LinuxPlanet's Year In Review

LinuxPlanet has a year-end review discussing their picks for favorite linux software in several categories, from window managers to time-wasters.

Comments

ta fucking ta

[DivineOb]

good things come to those who are speedy

eat a dick /.... you fucking suck

Re:ta fucking ta

[Klerck]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

3
2
6
2
3
3
6
6
2
5
8
4
6
5
6
2
2
8
6
3
7
1
9
4
1
6
7
4
4
5
1
9
6
7
6
5
1
6
2
9
5
8
3
3
6
9
2
7
3
3
3
8
6
9
5
3
5
4
7
5
8
6
7
5
8
6
8
4
6
1
3
4
9
9
5
2
8
5
5
1
2
2
6
8
9
9
3
2
9
4
3
7
5
9
5
7
9
7
7
5
1
4
5
7
5
3
8
5
2
2
1
1
1
9
8
2
3
7
4
1
2
2
2
9
1
7
5
5
3
5
7
4
1
9
1
6
1
6
9
6
8
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9
9
3
8
2
4
7
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9
2
8
4
3
8
4
9
1
1
8
2
5
6
3
5
1
3
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3
2
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1
3
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2
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1
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2
5
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3
3
4
3
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2
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2
3
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1
4
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1
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3
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1
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1
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1
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1
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2
1
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1
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1
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3
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2
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1
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1
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1
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1
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1
4
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1
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3
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3
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1
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2
1
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1
3
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1
1
2
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2
1
3
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1
5
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1
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1
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1
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2
2
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1
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1
3
6
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1
5
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5
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5
1
3
3
4
1
1
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1
3
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2
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1
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1
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1
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1
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2
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1
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2
5
2
1
9
3
5
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5
7
8
3
4
3
5
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2
5
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2
3
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1
1
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2
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3
5
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2
3
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1
2
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1
3
6
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9
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3
2
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3
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3
4
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3
1
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8
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1
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6
3
1
1
1
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3
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1
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3
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1
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1
5
6
2
3
3
9
3
2
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6
2
4
8
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3
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3
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1
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1
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3
4
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6
5
1
3
2
1
3
4
2
9
7
5
5
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1
2
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1
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2
2
3
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2
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2
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7
6
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1
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1
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2
4
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2
1
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1
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1
1
3
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2
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1
3
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1
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1
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1
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1
5
1
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3
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2
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2
2
2
3
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2
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1
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1
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1
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2
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1
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3
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2
1
1
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1
6
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1
2
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1
4
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1
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2
4
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2
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5
1
4
4
8
3
3
3
4
6
4
2
2
3
2
4
7
4
7
8
3
4
4
1
3
6
1
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3
5
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7
2
2
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1
3
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5
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1
2
2
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1
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3
1
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3
1
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3
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2
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1
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1
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1
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2
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1
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2
5
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1
1
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2
2
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2
2
1
3
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1
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2
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1
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1
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3
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2
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2
5
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3
1
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1
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2
2
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2
3
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1
1
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2
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3
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2
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3
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2
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2
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3
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3
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3
6
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2
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2
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4
2
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2
1
3
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4
1
3
4
4
3
7
1
2
8
3
4
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1
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2
3
3
2
6
3
3
2
9
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2
7
1
3
5
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3
4
3
1
5
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2
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2
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3
4
1
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1
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1
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3
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5
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2
4
4
2
6
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5
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2
5
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1
2
3
9
3
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4
3
1
3
9
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5
5
1
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2
2
5
9
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8
2
4
1
1
3
1
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5
1
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2
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5
1
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4
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3
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1
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1
3
7
1
7
2
3
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3
6
1
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3
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2
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1
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1
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3
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2
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5
2
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1
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4
1
3
1
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2
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5
1
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9
5
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1
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2
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2
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1
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1
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1
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1
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3
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4
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1
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3
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2
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3
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1
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1
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3
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2
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1
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2
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6
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2
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2
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5
4
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3
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7
1
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6
1
4
6
7
3
4
2
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4
1
9
5
2
4
6
6
2
5
3
2
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3
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4
2
3
9
2
4
9
4
8
6
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6
2
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6
3
4
1
4
3
3
8
9
6
8
3
3
5
5
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7
5
1
8
9
3
2
6
8
3
8
9
1
4
2
1
6
2
3
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4
4
3
3
7
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3
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9
8
7
5
4
6
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5
2
5
5
2
5
6
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3
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4
5
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2
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9
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3
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6
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1
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2
5
2
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9
1
2
2
4
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8
2
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5
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1
3
9
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6
1
2
4
4
1
7
5
4
5
9
3
7
9
4
8
3
3
2
3
2
2
7
8
3
4
5
6
5
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6
4
2
6
7
6
2
9
8
7
7
3
9
9
7
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9
4
8
4
1
1
1
9
9
9
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9
6
6
5
9
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can it be?

[pherthyl]

what the hell? I don't believe.

Re:can it be?

[DivineOb]

Go away fag... you cower at my firstpostness

Re:can it be?

[Ralph JewHater Nader]

That is because Slashdot is overrun by homosexual criminal child-molesting kikes like michael and CmdrShithead.

why, oh why?

[robsmama]

must the GPL be such an unsufferable virus? It's supposed promote the open collaboration of development. Why then is it so restrictive.

MOM

Re:why, oh why?

[Anonymous Coward]

It's not supposed to promote the open collaboration of development.

Dangerous...

[rde]

D'you really think it's wise linking to a story that has a page on 'best text editor'? Especially one in which no-one picks vi?

However, it's good to see that I'm not the only one heartily sick of 'linux on the desktop' stories.

Re:Dangerous...

[irony nazi]

Did you notice that one of the editors (mph) uses Jed on his slower machines that are too slow for emacs?

Come on! Does anybody still use a machine that's too slow for emacs? My PowerMac 80 MHz used to run Emacs in Linux very fast. Does this guy still use a i386?

Re:Dangerous...

[ThatComputerGuy]

I dunno dude, these weirdos may have a different interpretation of "slower machines" than you and I.

dep's quote: "I admit that this is on a low-end machine, an Athlon 1.2-gig with 768 megs of memory and a G-400 vid card with a paltry 32 megs."

Re:Dangerous...

[AdamJ]

I think that quote was meant to be a joke, to show that Opera could still be quite the hog/laggered on even systems that have quite a bit of power in them.

Re:Dangerous...

[Anonymous Coward]

Emacs is more a framework (an operating system).

It has applications that are too slow for a 80Mhz machine.

Re:Dangerous...

[Arandir]

I'm not sure it's a joke. It's the same old story that been around for twenty years. Go peruse the software shelves and see how many of this weeks titles won't run on last years state-of-the-art systems.

Everytime I run across a slow or sluggish program the solution is always to get a faster machine. Perhaps a 1.2Ghz Athlon is obsolete. If so, then my 1.33Ghz Athlon must be obsolete as well, or will be by the end of the week. Well screw it! I'm tired of chasing after other people's standards. If the software won't run on my system it's cheaper not to buy that software than to upgrade the CPU.

Linux Gayness

[Anonymous Coward]

It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.

What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:

• Linus Torvalds is an anagram of slit anus or VD 'L,' clearly referring to himself by the first initial.
• Richard M. Stallman, spokespervert for the Gaysex's Not Unusual 'movement' is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad.
• Alan Cox is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves me.

I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.

Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail, which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'

As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.

And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo slut!

Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children. To quote from the article linked:

'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'

Is this why you were touching your penis in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?

We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexual lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.

Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.

In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual practise of anal fisting. The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.

Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis, glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.

And Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.

The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other automatically.

The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously /anus, but there are others. Militant fags even say 'there is no /opt mount point' because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of life.

More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.

Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!

Even the title 'Slashdot' originally referred to a homosexual practice. Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/.

The editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement. (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot runs on Apache!

The Apache server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.

And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.

To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'

FEEDBACK

What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do. I'm scared I actually read this whole thing. I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people. This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this. And actually take the time to do it too. Although... I think it was satire.. blah.. it's early. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo-calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.

You must work for the government. Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot won't be able to continue or something, due to legal woes. If i ever see your ugly face, i'm going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass, after it's nice and hot, to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!

you really should post this logged in. i wish i could remember jebus's password, cuz i'd give it to you. -- mighty jebus, Slashdot

Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator.

ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism.

Actually, that's not at all how scrotal inflation works. I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum. I've never tried this, but you can read how to do it safely in case you're interested. (Before you moderate this down, ask yourself honestly -- who are the real crazies -- people who do scrotal inflation, or people who pay $1000+ for a game console?) -- double_h, Slashdot

Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!

dude did u used to post on msnbc's nt bulletin board now that u are doing anti-gay posts u also need to start in with anti-black stuff too c u in church -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church. Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.

Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.

And don't forget that slashdot was written in Perl, which is just too close to 'Pearl Necklace' for comfort.... oh wait; that's something all you heterosexuals do.... I can't help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do First-Posts on this site if it were redone in PHP... I could hand-type dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them. -- phee, Slashdot

Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'

One scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'

And PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?

Thank you for your valuable input on this. I am sure you will be never forgotten. BTW: Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars? Mars rulaa. -- Eimernase, Slashdot

Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.

That's inspiring. Keep up the good work, AC. May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community, and make it pure again. Yours, Cerberus. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.

However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)

In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.

Inspiring stuff! If only all trolls were this quality! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation. Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???

If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!

It's pathetic you've spent so much time writing this. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.

As with any great open-source project, you need someone asking this question, so I'll do it. When the hell is version 2.0 going to be ready?!?! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.

I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel, you sexy hunk, you. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman.

Dude, nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading. Try to distill the message, whatever it was, and maybe I'll read it. As it is, I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time. 10 seconds is all its gonna take M$ to whoop Linux's ass. Vigilence is the price of Free (as in libre -- from the fine, frou frou French language) Software. Hack on fellow geeks, and remember: Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins. Those godless, oil drench, bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons (another fine, fine French word) and eat that. Anyway, try to keep your message focused and concise. For concision is the soul of derision. Way. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

What the fuck?

I've read your gay conspiracy post version 1.3.0 and I must say I'm impressed. In particular, I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gay-bashing homos tend to be full of. Thank you again. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Well bugger me!

ooooh honey. how insecure are you!!! wann a little massage from deare bruci. love you -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Fuck right off!

IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD, which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain. You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat, but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.

Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.

Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.

Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?

Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.

ANUX -- A full Linux distribution... Up your ass!

page lengthening post!

[iamklerck]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

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Re:page lengthening post!

[Anonymous Coward]

We missed you klerk! Good to see you are back!

Linux is Very GAY

[Anonymous Coward]

It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.

What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:

• Linus Torvalds is an anagram of slit anus or VD 'L,' clearly referring to himself by the first initial.
• Richard M. Stallman, spokespervert for the Gaysex's Not Unusual 'movement' is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad.
• Alan Cox is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves me.

I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.

Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail, which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'

As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.

And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo slut!

Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children. To quote from the article linked:

'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'

Is this why you were touching your penis in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?

We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexual lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.

Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.

In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual practise of anal fisting. The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.

Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis, glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.

And Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.

The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other automatically.

The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously /anus, but there are others. Militant fags even say 'there is no /opt mount point' because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of life.

More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.

Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!

