A Broken Heart Really Does Hurt, Scientists Claim

Death Metal writes "Psychologists at the University of California, Los Angeles say the human body has a gene that connects physical pain sensitivity with social pain sensitivity. The findings back the common theory that rejection 'hurts' by showing that a gene regulating the body's most potent painkillers — mu-opioids — is involved in socially painful experiences too."

Comments

slashdoters

[Anonymous Coward]

are familar with this effect

Re:slashdoters

[PeterBrett]

Some more than others, unfortunately.

Re:slashdoters

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't let the door hit you on your way out, Mr. Drama Queen.

Re:slashdoters

[Anonymous Coward]

Dude, just remember the old M*A*S*H theme;

"Suicide is painless.."

I know, I tried it once and it didn't hurt a bit.

Re:slashdoters

[Fred_A]

I have a broken heart because everyone close to me seems to hate me. Oh well right. Right now I have a petty handgun that I bought from a crackhead and I am going to just drop a bullet into my brain.

No no, your *heart*. The theme here is broken *heart*, not brain. Even if the gun was from a crack-head doesn't mean it cannot be applied to other parts of the body. Stay on focus. We're talking about the heart here.
No wonder everybody hates you.

Ohnoes.

[Anonymous Coward]

All the nerds out there are saying "This is bad."

Feel No Pain

[DirtyCanuck]

"Individuals with the rare form of the pain gene, who were shown in previous work to be more sensitive to physical pain"

Isolate and manipulate.

Do The Evolution ;)

Re:Feel No Pain

[girlintraining]

Do The Evolution ;)

You idiot... If you can't feel pain you can't learn. Adversity breeds character, but it also breeds common sense. People who can't feel pain have to be very careful because they won't know they're hurting themselves -- they will happily hold on to a burning-hot sauce pan and have no idea that in the process of making eggs they've just caused 3rd degree burns on their hand.

Besides, if you ever want to see the kind of damage not being able to feel pain can do -- go visit the hospital and head up to the department labeled "Chemical Dependency". You'll have a hundred new reasons to treasure your pain receptors after that...

Re:Feel No Pain

[Anonymous Coward]

The people who feel no pain also have all sorts of trouble learning what brings risk of death vs. what doesn't and tend to not be afraid of anything. They tend to die from falling off tall buildings or getting hit by cars etc.

Re:Feel No Pain

[uberjack]

I remember reading somewhere that people who can't feel pain, generally don't live past their 20's. Something almost always ends up killing them without them knowing.

Re:Feel No Pain

[DirtyCanuck]

I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
Twenty-ten, watch it go to fire
It's evolution, baby - P.J

Re:Feel No Pain

[Fred_A]

I remember reading somewhere that people who can't feel pain, generally don't live past their 20's. Something almost always ends up killing them without them knowing.

Which, as an aside, is why I've always been puzzled by the various claims that "fish (or insert your critter here) don't feel pain" (usually claimed by anglers so they can stick various pointy things through the animal's jaws) since it's such an essential evolutionary trait. It's more than likely that pretty much anything that has a reasonably complex nervous system can feel pain, including insects.

Re:Feel No Pain

[RockDoctor]

If you can't feel pain you can't learn.

Your evidence for this assertion is ...?

Adversity breeds character,

Your evidence for this assertion is ...? (having had to deal with a lot of the "adversity is character-building" retarded sadists over the years, I'm more of the opinion that adverse circumstances may discover or reveal innate character (sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse), but doesn't "build" or "develop" it (whatever those mean). While I'm a great fan of active, outdoor hobbies, I never did swallow that "character-building" mouthful from a number of the proponents I've met, including teachers.)

but it also breeds common sense.

s/common sense/experience/ and you'd be correct, almost by definition. But does "common sense" equal "experience"? I think not, though I wouldn't dispute that "experience" is a substantial component of "common sense". I think that turning experience into a reasonable probability of avoiding similar problems in the future, or of managing them better, will also certainly require a reasonable working memory, as well as a degree of introspection. The latter is certainly lacking in some people, often the ones who go on about "use some common sense!", because it needs you to accept that you may personally be wrong.

Re:Feel No Pain

[Fred_A]

It also reminds me that until very recently, human babies weren't thought to feel pain either and therefore weren't subjected to anaesthesia (not even a hearty swig of rum) before surgery. Granted children have a fairly incomplete nervous system for their first 8 years at least but pain is very very basic.
Oddly enough, it has since been established (presumably with cigarette butts and cattle prods) that infants feel pain very well (oops).

They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[StealthyRoid]

Finally, parents can know ahead of time if their kids are destined to grow up into whiny little John Hughes emo assholes, and vacuum the little bitch out before they have to end up paying for 20 years worth of Hot Topic clothes.

Up next, the Goth gene!

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[youn]

I wish they'd work on the I-love-the-techtonik-look-and-haircuts gene, that way we'd get rid of it once and for all

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[Drenaran]

What terrifies me is that I could easily see this form of child selection occurring. Remember how vain and cruel those girls from high school were? Well, guess what, those girls become the vain and cruel wives of rich men, placing them squarely in the realm of people who can afford to perform genetic screening on their kids and "weed out" "negative" traits.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[derGoldstein]

Remember how vain and cruel those girls from high school were? Well, guess what, those girls become the vain and cruel wives of rich men

That's anecdotal.

But even if it were true, then those same wealthy individuals would already have spread their own nature (vanity, cruelty, etc.) through their genes, as well as their behavior around their children, and those children will be sent to private schools and placed on a course to MBA-ish jobs when they graduate. If you were fearing the "dicks in high places" syndrome, it's already been deployed.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[Drenaran]

Oh, everyone is free to teach whatever traits they want to their kids - that's the nature of living in a free society. What I refer to is killing off the versions of our kids that are not liked because they have a genetic behavioral disposition. Not a severe disability, just a trait that makes them different or more sensitive. I'm pro-choice on the grounds that people should be aloud to control their own lives and make decisions about what they want to put their bodies through - what this represents though is termination of lives NOT on the basis of ones own body or ability to raise a child, but based upon non-life threatening genetic predispositions in our children. This line of thinking is dangerous, just as dangerous as going the other direction and banning choice.

http://www.explosm.net/comics/1681/ - This is our future.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[DigiShaman]

Just wait till the homosexual gene is found. If what you say becomes practice in the future, gays and lesbians will quickly become a large unified group of pro-lifers.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[FooAtWFU]

"Certainly, the eugenistic and racial ideologies that in the past humiliated man and provoked immense suffering are not being proposed again, but a new mentality is creeping in that tends to justify a different consideration of life and personal dignity . . . The tendency, therefore, is to give precedence to the active faculties, to proficiency, to physical perfection and beauty, to the detriment of other dimensions of existence that are not thought to matter. This weakens the respect that is due to every human being, even in the presence of a developmental defect or a genetic illness that could be manifested at some point in his life . . "

-- Pope Benedict XVI (cue kneejerk ad-hominem attack) on the systemic risks of genetic engineering.

and I personally speculate that eventually a "genetic illness" will include "you weren't bioengineered/genetically screened properly; why are you on our planet wasting our resources, scum?" (which is class warfare thinly veiled as environmentalism, too!)

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[R2.0]

"I'm pro-choice on the grounds that people should be aloud to control their own lives and make decisions about what they want to put their bodies through - what this represents though is termination of lives NOT on the basis of ones own body or ability to raise a child, but based upon non-life threatening genetic predispositions in our children. This line of thinking is dangerous,..."

Yes, because it erodes the moral basis for abortion itself - "choice". The vast majority of abortions are not performed because of physical danger to the woman, or disgust at the parasitic growth inside their bodies, or a philosophical objection to their bodies being used to increase the population. They are performed for convenience (although the level of inconvenience in pregnancy shouldn't be underestimate), fear ("My Mom's going to KILL meeee!"), or economics (powerful, but mitigable). And these decisions are wholly unbalanced, because legally a fetus has no standing, no rights. And, within pro choice thought, while fetuses might possibly have some moral value, it is far overwhelmed by the moral value of a woman having absolute freedom.

But your proposal goes against that. You are stating, in effect, that fetus's DO have moral value, in that women should not be allowed to abort them based on "non-life threatening genetic predispositions". But why should that have any value? If a woman wants a girl because she just can't picture herself raising a boy, she can abort a male fetus with the full legal and moral support of the pro-choice philosophy. Sure, individuals may have some misgivings, but they are obligated to accept the woman's choice as the highest authority.

Abortion is a nightmare politically and legally, but a deeper philosophical analysis shows up a lot more difficulties with the pro-choice position vs. the pro-life position.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[derGoldstein]

I agree with that part, I just don't think that who is doing the selection is relevant -- that's why I quoted the "vain high school girls" bit. A perfectly amicable, kind, and intelligent person might decide that they don't want a short kid because people will make fun of them, so they'll save the kid a life of misery and abort. It doesn't take a "bad person" to make the decision to start selecting. People will start selecting traits they want in their children from the moment the technology exists.

Also, at which point is the selection no-longer-wrong? If you didn't even have to fertilize an embryo, but could just pick the sperm and eggs, and then "virtualise" the process in order to see what traits you get, would that be wrong? Do we *have* to keep being random? I agree that it's wrong to kill an embryo because of some cosmetic issue and repeat the process until you get a perfect child (and others will argue the opposite, especially if it's very early in the pregnancy), but what if you don't even need to begin the process? What if you can get a list of *possible* outcomes and pick, without the need to fertilize? (academic at this point, since fertilization will be required in order to examine the result, but it's a possible, if not probably future development)

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[4D6963]

The solution for the tecktonik problem is simple : nuke France.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[The_mad_linguist]

I don't see how the existence of a homosexual gene that could be removed wouldn't also imply homosexuality being weeded out of the gene pool within three or four generations. Same effect as a sterility gene.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[Thing 1]

Just wait till the homosexual gene is found. If what you say becomes practice in the future, gays and lesbians will quickly become a large unified group of pro-lifers.

