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Data Mining, Cocaine and Secrecy

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the now-they-probably-have-clusters dept.

hightimes writes: "Business 2.0 uncovers one of the world's most sophisticated IT network in where else, Colombia. According to the story, Colombian drug cartels have spent billions of dollars to build a huge infrastructure that's helping them smuggle more dope than ever before." Even though this is about a raid that took place most of a decade ago, it's an interesting example of the power (and potential abuse) of large-scale data mining.

23 of 423 comments (clear)

  1. Now tell me... by littleRedFriend · · Score: 1, Funny

    Does the term crystalline valley apply?

    --
    IANAL, but imagine a beowulf cluster of in Soviet Russia all your belong are base to us welcoming the new SCO overlords.
  2. Well... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hey, are they hiring?

    1. Re:Well... by warpSpeed · · Score: 5, Funny

      Prolly, but I'm sure it would be a life time career move. And if you screw up, a PHB is the least of your concerns, you'll be sleeping with the fishes.

    2. Re:Well... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Hello. This is Clifton Santiago. I am a representative of the columbian drug cartel. I am responding to your post expressing interest in information technology employment opportunities. We do have positions available, and would like to interview you for one immediately, if possible, through this forum. Please respond.

      Your interview consists of the following question:

      Let's say that you have a box with a button on it. If you press the button, you get $1000, but someone thousands of miles away who you don't know dies of a cocaine overdose. Do you press the button, and how many times?

      - manuel
      ...

    3. Re:Well... by unicron · · Score: 2, Funny

      Our wonder if it's really fair for them to ask for a drugtest....

      Drug Lord: "You tested positive for coke."
      Applicant: "Yeah, but I bought it from you."
      Drug Lord: "Oh, well then, welcome aboard."

      On another note, what does this remind you of?

      "So one day I help some gentlemen make a few free phone calls...."

      --
      Finally, math books without any of that base 6 crap in them.
  3. Computers by ChrisMG999 · · Score: 2, Funny

    What were they trying to do? Send cocaine over Cat5 Cabling?

    1. Re:Computers by GodInHell · · Score: 5, Funny

      What were they trying to do? Send cocaine over Cat5 Cabling?

      Heh, Packet sniffing takes on whole new dimensions.

      -GiH
      A goose is loose in the sluce for juice.

  4. Dopewars by akiy · · Score: 5, Funny
    And you thought all of those hours you spent playing Dopewars were all just a simulation...

    (Dopewars: Unix, Palm, Macintosh, and Windows versions.)

    --

    --
    http://www.aikiweb.com - AikiWeb Aikido Information

    1. Re:Dopewars by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      From the Windows version download page:
      "Dope Wars 2.2 is ad-supported software. It is part of the Gator Advertising and Information Network (GAIN), which helps keep software free by delivering messages based on the sites you view."

      No thanks.

  5. Just wait till they get the bill from Oracle... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    They'll have to buy a client license for every drug user they supply. That should promptly clean out their "unlimited" budget.

    1. Re:Just wait till they get the bill from Oracle... by vsprintf · · Score: 2, Funny

      Hah, just wait until they get the "audit or else" order from M$. Man, talk about organized crime warfare. This could make the St. Valentine's Day Massacre look like a water-pistol fight.

    2. Re:Just wait till they get the bill from Oracle... by Tackhead · · Score: 5, Funny
      > Hah, just wait until they get the "audit or else" order from M$. Man, talk about organized crime warfare. This could make the St. Valentine's Day Massacre look like a water-pistol fight.

      Lessee here...

      Step 1) Columbian drug lords vs. BSA lawyers.

      Step 2) Make the St. Valentine's Day Massacre look like water pistol fight.

      Step 3) ???^H^H^HPay-per-view live video on Slashdot!

      Step 4) PROFIT!

  6. Re:Article Revealing by joshwa · · Score: 2, Funny

    (on a side note this is why I don't buy into most conspiracy theories-- the govt. is way too inefficient at keeping things quiet)

    That's just what they want you to think... ;)

  7. And of course... by Codex+The+Sloth · · Score: 5, Funny

    They must be using Snort for intrusion detection.

    Snif snif ...

    --
    I am not a number! I am a man! And don't you ... oh wait, I'm #93427. Ha ha! In your face #93428!
  8. Not to mention by MAXOMENOS · · Score: 3, Funny

    crack for checking passwords.

    --
    Finding God in a Dog
  9. Next stop the World! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    "The computer was essentially conducting a perpetual internal mole-hunt of the cartel's organizational chart."

    I can't wait to run ratoutasnitch@home.

  10. Not suprising by prockcore · · Score: 4, Funny

    With the amount of cocaine and coffee in columbia, i'm suprised they didn't build the entire infrastructure in a single evening. Followed by cleaning the entire country top to bottom.

  11. In Related News... by mongoks · · Score: 2, Funny

    Cheech and Chong were spotted in Columbia recently. They said they were trying to gain employment as IT admins.

  12. Where do I send my resume? by mcguyver · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hmm. I'm currently working as a data mining analysis for an internet advertising startup. The job has it's moments, like figuring out that credit cards should be sold to women when they make online purchases for makeup(no I am not kidding). However it would be much more exciting to work for a rich and powerful drug cartel... Does the job come with your own personal E15k?

  13. Santacruz Operaton by nickgrieve · · Score: 1, Funny

    The other Santacruz Operaton.

  14. i can see it now... by bilbobuggins · · Score: 5, Funny
    when your warehouse in Poughkeepsie automatically links up with your hit men in Columbia...


    ...that's 1 degree of seperation. That's business w/ .NET.


    (yeah, it was low;)

  15. The Obvious Question by gvonk · · Score: 2, Funny

    Does anybody have a crack for it?

    *groan*

    --


    El Karma: excelente(principalmente la suma de moderación hecha a los comentarios de los usuarios)
  16. Cue the 70s music... by selan · · Score: 4, Funny
    ba da da DUM ba da DUM
    ba da da DUM ba da DUM

    If you wanna deal, you gotta use SQL, cocaine
    If you wanna get stoned, you gotta write the code, cocaine
    Data mine, data mine, data mine, COCAINE

    ba da da DUM ba da DUM
    ba da da DUM ba da DUM...

    Data mine, data mine, data mine, COCAINE