherwise the gene pool will be taken over by people who have little or nothing to offer.
From the two options that you mentioned, I'd go for "choice thing", but maybe we shouldn't limit ourselves to these two options, as there can be another explanation.
As someone who worked in Acronis, and wrote a bunch of code for True Image, I feel obliged to tell you that there's no C# code in it at all - it's all pure C++.
I should have mentioned that I am running a [third party] network firewall, to make sure the network attack vector is covered. For everything else, common sense is a good enough defensive measure.
That is a good question, and in my case things usually go this way:
I choose programs that store their data inside.ini or.conf files in their own directory
I backup the program's registry keys (after finding out which ones they are, using a tool like RegMon)
Other times the program will just re-create its own data in the registry if it can't find it. If those data are nothing critical - I just let it be. The cost of clicking a few checkboxes in a GUI is less than that of installing one OS on top of the other and letting the cruft pile up
One more detail - ever since I moved to Windows 2000, I rarely had to reinstall my OS. From my last two Windows machines, one worked for about 4 years (until I sold it), and the other one continues to work to this day (an XP laptop, at least 3 years old).
My trick is to disable the Windows update feature and not click anything stupid; I don't even use an antivirus. Today the system is as snappy as it was on day one.
Biometry should only be used for identification, not for authentication.
The fingerprint answers the question "who is this person?", and not the question "is it really this person?". It can be applied in the second case, but the problem is that we leave our fingerprints on everything we touch.
I speak three languages fluently, and I also know the basics of two other languages.
From the three primary languages, two (Russian, Romanian) were learned in early childhood, pretty much at the same time. English was my third, and although I learned it later, today I use it more often than the first two.
How does your statement apply to people like me? Does the dominant language vary with time, or is it defined "in the beginning"? How to determine the dominant language in my case?
One little note: I practically don't swear. The most aggressive thing I can say is usually a word from one language pronounced using the rules of the other; this way the people around are not offended.
I think they are pro full-disclosure, and this action is just a pun.
The message they are trying to get across is: "If you close your eyes, the world doesn't disappear. Here's an example of a hack, just to show you that vulnerabilities will continue to exist even if you don't make them public. Not only that, but there will also be people who will find them and use them, regardless of your will to make them public or not".
The message is worded well, others noticed it too; I think the author is too intelligent to be so ignorant of the truth.
Slashdot Mirror
Got the same problem, but with some tweaking I managed to make it less of a problem. The general idea is described here: http://railean.net/index.php/2009/01/04/remove_taskbar_become_more_productive
Basically, you have to reduce the number of stimuli around you; after a while the need to switch to a different task will get weaker.
Try to write some poetry, it works for me: http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1344153&cid=29161843
Having recently had a similar experience, I must say that several things played a major role in my recovery:
But once you have it all figured out and everything makes sense - you are over it.
What didn't help me:
Some reading material: Wary plod, Deception, Goal.
Yes - later it turned out that someone was indeed behind my back and I was wrong when I was trying to find the problem in myself.
General advice: stick to someone who can tolerate mistakes, otherwise they will end up like the protagonist of the last poem.
Got a friend with a similar situation. The problem is that your expectations were too high, while her expectations were much lower than yours.
It is like hugging everyone when you meet them - this decreases a "value" of a hug. To a non-hugger (i.e. someone who only hugs special people) being hugged by a hyper-hugger the situation is interpreted as "wow! I am hugged by this person, it means that something is going on". Of course, you get to see the big picture when you realize they hug everyone they see.
For some people kisses are like that too.
For some people, having sex is also a "common thing" which does not necessarily involve feelings, serious intentions and plans for the future.
Therefore the only thing I can tell you is to learn not to rush things. Take your time and get to know the person. Yes, there are indeed "a lot of women like that in the world, who lack basic empathy for the pain they cause to men", but it doesn't mean that you don't have the power not to let them hurt you.
FYI, when a Russian says "no" they say "net", not "nyet".
I have no idea where this comes from, but I've seen many non-Russian speakers (even those whose native language has a word that sounds exactly like "net") write and say it that way.
Must be some sort of a meme...
I am writing a short (20..30 pages) illustrated guide for students, it is about efficient ways of taking notes in class.
Can you describe in more detail your views on what exactly makes reading difficult? Perhaps you can provide some examples of good typesetting and bad typesetting you've encountered?
How about this - in a well implemented cipher, the quality of the random data must be very high (i.e. a high level of entropy). If you compare that with "usual" random data, you will see that the levels of entropy are different - hence you have reasons to believe that parts of that are actually encrypted data.
All random bits are equally random, but some are more random than others.
One can still find traces of it, for example:
- the \Windows\Prefetch directory will have a file that refers to the program's executable (thus you'll have to rename it)
- programs such as Word will have files in their "recently opened" list that point to a volume that currently doesn't exist
- the program's drivers (if they are used) will be found in the system, etc
Schneier wrote about it earlier, check out his site.
Can you tell me more about how the projector works in a real world environment? I am interested in these points:
From what I understand, projectors don't like it when they work many hours in a row; besides that, they don't tolerate frequent on/off cycles well (so in most cases you'll have to wait a while until the device operates again after it was powered off).
Which model do you use, for how long was it in use? Have you owned a HDTV before it?
There is a usability issue - different people prefer different settings, as their hands have a different strength. The keyboard must be able to memorize a "user profile", otherwise folks on multi-user systems (or those who use someone else's computer) will have issues.
It is impractical for us to carry that profile around on portable media, and not every machine is connected to the Internet; perhaps the alternative is to choose your profile from a list of preset categories (ex: beginner, ex-typist, hardcore gamer, etc).