Yeah, but they'll only be pro-life for the embryos that exhibit the homosexual gene.

The future gets weirder and weirder.

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[Thing 1]

I'm missing an eye, from birth. I wonder if I'd be allowed to reach my mid-20s (let alone 1 year!) in such a future world that you envision (perhaps using both eyes?).

Re:They've discovered the Emo Gene!

[mpeskett]

I think I remember hearing one possibility - that there could be a gene that increases the carrier's attraction to males. Not sure whether this was rumoured, theorised, demonstrated or proven (or any level of credibility in between) but such a gene could be an adaptive trait that would be selected for in females, that then also sometimes gets passed to a male child.

Would be vaguely similar to how the gene responsible for sickle cell anaemia isn't selected against - it's advantageous enough to those with a single copy of the gene to be a net benefit, despite the problems caused by having a second copy. An "attraction to males" gene could be naturally selected for in females enough to counterbalance the evolutionary disadvantage in homosexual males.

claim they know WHY it hurts, not that it hurs

[Anonymous Coward]

They've long claimed it really hurts

isn't this obvious?

[phantomfive]

I've been punched in the face, I've had torn muscles, I've stubbed my toe, I've hit my thumb with a hammer, and nothing has hurt as much as a broken heart. This seemed pretty obvious to me, but I am glad that researchers are paying attention to feelings, and figuring out what is there.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[operator_error]

Painful, yes. But 'stress' is just that.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Jafafa Hots]

Shit... I've been hit by a pickup truck, had a shattered pelvis, fractured skull, internal injuries. Had to learn to walk again. Went through withdrawal from Demerol. Had a total bowel obstruction that required emergency surgery. Had a catheter removed without the little balloon being deflated first.
Broke my arm four times. Had a barium enema (doesn't sound like much but those fuckers HURT)

Those things took from days to months to repair and grow adequate scar tissue.

Broken heart? Well, I think I'm pretty much over it now... and it's only been 25 years. (Well, I'm over when she's not around anyway...)

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Jafafa Hots]

OH yeah, forgot the burst eardrum from an ear infection... um... oh yeah, the concussion and cracked ribs from another accident...

shit. I think maybe I should be more careful.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[wgoodman]

i agree. Actually, when the girl who currently hurts my brain, throws me a curve, it plays all sorts of hell with me and various systems. I end up somewhat physically ill over it all. I'd much rather put another nail trough my hand than deal with the suckage of a broken heart.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[wgoodman]

you're just trying to distract yourself from thinking about her.. i know the feeling :/

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

Dude sounds like you're better off staying in the basement

Re:isn't this obvious?

[ijakings]

No offense dude, but im pretty sure god is trying to kill you

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

Lemme guess, your name is "Lucky"

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

No I'm not.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Dan541]

Considering he once downed the entire world, I'd say he's no longer on top of his game.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[phillips321]

I tore my ear drum in a rugby accident where i got my jaw dislocated. It didn't so much hurt, it more pissed me off that the constant ringing would just not go the fuck away!!!!

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Sulphur]

Did it break your heart to quit jumping motorcycles?

--

We sold O.J. the knife.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

This study might explain why some women can treat men like toss-away toys, and not care. If they lack the emotional trauma == physical pain gene, they might not realize that they are causing actual damage, because they've never experienced it themselves. As example:

I recall a girl in college. Really cute and a very smart Bio major. Also a sorority girl so I figured I had scored on all fronts - beauty, brains, and sexy. We went out on a date and it was fantastic, with the night ending with a passionate goodnight kiss. BUT I could never get a followup. First she told me "no" because her ex-boyfriend was coming to visit the next weekend. Talk about shock, surprise, and pain. But I brushed it aside and thought, "Well he's 300 miles way - not a real threat," but she turned me down three more times over the next few months.

Eventually I said, "I just asked you out during Christmas break when we have two weeks of freedom from classes. And you said "no" you're busy. You say no every time I ask you out. If you don't want to go out, please tell me. I'll just stop....." At that point she interrupted, "But I do what to go out with you Jim!" "Really?When?" "I don't know. Maybe in February..." "That's two months from now!" "Yeah. Then what?"

Anyway she seemed to have absolutely no comprehension of the pain she was causing me (rejection). Perhaps she was one of those who does NOT have the emotional trauma == physical pain gene. I suspect there are a lot of women like that in the world, who lack basic empathy for the pain they cause to men. Long-story made short - my friends advised me to forget about her so I stopped calling.

Irony - A year later I saw her on campus and she wanted to know why I stopped calling.
She claimed I had hurt her. As if rejecting me four times didn't hurt.
(rolls eyes). A typical, socially-inept, clueless female nerd.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh please! The girl didn't want you but she didn't want to hurt your feelings. It's the opposite of what you think. Idiot. (And the fact you are an idiot is probably why she didn't want to be with you)

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Ihmhi]

Irony - A year later I saw her on campus and she wanted to know why I stopped calling. She claimed I had hurt her. As if rejecting me four times didn't hurt. (rolls eyes). A typical, socially-inept, clueless female nerd.

That's not irony, that's an attention whore. Once you stop doting on them they'll come to you and try to get your hopes back up.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Kjella]

0 AD called and want their news back... didn't you hear he got soft when he became a family man?

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

That explanation would make sense had it been the *other* sorority girl I dated a year earlier, because she loved attention, but not this girl. Over the years I've come to realize she was socially inept, since she was heavily-sheltered by her parents (they wouldn't even let her take a car to college until she was a junior). I think she truly didn't realize that rejection hurts guys. I guess that's a side effect of being a bookworm. Or not having the trauma==pain gene. (shrug)

Re:isn't this obvious?

[PopeRatzo]

Shit... I've been hit by a pickup truck, had a shattered pelvis, fractured skull...

That's nothing. I've had my eyes plucked out by rabid bats. I've all my fingers broken, heal badly, and then broken again with a nutcracker. I've had my head chopped off and sewn back on backwards, only to have it done all over again after the lawsuit. I've had the skin on my penis peeled back like a banana with lasers and BBQ tongs.

A broken heart? I don't get them, I give them.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Jurily]

This study might explain why some women can treat men like toss-away toys, and not care.

They can't treat men like that, only whiny little pussies.

If she's not attracted to you, there's nothing you can do about it. If she is, there's nothing she can do about it.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Cylix]

That's nothing...

I've had my intestines removed and used as a personal restraining device. All of my toes and fingers removed and subsequently re-attached to one hand. Said hand was than forcefully punched into my own face with some guy shouting, "Stop hitting yourself" over and over. After that was over I had my abdomen sliced open by a light saber and some Jedi Knight used my womb to shelter from the cold for hours.

A broken heart? I really do miss that Jedi

Re:isn't this obvious?

[speedtux]

A single date with no sex doesn't count as "treating men like toss-away toys, and not care". If you expect sex, love, or a relationship after one date and one kiss, there's something wrong with you, not with her. Maybe she isn't over her ex-boyfriend but would consider you once she is (in a year or two). Or maybe she is also going on dinner dates with other guys and hasn't made up her mind yet. Or maybe she likes you enough to have nice dinners with you but doesn't find you attractive enough to have sex with.

Adults often go on good dates repeatedly without ending up with sex or a relationship. Adults even engage in "dating" and sexual innuendo for fun if there is no possibility of anything happening--it's called flirting. Adults do that because it's fun and because they have enough maturity to keep their emotions in check. If you can't deal with that, it's you who's a "socially inept, clueless nerd".

And the gene they used for testing this idea generally increases pain sensitivity, not just emotional sensitivity--and most people lack it. You probably lack it too.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

>>>>>This study might explain why some women can treat men like toss-away toys, and not care.

>They can't treat men like that, only whiny little pussies.

Really? Well I know just such a woman. She married a guy, then she divorced him because she was flirting with guy #2. Then she married guy #2, but meanwhile she was flirting with guy #3, so divorced guy #2 about five years later. She married guy #3, but was flirting with guy #4, and then divorced guy #3.

Three men. NONE of them were pussies, but she still managed to hurt all three of them with her actions, because she doesn't care about other person's feelings.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[derGoldstein]

Why? Clearly he's already dead... what else could happen to him?

But I would look up where he lives and stay away from there. He might be craving brainz.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[derGoldstein]

That was 2000 years ago. He got over it. Look up WWII.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry I agree with the GP... attention whores come in all shapes and sizes socially inept or not. This one just a little smarter and manipulative, by making you feel bad for something you didn't do. Dude you were being played... get over it and move on to the next one. Remember who's in charge.... you don't have time for that BS.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[mhajicek]

I think it's more that some people simply haven't learned to empathize. Either that or they don't bother.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Mister Whirly]

Any man that chooses to be with a woman who is already either married/in a serious relationship when they start up should expect at some point it will happen again, with him getting dumped for the new flame. They may not have been "pussies" but they weren't being smart or didn't want a monogamous relationship. Cheaters aren't going to just up and change their behavior "just because it is you".

Re:isn't this obvious?

[dasunt]

In my experience, it is the first "real" broken heart that hurts the worst.

But each of the next ones gets less and less.

I'm not sure if this is due to emotional scar tissue building up, or if I don't let myself entirely commit to the idea anymore, but it gets easier with time.

But the first one... Damn, it does hurt. And it takes a long time to heal, if it ever does...

Re:isn't this obvious?

[thePowerOfGrayskull]

Indeed. There's a reason that people say such things "hurt" -- it's not metaphorical.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[PopeRatzo]

Said hand was than forcefully punched into my own face with some guy shouting, "Stop hitting yourself" over and over.