Even the title 'Slashdot' originally referred to a homosexual practice. Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/.

The editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement. (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot runs on Apache!

The Apache server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.

And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.

To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'

FEEDBACK

What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do. I'm scared I actually read this whole thing. I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people. This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this. And actually take the time to do it too. Although... I think it was satire.. blah.. it's early. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo-calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.

You must work for the government. Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot won't be able to continue or something, due to legal woes. If i ever see your ugly face, i'm going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass, after it's nice and hot, to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!

you really should post this logged in. i wish i could remember jebus's password, cuz i'd give it to you. -- mighty jebus, Slashdot

Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator.

ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism.

Actually, that's not at all how scrotal inflation works. I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum. I've never tried this, but you can read how to do it safely in case you're interested. (Before you moderate this down, ask yourself honestly -- who are the real crazies -- people who do scrotal inflation, or people who pay $1000+ for a game console?) -- double_h, Slashdot

Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!

dude did u used to post on msnbc's nt bulletin board now that u are doing anti-gay posts u also need to start in with anti-black stuff too c u in church -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church. Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.

Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.

And don't forget that slashdot was written in Perl, which is just too close to 'Pearl Necklace' for comfort.... oh wait; that's something all you heterosexuals do.... I can't help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do First-Posts on this site if it were redone in PHP... I could hand-type dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them. -- phee, Slashdot

Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'

One scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'

And PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?

Thank you for your valuable input on this. I am sure you will be never forgotten. BTW: Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars? Mars rulaa. -- Eimernase, Slashdot

Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.

That's inspiring. Keep up the good work, AC. May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community, and make it pure again. Yours, Cerberus. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.

However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)

In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.

Inspiring stuff! If only all trolls were this quality! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation. Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???

If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!

It's pathetic you've spent so much time writing this. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.

As with any great open-source project, you need someone asking this question, so I'll do it. When the hell is version 2.0 going to be ready?!?! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.

I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel, you sexy hunk, you. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman.

Dude, nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading. Try to distill the message, whatever it was, and maybe I'll read it. As it is, I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time. 10 seconds is all its gonna take M$ to whoop Linux's ass. Vigilence is the price of Free (as in libre -- from the fine, frou frou French language) Software. Hack on fellow geeks, and remember: Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins. Those godless, oil drench, bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons (another fine, fine French word) and eat that. Anyway, try to keep your message focused and concise. For concision is the soul of derision. Way. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

What the fuck?

I've read your gay conspiracy post version 1.3.0 and I must say I'm impressed. In particular, I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gay-bashing homos tend to be full of. Thank you again. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Well bugger me!

ooooh honey. how insecure are you!!! wann a little massage from deare bruci. love you -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Fuck right off!

IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD, which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain. You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat, but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.

Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.

Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.

Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?

Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.

ANUX -- A full Linux distribution... Up your ass!

SLASHDOT -- A sufficiently GAY web site!

And Sawfish?

[oasisbob]

What? They made *two* categories for window managers and time-wasters? After spending six hours trying to get Sawfish to work right, I would put them in the same group...

page lengthening post!

[Klerck]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

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9
4
3

8
7
6
8
7
1
6
5
8
5
1
1
6
1
8
1
1

Slashdot Sucks! Snot Taco!

[Anonymous Coward]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

3
2
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2
3
3
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1
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2
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1
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3
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1
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1
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5
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2
9
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4
3
4
1
4
1
5
2
9
4
5
9
3
7
1
4
2
5
8
1
4
7
9
7
8
4
3
1
4
3
6
3
9
3
7
5
1
1
2
6
6
3
8
2
1
5
6
7
7
7
1
3
3
7
5
9
6
1
1
2
4
8
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4
5
2
1
3
8
1
5
9
9
7
9
9
6
5
1
4
2
3
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5
9
5
9
7
6
6
7
8
1
2
9
4
3
9
3
2
6
6
5
5
1
6
7
8
7
1
1
9
1
6
3
2
2
5
1
3
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3
6
1
3
6
9
5
8
8
1
5
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4
6
6
5
5
7
7
5
1
3
3
4
1
1
7
1
3
5
1
2
4
6
9
4
8

I demand a recount!

[Tsar]

I am shocked, shocked, so see that /. wasn't voted Favorite Time-Waster.

TANJ!

Re:I demand a recount!

[Anonymous Coward]

time-wasters

the biggest time waster of all is coding linux. everyone knows microsoft will come out with a new version of windows and linux will become forever obsolete

page lengthening post!

[iamklerck]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

3
2
6
2
3
3
6
6
2
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8
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GACK!

[Enahs]

Michael Hall seems to think that nobody involved with Debian will mind if he "points out" that Debian development is slow.

I hope Michael Hall doesn't mind my pointing out that he's completely unqualified to make such a comment, as Debian's just as fast as anyone else. Anyone who's actually bothered to visit the Debian website would know that there's not just one but three different branches of Debian Linux development; it only seems to be behind if you use Debian stable, which is behind by quite a bit because...well, damn it, go check the Debian web site if you don't know.

Damn it, and I bet Michael Hall gets paid to write about Linux.

Re:GACK!

[Pr0n K1ng]

You stupid fuck! What version of Debian do you think the average user is going to go for at first glance of a debian ftp site? Stable of course. At that point, said average user is not aware of how behind Debian stable is to every other desktop Linux distro. Seems to me that what he said was perfectly reasonable.

--pk, proudly running Mandrake v6.1 which has newer software than Debain stable.

Re:GACK!

[Error27]

I'm fairly sure Micheal Hall is aware of the three debian distributions...

I would bet that he reads over 50 linux articles every day including Saturday and Sunday. He basically posts every single article on linuxtoday.com.

I was pretty glad when debian started the testing distribution. After the testing distro was created there wasn't as much need for Progeny.

I use unstable myself, but I realize that a lot of people aren't comfortable updating as many programs as I do as often as I do. These people would be more happy with frequent stable releases.

Can I encourage you to grow a thicker skin?

Re:GACK!

[gwillden]

Yeah I thought the same thing when I read his comment. For me running Debian gets me the latest stuff faster than I would from an rpm based distro. Apt is just so darned easy and thorough that I feel very comfortable updating anything and everything on a regular basis. I am not yet that comfortable with other distros. They are probably pretty easy too but I've used Debian much more than any other.

Big time kudos to the Debian developers from this grateful user.

Re:GACK!

[Arandir]

it only seems to be behind if you use Debian stable

Perhaps the bleeding edge Debian gets released just as fast as all the other distros, but but stable Debian is what counts. If Debian unstable is supposed to be the mainline branch, then why is it called "unstable"?

Debian stable is what counts, and I expect quicker results from a constipated tortoise than from Debian stable.

Re:GACK!

[CentrX]

The two branches, "testing" and "stable" are not insanely well-tested, stable, and secure as the people at Debian want them to be. While "testing" is generally better than other, released, distributions, and with newer software, it does not meet the insanely high standards of the Debian developers.

Re:GACK!

[Menthos]

The two branches, "testing" and "stable" are not insanely well-tested, stable, and secure as the people at Debian want them to be. While "testing" is generally better than other, released, distributions, and with newer software, it does not meet the insanely high standards of the Debian developers.

Still, stable releases is usually what counts if you compare distributions. It simply is unfair to compare a stable version with an unstable version, and so you have to decide upon one type of versions across the board to compare with. If Debian has a disadvantage on such comparisons then it is too bad for Debian, but not an excuse for invalidating comparisons of stable versions of distributions.

And, by the way, I have yet to see any proof that the quality of "testing" should be equal to the stable versions of other distributions.

Year in review? These are carved in stone.

[Deal-a-Neil]

I don't think this had much to do with 2001. What I mean is that its not as if a new version of vi or Emacs is going to come out, and will convince a diehard KWord user to convert.

By the way, favorite distro back in 1995/96, and still my favorite in soon-to-be 2002, Slackware.

I'm at 50 points, so I need to waste karma...

[Lethyos]

Sorry everyone, I am at the 50 karam point ceiling and even though I just scored a +5 post, I don't get any credit for it (in fact, if someone mods me down, I lose karma - how does that figure?). The ceiling is really dumb, so the only way I can fix the situation is to crap flood at +2 and hope moderators hurt me hard. That way, I can post intelligently again and earn back karma. Special thanks to the WIPO Troll for the material.


Why Do They Reject My Submissions!? Sunday December 30, @10:50PM [ Add Friend | 1 Comment ] WHY DO THEY REJECT MY SUBMISSIONS!? By J. Wipo Troll, Esq., $Revision: 1.1 $

