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I'm not anti-gun by any means, but how do "We need more guns!" people respond to the fantastic Onion article headline? Yes there have been shootings in Germany and Norway and other places, but do you think it's merely a coincidence that the USA has so many more than other countries for any reason other than the fact that we're all packing?

Oh that's easy, they respond by saying hammers kill people and dodging the subject.

Hammers don't kill people any more than any other inanimate object... such as a gun.

If guns kill people, then cars cause drunk driving, spoons make people fat, and houses make people agoraphobic.

I'm not anti-gun by any means, but how do "We need more guns!" people respond to the fantastic Onion article headline? Yes there have been shootings in Germany and Norway and other places, but do you think it's merely a coincidence that the USA has so many more than other countries for any reason other than the fact that we're all packing?

Oh that's easy, they respond by saying hammers kill people and dodging the subject.

I'm not anti-gun by any means, but how do "We need more guns!" people respond to the fantastic Onion article headline? Yes there have been shootings in Germany and Norway and other places, but do you think it's merely a coincidence that the USA has so many more than other countries for any reason other than the fact that we're all packing?

But in the mind of libertarian nutball Cody Wilson

Instead of calling people names, why don't you and yours simply campaign to abolish the Second Amendment altogether? If we read the First the same way we are told to read the Second, our freedom of speech too would be limited to "petitioning the government" — and only for "redress of grievances". Oh, and only after a "cool-down" period.

"Assault firearms" my foot — you can't even carry a freaking sword or brass-knuckles in many parts of the country nowadays. If only the British kept those blades away from Patrick Henry and his "nutball" cohorts!

Is this connected with the transition from Phase Two to Phase Three? Presumably it must have helped with recruitment:

"Though the coffee chain's specific plans are not known, existing Starbucks franchises across the nation have been locked down with titanium shutters across all windows. In each coffee shop's door hangs the familiar Starbucks logo, slightly altered to present the familiar mermaid figure as a cyclopean mermaid whose all-seeing eye forms the apex of a world-spanning pyramid...Remaining Starbucks employees earmarked for re-training are being taught revised corporate procedures alongside 15,500 new hires recently recruited from such non-traditional sources as the CIA retirement program, Internet bulletin boards frequented by former Eagle Scouts, and the employment section in the back of Soldier Of Fortune magazine."

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

From The Onion, America's Finest News Source:
http://www.theonion.com/articl...

CONAKRY, GUINEA—With the death toll in West Africa continuing to rise amid a new outbreak of the Ebola virus, leading medical experts announced Wednesday that a vaccine for the deadly disease is still at least 50 white people from being developed. “While all measures are being taken to contain the spread of the contagion, an effective, safe, and reliable Ebola inoculation unfortunately remains roughly 50 to 60 white people away, if not more,” said Tulane University pathologist Gregory Wensmann, adding that while progress has been made over the course of the last two or three white people, a potential Ebola vaccination is still many more white people off. “We are confident, however, that with each passing white person, we’re moving closer to an eventual antigenic that will prevent and possibly even eradicate the disease.” Wensmann said he remained optimistic that the vaccine would not take considerably longer than his prediction, as waiting more than 50 white people for an effective preventative measure was something the world would simply not allow.

Well then I guess I'm a racist cunt too, because I agree with him (amiga3D (567632)) and I think he's right on the money: friends, Mecca, NSA, Patriot Act and all.

We'll both go take our racism over there, out of your way. Have fun chatting with the highly enthusiastic Religion of Peace supporters -- but I'm afraid you'll need a piece handy if you'd like to continue the conversation for an extended period of time.

May I point you to this highly charged and offensive picture and article here. His point is that this picture is designed to offend nearly everyone, yet no one has died from it -- that's been reported. But add a picture of "Allah" in there and things might get interesting. But I'm sure all of those Muslims were all just innocently sitting in a circle singing Kumbaya because that's all they ever do, right?

ISIS would like me dead (not personally) because I'm an atheist. Yep, they're extremists. So is most everyone (I assume) at Westboro Baptist Church, but at least they haven't killed anyone.

Maybe cockroaches should inherit the Earth -- we don't seem to be doing too hot of a job lately.

Mr. Cuntness signing off.

'You don't take the idea from Jules Verne, you just take the Nazi scientist and let him build a rocket to the fucking Moon.'

BTW, here you can order a print from that day.

http://store.theonion.com/p-47...

Islam at the top religion in the US in 10 years is just silly talk. It would require MASS conversion.

Alternatively, just reduce the number of non-Muslims in the country. And 13 years ago they started the job, if you get my drift.