All right, all right, you win.

Although I do at the moment have one of those paper cuts that you get along the inside edge of your index finger, the kind that hurt like hell when you get hot wings sauce on them. For all I know, it might get infected and then I'll need a shot.

And let's not even get started on the emotional pain of all the Burnout Paradise races I lost at 5am this morning to sad and drunk Brits because that paper cut is on exactly the part of my finger that touches the L1 button on my PS3 controller.

Also.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[budgenator]

Obviously you've never had a vampyric, somatic narcissistic woman sink her fangs into you. Bedroom skills have nothing to do with what makes them happy. what makes them happy is taking every social, psychological and financial resource you have for themselves, they feed off your pain.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you seem to be the one with issues. You are upset because of one (1) date? As speedtux already replied, you might want to have a real relationship before posting about heart break. I bet if you asked any of the guys farsically (albeit legitimately) posting about heart break, you'd find their average relationship period of 2-3 years. I'd be guessing you've never dated anyone longer than a few months.

I'm only replying to you to state your mentality is what breeds Bad Things(TM). Most importantly, by no means should you have anywhere near the heartbreak discussed in this article based on your description.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

That's called "Get a clue."

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Hurricane78]

Hmm... wanna know what they say in the pickup community about this?

It's called "one-itis". And the only cure is FTOG (Fuck Ten Other Girls).

But those asses actually *get* to FTOG, so it works for them. ;)

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Hurricane78]

I was the stunt double for ALL episodes of Happy Tree Friends!

And I still miss Giggles.

Beat THAT!

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

You've got it wrong: it's not that they don't realize, but that they don't give a damn. They later act as if they hadn't noticed anything. This is their main strategy, second only to "I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing".

Next time this happens to you, yell out "She's a fucking tramp" ten times, and avoid drinking binges as it's a downer.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

That's nothing...

I've had my intestines removed and used as a personal restraining device. All of my toes and fingers removed and subsequently re-attached to one hand. Said hand was than forcefully punched into my own face with some guy shouting, "Stop hitting yourself" over and over. After that was over I had my abdomen sliced open by a light saber and some Jedi Knight used my womb to shelter from the cold for hours.

Luxury.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Jafafa Hots]

Yeah, the eardrum bursting wasnt the bad part, actually relieved the pressure. It was the ear infection and buildup of pressure from pus inside before it finally burst that hurt.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow, and people really wonder why so many on Slashdot are living in their parent's basement and single?
(I am married, but you could have guessed that from the previous sentence).

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

Close, but not quite.

She simply didn't have the same concept of time as you do.

What seemed like a long time to you, was nothing to her. If you'd have called her up after not talking to her at all for 3 months, it'd not have been that big of a deal to her.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[ahabswhale]

Dude, this was just her incredibly lame way of saying she wanted to be friends/acquaintances and that's it without hurting your feelings. At best she would use you as a back up if her primary choice didn't work out but probably not. Anyway, most chicks realize that if they just flat out reject you then the chance of friendship is usually out the window.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Jurily]

Obviously you've never had a vampyric, somatic narcissistic woman sink her fangs into you. Bedroom skills have nothing to do with what makes them happy. what makes them happy is taking every social, psychological and financial resource you have for themselves, they feed off your pain.

Of course I haven't. Why the fuck would I want to keep someone like that in my life?

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey, that's nothing....

I had to wear a crown of thorns, be flogged by fucking Roman soldiers while hauling a heavy-ass hunk of lumber around, have my hands and feet attached to that lumber with goddamn (sorry, Dad) nails. Then, to add insult to injury, some Centurion decides to use me as a pin cushion and, finally, I'm buried alive. Sheesh. Talk about a tough three days...

Re:isn't this obvious?

[sonicmerlin]

You're incredibly deluded if you think that. Why is it that in white families there is a 10% non-paternal rate (percentage of children in families born to men other than the husband... unbeknownst to the husband) Why is it that in Asian countries that are infinitely more male-oriented women are infinitely more faithful? Indians for example have the least number of sexual partners over the course of their lives, while Britain is the most promiscuous developed country in the world. It also has significantly higher divorce rates. Also black people... ugh I'm not even gonna talk about them. Their social patterns are just whack.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[BorgCopyeditor]

You should listen to what people here are telling you about your misinterpretation of the situation (even the ones who seem to you to be being jerks about it). You might learn something.

Here's a similar mind-bender: someone can like you and want to try moving ahead into some intimate contact, and your reaction to that can turn them right off. Being really uptight about the thing, showing that you're ready to be "hurt" if things don't go as you want, demanding explanations--all these sorts of actions on your part can change someone's mind about you. If you're not aware of how those actions can do that, it can seem to you that you've been led down the garden path and then rejected "inconsistently" or "cruelly."

I don't presume that the woman you mention was not stringing you along, but even if she was, you are responsible for letting yourself be "hurt" by her. It's funny how little in human interactions can properly described as one person doing something to another; it takes two to do the dysfunctional tango.

I wish you better luck next time you like someone. Better than luck, though, is knowledge and honesty with oneself. Hard stuff, but it makes life better all around.

(P.S. Looking for explanations for your situation in speculation about genetic dispositions toward cruelty is not a step in the right direction.)

Re:isn't this obvious?

[BorgCopyeditor]

Oh, in my day we used to dream of having our eyes plucked out by rabid bats!

Re:isn't this obvious?

[owlman17]

Thanks man. Once went through a somewhat similar situation to the poster you replied to. Read all the other replies. Yes even those who were being jerks about it. It all makes sense now. Didn't actually think I'd find great advice on stuff like this on /.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[ozbird]

Obviously you've never had a vampyric, somatic narcissistic woman sink her fangs into you.

Garlic, dude - and lots of it.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[shiftless]

When you start with the wrong premises, you draw the wrong conclusions. Your story is a classic example of a girl who does not understand women and thus draws the wrong conclusions. Let's take it from the top, shall we?

I recall a girl in college. Really cute and a very smart Bio major. Also a sorority girl so I figured I had scored on all fronts - beauty, brains, and sexy.

This is your first fuck up. You haven't scored until you've scored. What really happened: You got too enthusiastic and fixated on this one girl and you blew it.

We went out on a date and it was fantastic, with the night ending with a passionate goodnight kiss.

What really happened: you seemed cool at first so she agreed to go out on a date, but that's when things went wrong. She quickly figured out that you are insecure, clingy, boring, have bad breath, have no sense of fashion, or possess other negative qualities, and that ended her attraction for you. Passionate or not, the goodnight kiss was only out of politeness/lack of assertiveness, or because she felt pressured into it.

BUT I could never get a followup. First she told me "no" because her ex-boyfriend was coming to visit the next weekend.

When she has a boyfriend but doesn't mention him, that's a good sign. When she didn't mention the boyfriend to begin with and then brings him up after your first date as an excuse to not date you, that's when you know you fucked up. And once you've screwed yourself and put yourself into the friend zone, it's over. You're done.

Talk about shock, surprise, and pain.

Why would you feel shock, surprise, or pain to find out some random chick that you thought was interesting and barely know has a boyfriend? To me--and to her--and to anyone else who has a clue (i.e. most women)--that signals insecurity and clinginess. A secure male would not give a shit that she has a boyfriend since he knows he can give her what the boyfriend can't. Either that, or he would just find some other girl to date. Either way, at no point would shock, surprise, or pain enter into the equation.

But I brushed it aside and thought, "Well he's 300 miles way - not a real threat," but she turned me down three more times over the next few months.

What really happened here: You already totally fucked up your chances, but you kept trying and trying anyway, futher proving to this chick that you are clueless, desperate, and not boyfriend material.

Eventually I said, "I just asked you out during Christmas break when we have two weeks of freedom from classes. And you said "no" you're busy. You say no every time I ask you out.

Even though you had totally fucked up your chances long ago, you started off good here. You put her on the spot and made her account for her bullshit. Good move.

If you don't want to go out, please tell me. I'll just stop....."

But then you totally, royally fucked it up again.

At that point she interrupted, "But I do what to go out with you Jim!" "Really?When?" ...and again....

"I don't know. Maybe in February..." "That's two months from now!" ...and again.

Normally you should have never even gotten to this low, desperate point. But for the sake of argument let's assume you did, and then suddenly had a flash of intuition as to how you should start handling things in order to get her interested in you again. The conversation would go like this:

You: "Let's go out Saturday. I'll pick you up at 7."

Her: "No I can't, [I gotta do my nails/iron my clothes/etc]."

You: "You can put that off to some other day, can't you? I've asked you out several times over the past few months and you keep giving me excuses. I could go hang out with some other girl but I'd rather spend time with you. I'll be there at 7. See you then." *walks away*

^^^ You see what happened there? You were assertive. You didn't accept her bullshit and you didn't take no for answer.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Anonymous Coward]

I know some haven't learned to emapthize. I was helping one friend of mine deal with the world, and told him to "Try thinking about how it would feel if you put yourself in the position of the other person." and told me he'd never thought about doing that. It was obvious that he was genuinely intrigued by the thought and the effects on understanding people.

I have no idea how common it is - this guy has grown up with abusive parents and have some learning problems that might also influence.

Posting anonymously for obvious reasons.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Eivind Eklund]

Slashdot contains a lot of geeks; some of us are seduction geeks. Fast Seduction used to be a good place to start, if too much focused on the technical aspects just leading to getting a girl to bed; I don't know if it still is, I've restricted myself to private sites for a few years (and lately not even that).

This has all worked well for me - I'm getting married in a month :) (And yes, she does know about my studies.)

Eivind.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[gr8dude]

Got a friend with a similar situation. The problem is that your expectations were too high, while her expectations were much lower than yours.