• 2001-01-01 14:47:56 WIPO Troll cums on CmdrTacos children (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-01 15:01:41 Hemos Sucks on ESRs Withered Penis (articles,patents) (rejected)
• 2001-01-01 15:07:28 How do I clean up a huge pile of feces? (askslashdot,aol) (rejected)
• 2001-01-01 15:13:08 WIPO Troll Patents Crotch Hair (articles,patents) (rejected)
• 2001-01-01 15:19:27 WIPO Troll Patents Crotch Hair (UPDATE) (articles,patents) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 11:55:05 CowboyNeal rapes CmdrTacos anus (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:06:55 Why did CowboyNeal rape CmdrTacos anus? (askslashdot,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:13:30 I am the Goatse.cx man, by CmdrTaco (books,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:21:55 I CUM ON YOUR FACE (articles,x) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:28:27 Motherfucking bastards fuck you fuck your shitty s (articles,x) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:33:59 Slashdot sucks the turds from my ass-hairs (articles,x) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:42:06 Interview with the Goatse.cx man (interviews,bug) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:47:39 WIPO rapes Hemos sister (articles,aol) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 12:52:49 Reject this story, you fuckfaced geeks!! (yro,censorship) (rejected)
• 2001-01-05 13:00:06 Hahah reject this one too!! (yro,censorship) (rejected)
• 2001-01-08 01:31:33 How do I shave my crotch? (askslashdot,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-08 01:36:36 Does CmdrTaco eat Dog Testicles? (askslashdot,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-13 05:21:38 Turds, Diarrhea, and Fecal Japan (articles,slashback) (rejected)
• 2001-01-13 06:23:33 I raped Hemos puckered anus (radio,apache) (rejected)
• 2001-01-13 22:46:36 Fuck you fucking fuckers up your fucking asses!! (yro,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-14 22:16:41 Why does WIPO Troll like feces so much? (askslashdot,toys) (rejected)
• 2001-01-14 22:21:51 Will CmdrTaco ever come out of the closet? (askslashdot,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-14 22:27:11 Step-by-step guide to sucking your own penis (science,privacy) (rejected)
• 2001-01-15 07:17:50 I want a handjob from that JenniCam girl (features,pilot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 03:15:46 skfsjytdrwtvasdiwudwquskfsjytdrwtvasdiwudwquytefwk (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 07:12:20 Jon Katz shoved up WIPO Trolls ass (features,science) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 10:16:12 Jon Katz escapes, shoved up ass again (articles,science) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 10:23:48 . a dot for your website (yro,quickies) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 12:45:33 WIPO Troll patents the eating of crotch hairs (bsd,patents) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 13:03:48 Slashdot.org renamed to SUCKDOT.ORG (radio,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 14:10:42 WIPO Troll spews feces onto Front Page (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-21 21:32:42 WIPO Troll beaten to death by Network Vigilante (yro,privacy) (rejected)
• 2001-01-23 03:03:13 Taco fired from Andover for Slashback embarrassmen (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:04:53 CmdrTaco sucks RMSs crotch hairs (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:10:03 CmdrTaco used as sex slave by ESR (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:15:16 Roblimo ate Timothys balls! (and crotch hair) (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:24:41 WIPO Troll fucks CmdrTaco with penis, dildo (radio,privacy) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:30:33 Do zoophiles go to hell? (askslashdot,x) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:37:44 I stroke my cummy cock at thee (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:43:29 Heres Fecal Japan in your eye! (science,spam) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:51:02 CHECK THIS SUPER COOL TURD OUT!!! (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 06:57:04 I wanna fuck Alyssa Milanos tits (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 07:03:26 Or I want some Alyssa Milano **PORN** (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-25 13:42:27 CmdrTaco, Hemos discovered licking goat balls (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-26 02:45:08 FUCK FUCK FUCK CROTCH HAIRS FUCK FUCK (apache,php) (rejected)
• 2001-01-26 04:50:31 Crotch Hair Grooming Secrets Revealed (books,apple) (rejected)
• 2001-01-26 07:09:24 WIPO Troll beaten to death by CmdrTaco, Hemos (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-26 23:00:55 Trolls to fill your Q with shit (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-27 04:57:37 I took a dump on Paters face (articles,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-27 05:03:48 I Took another dump on Paters face (articles,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-27 05:10:36 Ewww, I think Pater likes this (articles,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-28 01:56:52 This Q sucks anus hairs (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-28 05:28:40 Plastic.com trolled, goes down in flames (radio,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-01-28 06:23:42 alcgewiryt32;r.wbgtd79p iuycfge.lirf87e tfl.alcgew (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-28 08:12:29 VALinux licks my crotch hairs (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-29 16:28:22 Who stole my crotch hairs!?!? (askslashdot,netscape) (rejected)
• 2001-01-31 01:32:28 Crapflood? (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-01-31 02:36:02 WIPO posting at -1, beats Malda to death (radio,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-12-06 17:47:57 Taco-snotting orgy kills 4, injures 11 (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-06 20:47:51 Taco-snotting REVEALED (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-06 21:19:33 More snotting of the Tacos! (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-06 23:14:46 I like little boys, like CmdrTaco! (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-08 20:09:36 WHY R U LEAVING THIS PENDIGN (articles,news)
• 2001-12-08 22:45:25 Kuro5hin returns! (features,ie) (rejected)
• 2001-12-09 03:20:19 Vehix.com sued by Apple over infringement (articles,news)
• 2001-12-13 07:02:37 Burp (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-15 10:12:26 Crap! (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-15 23:22:31 On Taco-Snotting 1.13 (features,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-12-19 05:07:41 Monty Python and the Holy Taco (articles,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-12-20 08:12:28 WIPO Sodomizes little Children! (articles,patents) (rejected)
• 2001-12-21 11:55:59 WIPO Shoves CmdrTaco into Anus, Film at 11 (features,slashdot) (rejected)
• 2001-12-24 13:27:16 Snotty Snot, Snot and more S N O T (developers,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-26 19:19:42 Christmas sucks, Taco. How about yours? FUCK YOU. (articles,news) (rejected)
• 2001-12-27 01:41:20 REJECT THIS OR DIEEEEE IN YUOR SNOT (features,programming) (rejected)
• 2001-12-30 06:29:00 Kuro5hin WIPOed by Troll Gangs, film at (articles,slashdot)
• 2001-12-30 21:25:41 CmdrTaco castrated in freak kitchen accident (articles,news)
• 2001-12-30 21:32:14 WIPO wants sex with you. GOAT SEX! (yro,debian) (rejected)
• 2001-12-30 21:45:49 Reject this or we cut off your MICROPENIS (developers,privacy) (rejected)
• 2001-12-31 00:01:10 Circle-Jerk Catastrophe Kills 8, Injures 36 (science,quake) (rejected)
• 2001-12-31 02:01:55 Yay! Youre rejecting my shit again! (articles,news)
• 2001-12-31 02:35:41 Sims anus explodes, covers YRO page in feces (yro,news)

Summary:

• pending (6)
• rejected (75)

________________________________________

• The URL of this document is <http://slashdot.org/journal.pl? op=display &uid=267426 &id=3275>

$Id: submissions.html,v 1.1 2001/12/31 02:50:33 wipo Exp $

Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all hes done to make Slashdot a better place.

Re:I'm at 50 points, so I need to waste karma...

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry everyone, I am at the 50 karam point ceiling and even though I just scored a +5 post, I don't get any credit for it (in fact, if someone mods me down, I lose karma - how does that figure?).

I 100% agree. The moderation system has some serious issues!

Re:I'm at 50 points, so I need to waste karma...

[Anonymous Coward]

People have been harping about this for a very long time.

CmdrLoser refuses to do anything about it. I became a troll when I came to the same discovery you did.

Re:I'm at 50 points, so I need to waste karma...

[Big Dogs Cock]

Stop whining.

Do what I do and just create a new account when you hit 50. I think having accounts at both +ve and -ve Karma caps is cool.

Oh, but for fuck's sake, no more page lengthening posts please.

Re:I'm at 50 points, so I need to waste karma...

[Anonymous Coward]

I used to be a troll but after more than 2 years of trolling with no results, I have since retired.

We interrupt for an emergency poll

[Anonymous Coward]

How many people think game shows are f*cking retarded?

Re:We interrupt for an emergency poll

[Anonymous Coward]

Believe it or not: 342

YOU ARE RUINING SLASHDOT FOR THE REST OF US!

[Anonymous Coward]

*sniff*

Now I have to boot Windows for IE because Mozilla becomes unresponsive on every story you post your wicked numerology curses.

Re:YOU ARE RUINING SLASHDOT FOR THE REST OF US!

[Anonymous Coward]

What do you mean? I thought all the linux zellots on ./ were in love with the concept of full disclosure of bugs in software. Klerk is mearly pointing out YET ANOTHER hole in NutScrape.

Re:YOU ARE RUINING SLASHDOT FOR THE REST OF US!

[Klerck]

No, I'm not, you dumbass. I'm just being annoying. I'm crapflooding the crapflooders.

Re:YOU ARE RUINING SLASHDOT FOR THE REST OF US!

[Anonymous Coward]

Make them longer, please, much longer.

OS/2

[NeoOokami]

Having a beating the dead horse cateogory and OS/2 being downed was rather low in my opinion. I know a lot of Linux users that hate being a part of the rabid group that hate any form of commercial software and shun any operating system that's commericial or even not Linux. OS/2 was never a bad operating system and having a portion like that only promotes the idea that "Linux Freaks" are zealots.

Re:OS/2

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, it was a feeble attempt at humor. The OS/2 desktop was simply amazing, and OS/2 was fabulously robust. It still has a strong following, and I would even buy a new copy (some company has licensed it from IBM) if the price were right.

The irony is that the LP comments were complaints about beating a dead horse, and yet in themselves the comments were beating a dead horse! How hypocritical can you get.

Re:OS/2

[ThatComputerGuy]

Dennis's selection of OS/2 as "dead horse that needs to be shot one more time" was not any expression of hate for commercialized software or anything not linux.

Honestly, how many people still use OS/2? Sure, it was a good concept, and from what I hear, it worked very well. But even the people that I've talked to that used OS/2 religiously now tell me that it's being left far behind, and they can't keep on using it because of their advancing needs.

Now where's the stereotypical-linux-zealot-hate there?

Re:OS/2

[NeoOokami]

I was not trying to point out that LP itself was showing that, but that having even a gag like that ( I realize it was meant as humor and who hasn't laughed at OS/2, Amiga, etc. jokes before.. even if we like the OSes ) could definetly give the wrong impression to people. I didn't really find it offensive myself, but I could easily see others taking it so; and above all it was really pointless imo.

Re:OS/2

[XPulga]

many large corporations (like banks) use OS/2 as their platform, and have tens of thousands of OS/2-based ATMs scattered around.

It seems that IBM finally understood that their marketing department is ugliest collection of coneheads on Earth, which, together with the usual business practices from Microsoft, laid OS/2 behind in the big desktop boom of the early 1990s.

So, they stopped trying to sell OS/2 the joe home user, and started selling to big enterprise places, where IBM already had one heck of a market share since the mainframe era, and the name IBM actually means something.

Currently IBM ships OS/2 under the "eComStation" name. They're just not worried about calling it OS/2 anymore: the concept OS/2 was meant to be - the true unleashing of 32-bit GUI platforms - just wasn't filled in by OS/2, it was filled by Windows and Mac OS. (it was meant to have look-and-feel coherence with Motif too, but that's another tale)

Last but not least: while the article calls OS/2 a dead horse, it's a decent operating system over which IBM has full control and can tame to its purposes whenever needed. Example ? Remember those big, bad ass S/390 machines IBM sells and which we love to say "they run Linux!" ? Ever managed to see a demonstration of one of those in a LinuxExpo or other exhibit ? The software in ROM that manages the virtual servers (each running a separate copy of Linux in its own VM) is OS/2 and WPS. (actually it's a one-board-PC with OS/2 in ROM that plugs in the S/390 VM control slot (not sure of nomenclature here) and manages the VMs.

Left or right? Yes!

[ThatComputerGuy]

Wow, check out dep's responses... what a weirdo. I just get the impression of a pissed-off-grumpy-old-man from him. But I think I'd like to see him take the 7Up challenge..

"So, Dennis, which do you prefer, 7Up or the rancid milk?"

"Well, at first I thought 7Up of course, but the rancid milk has some really interesting tang to it..."

And, of course, he'd probably answer "yes".

page lengthening post!

[iamklerck]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

3
2
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2
5
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1
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3
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3
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1
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KDE biased

[IceFox]

Within the article I found that they mentioned quite a bit about kde and I thought I might respond.

There are many reasons why every kde app developer wants to get their app withing the base distrobution! First your app suddenly gets installed on (insert total kde desktops # here, some big ass number compared to said developers app downloads). Second you app then gets checked over many other developers as they are checking out the new kde app and because they are coders looking at your work they can provide good bug reports to quickly fix the problem. You application is quickly changed to conform to the rest of the desktop, making your application more pollished. The translation team will go through and convert your application to X (insert supported # of langues here) languages and you don't have to go out and find someone to do it for each language. Your Makefile etc worries are over as you no longer have to worry about then anymore (other then setting up your own Makefile.am, but if you can't do that then you still have some work to do before you should even think about going to kde's cvs) Also you can go and download just about any iso and there will now be a good chance that your app is sitting there. Now wouldn't you want to be part of this?

Second the windows manager debate page didn't have too much oomp to it. (more on this in the next paragraph) I think the major reason with this is because people don't want to think of them as seperate items, and with kde it simply comes with the desktop and works. (I am not currently up to date on gnome, but last I readup I think they are doing the same thing of a gtk based simple window manger that just works and ditched e). So other then e or some desktop that can only afford twm there isn't much to say on this.