Oh, you didn't? The radicals (ultra-conservatives?) want to kill the infidels. ALL of them. (Us, presumably. Or if nothing else, ME -- I'm an atheist and won't convert. [Well, I'd hope.]) They don't want to meet and chat, not have an election, nor tweet about it. You'll either convert, or you'll die, and I'm sure they'll be watching the newly converted for a decade or two.

I'm not sure what the Islamic moderates actually think, but I'm fairly sure they're scared of the radicals too. But what matters is what they actually do. "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." --Edmund Burke, maybe. It also applies to the Westboro Baptist Church.


WARNING! OFFENSIVE RELIGIOUS CARTOON PICTURE FOLLOWS! Don't click or view if you're under the age of majority in your location (usually 18-21, I think.) Gee, you're responsible for your own actions -- what a concept!

It's here.

"Following the publication of the image above, in which the most cherished figures from multiple religious faiths were depicted engaging in a lascivious sex act of considerable depravity, no one was murdered, beaten, or had their lives threatened ... Though some members of the Jewish, Christian, Hindu, and Buddhist faiths were reportedly offended by the image, sources confirmed that upon seeing it, they simply shook their heads, rolled their eyes, and continued on with their day."

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

"What part of this don't you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all."

To make sure that NYC is not Ferguson.

He has a couple of "meet the police" fairs, which I never saw before.

He has done everything right that Ferguson did wrong.

Now, the NYC police is not perfect, but at least they are actively attempting to do a better job, rather than attempting to prove how 'tough' they are. ...

This initiative, in particular, is unusually progressive.

Looks like The Onion got this one wrong.

Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away

I suppose it's a commentary on the state of the world that The Onion is so often inadvertently right with their headlines.

Why white people? What I mean by that is we should be certainly be concerned that there is far less urgency about fighting Ebola as long as only Africans are suffering but why isn't the onus on China and India to help solve this? Especially now that China is casting itself as the saviour of Africa. These countries consider themselves major powers so let them carry a bit of the burden, it's not as if their people are immune against Ebola.

Looks like The Onion got this one wrong.

Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away

I suppose it's a commentary on the state of the world that The Onion is so often inadvertently right with their headlines.

All we need is for white people to be at risk and the investment will be there:

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Being White doesn't cut it; you need to be rich. BTW, why don't people give rich Blacks as much grief as they give rich Whites?

Is this you? Sounds like it.
http://www.theonion.com/articl...

They definitely need it for the Denarius V spacecraft... follow-on to the Denarius IV, only with $700billion this time.

All we need is for white people to be at risk and the investment will be there:

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

And who determines if the content at that URL is satirical in nature? Facebook? Looks like they've merely added that "tag" for all URLs from the Onion.

Let's face it, the Onion is a well known satyrical news site and there is no real confusion about it's satyrical nature for most open minded people with a well developed sense of humor. However conservatives, being rather closed minded and prone to panicking, seem to be unable to tell the difference between satyrical news sites like the Onion and real news. What originally tipped the scales and caused Facebook to launch this project was an incident during the Bush administration where the administration spent vast amounts of money planning the invasion Nukehavistan . Eventually somebody clued the White House in on the joke but by then they had already invaded Afghanistan. Another interesting fact bit about the satire tag is that it has taken Facebook nine years of intensive development and testing to develop ... a 'tag'.

And here's yet another news story about a rather well known Korean astronaut.

The military can't possibly let themselves be outdone by NASA and it's Denarius IV Spacecraft

Oops, my href dissappeared. Denarius IV

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Funny? Insightful? Predicts the future?

Confused as to how to moderate this. Considering how right Onion was in the past on those issues...

(Those who don't know what I'm talking about: http://www.theonion.com/articl...
Note the date).

Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

While this is very pogniant and funny, why does nobody ever complain that a cure to something or the other is 50 dead Chinese or Indians away from being developed? It's not like those countries don't have the means or a pharmaseutical industry capable of coming up with an Ebola vaccine. It seems to me they are sitting on their collective hands and ignoring the problem just like Europe and the USA are. It's in everybody's interest to develop an Ebola vaccine before we get a serious pandemic but it's nevertheless getting bloody tiring to have this problem laid at the door of the US/EU all the time. The Chinese and their traditional medicine mafia are well on their way toward rotting out large portions of the African fauna, perhaps they can pay Africa back by developing an Ebola vaccine?

Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Ebola vaccine

I'm not sure if this is sad or just expected; I guess both which in thereof itself is sad.