It is like hugging everyone when you meet them - this decreases a "value" of a hug. To a non-hugger (i.e. someone who only hugs special people) being hugged by a hyper-hugger the situation is interpreted as "wow! I am hugged by this person, it means that something is going on". Of course, you get to see the big picture when you realize they hug everyone they see.

For some people kisses are like that too.

For some people, having sex is also a "common thing" which does not necessarily involve feelings, serious intentions and plans for the future.

Therefore the only thing I can tell you is to learn not to rush things. Take your time and get to know the person. Yes, there are indeed "a lot of women like that in the world, who lack basic empathy for the pain they cause to men", but it doesn't mean that you don't have the power not to let them hurt you.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

This is where the word "vamp" comes from. It was invented in the 1920s and comes from the word "vampire" meaning a woman who sucks the life out of men. So next time you hear Entertainment Today or some other fashion show comment that an actress is "vamping it up" realizing they just insulted that actress. They probably don't mean to do it, but they just called her a vampire - a parasite off men.

And no I doubt in my example all *3* men sucked in bed. Blame the gander not the goose.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

Yep.

Look for the single women, not the divorced or married ones.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

>>>Maybe she isn't over her ex-boyfriend but would consider you once she is (in a year or two).

Perhaps. You forgot the point where she demanded to know why I stopped calling, and said that had hurt her emotionally,

>>>Adults often go on good dates repeatedly without ending up with sex or a relationship.

College kids not adults.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

>>>most chicks realize that if they just flat out reject you then the chance of friendship is usually out the window.

That's not the case with me. I'd rather hear the words, "Let's just be friends," so I know exactly where I stand. That's why I asked this girl to be honest and tell me if she doesn't want to date. Another girl I once knew did that, defined the boundaries, and we became good friends. That worked for me because I appreciate honesty over being played.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

>>>>>We went out on a date and it was fantastic, with the night ending with a passionate goodnight kiss.

>>What really happened: you seemed cool at first so she agreed to go out on a date, but that's when things went wrong.

Wow talk about missing the mark. I leaned over to give her a polite peck on the lips, and SHE'S the one who turned it into a tongue-wrestling session followed by "Call me". I'd say she was pleased with me, else she'd not have reacted like that. The only real mystery is why there was no followup, although I suspect her ex-boyfriend was a factor.

Anyway I'm glad you were marked troll.
Such rudeness on your part.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[ahabswhale]

It may not be the case with you but it doesn't mean it hasn't happened to her before. In fact, some guy may have said the same thing to her that you did and it turned out he wouldn't have anything to do her. Just saying there are other factors at play that you are undoubtedly unaware of.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

You: "You can put that off to some other day, can't you? I've asked you out several times over the past few months and you keep giving me excuses. I could go hang out with some other girl but I'd rather spend time with you. I'll be there at 7. See you then." *walks away*

^^^ You see what happened there? You were assertive. You didn't accept her bullshit and you didn't take no for answer.

Yeah you're on a one-way destination to eventual divorce. No woman (or man) wants to be married to a jerk that bosses her around like that. Yes I'm sure that approach succeeds in getting some wet-behind-the-knees girl into your bed, maybe even engaged for marriage, but you can't build a lifetime relationship on that method. You only setup longterm failure.

That doesn't mean your advice is total trash. At one point I did mention another date I had with one of her sorority sisters, but I wasn't a jerk about it. I just said, "Sarah and I went out for dinner last week. She seems nice. So what's new with you?" It has the same effect as what you advise, making her realize she's not the only woman in my life, but without being a dick.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[commodore64_love]

[editing fixed]

YOU: "You can put that off to some other day, can't you? I've asked you out several times over the past few months and you keep giving me excuses. I could go hang out with some other girl but I'd rather spend time with you. I'll be there at 7. See you then." *walks away*

^^^ You see what happened there? You were assertive. You didn't accept her bullshit and you didn't take no for answer.

Yeah but that approach is a one-way destination to eventual divorce. No woman (or man) wants to be married to a jerk that bosses her around like that. Yes I'm sure that approach succeeds in getting some wet-behind-the-knees girl into your bed, maybe even engaged for marriage, but you can't build a lifetime relationship on that "Me Man; Me tell you want to do" method. You only setup longterm failure.

That doesn't mean your advice is total trash. At one point I did mention another date I had with one of her sorority sisters, but I wasn't a jerk about it. I just said, "Sarah and I went out for dinner last week. She seems nice. So what's new with you?" It has the same effect as what you advise, making her realize she's not the only woman in my life, but without being a dick.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Dog-Cow]

College kids are adults. It's modern society that forces them to be children. One or two hundred years ago they'd be raising a family (and not just sleeping around).

Re:isn't this obvious?

[shiftless]

Yeah but that approach is a one-way destination to eventual divorce. No woman (or man) wants to be married to a jerk that bosses her around like that. Yes I'm sure that approach succeeds in getting some wet-behind-the-knees girl into your bed, maybe even engaged for marriage, but you can't build a lifetime relationship on that "Me Man; Me tell you want to do" method. You only setup longterm failure.

What the fuck do you know about women? Not a god damn thing, apparently.

This is exactly what I've been talking about. You try to help somebody and they just throw it back in your face. You know what? Fuck you. Go out and learn the hard way.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[lavalyn]

I'm reminded of a Miss Manners quote.

"If you're willing to marry a man that will cheat on his wife, you are marrying a man that will cheat on his wife."

Re:isn't this obvious?

[hrimhari]

I'm sorry about your bad experience. I've known someone like that.

But I disagree that it relates to the main subject. It's not that the girl/woman doesn't feel the pain. Most likely, it's just that she doesn't care when it isn't *her* pain. Her asking you why you stopped calling claiming that it hurt is an indication of that. Maybe the subject lacks the ability to abstract that would allow her to think something like:

"I didn't like when it happened to me, so I won't do it to people".

Or she just partakes on the kind of people that think:

"I didn't like when it happened to me, so I'll do it first".

Or even more likely, she considers having a nice guy, say like you, on her phonebook as more important than telling that guy that she got someone more interesting at the moment and lose him as a potential pair for the future.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Macgrrl]

Any man that chooses to be with a woman who is already either married/in a serious relationship when they start up should expect at some point it will happen again, with him getting dumped for the new flame. They may not have been "pussies" but they weren't being smart or didn't want a monogamous relationship. Cheaters aren't going to just up and change their behavior "just because it is you".

This statement is equally true if you switch the roles of the men and women in the statement.

Re:isn't this obvious?

[Mister Whirly]

Yes, it is. Wasn't trying to be sexist, but rather replying to the specific situation mentioned.

Not funny

[Anonymous Coward]

I've lost several close family members in the past year. I used to be part of a big happy close family and now I find myself alone. The pain and suffering I have endured are real. I would not wish this misfortune upon anyone.

The âz of my angst / the 0 of your compassion

[RSKennan]

The meanness in this thread hurts my feelings. I think that it hurts a lot of other Slashdotter's feelings too, which is why they aren't posting. And that makes me sad. OH LOARDY WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD????

Does this mean

[Anonymous Coward]

Does this mean I can sue when I get dumped?

Re:Does this mean

[SlashWombat]

As a /.er, you have to get a girlfriend before you can move to the "dump" phase.

Re:Does this mean

[cprocjr]

You can sue for anything, it doesn't mean that you will win.

Re:Does this mean

[youn]

You'll have to have the gene and sue in texas where they apparently seem to accept any type of lawsuit.

Re:Does this mean

[commodore64_love]

You don't need to win. You just have to scare your victim (ex-girl) and harass them into wasting their time, money, and effort fighting the case. Ask RIAA. They've perfected this tactic.

Re:Does this mean

[derGoldstein]

RTFA. They refer to "socially painful" -- you don't need a girlfriend, you just have to be rejected by someone. Being a /.er, it's likely most of us...*cough*...YOU are sitting on a goldmine.

WOW Players

[LordAndrewSama]

This is why it hurts when your character dies...

Well now the war mongers know what to do.....

[3seas]

... to increase their profits.

Invest in gene detection of that specific gene and use the knowledge...to instigate profit generation.

1) exclude
2) cause hurt
3) profit

Re:Well now the war mongers know what to do.....

[bensafrickingenius]

I AM a war monger, you insensitive clod! (first /. post from my kindle!)

Re:Well now the war mongers know what to do.....

[derGoldstein]

(first /. post from my kindle!)

Honest question: huh?
I've actually never seen a kindle, but did I miss something on the spec list? You can browse from it? Did you hack it?

Re:Well now the war mongers know what to do.....

[bensafrickingenius]

"basic web browsing" is technically an unsupported feature, but it's been present for a long time now. free as in beer, to boot!

Timmy !!

[Anonymous Coward]

Timmy !! Timmy !! Timmy !!

Tiiimmmmeeeeeh !!

A General Theory Of Love

[tunapez]

Great book on this very subject, very insightful. Don't let the title dissuade you, it is actually chock full of empirical data and good lessons in anatomy and the psyche.
A General Theory Of Love

Re:A General Theory Of Love

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm not sure, if I want to understand love. I'm afraid it takes away the magic.
Yes, I'm in love and a few weeks ago I felt pain and narrowness in my chest due to it and it felt hard to breathe at times, so I'm maybe one of these gene emo's, but like I said, i rather not think about it and stick with magic. lol.

Oblig. Simpsons quote:

[benwiggy]

"You may say she died of a ruptured ventricle; but I know she died of a broken heart."

I could've saved them some money

[93 Escort Wagon]

Apparently these folks are so busy doing research they've never taken the time to get into a relationship, let alone get their heart broken. If they had, they'd know it hurts without requiring research funding to "prove" it.