Kmail, Konq, kword... A pattern here? Yes! The pattern is concistancy which I am surprised they didn't mention anywhere in their article (other then the corel dude, but that wasn't this type of consistancy). The applications look similar, behave similarly etc. The biggest reason I hated Netscape was how it did copy/paste differently then all the rest of my application. The reason I love Konq is similar. It does everything I need and looks the same as the rest of my applications and behaves the same. (this goes along with my own development of Kinkatta as an aim client for kde ) Things as small as that they all use the same "cut" icon in the end make life easier. You get anti-alias working for qt and suddenly all of the kde app have it, no getting it working for each app (cough mozilla cough). The like bobs_big_blue_theme? Go ahead and put it on. If you have all of 1 desktop then you don't have to worry about some apps not having it (besides xmms, but it has its own theme anyway). So I think one of the real reasons that these applications won is because not by themselves, but as a group they make something bigger and stronger.

-Benjamin Meyer

Re:KDE biased

[Menthos]

Within the article I found that they mentioned quite a bit about kde

You're right about the KDE bias. I think the outcome would be bit different if all of them had actually tried Galeon, Evolution and Abiword, as an example. I know a lot of people (that have tried both) prefer Evolution over KMail.

To me this "review" was more of "what I've accidentally heard about and bothered to use" instead of an actual review of several carefully chosen contenders. I think it was unfortunate that it was labelled as a "review" since that gives the outcome more credability than what you'll find if you actually read the article.

+1 Funny on the MQR standard

[MarkusQ]

What? They made *two* categories for window managers and time-wasters? After spending six hours trying to get Sawfish to work right, I would put them in the same group...

*laugh* I have no points and I must mod.

-- MarkusQ

P.S. As far as I know there is no truth to the rumour that "MQR points" will be phased out in favour of the euro.

page lengthening post!

[Klerck]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

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2
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1
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2
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3
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2
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3
4
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9
6
1
6
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3
4
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2
4
1
1
4
2
6
9
5
1
8
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3
3
7
2
3
6
9
2
9
4
5
4
4
2
5
9
4
6
5
9
8
2
6
2
4
1
8
4
7
2
7
6
2
2
9
2
5
7
9
8
3
3
2
9
2
4
5
1
1
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2
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1
7
3
2
3
9
4
3

8
7
6
8
7
1
6
5
8
5
1
1
6
1
8
1
1

SLASHDoT sucks!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

FUCK SLASHDOT!!!

I hate you karma whore bastards!
Fuck you!

Newsworthy?

[Anonymous Coward]

Is there really any need to post this article to Slashdot? Who cares what these three like to use as their favorite desktop or text editor?

Is there really not much else going on?

page lengthening post!

[Gay Linux Conspiracy]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

3
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5
2
1
6
6
4
3
8
9
9
9
5
5
8
7
6
7
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9
2
3
6
3
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9
4
4
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8
4
7
2
7
6
8
4
6
7
1
3
5
1
2
4
1
3
3
4
6
3
9
1
1
4
4
3
6
9
7
4
3
8
8
8
9
4
3
1
7
1
6
3
1
7
5
3
6
1
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6
3
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4
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7
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6
1
7
8
3
5
1
4
7
2
5
3
4
3
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7
3
9
7
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6
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7
1
8
6
1
6
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8
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3
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8
8
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3
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2
8
5
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1
1
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3
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6
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2
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9
8
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3
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2
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8
6
8
8
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3
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6
8
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6
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7
7
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7
4
5
6
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5
5
3
9
9
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3
4
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6
1
6
7
8
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3
4
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7
6
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6
3
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3
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2
9
4
5
4
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4
6
5
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8
2
6
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8
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3
3
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2
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7
5
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7
2
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3
2
3
9
4
3

8
7
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8
7
1
6
5
8
5
1
1
6
1
8
1
1

Software

[Anonymous Coward]

LinuxPlanet has a year-end review discussing their picks for favorite linux software in several categories, from window managers to time-wasters.

What...? Linux has software...?

page lengthening post!

[iamklerck]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

3
2
6
2
3
3
6
6
2
5
8
4
6
5
6
2
2
8
6
3
7
1
9
4
1
6
7
4
4
5
1
9
6
7
6
5
1
6
2
9
5
8
3
3
6
9
2
7
3
3
3
8
6
9
5
3
5
4
7
5
8
6
7
5
8
6
8
4
6
1
3
4
9
9
5
2
8
5
5
1
2
2
6
8
9
9
3
2
9
4
3
7
5
9
5
7
9
7
7
5
1
4
5
7
5
3
8
5
2
2
1
1
1
9
8
2
3
7
4
1
2
2
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1
7
5
5
3
5
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4
1
9
1
6
1
6
9
6
8
8
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9
3
8
2
4
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8
9
9
2
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4
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1
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6
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1
3
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6
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3
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4
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3
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9
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6
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3
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6
6
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5
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8
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2
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3
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3
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1
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6
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5
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8
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5
3
6
3
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3
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3
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1
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7
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4
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5
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1
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3
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1
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8
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4
5
6
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1
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7
5
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1
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7
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7
6
2
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9
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7
7
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6
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2
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page lengthening post!

[Openly Gay Troll]

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

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incorrect?

[kLaNk]

Um, you say from window-managers to time wasters.

I thought all *nix people were about the command line interface. I always used to hear people rave about how it was so much more effiecent.

So shouldn't the typical slashdot slanted comment be "from time wasters to time wasters"?

Slashdot sucks my ass.

These guys need to get around more

[el_chicano]

The authors' choices seemed unnecessarily limited to me. It is kind of hard to have a "best" of anything if you only sample a few of them.

For instance, they did not mention Mandrake except when talking about the Sims. Mandrake kicks ass though IMO SUSE comes close.

The window manager choices were also sparse. Lightweight WMs like Sawfish and IceWM weren't mentioned. Everyone knows about Gnone and KDE, how about telling people about the WMs they don't know about?

And when it comes to text editors, no new ground was broken. What about FTE? It is the best cross-platform (Linux, Windows, OS/2 and others) editor I have come across: full-featured yet relatively small and easy to use.

Jeez, it seems that *anyone* can start a Linux site these days!!! :->

Re:These guys need to get around more

[Menthos]

You're right about the KDE bias. I think the outcome would be bit different if all of them had actually tried Galeon, Evolution and Abiword. For example, I haven't yet personally heard anyone (that has used both) prefer KWord over Evolution, favorite desktop environment preferences aside.

To me this "review" was more of "what I've accidentally heard about and bothered to use" instead of an actual thorough impartial review of several carefully chosen contenders, which is what "review" means to me.

EMACS RULES! VI SUCKS!

[Anonymous Coward]

VI SUCKS! EMACS RULES!

first 'klerk is a big faggot' p0st

[Anonymous Pancake]

page lenghthen my ass

SimTower For Windows Read Me
Last Minute Info April 19, 1995

Please read all of this document - it's important! Really!
We've tried to make this readme file informative, useful and fun. You might even find a clue to any SimTower cheat codes in here.

What's in this Document
Reading This document
Using Write
Using Something Other Than Write
Technical Stuff
Introduction
Installation Problems
System Conflicts
Some Other Things To Consider
Windows Shells Other Than Program Manager
QEMM, 386MAX, and other "cloaking" or "shadowing" Memory Managers
Increase Resources
Be Bold!
Sound And Music
Video, Palettes and Pictures
The Most Important Video Information in This File
What are Video Drivers?
What Does This Have to Do with SimTower?
General Note On Video Cards
Changing Your Video Driver
It Don't Work. Now What?
Specialized Video Stuff
Diamond Stealth 64 DRAM/VRAM
Cirrus Logic Chipset
Windows for Workgroups 3.11
Memory Issues
The General Idea
Windows for Workgroups 3.11
Using Virtual Memory
Disk Compression Users
Non Disk Compression Users
Gameplay Issues
Elevators
The Elevator Control Panel
What Does It Mean: Floors Closer than Moving Cars?
What About the "Car Response Time?"
Renaming Stuff
Housekeeping Stuff
Hidden Stuff
Limits
Some (Confusing) Money Matters
More Hidden Stuff
Talking to Real People
Customer Support
Before You Call Customer Support
The Most Important Stuff
The Next Most Important Stuff
Ways to Get Ahold of Us
Who we are

Reading this Document
Using Write
To make this document easier to read, enlarge the Write window by clicking the Maximize button in the upper-right corner of the window. Or open the Control menu in the upper-left corner of the Write window (press ALT+SPACEBAR), and choose the Maximize command.

Make sure that you are in Portrait Orientation. To check, open the File menu and select Print Setup.... Click the Portrait button if it's not set.

Use the Find menu to search for information which may be of interest to you. Readme files are the last chance for producers, programmers, managers, play testers and other nefarious types to include important information. As such, information can be a little "scattered". Search (with Find) and you may be pleasantly surprised. It ain't hyper-linked text, but it's the next best thing.

To move through the document, press PAGE UP or PAGE DOWN. Or click the arrows at the top and bottom of the scroll bar along the right side of the Write window.

To print the document, choose Print... from the File menu.

For Help on using Write, press F1.

NOTE: The screen shots in this Readme file are in 16 color BMP files to keep this file as small as possible. Also, the screen shots may not look all that spiffy when printed. Believe me when I tell you that the game looks much better in 256 colors.
Using Something Other Than Write
This document has been written using an outline structure. Unfortunately, Write doesn't support an outline structure.

If you can load this document into another word processor that CAN display it in an outline, you'll be able to find help and information more quickly by reading subject headings.

Actual Read Me information starts here...

Technical Stuff
Introduction
Games are pushing the envelope of software development. Word processors and spreadsheets, for all their menus and functions and what not, mostly just sit in memory and wait for you to do something. Games are running all the time, grabbing resources and forcing video drivers to perform at peak level. SimTower may be "just a game", but it's a busy game, and it's making your system work all the time... even when the window is minimized.

If you're having trouble running SimTower for Windows, or are getting error messages, check out this section first (it's why we put it near the top of the file). These tips were compiled and written by the Virtual Adept Magi of Maxis Customer Support and QA., and contain enough information to make you an expert too (or at least enough to make you sound like one).

Installation Problems

NOTE: If you are using memory managers (such as QEMM) other than the standard utilities that come with DOS, these installation instructions do not apply.

If the SimTower installer reports a General Protection Fault (GPF), AND you're running DOS 6.0 or higher, follow these steps (you earlier version of DOS users should skip to the next section):

1. Reboot your computer. Either press the reset button on your computer's case OR press Ctrl+Alt+Delete on your keyboard all at the same time to reboot.
2. Watch the boot-up process closely for the Message "Starting MS-DOS...".
When you see this message press your "F8" key once. You'll have to be nimble, since the "Starting MS-DOS..." message only gives you 2 seconds. If you succeed, you'll see a message that says "DOS will prompt you to confirm each line of the CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT files."
3. The order in which the lines are presented to you depends on your machine. Answer "Y" to the following lines in the CONFIG.SYS file:
DOS=HIGH,UMB (These items may be listed on separate lines 'DOS=HIGH' and 'DOS=UMB'.)
DEVICE=C:\DOS\HIMEM.SYS (This line may be listed as DEVICE=C:\WINDOWS\HIMEM.SYS)
NOTE: There are NO SPACES used in these lines!
4. Answer "N" to ANY other lines. This means ANY other lines.
5. You'll be deposited at the (dreaded) C:\> prompt. Don't be scared. Just type in "CD\WINDOWS" then hit [Enter].
6. You will now be in the Windows directory. Your prompt will read, "C:\WINDOWS>"
7. Type "WIN" [enter] to start Windows. Windows may be a little slower than usual.
8. Now follow the setup instructions in the SimTower Addendum & Quick Start Guide.
9. After installation, reboot your computer and let it start up as usual.
10. If you still receive GPFs contact Maxis Customer Support.

