Slashdot Mirror

The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits than the average AOL user's personal homepage.

Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.

Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.

R.M.: Well... Hey, you're kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?

Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.

R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?

Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!

R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.

R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.

Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!

R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.

ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!

At this point I pull down my pants.

R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!

R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.

ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!

R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.

During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.

Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?

R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.

Me: Why am I not surprised?

R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!

Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.

The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits than the average AOL user's personal homepage.

Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.

Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.

R.M.: Well... Hey, you're kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?

Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.

R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?

Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!

R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.

R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.

Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!

R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.

ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!

At this point I pull down my pants.

R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!

R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.

ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!

R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.

During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.

Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?

R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.

Me: Why am I not surprised?

R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!

Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.

The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits that the average AOL user's personal homepage.

Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.

Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.

R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?

Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.

R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?

Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!

R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.

R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.

Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!

R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.

ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!

At this point I pull down my pants.

R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!

R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.

ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!

R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.

During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.

Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?

R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.

Me: Why am I not surprised?

R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!

Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.

It is interesting to see Intel pick on GCC. They are in the CHIP BUSINESS... A compiler (any compiler) helps them.

You're right, it is strange, and also they charge money for VTune, their tool for optimizing code for Intel processors. You would think that they would want to get their own development tools into as many hands as possible in an attempt to get ISVs to write apps that favored Intel over AMD.

But Intel have the money to hire very smart consultants, so there must be a good reason, maybe related to anti-trust worries.

This is one of the most inane things I've seen. Who cares how many keys you've pressed?

This is a real distributed computing project, UD's Cancer Research...

Linux users need WINE to run it, as there is no native client yet...

The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits that the average AOL user's personal homepage.

Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.

Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.

R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?

Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.

R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?

Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!

R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.

R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.

Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!

R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.

ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!

At this point I pull down my pants.

R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!

R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.

ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!

R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.

During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.

Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?

R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.

Me: Why am I not surprised?

R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!

Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.

The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits that the average AOL user's personal homepage.

Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.

Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.

R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?

Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.

R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?

Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!

R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.

R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.

Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!

R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.

ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!

At this point I pull down my pants.

R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!

R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.

ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!

R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.

During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.

Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?

R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.

Me: Why am I not surprised?

R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!

Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.

The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits that the average AOL user's personal homepage.

Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.

Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.

R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?

Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.

R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?

Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!

R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.

R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.

Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!

R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.

ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!

At this point I pull down my pants.

R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!

R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.

ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!

R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.

During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.

Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?

R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.

Me: Why am I not surprised?

R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!

Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.

http://developer.intel.com/software/products/kcc/s ysreq.htm

But when the HELL is Intel going to release their signal processing library for Linux?

I know for a fact (and I have the email correspondence with Intel engineers to prove it) that it's been ready for at least two years!! I'm still f*cking waiting, guys.

I have major projects in the pipeline that could be Linux/x86 projects if this library was available NOW. C'mon Intel, get off your g*dd*amn ass and RELEASE the Linux version of this damn thing!!! These projects could just as easily be PPC based. At least I can get optimized signal processing libraries for PPC processors.

I am extremely impressed with it and right away I was able to make my code much faster, faster even than getting a better compiler would have been able to do.

The 5.0 release version is windows only, but the VTune 6.0 Beta will profile code running on both Windows and Linux. You still need a Windows host to run the UI on, but you can profile on a Linux box across the network. I think they supply kernel patches to put some performance monitoring tools in the kernel.

If just a few key free software developer had this tool, it would make a tremendous difference. For the most part, the suggestions it gives you are applicable to any processor, not just x86. Yes, the code coach will tell you to put in SIMD instructions but you don't need to do that, you can pay attention to when it tells you there is a hidden temporary in C++, for example.

If the profiling were applied to libraries like the XLib, Gnome libraries, KDE libraries, glibc and so on it would benefit all platforms.

Also you can profile cross-platform code on Windows, like AbiWord, the Gimp or Mozilla and help out code on Linux.

I'm using an eval copy now but I'm planning on purchasing a licensed copy soon. I think it will make a huge difference to the results I can produce for my consulting business, and I plan to use the tool to contribute to free software products as well.

I am extremely impressed with it and right away I was able to make my code much faster, faster even than getting a better compiler would have been able to do.

The 5.0 release version is windows only, but the VTune 6.0 Beta will profile code running on both Windows and Linux. You still need a Windows host to run the UI on, but you can profile on a Linux box across the network. I think they supply kernel patches to put some performance monitoring tools in the kernel.

If just a few key free software developer had this tool, it would make a tremendous difference. For the most part, the suggestions it gives you are applicable to any processor, not just x86. Yes, the code coach will tell you to put in SIMD instructions but you don't need to do that, you can pay attention to when it tells you there is a hidden temporary in C++, for example.