Heck, I've been married over two decades, happily for the most part - but I still remember how much heartbreak hurts even after all that time...

Re:I could've saved them some money

[elbobo]

That's not the point. There's plenty of things we can observe as apparent fact. The research is to work out the how and why.

Sometimes that research confirms what we hold to be self evident truths while providing an empirical description of the functioning of the phenomenon, and sometimes it shows the truth to be false, based on misconception or otherwise.

The research is important; knowledge and understanding is important.

Re:I could've saved them some money

[speedtux]

The question is whether that "pain" is a psychological association or a physical effect. This research shows that you don't just perceive it as pain, but that it is actually mediated via pain receptors.

That has medical implications. For example, if it's mediated via pain receptors, pain killers may actually help, and people may become addicted to pain killers because of the physical consequences of social rejection.

Makes Sense...

[BJ_Covert_Action]

Not to undermine the work of the researchers but this makes sense from a theoretical standpoint in terms of evolution. Humans as social creatures that reproduce sexually. It makes sense that, over the years, those individual genes that allowed humans to learn to flinch away from social stigmatization and learn from sexual/romantic rejection would survive more generations than those that didn't as, such genes would produce more socially acceptable creatures. For the human species, being socially acceptable is an instinctual desire as we tend towards the safety in numbers lifestyle. Loners, stragglers, and folks that never learned that rejection is a *bad* thing would/could have been picked off by predators easier and such. Hopefully, of course, that doesn't mean that slashdotters will start dying off anytime soon.

All jokes aside, though, I think I would have been more surprised to have learned that heartbreak and social rejection does not cause some kind of negative reinforcement within the human psyche. It is, of course, still interesting research.

Re:Makes Sense...

[jameskojiro]

NO NO NO, God designed us 6,000 years ago to feel real pain on rejection from other humans because he is a sadistic control freak.

You people who reject the Bible's completely 100% accuracy really sicken me, how dare you attempt to think logically and critically!!!!

Re:Makes Sense...

[Anonymous Coward]

I would posit that for the people with the stronger version of this gene, it does cause negative reinforcement. Certainly I've learned to avoid heartbreak because it hurts enough to be distracting to me. Never broken a bone, but I've injured myself plenty, and nothing can compare.

Re:Makes Sense...

[wisty]

It's not just about being picked off by predators. The real advantage of humans is that we are *smart*, and can communicate better than the other smart chimps. It's not much good having decent vocal chords if you're just going to ignore your fellow man.

Re:Makes Sense...

[sumdumass]

Isn't it logical to think that society as we know it is shaped because of feelings and pain we as a species experience? Your reality would be entirely different if that wasn't true. It is an intended outcome.

Re:Makes Sense...

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes yes If only god existed and was benevolent we would live in a world as perfect and as pleasant as the one described in "brave new world".

Re:Makes Sense...

[Biogenesis]

This finding also supports earlier research which showed the area of the brain associated with pain lighting up due to social rejection. There's a PDF from 2007 which describes the earlier research. It was also reported on the Australian Science show Catalyst.

Re:Makes Sense...

[amayain]

It's called sociometer theory- developed by Mark Leary. Basic theory is that self-esteem functions to monitor the social world and detect signs of rejection. If we percieve rejection, we take a blow to our self-esteem and conseuqnetly feel bad. Ideally, that bad feeling should motivate us to fix whatever problem is causing that rejection. http://www.psychwiki.com/wiki/Sociometer_Theory

Re:Makes Sense...

[Kjella]

Loners, stragglers, and folks that never learned that rejection is a *bad* thing would/could have been picked off by predators easier and such. Hopefully, of course, that doesn't mean that slashdotters will start dying off anytime soon.

I don't think so because evolution isn't a 100% direct decendant game. If you help your family, you help your genes. These days I feel absolutely no genetic relation to the people that live around me apart from being homo sapiens since I live in downtown of a large city with lots of immigrants, But for no more than 200 years ago, chances were very high that most everyone you knew came from the local village and their ascendants too. In some branches of our family we have records dating back to the 16th century and there's a lot of "married with [name] from [farm] nearby". What does that mean for evolution? Well I think it means it has been useful to produce outliers - people that contribute indirectly. Do you have a good village "wise woman" who knows plenty herbs and cures so that more children grow up? Evolutionary plus. How about the guy who built better traps so there'd be more food for the tribe in the winter? Evolutionary plus. These days it's not the same because it's likely to spread worldwide, but it shoujd be in our genes. Our society today is probably wildly imbalanced compared to our genetics - what reproduces the most today are people that want to have ten children because now they can, while before it just wasn't possible with so many mouths to feed.

Re:Makes Sense...

[Anonymous Coward]

What the fuck are you talking about. When I sense rejection, I take steps to make the world adapt to me.

Re:Makes Sense...

[radtea]

All jokes aside, though, I think I would have been more surprised to have learned that heartbreak and social rejection does not cause some kind of negative reinforcement within the human psyche. It is, of course, still interesting research.

I think the interesting thing here is that the mechanism for reinforcement of physical avoidance and social avoidance appear to be using some of the same gene networks.

This is also not surprising: evolution is an opportunistic, elaborative process, so it tends to result in adaptations that reuse existing mechanisms in novel ways. It is possible that we had evolved an entirely new mechanism for providing negative feedback from failed social interactions, but it was always far more likely that selection occurred that resulted in novel, newly-evolved stimuli (social rejection) would result in biochemical responses that activated parts of the existing negative-feedback behavioural system.

As others here have pointed out, people who fail to learn from a broken heart are less likely to reproduce, even today, suggesting this evolution is still ongoing, which would also be unsurprising as the whole life-long repeated social mating ritual that humans go through is a relatively recent behaviour, probably not more than a few hundred thousand years old, and maybe a good deal less.

There are people who believe for some reason that evolution doesn't act on humans anymore, but of course this is nonsense: subtle selective effects like this are always going on, and can't be stopped, ever.

Re:Makes Sense...

[Chuffpole]

no, it's because we're all sinners and it's our own fault for being born :)

Painkillers?

[dunkelfalke]

Does it mean that painkillers like Ibuprofen would help to lessen the pain of being dumped? That is a kind of an acute issue for me right now.

Re:Painkillers?

[BiggerIsBetter]

Pain killers like the kind your brain gives you when you get laid would work better. Seriously, go have some meaningless sex - it WILL help.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

Does it mean that painkillers like Ibuprofen would help to lessen the pain of being dumped?

"Alcohol -- still your best drug value."

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

Alcohol, the cause of, and soluton to all of life's problems!

Re:Painkillers?

[wgoodman]

Some of us actually don't really go for the meaningless sex all that much.. i've given it a go, but i'd much rather actually feel something for the person i'm giving it to..

Re:Painkillers?

[Aliotroph]

Hehe, I was going to say that, but it took me too long to remember what my password was. Yeah, I agree. Tasty beer is a good painkiller.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

benadryl is far cheaper good sir :)

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

There's a simple solution: love everyone in the world. And no, you don't need to be a dirty hippie to do so. And yes, it will also help with a lot of other things.

Re:Painkillers?

[value_added]

Pain killers like the kind your brain gives you when you get laid would work better. Seriously, go have some meaningless sex - it WILL help.

Mod parent up. I've had my heart broken a few times, but there's usually one relationship that kills you the most, and it's that one that lingers throughout your life.

At the time, I tried working longer hours, regularly drinking heavily, lots of drugs, socialising with friends, going for long solitary walks ... you name it. Distractions like working longer hours do help (provided you're past the "I'm out of my mind with grief and want to kill myself and take everyone with me" stage, but anonymous sex beats the other methods by a mile.

You'll earn bonus points if your anonymous sex partner is especially pretty; you tend to experience everything with heightened awareness in the first few weeks or months, so chances are high you'll remember your partner's face and body (and possibly her name). Being able to move very far away earns you the Daily Double, just so long as you don't risk losing everything by travelling back in the first few years to wallow in the nostalgia.

When all is done and you've moved on with your life, be sure to watch or listen to some Sam Kinison videos from time to time to keep things in "perspective".

Re:Painkillers?

[thetoadwarrior]

That's gay.

It's not like he said find the dirtiest skankiest piece of pussy in the area and fuck it and meaningless sex is a lot healthier than curing your problems with pills. Pill poppers don't get more respect than people that have one night stands so you have it a bit backwards.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

Does it mean that painkillers like Ibuprofen would help to lessen the pain of being dumped? That is a kind of an acute issue for me right now.

Sure you are /.'er? Being dumped means you've actually had a girlfriend :) Still, the worst pain ever... Hear you bro...

Re:Painkillers?

[commodore64_love]

Then goto domai.com, click on the "newletter" link, and enjoy the photos. Self-pleasuring releases the same painkilling endorphins as actual sex.

Re:Painkillers?

[elbobo]

That's probably because you suck at sex ;)

I'm only half kidding. For sex without love to be worth it it really helps to get it right. Crap sex with love is still worth having; crap sex without love is often just crap.

Re:Painkillers?

[elbobo]

Those are the two things I applied a year ago (and am still applying) to get over a broken heart. I left my country, started travelling and kept travelling, and have shagged lots of different lovely girls along the way. It really works. And I've met some great people.

Re:Painkillers?

[CharlyFoxtrot]

Does it mean that painkillers like Ibuprofen would help to lessen the pain of being dumped? That is a kind of an acute issue for me right now.

Yes, a whole bottle of painkillers at once and you'll never feel pain again. That'll show them all !

Re:Painkillers?

[CharlyFoxtrot]

"Alcohol -- still your best drug value."

Yeah that's what you need when you're in emotional turmoil: lots and lots of a depressant. What may help is the social aspect of drinking since it's usually done with friends and the fact that it relaxes you enough to let the emotion out, not the alcohol itself. It's called "crying in your beer" for a reason.