I actually don't like this kind of race-baiting, but this is a joke:

Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away

I let my IEEE membership lapse when I got tired of feeling like no matter how many sub-memberships I had, I almost never had access to the journal articles I wanted. "Oh, you're a member of the Signal Processing Society. You'd need to be a member of the Society of Signal Processing (Splitters!) to get that article." It was starting to feel like this.

Adblock Edge

Fuck Everything. We're doing five blades.

It's a shame with all this hostility towards environmentalists.

Greenpeace is not an environmentalist group.

But use cleaner and more expensive energy?! Fuck no!

Right there, that's your problem. Better has to come at a cost. It's like a religion, and you have to pay for your sin. We could have nuclear, but nope. We have to convince people to live, as you put it, 'simpler and deeper,' change their lifestyles to match what you find aesthetic, rather than improve the means of production.

Cheaper cars, lower fuel expenses, no cable bill, no expensive cell phone bills because I don't have a smart phone, cheaper electricity because I don't have a TV in every room or any other energy sucking toys.

Found that guy. Okay, you like that, fine, do your own thing. Acknowledge that not everyone wants to live the same way.

I walk to local stores - they're less than half a mile away. See, being "green" also saves money on exercise. Why pay hundreds of dollars and get locked into a shitty gym contract when walking and carrying packages is great exercise?

Unless you've been working all day, you're tired, it could rain at any moment, you have more to carry than you can, ect. Then your activity becomes a privilege, which as it turns out is one of the main criticisms of the pseudo-environmentalism movement. Ever lived like that by necessity? I have, it sucks.

things would clean up on their own because we would spend time doing important things instead of wasting it on shit doing shit.

And of course, you know what the important things are. Have you ever considered that, maybe, the reason people dismiss environmentalists is because so many people who take up the mantle of 'environmentalist' are only using pseudo-environmentalist ideas to justify their own sanctimonious self righteous superiority. A different approach is needed.

Apparently, they're doing experiments like this at the LHC too: http://www.theonion.com/video/...

The reason Hollywood doesn't like piracy is because they don't want you seeing (for free) how crappy 90% of the product is.
The bulk of their business is built on trailers and a massive marketing engine convincing you that the movie "might be" good enough to watch and spend your money on. Usually they're wrong.

Honestly, I don't know many cinephiles that actually go to theaters anymore.

Want to know how most of us feel about Hollywood? I'll invite you to watch The Onion's film reviewer Peter K Rosenthal telling you (NSFW language) how he really feels: http://www.theonion.com/video/...

article a video

What are they doing reading an article about DST then?

Obligatory Onion link and XKCD link

So YOU"RE the Area Man.

this:
http://www.theonion.com/video/...

Juxtapose with this onion article:

"Magical Office Worker Able To Turn Everything He Touches Into More Work For Colleagues"

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

We've failed to work smarter, not harder.

Software developer Vijay Pandurangan did just that, and in less than two hours he had completely de-anonymized all 173 million entries.

Having thereby run afoul of the circumvention of copyright protection mechanisms clause of the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, he was then subjected to the NYPD's controversial new program, and subsequently incarcerated.

Meh. It's been done

Is this you?

Sorry....Any reason to use that link. :-) ... Full disclosure I also just cut cable.

All reasonable points.

Reminds of this bit from The Onion: Oh, sure, if you’re going to compare us to first-world countries, we’re definitely not going to come out looking so good.

It strikes me as quite ironic that a lot of your comment is essentially a backhanded concession that there are considerable advantages to a country with substantially more left-wing culture and policies.

World's Supercomputers Release Study Confirming They Are Not Powerful Enough

Just don't program them [8 minutes] to love.

World's Supercomputers Release Study Confirming They Are Not Powerful Enough

Christ, Article a Video

Here's a demo of the new robot. Surely it would be easy to downside and re-purpose these for mosquito heads.

http://www.theonion.com/video/...

Who watches TV anymore, let alone with friends, that is just some cruel torture

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

I know that a good percentage of people on Slashdot have cut the cord,

It's more like a good percentage of people SAY they've cut the cord (so they can sound all l33t and "TV doesn't match my unsurpassed intellect"), but most of them haven't.

"Well, my friend, I'd like to tell you, but folks who work here have a little saying: What happens at the Yucca Mountain Federal Nuclear Waste Disposal and Encasement Facility stays at the Yucca Mountain Federal Nuclear Waste Disposal and Encasement Facility."

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Ohio just uses its new head-ripping-off machine.

New Report Finds Climate Change Caused By 7 Billion Key Individuals

"If we're going to be able to do three products . . ."

Three products? Why not five?