This can also be used as a form of authentication, but I doubt it will be reliable; besides, it is by definition much slower than scanning a finger.
Any piece of code running on the system can be written in such a way that it forces the CPU to enter a high power consumption mode too often.
Check out the research related to the development of powertop - it has clearly demonstrated that many user-mode programs have a negative impact on power consumption; the use of powertop allowed them to find the "offenders".
The more processes you have, the more code there is - the greater is the probability that a part of it is not written with power efficiency in mind.
Thanks for the feedback, it is greatly appreciated. What you say makes sense, but it applies only to cases in which both have successful careers before getting married (or living together). So I'd like to know your opinion about the other cases - when equality is not something the couple has from the very beginning.
Can you provide some hints to folks who get to start with an unbalanced "degree of wealth"?
My experience so far tells me that if someone has no job, or a poorly-paid one, they may not be able to pay even half of the bills, not to mention that they have no disposable income. This forces other person from the couple to turn into a "provider" - which will only emphasize the inequality.
In the end it boils down to trust. Sadly, I've seen a case in which even a well-educated and reasonable person would still end up feeling inferior ("I live in your apartment", "I have to ask money from you", etc.), in spite of the numerous attempts to explain that "this is all ours". Encouraging them to find a job is interpreted as "you make me feel even more miserable by pointing out that I am just consuming". If there was trust, they would know that their partner is being cooperative (and the "you make me feel inferior" part wouldn't happen).
It would be a pity to label such relationships as "defective by design", perhaps there is a way?
Another question in the same context - what do you do when your levels of disposable income are not the same? Why?
a. to each according to their merits
b. the wealthier party reduces their standards until they match those of the partner
c. the wealthier party shares their income so that both are at the same level
Boot into safe mode, then use a tool such as Autoruns by Sysinternals to see what's starting when Windows loads.
On an infected system you will see a number of drivers and shell extensions that are not a part of a standard Windows installation. Some of them may be things that were installed by the user, but most of them are malicious software.
Of course, getting rid of that stuff is an entirely different question.
Re: #6, someone else commented above that money will indeed cause problems, but their solution was to have everything joined.
Both comments seem to be coming from people with experience, and both of them seem to be resolving the same problem - but the approaches are in a clear contradiction. What do you think about this?
I am asking as a genuinely interested person, not yet married, but I've had my deal of relationships + I have some input from my father on this. Can you provide a more verbose explanation of point#6?
I think the main problem is that in some cases relationships are not balanced, ex: if one has a job and the other one hasn't; or if their salaries and their demands are different. It seems to work for you, but what's your financial status? How is your career going? And how is her's?
I've seen quite a few relationships in which she makes less, thus some sort of a dependency is created; in such circumstances implementing your approach is impossible.
If you use Google's servers just as a means of getting something sent via SMTP and received via POP - you can configure your email client to use a digital certificate and encrypt all your correspondence.
Even if Google keeps everything in their archive, it is still encrypted.
Sounds like a good compromise to me. Before you say "getting a certificate from CA costs money", remember that you can set up your own CA, or get a certificate for free.
Yes, I have recently learned smiles and attention are the things we can "measure" when dealing with babies; there is an amazing course from Yale available online: http://academicearth.org/courses/introduction-to-psychology. Check out lecture #5, that's where the professor explains in more details what you described in your message.
One question - how do we know it is beauty babies smile at? What if it is something else, and we mistakenly attribute it to the wrong feature?
It cannot be an "evolutionary thing", because your approach to life makes it extremely unlikely that you will have children, therefore from the evolutionary perspective - you will make no difference.
In fact, I am going to ask you to reconsider, because otherwise the gene pool will be taken over by people who have little or nothing to offer.
From the two options that you mentioned, I'd go for "choice thing", but maybe we shouldn't limit ourselves to these two options, as there can be another explanation.
But how did it get so big then?
It could be related to synesthesia. Here is a video with a few references to it: http://www.ted.com/talks/vilayanur_ramachandran_on_your_mind.html
Your point is valid.
I should have mentioned that I am running a [third party] network firewall, to make sure the network attack vector is covered. For everything else, common sense is a good enough defensive measure.
That is a good question, and in my case things usually go this way:
One more detail - ever since I moved to Windows 2000, I rarely had to reinstall my OS. From my last two Windows machines, one worked for about 4 years (until I sold it), and the other one continues to work to this day (an XP laptop, at least 3 years old).
My trick is to disable the Windows update feature and not click anything stupid; I don't even use an antivirus. Today the system is as snappy as it was on day one.
Here is a post that describes that approach in somewhat greater detail.
Biometry should only be used for identification, not for authentication.
The fingerprint answers the question "who is this person?", and not the question "is it really this person?". It can be applied in the second case, but the problem is that we leave our fingerprints on everything we touch.
I speak three languages fluently, and I also know the basics of two other languages.
From the three primary languages, two (Russian, Romanian) were learned in early childhood, pretty much at the same time.
English was my third, and although I learned it later, today I use it more often than the first two.
How does your statement apply to people like me? Does the dominant language vary with time, or is it defined "in the beginning"? How to determine the dominant language in my case?
One little note: I practically don't swear. The most aggressive thing I can say is usually a word from one language pronounced using the rules of the other; this way the people around are not offended.
I think they are pro full-disclosure, and this action is just a pun.
The message they are trying to get across is: "If you close your eyes, the world doesn't disappear. Here's an example of a hack, just to show you that vulnerabilities will continue to exist even if you don't make them public. Not only that, but there will also be people who will find them and use them, regardless of your will to make them public or not".
The message is worded well, others noticed it too; I think the author is too intelligent to be so ignorant of the truth.