Re:Painkillers?

[WillDraven]

Ergh. Maybe in small doses to help you sleep. In larger doses diphenhydramine causes auditory hallucinations. Not a good idea for somebody already emotionally unstable.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

I wouldn't take a drug to alleviate pain that is caused by a psychological problem. It will just reinforce your brain to use drugs as a coping mechanism whenever things get difficult.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey, he's not one of us any more! Get him!

Re:Painkillers?

[commodore64_love]

>>>crap sex without love is often just crap.

Which is why I just watch playboy.com instead. "Nobody knows you like yourself."

Re:Painkillers?

[evanbd]

The analgesics like ibuprofen and aspirin are operating on a different set of receptors. My limited understanding of neurochemistry is that pain caused by a lack of opioids is a different part of the same mechanism -- basically the threshold on the relevant nerves is lower, so they fire when they shouldn't. Your body is no longer producing as many opiates, which makes you hurt everywhere; you're going through withdrawl in a very literal sense.

Basically, there's no cure for opiate withdrawl, whether endogenous opiates or drugs, except to either tough it out or get more opiates. Note that getting more opiates doesn't have to mean cooking up heroin; your body can be induced to produce more through other mechanisms. The usual trite advice about going out finding something to take your mind off it works. Best is to choose something like exercise, that naturally causes the release of such chemicals.

In short: analgesics won't do much. Going out and exercising might. (I've been there, and I won't pretend it will solve your problems; it won't. It will mitigate some aspects of them somewhat, though. Also, no need for it to be specifically "exercise"; anything that gets your heart rate up counts.) Finding some other activity to spend time on may help, but more by distracting you and helping you get over it than by direct neurochemistry. Going and acquiring an addiction to pharmaceutical or illicit opiates would probably help, but it certainly wouldn't fix it completely; it just isn't worth it, though.

Re:Painkillers?

[girlintraining]

Those are the two things I applied a year ago (and am still applying) to get over a broken heart. I left my country, started travelling and kept travelling, and have shagged lots of different lovely girls along the way. It really works. And I've met some great people.

Oh isn't this typical! Someone says they're hurting because they've lost the one they love and the answer is "Yeah, I'd miss the sex too." A broken heart doesn't come from a lack of nookie you insensitive bastard. It comes from the gut-wrenching experience of having invested months or years into a relationship that suddenly ends. And usually because of that kind of investment, the other relationships in that person's life have suffered neglect to maintain the romantic one. So it's a double-whammy -- not only are they suddenly alone, but everyone they used to know is either gone or distant to boot. It's not just the rejection of a former lover that hurts, its waking up from that and discovering you don't have any friends around you either -- possibly because your ex has them all now!

Sex is not going to fill that hole if you have any kind of heart, okay? Every man seems to think it will and they go on a massive f*ck-fest. It doesn't work. After their 15 seconds of fame is over, they're still lonely. And it's not just men either -- women with low self-esteem do the same thing. That hurt you feel late at night that makes you want to clutch a pillow and imagine someone holding you does not come from a lack of sex. It comes from a lack of love. And for that, there's only one thing to do; Start meeting new people. Not just people you're sexually attracted to (chances are you're too depressed anyway to be objective about this) -- I mean anyone that seems even remotely interesting. Reconnect with the human race. Don't take pills, don't buy a big sack of condoms, and don't hit the frozen dairy aisle -- get up, go outside, and don't come back until you've learned at least one new thing about someone you didn't know before. And find friends that don't say things like this idiot did -- sex is not everything. Any real friend will tell you this.

Re:Painkillers?

[elbobo]

A broken heart doesn't come from a lack of nookie you insensitive bastard.

I never said any such thing. You've completely misunderstood. What's missing is the reciprocated love, but casual sex takes that pain away. It's a medicine, not a replacement.

Sex is not going to fill that hole if you have any kind of heart, okay? Every man seems to think it will and they go on a massive f*ck-fest. It doesn't work.

Actually, yes, it does. It's nothing like being in a loving relationship, but it fills the hole and takes the suffering away. It's the medicine that heals.

And please, don't condescend to me. You're way out of your depth here. You clearly do not understand how men work. We're built fundamentally differently from girls when it comes to emotions. What the emotional world looks like to you has no relation to how it is for guys.

I'm an old man who's lived a full life. There's really no point in schooling me on relationships, because I've lived through a whole lot more of them than you. Don't teach your grandmother how to suck eggs, as the saying goes.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

flip her around, you are doing it on the wrong side if you are geting crap!

Re:Painkillers?

[wrook]

The last one got me pretty bad. The absolutely best thing I've found is running. The endorphins really help a lot. You may have to work up to it, though. If you're not already a runner then running for about 10 minutes a day and increasing slowly up to 30 minutes over a 2 month schedule is probably OK. Check out some beginning running web sites. Running in the morning is good because you'll feel better at the start of the day.

Also, give yourself time to recover. Getting dumped is just like any other injury; it takes time to heal. I gave myself 3 months, after which I said "Fuck it" and moved on. I also casually dated a lot over that time, but go at your own speed. Whatever works best for you.

Re:Painkillers?

[radtea]

Does it mean that painkillers like Ibuprofen would help to lessen the pain of being dumped?

Try it and see, then report back. But I doubt it.

Just because some of the same gene networks are involved does not mean that the specific biochemical pathway blocked by a given painkiller will work.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

I dealt with it two years ago by sticking to a strict diet: dont eat anything that's not offered with the pints.
Great results, lost 24 pounds and kinda forgot I was in pain.
Of course, your blood pressure will skyrocket and there's a good chance you might experience trouble at work if you start medication first thing in the morning, but hey, in your case, you shouldnt really care.
I know I didnt :-)

Re:Painkillers?

[Hurricane78]

No, those work at the wrong place. The ones you'd need are the substances is the most hard drugs (which are also in most hard pain killers, with just one molecule changed a tiny bit).

Unfortunately they are both addictive as hell, and will make your life even worse. ;)

I wonder though, why nobody invented the inverse drug. Something that makes you feel like crap, but if you stop taking it, you will feel really really good, and with some time, you will have "irreparable damage" with being unable to feel very bad anymore.

Now that would be a twist, wouldn't it? ^^

Re:Painkillers?

[girlintraining]

What's missing is the reciprocated love, but casual sex takes that pain away. It's a medicine, not a replacement.

It's still like eating three snickers bars in a row. It doesn't take away the pain, it just covers it up for a few minutes until you realize you're still hungry for something and go for the next bad coping mechanism on the list.

...but it fills the hole and takes the suffering away. It's the medicine that heals.

Having meaningless sex doesn't heal, it just obscures the real problem -- meaningless sex isn't real different from masturbation.

And please, don't condescend to me. You're way out of your depth here. You clearly do not understand how men work. We're built fundamentally differently from girls when it comes to emotions. What the emotional world looks like to you has no relation to how it is for guys.

I should apologize for advising people to build mutually empowering and beneficial long-term relationships instead of one night stands? I do have a good grasp on what the "emotional world" of the average guy looks like -- it's mostly a desolate wasteland of drinking buddies, hobbies that long ago lost their luster, and filled with cliched advice from so-called friends and coworkers. They're lucky if they've got that one guy-friend who they can be vulnerable to and trust not to rake their masculinity over the coals for doing so. The end result? When a man's heart breaks, it's not the quiet little death that us girls experience -- it's a suicidal plunge into darkness that takes years, sometimes decades, to repair. I've seen too many nice guys fall apart in the worst ways possible from a broken heart and never fully heal from it... and it's because of crap like what you're saying -- they try for years and years to fill that hole with sex, but it doesn't work and they feel miserable and long for a girl that'll respect and cherish them... But by the time they realize that, every woman in his life has run away for fear of being turned into a sex object. It's a stupid cycle of self-harm.

Re:Painkillers?

[ahabswhale]

I actually don't disagree with you, however, you should know that all women are sex objects. That's just how our brains our programmed to help propagate the species. People have this bizarre notion that we're not animals. We are -- and we actually behave a lot more like other animals when it comes to mating. Did you know that a woman's voice goes up slightly when she's ovulating? Or that she emits a hormone that attracts men during this period? Or that her skin glows every so slightly? All studied and all true.

So the real question isn't whether she's a sex object, it's whether she can become more than that. Oh and please don't resent the sex object thing...it may sound crude but none of us would be here without it.

Re:Painkillers?

[girlintraining]

I actually don't disagree with you, however, you should know that all women are sex objects. That's just how our brains our programmed to help propagate the species. People have this bizarre notion that we're not animals. We are -- and we actually behave a lot more like other animals when it comes to mating. Did you know that a woman's voice goes up slightly when she's ovulating? Or that she emits a hormone that attracts men during this period? Or that her skin glows every so slightly? All studied and all true.

You know, when I look in the mirror I don't see a sex object -- I see a person. That crap about men being wired for sex is just an excuse to continue perpetuating male privilege at the expense of a woman's self-esteem. We're not animals, we're human beings. Wrapping old prejudices around new science doesn't make it any less offensive.

Re:Painkillers?

[ahabswhale]

lol...you obviously know nothing about about me. I'm not working through some "guy code" to preserve some kind of institution where we just go around fucking any and all women that turn our eye. I don't give a shit about any of that nor do I participate in or condone such behavior. Being human gives us the ability to override such desires but it doesn't change the fact that if I see a hot woman that I'm still going to be turned on by her. I don't choose attraction. It chooses me, but I choose how I want to react to it. At the end of the day, I may not try to fuck her but she's still a sex object as far as my brain is concerned and no amount of feminism will ever change that. Oh, and I have no desire whatsoever to oppress women, treat them like shit, or any other misogynistic notions you can come up with.