The Next Section (for pre DOS 6 users)
You'll likely need to create a boot disk to prevent conflicting software from loading. This boot disk MUST be in Drive A. DOS looks in Drive A for booting instructions before it looks in Drive C. It NEVER looks in Drive B. If you only have one floppy drive, DOS always looks in that drive before it looks in Drive C.

Making your boot disk
First, read these instructions once (or perhaps twice) to familiarize yourself with the procedure and what you'll need.

Here's what you do to make a boot disk:
1. Place a blank, formatted disk in the A: drive. (If your floppy disk is not formatted, put the disk in the "A:" drive and then from the "C:\>" prompt type in "format a:" then press .
2. Get to your C: prompt by typing "C:"
3. Type "SYS A:" (This puts basic system files on the floppy in your A: drive.)
4. Type in "A:\" to switch to your "A:" drive.
5. Make sure that you are on the "A:" drive; if you are not, BAD things may happen.
6. Create a CONFIG.SYS file by following these instructions:
a. Type "copy con config.sys"
b. Type "DOS=HIGH,UMB" (no spaces)
c. Type "device=himem.sys" (no spaces
d. Press the F6 key (you will see "^Z"), then press . You'll get a message telling you that one file has been copied.

Reboot your machine with this boot disk in drive A. This will let you bypass your auto-loading stuff and give control back to you. You'll end up at the C:>prompt. Type "cd\windows" . Now you're at your Windows directory. Type "win" . This loads Windows.

System Conflicts

Conflicts are rare but they can occur. If you're not having problems, take no action (or, if it ain't broke, don't fix it).

If you are having problems (or if the fine writing in this file seems interesting), read on.

Many people make Windows load some programs automatically. Some of these programs are benign. Others are resource hogs. The easiest solution is the most drastic: turn off everything but the Program Manager and SimTower to free memory and system resources.

If that's a bit much, consider that most problems are caused by two types of programs. The worst offenders are screen savers. If you're using a screen saver (even the default Windows screen saver), you should disable it to prevent conflicts when running SimTower.

The second worst offenders are virus protection programs. It's a sad comment on our times that virus protection programs are a necessity, but really, the only time they actually do any good is when a disk is inserted. There's no reason to have them running if all you're doing is building a tower. If you experience trouble running SimTower for Windows, try disabling virus protection programs.

To determine if something else is running, hold down the key on your keyboard then press the key at the same time. This brings up the Windows Task List.

Ideally, the only item in the Task List window should be Program Manager. If there are any other items shown, and you want to disable them, click on the item to highlight it and click on the End Task button to turn it off. Repeat until only Program Manager is active. Now run SimTower for Windows.

Some Other Things To Consider

Windows Shells other than Program Manager
Shell programs are third party replacement programs that you can use in place of the standard Windows Program Manager. These include such things as HP Dashboard, the Norton Desktop, and XSoft's TabWorks (which comes installed on most Compaq computers).

If you are having trouble installing or running SimTower for Windows, try either turning off the shell you are using, or using that program's File - Run command to run Program Manager. The command line to run Program Manager is C:\WINDOWS\PROGMAN.EXE. Once you have installed SimTower, you should be able to close Program Manager and run SimTower through the shell program you usually run.

Some shell programs simply won't let you run SimTower properly. If you have successfully installed SimTower but it still won't run, try turning off the shell program you have been using.

A Special Note About TabWorks: If you are running TabWorks, we STRONGLY recommend the following procedure to eliminate extraneous icon creation and other bizarre problems.
1. Go to the Options menu.
2. Select File Tracking Options, and deselect Track File Creation and Track File Modification.
This will allow you to install SimTower through TabWorks without having to run Program Manager.

QEMM, 386MAX, and other "cloaking" or "shadowing" memory managers.
QEMM has a feature called "Full Stealth Mode". Full Stealth Mode tries to free as much lower memory as possible by "cloaking" or "shadowing" all the devices and drivers in upper memory. This would include most the BIOS on most video cards. Unfortunately, neither SimTower nor WinG (the Windows Graphic utility that SimTower uses) will detect your video BIOS if it's cloaked or shadowed. We recommend that you turn off Stealth Mode altogether or do not include the Video Regions in the optimization of your system. If you need any assistance with these procedures PLEASE call the manufacturer of your memory manager to confirm that what you are using is WinG compatible.

Increase Resources
If you get occasional General Protection Faults in MMTASK or MCISEQ, try increasing the buffers allocated for sounds. To do this, open the Control Panel icon and select Drivers. In the Drivers window, there will be a list of items like "Timer" and "[MCI] Sound". Highlight "[MCI] Sound", and click on the Setup button. Usually, the MCI Waveform Driver Setup window will be configured for a 4 second buffer. You should try increasing that to 6 seconds.

Be Bold!
When all else fails, increase the amount of low memory available in DOS. See your DOS manual for information on increasing the amount of memory available.

Sound and Music

SimTower for Windows supports all sound cards that are compatible with Windows 3.1. If you do not have a sound card, you will get a message reminding you of this. Click Continue. SimTower will run without sound.

If you have a sound card, check the Options menu in SimTower. In the Options menu is an item called Sound, which has three selections: Elevators, Background, and Events. For sound to play, at least one of these menu items must be selected. Having all three selected gives you the full range of sounds in a building. Turning off all three gives you more speed from your computer.

There is no music in SimTower.

Video, palettes and pictures

The Most Important Video Information In This File
Some video drivers shipped with Windows 3.1 do NOT work on most systems. These drivers are designed to work only with specific video cards. Chances are that you do NOT have this type of card! These are the drivers which begin with Video 7 or XGA.

If you use these drivers but don't have the cards they are designed for, you'll get a blank screen when Windows loads. Windows is actually running just fine, but it's kind of hard to use a graphic interface if you can't see the graphics.

If you are reading this after you have already loaded one of these drivers and you no longer can load up Windows, call your video card manufacturer. In a few paragraphs you'll find out how to change your Windows driver back to VGA. If you have any doubts about changing your display drivers around, PLEASE call your video card manufacturer.

What are Video Drivers?
Windows uses programs called Video Drivers to control how your particular graphics card displays things on the screen. Usually, the video card installed in your computer has a set of video drivers for you to use with Windows. Windows itself comes with video drivers that work on almost any video card and allow your computer to display 16 colors with a resolution of 640x480 pixels.

What Does This Have to Do with SimTower?
Many people have only the generic 16 color video drivers installed. Others have video drivers which allow more than 256 colors. What's a poor company to do?

Well, what we did is allow SimTower to run in color resolutions other than 256. Obviously, displaying 256 color artwork in only 16 colors can produce some effects which are... less than artistic.

On the other hand, some of the animation or colors in SimTower may not work properly with systems running in more than 256 colors.

In both the above cases, SimTower is still playable, so if you don't have 256 color drivers or are not sure how to install them, you can still play SimTower.

However, for absolutely the most bestest results, we recommend that you run SimTower in 256 colors. Your video card manufacturer or documentation should have information to help you set your card for 256 colors.

The steps to change your video driver are system-specific; you may have an icon in your Control Panel or perhaps a separate group for setting and changing resolutions and the number of colors.

We recommend that you check with your vendor or manufacturer for information on your display card, but here are some general hints and tips we can run through.

General note on video cards
WinG (the graphic utility that SimTower uses) will usually warn you if your drivers are incompatible. If you do not get the warning, most likely you will not have video trouble.

This does not mean that the WinG check is 100% correct so if you have video trouble consult your video card manufacturer to check the WinG compatibility of your video card.

If you do not know what company makes your video card, consult the manufacturer of your computer to find out what brand of video cards they have been using on your model machine.

Changing Your Video Driver
WARNING: Follow these instructions ONLY if you and your computer are on friendly, familiar terms.
You may need your original Windows disks (they have programs which you might need but which may not have been installed) so it's helpful to have them handy.

Next, find the Windows Setup icon and double-click it to open it. It's usually in the Main program group. Display shows you what your system is set for. If it's just "VGA", that means 640x480 resolution with 16 colors. We're going to change that to something a little nicer.

Open the Options menu and choose Change System Settings. Click the down arrow at the right side of the Display bar to show a list of drivers that are in the options. Scroll up and down to see the available selections. Look for one that lists specifically 256 colors. (Remember, you most likely do not want the Video 7 or XGA drivers!) When you find one, select that setting by clicking on it, then click on OK.

If you don't find a driver for your card, you can still use Other display at the end of the list. In this case, you'll definitely have to tell the Settings program where your driver is, since it already can't find it.

Most likely, what you want is installed already. If so, you'll get a prompt asking you if you want to use the currently installed driver or use a new one. Most of the time you'll want to use the currently installed driver (unless you have a newer version of what's installed). If it's not installed, you've got your Windows disks handy. Insert any disks as requested.

Click the Restart Windows button when instructed.

It Don't Work. Now What?
It is possible that after Windows restarts with the new driver that your display will blank out or not function properly. This indicates, at the very least, that you have loaded the wrong driver for your video card. It may also mean that you will need a specific driver for your card.

Don't panic. Here's how to put things back the way they were.
1. Get to your C:\> prompt.
If your computer goes straight into Windows without you typing anything, you must prevent that from happening. If you have DOS 6.0 or higher, you can press the F5 key when you see the prompt "Starting MS-DOS." If you have an earlier version of DOS, you must use a boot disk to boot from your A: drive.
2. Get to the Windows directory (type CD\WINDOWS [Enter]).
3. At the C:\WINDOWS> prompt, type SETUP [Enter]). This loads the DOS version of the setup program you used to change your video driver.
4. Use the keyboard arrow keys to move to the DISPLAY line and hit [Enter].
5. Now you can use your arrow keys to scroll the listed options to VGA. Hit [Enter]
6. Use the arrow keys to go back down to Accept these settings...
Load windows like you normally would.
Specialized Video Stuff
Diamond Stealth 64 DRAM/VRAM
If you have a Diamond Stealth 64 DRAM or VRAM video card, you should disable all "Power Saver" features (even the DOS ones)! Otherwise, your system can actually turn off while SimTower is in the foreground. We're not sure why this happens, which makes it very difficult to fix.

Cirrus Logic Chipset
Certain older drivers shipped with Cirrus Logic video cards may be incompatible with SimTower for Windows. Make sure you have the most recent versions of the video driver for your card or use the Microsoft Generic SVGA drivers, available on most on-line systems or from Microsoft.
Windows for Workgroups 3.11
If you have Windows for Workgroups 3.11, you should look at the options for "SuperVGA". Make sure to select one that lists 256 colors. "SuperVGA (640x480, 256 colors)" or "SuperVGA (800x600, 256 colors)" should be good choices. These are generic Microsoft drivers that work with many cards. These Microsoft generic drivers are available through many shareware dealers or from Microsoft. Even though they aren't optimized for your card specifically, they should get you going. If you have problems with them, we recommend that you get a driver that is specific to your card. Usually, you can get such a driver from your dealer or the card's manufacturer.