If the profiling were applied to libraries like the XLib, Gnome libraries, KDE libraries, glibc and so on it would benefit all platforms.

Also you can profile cross-platform code on Windows, like AbiWord, the Gimp or Mozilla and help out code on Linux.

I'm using an eval copy now but I'm planning on purchasing a licensed copy soon. I think it will make a huge difference to the results I can produce for my consulting business, and I plan to use the tool to contribute to free software products as well.

Option: -mp
Description: Favors conformance to the ANSI C and IEEE 754 standards for floating-point arithmetic.
Default: OFF

Division may be replaced with multiplication by the reciprocal The long double type is identical to normal double "Truncating" from float to integer is actually round-to-nearest!

Who cares that INTEL can optimize C and C++... they make processors for that stupid MICROSOFT platform... those are TOYS.

http://www.intel.com/software/products/compilers/c 50/linux/
Now Available for Linux...

here. Only for non-commercial use. At least the cost factor will no longer be a problem for some users.

Biting at the troll ...

It's not free software.

It's free as in beer for uncommercial uses - go ahead and download it yourself. The only problem seems to be that they say it's just for RedHat or TurboLinux. However, it seems like it just puts itself in /opt and leaves things alone, thankfully. They did get it to work under SuSE.

geometric mean performance on multiple kernels compiled through it reached 47% improvement over GCC.

The testing didn't involve compiling kernels at all

I believe this misunderstanding comes from the fact that they called their different benchmarks "kernels" for some reason.

Ian

Actually, most of what you mentioned do involve small, tight loops over many iterations -- perfect fodder for a branch predictor.

Long pipelines do have drawbacks. A stall on a long pipeline, especially if it keeps happening over and over, can really hurt your performance. I'm more excited about this "hyperthreading" stuff, personally. I think CPU makers should start putting more resources toward these new ideas instead of just extending and re-extending the old. Longer pipelines and more cache can help to a point, but I think there's a barrier that needs to be broken through. Once manufacturers start to do it, I think we'll start seeing all kinds of scary-cool CPUs.

Why the hell does using DDR memory even the results? The Pentium 4 was designed for RDRAM for God's sake.

Why the hell does using DDR memory even the results? The Pentium 4 was designed for RDRAM for God's sake.

This is really a useless article. Some rich fuck is selling a car on ebay.wooohoo! Who gives a fuck.

In other news today.

United Devices recently announced a distributed client to aid anthrax research. They also have distributed clients to help find cures for cancer and alzheimers. They only have windows clients right now, but they can be downloaded here.

Apparently, if you'd believe the Linux community, you'd be hard-pressed upon where to place the blame. You see, the Linuxist Manifesto's number one rule is to lie to protect the best interests of Linux. No self-respectable Linux zealot would insult or place blame upon AMD, because AMD's philosophy centers around tackling American Corporations with their Asian sweatshops, selling their chips at bargain-basement prices like the Red Menace Commies do with their Wal-Mart shit.

So, right about now, you're probably thinking that the zealots are clearly in a dilemma. Who are they going to blame? If you have a prediction before I tell you, the poll is on the right. Or maybe the left. Either way, take your pick.

You'd think that the parasitic community would place blame upon Microsoft, right? Alas, Microsoft has had the bug patched since September 2000. Not only that, Windows XP , the latest in the suite of high-powered, stable operating systems from Microsoft Corp., has this patch built in. That's right, built in. Keep in mind that Windows XP was released in October 2001, over three months ago. Meanwhile, no one knows what the hell Alan Cocks has been doing since then, since he hides under the cloak of secrecy. nVidia has been informing users via tech support, even to the Linux community, how to fix the problem for months now. Clearly the blame is upon Alan Cocks's shoulder, but to place the blame where it is rightfully justified is inexcusable in the Linux community. The drones are in disarray.

The actual bug occurs when Linux users contract the Tux Racer virus via KEmail. When first run, Tux Racer enables a feature in your third-world sweatshop AMD processor called "extended paging." Now, I know you're probably thinking that this sounds like some sort of Nokia feature. Well, you're wrong. It's yet another feature that AMD illegally hacked from Intel. It allows your browser to seamlessly view pages up to 4Mb in size. Before its introduction in the early days of the Intel Pentium processor, web pages were broken up into 4K segments, because any pages larger would freeze the computer. That's why Microsoft didn't invent Javascript until after the Pentium, every time they went to use it, their pages exceeded 4K, and henceforth froze the computer. Intel came to the rescue with the Pentium line of chips, and, as usual, AMD got out their super high tech Asian hacking tools and "reverse-engineered" (code-name for 'illegally hacked') Intel's technology. Thus, users of the inferior AMD Cyrix Kx86-2 Now! processor could also view large web pages without crashing. So why did no one notice that pages larger than 4K would crash AMD processors? Well, Microsoft has had a fix for 16 months, like we mentioned earlier. But why did no one from the Linux community notice? Well, apparently, there does not exist a page devoted to Linux that is more than 4K in size. Since most of the Linux installations out there denounce color as 'feature bloat,' all Linux pages follow an unwritten oath to suck. Believe me, they all do.