Finally, I think you need to take some biology classes so you can learn how this whole reproduction thing works. Both men and women are wired and specifically designed for sex. I'm sorry if that crude reality offends your sensitive intellect but it's best you learn this now rather than when you're 40.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

The meaningless sex prepares men for the serious relationship believe it or not. It keeps you social... it keeps you charming... for when the real one comes around you're ready. This is a man's life. Most everything you've learned about being happy after a relationship for a woman does not apply. For a woman being a slut does not help. It makes her a mess because men will take advantage of her... never mind socially like it or not there is a stigma attached to it. Men need to get laid until they find the one.

I agree with everything you say about pills.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

You know, you can just get a dog. They don't stop loving you.

Re:Painkillers?

[dunkelfalke]

That crap about men being wired for sex is just an excuse to continue perpetuating male privilege at the expense of a woman's self-esteem.

That is not entirely correct. There is a huge gradient of people (both men and women) of how much do they "listen" to their instincts. For those who behave more instinctively GP is absolutely right. There are (and especially in modern times) more and more men who listen to their sense more than to their instincts. They suffer much more after a break-up and the advice of fucking around to stop hurting won't work for them.

Re:Painkillers?

[gnuotaku]

Alcohol is a depressant because it slows down central nervous system activity (it depresses the central nervous system). In the case of drugs, depressants are so-called because of their action on the central nervous system, and the use of the word "depressant" tends to cause confusion since it is then associated with the emotional state of depression even though that's not why it's used. In the context of drugs, both (CNS) depressants and (CNS) stimulants can cause euphoria and otherwise promote feelings of emotional well being. The classification is representative of the activity on the central nervous system, not of the emotional effects. It has nothing to do with the emotional state of being depressed (or even with sadness). Moderate doses of alcohol cause the release of endogenous opiates (part of what causes the buzzed feeling) which more than likely induces a mild to moderate euphoria or feeling of warmth and well-being. But it also acts on the benzodiazapine-like receptors, which causes the drop in inhibitions that leads to the expression of those pre-drinking negative emotions through crying.

Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

How is meaningless sex any different from painkillers or some other risky distraction? This idea that people need to get laid is as stupid as the idea that someone needs a stiff drink. You don't need it and it won't help everyone, anyway. You could try meditation. It's hard, but it works. And it's about confronting your problems, not running away from them with distractions.

Re:Painkillers?

[elbobo]

Look, there's really no point in me continuing this discussion with you. You're not listening, and you're already convinced you know much more about love and relationships than you actually do.

When you've grown up a bit more, lived a bit more, and learnt more about how guys work (if you ever do), come back to me and have this conversation if you like. But right now, there's no point. I'm not your emotional coach. You've got a whole lot more naivity and ignorance to live through, a whole lot more experience to gather (again, if you ever do).

Re:Painkillers?

[shiftless]

I should apologize for advising people to build mutually empowering and beneficial long-term relationships instead of one night stands? I do have a good grasp on what the "emotional world" of the average guy looks like -- it's mostly a desolate wasteland of drinking buddies, hobbies that long ago lost their luster, and filled with cliched advice from so-called friends and coworkers. They're lucky if they've got that one guy-friend who they can be vulnerable to and trust not to rake their masculinity over the coals for doing so. The end result? When a man's heart breaks, it's not the quiet little death that us girls experience -- it's a suicidal plunge into darkness that takes years, sometimes decades, to repair. I've seen too many nice guys fall apart in the worst ways possible from a broken heart and never fully heal from it... and it's because of crap like what you're saying -- they try for years and years to fill that hole with sex, but it doesn't work and they feel miserable and long for a girl that'll respect and cherish them... But by the time they realize that, every woman in his life has run away for fear of being turned into a sex object. It's a stupid cycle of self-harm.

As the GP said, except more succinctly and less politely: shut the fuck up. You don't have the first clue what you're talking about.

Re:Painkillers?

[Eivind Eklund]

What's missing is the reciprocated love, but casual sex takes that pain away. It's a medicine, not a replacement.

It's still like eating three snickers bars in a row. It doesn't take away the pain, it just covers it up for a few minutes until you realize you're still hungry for something and go for the next bad coping mechanism on the list.

...but it fills the hole and takes the suffering away. It's the medicine that heals.

Having meaningless sex doesn't heal, it just obscures the real problem -- meaningless sex isn't real different from masturbation.

OK, I can agree with that. However, your statement assumes that "casual sex" is always meaningless sex, and that casual sex is the same for everybody in every situation. I think you'll agree with me when I say that as it involves human relationships - even if shallow human relationships - it will be different in every case, and different for each of the participants.

When it comes to healing a broken heart, my own way of looking at it - which has worked for me and which I've been able to use to help other men - is that it mostly comes down to roles. When you've been in a relationship with somebody, you've taken that person into your life, filling a number of different psychological roles for you. Trying to heal this as a "block" is very difficult. However, if you try to find - or help people find - different relationships that each cover some number of different roles, it is often possible to fully heal.

One role that is important to men, and that I believe is automatically filled for most young women and therefore don't come onto the radar - is "Provider of self esteem through sexual interest". Casual sex can fill this role. It doesn't fill all the other roles, but dropping the casual sex can easily lead to a situation where it is hard to get casual sex (due to lack of practice) and where the need for that role becomes dominant.

And please, don't condescend to me. You're way out of your depth here. You clearly do not understand how men work. We're built fundamentally differently from girls when it comes to emotions. What the emotional world looks like to you has no relation to how it is for guys.

I should apologize for advising people to build mutually empowering and beneficial long-term relationships instead of one night stands? I do have a good grasp on what the "emotional world" of the average guy looks like -- it's mostly a desolate wasteland of drinking buddies, hobbies that long ago lost their luster, and filled with cliched advice from so-called friends and coworkers.

Do you remember the cliche about "patriarchy" that feminists come with about men's power and inability to see it?

I see a similar thing for women and sexuality. Women know that if they want to have sex without regards to the partner, they can put an advert in a magazine and no matter what their looks, age or personality, there will be men interested in having sex with them. Men don't. Men know they could put that ad, and there would be no response. Sometimes, they know they can go out every day for a year, and there most likely will be no response. Just like last year, and the year before. That there is nobody out there for them - there might be somebody in the future, possibly, but there is nobody. And, always, the fear that there will never be anybody sexually interested.

They're lucky if they've got that one guy-friend who they can be vulnerable to and trust not to rake their masculinity over the coals for doing so. The end result? When a man's heart breaks, it's not the quiet little death that us girls experience -- it's a suicidal plunge into darkness that takes years, sometimes decades, to repair. I've seen too many nice guys fall apart in the worst ways possible from a broken heart and never fully heal from it... and it's because of crap like what you're saying

I

Re:Painkillers?

[anticharisma]

Hey girlintraining seems like youre lookin at things from a ladies' perspective - which is totally valid, but only dont think you can apply a ladie's concerns as a template onto a man's concerns. Its not cool to be gettin upset and calling names to guys expressing their experience, because women and men are two sides of the same coin, and each side will always be true but opposite...I gotta say all your advice is good for women but not applicable to men. You make good points, but if a man tried your remedies he'd be nowhere. Having read the comments I conclude that for a man the best way to kick a broken heart is to gain acceptance from ladies again and the best way to do that is to gain the ultimate ladie acceptance standard, and that standard is: A good root.

Re:Painkillers?

[ErikZ]

I must be endorphin resistant, I never got that rush.

It's Okay....

[thephydes]

most slashdotters are socially inept, so a broken OS is more likely to produce pain than a broken heart

Re:It's Okay....

[Anonymous Coward]

Broken OS = broken heart

Re:It's Okay....

[CharlyFoxtrot]

It's OK, I use a unix based OS which means I have to reboot my computer about as often as I get laid. So ronery.

Re:It's Okay....

[Hurricane78]

I know a bit about these things, and I can tell you that it always pops out somewhere.

They will always be so "cool" because they vent it at something that you don't notice.

And before you know it, you have to visit your friend at the hospital, because he literally destroyed his asshole and some other stuff, because he was a extreme closet-masochist.
Good luck helping your friendship over *that* awkward situation! :P

You left one part out.

[FlyingSquidStudios]

The Psychologists later added, "if you're a total pussy."

Well, duh. We've all felt the...

[Anonymous Coward]

...good ol' lump in the throat, the straining sensation in the chest, the focused, sharp sensation that is extreme worry over someone you care for, and so on.

I believe this was not even newsworthy 2000 years ago :)

Sounds like they isolated the "whiner" gene.

[znerk]

The article seems to state that those who reported higher levels of physical pain also reported more easily feeling rejected in a social situation. Therefore, it stands to reason (at least to me) that they have isolated the gene which causes people to complain, rather than any link between physical pain and emotional distress.

Yeah, I know, what kind of slashdotter am I, if I actually RTFA?

Re:Sounds like they isolated the "whiner" gene.

[Hurricane78]

Sorry, but your attitude personally offends me very much.

I had to stand emotional pain on a level that made me think it's all just a big experiment by aliens to test me, so I could stand it and survive.
If you're hurt physically, everybody sees it, and they will drive you to a hospital and shit.
And I did not get beaten up ever.

But if you're hurt emotionally, not only are you totally ignored. They think that when they see nothing, nothing happened. And when you actually notice yourself, how wrong this all is, you are being laughed at and called a whiner. Or they play it down. Also the whole society acts as if it's not "cool" to deal with your emotions in any way. Especially as a man.
Your view is a perfect example of that totally wrong old and ignorant view.

I nearly died from it, more than once. I still have nightmares at day and at night from it.

So take back your statement *right now*! Understood?