You may also see a message from the Windows Graphics package, WinG. It runs a calibration test the first time it installs to optimize video performance. It may warn you that it is using a slower method of video due to "an older version" of your video card software; SimTower and WinG will run for now, but we would recommend obtaining an updated version of your display driver (one that is WinG-friendly) at your first convenience, from the dealer or manufacturer of your video card. It is a good rule of thumb to keep your video and sound drivers updated with the best version available from the manufacturer.

Memory Issues
The General Idea
SimTower for Windows requires that you run Windows in 386 Enhanced Mode (Microsoft calls it that whether you've got a 386, 486 or a Pentium).
You can check to see if you are in Enhanced Mode by choosing Help in your Program Manager, then going to About Program Manager...

If About Program Manager says you are in Standard Mode, exit Windows, then restart with the command WIN/3 instead of WIN. This will force Windows to start in Enhanced Mode.
If you cannot run Windows in Enhanced Mode, please verify that your system meets or exceeds the minimum system requirements printed on the system requirements label on the box your copy of SimTower for Windows came in.
Windows for Workgroups 3.11
If you're using Windows for Workgroups 3.11, the only possible mode is Enhanced, so the About... box won't mention mode, just free memory. This is normal and cool.

Using Virtual Memory
Disk Compression Users
If you're using disk compression software such as DoubleSpace, DriveSpace, Stacker, SuperStor or things like that, these instructions ARE NOT for you. Most of these programs will come with their own utilities to use virtual memory. Refer to the documentation that came with your compression program for more information).
Non Disk Compression Users
If you don't have enough memory to run SimTower for Windows, first close all other programs that are running to free up the necessary memory.

If this doesn't correct the problem, there's still hope. To prepare yourself, you might refer to the Windows manual section called MEMORY. There are several different options explained in the manual, from editing your startup configuration files to using Virtual Memory. We can help you out a little here (and we're somewhat less daunting than the Windows manual).

Virtual Memory uses your system's hard disk drive to temporarily store information that would normally be kept in the system RAM memory. It's a little slower than RAM, but you have the potential to increase your available memory quite significantly.

You run Virtual Memory by following these steps:

1. Find your Control Panel icon. It's usually within the Main program group.

2. Double-click on the Control Panel icon to open it.

3. Double-click on the Enhanced icon (the icon looks like a computer chip -- if it is not there, you are not running Windows in Enhanced Mode. See the instructions on starting Windows in Enhanced Mode.)
4. Click on the Virtual Memory... button to open the Virtual Memory window.
5. Click on the Change button. You'll get a window which has some important information. The most important information is the Recommended Maximum Size for Virtual Memory on your computer. This number will vary from machine to machine. If your computer is not already set to this number, you're in luck. Type that number in the New Size box.
6. Check out your Windows manual for more information concerning virtual memory.

Finally, if you are using Sound Effects in SimTower for Windows, you will need as much free conventional memory as possible. Conventional memory is memory below 640k. Please see your DOS manual for instructions on freeing conventional memory. If you have DOS 6 or higher, just run the MemMaker program. Type MEMMAKER at your DOS prompt.

Gameplay Issues

Elevators

Q: "My elevators never seem to be working right. Everyone is stressed out and moving out of my tower. Why aren't they taking the elevator? I just don't understand this whole elevator thing."
A: Get ready for a long winded, but informative, response.

If you prefer to develop your own strategy for success in SimTower you can skip over this.

Elevator control is one of the most important issues in SimTower. Elevators are the highways and byways that let your SimTenants move from floor to floor. Your tenants don't like stairs much (even the tenants who work out). Take time to read the Elevators section on the SimTower.

What, you got more questions? Alrighty then, read on...

The primary key to successful transportation in SimTower is to section off your tower every 30 levels. You'll need the Express elevator (and three stars) to do this most efficiently, but you can fudge a little by having one (or two) "Standard" elevators skip floors 2-14 but stop on floors 1 and 15-30 until you can build a real Express elevator.

When you are routing your elevators keep in mind that Sims will only transfer transportation modes ONCE. This means if a Sim takes a Standard elevator from floor 35 to floor 30 then transfers to an Express elevator and continues down to floor 1 the Sim will not take anymore transportation modes other than walking. If the Sim took an escalator to the Express elevator, that still counts as TWO modes of transportation.

Sims look for the easiest way to travel from point A to point B. They will usually take the closest elevator to their point of origin. Here are the modes of transportation in the order that the Sims prefer to travel. Escalators, Stairs, Standard Elevator, Express Elevator. Of course if the Sim is on floor 15 she won't be able to take escalators all the way down to floor 1. But she will take the Standard elevator instead of the Express, even though they both travel to floor 1 from 15.

If you are getting demand messages from the Sims saying "Tenants on floor X cannot get to floor Y". check to see if the Sims have adequate transportation. If the transportation looks fine and you still get the same demand, look closely at the lobby floor on which the Sim is changing transportation methods. On the transfer lobby floor, make sure that there is actual lobby built all along the floor. If there is any break in the lobby it will appear as a gray section on the floor. Two sections of lobby with even a sliver of gray between them are NOT connected! If a Sim tries to transfer on that floor and the elevator that they need to take is on the other side of the "break" in the lobby, the Sim will not be able to get to that mode of transportation. This is what is causing the demand "Tenants on floor X cannot get to floor Y."

In really tall towers, some of your Express elevators should serve each 30-floor block exclusively (instead of every 15 floors). One (or more, depending upon the width of your tower) Express Elevator stopping at floor 15 is plenty. Also, if there are no facilities underground, there's no reason to have an Express Elevator go there.

When you are finally able to build Express Elevators, here's a simple plan to follow: Start your first Express Elevator at floor 1 and raise it to floor 30. Start a Standard Elevator on floor 30 and raise it to floor 40. Add some cars to both new elevator shafts. Add the facilities of your choice. You really shouldn't try to build up more than 10 more floors. Remember that you might not have a lot of money at this stage of the simulation. You can always add another elevator shaft and more facilities later. Below is a screen shot that will show you just what the heck we are talking about here.

The Elevator Control Panel
Open the Elevator Control Panel by clicking the elevator machinery with the "Query" tool. This panel can seem confusing at first, especially the "Floors Closer than Moving Cars."

What Does It Mean: Floors Closer than Moving Cars?

The "Floors Closer than Moving Cars" setting determines how many elevator cars are moving in a particular shaft at one time. The number in the "Floors closer than moving cars" box has a default setting of "5". Here's what that means:

Suppose a Sim is on the 20th floor and requests an elevator. At the same time, there is a empty car on the 26th floor not doing anything. With a setting of "5" the simulator looks 5 floors up the shaft (to floor 25) and 5 floors down the shaft (to floor 15) for any moving cars. If there's a moving car in this range, AND if it's headed in the direction the Sim wants to travel, the moving car will respond to the request. The empty car on floor 26 would respond if there were no moving cars between floor 15 and floor 25.

If you change the number of "Floors closer than moving cars" to "1", all the elevator cars in a particular shaft will be moving most of the time. Moving all the cars all the time may not be a good solution for your tower. Refer to your manual (especially the paragraphs on "waiting" or home floor locations for empty cars) to find out why.

What about the "Car Response Time?"

When Car Response Time is set to zero, it means that as soon as someone gets in the elevator, the doors close and the elevator leaves. If a lot of people are waiting for an elevator, it's possible that only a few of them will be able to scamper in before the doors close.

You can reduce stress by letting your elevators wait for a while before taking off.

Below is a screen shot of the Elevator Control Panel. The settings in this screen shot are not the default settings! These settings will keep elevator traffic flowing well on MOST towers. If you have especially heavy traffic on some floors you will need to find alternate routes for some of the Sims (e.g., escalators, stairs, or additional elevator shafts). Every tower you build will be a little different, and each will have unique transportation needs. Feel free to experiment and customize your elevator controls to suit your tower. The manual has a description of the buttons and functions of the Elevator Control Panel, as does the SimTower Help File.

Q: Can I rename the different business sites in my tower, just like I can
rename the people?"
A: YES. Even though there is no mention of this in the manual you can rename the
any space you like. Example: "English Pub" can be named "Brian's Brewery". Click
the rename button and in the space that says "English Pub" type "Brian's Brewery".
Then click on the rename button in the same window as the text field that contains
"Brian's Brewery" and you have successfully renamed a business site. You can only
have 15 characters in the new name.

Q: "How can I tell where the V.I.P. is going to stay?"
A: The V.I.P. will appear as a yellow Sim. Contrary to the manual (page 58), the
suite that the V.I.P. will stay in is not highlighted by a yellow box around it. You can
watch the V.I.P. go into their hotel room.

Q: "Where is Housekeeping?"
A: The Housekeeping button was moved from under the Security button (as page 20
in the manual states) to under the Hotel room button on the tool bar.

Q: "What are the requirements to get to the next star?"
A: Star Rating Population Event
1 You start SimTower with a 1 star Tower
2 300 None
3 1000 At least two security offices.
4 5000 More than one suite room. Recycling and
Medical demands satisfied. A V.I.P. must
visit and rate your tower favorably.
5 10,000 Metro station placed. ALL demands
satisfied.
Tower 15,000 Cathedral placed and wedding takes place.

Q : "I am having trouble getting to my next star rating. What's up?"
A : On the higher star ratings SimTower only looks at your permanent population. That means that your hotel tenants are no longer counted as population towards the next Tower level. If you have plenty of permanent population, you might not have had the wedding take place in the cathedral. The wedding will only take place on the weekend. Also, try to place more of your tower's service oriented facilities to improve your tenants evaluation of the conditions (Recycling centers, security, etc.).

Q: "I'm a cheater and I want more money. Are there any cheat codes in
SimTower?"
A: There is only one way to cheat in SimTower. You must start a new tower. Then
before you place anything, place a section of lobby underground all the way down
and to the left on the level below the "B9" level. This will double your starting funds.

Q: "Are there any limits to the number of facilities of a certain type you can
place?"
A: YES. Some types of facilities have a limit on the amount you can place. Here
are the limits for a five star tower.
Cathedral =1
Elevator Shafts =24
Elevator cars per shaft =8
Fast Food + Restaurants + Retail Shops =512
Medical centers =10
Metro station =1
Parking spaces =512
Security offices =10
Stairs + Escalators =64
Cinemas + Party Halls =16

There is also a limit to the number of Sims you can name. Only 20 Sims can have
names at any one time.

Q: "The funds in the 'Finance' window do not match the funds in the "Status Bar". Is something wrong?"
A: There is nothing wrong with your copy of SimTower. The funds in the "Finance" window are rounded to the hundreds place, while the "Status Bar" will display all the way down to the ones place. Example: if you have $2000000 ($2 million) according to the "Status Bar" the amount will appear as $20000 in the "Finance" window. SimTower's prices are all in the thousands, and you are never going to have anything other "0" s in the last three decimal places of the "Status Bar" funds display. (Which makes this a minor issue, but we are still sorry.) If you add two "0" s to the amount in the "Finance" window it will exactly match the funds in the "Status Bar".