So, for the good of Linux, you may now disperse. Head off to various tech sites and continue blaming Microsoft for not telling you sooner. Your community will thank you.

MODERATORS ON CRACK!, heres a REAL PROCESSOR

Apparently, if you'd believe the Linux community, you'd be hard-pressed upon where to place the blame. You see, the Linuxist Manifesto's number one rule is to lie to protect the best interests of Linux. No self-respectable Linux zealot would insult or place blame upon AMD, because AMD's philosophy centers around tackling American Corporations with their Asian sweatshops, selling their chips at bargain-basement prices like the Red Menace Commies do with their Wal-Mart shit.

So, right about now, you're probably thinking that the zealots are clearly in a dilemma. Who are they going to blame? If you have a prediction before I tell you, the poll is on the right. Or maybe the left. Either way, take your pick.

You'd think that the parasitic community would place blame upon Microsoft, right? Alas, Microsoft has had the bug patched since September 2000. Not only that, Windows XP , the latest in the suite of high-powered, stable operating systems from Microsoft Corp., has this patch built in. That's right, built in. Keep in mind that Windows XP was released in October 2001, over three months ago. Meanwhile, no one knows what the hell Alan Cocks has been doing since then, since he hides under the cloak of secrecy. nVidia has been informing users via tech support, even to the Linux community, how to fix the problem for months now. Clearly the blame is upon Alan Cocks's shoulder, but to place the blame where it is rightfully justified is inexcusable in the Linux community. The drones are in disarray.

The actual bug occurs when Linux users contract the Tux Racer virus via KEmail. When first run, Tux Racer enables a feature in your third-world sweatshop AMD processor called "extended paging." Now, I know you're probably thinking that this sounds like some sort of Nokia feature. Well, you're wrong. It's yet another feature that AMD illegally hacked from Intel. It allows your browser to seamlessly view pages up to 4Mb in size. Before its introduction in the early days of the Intel Pentium processor, web pages were broken up into 4K segments, because any pages larger would freeze the computer. That's why Microsoft didn't invent Javascript until after the Pentium, every time they went to use it, their pages exceeded 4K, and henceforth froze the computer. Intel came to the rescue with the Pentium line of chips, and, as usual, AMD got out their super high tech Asian hacking tools and "reverse-engineered" (code-name for 'illegally hacked') Intel's technology. Thus, users of the inferior AMD Cyrix Kx86-2 Now! processor could also view large web pages without crashing. So why did no one notice that pages larger than 4K would crash AMD processors? Well, Microsoft has had a fix for 16 months, like we mentioned earlier. But why did no one from the Linux community notice? Well, apparently, there does not exist a page devoted to Linux that is more than 4K in size. Since most of the Linux installations out there denounce color as 'feature bloat,' all Linux pages follow an unwritten oath to suck. Believe me, they all do.

So, for the good of Linux, you may now disperse. Head off to various tech sites and continue blaming Microsoft for not telling you sooner. Your community will thank you.

Back in 1998, both Netscape and Intel invested in Red Hat. See this Article at wired for details. Unless AOL have since sold the shares that Netscape acquired, they already have a piece of RH. The specific details of how much was invested weren't divulged, so who knows, this could have just been a marketing exercise...

AOL buying Red Hat is merely one more sign that AOL is looking to sock it to Microsoft in the core of their business - the OS market, and with AOL's huge amount of capital/resources, perhaps they'll be able to grow RH from a minority player to something much more prevalant. Perhaps the ultimate release of the AOL/Redhat OS would be a distant version of what we know now, but like Apple's OS X, if there's a unix based kernel at the core of the OS, it will let the tech-folk play dirty while the non-geeks can still have a simple-to-operate user experience.

There's also stuff like this which are hardware XML accelerators.

The Intel JN440BX, an old 440BX board, had an AGP slot on the motherboard. However, only special form factor AGP-NLX cards could be installed because the expansion slot opening is about 1/3 height of a normal expansion slot. The expansion port opening is above some I/O ports on the motherboard so the card has to have a "notch" in it to fit around.

A good choice for a small box is the NLX form factor, pictured here.
The NLX form factor is widely used for "enterprise" PCs, aka cubical PCs, where space is a premium. For example see the Gateway E series.