Re:Sounds like they isolated the "whiner" gene.

['The '.$L3mm1ng]

Would you be willing to tell more about that emotional pain? What happened?

Re:Sounds like they isolated the "whiner" gene.

[Anonymous Coward]

Does this mean that societies with greater social pain also as a race experience greater pain?

I'm thinking of a culture where it is incredibly impolite to say the word "no" to strangers. Anyone? Anyone?

Thanks Slashdot.

[Goalie_Ca]

I just got home. It's 3:30 am. I missed my bus. I cockblocked her "ex" or whatever he is all the way to the bedroom door. Had a brief chat (clenched fist ready to pound the shit out of him) but really it was both of them and not him alone. I need to be able to trust her too! I walked the fuck out at first swearing like a mother fucker in my best québécois i know all the way down broadway street vancouver. I finally calmed down enough to feel the pain. It really hurt. I turn on my computer to try and calm down (can't sleep in this state) and wtf do I see? A study that says i feel pain right now. Well duh! I physically feel pain and my gut is wrapped up like a turban.

Re:Thanks Slashdot.

[Anonymous Coward]

I just got home. It's 3:30 am. I missed my bus. I cockblocked her "ex" or whatever he is all the way to the bedroom door. Had a brief chat (clenched fist ready to pound the shit out of him) but really it was both of them and not him alone. I need to be able to trust her too!

what?

Re:Thanks Slashdot.

[Lumpy]

dude, kick her to the curb, because you will feel that again and she WILL do it to you again.

If you like feeling betrayed, stay with her. If you want to stop the pain, throw her and all her crap out the door. There are 10,000 more just for you that are far better than she is. Out there waiting for you.

Re:Thanks Slashdot.

[DigiShaman]

Before kicking anyone out the door, it's best to apply some revenge! There must be some justice applied in this world. Besides, it will help dramatically in the pain recovery. I know it did for me.

Re:Thanks Slashdot.

[Anonymous Coward]

Please, please just walk away from it all. Do it for the sake of your sanity. There is no pride to save, no "winner." Just the pain you'll carry around with you for a long, long time.

Hell, do it for *MY* sake. Don't be a blind fucking idiot like I was... she kissed me goodbye, then went and put those lips around some other guy's dick a couple of hours later. Took me weeks to put the clues together! I've never considered myself "smart" since.

captcha: belong

Re:Thanks Slashdot.

[anticharisma]

I physically feel pain and my gut is wrapped up like a turban.

true mate, thats exactly how it is.

acting as if money is still worth less billybucks

[Anonymous Coward]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/22/veterans.affairs.bonuses/index.html

As for me

[dandart]

I've got less of the physical, more of the social pain usually.

Re:As for me

[buck-yar]

Yeah me too. Found out my problem was not enough exercise. I've hit the workouts harder than I ever have in my life and its minimized the emotional pain. I just feel better in general.

Google Shaun T's Insanity workout. Guaranteed you cannot do it without 10 breaks.

Re:As for me

[dandart]

Wow, that could easily explain it. I'm gonna have to try.

Re:As for me

[pjt33]

Google Shaun T's Insanity workout. Guaranteed you cannot do it without 10 breaks.

Since the first hit shows that it comes on 11 DVDs, I'll believe you.

Desentisation

[Anonymous Coward]

Slashdotters still feel bad when they get rejected !!! After all that practice, they should be desentisized.

Consider the source (TFA)

[MollyB]

This is from the same page at The Telegraph, UK:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/6049924/Zombies-would-most-likely-wipe-out-humanity-if-they-really-existed-claim-scientists.html

How much credibility does this site actually have?

Re:Consider the source (TFA)

[dannyof47]

At least it's not The Sun

Re:Consider the source (TFA)

[GreatAntibob]

Definitely a questionable paper.

And the fact that it's not cardiologists or medical/biological/biochemcial professionals reporting it but psychologists. You think maybe these guys want to add a bit of scientific legitimacy to their field of work?

Re:Consider the source (TFA)

[MirrorLake]

This is a big problem with websites that present user-submitted URLs as real news. Foreign tabloids always get mixed in with actual stories.

Hmm...

[Anonymous Coward]

it looks they someone's been reading my live journal.

My breakup strategy

[PIPBoy3000]

Fortunately it's been many years since I last went through the breakup blues, but I ended up coming up with a list of things that seemed to help.

• Indulge. I typically start by throwing my normal rules out the window and use short-term strategies to make myself happier. Buy something. Eat cheesecake. Don't get in the habit of doing so, but it helps the first few days.
• Maintain your health. This means eating for me, as I usually stop when depressed. It also means exercise in moderation, sleep, and so on.
• Socialize. I always make sure I'm around someone, friends and family, as it's too easy to be depressed when alone.
• Meet someone new. This is obviously the eventual end goal, but there's nothing like another romance to ease the hurt of the last one. Don't rush into the next, though, as you may end up jumping from one failed relationship to the next.

A Broken Hearts Hurts More Than Physical Pain

[dan5678]

I know from experience that a broken heart hurts more than physical pain.

Re:A Broken Hearts Hurts More Than Physical Pain

[anticharisma]

http://www.anticharisma.com/lovesickness.html [anticharisma.com] this little article syas what you say...

Broken Hearts

[rafaelolg]

That is some topic about women and relationship that some slashdoters can talk with experience.

Paging Hank Williams Jr.

[G-Man]

Sounds like you've got the start of a good country music song right there...

Re:Load of Crap!

[Mister Whirly]

Which is why you were brave enough to post this as an Anonymous Coward.

I believe the expression goes "cowboy the fuck up and take a salt tablet".

Re:What are you talking about?

[symbolic]

For the average Slashdotter, a broken OS *is* a broken heart.

Re:Load of Crap!

[Hamoohead]

meh!

MC: Whine if you want, I don't care.

[Anonymous Coward]

Proverbs 17:22: A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones

Proverbs 15:13: A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

Funny that the scientists are just catching up, when that's been in the Bible for close to 3,000 years. Stick that in your crack pipe and smoke it!

Very old news!

[Hurricane78]

This is well-known for a long time by psychologists and neurologists!

The pain center in your brain is activated in the same way for physical and psychological pain.

But of course, some assholes still want to claim, that it were "just words" and it did "not really" hurt.

I know from personal experience, that someone can hurt you more this way, than he could ever do with physical torturing.
Your body can mostly heal, and we have all that medicine, and hospitals and all.
But when someone "beats up your soul", you will have a hard time making people even believe that it's abuse, much less actually prove it.

One example is when person one says the most evil, painful, hurting words someone could ever say. And person two reacts with the exact same brutality, but physical.
Then person two will go to jail, and be called evil, while nothing will happen to person one.
They will argue that person one just said something. And that *can't be bad* and *can't be a reason to beat someone up.

Luckily, in my family, nobody did ever beat anybody up physically. Unluckily, it was all psychology, and my mother was a freaking genius at it.
Targeted at your heart with surgical precision. Good luck explaining to strangers, why this makes you angry. They won't see or understand it.

I wish we would finally give just as much "credit" to mental abuse, and find ways to prove it and put those people into jail too.

Think about how much mobbing would then "turn into" the actual crime that it really is.

Re:Very old news!

[anticharisma]

good points you raised there. http://www.anticharisma.com/lovesickness.html

The Truth Re:Painkillers?

[Anonymous Coward]

And most people suck at sex, particularly women.

Want good sex? Buy a Fleshlight!

Added bonus: it's smarter than most people too.

who has

[barry_allen]

time for a broken heart anyways?... i always find myself advancing in my research after the fall of relationship. so suck it up and go on to the next best thing.

Pros.

[Anonymous Coward]

When a man truly wants to punish himself, he goes to a prostitute.

Poetry and analysis worked for me

[gr8dude]

Having recently had a similar experience, I must say that several things played a major role in my recovery:

• Poetry - a way to let it all out. The energy piles up and you have to do something with it. My choice is to write poems.
• Friends, siblings and parents - yes, they can actually help. People often underestimate these "resources", but friends, siblings and parents are a tremendous source of experience; it is most likely they've gone through such a thing and they can provide many ideas.
• Understanding the cause of the break-up - I think this applies to any geek. We can't "close a case" unless we've understood it. If you don't understand a problem and try to deal with it by hardcoding "return TRUE" somewhere in your code - you're not over it. Your mind will keep returning to the problem, because such is the nature of a true geek. In plain English it means that even if you get together with another woman, some of your CPU time will be dedicated to the ex - and this is a recipe for a disaster.

  But once you have it all figured out and everything makes sense - you are over it.

What didn't help me:

• Spending more time at work.
• Cycling and various exercises - works for a short while, but then your brain adapts and develops the ability to think about "her" while you're on your bike :-)

Some reading material: Wary plod, Deception, Goal.

Yes - later it turned out that someone was indeed behind my back and I was wrong when I was trying to find the problem in myself.
General advice: stick to someone who can tolerate mistakes, otherwise they will end up like the protagonist of the last poem.

And

[quotationspage]

social rejection massively reduces the intelligence and injects aggressiveness in children.
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn2051

Idiocracy!

[improfane]

Mod parent up. Reproduction is definitely unbalanced. Watch Idiocracy, smarter, more beneficial people to society can be swamped by those who reproduce faster.

Served cold?

[improfane]

I'd love to know what you did to get revenge?

Monkeysphere

[improfane]

Hurricane78, I do find all your posts very interesting.

I think mental abuse and bullying is inherent in our biology. Look at any school from a very young age. Kids are horrible to eachother. They have no idea how to treat one another. Fortunately I was the kind of child who never did anything to anyone until they did something to me, in which case they would be hurt...

I agree with you. People do hurt you a lot. Out of curiosity, are you a piscean?