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Maybe they should teach Cortana how to play Bullshit Bingo so it at least have a humorous error during these sales meetings. It will just sit quietly for a while, and then in the middle of the meeting it will just shout "BULLSHIT!"

Sounds like you like to play bullshit bingo!

This is the funniest thing since Bullshit Bingo.

Bingo.

Bullshit Bingo?

Bingo.

I see you found this page too.

How on earth do they manage to sell this bullshit to politicians and sponsors?

http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

"Best practices" is such a wonderful term; its sheer flexibility permits the person invoking it to assure his audience that he meant exactly what he said, even when he didn't say much of substance.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a game of bullshit bingo.

Honestly. If there's one term that managers have embraced, it's "best practices." It just spews "quality." The real beauty is that there is no set standard for best practices, so if something goes wrong, you have plenty to cover your ass.

Are you sure you didn't mean Agile bingo?
Gotta keep it on topic!

"Best practices" is such a wonderful term; its sheer flexibility permits the person invoking it to assure his audience that he meant exactly what he said, even when he didn't say much of substance.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a game of bullshit bingo.

Visit the Openstack site and have this open on another tab. You're welcome

Try this site and pass out different copies to all attending the meeting/lecture. Don't forget to give out a lacquered dog-turd or preferably a cow pat to the winner or should that be to the speaker :)

Wow, just wow. What is the word I am looking for. Oh yes: BULLSHIT!

A measure of the likely price impact of executing my information order?

Bullshit!

Assuming that you don't get "let go" or "laid off", the first thing you will want to do is to buy kneepads if you don't already own a set.

This way, you will be comfortable when you suck your new managers' dicks.

And, you'll be doing it a lot, because there will be more managers than ever, all of whom being paid more than you, while spending most of their time moving from meeting to meeting to conference call to IM session while they demonstrate their cluelessness to anyone with any technical skill.

You'll be called upon to do more, with less, to "cut costs" - the largest additional cost being, of course, the overhead of the above-mentioned managers, who generate no revenue at all.

For the interminable meetings and conference calls that you get roped into for no point whatsoever (they'll pretend to listen to your suggestions, but won't take them, unless it's to take credit for them themselves later), there's Bullshit Bingo.

But, you'll still be expected to do your work, too, so prepare yourself for longer hours with no additional pay.

And if they can get away with it, minor distinctions such as "exempt" and "non-exempt" will be happily ignored whenever possible as a cost-saving measure, trusting that the peons will be too cowed to actually do anything about it... and if they do, well, they can always be fired or "downsized".

by more efficiently leveraging virtualization to utilize servers to a higher degree
I should have printed a fresh stack of these.

Software for business needs to make a quantum leap:

natural language processing, audio and visual input, and then virtual reality and artificial intelligence.

perhaps find jobs programming small tools that don't have many end users. These programs tend to be cut to the bone and the user might not want enough features to provide full time employment

It's like Bullshit Bingo but with astroturf. We use a Google spreadsheet for the grid. You can get your 'turfs anywhere on the web,but you have to tag 'em within 24 hours of their posting.

It's too late to join this game, but feel free to start your own, or you can join our next one if you can find it ;-).

Well, SOMEONE'S sour for losing at "bullshit bingo" in the last meeting with management.

http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/ :-)

Righto! Here's my solution to the same problem -> http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

Bullshit!!

• First-generation search ranked sites based on page content - examples are early yahoo.com and Alta Vista.
• Second-generation relies on link analysis for ranking - so they take the structure of the Web into account.
• Third-generation search technologies are designed to combine the scalability of existing internet search engines with new and improved relevancy models; they bring into the equation user preferences, collaboration, collective intelligence, a rich user experience, and many other specialized capabilities that make information more productive.

Our developers transitioned to Subversion about 6 months ago

Transitioned? Sounds like you've contracted a pretty severe case of management-speak. Been leveraging one too many paradigm-shifting synergies, perhaps? The word you're looking for is "switched". As an antidote, I recommend playing Bullshit Bingo at your next meeting.

But thanks for the link to Subversive! :)

"Leverage"... *scratch*
"standard"... *scratch*
"XML"... *scratch*
"microsoft"... *scratch*

Bullshit!

There is no getting away from corporate-speak, but we can try to curb the worst excesses.

What I find most offensive is when words that are not verbs, are made into verbs:

PHB: Can you action this for me?

Action is not a verb, and making it one does not clarify what the PHB is asking me to do. From an aural perspective, it has more interesting implications, and I assume that is why the suits speak that way.

When I discuss a technical problem with my colleagues, we use acronyms and concepts that my manager simply does not understand, but we completely understand. In doing so, we are able to communicate more efficiently amongst ourselves. I wonder if the suits are not doing the same thing?

When all else fails, there is always bullshit bingo!

I find buzzwords very helpful to utilze during meetings. They help to keep the team alert and aware of exactly what is going on.

"I'm sure Windows will be with us for a long time, but I'm also pretty sure that .NET won't."

You're fooling yourself if you think that is true.

History suggests otherwise. Why is this time different?

Microsoft's push to SOA includes putting all of their major application bases on the .NET framework.. Exchange, Office, BizTalk, SharePoint, CRM, etc.

Sure, and a couple of years ago there was a universal directive that managed code should be used for everything unless there was a very good reason not to... which was revoked a few months later. To date, pretty much everything that Microsoft really relies on does not depend on .Net for anything essential.

All of their verticles are normalizing on the same infrastructure to maximize interoperability between the platforms.

Did you read that here?

.NET is here to stay...

So was the last guy. And the one before him.

It never ceases to amaze me that people buy an Operating System (you really do one way or another) and then have to buy software to keep malware and other nasties out. At least with Unix/Linux OS's you can get security updates for the OS and in may cases, unless you have a subscription (good value for large corporations and even some small business) it can be free.

To actually require virus protection is really a damming indictment of the Operating System and yet Business actually spend billions of dollars a year on this rather than look at other OS's and yes I do know the excuses and they IMHO are very short sighted (rather like lemmings).

Excellent site for Business doublespeak. http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Bullshit Bingo is a way to change all of that!

http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

I love the fact that you get modded -1 Redundant for bullshit bingo, maybe all you mods should consider a different job

I.e., one where the people who talk at meetings make it possible to play Bullshit Bingo?

Damm.. did not get a line on bullshit bingo (http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/) got close but no cigarr.. he still needs to add few buzzwords...

Yeah, they're just the same -- except that apparently, the guys who run Google still speak English, while you probably have a side job working for this site, and they are driven by running a business effectively, while you appear to be driven by trying to attract more traffic to your web site.

Please take your meaningless buzzwords and corporate doublespeak elsewhere, and leave those of us who want to talk about the real world using real words with actual meanings alone.

Ah, I understand. My friend, I was once like you. Then I discovered that it's not talking to others that matters. It's what you say that counts! Fortunately, the web is a wonderful thing, and people like these have kindly provided resources to help you navigate this troublesome area more successfully. Good luck to you.

Bingo!