Q: "The manual says that a Lobby section costs $5000, but every time I place a
Lobby it charges me $22,000. Why?"
A: The "section" that the manual and SimTower text boxes refer to is different from
what the size of your cursor is when you select the Lobby tool. A section as defined
by the program as the smallest space that you can build with a tool. The Lobby
cursor is actually FOUR sections as defined by the program. That will equal
$20,000. "Where does the extra $2000 come from?" If you do not have the walls
built (you can see the sky) on the floor where your going to place the lobby then you
will be charged $500 for each section of floor you need to build. Four sections equal
$2000, and the grand total is $22,000.
Note: If you build a 2-story lobby on the ground floor (hold down the Ctrl key
while you place the first section of lobby) the total deduction from your funds will be
$40,000 per cursor space. If you build a 3-story lobby on the ground floor (hold
down the CTRL and SHIFT keys while you place the first section of lobby) the total
deduction from your funds will be $60,000 per cursor space.

Q: "How do I get rid of cockroaches once they have infested a room?"
A: You must bulldoze the room.

Q: "I want to move my Housekeeping space, but I can't seem to bulldoze it."
A: Exactly; once you have placed Housekeeping you cannot bulldoze it. Other
spaces that can not be bulldozed are: Cathedral, Metro Station, Recycling centers,
and Security offices.

Q: "I have read the Help file, this Read Me file, and EVEN the Manual
all the way through, but I still have a question. Who can help me?"
A: You may now call Maxis Customer Support at 510-253-3755.

Q: How do I get a 2 or 3 story lobby?
A: Oops. I guess we lied when we said there was only one cheat.

Talking to Real People
Customer Support
Give Customer Support a call if you have something really specific, like a graphic card problem or an error message that no one (not even the System Analyst in your building) understands. You can reach them at 510-253-3755.

Before You Call Customer Support
The Most Important Stuff
Make sure you've read this Read Me file completely (we'll know if you haven't), in addition to any other appropriate material (like the manual). If you're still at your wit's end, there's a few things you can do to make serving you and solving any problems a little easier.

The most important thing is to make sure that your computer system meets or exceeds the requirements defined on the SimTower system label. The system label is located in the lower-left portion of the front of the box.

The next most important thing is to call us from your computer! It's much, MUCH easier to solve a problem when you're at your computer, and nearly impossible to solve when you aren't at it.
The Next Most Important Stuff
It's really handy to have a print-out of your WIN.INI, SYSTEM.INI, CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT files. You can print these files by typing MSD at the C:\ prompt. This runs the Microsoft Diagnostics program which will allow you to print out a report of your system. Remember, we don't know what your system has, and we can't see what it says on your screen.

If you can't print out your system files (for whatever reason), it's not the end of the world, as long as you are at your computer when you call!

If you are getting error messages or General Protection Faults (GPFs), write down what the error message says. Include what you were doing when you got the message. This will help us diagnose the problem.

Write down all of the steps you have taken to try to solve the problem. If we know what you've already done, we may be able to get you running faster.

Have your program disks, your manual, and your Addendum available and within easy reach.

Ways to Get Ahold of Us
We aren't trying to hide or anything. There're lots of ways to contact Maxis.

The first is by telephone. If you decide that you would like to call and hear a friendly voice, you'll find the number and hours of operation for Customer Support listed on the Maxis Maxims sheet, included in the box your program came in. There is lots of other useful info there, so keep your Maxis Maxims somewhere handy.

By phone might not be handy for you. We are present on all of the major on-line services if you subscribe to any of them. If you don't currently subscribe, many on-line services will give you a 30-day trial membership. Refer to the Maxis Maxims for more information on signing up. On AOL, just e-mail to "Maxis", or use keyword "Maxis". On CompuServe, do "GO GAMBPUB" and leave a message in the Maxis forum.

For you Internet users! We can be reached on the Internet via e-mailing to SUPPORT@MAXIS.COM; we have a microscopic ftp site at ftp.netcom.com in the /pub/ma/maxis directory, which we are hoping to expand soon. World Wide Web site is ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/ma/maxis/http/maxis.html WHEW!! (Use a bookmark!!)

We maintain a BBS that is free-of-charge (although your phone company will hit you with long distance charges) to all registered users of Maxis products. The BBS number is (510) 254-3869 and it is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We support up to 14.4k BPS and have four nodes. The settings are 8-N-1. You can also find the latest FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions), hints and tips from other users and other good stuff.

Make sure you register your software! We've included a handy little postcard for you to send in. This will entitle you to FREE Technical Support for the life of the product. The product life ends when a new version is released or the product is discontinued.
Who we are
We've saved the best for the last, the names behind the faces behind the voices you'll get when you call Customer Support. Be gentle with them. They didn't write the code or the manual, but they do provide support for the product which far outlasts jelly doughnuts (and other comestibles).

Roger Johnsen (Our Fearless Leader)
Aaron Shephard (Dr. Emu)
Brian Smith ()
Chris Charman (FAX-BACKS Guru)
Jeff Feil (AKA Quam)
Joy (Couldn't do it without you) Carchidi
Kirk Lesser (AKA Blud - like the stuff in your veins. Don't ask.)
Leo Kunkle (He's there for ya!)
Lisa Laverty (You have questions, Lisa has answers)
Owen Nelson (Owen Means Graphics)
Shannon Dawes (She makes great popcorn)

SimTower(TM) for Windows, ©1995 Maxis

Re:first 'klerk is a big faggot' p0st

[Retarded_One]

Not to start bickering amongst the -1, but your attempt at page-lengthening is patheric.

Leave it to Klerck, or, copy his, but make sure to add acknowlegments.

i18n

[kubota]

For non-Latin-script-language speakers and, especially, multibyte-language speakers, many softwares which cannot handle their native languages are useless.

I am not saying about translation. For example, word processors which cannot process their native letters (like Hiragana, Kanji, Hangul, Arab, Thai, and so on), editors which cannot edit their native letters, window managers, which cannot display their native letters on the window titles, and so on. Thus most of softwares are useless so far. Therefore, we cannot choose softwares in the viewpoint of personal preference but we have to choose softwares only because these softwares can handle our native languages.

In such world where we can use a limited subset of free softwares, there were a few remarkable softwares released this year. Vim 6.0 with multibyte encodings support (Unicode is one of such encodings), Emacs21 with locale (LC_CTYPE) sensibility, and so on.

I hope in the end of next year the "subset" of softwares which can handle multibyte characters will be increased considerably and I will be able to join this type of discussion!

Re:i18n

[Anonymous Coward]

You are, how do you say, a joy to read! Sombody moderate this scrumptious morsel of linguistic sushi up.

Here goes...

[kaoshin]

desktop: enlightenment
distro: Debian
text editor: mcedit (the midight commander editor)
browser: Netscape/Mozilla, lynx
time-waster: festival speech synth
mail client: mutt
fav project: I've never been to the projects
Dead horse that needs to be shot again: The music industry
Biggest and worst news is Sep 11, and best news is Woody is frozen

Re:Here goes...

[Anonymous Coward]

Thats a good list, I like to look at what other people use.

heres my 2c

desktop: xfce
distro: debian
text editor: vi (I had to learn for college, so now I just stick to the vi)
browser: mozilla/opera
time-waster: Linux
mail client: pine
Biggest and worst news is Sep 11, and best news is they teach Linux/unix in my course.

Re:Here goes...

[Oxide]

desktop: KDE
distro: RH 7.2
text editor: pico
browser: Mozilla 0.9.7
time-waster: running Slackware
mail: kmail

Re:Here goes...

[Anonymous Coward]

Desktop: desktop
Distro: atheos-base-0.3.7
Text Editor: AEdit 0.5.1
Browser: ABrowse
Time Waster: Trying to get a PCNet Lance card working under Linux
Mail Client: Whisper (Mercury)
Fav Project: AtheOS of course
Dead horse that needs to be shot again: The idea that Linux could ever be ready for general desktop users
Biggest and worse news is Sept 11 (Natch), and best news is that Linux still isn't ready for the desktop.

Re:Here goes...

[Anonymous Coward]

desktop:Who needs a desktop
distro: Debian
text editor: vi
browser: lynx
time-waster: getting Linux installed using zip disks
fav project: Kernel 2.4, Debian 3
Dead horse that needs to be shot again: The music industry / MPAA
Biggest and worst news is Sep 11, and best news is Woody is frozen

Re:Here goes...

[jd142]

I'm working under the assumption that I always use the best of everything. "Hah!" he cried in his best Mrs. Crabople (I've horribly messed up her name, I know) voice.

desktop: KDE 2.2.1
distro: Mandrake 8.1 Gaming
text editor: vi/Kate. Depends on where I'm at.
browser: Konqueror 2.2.1
time-waster: Tie between KPat Grandfather and pysol Beleagured Castle
fav project: Tie between OpenOffice / Transgaming

You, sir,

[Retarded_One]

are hardly annoying. Your performance art draws rave reviews in the open-source community.

Suse is not the best distro

[Billly Gates]

This one is.

ROCK ON WITH THE SLASHDOT!

[Kip Winger]

Headed for a Heartbreak Hungry Madalaine Seventeen

Headed for a Heartbreak
Morning came and I was on my way
When you reminded me
I had too soon forgotten
It was you who set me free
Yeah you were here when I came
And you'll be here when I'm gone
So don't be waiting for love
'Cause I'll be waiting to ramble on
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
Darling don't wait up for me
Tonight I won't be home
You've become a stranger
And I just got to be alone
Don't need nobody on my side
To dull the blade I'm on
So don't be waiting for love
'Cause I'll be waiting to ramble on
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
It's no mistake
Don't you think I can feel the pain
I walk away to live again
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK
Don't you think I feel the pain...

Hungry
I hear the ticking on the clock
Counting every day I've been alone
How long before you're comin' back
If I don't see your face I'll turn to stone
Can't keep holding on this way
Can't go on another day
Can't you hear me when I say, girl I'm
HUNGRY for your love
Girl I'm hungry
Baby let me in
HUNGRY for your love
HUNGRY I can't get enough
Your love's the color of my heart
When I look in your eyes everything's so clear
So still together when we're apart
I begin to die unless you're here
Can't keep holding on this way
Can't go on another day
Can't you hear me when I say, girl I'm
HUNGRY for your love
Girl I'm hungry
Baby let me in
HUNGRY for your love
HUNGRY I can't get enough
I lie awake all night
I can't stop remembering
You've got to make it right
I can't hold it in:
HUNGRY
I hear the ticking on the clock
Counting every day I've been alone... HUNGRY
HUNGRY for your love
Girl I'm hungry
Baby let me in
HUNGRY for your love
HUNGRY I can't get enough

Madalaine
Such tender eyes, such a sweet believer
The story never lies
When I found you girl, you were so far down
A black cat in disguise
How in the world could it come to this
Couldn't you see that you'd gone too far
Saving your soul for that one last kiss
Living your wish upon a star
MADALAINE
This is love too tough to tame
MADALAINE
Beware of the girl
Beware of the pain
Running scared through the dark of the day
The story never dies
But the names keep changin' and the faces fade
Take you dead or alive
How in the world could it come to this
Couldn't you see that you'd gone too far
Saving your soul for that one last kiss
Living your wish upon a star
MADALAINE
This is love too tough to tame
MADALAINE
Beware of the girl
Beware of the pain
All of your glory was left like an angry child
Waiting to take your luck away
But you can't see you're still running wild
Oh Madalaine- don't run away from me
MADALAINE
This is love too tough to tame
MADALAINE
Beware of the girl
Beware of the pain

Seventeen
I saw sparks fly
From the corner of my eye
And when I turned
It was love at first sight
I said please excuse me
I didn't catch your name
Oh it'd be a shame
Not to see you again
And just when I thought
She was comin' to my door
She whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor (she said)
I'm only seventeen
But I'll show you love like you've never seen
She's only seventeen
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough for me
Come to my place
We can talk it over
Oh everything going down in your head
She said take it easy
I need some time
Time to work it out
To make you mine
And just when I thought
She was comin' to my door
She whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor (she said)
I'm only seventeen
You ain't seen love
Ain't seen nothing like me
She's only seventeen
Seventeen
Such a bad girl
Loves to work me overtime
Feels good (ha)
Dancin' close to that borderline
She's a magic mountain
She's a leather glove
Oh she's my soul
It must be love
I'm only seventeen
But I'll show you love like you've never seen
She's only seventeen
Daddy say she's too young
But she's old enough for me

Re:ROCK ON WITH THE SLASHDOT!