The NLX has a 5.25" bay for CD-ROM/DVD and four half-height 3" bays (two accessible from the front panel). Up to 3 PCI cards plug into the riser card.

The result is a very nice little box with as much performance as you need.

BTW, the new "Prestonia" Xeons implement "Hyper-Threading" (a form of SMT), and report to have two logical processors.

The complexity for minimum component costs has in- creased at a rate of roughly a factor of two per year (see graph on next page). (p.2, second column).

The graph on p.3 clearly shows an annual doubling of components (transistors). The current 18-24 month rate is an updated version of the law, to take into account the fact that the rate has slowed since the 60's. Of course, this means that this "Law" isn't, in fact, much of a law at all.

I'm posting this from the best computer I have right now, my home build mini-computer.

I used an Intel D810EMO mainboard. (legacy free).

In a Elan Vital MF-1

And a Maxtor 531dx hard drive.

with a USB Microsoft Natural keyboard and a USB Optical Logitech it is one nice machine. And it even looks good sitting on my desktop.

The Linux support for this hardware is excellent, also BeOS runs beautifully.

It seems some people are missing an important point: it's gonna be awhile. Not only does the process have to develop to something efficient (right now it's "beta", so to speak), but the chip people have to create the new design, and market it, and so on. During this time, we can expect faster hard drives and bus speeds. The key is not only faster hard drives and bus speeds to go with a 10GHz chip, but a smaller margin between bus speed/hard drive speed and the CPU.

Nope.
It is often misquoted as saying something about double speed in 18 months. The CPU-speed is actually somewhat closer to 12 months nowadays (or, so I've read from at least two independent researchers). What's holding the computers back is bus-speed, which doubles approx. every 3 years.

"Although the Empeg [empeg.com] (now known as Rio Car) isn't Intel-based, it runs on a decently powered StrongARM CPU"

StrongARM is an Intel product, so your system isn't Pentium based but it still is Intel based.

2100 MTOPS is a 900MHz P3. 5333 MTOPS is a 2GHz P4 . Here is a nice reference from Intel.

Intel develops 5 ghz processor!
from the compile-a-kernel-in a minute department

Intel have recently developed a new processor called the HEXIUM! It runs at 5 GHZ at LOW tempretures, tests show that compiling linux kernel 2.4.18 takes only 57.4 seconds! So what are you waiting for! See the details

I got mine from a mandrake install, but then went back to slack (and just used the mandrake source). It fixed all my probs. Just make sure and recompile your kernel with eepro100.o as a modules (or not at all). Then untar the e100 source and make, then copy e100.o /lib/modules/YOUR_KERNEL/kernel/drivers/net. Finally do a depmod.

Good luck.

Bill D. Cat

Winton,

Check out the Intel PIII-M processors. They have double the cache (512K vs 256K) and a 133MHz FSB in comparison to the less expensive Apple referred to above.

Here is a list of vendors that sell P3-M laptops.

Winton,

Check out the Intel PIII-M processors. They have double the cache (512K vs 256K) and a 133MHz FSB in comparison to the less expensive Apple referred to above.

Here is a list of vendors that sell P3-M laptops.

I Wish I had written it. Enjoy!

As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA.

Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out: "Peter is a computer hacker!"

As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times.

After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his actions.

After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be able to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme measures need to be employed.

To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your son is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their son matches the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will first try to reason with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself that I have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help other parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a spanking becomes necessary.

1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker sites.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

4. Does your child read hacking manuals?

If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.

There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.

If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.

6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.

I Wish I had written it. Enjoy!

As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA.

Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out: "Peter is a computer hacker!"

As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times.

After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his actions.

After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be able to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme measures need to be employed.

To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your son is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their son matches the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will first try to reason with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself that I have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help other parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a spanking becomes necessary.

1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker sites.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

4. Does your child read hacking manuals?

If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.

There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.

If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.

6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.

I know. I couldn't believe it either. Did you see this?

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

The 12 Days of Goatse

On the first day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the second day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the third day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fourth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the fifth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the sixth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the seventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eighth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the nineth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the tenth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the eleventh day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]

On the twelveth day of Goatse
My Slashdot gave to me
twelve Warner Brothers redirects [warnerbros.com]
eleven ZDNet redirects [zdnet.com]
ten Yahoo! redirects [yahoo.com]
nine Time Magazine redirects [time.com]
eight Intel redirects [intel.com]
seven Sony redirects [sonymusic.com]
six Amazon.com redirects [amazon.com]
five AOL redirects [aol.com]
four Tom's Hardware redirects [tomshardware.com]
three Microsoft redirects [microsoft.com]
two Go.com redirects [go.com]
and a direct link to Goatse [goatse.cx]