[kahuna720]

Nice. 80s hair metal band lyrics make for the most disturbing trolls of all!

What's with all the "award" shows?

[dimator]

It seems every time I turn around, I see a new magazine or web site running a "Best XXX" award ceremony. What's the deal?

To quote the Wolf from Pulp Fiction: "Let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet." There's still a LONG way to go before I recommend desktop Linux to any regular PC user.

Re:What's with all the "award" shows?

[Chundra]

The deal is that you view too much porn, both printed and online. Best XXX. Feh!

Re:What's with all the "award" shows?

[dhamsaic]

There's still a LONG way to go before I recommend desktop Linux to any regular PC user.

You obviously didn't read the article before you posted.

They're not talking about recommending it for consumers. At all. They even say that it isn't there yet on the desktop, especially for business use.

This wasn't meant to be a Linux Desktop article. It was a "Best-of-2001" article, like every other publication on the face of the planet is doing. They just happened to focus on Linux, since, well, that kinda is their focus. Would you complain if a fashion magazine ran a "Best Styles of 2001" article? The deal is that people like to recap what happened in the year, and other people enjoy reading it.

Re:What's with all the "award" shows?

[tmark]

It seems every time I turn around, I see a new magazine or web site running a "Best XXX" award ceremony. What's the deal?

It's because, no matter how badly Linux/Windows/Macs suck (and they all DO suck, for differing reasons), there is always SOMETHING that is best of breed for a given platform. This gives the advocates something to cheer about, even if they don't deserve to do so. Think Linux sucks as a desktop OS ? Wait, it CAN'T, if there is a "best spreadsheet" and "best desktop", can it ???

favourite time waster...

[vvikram]

linuxplanet.com reviews....oh wait

vv

Word processing / Text editor

[Anonymous Coward]

Interesting that they group word processing and text editing into the same category, when they are not at all the same thing...

I mean, come on. Maybe next we can compare Mozilla to a telnet client. "I like the way that Mozilla renders the web pages with colors and images, while he seems to prefer the way he can actually see the html and perform the layout in his head..."

Weird people.

First "Linux is a joke" post!

[the_furies]

Dig it: "bkp"'s fave time-waster:

Actually, my choice barely got in under the wire for this year: The Sims for Linux.

His fave Linux app is a fucking MS Windows game! Ha! What, aaquake2 isn't challenging enough?

Biggest Time Waster? Dennis Powell

[Anonymous Coward]

This slimy little gunsel spends half his review sucking up to his buddies on FreeRepublic and how much he hates Richard Stallman for having the guts to point out that America stands for certain freedoms that DEP would just throw away.

Biggest time waster? DEP.

Uniform look&Feel ??

[PEdelman]

So I think one of the real reasons that these applications won is because not by themselves, but as a group they make something bigger and stronger.

Funny thing to say. When I used Gnome I wanted everything to be look like GTK. Now I don't use a desktop environment anymore, just IceWM, and I couldn't care less about the consistency of the looks of the apps. You recognize a "cut" icon anyway if you see one, whether it's Qt or GTK or anything else (although some toolkits are just plain ugly, but that's a matter of taste). Anyway, if you don't stick to one toolkit, you have a lot more apps to use.

That is not to say that the desktop environments can offer some great advantages, but I have yet to see them.

Re:Uniform look&Feel ??

[IceFox]

I am not saying that you should only stick to one desktop (note my mention of xmms). I use apps all the time that arn't "kde approved", but by using apps that are part of a desktop distrobution (see paragraph 1 of the previous post) you can almost assume that they will have a bit more polish then one that joe shmoe made. Ok so maybe I should have stated more then the "Cut" icon, but I figured that you would know what I mean. How about these: Constant widget look. Constant font look (this one really is high on my list), constant color, constant file dialog, constant drag and drop, constant mouse cut, copy, paste, constant help menu (and bug reporting tool), how is that for starters? It has more to do with app interaction then look and feel. Look and feel are just the icing on the cake.

-Benjamin Meyer

Re:Uniform look&Feel ??

[jd142]

It is exactly this sort of consistency that will help linux make inroads as a desktop system in businesses.

I spend my share of time on the help desk where I work (small office, we all do time). And I can't imagine the headaches that would arise if each user had a slightly different setup. The keyword for businesses is consistency. Everybody gets the same thing. For home use, pfft, I don't care. But if I have to remember that Joan uses a customized sawfish install while John uses Gnome with gmc instead of nautilus, multiplied by 200 users, I'll go nuts.

These users are the ones where you have to remind them which button on the toolbar is the one to check their e-mail! Got to love academia.

PINE

[Anonymous Coward]

No love for PINE

galeon, debian and antialiasing

[Anonymous Coward]

"I don't think anyone on the Debian project will get too upset if I point out that development on that distribution is fairly slow, and"

"Thus far, Konqueror represents this the best, because of (here it comes again) the anti-aliased fonts. I mean, this isn't rocket science, people."

Galeon in debian unstable has antialiased support. Same holds true with mozilla also. Does it prove both of you are wrong? Name a distribution which has antialiased binary available for galeon... Debian unstable is more stable that any of the redhat releases ...

Re:galeon, debian and antialiasing

[Anonymous Coward]

Debian unstable is more stable that any of the redhat releases

Yeah, that's why Debian labels their version "unstable" and outright warns for the use of it in production environments and why Red Hat for example continiously regression test the kernel for example under heavy load and seems to be the only ones doing heavy load testing of the kernels... Dumbass!

Abiword

[heffel]

I was surprised there was no mention of Abiword
on the best text editor/word processor category.

I downloaded the latest .deb package on Sid and
I was amazed with how good it is.

Someone who is used to MS Word will feel quite
at home with it (squigly red lines under mispelled words and all).

It is a Word clone, which happens to be by far the most popular word processor in use today.

It would be a good tool to migrate Windows users to Linux (don't have to pay hundreds or get an "underground" copy of Office to be able to do your homework).

Heffel

Window managers & time wasters

[Anonymous Coward]

Does Linux run anything besides window managers and time wasters?

My picks.

[Codifex Maximus]

Desktop Environ: KDE with GNOME and Windowmaker following closely.
Distribution: RedHat - they have been consistent.
Text Editor/Word Processor - KDE Advanced Edit with ABIWORD (love it) and Star Office 6 BETA following on.
Favorite Browser: Netscape 6.2.1. It does just about everything. Browse, Mail, News, AIM (though I have to include Mozilla for which there would be no Netscape 6), and LYNX for CLI.
Fav Time Waster: Return to Castle Wolfenstein - Linux MP Client.
Favorite Project: Linux Standard Base - may it flower and be implemented quickly.
Dead Horse that needs to be shot: Linux is not ready for the Desktop - this is utter nonsense. KDE is already more functional and useful than Windows' GUI.
News:
Biggest: LSB 1.1 ready for public review.
Best: Linux 2.4.
Worst: 9-11 with the Republicans taking office running a very close second.

Well, those are my picks...

Take away his geek card!

[Samawi I]

There's a good KDE Minesweeper game, but it requires thought that detracts from phone calls

Well, anyone that can't beat Minesweeper and carry on a conversation at the same time should have his geek card revoked and banned from writing about Linux!

:-)

KWord beats emacs...WTH?

[extrasolar]

I really don't see how almost any word processor can beat emacs unless it comes from not learning the emacs editor capabilities. Now...emacs isn't rocket science. But it does take longer than 30 seconds to learn. However, to make things easier fo you...I would like to share some emacs features you may not be aware of.

English Spelling Completion Yes...this means for them long words that you aren't sure of the spelling for you just need to type M-[tab] and emacs will complete the word for you.

Dynamic Abbreviation At any time in a buffer while typing in a word, you can hit M-/ and emacs will look for all the whitespace delimited words in all the open emacs buffers and complete it for you. I find this most useful when you have a path that you repeat all the time such as /usr/share/local/bin and you need to type it again, just hit /us and then M-/ and the entire path would be completed for you.

Excellent Documentation I think emacs has excellent online documentation--probably better than KWord and probably rivalling any program documentation in the free software world. When in emacs, just hit C-h i and cursor down to the word emacs and hit enter. From here you can learn about all these advanced text-editing and word processing features. Emacs, of course, has as-you-type spell checking M-x flyspell-mode, macros, and syntax highlighting.

Context Sensitive Help Perhaps not what you would expect, but emacs gives you documentation in almost anyway you may need it. C-h m tell you about the current mode; C-h k will tell you about what a certain key does; C-h a is like the apropos command at the shell and will search the emacs documentation for what you enter at the prompt.

iso-accents-mode Never quite know how to type in them European accents? This mode makes it easy. For resume (with accents over the e's) type in instead r'esum'e and emacs will make the change for you.

Of course, these are only some of the features of emacs. There is plenty there to be discovered. Each user may only want to memorize a subset of the features he or she uses and be productive with it. Keys can be rebinded and simple to complex customizations can be made in your .emacs.

Of course I don't have to tell you how many platforms emacs has been ported to or that emacs can be invoked from the GUI or from the command line.

Can anyone please explain what features emacs is missing and how KWord can compete with these powerful emacs commands?

Re:KWord beats emacs...WTH?

[Anonymous Coward]

Emacs's interface is ass ugly? Emacs doesn't interface nicely with my other KDE apps? Emacs isn't a word processor, for christ's sake?

Text editing - vim
Word processing - KWord

There's where it stands.

Re:KWord beats emacs...WTH?

[extrasolar]

Emacs interface is ugly? gee thats subjective, isn't it?

KWord doesn't interface with my other GNU apps either...

and what do you think a word processor is other than "something like MSWord" ?

Re:GACK! (Michael Hall the Debian Hater?)

[Anonymous Coward]

I know Michael Hall personally, he is one of the biggest Debian fans I know. But there's one thing Debian (at least the stable and to some degree testing branches) isn't known for, and that's being on the cutting edge.

That's why I *like* it dammit, cause they bother to make sure things work before including them...

+1 insightful, if i had any mod points.

[sh_mmer]

that's it. that's all i wanted to say, but i have to write something to get around the LF.